Title: Dont have one...bcuz of Jess's lazy ass...Jess- slap. GG- OW! Damn midget. Jess- shut up! Thats why you got high in food lion yesterday! GG- shut up I had a frappe leave the caffeine out of this! Jess- that was more than caffeine GG- look do you want me to help you or not
GG and Jess- happy memorial Day! (USA holiday)
Continued:
"Edward's or Jake's ?" I glared.
"No one you know…jealous?"
"No, this wouldn't have happen , if you learn how to you a condom and stop free styling." He parked the car I got out and walked into the store to get a basket.
"well if it was with a vampire then I wouldn't need one now would I." He followed me and pushed the basket while I grabbed the list out of my purse.
"ohhh did Edward tell you that or did he plunged in then filled in all the detail later. I stopped and turned around to glare at him.
"I didn't say it was Edward! And its not like your getting none, so stay out of sex life and you get your own!" He smirked and leaned on the basket.
" I have on my own hotline, and make movies you be my next star the no script "
" Even Selena Gomez would audition for that!" I turned down the diaper aisle.
"well Demi didn't complain, anyway why is she dating a minor?"
"I don't know. Don't you have friends you can harass? Because I'm not one of them!" I started down the other aisle to pick up a few groceries in the freezer sections.
"Who said I want to be to me your friend to me your just desert…in both ways"
"You started this! And I-" I threw everything in the cart.
"You brought Selena into this conversation "
"So I'm to blame, I'm the one being kidnapped!" We moved to the back of the store to pick up some milk.
"It's not like I tied you with rope, but seeing that you're in to that all right." Riley started to take off is belt.
"Woah Woah Woah! Hold the hell up! Remember pregnant!" I crossed my two index fingers across each other to make an 'X'.
"I'm pretty sure it's safe for us to have sex…well even safer. You're pregnant!"
"You're perverted and a psychopath"I put the milk in the cart and pointed to the ice cream.
"You're a prostitute and soon to be on teen mom 3 via MTV"
"Ah I am not! Reject from Vampire Diaries!" I put it in the basket.
"That's it! I'm taking you to go get some more damn diapers and a pack of condoms….prostitute!" He turned the shopping cart around and headed to the aisle.
"Oh what ever would Victoria think of your miss behaving. I'm pretty sure you were sent to give me a message. Not an offer to star in your next porno!" He stopped and looked back at me.
"What would Jake think flaunting your goodies at men, and who wears a thong to the grocery store!"
"Ah. Stop looking at my ass! Why are you still here?" I put my hand on the cart.
"I got another hour." He moved towards the bread aisle.
"Of what? Waiting until you believe you'll be old enough to become a pedophile." I smirked and picked up the bread. I turned around and grabbed a bag of chips. Hmm 2 for 5? I put the chips in the basket and pointed to the register.
"This is coming from the one who gives men of any certain age bone just form a look"
"ahh you-"
"No just hungry and horny"
"That figures. You're still staring at my ass!" I stopped the shopping cart.
"And yet you don't notice when the other 46 dudes that drool over it stare…"
"They don't leave two holes when they bite!" I whispered and payed the cashier.
"Whats the difference you'll still be screaming and moaning!"He made to car in 5 seconds.
"Umm and dead maybe! And try to be a little more discrete!"
" I can control myself"
"You sure about that?" Why the hell am I asking this! I left to crank up the car while he closed the trunk.
"You're the one who was disappointed when I kiss your forehead, what I left your unsatisfied? "
"More like disgusted and worried! I might puke." He was leaning on my car door.
"Whatever you say".
"Good! get the hell away from me! "
"I told you I'm not good at following orders—aaaah!"
"What's wrong?" I cut on the air conditioner.
"Just a little light headed lack of blood and sex"
"Well 0 out of two that you're getting from me isn't bad"
"You're not a vampire but you should have the need for the second one"
"Yea I actually have pulse and self control! Oh and a boyfriend!"
"So do I, it's a little lower… and no boyfriend!" He closed the my car door and walked off. I started the car and went home. What a day, what a day! God, I hope tomorrows better!
Jake POV-
I walked up the stairs to be greeted by the rank super sweet smell of vampire scent…only I didn't recognize it. I opened Bella's door and saw Edward holding Bella. "Geez get a room!..oh wait….
She looked up and crawled out of Edward's hold. "Shut Jake" She walked up in front me with this awkward look on her face. I smirked.
"Jacob" said Edward.
"Edward" I said
"So why am I here?"
"Umm Bella me and Jake need to talk okay?"
She looked at both of us. "What about? If it involves me I want to know!"
He looked at me and back at her.
"What are you thinking about? Just tell her!" I thought.
Sigh, "Jacob it's not that simple I have to think about how she'll react too."
"What about the reaction she'll have when you don't."
He winced.
"Didn't think about that did you?"
"Stop that! I'm still here so just say it!" yelled Bella.
He sighed and rubbed his neck. "We think someone was in your room."
What, so that's what I smelled when I walk up the stairs. It wasn't Victoria's.
Edward looked me. "Do you recognize it anywhere else?"
I….
"Jake say it, don't think it!" said Bella she was standing between me and Edward.
"I just smelled it strongly at the top of the stairs. Maybe they didn't know where your room was…it's in the bathroom too."
"So now we know where were they …" said Edward
"What about Charlie's room?"
"I don't know"
"HEY BELLA WHERE'S THE REMOoo-" Emmett walked in the room.
"Did you try the couch?" I said.
"Hey Jake! I didn't know you were up here! Where's Amy?"
"Still at her grandmothers..."
"WRONG!"
"Oh shit!" I started to run out of the room.
"Who's Amy?"
I stopped but didn't turn around.
"Jakes baby mama." said Emmett
I smirked "She's my girlfriend. Her sister is Emmett's baby mama. Rose was just a fling." I ran out of the house and drove off. Amy's going to kill me! Edward stood in front of my car. Damn, I should of known there was more.
(-jes) yea peoples I time jump
The Next Day
Amy Pov-
Beep Beep, I leaned over and turned the alarm off. Why is my bed so warm? I turn around. What the hell! SETH!
"Seth wake up! Why are you in my bed?" Again for that matter. Seth rolled over facing me, rubbing his eyes. Ahh, no you will not give in to the cuteness Amy.
"Your mom said I can stay over, Paul took the old room down stairs with air mattress and Jake slept on the couch."
"WAIT JAKE HERE WHEN, WHERE, HOW? "
"SHH, it's too early for this! Last night you were sleep, he thought you would be mad at him so he's in the living room"
"I'll be back"
"Yea you go do that. I going back to sleep"
I rolled my eyes and made sure my hair was still in a ponytail. Mom must have all ready left for work. I walked into the living room to find Paul in a head lock by Kim while Jake was laughing his ass off.
"I don't know why you're laughing Jake! After Amy kicks your ass I'm going next!"
"Hey I didn't eat the damn pancakes!"
Kim glared "You watched!"
"Umm Kim calm down…breathe"
"He ate all the damn breakfast! He's like a portable damn garbage disposal!"
"Ugh…umm how many months is she…because if I threw her over the table is she going to keep rolling or are we gonna have a problem"
Jake started laughing harder.
"Wow. Umm…"
"What is all this noise!" said Seth yawing and rubbing his eyes.
Kim let go of Paul and he hit the floor. "Aw hell! Where the hell did you come?"
I rubbed the back of my head. "Hehe. I kind of just woke up and he was just… there"
Kim's eye twitched. " What is this a damn hotel…don't answer that…breathe kim…breathe"
"Uh oh…I think I see a puddle" said Jake.
"Oh hell no I'm not birthing no babies" said Paul
"…" I stood there. "You can't be serious"
"What the fuck..." Kim looked down then looked up with an "I'm going to kill your ass for almost making me have a stroke look".
"As far as I am concerned that can come out looking like Beavis and Butt-head" said Paul looking through his jacket pulling out a lighter and a smoke. (GG- who the hell is that? Jess- I don't know some old tv show with funny looking people. GG- oh that's just mean!)
"Fuck you" yelled Kim
"Thats what got your ass into this situation"
"True that" said Seth
"Puppy you can kiss my ass" said Kim
"Go F*** yourself prego," (jes-IT'S CENSORED BECAUSE IT'S SETH, gg- hahaha wow!) said Seth. OMG HE WENT DEMON ON US!
Everybody got quite. Paul looked at his cigarette. "Damn I need to stop smoking…" He shook his head and put it out.
"Well that was a Kodak moment" Jake said. He started laughing and I remembered he was in the room.
I rolled my eyes and went to the kitchen to see I could find anything left over to make breakfast. If not…Paul would be hearing a lot of Kim's vocabulary. That should be censored!
"Seth what did you just sa-?" started Kim.
"Damn you got more than one personality?" Said Jake.
"What you talking about he got himself and a pimp self" said Paul.
"Pimp? When this happened." I shook my head.
"At McDonalds." I started mixing the pancake mix and looking for bacon.
"What happened?"
"Paul got his pimp card declined" said Kim
"When did he get one of those?" I asked. Kim reached for a high five. "Haha"
"After you stop being a prostitute…you can get promoted." Said Kim "Oooh get the blueberries!"
Paul whispered "I hope you choke on them damn berries!" Seth sat down on the couch.
"What was that mutt?"
"I said I hope you-"
"Anyway! Seth had his testosterone kick in and he asked for the cashiers digits in the drive thru before Paul could attempt and fail at it"I said.
"You know what we'll discuss your betrayal later!" said Paul glaring. He sat at the table.
"Haha! And Seth ended up getting handed the younger sisters number!" Laughed Kim while trying to sneak a piece of a already done pancake. I smacked her hand.
"Stop trying to steal a pancake! Wait Damn it!"
"And she was hotter than that one!" Paul continued. Jake came and sat too.
I looked up. "hmm maybe you should get a vasectomy since your manhood is already on its way to Pluto." I said.
"Seth turn around and cover your ears, this is about to get M triple X Rated. Hell Amy he's only a boy!" said Paul.
"What it's just a snip? Just Vasectomy…No baby mama's ever" I pointed to Kim.
"OOOOOOH!" yelled the boys. "HEY!" I looked at Kim. She glared at me then looked at the boys and smirked. I looked the guys they had their hands under the table. "What?"
"They do that when you say the 'V' word" Are you serious! I shook my head
"Haha Vasec-"
"OOO-" They started.
Go Go Go Go Gooo
Oh lover, don't you dare slow down
Go longer, you can last more rounds
Push harder, your almost there now
So go lover, make my mother proud
Kelly Rowland- Motivation Seth Ringtone for miniature prostitutes- gege: lols omg I'm kidding I'm kidding.
"Heeey what's up" said Seth scratching his head and heading to the door but Jake stood in front of it and blocked it.
"Whose that?" I whispered to Paul.
Seth came back to the table. "Seth's baby mama" paul said.
"Umm I gotta go not a good time."
"What the-" started Jake.
"That better be your mama!" said Kim.
"Bye" said Seth to the unknown person on the phone.
"Umm…"
"See baby mama" repeated Paul.
"That better had been your mama and you're the baby. "
"Put it down and go take a show-"
Three in the morning,
You know I'm horny
So why don't you come over my place
And put ah smile on my face-
Text Ring tone: Chris Brown- No Bullshit
"Umm Shower! Got It! Save me a pancake before Kimzilla eats them all!" He pressed a button and left his phone on the table.
Moment of Silence. We all looked at the phone.
Hehe- here's a sneak peek of the next chapter.
Amy POV-
Three in the morning,
You know I'm horny
"I got it- WOAH!" Kim showed me the picture.
"What the hell she's…" I started.
Jake came across the table "Our age!"
Paul walked back. "On second thought I'm just going to get my check. Give me that!" he took the phone, looked at it, and took out his and started typing.
"What are you do-"Kim said.
"You're getting her number aren't you?" I asked.
"Yep"
"Do you have dignity or did it just get slapped out of you-"
KNOCK KNOCK
"I'll get it!" I said. Kim grabbed a plate and finished eating her pancake.
"Hey Embry what's….oooh Kim's appointment. Damn! KIM!"