Crossing Boundaries

Chapter 7: Emotion

It has been a week since I have been released from the hospital. My life, while slowly improving, has not reached the level of normalcy that I had before. The tension at work had eased slightly, but my coworkers were still wary of me. They kept their distance, leaving me alone for the most part. Personally, I did not mind the isolation; my antisocial nature preferred silence over mindless chatter. I still could not bring myself to walk down the alley, effectively adding ten minutes to my daily walk to work.

Life with Nadya continued just as it had, as though my attack was only a slight hiccup in our daily routine. She still refused to explain to me the nature of the words she had spoken the night Spencer was here for supper. It frustrated me greatly, but that was the nature of Nadya.

I was home alone today; Nadya had work and I had a day off. I alternated between cleaning the tiny apartment and dancing in out common room. Ever since Nadya had made me dance, it had left a fire in my blood that I could not quench. It stirred my blood with a fervor that I had not felt since I was home on Croatia. My bare feet padded silently across the wood floor as I moved in patterns that made my long teal dress swirl about my ankles.

I nearly fell over when the phone rang. It was such a rare occurrence with us that it was startling each time it happened. On the third ring, I answered.

"Hello?"

"Miss Paranosz? This is Jason Gideon from the BAU."

"Gideon!" I exclaimed. "How are you?"

"I'm well, working hard. I'm actually calling about something important. Is there any way that you could come to headquarters today?"

"Certainly. What time shall I be there?"

Gideon paused for a moment before speaking again. "As soon as you can. Reid will be waiting in the lobby for you."

"Alright, I'm on my way."

After hanging up with Gideon, I wrote a note for Nadya.

Nadya –

Gone to the BAU. Not sure when I'll be back. Take care.

- Anika

Slipping on my sandals, I grabbed my shawl and purse which sat on the entry table. It was a pleasant walk to the BAU. The walk gave me a chance to enjoy the beautiful spring day of Virginia. Since my immigration, there had been few opportunities for me to explore my new home.

The vastness of Washington DC always made me feel overpowered. Gleaming buildings and innumerable cars made me feel as though I was in an alien city of the future. But my insecurity stemmed from living in a small, sheltered village in Croatia for my entire life. Life was simple; nothing was terribly modernized.

I found the FBI easily enough. It was a hub of unceasing activity. I stood before its doors with extreme trepidation. Mustering what little courage I could find, I walked into the bustling lobby. My eyes frantically scanned the space, trying to find Spencer Reid. People in suits jostled me roughly, muttering annoyance at me standing fixed to one spot.

"Anika!"

Reid emerged from behind a book with an absurdly long title, waving a hand at me. "Anika, over here!" He was nearly shouting to be heard over the hubbub. I hurried over, not wanting to be caught in the multitude of people who swarmed in and out.

He swept his hand across the space and said with a sardonic tone, "Welcome to the FBI headquarters, pleasant little home of the BAU." He must have seen the panic in my eyes because he put a comforting arm around my shoulders. "It'll be quieter in the BAU. Let's get you cleared, ok?"

I could only nod in agreement. I was too overwhelmed. With practiced efficiency, Reid guided me through the security checkpoint. After I was cleared and given a guest pass, he led me through the maze of hallways that led to the BAU section.

Once inside the BAU, I breathed a little easier. Here it was less crowded and much less chaotic. When we walked in, Gideon stood there, ready to welcome me.

"Good to see you again Anika." He greeted me with a fatherly hug. "Doing well I hope?" I nod in response, wondering where my voice has gone. "I'm going to make this as easy as possible," he says.

The other BAU members were clustered around Elle's desk. As I walked past them, they looked at me as though I had just invaded their country or other such nonsense.

"Her again?" I heard Elle mutter. "We don't need to talk to her again. We need to catch the bastard who's still out there."

"There's nothing else that she can tell us," Morgan said in agreement.

Hotchner said nothing as he watched me walk past and enter an interrogation room with Gideon and Reid.

Gideon settled me into the cold metal chair and began walking me through the interview process. "Everything is recorded on audio and video. But don't be afraid to speak. Hotch is going to be listening on the other side of the glass."

Reid must have seen the look of panic that crossed my face because his words to me were: "Don't worry about Hotch. Just try to recall any details that you may have left out the first time you talked to us."

The passage of time had eased the trauma of my attack, though it was still quite painful to talk about. Not sure of where to begin, I started from the beginning, trying to recall the more minute details of that day. "I was on my way to work at the hotel and I took my usual shortcut through the alley, the alley that connects East Street to West Main Street. I was halfway down the alley when the sound of footsteps came from behind me. They were soft, as though he was wearing soft soled shoes. Then there was the prick at the back of my neck."

Here I paused, not sure of what to speak next. Frustrated I shrug off my shawl and begin to play with the fringes, hoping it would help me think. Unable to stop myself, I begin to mutter to myself.

"What a great way to welcome someone to America; beat them, rape them and leave them for dead. What sort of supak (bastard) does that? Never in my life have I gone out of my way to harm someone; why would someone feel the need to do it to me? What would majka (mother) and otac (father) say if they knew this had happened?"

I was ranting now, but there was no way I could stop myself. All of these thoughts, and more, had been cluttering my mind ever since I was released from the hospital. As I ranted, my accent became thicker, and I used more words from my native tongue.

"Majka and otac would say to me, 'Ani, you should have never gone. It is a vile place, full of kuarenje (corruption).'"

I turned to face Reid and Gideon, who were standing in a corner of the room, watching me carefully. "The only words that supak spoke to me were 'I will stop this plague'. He said that just before he walked away, leaving me broken on the ground. I wish he had granted me the serenity of death."

Tears splashed down my cheeks, dripping onto the table.

"How am I supposed to live with the shame of losing my nevinost (purity) to a rapist supak? How can I face majka and otac? I have been destroyed by Amerika; the one thing my obitelj (family) warned me about. My brats (brothers) would be on a rampage seeking this supak's blood in revenge."

I was in a full emotional episode, nearly shrieking my frustrations at Reid and Gideon. The looks of sympathy in their eyes did nothing to calm me down. Feeling confined in the small interrogation room, I slammed a fist on the door screaming, "Ukazati se! (open up!)

The bewildered guard opened the door and I nearly flew out, leaving a stunned Gideon and Reid in my wake. Heedless of people, I ran through the rows of desks, skirt hitched up to my knees.

"Anika!" Hearing Spencer's voice almost stopped me, but I was too emotional to care. What stopped me dead was hearing Elle.

"What's your problem?" she snapped at me. "Can't come to terms with what happened?"

I spun around to face her, my grey eyes glinting like flint. "Don't you dare criticize me, Elle Greenaway. You don't know what it is like to be an immigrant in an unforgiving world. You have no idea about the degradations of being sidelined as yet another nuisance the government has to worry about. All I ever wanted was to be accepted; to make a new life for myself. Instead I've received cold shoulders and abuse at every turn." I glared at her. "Vi ste nuke (you are ignorant)", I spat.

Before I could fully come to my senses, I fled the FBI building and ran home. I ignored Nadya completely as I fled to my bedroom. There I cried myself to sleep; the hurt expression of Spencer haunting my sleep.

A/N: Just a little note: I'd really appreciate it if those of you that read left me a little review, just to let me know that you do in fact like what I'm doing here.