A/N I would like to thank you all for the kind comments that you left. I was surprised by the number of people reading and story alerting this. It warms my heart to think that people like it. I am sorry it has taken me a long time to get this chapter up but I have been on nights. So on with the story…

Hardship & Tears 2

The last three days have been long but finally we caught the guy this afternoon. I'm feeling so drained, like the life has been sucked out of me. I finally make it back into the comfort of my apartment. I have never been so glad to see it. I place my bag on the table and head into my bedroom. I take my gun out of it's holster, make sure the safety is on and place it in the box on top of my chest of drawers. I also place my mother's ring and father's watch in the box. I kiss my hand and press it to the picture of my mother and father that adorns the top of the box. I glance at the clock on my bedside table and realise that it is already nine o'clock, I wonder where the day has gone. I head into the bathroom and draw myself a nice hot bubble bath, just what I need after this case. I quickly go to the kitchen while the bath fills and pour myself a nice glass of red wine. On the way back to the bathroom I pick up my well worn copy of heat rises from the bookshelf. Even though I have already read this book cover to cover so many times something keeps drawing me back to it. Maybe it is the characters of Nikki and Rook or maybe it is the writer himself my partner Castle. I place the book and glass of wine down on the side of the bath and slowly take off my clothes. I dip my toes in the water to check the temperature before immersing myself completely in to the inviting water.

I must have been laying here for at least fifteen minutes already, the book laying is on the side of the bath long forgotten. I can't focus on reading at the moment my mind is going a mile a minute. I feel myself going over the events of the last few days, but it is not the suspect that I am thinking about. It's that damn man he has been invading my daily thoughts, ever since I got shot 5 months ago. However hard I try all my mind can seem to focus on is Castle. I heard him that day, I heard him tell me to stay with him and that he loved me. It is that last bit that makes me take a breath and causes my eyes to spring a leak. I haven't had the courage to tell him that I remember, I suppose I don't want to ruin what we have. I love him I just can't tell him until that wall comes down but he is having a good go at making a hole through it. Today I was writing on the murder board, and I felt his eyes on me. I turned to sneak a look and found him staring at my bum. I didn't call him out on it, I just pretended that I hadn't noticed. Then when we were arresting the suspect it went a bit wayward, by that I mean that the suspect managed to give me a small cut on my arm with the knife he was brandishing. I swiftly then took him down, once he was handcuffed I felt someone grab my hand and pull me away. I soon realised it was Castle he had noticed the blood running down my arm and had probably heard the gasp as the blade connected with my skin. He kept asking me over and over again if I was okay. I told him that it was only a scratch and I would get over it. I did however thank him for being so caring. He answered with always. That was our saying, it was our way of showing that we care, with out baring our souls. After returning to the prescient and having my arm bandaged I was going to ask Castle if he wanted to go to Remy's. However he got a phone call from I can only presume Alexis. He sounded upset while talking to her and turned as white as a sheet. He finished his call and just told me that Alexis needed him home immediately. I told him to go be with his daughter, even though I was unsure why he had become so upset.

I lay in the bath for thirty minutes immersed in my own thoughts before I realised the water had begun to turn cold. I swiftly get out wrap my hair in a towel and dry myself off. I choose to put on a black vest top and a pair of navy blue gym shorts, I'm not expecting company and I am planning to head to bed. When I eventually slip into bed after checking all the window in the apartment are locked, it has just gone 10.30pm. I place a headphone in one ear, the soft sounds of the Frames will hopefully help me to drift off to sleep. 20 minutes later I am still wide awake, I can't seem to turn my brain off. Thought's of Castle and that fateful day still plague my mind. The way I dismissed him in my hospital room after he had bought me those lovely flowers. I just wish I had been stronger, but I was scared, I still am scared. Scared of how a declaration of love would effect our friendship. Scared that I would run at the first sign of a problem. Scared that I would like it. Scared that if I don't do anything, he will stop waiting for me.

I wake up to a sound of knocking at my door, I glance at the clock. It's midnight who could possibly be at my door at this hour. I swing my legs out of the bed, and grab my gun from the box. As I get closer to the front door the knocking seizes, silence reins once again. I draw my gun up to a shooting position and take off the safety. I swing the door open and I am shocked by what I find on the other side.

"Castle I could of shot you."

I lower my gun and click the safety on and take in the sight before me. My partner, the same man who plagues my thoughts is standing at my door soaking wet. His Suit jacket and shirt stick to him like a second skin. His trousers haven't faired much better and his hair is plastered to his head. He has red rimmed eyes and he is unconsciously shivering on the spot. His eyes travel up and down my figure, I suddenly remember how little I am wearing. I feel my cheeks turn a shade of red and I wait for the typical Castle comment, but it's doesn't come. His eyes lock with mine and I feel the need to ask him to explain himself.

"Castle your soaked what have you been doing, are you okay?"

He just carries on looking at me before he drops his gaze and head. I now connect the dots, the red rimmed eyes, the lack of typical comments or answers. He has been crying, I don't know why or for how long but it breaks my heart a little. Unsure of what I can do to help, I reach out a hand and take him by the arm. I pull him towards me and lead him into my apartment, surprisingly he doesn't try to resist. I Take him into the living room, he is still to say a single word. I search his face for even a hint of a clue as to why he is here and why he has been crying. I go to say something but I can't seem to form any words either so I close my mouth again. He is still shivering so I come up with a idea, I let go of his arm and head back towards my bedroom. I presume and hope that he won't leave while I am gone for five minutes. As I head into my closet I am glad that my dad left a bag of his old clothes at mine, that he no longer needs so I can give them to charity. I pull out a black t-shirt that I hope will fit Castle and a pair of sweats. I grab a towel out of the linen closet on the way back to the living room. As predicted Castle hasn't moved, it's like he is rooted to the spot by a mystical power. Not that believe in all that mumbo jumbo. He looks at me with those pained eyes and I nearly break but I have to remain the strong one. So I hand him the clothes and the towel, he accepts them from me. I raise my hand and gently cup his cheek, I run brush my thumb against his cold skin, hoping to bring him some warmth.

"I think you should get out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold. I'm sorry the only clothes that will fit you are some of my dad's old clothes that he was going to give to charity. They should fit okay and at least they are dry."

I feel like I have to explain where the clothes came from. Even thought I broke up with Josh months ago, I don't want Castle to think they are one's left by him but I don't know why. He gives me a small nod in understanding, I can feel his skin warming under my palm. I lock eyes with him and speak again.

"Now go get changed in the bathroom. I'll make you a famous Beckett hot chocolate while you do that and then when you come back out we will talk about what ever you want to okay Castle?"

"Okay."

I'm a little shocked when he answers me with okay. It is the first time he has spoken since appearing on my doorstep tonight. I remove my hand from his cheek and point towards the bathroom. He seems to understand what I am asking of him and he heads to get changed. I head towards the kitchen to make the hot chocolate that I had promised. My mum taught me how to make hot coco when I was a small girl, we would make it on cold winter evening or when I was upset. The memory makes me smile and upset at the same time, how I wish she was still here. I would of liked her to see what I have done with my life, I would like her to have met Castle. I think she would of liked him, she would of told me not to be so scared about making a move. She would of made me hot chocolate and given me a hug. A single tear escapes my eye, I quickly brush it away. Tonight is about Castle and what ever he is facing right now not about me. I know that I can't push Castle for answers like I do the suspects, I have to wait for him to tell what is wrong. I take the two mugs of hot chocolate in the living room. I place Castle's on the coffee table before sitting down with my legs curled under me at one end of the couch. Five minutes later I hear the bathroom door click and I turn to see Castle walking towards me. I give him a slight smile and wait from him to sit down. He automatically picks up the mug of the table and cradles it in his hands. He settles at the other end of the couch facing towards me. His eyes once again lock with mine and I feel a shiver run down my body.

A small amount of time passes as I wait from him to start talking. I take in his appearance now that he is wearing dry clothes. The top I have given him is obviously on the small side as I can see the contours of his normally hidden away chest. I never knew that he was hiding that under his shirt and I can't help talking it in. I think about how it would feel to run my hands down it. I do however quickly scold myself ,this is not the time nor the place to be having these kind of thoughts. Gladly Castle starts to talk and my brain refocuses on his face and what he is saying rather than his chest.

" I found out who my Dad is today."

I can't help the shocked look that now adorns my face. I know that Castle has never know his father, my heart breaks a little more for him.

" He is dying, He has end stage cancer."

This breaks all I have left, I feel the need to be close to him to show that I am there for him. He starts to cry and drops his head into his hands. I get up from my position, place my now empty mug on the table and sit back down next to him. Our thighs are lightly touching and a jolt of electricity runs through my body. I take his head with both my hands and raise it so he is looking at me again.

"I'm so sorry Castle."

I feel myself tearing up and I fight to keep them back. The sad look on his face and the pain in his eyes is making it a very hard job. God I love this man why can't I just tell him.

" I have just found him and now I'm going to lose him again. It's just so unfair, he left just before I was born. It's taken him 39 years to finally get up the courage to talk to me and now he is dying."

I ask him the only thing I can think of right now.

"How did you meet him?"

"He just showed up at the loft tonight, he said he had looked me up on the internet and found out my address."

He gives a small chuckle after saying this, I'm not sure if I should be relieved or worried about this.

"If you think I am a state, you should see mother she looked like she had seen a ghost. Well I suppose he is really she has not seen him for 39 years either. He was the love of her life, her one and done."

Oh Goodness he used the phrase that I told him awhile back my heart skips a beat and his poor mother losing the one she loved. I think I would break if Castle left again. I give him a small smile, and take his hands in mine. I'm unsure of what else I can do for him right now.

" He decided that he wanted to see me before he died, he wanted to see in his words; see how his boy had turned out."

" I'm not sure if I wanted to meet him or if would have been better that at this stage of his life he had never found me. How am I suppose to get to know the man who gave me half his genes in the hour that he spent talking to Mother, Alexis and myself. Oh God how is Alexis suppose to deal with the fact that the grandfather that she has only just met, has only weeks to live?"

Now he is truly crying, the tears are streaming down his face. I wonder how Alexis and Martha are coping, I wonder if they are in the same state. I presume that they are, this is a big bombshell to have dropped on a family after 39 years of no contact. He drops his head to the side and it comes to rest on my shoulder. I place my arm around his shoulders, he turns his head and sobs into the space between my shoulder and my neck. I draw soothing circles on his shoulder with my left thumb while I tighten my right hand's grip on his. I begin to speak he needs to know that I am always there for him, he needs to know subtlety that I love him.

" Don't worry Castle, we will figure this all out together. I am going to be there for you every step of the way. I won't let you, Alexis or your mother face this alone. I have dealt with the grief of losing a parent, even if you haven't know him that long it's still going to be hard on you. I am going to support you because I'll always be there for you. You'll never get rid of me I am a one writer girl anyway."

I hope that he gets the last reference, there is nothing I wouldn't do for this man and his family. I leaned down a place a gentle kiss on the top of his head. We sit like that for a couple of minutes before I notice that he is fighting to keep his eyes open.

"Rick try and get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

I grab the blanket of the back of the couch and lay it over both of us. I rest my head lightly on his as I hear his breathing start to even out. Just when I think he is a sleep he begins to mumble something. I have to strain to hear him properly.

" I love you Kate Beckett. Thank you."

The end of his sentence trails off but I hear it loud and clear. I take a deep breath he has said those three little words again. Yes I love him too but I don't know if I can deal with this right now. I feel the hole he has made in my wall start to become bricked up and I want to run. However I know that this is a difficult time for him and I have to be the strong one in the partnership. I will deal with this second declaration and how I feel later but for now I will be there for him. I kind of want to find his dad and shout at him or hurt him for hurting Castle like this. Although I know that it won't do any good, it just makes me angry that he thinks he can just turn up like this. I sit there for a while just listening to Rick's breathing. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I try to get it out without waking Rick. Pulling up my messages I see that I have a new one from Alexis that reads…..

"Please look after my dad Kate, he needs someone to be there for him right now and I no that he trusts and loves you. Love Alexis x."

The text makes me smile and I text her back.

"Hi I promise to look after your dad to the best of my ability, I trust him too. I hope that you and Martha are okay. Please ring me if you need anything and I mean anything Kate x.

I quickly get a text back that just says I promise. I place a small kiss on Rick's head. He has a amazing daughter, one that I would be proud to call my own. I feel myself nodding off I glance at the clock and see that it reads one o'clock. I don't resist as sleep takes me into it's hold as well.

A/N: Thank you for reading this story. My uncle has had some good news, even though the cancer has spread to his lymph nodes it is less aggressive. They are happy that the treatment he starts this week for 6 weeks will be beat the cancer. He will just have to have regular scans. As for the story I am unsure whether to write the next chapter as the morning after or if to write a chapter in the dad's point of view. What do you think? xx