A/N: Oh dearest mistakes, they certainly love to evade me. And I'm pretty sure this chapter is littered with them, but bare with me cause its 4 am and I just can't go over it again. Apologies for the delay, whatever.

Chaps Warnin': wincest, mpreg, language. Nothing special.

It had been a month since the miscarriage, the kiss and the beginning of the morning sickness and both boys were surprised to find that no major mishaps had happened since. Sam spent most days in front of the toilet or curled up in bed, Dean always at his side, grieving the loss of their child. They were quiet days, filled with nothing but soft words of comfort and gentle touches of reassurance, but Sam silently, constantly craved more. The pain and the invariable aching loss, it was too much to keep wallowing in and he wanted to forget. To get lost in Dean: in exploring the newly discovered depths of them, reveling in more of that rushing, heatedfeeling he got from their simple kisses. Because honestly, he was pretty sure at that point, it was the only thing that would keep him grounded and sane through the blurring, dizzyingly painful days.

Like Sam, Dean was also still dealing with the reality of losing their child, and figured he would be for a long time to come, but with the added morning sickness for his brother and overall stress of the past couple weeks there had been little time to share more than a few soft kisses and gentle touches with Sam. He wanted to delve in and treasure everything new and lose himself like he knew he could in just Sam. But it seemed one thing after another kept taking the time away from them.

"Hang in there Sammy," Dean comforted as he raked his fingers through Sam's bangs, pulling them back from his sweat-glistening face, "Meyer said this should stop soon."

Sam's dry heaving over the bowl was his only response, knuckles white as they curved over the porcelain lid, grasping at anything he could reach to keep from toppling over or falling into the toilet. He spit into the bowl and drug in a couple exhausted breaths flailing his hand up to flush before Dean caught him and did it himself.

"You sure you done?" Dean asked quietly, noticing Sam trying to get up. He shook his head weakly but grabbed onto Dean's chest and tried to stand anyway. Dean put his forearms under Sam's shoulders and pulled him up, letting him rest against him and the sink counter as he brushed his teeth before leading them both back to bed. "Have a little water." He whispered once he got his brother settled under the blankets again, handing over the glass on the nightstand. Sam complied with a soft grimace and took a sip, swallowing thickly.

Sam flopped back into the pillows and sighed, shifting his eyes from the ceiling to Dean noticing he wasn't moving from his spot by the bed, obviously wondering what he should do now. He just wanted to help his brother.

"It's not that bad Dean. A part of the package, I can deal with it." Sam said with a shrug and tired, attempted grin, latching onto Dean's t-shirt a moment later and pulling him forward. "Now stop mother-henning and get over here." He whispered raising his brow to ensure his order would be obeyed.

"I do not mother hen Sam." Dean corrected as he climbed over him to lay down, "I'm simply takin' care of my damsel in distress." He said with his trademark smirk, poking Sam lightly in the ribs.

Sam rolled his eyes, making it clear his joke had fallen flat.

"What? Someone's gotta hold back your hair." He kept teasing as he planted a kiss to Sam's temple running a hand across his chest before punching him lightly in the shoulder.

"Jerk." Sam mumbled hiding his smile.

"Been called worse." Dean shrugged, "Bitch." He muttered on instinct though a few minutes passed and his smile gradually faded before he rested his head on his propped up shoulder, rolling forward a moment later to lay his forehead against Sam's temple. Dean breathed against his cheek for a moment before Sam turned and faced him, pushing his lips tentatively to Dean's.

His heart jack hammered as his eyes fluttered closed and he pushed forward, relishing the missed heat of Sam's lips. Dean reached a hand up to the back of Sam's head, keeping him in place as he angled his head, gaining better access to the kiss. His tongue licked along Sam's bottom lip, setting ablaze the skin in its trail and Sam immediately opened up to his brother, sucking in a quick breath as he felt the slick muscle rub up against his own and over the smooth line of his teeth. Tendrils of fire shot from every place Dean touched straight to his cock, blood pulsing fast and harsh to harden him in his sweats.

Dean groaned into Sam's mouth, the sound echoing and then disappearing as lips closed around his, sucking and nipping at his swollen flesh. Sam caught Dean's shoulder and pulled him over his body, knees bumping thighs as they maneuvered around each other, the kiss turning frantic and heated for the first time ever as their bodies lined up. Sam could feel every line of Dean's muscles flexing and rolling against his own, every inch of their bodies pressed together and Dean's abs trembling as Sam's hand brushed over the sensitive skin above the waist line of his shorts.

"God Sam," Dean panted as the fingers kept caressing their teasingly slow strokes, adding just enough pressure to get his lower abs shifting and twitching to their own accord, blunt nails tracing harsh lines after soft pads of fingertips' tender brushes.

Suddenly Sam's hand stopped and pulled away just as it was about to reach past his waist band. Dean's heavy lidded eyes shot open and he pushed up higher to look at Sam, "What's wrong?" He whispered, worried he'd done something to hurt him.

"Dean…" Sam said, voice cautious and breathless as he looked assiduously at Dean's eyes and his hands came to rest on his ribs, "Ah, I just," He paused to take in a breath, "I guess it kinda just hit me, we haven't really talked about this yet. At all, a lots been going on I know but…I don't know, I think we should figure stuff out…like what exactly it is we're doing." Sam tried to laugh but it came out kind of choked and quiet in response to all the nerves, "It just, feels too major to jump into without talking about first, doesn't it?" Sam asked, continuing a moment later before Dean could answer, "I just wanna make sure this isn't gonna screw up something we can't fix later, if it doesn't work out or…fuck I don't know-"

"No Sam it's okay, I get what you're saying." Dean interrupted quietly as he rolled to the side of Sam, "I think it's a good idea." He nodded, wondering if it was really true. Of course they should talk about this - understand where the other was coming from and if it was for the right reasons, what they were gonna do about it for the future and what it meant, all that good, reasonable stuff…but exploring the emotional depths of anything had really never been one of Dean's strong suits.

"So you have any questions or ground rules or something you wanna talk about first?" He asked tentatively, his low voice scratchy but quiet in the room.

Sam took a minute to think, his solicitous eyes dancing around the bedspread as he searched for what to say, "When did…" He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "When did this start for you?"

"Uh, well, I guess about a month before I kissed you." Dean answered softly, unable to look at Sam and gage any reaction, but he could see him nod slightly in the corner of his eye.

"Hm." Was Sam's thoughtful response.

Dean breathed a tired laugh, "What about you? Have any…weird feelings before…well, you know." He asked unintelligibly, finding it hard to voice the words 'kiss you' more than once in the same minute.

"No actually." Sam said curiously, missing the way Dean's face fell at the answer, "But man as soon as you did…" Sam shook his head still looking at the bedspread, his eyes remembering back to the moment, "It was like everything around us went up in flames. I couldn't even find the room in my head to remember we were brothers, I just didn't wanna stop. Like I'd never felt so…full or, whole before in my life." Sam finished quietly, mind and eyes focused on the passed for a few hushed seconds before he snapped back into the present and realized everything he'd just said, to Dean. He laughed nervously and rubbed at his forehead, "How fuckin' pathetic does that sound." He asked rhetorically trying to backtrack.

Dean chuckled quietly with him, the sound hardly humorous though, "It doesn't actually." He mumbled as his mouth tilted down, considering Sam's words, "It's the best way I can think to describe it, however cliché it sounds. It's true." Dean looked gravely into Sam's slit hazel eyes, "Doesn't make you any less of a girl for saying it though." A grin slowly blossomed across his face.

Sam hit him in the shoulder knocking him backwards a couple inches before he laughed and regained his balance. Sam shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips as they slowly sobered up, returning to the conversation.

"Sam, I know there's still a lot to figure out, this is a huge change for both of us, even without all the other shit that's happened lately. I know it's all a lot to deal with. And I don't know why it's happening now or where it came from, but I think that's okay. 'Cause whatever it is it's good, it feels right - the rest we can deal with as it comes. We'll take this, whatever, slow…as slow as we want, and just go from there." Dean offered softly, but saw Sam still deliberating as he played absently with loose strings on the comforter, his brain still working a mile a minute to figure out every detail like it often did with unresolved situations. So Dean took a moment to gather his pride and bury it before continuing, though he didn't get very far.

"Look Sammy, all I really know is being with you, like this," He whispered laying a hand against Sam's cheek as his thumb glided across his bottom lip, "It helps. It keeps me…tethered here, grounded while I deal with-" Dean sucked in a breath, cutting off the words as he shook his lowered head unwilling to finish. Instead he brought Sam's hand up from the blanket and pushed it to his lips, letting his eyes flit up to his brother's, trying to relay his meaning without voicing the words he couldn't find. Sam's brow turned up as his mouth pinched and he nodded in sorrowful understanding.

"I know." He whispered, "I honestly have…no idea how I'd stay sane through this if it wasn't you who was stuck in it with me."

Sam inched forward gradually, moving the hand against Dean's lips to slide down his stubble-rough cheek before wrapping behind Dean's neck and folding him up in his arms.

"Love you Sam." Dean breathed against his ear after relaxing into the hug, tangling his hand in the back of Sam's hair. His brother sucked in a quiet gasp at the barely-heard, unexpected words, but after letting them soak in, tightened his embrace around Dean, crushing him to his chest. He maneuvered a hand between them a squeezed a fist into Dean's shirt, directly above his heart.

I love you too.

"How you feelin' boys?" Bobby asked as Sam and Dean clambered down the stairs and into the kitchen for dinner, just the way the four of them had done for the past two months. He could hardly believe a routine had actually been set in his home.

"Good." Both boys answered brightly and simultaneously, laughing lightly at their synchronized answer. And for once it didn't seem like a million miles from the truth.

Meyer looked surprised but cautiously optimistic as he dished himself up; Bobby nodded at the boys with a gruff chuckle and followed his friend's lead.

"Sam what do you feel like tonight?" Dean asked after loading up his plate with sloppy joe's. The question had also become somewhat of a routine at Bobby's as Sam's cravings had started really making their first strange appearances a little over a week ago and he rarely ate the same food as the rest of them anymore. Thankfully Meyer had stocked up on the healthiest organic foods he could find over the past few weeks, knowing it wouldn't be the first things on the boys' minds, so Sam had plenty to chose from.

"Actually, I think I'll handle it tonight. You've been cooking for me way too much lately, I gotta learn one of these days." He shrugged, "Go eat, I got it." Sam told his brother as he rummaged through the drawers of the fridge. Dean took a moment to smirk at his brother, watching him fumble around with ingredients as they almost toppled out of his arms, but then decided Sam was right and left to join Bobby and Meyer at the table.

"Just, don't burn the place down." He called over his shoulder as he sat down, "Lemme know if you need help before setting your pickles on fire or somethin-"

"Dean!" Sam interrupted as Dean started chuckling, "I got it alright?"

"Mhm." Dean mumbled smugly as Sam set the bag of bread in his hands on the counter and it tipped over, plunking to the floor. Bobby and Meyer couldn't contain their little snorts of laughter listening to Sam scrabble around the kitchen, but they made sure to keep quiet knowing Sam's hormone levels were through the roof now and anything could set him off.

Dean was just finishing inhaling his last sloppy joe when he heard Sam curse and suck in a hissing breath as something clattered to the floor in the kitchen.

"Sam?" Dean called as he jumped up from his chair and through the doorway toward the noise, the first thing he saw was blood dripping to the floor and counter. "Jesus Sammy what the hell happened?" He asked rushing to Sam's side seeing him pushing a bloody towel to his hand. Meyer joined him in the next second.

"Sam, you okay?" The doctor asked stepping up beside Dean.

"The knife slipped, I'm fine. Sorry."Sam mumbled, wincing as he pushed the rag against his finger adding more pressure to try and stop the bleeding. Bobby appeared in the doorway a moment later, knowing Sam would want space but making sure the situation was under control.

"Sorry." Dean repeated in a whisper scoffing at the ridiculous apology, "Lemme see." He held his hand out and gently wrapped around Sam's wrist pulling it closer before slowly removing the towel. "Damnet Sam." Dean said, trying not to sound too condescending or reprimanding as he took in the gash, "You almost took your finger off."

"It's nothing, I can handle it. Just go grab me the med kit, it'll only take a couple stitches." Sam said pulling his hand back and rewrapping it. "Please Dean," He continued when his brother gave him only skepticism and didn't move, "I'm hungry."

Dean shook his head but started toward the stairs anyway, "You know we don't have anesthetics." He warned as he hastily ascended the stairs.

"And how many times has that stopped us before?" Sam returned, spinning around to see Meyer and Bobby watching him intently with concern coloring their every feature, "Guys, seriously? This is practically a paper cut. Stop hovering and finish your dinner." Sam suggested giving them both pointed looks as he tried to mask his pain with condescension.

Dean returned with the med kit then, just as Meyer and Bobby began retreating to clean up the dishes in the dining room.

"Come on let's go to the bathroom." Dean said nodding towards the hallway. Sam agreed and followed his brother, his stomach grumbling loudly in the confined space as soon as the door closed.

Dean shook his head smirking at the sound as he took Sam's shoulders in his hands and sat him down on the toilet lid. "Dude, I told you to call me if you needed help." Dean said as he threaded a curved needle from the kit.

"I was cutting a freakin' apple. You really think I was about to call for help?" Sam asked raising his brow in astonishment, "It was an accident. Coulda happened to anyone." He defended looking away from Dean.

Dean took Sam's hand tenderly in his own and unwrapped the towel from his left index finger, setting the used rag in the sink, "Yeah man I know." He said quietly, noticing for the first time the damage that seemed to have been done on Sam's pride and trying not to add to it.

Dean ran alcohol over his fingers and the needle before asking if Sam was ready, receiving a dramatic sigh and eye roll, and proceeding with the stitching. Sam's gaze was steadily focused on the needle, watching every move with what Dean could only peg as impatience in his eyes, masking obvious pain behind very subtle shivers and almost unnoticeable twitches.

"Okay gramps, we finished?" Sam asked lifting his eyes from Dean's hands to his eyes, "I woulda been done ten hours ago if you'd have just let me do it." He said as a spark of amusement glinted in his eyes, still hiding all signs of his pain.

"Ha ha," Dean mocked as he got out some gauze and medical tape, "I'm surprised Sammy," He began a minute later, "not one word of complaint. Any normal day you woulda been bitching about what a butcher I am, grunting and moaning and huffing, hell just getting' pissy about something." He said, cunningly fishing for a reason behind the show.

"It's a tiny cut, what'd you expect some tears-"

"Sam you literally almost cut your finger off. Good thing I have experience patching that kinda thing up or I would've had to take you to the hospital." Dean said, his exasperation coloring his words. Sam didn't respond to them though, so he kept prodding, "Come on man what's with the whole tough guy routine? And the sudden desire to learn how to cook, you've always been a tornado in the kitchen, why now-"

"First of all there's no tough guy routine going on Dean, I'm fine, I'm not gonna throw a fit about a couple stitches like some baby. And second why the fuck do you care if I wanna know how to cook? It's something I should learn to do isn't it? I thought you'd be glad, one thing less for you to do for me." Sam said gesturing toward Dean sporadically.

"I am Sam, its fine if you want to know how to cook, it's not the point. It's just you've never shown any interest in learning before, and you've always griped and moaned about getting stitches, whether you were in pain or not. You always used to say it was just the idea that made you twitchy so don't tell me you're not playing tough-"

"I'm not some little girl you have to hold hands with every second." Sam exploded spinning on his brother, "You don't have to take care of me! I'm not some kid, Dean. I'm a man and I can handle myself." Sam spit pushing past Dean and out the door in the same second.

Dean stood there for just one second as the real meaning behind his brother's words clicked and then was chasing after him the next.

"Sam, wait up dude." Dean called down the hallway just as the door to their bedroom slammed closed. He trudged down the hall to stand before their door, "Open up Sammy." He said resting a fist against the frame, "C'mon man please let me in. Look I never said any of that stuff to imply that you were less of a man or something, I just didn't understand where it all was coming from. I get it now-"

The door swung open cutting off Dean's sentence, "You get what exactly Dean?" Sam asked through tight lips his voice obviously restrained.

Dean hesitantly stepped through the door before Sam slammed it back shut behind him, Dean flinching slightly at the sound and its implications. He had to watch every word, "I think I understand how you're feeling-"

"How I'm feeling?" Sam interrupted incredulously before laughing, "Dean you have no idea how I'm feeling." He shook his head, lips pulling back from his teeth as he sucked in an unsteady breath, "You don't know how the stupidest, smallest, most ridiculous things can bring me to fucking tears now if I let them, or how at times I get so blinded with rage I just want to pound on someone till they're fuckin' out, for no reason at all." Sam said, voice raising in self-deprecation before he took a few seconds to breath.

"And you don't know how fucking bad this month has hurt man." He said, desperation tugging at his words, "Or how many times I've run to the shower just to cry so hard I collapse." Sam paused, tears of shame and pain shining in his eyes, "And you sure as hell don't know how pathetic all of it makes me feel," Sam shook his head again, glistening eyes dancing around the floor as he searched for words, "I guess I just needed to know, to prove – to myself as much as you and Bobby and Meyer – that I'm still a man. I can still do things for myself. 'Cause lately it's felt like I'm losing it man, all the shreds of my strength and dignity. I just wanted to hold onto the little normalcy I had left and know that I'm still capable, and still a guy." Sam laughed wiping at his wet eyes, "Guess I don't need to worry about proving that anymore, huh."

Dean sighed, his brow furrowed in disapproval but understanding, "You don't have anything to prove Sam." He said taking a step into his brother, "Hell I've never seen you so brave or strong in my life, no matter how it feels. The brawniest, manliest man in the world wouldn't take this is as well as you have, Sammy. Seriously." Dean enforced as his hands clutched Sam's shoulders and a small smile crept across his features. "But it doesn't mean you have to be strong all the time." He whispered after his grin faded, taking another step closer until he was standing toe to toe with his brother, his breath ghosting over Sam's cheek.

"I don't feel brave Dean." Sam whispered back, "I feel like I'm turning into a girl." He said as his head fell forward onto Dean's shoulder and a denigrated laugh escaped him, "Especially since I started getting so fuckin' huge." Sam said as he pushed off of Dean and turned around, folding his arms defiantly over his chest.

"What?" Dean asked in disbelief, "You're kidding right? Sam you haven't changed at all." He deadpanned.

"I've gained four pounds Dean. Four." Sam corrected.

"Over two months. That's good Sam, it's healthy," Dean said walking around to face his dejected brother, "You realize you're gonna get bigger as this goes on."

Sam didn't say anything, refusing to credit the statement with an answer. Dean sighed and let it go, raising his hand to land roughly over Sam's jaw patting once in a classic display of Dean-affection before letting it fall and stepping back. "You still hungry? We could get out of the house for a few hours. I'll buy you dinner." He offered, his brow lifting in rapid succession as he grinned cocking his head to the side.

Sam couldn't help but smile at that, "Buy me dinner." He repeated, huffing a quiet laugh as he shook his head once, "Sounds an awful lot like you're asking me out Dean, watch yourself." Sam joked, smacking Dean's arm before turning to grab his coat.

"Well," Dean started quietly, distractedly gathering his jacket off his bed too, "Would it be so crazy if I was?" He asked, trying to be cool as he turned back around toward Sam, working to keep the smile on his face.

Sam stared at him with what remained of his own grin, trying to discern what exactly his brother was playing at, but faltering slightly as he realized Dean wasn't kidding. "Wait, seriously?"

Dean nodded once.

"Dean, you don't do dates." Sam pointed out nervously, "Never have. With anyone, ever." He stumbled ungracefully, trying to understand what was happening.

"Well, cheesy as it's gonna sound, you're not anyone Sam." Dean shrugged chuckling softly, "And I figure if there's anyone I actually wanna try out - and not fuck up - this whole, relationship thing with, it's you." Dean said, marveling at his way with words, "Though, that's not to say I won't fuck it up. 'Cause you know, I've never-"

Dean didn't get a chance to finish whatever he was going to say because, out of nowhere Sam's lips crashed into his own, hard and rough, teeth clicking together as they collided and tongues tangling as they battled for control. Sam's hands were wrapped in Dean's hair a split second later, forcefully tugging him closer and tilting his head to dominate the kiss; Dean complied, giving over completely. Sam slapped his arms around Dean's shoulders restlessly, gripping fistfuls of his shirt into his hands, unable to get enough of him.

It gave Dean all the answer he needed.

Review lovely wonderful little readers.

(Semi-spoiler for the latest supernatural episode) On a more important note, I want someone to talk to about the last fucking episode cliffhanger! I went insane, everyone I know who watches isn't caught up with the seasons so I can't give it away and talk to them, but I need to vent my frustrations with this time wait to someone, everyone, because wow. It's killing me. Who else went crazy? Gah how are they gonna get outta this? I just do not know..