Yeah, obviously I caved. Sink or Swim will be done when it's done.
Xx
Dean spent most of the next month mildly confused. Sam changed. Everyday he pulled away a little more, distancing himself from Dean as subtly as he could, but still, obviously doing it.
On the outside though, to a third eye, Sam was the epitome of normal, well as close to normal as he could be considering, but still, friendly to Dean and kind. He was still Sam. But behind closed doors, everything was wrong, tense and strange and Dean was really confused.
He'd tried to kiss him, to hug him, even resorted to attempt snuggling in bed because he knew Sam was a sucker for it, but every time, Sam thought of something to pull him away. The bathroom, food, a walk, fresh air, Bobby…there was always something to make Dean back off. Anytime Dean inquired his brother about the weird-ass, completely evasive behavior, he'd laugh, brushing it off like it was all just some misunderstanding, something 'in Dean's head' and smile reassuringly before walking away. Everything was normal.
But it really wasn't. Dean was missing Sam like he'd moved out or run away, but it was worse than if he actually had. That he was so physically close and so completely out of reach was a nightmare, all the restrictions to their relationship were back. Back to simple, mild-mannered brothers again. Dean didn't ever think he'd feel so unsatisfied with the thought, but he really missed Sam.
"Dean," Bobby called a second time from the kitchen doorway, trying to get his attention. Dean snapped from his thoughts and jerked his head toward the sound, "Meyer an' I are goin' for groceries," Dean nodded distractedly and turned away again, "You alright kid, you were pretty lost in your head just now." Dean nodded once more, but didn't turn to face Bobby. "You sure, you're not bein' very convincin'-" Bobby persisted before Dean interrupted him.
"Bobby please, I'm okay. Just not a good day, no big deal." Dean said, turning this time to give his friend the most reassuring grin he could manage. His friend still looked concerned but dropped it with a quick nod of his head as he backed away from the kitchen and left.
Dean spent an hour in the kitchen, in silence and alone, running through every possible thing he may have done wrong that could've caused Sam to change his mind about them. He came up blank every time.
Just as Dean had about had enough of his depressing, circling thoughts and decided to get up, a groggy-looking Sam clumsily made his way down the stairs, startling him from his head anyway. Dean'd had half a mind to try and avoid him today, unsure if he could deal with anymore of this new Sam, but now he was trapped and forced himself to stand from his chair, took a deep breath and moved to greet his brother.
"Have a nice nap?" He asked as casually as he could, making sure he kept a good distance from Sam as they made their way back into the kitchen.
"Yeah, I feel a lot better. Finally rested, my stomachs been slowly settling all day, think I'm all right to eat now." Sam announced as he pulled up the sleeves of his majorly oversized sweatshirt and yanked open the fridge. Dean sat in stony silence as Sam talked on about his day, his latest book, how Bobby was doing on his latest car, if he'd found a hunt, whatever else came to mind, apparently just trying to keep the quiet away as he prepared his sandwich, not allowing an inch for Dean to bring up their own current issues. But Dean had given up trying to understand what was happening anyway, trying to talk about anything deeper than the weather hadn't gotten him anywhere so far, so he grunted and 'hm'-ed when it was appropriate but stayed silent otherwise.
It just seemed so pointless now. He'd come to the conclusion that Sam had changed his mind and was slowly, gently trying to put his decision into action, avoiding any awkward conversation that could jeopardize their brotherly relationship. Even though in a way, this 'subtle' transition was worse. Dean just wanted to know, straight up, what was going on in Sam's head, even if he knew it was a lost cause trying to figure it out.
So the rest of the day passed uneventfully; the warm, bright sun mocking Dean's foul mood the whole time. Sam read his book, surfed the Internet, watched TV and went to bed, trying to keep Dean by his side throughout the day but still avoiding any physical contact. It made Dean crazy.
When night rolled around. Sam made a point to stay in his bed, alone, as he had every other night the past month, and Dean had long since stopped trying to kiss him goodnight or lay with him a few hours, so they both fell asleep alone and in silence. Apparently how Sam wanted things now.
Another few days passed and Dean had finally had enough.
"Sam what the hell is this?" He exploded, whipping around towards his brother who was, once again, reading in the living room alone. Dean was thankful Bobby and Meyer were out again, leaving them a few hours to themselves in the house.
Sam startled, sitting up in the reclining chair and put the book down on the coffee table, his expression genuinely confused, "What…my book?" He asked quietly, voice pitched so high Dean almost lost all his fight. Almost.
"No not your…you, Sam! What are you doing, with us? Why won't you let me touch you, what the hell happened in the past month that made me suddenly so fucking repulsive. You pull away or find some excuse to run any time I try to get close to you. I mean what is that, man? If you wanted to stop this whole thing, talking to me about it would've been nice." Dean said, his voice gradually lowering to level itself out as he finished. Sam had the decency to at least look a little guilty, but also surprised, like he didn't think Dean would've brought it up. That just fueled his brother's anger all over again.
"Dean, I-" Sam started, shaking his head as he obviously didn't know what to say, "I'm sorry-" He started again and began to stand.
"No Sam, stay there." Dean interrupted pulling his hand up in motion to stop him, "And don't apologize either. Just, please, explain to me what's been going on." He pleaded, voice betraying the honest desperation he felt to know that answer, "Tell me what you want. Why this all started."
Sam was quiet, looking at the floor through his entwined hands resting on his knees. Dean threw his hands up in exasperation and turned to walk away before thinking better of it and facing Sam again, "Is it Bobby? Do you not want to do this with him around? Cause I can find a job, save up money, and get us a place to ourselves. I'll do it if that's what…" Dean trailed off, watching Sam's face betray more guilt, as that apparently wasn't the reason, "Or is it me?" He asked quietly, knowing in the pit of his heart that had to be the answer. What else could it be?
Sam opened his mouth to say something, his expression anguished, but he snapped it shut, shaking his head again and looking back to the ground. He rubbed his forehead tiredly and closed his eyes in frustration.
"Okay, Sam," Dean agreed lowly, hot tears springing to his eyes, "All you had to do was say the word and I would've stopped trying a long time ago." He nodded, a slow tear dragging itself down his cheek as he turned and walked away, escaping to the bathroom for some quiet relief. He needed to collect himself before he broke down in front of Sam and made him feel even worse.
The door clicked quietly behind him and immediately his face crumpled as he plopped down to the floor, tugging his hands angrily through his short spikes.
A big part of him wanted to be angry at Sam, he should've said something sooner – Dean felt like an idiot chasing Sam for a month when all he'd apparently wanted to do was stop – but another part knew if the roles were reversed he might've done the same thing. Because how do you break up with your brother, really?
So Dean wasn't mad, but even all the reasoning in the world couldn't stop the ache, the undeniable sign that his battered heart was breaking. He felt disgusting for still wanting his brother when obviously he thought it was wrong, he felt enraged that he might've been forcing Sam into something he didn't want to do all along, but above all he felt rejected, alone, and lost.
And that was no way to go through this pregnancy when his brother needed him; he had to pull himself together. He'd practiced the mask for years, it shouldn't be too hard to wipe away the tears and slip it back into place. He could be Sam's brother again, only his brother.
Dean took a deep breath, steadying himself, preparing to go face Sam as if nothing had gone wrong. He didn't bother checking himself in the mirror, he knew he'd lose all fight again if he saw proof of the pathetic tears there, but he did smooth out his clothes, take another breath and twist the knob to let himself out of the confining bathroom.
He listened in the hall for a minute to see if he could hear signs of Sam anywhere in the house, but all was quiet, so he decided his best bet was to check upstairs in their room. Dean trudged up the steps slowly, concentrating on his even breaths, his calm façade, he needed to keep it in place if he was to pull this off.
He made his way silently down the corridor, and gradually pushed open the door to peer in, in case it happened that Sam had fallen asleep, he didn't want to disturb him.
But what he saw when the door finally opened was not Sam asleep, and nothing at all close to what he expected.
Sam was standing in front of the waist high mirror above the dresser, his oversized shirt pulled up under his arms and his hands were running over his protruding belly, tears silently running down his cheeks.
"Sam." Dean gasped out quietly from the doorway, making his presence finally known.
"Dean!" Sam cried in violent surprise, yanking his shirt back down and quickly scrubbing across his face, "What the hell! Knock, man." He ordered sternly, apparently embarrassed and very obviously trying to hide his shock behind anger.
"Sam." Dean said again, talking a shaky step toward his brother, shaking his head in astonishment, "Why didn't you show me this before?" He asked, wanting to smile at the blatant proof that his children were growing but too concerned and angry at the moment to do it.
"Show you what?" Sam snarled quietly, his eyes dropping to the ground.
"What do you mean 'what'?" Dean asked, his anger too showing through his voice, "This," He said stepping close enough to put his hands on Sam's stomach, "You."
Sam made a quick move to step out of his brother's reach, Dean recoiling from the action with stricken agony in his eyes, suddenly reminded of where he stood once again. Touching Sam was off limits. He'd forgotten.
Dean felt his hard mask glide back into place, emotions steeling, and he lifted his guarded eyes to Sam's worried gaze. It puzzled Dean for a moment as to why Sam would feel worried now, it wasn't like he'd hurt him, but decided not to acknowledge it as he pressed on.
"Sam I understand if you want to stop doing…what we've been doing. Or haven't been doing, really, but, whatever. If you don't want it, you know I won't question you for a second. I would never push you into doing something you didn't want, I'm still your brother and I'd still protect you with my life." Dean ensured keeping as little emotion in his voice as possible, "But those are still my kids, and I deserve to see stuff like this. To know how they're doing." He reprimanded, his voice as hard as his eyes that he kept glued to the ground.
It was silent for too long, and Dean almost stole a glance at Sam but then his brother spoke and stopped him, "You're-" He paused sucking in a sharp breath, "You're not disgusted?" Dean did snap his head up then, meeting Sam's baffled eyes with his own.
"What?" Dean asked incredulously, "Disgusted? Sam, what are you talking about?"
"Me! I'm fat now, the babies are showing." Sam pointed out like the answer should've been completely obvious, "Everything's not coming crashing down on you? You're not finally realizing that you're having kids with your brother? You're not turning tail and running."
"No Sam, what in the hell – where is all this coming from? Why would I do that?"
"Why wouldn't you?" Sam asked loudly, "Look at me!" He gestured to his stomach.
"I am-" Dean started raising his voice to match his brother's but stopping when something dawned on him. "Wait, is this what the whole month has been about. You're getting bigger, still thinking I'd leave as soon as I saw this so you pulled away?"
"Yes Dean." Sam said desperately, "I was so sure…" He shook his head, "I know you told me you wouldn't leave, but I kept thinking if I were in your position and kept having all these different signs of proof real thrown in my face every day, that if anything, this would be the proverbial straw. This would be the last thing my head could handle before everything came crashing down, reality finally set in and I ran." Sam's voice cracked as he explained, tears slowly forming in his glassy eyes, "And I just couldn't help but expect the same from you. I thought if I pulled away from that…side of our relationship, that you'd get used to me as just a brother again and then when you saw me, like this, you wouldn't freak out as bad, or wouldn't see me as disgusting, I don't know. Obviously I wasn't thinking straight because you're not doing any of that, but I just…didn't wanna lose you. I couldn't lose you, man, you-"
"Sammy hey, come on. Sit down." Dean interrupted brushing away the various tears that had slipped down his brother's face as they took a seat on one of the beds. "It's okay little brother, everything's alright." He soothed, a hint of a smile playing on his lips as he tucked Sam down under his chin.
Sam still wanted him, and damn his heart would not stop racing at the thought, "I'm not going anywhere." He pressed a kiss into Sam's locks as he ran a hand down his brother's shoulder, along his side to rest on his stomach.
"You know you would've had to show me this at our next check up. It's in a week, what were you plannin' on doin' then? You couldn't hide this from me forever." Dean whispered, tilting Sam's head back to look in his eyes.
"I just didn't want to lose you." Sam repeated, "I panicked. Didn't know what to do." Sam admitted in a quiet, broken voice, his eyes conveying the sincerity in his words, "I've been going insane ever since they started really showing, this whole time I just wanted to be with you but I was so scared Dean. I was so fucking scared," He admitted ducking his head again. Dean closed his eyes for a moment and rested his forehead against Sam's before nodding gently.
"I understand." He breathed, "But God I've missed you." He whispered a moment later, bringing his hand up to cup Sam's cheek, running his thumb against the soft, still damp skin.
Sam surged forward suddenly and collided against Dean's lips, nipping and biting at the soft flesh aggressively, answering and relaying back his brother's admission to him with the force of his passion. His hands ripped at Dean's shirt, tugging him closer as he struggled to get it off.
"Missed you baby." He breathed into Dean's mouth after tossing the shirt to the floor, "You…have no idea." Sam's gravel voice rumbled as he lunged forward again, toppling them backwards to lay flat on Dean.
"Uhh," He groaned immediately slipping between Dean's spreading legs and grinding himself down into his groin, feeling the hard line of his brother's arousal press into his own. "Fuck Dean, god damn I can't believe…" He trailed off quietly, panting as the intense pleasure continued to grow, smoldering fire creeping through his veins, twisting the pit of his stomach into knots.
"Shh, don't worry Sammy," Dean breathed back, thrusting up into Sam's cock, his hands fumbling with the button of his jeans, "M'not going anywhere. Could never leave you." He whispered, flipping them over in a swift but gentle move, straddling Sam's lap as he finally undid the jeans, "So don't ever pull that shit again." He growled, tugging roughly at Sam's jeans to emphasize the seriousness of his words. Sam looked dazedly up at Dean with wide, lust blown eyes, nodding at the words.
Dean's hands ran up over Sam's hips and caught on his shirt, pushing it up to expose his belly again, "And don't ever hide anything like this from me again either." He ordered, his words serious but his voice softer as he leaned down and pressed a hot, open mouthed kiss to the stretched skin, "Told you I'd be here for every step, every single second of this." He breathed against the wet skin, feeling Sam shiver under him, trying to rock up into Dean again, "Please let me." Dean finished looking up to Sam, sadness in his eyes as he kissed him again.
Sam stilled and sighed under him, bringing a hand up to brush through Dean's hair, "M'sorry Dean. M'so sorry, it won't happen again I swear." He vowed, pulling Dean up to slant their mouths together once more, conveying every ounce of that truth through his touch, through the intensity buzzing between them in the kiss. "I love you." He promised, running his hands down Dean's face and chest dropping down to the hem of his own shirt, tugging it up to pull it off and toss it over the bed.
"You too Sammy," Dean returned as he went back down to Sam's belly, running his hands over the soft skin, reveling in the idea that his children were in there, "So fucking beautiful, God." Dean groaned kissing his stomach again, making Sam shut his eyes tightly against the swell of emotion tightening his chest. He sighed and relaxed, getting his bearings again as Dean began pulling his jeans and boxers the rest of the way down, off his feet and to the floor. His own followed soon after.
They lay against each other, writhing into the other's bare body, their sweat-slick skin sliding frictionless against the other's. Dean's lips and tongue explored every inch of Sam, leaving a trail of bruises and bite marks in his wake.
His tongue skipped Sam's groin though, leaving his unsatisfied cock unattended, and going straight down to his thigh, tonguing the inside and back of his knee, drinking down the taste of his salty skin, making Sam shudder and moan breathlessly beneath him.
He gradually made his way back up Sam's wide spread legs - Sam's begging and urging doing a lot to speed him on - and tongued the inner crease of his thigh and hip, sucking on the sensitive, paper-thin skin.
"Ah fuck Dean, please baby…please, stop teasing me. Stop teasing, M'gonna fuckin' pass out." Sam huffed, his arms above his head gripping the head board with white knuckles, his arms flexing and relaxing as his body shook and jerked involuntarily under Dean's exploring mouth.
"Okay Sammy, just hang on baby. I'm gonna try somethin' alright?" Sam was so lost in his own desperation and desire he gave nothing more than a half nod of consent and begged, "Shit, whatever you want Dean, just give me something."
So Dean hooked an arm under Sam's knee and pushed his leg up and over to his side, careful not to put too much pressure on his stomach, then propped his other leg up in the same position, opening him up to him. Sam looked a little uneasy, being so prone and vulnerable and exposed in the position, but then Dean kissed his knee and whispered, "You're beautiful baby," every ounce of that truth weighing in his words and Sam relaxed with a shaky sigh. Dean rubbed Sam's thigh soothingly as he pulled his brother's hips up and knelt down, licking the junction of his thigh and hip again, making Sam groan and gasp beneath him.
Slowly he moved further down licking a stripe up his balls to his dick, sucking the crown into his mouth and tugging.
"Oh fuck!" Sam yelled lowly, clutching the sheets in his tight knit fists, "Uhhh Dean." He moaned loudly, jerking up into Dean's mouth. He pulled away after a few seconds, much to Sam's dismay, and looked up at his lover with wide eyes, asking one last time for his trust.
Sam nodded almost imperceptibly but Dean took his permission and traveled down once again as he pulled Sam's hips higher and propped him up on his arms, gliding his lips down to his tight, virgin hole.
He kissed the puckered skin before tentatively dipping his tongue out to taste, licking a wet stripe of heat over the hole and up to his balls. Sam jumped and stuttered at the new sensation, his legs pushing up off the bed and helping Dean tilt up his hips for more access – any sense of embarrassment or modesty went right out the window.
"Oh my…oh my God Dean." Sam hissed and moaned, squirming and pushing back into Dean's tongue which was now putting light pressure against his entrance, dipping inside and slowly stretching him open.
Sam grabbed his dick out of pure instinct and began tugging and twisting, speeding along the decent of his orgasm; his groans and gasps growing louder and higher pitched, more desperate and gratified every second. Dean was loving it.
He gripped a tighter hold of Sam's gyrating hips as his tongue gave a hard push in and started pumping in and out, his finger slipping in to join it a moment later.
Sam hissed at the added stretch and Dean slowed down, but didn't remove anything, before slowly beginning his search for the place inside Sam that would surely throw him off the edge.
"Faster Dean, I'm okay. M'okay," He mumbled slitting open his eyes to peer down at Dean's head, moaning lowly at the sight, "Feels so fucking amazing baby, you feel so amazing." He whispered just as Dean's finger delved in deep enough to twist and find that spot, rubbing up right against it and immediately beginning to gently massage. "AH!" Sam cried and gasped in a huge breath as he arched up off the bed, tugging on the headboard, unsure if he was doing it to ground himself or pull away from new, entirely overwhelming stimulation.
A second later though he was pushing against the wood, down into Dean's mouth, deciding he needed more, "Harder Dean, fuck." He urged breathily and Dean pulled out his tongue, roughly pushed a second finger in with the first and stabbed into Sam's prostate, pushing up against the organ as he lifted himself to watch Sam come apart.
"Oh shit…fuck," Sam panted harshly, "Ahh, Dean!" He screamed, finally releasing and coming hard all over his chest, shooting up across his shoulders and chin as his body jolted and relaxed several times, his groans and wheezing breaths eventually slowing as he came down.
Dean slowly pulled his drying fingers from Sam's hole, mindful of the friction so as to not hurt him. Sam sucked in a deeper breath than his others as Dean pulled out of him but didn't seem to be in any pain, so Dean laid down next to him, tugging a couple of tissues off the night stand and gently wiping up Sam's chest.
"Damn you shot hard," He muttered quietly, laughing as he wiped the last remnants off Sam's cheek. Sam smiled with him and finally opened his eyes, blowing out one last heavy breath.
"That was fuckin' incredible." Sam said quietly, running a hand down Dean's arm and over his taut stomach muscles, gradually moving lower to take care of him in return when he stopped, hearing approaching footsteps outside their door.
Then a quiet knock. They both froze, turning wide eyes toward the sound.
"Come on out boys." Bobby's voice sounded on the other side, "We need to have a talk." Dean immediately fell back into the bed throwing a hand over his eyes as footsteps retreated from their room and they were left in stunned silence.
"Shit." Dean hissed before rolling out of bed, "Come on Sammy," Dean coaxed his younger brother, still stock-still frozen in the bed, to get up.
"Come on get dressed." Dean tapped at his foot as he pulled on his shirt, finally getting Sam to look at him and nod shakily in agreement, rolling out of bed himself. Dean was ready with his boxers and handed them to Sam as his brother stood, pulling them up and on. Dean waited patiently for Sam to finish before following him to their door.
Sam was about to open it when Dean laid a hand down on his, stopping him for a moment, "Sammy listen to me," He started; Sam turned to face him with wide, scared eyes as he complied, "What were doing is not wrong, okay? The world can look at it however the hell they want but were not hurting anyone and were not hurting each other. We're…we're helping each other, loving each other. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. No matter what they say out there don't forget that, alright?" Dean asked, gripping Sam's shoulder tightly to enforce his words.
Sam crumbled the second his brother was done and crashed into Dean's arms, his body obviously shaking as he wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and nodded into the crook of his shoulder.
"I won't." He whispered. Dean stroked a hand down the back of Sam's head, rubbing the tensed tendons in his neck.
"No matter what happens, if he wants us to move out or says anything to you that makes me want to move out…I'll take care of us. You don't have to worry about that, okay. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure we're alright." He promised as his hands came down onto Sam's stomach, caressing the bump lightly in reassurance.
"I know you will. I will too. We'll be okay." Sam nodded again and pulled back, sniffing and blinking back tears, "Damn fuckin' hormones. Jesus." He muttered as he pulled open the door and they walked out, down into the study where Bobby and Meyer were waiting.
Bobby lifted his head from where it was resting in his hands as he heard the boys approaching; he looked weary and worn thin, the lines in his face ever more prominent.
"Look, if you're about to spill some speech about how wrong what were doing is or how disgusted you are about it, save it. If you want us gone we'll go but please if you're about to lecture…just don't. We don't have to turn this into some big falling out and Sam doesn't need any added stress."
"So it's true." Bobby stated looking from Sam to Dean and back again, "I was hopin'…maybe what we heard, that there was some other explanation for it." He said shaking his head. Sam at least had the decency to blush at the mention of 'what they'd heard' but Dean kept his gaze stony and emotionless, straightening up to face whatever else Bobby would say head on.
It was quiet for a long time, long enough to make Sam and Dean's skin crawl uncomfortably, just waiting for the inevitable blow. Bobby was going to politely ask them to leave, or freak the hell out and start yelling. The boys were frozen still in their wait for it, as was Meyer, who was sitting silently in the corner, obviously feeling a lot out of his element and not at all sure if he should even be there. Dean was lost watching him fidget and grimace every once in a while, almost getting out of his chair several times and then rethinking it a moment later, locked down in the intensity of the moment.
When Bobby finally spoke, Dean almost jumped, abruptly startled from his wandering gaze and straying, beyond stressed thoughts.
"And this is…" Bobby grimaced gesturing between the two boys, "Consensual?" He asked quietly, still screwing up his face as if in pain.
Dean recoiled with a disgusted look on his face, "Bobby, of course." He said still looking incredulous, "Who the fuck do you think I am? I'm not forcing Sam into anything." Dean snarled, not taking the suggestion in the question very well. The idea made him sick.
"I never said you…" Bobby's words died on his tongue and he trailed off, shaking his head again, looking simply too tired to finish his sentence or process what he'd learned.
"Bobby I know this is a lot to take in," Sam spoke up, taking a tentative step toward their distraught friend, "And I'm sorry that you found out, especially like that," Sam's face colored again and his head ducked in shame, "We never meant to burden you with this, you're already doing so much for us, we didn't want you to know. And we're sorry if we messed up our privilege to stay here or put you in any awkward position, like Dean said if you want us gone we'll go." He offered helplessly, searching for the right words to make this better.
Bobby sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, "You boys aint got no place to go, I'm not about to kick you out." He reasoned distractedly.
"Don't do us any favors." Dean snapped, "We can take care of ourselves just fine."
Bobby jerked his head up to look Dean in the eye, "I'm well aware. You still aint goin' anywhere so drop it." He replied just as shortly.
Dean huffed a sigh and backed down, satisfied with that answer and waited for Bobby to continue.
"So, what started this whole – why are you boys…?" Bobby began asking, but decidedly thought better of it before he finished his question, realizing he really didn't want the details of it.
"Never mind, I'm not even gonna pretend to understand what you boys are thinkin' doin' this, or why…I don't wanna know. But I suppose you aint hurtin' anyone…" Bobby sighed and shook his head again, "Givin' me some serious gray hair but I guess I'll live," He added more quietly, "So if this is…gonna keep happenin' under my roof," Bobby gave a slight shudder and shoulder-role at the thought, "Please, keep it under my radar. Make sure I don't see it…or hear it, for that matter. And I think then we can all move past this." He concluded, his expression contradicting his words; the man had never looked more unsettled or uncomfortable in his life.
"Bobby," Sam spoke softly, the vague suggestion of tears in his eyes, "We're doing this because we love each other. And if you find it so repulsive, please just ask us to go. Id' rather leave than live with someone who doesn't accept us."
Bobby thawed seeing the deep hurt in the youngest Winchester's solemn eyes and sighed again, looking apologetic, "Sam, I-I don't find you boys repulsive. I…I just don't understand what you're doing with each other, but that's not my business anyway. It's, I guess it'll just take me some time to…come to terms and all that." Bobby nodded trying to look reassuring, "You boys have been like my own since you were born, you have to understand when I look at ya, I see all those years you boys were growing up, bein' brothers. This is just…a lot to process." He shrugged and looked down at the dusty rug, his eyes distant and nostalgic.
"We understand that Bobby. And we're sorry for it." Dean offered before grabbing Sam's arm and excusing them, thinking everyone probably could use a break from the conversation about now. Specifically Sam.
They went out back into the junk yard and wandered until they found an old Pontiac Fiero, settling into the worn seats up front and looking out through the hole where there was no windshield to watch the sun set over the hills in the horizon. Dean grabbed Sam's hand and gently wiped under his eyes where a few rogue tears had slipped, smiling over his reassurance.
"What do you want to do?" Dean asked gently, keeping his voice calm and neutral but making sure the message was clear that he wasn't talking about right now.
Sam looked over at him coolly, meeting his steady gaze eye for eye, "He doesn't really want us here Dean." Sam told him with every ounce of confidence that it was the truth, "I want to get jobs, save up and find our own place. Like I said I can't live with someone who doesn't accept us. It was different when he didn't know, I could deal with that but this..." He whispered, trailing off and looking away.
Dean was quiet for a while, wondering if he should fight the decision or humor his brother, going through the list of pros and cons in his head.
"Sam, maybe we should give it a few weeks before we make that decision. I mean…the old man just found out, I can't blame him for being a little spooked. All things considered I think he took it pretty well. And I think maybe we should give him a chance before we hit the road." Dean suggested softly, hoping not to set his brother off as he knew his hormones we're steadily becoming more and more powerful over his moods.
Sam sighed still looking out at the orange-yellow sky, he blinked a few times and then turned to his brother, "You really think he'll come around?" He asked nearly inaudibly, the sheer level of hope in his voice startling Dean and twisting his heart into knots.
"Yeah man, I do." Dean nodded, smiling through the quick threat of tears, sighing to get a reign on his rogue emotions.
Sam swallowed thickly and nodded back, "Okay. But if he doesn't…I won't be able handle it. We'd leave then, right?"
"Yeah Sam, of course." Sam was silent for a moment, thinking.
"What about Meyer?"
"If he's not okay with it, fuck him, we'll do this on our own and be just fine." Dean said simply, trying to give off vibes of strength and sureness. This would work out, it had to.
Sam gaze was contemplative as he stared into the dashboard for a few silent minutes.
"I still think we should get jobs. We're gonna need money regardless of whether we move out or not." Sam pointed out, his voice tinged with fear again. They had two babies on the way…and shit did that throw them both back into a tail spin.
Dean agreed as calmly as he could manage and took Sam's hand, schooling his features, "I'll start looking tomorrow. But I don't know if you should work Sammy, you need rest. And besides you're gonna start really showing soon." Dean tried to reason as gently as possible, knowing how sensitive the subject of weight gain was for his brother.
Sam just sighed and dropped his head, clearly feeling useless again, "Yeah, no one's gonna want a whale working for them."
"Sam you know that's not what I meant."
Sam nodded and straightened up in his seat, shaking his head to clear it and try to be reasonable, "Yeah I know. And you're right. I won't be able to work long enough for it to matter anyway." He resigned trying to keep his brave face in place as he turned to Dean and gave him a small smile. Dean saw right through it.
"We're really gonna be okay Sam. Hear me when I say that. Everything will work out."
Sam nodded and squeezed Dean's hand, hoping beyond hope his brother was right.
Well, tell me what ya thought.