Thank you so much to PuRpLe SoCk MoNkEy, Crumbelievable, and nadiac869 for their review on "Sweet Tooth", Heaven's Archer for adding "Sweet Tooth" to her favorites, LEXA14 for subscribing, and al3xasara for adding me to her favorite writer's and favorite stories. It's like silent reviews, it makes my heart warm. :)

Also, prop's to angellwings, xXfly-by-nightXx, and Standard-Ang3l for their reviews on "Rose Garden", and for putting Rose Garden to their favorites!

al3xasara and angellwings for their reviews And DeadlyDaringLove for adding "Painting Wild Flowers" to her favorites.

nitchie4ever, al3xasara, NverSayNver for their reviews and favorites on "Sharing".

Nitchie4ever, al3xasara, angellwings for their support on "In Sickness"

If you haven't read "Rose Garden", "Painting Wild Flowers, "Sharing", or "Winning Roses", I would appreciate it if you did.

Title: Ashamed

Isn't it weird how people find their faith the most in times of need? Where were your prayers when life was good? Where was that thankfulness when things are going your way?

No.

We pray our best when life has knocked us to our knees and there's no other option but to believe in some miracle that might make everything okay again. We find the that the words leave us easily when things are heading south or when we feel like life has been unfair.

I know it's true because I feel the same way every time Blake preps my arm for my IV or when Mindy takes out the syringes.

"okay Ella, we're going to start now"

Caitlyn squeezes my hand as they wipe my back with alcohol.

" Caitlyn, if you have a weak stomach, you might want to leave." Blake says setting the silicone matte on the small of my back. Caitlyn shakes her head fiercely but pales considerably when they start filling the matte in with the syringes. I tense a little as they press the fifteen needle heads into my skin.

"Starting injections, now."

It burns and heats my entire body, and I feel sweat gathering on my forehead, I bury my head into the pillow and bite the inside of my cheek. I can hear Sammy down the hall crying and screaming.

Caitlyn must hear it too, because she squeezes my hand tighter. It's really after they pull the needles out that the burning increases. But I don't cry, I don't have any have any tears left to squeeze out.

I can feel the IV drip start to tapper and the sleep takes over.

I wake up from my medicated nap feeling more tired than I had before. I notice something out of place. I look over to the guest chair and my heart sinks.

Caitlyn left.

I feel a swamp of emotions flood over me. I'm angry that I trusted someone who ran away. Stupid for not seeing this earlier. But I feel ashamed that I let someone see me so exposed.

"Ella?" Caitlyn comes back and now I'm ashamed for a different reason. Her hair is disheveled and tossed on top of her head, her eyes are swollen and red, and her hands are trembling so badly that her coffee nearly sloshes out on to the floor.

"That was horrible." I chuckle and my back throbs dully.

"Yeah, it was."

"And those hospital gowns. I'm not sure any amount of bedazzling will make them fashionable." She smiles weakly, attempting a joke at my trade-mark sequins and glitter. I grin, shifting to get comfortable.

"Maybe if they weren't so drafty, they'd catch on?"

Caitlyn lets out a loud rasping laugh, causing the coffee to spill on the floor. We try and muffle down to giggles, as Caitlyn tries to get paper towels but is laughing to hard to actually get up.

Finally, we settle down and Caitlyn looks at me with a hallow look.

"Can we tell Jason?"

I wanted to cry, scream, and raise hell from my perch on the hospital bed. Instead, I rush to the connected bathroom and offer a prayer to the porcelain gods. Nurses' pitied me, Lab Techs' hated me, and Doctors' wanted to use me as a lab rat.

"Take this, you'll feel better." The nurse crooned handing me a little white cup with a single blue pill in its bottom. I tried to manage a smile but it felt like a grimace. The nurse smiles back and a little while later Caitlyn is back in the room.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Even if I wasn't, do I have much of a choice any more?"

"Why did you hide this from me?" Jason asks when Caitlyn leaves to find decent food. Jason and I had always been pretty close, especially since many considered us to be stupid. Jason was taking this personally, because we had grown close over the Camp Wars summer. He'd hide in the Wardrobe Cabin from while the JR Rockers were terrorizing another class.

"I wasn't hiding it from anyone," I fidgeted with the blanket over my lap "I just wasn't advertising it either." Jason's rough hand covers mine and I meet his eye hesitantly.

"Ella, be honest." Jason saw right through me every time.

"I thought that the camp was more important. I didn't want to spend the whole summer having people worry over me. I had enough of that during the regular year."

Jason nods and runs a hand through his hair.

"It was safe because no one knew... well... what are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to sing."

"You had a lot of visitors today, Ella-belle." Javi says from his station at the Foosball table.

"Yeah, I had some friends find out." I watch the ball as it flicks around the court, trying to keep it away from my goal.

"Did you tell that boy yet?"

Point Javi.

"No." I grumble, retrieving the ball from the goal.

"You should. If he's anything like you say, he'll be mad that you didn't tell him first."

"If I had my way, I wouldn't tell him it all."

Point Ella-belle

"But you can't have your way this time chica. Your little friend is going to find out soon enough."

Point Javi.

Point Javi.

Point Javi

Point Ella-belle

"I know." Javi doesn't place the ball back on the court, but holds it in his hand while the gazes at me.

I throw my hair up into a ponytail and shove my hands into my pockets.

"I just don't want those looks. The looks of pity and heartache. I can't handle them coming from Nate. I just can't, Javi."

"I'm going to say something, and I want you to think on it really hard Ella." His dark eyes are hard and cut.

"Are you ashamed of your deficiency or ashamed of how you're letting it effect you?"