Author's Note: Okay, this is Darren's POV because people wanted it. The next one will be Lea's again but I consider this a nice little experiment :)
Please do tell me what you thought.
Chapter Eight
Chai Latte. That's what she smelled like to him, that was the scent he caught from every corner coffee shop through all other distinct smells of the city. He would walk by, be that in Los Angeles or New York, and catch a whiff of the hyped tea drink and momentarily a million different images and memories would flood his brain.
That had happened even before they were dating, even before he'd been single and back then it caused him to feel horrible for a while. Now it made him smile when it happened.
Except that time at the beginning of the holidays when they'd had their big fight. He'd dragged himself to the benefit and met Mia, who immediately noticed he was off but had the courtesy not to pry.
She was great like that, had always been. She was easy-going and chill, she didn't over-analyze things and was very fond of having a good time, a firm believer in a policy she called "Avoiding Uncomfortableness", being involved with her had been simple and without complications. She was also one of those girls who didn't want to be completely tied down and offered the same privileges to the guy she was with.
So when they ended it over the summer, he'd actually felt worse about it than he would've had to because she was neither very shocked nor surprised. They'd floated right back into friendship with zero awkwardness in about two weeks post break-up and through the last half year it became hard to imagine that they'd really been intimate ever, she was like a bro to him now. And just like his guy friends she was straight forward with him but also loyal and patient.
When she realized that he was in no great emotional condition she did her best to keep his focus off of him and his twirling mind, doing most of the talking, making him look occupied so that the media outlets wouldn't catch too much of his mood and it was actually her to thank for that he kept up his smiley facade.
By the end of the night he was exhausted but also thankful that she'd made it so easy for him. He hugged her, not without feeling bad for using her like that. As a decoy first and secretly as a means of irking Lea too.
Because he had to face it, even if she promised she was okay with it; the decoy thing, she was getting some pretty bad tweets and mails for keeping up appearances with him and everything inside him ached and protested putting his friend through that but she kept insisting it was alright and so he didn't change anything. He would though, eventually. Still, it was just a little too convenient to end the pretense right away – as long, of course, as she didn't object. The second she would, he would try to get her out of the mess as safe as he could. It wouldn't be fair to throw her under the bus for his and Lea's "safety".
"Thank you", he muttered, squeezing her tightly, "For not asking and for everything else"
"It's fine, buddy", she shrugged and smiled, ruffling her hair lazily and he remembered that this had used to drive him wild when they were together but know it was just a girl fixing her hair and it seemed funny that feelings could change like this, "Whenever something else is up, call me..and I'll see you at your opening night"
He nodded and thanked her again, making an effort to pay her at least one decent smile. She deserved it and it was the least he could do after being horrible, borderline self-destructive and a goddamn piece of work all night.
He sent her on her way in a cab she'd hailed with a skillful, acclaimed New Yorker whistle and staggered through the streets aimlessly after watching the yellow car disappear behind the block. He'd lost his rep very much purposefully, sending him to his hotel to chill and was glad to not have company. He'd felt like hell and just wanted to find some low profile bar to lick his wounds and get drunk.
Except the thing about New York city was that there where coffee shops all over the place and that they were open 24/7. That's why when he'd walked across the second crossing on his improvised route he naturally passed one of those shops, where naturally everything smelled like caffeine and Chai Latte and all his efforts to ban Lea's face and their fight from his head where lost.
She was there in the cinnamon and most of all in the sweet vanilla scent attacking his senses, flashing pictures of her in front of his eyes, the way she'd looked when she'd started getting angry with him, her voice ringing in his ears, telling him to leave; something he hadn't been expecting her to do at all.
He'd wanted to provoke her, having planned to drop the Mia bomb – he already felt like the worst piece of scum for using this against Lea and for involving his friend in some idiotic attempt to get back at his girlfriend – to have Lea freak out, to make her angry, also in a way to make her admit that she was jealous too, to freak out like he'd freaked out so that he wouldn't feel like a manic lunatic.
But of course she hadn't read his script and reacted totally different than expected. He hadn't thought she would retreat into herself, send him away like that.
And then when she did start screaming she had not taken the bait, her anger was not based on jealousy as he'd intended, it was directed at him as it was due. Just that it had left him completely in shock.
His plan of getting mindlessly drunk had been diminished as soon as he'd smelled the tea in the air and he was dead sober on the cab ride back to her place, turning her key he'd picked back up from the coffee table during their fight – before she'd kicked him out – in his hand. He'd wondered what he would say to her and ended up just begging, hoping, wishing and praying and begging some more for her forgiveness.
He'd tried his best not to cry with desperation first and then relief later when she did and he was so glad to be able to just hold her, he swore he would never let it get so far again that he would have to fear he wouldn't be welcome in her bed anymore. The thought alone was excruciating.
Gladly they'd made it through the night and the time after the fight they'd handled each other a little more carefully at first but he was happy when they clicked back into place eventually and started going back to normal. Or as normal as their relationship could be.
He knew very well that Lea wasn't happy with their agreement of keeping their relationship a secret and she wouldn't be any time soon – probably not ever but he believed firmly that it was best.
They deserved a chance at this, they owed each other a solid foundation to build the relationship on and even if they were emotionally attached in a way that quite honestly terrified him, he knew they would have to build even deeper connections before he could allow the world to mingle in their business and load their judgment and opinions on them.
And most importantly they needed to earn each other's faith, they needed to be trusting each other fully and have their blind emotional and physical need for each other settle a bit into normality. They were sick and desperate for each other. Their honeymoon phase was more intense – also in its highs and lows – than he'd ever thought possible, a clear sign that there needed to be more time and every day life to polish them to endure whichever obstacles they might had to overcome in the future. They were burning up for each other and while that felt nice and scary at the same time it was precisely the wrong time to put the pressure of exposure on them. When the wildfire had made way for a steady, sheltered flame, when there was warmth not heat, that's when they could be together out in the open but right then and there, the time just wasn't right yet.
He hoped everyday that she would grow to understand him and not harvest a secret animosity for keeping her in the shadows. He didn't know where she got the idea but the night after the fight they were whispering to each other under the sheets she had asked him if he was embarrassed of her and hiding her because of that.
"Why would you even think that?", he'd protested, twisting a strand of her auburn hair in his fingers.
"I don't know", she admitted, "I just get scared sometimes, that you've finally figured out that I'm just some idiot kid with a pair of nice legs that can't really keep up with you"
"You start sounding like me way too much", he smirked but then was committed to get his point across, "You're the single most greatest person I have ever met. Ever, Lea. I told you a million times but, hey, I'll say it again if you want me to. And even though I have to admit that your legs are fantastic, they can't hold a candle to this-"
He touched the left side of her chest gently, where her heart was.
"-or this", he said, bringing his hand up to remove some hairs from her forehead and then kissing it softly, "You're perfect and wonderful and never in a million years would I be embarrassed of you. If I could I would carry you around Time Square on one hand, pat my chest with the other and yell 'Mine' at everyone who passes us"
"And climb the Empire State, holding me in your fist, huh?", Lea finally chuckled, catching his drift and snuggled closer to him.
He laughed quietly in response and wrapped his arms tightly around her, he loved how seamlessly she fit in there, their difference in height so perfect for all kinds of cuddling it felt like they'd been designed as a package deal somewhere.
"I don't want you to ever think I'm not anything but obnoxiously proud that I somehow managed to end up with you", he added to a couple of kisses he trailed on her hairline.
"Just keep reminding me", she'd added before her hands traveled south.
That night, he found out that everything they say about make up sex is true. Lea gazed up at him the whole time like he was the most precious thing in the world to her and beyond this turning him on, it also made him proud and reaffirmed him and he repayed her with putting extra effort into reading her reactions.
He knew what she liked to start out with but he pushed the envelope a bit, trying some new things, some new angles, registering just what she enjoyed and what he wouldn't do again.
Lea on her part was just as eager to please him and to help him figure her out, she guided his hands, breathed harder when she liked something and redirected his efforts when she didn't.
It was like they were getting to know each other again, tangled up in damp sheets, hands in each others hair, wandering up and down each others bodies and when he towered over her, clasped between her legs he couldn't help to smile when her eyes glistened with tears.
She looked away self consciously as the first one ran down her cheek.
"Don't laugh at me", she muttered barely audible.
"I'm not laughing, I think it's endearing", he answered, not pausing with his movements.
"You think it's endearing that – ungh", she had to stop talking for a second as her eyes rolled back into her head and he felt accomplished, "You think it's endearing that you're making me cry?"
Darren had to take a while answering himself because their current angle worked wonders for them both apparently.
"But it's not sad tears", he said once he could again, a distant part of his brain pushing away the fact that she'd probably cried those very sad tears the night before because of him.
"No", she breathed, her fingernails digging into his back, "Not sad tears"
"I love you", he cooed, bending down to kiss her salty cheeks and her lips and only released them for her to repeat the three words to him.
They barely slept that night but even when he felt beaten and tired the next day at rehearsal, he didn't feel sorry in the slightest.
Christmas was fast approaching and while they would both spend the 25th with their families; Lea with her huge Italian one in the Bronx and Darren with his parents at Chucks place, they'd resolved to spend Christmas Eve with Chuck and his fiancé.
In the morning Lea met with Dianna for lunch and Darren was at rehearsal again. He'd gotten into the swing of things better yet, his lines still were sprinkled with flubs but at least the choreographies were sinking in with ease.
He also had another interview, he'd had about three within the past week and no outlet had failed to at least try to ask him about his love life. He always declined answering, saying his usual mantra of "I might be, I might not be" - in a relationship that was. He still smirked though, saying it, thinking of Lea every time.
He got back to his rented apartment at half past six, texting Lea to meet him in the West Village, at a Subway station near to where Chuck lived. He still took the Subway even if he got recognized sometimes.
But then again he got recognized everywhere, may that be a clothing store, the Subway or at the Whole Foods in Lea's neighborhood where she'd sent him to buy cucumbers the other day.
A little after seven she hopped out of a black SUV cab, her hair tied back in a pony tail, with black leather boots up to her knees and a gift bag in her hand. She drew him into a very quick hug and pecked him on the cheek. Her eyes were clouded with restraint as he sat her back on her full feet and he could see how she clung harder to the gift bag so she wouldn't cling to him.
A part of him would always feel bad to put her in that place where she constantly couldn't act on what they both wanted but her easy smile and even steps beside him distracted him well enough.
"I bought Champagne for dinner", she informed him as they walked around the corner into a calm side street with old city houses lining the boardwalks, "The fancy stuff"
"Laura will be delighted", Darren said.
"And I got gifts for them too and for your parents but nothing huge, just something nice to give to them tomorrow when you see them"
"That's so sweet but really not necessary", Darren lamented, "Also now I look like an ass because I have nothing for your parents"
"That's alright", Lea hurried to say, "I just thought I'd pay them my respects for their hospitality for letting me stay at your house"
"I let you stay in that house, you should be paying me respects", he huffed mockingly, nudging her shoulder.
"You'll get your Christmas present too, alright", she huffed back, "You just wait"
"You bought me a gift too?", he said, hitting his hand to his heart over-dramatically, pulling a grimace of awe and surprise much like someone who'd just won an Oscar.
"Of course", she nodded.
"What is it?", he asked, wondering if he could pry it out of her.
"You'll find out soon enough", she shrugged adamantly, "I'm not telling you before dinner, no chance"
"But I can guess?", he tried again, more playfully.
"You'll never guess it anyway", she smiled up at him smugly, "So knock yourself out"
"Okay..hmm, let's see..you're not carrying a giant suitcase, so it isn't a big present", he started.
"You think?"
"A-huh..so it might be coming in an envelope?"
"No"
"But it's small"
"Not really"
"So it's big?"
"Not really"
"Medium size?"
"Sort of", she quipped and giggled at his efforts and he was happy that she was having a good time with this.
"Okay, sort of medium sized it is"
"Maybe not only, maybe it's really tiny too", Lea hinted.
"How can it be medium sized and tiny at the same time?", he wondered incredulously.
"I don't know..can you believe that?", Lea laughed.
"Wait, no, it's two things!", he almost yelled with the revelation, "One's medium sized and one is tiny...just like us"
Lea stopped smiling for a second, not having thought he'd catch on to her elusive hint but effectively ending his guessing game by turning it around.
"So what did you get me?", she asked.
"A large pack of condoms", he shrugged with no hint of sarcasm.
"Yeah, right", she scoffed.
"No really", he said, raising an eyebrow.
"And what should I do with that? Make water balloons?", Lea wasn't having a minute of it, she knew just as well as him that they didn't make much use of condoms. They had in the beginning but once they'd figured out that their thing was for the long run, they'd relied on her birth control.
"Okay, it's not condoms", he admitted, "But it would have been awesome to see Chuck's face if I'd put those under the tree"
"Oh God", Lea chuckled, "I'd have been mortified"
"But then Chuck could've reassured my Dad that we're being safe", he said, nudging her towards a stony staircase up to Chuck's town house.
Lea was still laughing when he rang the door bell.
"Darren?", she sighed when she joined him on the top step.
"What?"
"How am I gonna go back to LA without you?", she asked, furrowing her brow at him, "And then deal with you being away for three weeks? I don't think I can handle that"
"Oh, you'll be fine", he waved off but her bright smile had made way to a pursed mouth that left no doubt of her true worries.
"I'm gonna miss you so badly", she muttered, not in the least joking, "It's gonna tear me in two"
"I'll be back before you even notice I was gone", he assured her, squeezing her hand lightly.
"Trust me, I will notice", she held on to his hand and he figured it was alright, no one who would pass them could see them in the dim light.
"We'll talk on skype whenever we can and I'll be back with you in no time"
"Still, it's almost a month and I'm not gonna like it", she murmured stubbornly just as Chuck opened the door with an energetic swing and ushered them inside with a quick hug for Darren and a polite handshake for Lea – after all, they'd only met once and very briefly.
"Merry Christmas", Lea piped beside him and passed the gift bag with the Champagne on, "I hope this is alright for dinner?"
"Of course, thank you", Chuck said as they walked to the living-dining room where Laura, Chucks fiancée, waited for them with appetizers.
Lea went right over to her and introduced herself while Darren took their coats to the wardrobe and then followed Chuck into the kitchen.
"She looks even prettier from that close", Chuck said approvingly, as if congratulating his baby brother on his catch.
"I know", he nodded and then looked around the corner to find Lea and Laura engaged in a conversation by the Christmas tree, "She'll be gone after New Year's. Back to LA. And that sucks, like, I know she has to go back and I really don't want her to see me at Opening Night but..you know, it's Broadway and it's her thing and it's ridiculous but I kinda, irrationally thought she would be with me on this"
"What's she gonna do?", Chuck shrugged, "She has to work, right?"
"Yeah", Darren nodded sheepishly, he didn't want Lea to know that he would go a little nuts too with her gone, it wouldn't do them any good if they were both freaking out about it but he'd hoped Chuck would at least understand him, "I'll just miss her, I guess"
"You'll get her back", Chuck chuckled a bit at his brothers dramatics.
Darren swallowed a remark about Cory, about how the taller man should stay away from his girlfriend but then again when they fought, Lea had had a point. He had pushed for them to use stupid decoy tactics or at the very least he didn't tell her not to do it and so he really had no right to throw jabs at Cory.
And really he had no problem with the guy, it was just that he knew how Lea could be, how enchanting, how breathtaking and amazing and he thought that he wasn't the only one who felt like that about her..and if – given the opportunity – Cory wouldn't try to approach her.
Hell, he himself had approached her when she was still dating someone else, he was no better.
Of course nothing had ever happened between them but he had made sure to let Lea know that he was an option.
It killed him to imagine Cory doing the same and Lea going for the offer. He cringed just thinking how he'd feel if Lea left him. There would merely be a shadow of him left, he knew that much, he wouldn't even be able to get up in the morning.
"Boys", Lea's loud voice called from the living room then, audible proof that she felt happy and comfortable in the new environment, otherwise she wouldn't have yelled like she owned the place, "what are you gushing about, hiding in the kitchen?"
"We were just catching up a little", Darren smiled, careful not to let her in on their conversation and stepped out into the living room.
Lea joined him in a heartbeat, one arm snaking around his waist and she leaned her head lightly against his shoulder, "The tree is so wonderful..who's taking credit for it?"
"Chuck put it up", Laura smiled, "But I did most of the decorating"
"Hey, I also put the lights on it", Chuck protested and they all laughed when they moved to the set dinner table.
Laura and Lea excused themselves to get the rest of the food on the table and while Darren wasn't all too comfortable letting the women cater to them, he could see that Lea drew a very great kick out of it. She did love to play house from time to time and she loved everything about serving food anyway – even if she hadn't cooked it herself for a change.
They had mixed starters and a veggie plate for Lea, Laura asking Darren about Broadway and later Lea practically interrogated Chuck about Freelance Whales.
"Darren showed me some of your songs and I just had to get it all on iTunes and now I'm addicted", she said and Chuck thanked her.
He seemed happy for the recognition and all through dinner, Lea would remember some other questions she wanted to ask him. She also had lots to talk to Laura about, mostly shoes and dresses, as cliché as it was. Darren was happy that she fit in so seamlessly, he knew how much she worried about his family and friends liking her. Whenever she met new people in his life she was slightly on edge about it, worried that the important people in his life wouldn't approve of her.
Something she shouldn't be worrying about at all, wonderful as she was, he thought, listening to Lea and Laura happily retracing their New York childhood,. Laura was from New York too and so the girls had lots of topics to go through before the main course was over and done with and Chuck declared they would open their gifts now.
Darren jumped off his seat excitedly and took his wine to the couch facing the Christmas tree. He felt positively twelve again and tried to make out which ones of the packages under the tree were for him.
Chuck had gotten him a new case and set of drumsticks and Laura had bought him a crime novel, although she admitted that she didn't know when on earth he'd find the time to read it.
Chuck and Laura gave each other a trip to Barbados so they were only unwrapping Lea's and Darren's gifts. He had bought a couple of shirts for Chuck, so that he didn't always have to borrow his and Lea had picked out a pair of earrings for Laura, which the latter put on immediately and for the rest of the night he could see her looking out for reflecting surfaces to appreciate her new "bling".
"Okay, now I get your gift", he said resolutely turning to Lea after she'd unpacked a coffee table book with pictures of New York City, her present from Chuck and Laura.
"Fine", Lea nodded, carefully putting her book to the side, "I put them under the tree"
Wrapped in glossy silver paper that yelled 'Lea', Darren didn't mistake his presents; one was a little cube and the other was a square box.
He brought them back to the couch and looked up at her, finding her smiling with anticipation as he took up the bigger package for unwrapping.
The paper came off easily and revealed a six DVD super special edition of all the Lord Of The Rings movies and he yelped because, well..Lord Of The Rings!
"First I'd picked up the High School Musical Box Set but you already got that so..", she explained and he chuckled, pulling her in for a chaste kiss. He needed to be careful not to ravish her in front of his brother – that would have been awkward.
"Thank you", he said, "I always said I wanted it but never got around to buying it and this one even has all the special features, god, it's perfect"
Lea smiled knowingly and patted his knee, "Open the second one..but I need to explain a bit..I don't want you to freak out"
He knew what she meant the second he opened the little black box and found a ring and a small purple stone in the middle of it. He tilted his head, waiting for her to elaborate.
"It's a mood ring", she said, taking it out of the box and showing him the dark violet ring, holding it out for him to put his finger through, "I know you love your rings and so I thought I should give you one that's also useful because it tells you how you feel if you're not sure"
He laughed at that let her put it on him, watching it slowly changing color to a full indigo blue.
"What does blue mean?", he asked her curiously.
"Well um..green means you're feeling neutral, red means you're anxious, beige means you're bored, black means you're anxious and blue, blue means that you feel love", she explained grinning and he couldn't help but kiss her again.
"And when I'm away and you want to send me a message you can wear this and I will see it on the paps pictures and know how you feel at the same time", she muttered in a hushed voice, a lot quieter than before so that the others would have problems hearing her.
"Thank you", he repeated and took her hand in his, the ring still a deep blue.
"The stone is an amethyst", she went on, nodding her head towards the stone left in the box, "It's said to help with spirituality and contentment, so you can take it on stage with you and it'll settle you when you get nervous..it's my good luck charm for you because I can't be there"
"I love you so much", he whispered then, leaning against her so their foreheads nudged together.
He was really moved, even though he'd known she would probably get him something with meaning he was still smitten that she'd managed to get him just what he needed; nothing of ridiculous prizes, just heartfelt gestures that meant so much more.
"Now I'm afraid you won't like my gift though", he muttered but she immediately shook her head resolutely.
"That's not possible", she promised, "Well..unless you got me a horse carriage ride, in which case we would have to break up"
He scoffed, reluctantly getting up to produce an oblong box from his canvas bag, "If I ever want to get rid of you I'd do that"
The gift for her was wrapped in the iconic Tiffany's turquoise that made her eyes widen just by one glance and he brought it over to her, putting it in her hands. Their banter about horse carriages instantly forgotten.
"You didn't need to", she breathed looking down at the box, almost afraid to open it.
"I didn't have to take a loan, it's just a little something", he laughed, "Just open it"
She looked at him once again and he could see her holding her breath before she started tucking at the paper.
He hoped she didn't expect a diamond collier now. Not that he hadn't spent good money on it but it was still on the lower range of jewelry prizes he'd stalked past at his trip to the famous Tiffany's in the city.
He ended up picking what he picked because it reminded him of her, not because of the prize tag.
Lea seemed more than content with his choice though when she opened the lid, shooting a look down at it then back up at him and then back at his gift.
"It's beautiful Darren!", she exclaimed before flinging her free arm around him and pecking that part of his neck she landed on.
"I'm glad you like it", he smiled when she let him go and gestured towards the necklace still sitting in a box, asking her to turn around so he could put it on her.
It was a golden, delicate and discrete chain with a little butterfly charm dangling down from it and when she turned back to him, beaming, he could see that it looked wonderful on her, sitting in between her collar bones like she'd never worn anything else.
"It matches your tattoos", he said unnecessarily when she glanced down and ran her fingertip over the pendant.
"I love it", she reassured and cupped his face gently. He searched her features for any sign of present face but she looked sincerely and genuinely happy and he could finally breathe freely again, happy that she seemed to really like his present.
They didn't leave for another two hours, enjoying Strawberry Cheesecake and another bottle of wine after they emptied Champagne and Lea hugged Chuck and Laura extra tight before tumbling out the door with a huge grin.
Darren hugged them goodbye as well but not as wildly because he'd see them again the next day for their family Christmas and so when he got back to Lea it had almost been too late.
Everything happened really fast, he'd just taken the last step when he heard tires shriek and Lea's heels clicking away on the concrete and he barely saw what happened because he acted on instinct then, jumping to her side, grabbing her tightly by the arm and pulling her away from the street when a black fancy car almost hit her.
"What the fuck are you doing you son of a bitch?", he yelled after the car uselessly, still clasping her against him, "Asshole!"
He couldn't think straight for a second and she couldn't either, both momentarily sober as they stood on the sidewalk, entwined in a terrified hug.
"Are you okay?", he asked her after a few seconds, still in shock.
"I..I..think so", she stuttered.
"That fucking dick nearly hit you", Darren breathed, his brain only now starting to piece together the other outcome of the scenario. Lea run over by some fucker, Lea in hospital, Lea possibly fighting for her life..and possibly loosing. He pulled her closer as his throat dried out.
"I didn't pay attention", she muttered, "It was my fault"
"Bullshit, he was driving way too fast", Darren said louder, "Did you see his plate? I'm gonna sue the bitch, holy shit"
"It's okay", Lea hurried and reached for his face, making him look at her, she was shaken, yes, but still shot him a calming smile, "You just saved my life"
"God, Lea", he only noticed that he'd been holding his breath as he let it go now, ducking down to kiss her forcefully, wanting to push the thoughts of her hurt far far away. He didn't give a rats ass if anybody saw them, in that very second he would have kissed her in the middle of time square in front of everybody. Shit, he'd almost just potentially lost the love of his life.
When Lea was fast asleep in his arms that night, he still didn't seem to be able to get over the near-miss disaster. He didn't even think about what her parents would say or their friends, he just thought about himself, how he would feel, this already took up that much capacity of his brain that he wasn't able to find sleep. Everything else could barely fit in there anymore.
How would he live if he lost her? And worse not to her own choice but to tragedy? And suddenly he thought of all the things that could be happening to her, a plain crash, a traffic accident, a maniac shooting her, her tripping down stairs, her elevator crashing...all possible horrifying scenarios playing in front of his inner eye. His hands closed tighter around her involuntarily as he tried to keep the demons entertained.
What if he lost her by force? What would happen to him then? How could he make sure she would always be safe? How could he possibly let her go anywhere without him watching over her?
He knew it was impossible but he felt the strongest yearning to follow her everywhere, protect her, just to make sure nothing could ever take her away from him, to be certain that nothing could harm her.
"Darr'n", her voice came feeble and clouded with sleep, "Babe, you're squishing me"
Gasping in surprise he let her go a little, apparently he had tightened his grip on her even further.
"Go back to sleep", she whispered, patting his arm around her tummy in her usual little spoon position.
"I'm trying", he whispered back, "I've just been thinking about the accident and it's keeping me up"
"It wasn't an accident", she insisted, "I'm fine, Babe"
"But it was damn close", Darren didn't let himself be appeased that easily, "I could have lost you"
"No car can take me down", her fingers twisted his arm hairs patiently as she spoke, "I'm a Sarfati, we've got thick skulls"
"I hope so", he muttered, "I guess I just want what I can't have"
"What is that?", she asked curiously, turning in his arms to face him, her head tilted in question.
"Some kind of guarantee?", he tried to verbalize what he desired, "A promise from the universe that nothing is gonna take you away from me, that you'll always be there and we will always love each other. But there's no such thing"
"I know", she whispered, scooping closer to him, "There's never a guarantee but I can promise you that I will always care about you – you're a part of me now, you know? And for as long as I live there'll be your name on some wall in my heart..you'll always have a piece of me. And a home in there"
"Can't we just have a contract or something?", Darren muttered, a lot more at ease than before, "Us two and the universe?"
Lea laughed her delicious throaty laugh and threw her arm out, over to the bedside table and she rummaged around before turning back to him, holding a ballpoint pen.
"Give me your hand", she ordered and he obliged.
"I will never leave you and love you forever", she read as she wrote on his skin, "signed, L xoxo"
And then she took his other hand, reading along again.
"I will never take Lea away from you and never take you away from Lea – signed, the universe"