Author's Note: My first Bleach fic. This will be relatively short. No more than three chapters and possibly a sequel depending if it gets enough reviews.

This takes place after episode 311 so there will be spoilers if you haven't seen it yet.

Drama/romance. No action.

Anyways, hope you guys like this, thanks much!

Chapter 1-Over My Head

And suddenly I become a part of your past

I'm becoming the part that don't last

I'm losing you and it's effortless

Eight days and he still sleeps. Everyone worries over him like a newborn babe fighting a fever. Inoue hasn't left his side but to use the bathroom. Chad and Ishida leave only for a few hours day. Friends come and visit. They treat it as a sick room: whisper and step lightly. Never laugh or smile. It's disgusting and I will not be a part of it.

I train. I push myself beyond my limits till there is nothing left and I collapse to my knees. My brother looks on, staring down at me as if he understands and perhaps he does but I do not wish to hear it. I am not some weak female that needs pity. This isn't the first time I have had to wait. I have gotten very good at it. Better than most I would say.

Using my sword as I crutch I regain my footing and then whip it out before me to restart our battle but Byakuya turns his back on me. "We are done."

Shocked by his denial, I call after him, "Nii-sama." yet he does not return.

Rages tightens my lips. Not only have we trained for the past five days and I have still been unable to injury him even once, but now he refuses the only outlet I have from this atrocious waiting. My legs give out and my fists drop to the ground, my sword falls forgotten to the dirt beside me.

I hate this. I hate everything that's happened. I hate that I can't help Ichigo at all. That I can't even stand beside him anymore. I run and I run to keep up with him and he laps me. Waves at me as he goes on by. He's at the finish line while I have a hundred more rounds to go. And the worst part is, at that finish line, there isn't a celebration or a rest, there is a monster trying to destroy the world and he is the only one there able to kill it. Now with all of that training, and everything that he has gone through, he has to go all the way back to start. He's going to be normal again.

I pound the ground again and again. I hate it. I hate it all. It's all my fault. I should have never given him my powers and I wish I never met him to begin with.

When my rages finally ebb and my tears slowly all soak into my kimono, I lean back upon my legs, ashamed I allowed myself this moment of despair. It is then I see feet before me.

With wide fearful eyes I lift my gaze up to find Renji staring down at me. He wears no smile as he holds out a large hand for me. "Renji." Not knowing what else to do and still feeling so much guilt, I put my hand in his. I bow my head and stand before him.

Shock rocks me when his arms wrap around me. I'm tight and tense but more surprised then anything. There once was a time where I would have given anything to be held by him long ago when we were younger. Yet I appreciate it, what he's trying to do. My hands grip his shirt and momentarily I pretend it's Ichigo, but I stop myself because I don't want to make myself feel worse. I don't allow anymore tears to fall though the pain still squeezes my eyes and makes my lips tighten.

"He will wake soon." He reassures.

"I know." I force out strong. I'm weak enough. I don't want to sound it.

"He will be normal then."

I swallow. "I know."

"Things then can go back to normal."

Normal. Is that what things will be? From the side, I look out onto the land. Will Soul Society ever be normal again? Three of our Captains betrayed us. One became so powerful he threatened the entire populous of both realms: Soul Society and the Human World. In our desperation we put aside our traditions and our old-blood faiths to place our hopes in a human boy who surpassed all bounds, possessing no rank or noble blood, to defeat our enemy.

But normal would be good right? Ichigo could go back to school. He could finish high school. He is only in high school. He is so young yet. He has college and a career still ahead of him. He will have a wife and children. And grandchildren and a whole entire life yet. It's what he deserved since the very beginning. It's what I had stolen from him and now he is going to get a second change.

He is getting a second chance.

A smile shifts on my lips.

"Hai." I whisper. I take a step back and look up to him, "Arigato, Renji." I grin for him and he beams down me, scratching the back of his head.

After a bath, I feel much better. My resolve is stronger than ever now. Ichigo will go back and have a good human life. It's what was suppose to happen to begin with before I ever came into the picture. I'm thankful this has happened. More than anything.

I come into his room. Inoue is knelled beside him and she greets me with the regular, "Kuchiki-san," smiling ever so sweetly. Worry is on her brow as it has been since Ichigo first collapsed in the field.

It was that day I realized what I probably should have realized long ago. Inoue is in love with Ichigo. And I think he saw it then too.

I wonder what he thinks of her. She is beautiful. So adoringly sweet. She has the same type of mentality where saving others is more important then protecting herself. And of course, I can't forget her damned breasts that are ginormous. He definitely has noticed those if nothing else. How many pictures have I taken out of his possession?

She would be a good human partner for him.

The thought comes on the same moment I respond, so my voice falters, "Any change?" I clear my voice as I sit beside her.

She looks at me, silently asking if I'm alright. Inoue shakes her head, "No. He hasn't moved. Urahara-san says he should wake up soon, though."

"Have you eaten today?" I ask her this every time I come in after my bath. Most times she hasn't.

"Oh yes, Yoruichi-san brought me some delicious food. There should be some left." She goes to stand and I stop her shaking my head.

"I'm fine. I've already eaten. Arigato." I lie but she doesn't notice. She relaxes and turns her attention back to Ichigo. She places a rag upon his brow to wipe the sweat from his forehead. It isn't hot, chilly really yet his skin is clammy and red. It's hard to pretend he sleeps peacefully while he looks so ill.

The silence between us is rough. I don't know what makes it so. I hold no grudges against her. She will be with Ichigo for the rest of his human life and I will be a forgotten memory. It's the way it should be. If there is anyone in the human world I would like Ichigo to live happily with it would be her. She would take good care of him. Better care than I am capable of.

What do I know of taking care of a man? Kaien died because of me. Ichigo's human life was destroyed because me.

"Kuchiki-san." Inoue whispers to me. I flip my gaze over to her but she looks down upon Ichigo and refuses to meet mine own. Her hands grip her pant legs, her shoulders are rigid and tight. Anxiety stresses her back which only makes my eyes narrow in question. "Are you going to leave him again?" My gaze bulges and I stumble over myself with confusion. She doesn't lift her eyes and her voice never escalates over a whisper but I can sense her frustration even if I don't understand it. "You stayed in Soul Society after he went through so much to rescue you. Now after everything and how he will lose his powers. Are you going to leave him again?"

Leave him?

I have never left him. He has always been in my thoughts and has always been the first thing on my mind when I wake and the last thing on my mind when I sleep.

The reason I stayed in Soul Society, not that it is any of her business, had been only to keep Ichigo safe. I thought by staying away it would take Ichigo off of Central 46's radar and he could try and live an ordinary life even with his extraordinary powers.

Ichigo had understood. We both hadn't liked it. The look he had given me. I remember it still. It was then I knew he felt something for me too. But just as I am not stupid now, I wasn't stupid then. Shinigami and humans cannot work out.

As stubborn as I had tried to be, I ended up returning to him at the first sign of trouble out of worry and desperation.

Inoue insults injury me more than I let her see and I turn my face away. One last look down at Ichigo before I get to my feet and I leave the room behind making sure to not slam the door on my way out.

She understands nothing. She is a human and I shouldn't expect her to. I am a Shinigami. I cannot live in the human world and have a human life. It is against the Laws of Seireitei. How couldn't she see that?

Even if I were to fight it, why should I? Ichigo may have feelings for me but he is a child. Human feelings come and go like the wind. Today it's me, tomorrow it's some girl he met on the bus and then the next it's a different one he met in class. He's a teenage boy despite also being one of the most powerful Shinigamis in the whole spiritual realm. He'll get over it. He'll move on. I'll move on.

Inoue. She loves him so well, she cares less how much she just hurt me. She'll be a great wife for him. She'll protect him from selfish people like me.

Stupid, nasty tears. How many times will I have to see her cry? I remember the first time, it had been because of me.

With the Kuchiki family behind her, having just accepted her into their clan, she had told me with sadness in her gaze and I had given her nothing but false happiness. We had both known what it would mean. We would be separated. Our paths would no longer cross. Our lives would be disentangled. And the one thing we hadn't wanted to talk about yet, would be the fact that I would no longer be suitable marriage material. Of course we hadn't been ready at the time despite the fact that I was saving for a ring. Another year, maybe two and I would take her back to the place where we had first met and ask her that one question down on my knee.

She had walked away from me then with tears in her eyes and as they slipped from her chin, so did our chance of ever being together. I knew it then. I grew colder and so did she. Our relationship crumbled. We didn't talk. We became bitter strangers to one another. For months, years, we forgot we ever knew one another. Until of course, Ichigo awakened the connection we once shared.

For me it was as if no time past at all. Rukia was of course a bit more mature than what she had been but really she was the same girl I had fallen in love with long ago on the streets of Rukongai.

It wasn't the same for her though. The way she looked at Ichigo was the way she use to look at me. It made me hate him so deeply I couldn't kill him fast enough. No matter how much my blade made him bleed it was never enough. I wanted to make him suffer as I had the whole time Rukia had been absent from my life. Yet the more I fought him, Ichigo changed my hatred as he managed to do with everyone else into respect.

Now even if he is my best friend, I'm going to betray him.

People do terrible things for love. Me, Renji, a callous and cool Shinigami, in love. Sounds ridiculous when I think about it.

I hadn't thought I would do this today. I thought about waiting for Ichigo to leave thinking perhaps it would be easier. But the more I thought about it the more I hated waiting. And I really have waited long enough. I have proven myself more than worthy. I have reached Bankai. I have survived multiple battles even if I didn't win them. And I have surpassed more than enough of my superiors. Defeating Captain Kuchiki probably won't happen in this lifetime and as I've already said, I really hate waiting.

It's after dark so I know Captain Kuchiki will be home. I wait outside as one of his servants goes to tell him I'm here. My nervousness wakes Zabimaru and he stirs, checking out the scenery before going back to sleep. I don't wish to explain anything to him right now so I'm glad he doesn't question.

I'm directed into his parlor were Captain Kuchiki is already waiting for me. I kneel bowing, touching my forehead to the floor. "What brings you here, Renji?"

"Kuchiki-taichou," I greet, deciding whether I should lift myself up or not. I've never been this nervous before and again Zabimaru rolls in agitation. What should I say? I haven't prepared a speech. I haven't thought of anything. I never do. I just barrel through everything like a dumbass as Rukia constantly tells me. So without further adieu, I'm just going to say it. "I wish to ask for Rukia's hand." I stumble on the next part, "In, marriage." I spit out roughly. I never thought how stupid it would sound aloud. I've never talked about this with anyone. Never said the words before. Perhaps I should of.

It's silent for a while. A long a while. So long in fact that my nerves get the better of me and I have to lift my head up. Captain Kuchiki looks at me emotionless as always but he's thinking I can see. I know him better than most. He's calculating. Deciding whether I'm worthy or not. I don't think it should take him so long. I'm proven myself so much it's ridiculous. Yet I know I'm foolish even as I'm sitting here. I'm nothing. I have no noble blood in my veins. I was raised a street rat and I will die as one no matter what rank I hold when death greets me.

The only reason I am able to sit here now and ask, the only way that I got this chance in the first place is because of Ichigo. He's changed everything. He's made the impossible possible. He's flipped the ranks and emptied the clans of all of their superficial honor to where ever street rats can actually one day marry a noble woman.

It's irony I guess. That the girl I want to marry, is the same girl that's in love with him.

Go ahead and ask why am I doing this if I know that Rukia is in love with Ichigo. She may not know it. She may deny it all she likes. I've known since I saw her in her human form back in the human world.

The unselfish reason, the one I like to grasp on to, to make myself feel better: is so she won't go after Ichigo. It's a relationship that can never be. A shinigami and human is impossible. It is against all the Laws. Who knows what the court would do? I already had to suffer once with her in jail, rotting away, unable to help the events that unfolded. I couldn't do it again.

Then the selfish reason I like to ignore, is because now, is my only chance. While everything is still messed up because of Ichigo, while people are still celebrating and clans and ranks aren't as important and low lives like me have a chance to be with noble blood like her. I want to grasp it so I don't miss this opportunity like I lost it so many years ago.

And I feel that if I wait until Ichigo leaves, if I wait until he loses his powers, I'll be betraying him worse. I want him to know. While he's capable of fighting me for her. Because I do intend to fight him for her.

"Kuchiki-taichou," I ask after so many minutes have past.

"You will give me a day to discuss this with Rukia."

I feel my cheeks heat up at the idea. Of course she would have to be notified. I had actually wanted to do it myself though. I wanted an answer first. There was no reason going through all the hassle if her family would just object to it anyway.

As cowardly as this may seem, I nod. I would leave it up to him then.

Walking home, I could only chastise myself. How could I leave without an answer? I should have demanded one. Captain Kuchiki likes to pull the strings. Being in charge is what he lives for. And making me suffer and hang off his every word is like a drug to him.

I flip around. I can't let him ask Rukia for me. What kind of man am I?

I ran as fast as I can. Zabimaru is finally annoyed enough to become wide wake asking all sorts of enraged questions. I just ignore him, telling him to shut up and to go back to sleep. It only angers him. I can sense Rukia. She had been in her room earlier but now she is coming closer. Luckily for me, the Kuckiki compounds are the largest in the area. Still, I better not be too late or I'll never hear the end of it. It's not at all how I wanted to propose, damn it. It was suppose to be better than this. Her brother doing it for me because I'm scared. Because I know it's not me she wants to be with. Because I know I'm nothing but the second-place prize. And yet still, it's better than nothing.

I ran through the house ignoring the servants that call after me and squeal when I plow into them. I turn a corner, only to mow right into her. We crash to the floor, embarrassingly. I'm able to catch myself so I don't completely crush her but she bangs her head against the wooden floor and curls, "Owe, damn it." She flips her angry eyes up at me, "Renji!" She bites. With a few smacks on my chest she hollers, "What are you doing here!"

I scramble to get off her, both our cheeks are bright right and I catch her hands to lift her to her feet. I clumsily pat the dust from her clothes and she brushes my hands off her just as awkwardly. "Gomen, Gomen. Has Kuchiki-taichou spoken to you yet?"

"He just summoned me and he'll get annoyed if I'm late. Why?"

Thoughtless, I grab her hand and head toward the back gardens. She struggles against me but my strength will always outweigh hers. She sputters and stumbles then we get out onto the back deck and I finally let go of her hand. Lanterns have been lit around around the gardens and the waterfalls trickle. It's pretty serene and not so bad a location for what I'm about to do.

As I catch her eyes though, all my confidence flies out of me.

Her gaze is wide in waiting but I can see her patience is running thin. I know I need to hurry considering Captain Kuchiki has called on her. I should have just let him do this I realize. I could have been home by now. "Renji?" She forces our, getting nervous under my stare.

"Rukia." I say her name like all the other million times before and yet someone it feels different on my lips and even my stomach can't handle it. The question I want to ask repeats non-stop only to remind me that I don't have the ring on me. I want to smash my head into a brick wall for that stupid mistake. I had no intention of doing this today. Shit, I had no intention of doing it this month let alone this week. It's safely stashed away in my sock drawl, where it's been for the past four months. I had chosen a ring over a pair of new sunglasses, that's a big deal for me.

I take a step toward her and unconsciously she takes a step back. She already has to lean her head back to look up at me, now she tilts her body enabling her to catch my eye. I snatch a hand of hers in mine and they swallow up her fingers like the ocean swallows a fish. She's so small and fragile. I'll always have to be careful not to hurt her. Despite how touch she acts, she's fallible. It's what I love about her.

The whole question gets cut short. Getting down on my knees doesn't even filter. I just spit out, "Marry me."

I'm not a romantic. I'm Shinigami. She'll understand. She's my other half. Such dumb-struck words of love are wasted on her. She'd tell me to shut up half way through and get to the point.

Her mouth drops open like I knew it would. Shock, surprise, emotions I can deal with. I've hid my feelings for a long time. It's easy when you chose the life of a warrior. You train and fight, weapons are like women and women are like bugs. I've been with only a few and every time I was too drunk too remember the aftermath. Luckily Rukia never caught me with a woman. What a horror that would have been.

As it took her brother a moment, it takes her one. And slowly, and as much as I hate it, her shock dwindles, her mouth closes, her eyes tighten and her hand slips from mine as she lowers her head to drop her gaze to the floor. I don't take this as rejection. I know what this is. It's the moment Ichigo comes into her thoughts.

It's hurts just as much though. I allow it. I knew it would come.

"Byakuya-nii-sama? What did he say?"

I swallow to rid it of any emotion lying around. "He wishes to speak to you."

"That's why he summoned me." I nod but she hasn't looked up. "Then I better go. Will you stay?"

I find myself swallowing again. "Hai."

"Okay." And like that she leaves me on the porch.