Hey guys! So I can't really say I'm proud of this chapter. Not sure why, something about it kind of bothers me :\ but I hope you like it! Enjoy! :)

I woke up in an empty bed. What time was it? Where was I? In my room. Yeah, I was in my room. But the shades were down, so I wasn't even sure what time of day it was.

But I woke up in an empty bed. Why?

I got up, my hair loose and all over my face. "Honey?" I called out to Brittany, but I received no answer. Where the hell was she?

I got up from our bed and headed over the window to open the shades. Once I did so, my eyes were nearly blinded by the amount of sunshine that shot through my pupils. Fuck that was bright! I had to put my hands in front of my face before I lose my visual senses. Shit.

I turned away from the lights of hell and decided to head downstairs to look for my wife. Where the hell did she go? Oh God, she wasn't pulling an Izzy from Grey's Anatomy on me right? Izzy left her husband Alex when she had skin cancer, and was never seen again. Brittany didn't do that right? No, she would never do that to me. Yet paranoia grew inside of me like a life-sucking parasite.

I practically ran down the stairs calling Brittany, and I walked into the kitchen.

Oh thank God.

The beautiful blonde that married me just three years ago was sitting on our kitchen counter, looking down at something with a pen in her hand. I sighed in relief seeing that she didn't leave me, and I mentally scolded myself for being so ridiculous. Noticing my presence, Brittany looked up at me and smiled.

"Good morning!" she told me.

I was amazed at her energy this morning. Ever since she started chemotherapy, she hardly had energy for anything. And she tended to vomit a lot at random times. Radiation wasn't very comfortable I was sure, and it was definitely starting to show. Though not completely filled in yet, she was already starting to get purple rings under her eyes. Those beautiful sparkles I loved so much were never coming back, I finally realized, and her skin became even whiter than I thought it would get. She was in overall good shape since she wasn't a skeleton or balding, but she wasn't as good in shape as she was before the chemo. But the worst part? She had no sex drive, and that fucking sucked.

"Good morning," I responded, and I walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek. "How long have you been up?"

"Since five." Five in the morning? Jesus.

My eyes trailed down to the kitchen counter, where Brittany had what looked like a notepad that she covered with her hand. I blinked in curiosity as to what that was.

"Babe, what is that?" I asked her.

She looked down at her pad and smiled. "Oh! This?" She removed her hand and revealed a list. A list of what, I was about to check, but then she picked it up.

What the hell was that?

"It's a book it list."

I blinked. "A what?"

"A book it list. Y'know, that list of things you want to do before you die."

Okay no. I bit my lip to keep it from trembling.

"You mean a bucket list?"

She looked at the pad. "Oh! Yeah that. Wait, how does bucket make sense? I thought it was called a book it list because it's before you book it to wherever it is you're going after you die."

Could I just die and take her place? Please?

"Why are you making a bucket list?"

She looked at me like I had two heads. "Because I'm going to-"

I raised my hand. "Yes, I know please don't tell me again. But why? I mean, what's on it?"

She gave me a smile, like she couldn't wait to show me. "Look for yourself!" She held the pad out to me, and I grabbed it to read it.

"Okay…number one: successfully bake cookies with Santana."

"Because?"

I chuckled. "Because I always end up burning them when I try to bake."

"Read the next one!"

"Okay, okay. Number two: make a stuffed kitty at Build-A-Bear Workshop. Seriously?"

She nodded enthusiastically. This was a surprisingly simple gift, I though she was going to ask for the kind of stuff only achievable in movies, like sailing around the world or going to Paris or something.

"Number three: gather all the old glee kids and having an awesome party." I looked at her. "I hope you don't mean everyone." I was referring to Artie, because there was no way I was going to be in the same room as him.

"No of course not. Read the next one, it's my favorite."

At least Stubbles would never be mentioned. I looked down at the pad for the last thing she wrote, and I began to read it out loud.

"Number four…"

Wait. What did that say? Was I reading right? My mouth dropped. My eyes widened to much it looked like I didn't even have eyelids. Did I catch a late case of dyslexia? There was no way I was reading this correctly. Didn't Brittany know I never wanted one? Oh God. What the f…

"…have a baby."

When I looked up at her, she was smiling, a smile so bright and alive I almost forgot she was sick and dying. Sparkles were still not in her eyes, but they were bright and hopeful. She wanted a child. With me. Why? Did she not know I would never be mother material? I hated kids! I didn't want any, not even with…well, maybe with…damn it!

"Please," she said in a childish tone.

How could I say no to those beautiful, dead gems? But this was a very serious decision that I – we – had to make. And plus, what was the point? Brittany wasn't going to live long enough to see the kid grow, she might've not been able to see the baby's first steps, she couldn't even…

Tears were streaming and I didn't even realize it until the smile disappeared on Brittany's face.

"Santana?"

"Why?" My tone was a mix of anger and sadness.

"What?"

"Why, Brittany, why? What's the point of having a kid if you're not gonna be around for it-"

"Her."

"Don't give it a gender! Don't even give it a name, because we're not having one! You're not doing this to me Britt. We can have a dog if you want, or a hamster or something. But I'm not having a kid!"

I began to sob, and Brittany got out of her seat and walked over to me quietly. Why was she making this more painful than it had to be?

"Santana," she called me as I felt her arms begin to wrap around me.

"No Britt." I pushed her away and looked at her in fury. "I can't have a kid with you. I won't! A kid needs a mother –"

"And she will-"

"Don't give it a fucking gender!" I screamed. My finger pointed at her and whipped around aggressively. "Why are you doing this Britt? You're making everything hurt more than it has to be. I just…I can't! I'm not doing this!" I whipped around so my back was facing her, and I continued to cry. I wasn't sure whether to be pissed or depressed. Maybe both.

Her arms wrapped around my waist, but this time I didn't fight back. Her head rested on my shoulder, and her lips lightly pecked my neck.

"Santana," she began. "I want this for us. I don't want you to be alone when I'm gone. At least with a tiny adorable baby I can give you something out of all this. A little piece of me that you can raise and take care of and everything! I just want you to be happy while I'm gone." She pulled me in and hugged me tighter. "Please San. Please."

I was silent for a long time, thinking about everything. All of this was too painful. The love of my life was dying, and she wanted to have a child as one last wish. I still didn't know what to do. Do I have a child with her that will remind me of the pain of losing her for the rest of my life? Or do I disobey her greatest wish and be alone to drown in my sorrow for the rest of my life? I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

Yet my mouth came up with an answer.

"Okay."

I was whipped around by Brittany suddenly, and I came face-to-face with her, my face almost touching her skin.

"Really?" That smile that always made me happy appeared on her face once more.

"Yes." I didn't feel so sure. Yet I found myself saying yes.

She pulled me into a tight hug, and jumped slightly. "Oh San I'm so happy to hear that! I'm so happy, you have no idea! We're going to have the most adorable baby in the entire universe!"

I wanted to smile, but I couldn't.

"No shit, a kid?"

I was sitting on the porch of my house with Puck. I had invited him over as soon as Brittany passed out to take a nap. She'd been taking a lot of naps lately.

I had a cigarette in hand. I promised Brittany I would stop smoking years ago, but there were times I just had to break that promise. Like now.

"Yep," I answered as I puffed a ball of smoke out of my mouth.

"Wow. How are you gonna…y'know… do it."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm going to attach penis to myself and have crazy trannie sex with my wife." I was sarcastic, of course. Maybe.

"That's hot," he joked.

"But seriously, I don't know. In vitro's pretty expensive. We can only afford this house with the help of both our parents. I don't want to make them pay for that procedure either."

"You could always have sex with a random guy."

I smacked him in the back of his head, which made him laugh.

"Hilarious Puckerman. I only have sex with one person."

"Yeah? And when was the last time you two got down and dirty?"

That shut me up. I looked away with a frown.

"That long huh?"

I put my face in my hands in frustration. "Chemo gives her like, no sex drive. It sucks ass."

He gave me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. Yeah, it really sucked to be horny every second of every day and not be able to satisfy the hunger. It was selfish of me to be so frustrated like that, but our marriage used to be full of sex, and it was our sign of a healthy marriage. I just hoped I wouldn't get too selfish and turned desperate to hop into bed with anyone else.

Puck was pretty lucky to be a single man. At least he could do whatever the hell he wanted.

"Who's gonna be the pregnant one anyway?"

Whoa, that's right. Brittany and I didn't say anything about who was carrying the kid. But clearly it couldn't be Brittany, the chemo would kill the thing in an instant. I guess I had no choice but to do it myself.

"I guess it's going to be me."

Puck's eyes widened. "Whoa, a pregnant Santana Lopez? I thought that was a myth."

I smacked him again.

"Shut up, Puckerman," I muttered.

"Well y'know, I never used condoms so I sort of expected you to-"

Another smack.

"How many times do I have to tell you to not bring up us having sex in high school?"

He laughed. "Sorry."

"Yeah. Now get out of here, Quinn is coming over."

Puck jumped out of his seat. "I guess I better go then."

I shook my head at his cowardice. "Whatever."

I stopped Quinn before she could enter Brittany and me's bedroom. Thank God the door was closed so Brittany couldn't hear me.

"Wait, do I smell like smoke?" I asked her. I didn't want Brittany to have a fit if she found out I snuck in a cigarette.

Quinn leaned closer to me and sniffed to see if there was any smell of ash still covering me. I must've put an entire bottle of mouthwash in my mouth and around my face, plus I sprinkled some on my clothes too.

"You smell like a bottle of Listerine," she told me with a grimace.

I gave her a thumbs up. "Awesome."

I opened the door, where Brittany was sitting up in bed like she was expecting us. She flashed a smile to Quinn, then to me.

"Hi guys!" Maybe I was crazy, but I could've sworn she was starting to turn green.

"Hi Brittany," Quinn greeted her, and we both walked over to the bed and sat there so Brittany didn't have to get up. Brittany gave Quinn a tight hug, then pulled back, still smiling. She then blinked, and looked over at me.

"San, you smell like a bottle of leistering."

Quinn laughed, then corrected her. "Listerine."

I rolled my eyes and lied. "I accidentally spilled the bottle all over me."

Brittany shook her head. "Clumsy."

"So how are you feeling Britt?" Quinn asked her.

Brittany opened her mouth to answer, but it was like Quinn's question was the activator for what was going to happen next. Instead of words, a hand flew at Brittany mouth, kind of like she was going to…

Oh shit.

She ran towards our bathroom, and by instinct I ran after her, with Quinn behind me. Brittany practically slid on her knees to the toilet, and she stuck her head in there and did her business. The sound of vomiting was always gross, but I was so used to doing it when I had bulimia in high school it was almost comforting. All I could do was grab Brittany's hair and hold it back so she wouldn't get any grossness on her beautiful blonde strands.

"Is that all?" I asked her.

She took a moment to respond. "Yea-" but she vomited again. This time I looked away, not wanting to see her like this. Was the chemo really helping?

Quinn kneeled down and placed her hand on Brittany's back. "Hun? Everything okay now?"

Brittany took even longer to respond, just to see if she had to vomit again. When she was sure she wouldn't regurgitate again, she brought her head out and looked at Quinn.

"Okay, yeah I think I'm good."

Quinn stood up. "I'll go get you some juice, okay? I'll be right back." She sped out of the bathroom, leaving me alone with my dying wife.

Brittany looked over at me and smiled. "Hi."

I accidentally smiled, but I pushed it away as soon as I did. This wasn't something to joke about, she was dying right in front of my eyes!

"C'mon," I muttered as I grabbed her arm and pulled her up. "Let's get you back on the bed."

She had fast reflexes at that moment. In an instant she had pushed the toilet seat down and sat down on it, her hand suddenly attached to mine. Did the radiation give her superpowers or something?

"Mrs. Lopierce," she called me with a grin.

I sighed. "Other Mrs. Lopierce."

She placed her other hand on my hand as well, so my tan body part was covered with milky whiteness.

"Have I ever told you you're the bestest wife a girl could ever ask for?"

She was choosing now to be all lovey dovey and cute? What amazing timing.

"Don't," I sighed out. "I'm not in the mood right now."

She suddenly jumped up, which surprised me because I didn't even know she had the energy for that. "We're having a baby! You should be in the mood!"

I shook my head. "Britt. I don't want to talk about this right now."

She frowned. "Santana."

"What?"

She sat back down. Well, her mood certainly changed fast.

"You're sounding like high school Santana."

No. She was wrong. Hell no. I immediately shook my head furiously. "Don't say that."

"You are."

I stepped back from her. "Britt. Shut up."

"See? I didn't realize we were still in high scho-"

"Brittany! I said I don't want to fucking talk about it. So please, keep it at that. I don't want to fight!"

Thankfully Quinn walked in that moment with a glass of orange juice.

"Guys! I hope you're not fighting." She handed Brittany the glass and she received a smile as a thank you.

"Quinn! Santana and me are gonna have a baby!"

Thank God Brittany was given the orange juice, because I was pretty sure it would've been dropped by Quinn just like her jaw had been.

"What?"

Now I was getting pissed that Brittany was still bringing this subject up. I didn't want to talk about having that stupid kid right now. And we only just talked about it today, we had no plans yet! And I definitely wasn't even planning to tell Quinn yet until I knew for sure how we were getting this baby.

"Yeah! It's going to be a girl, and it's going to be the awesomest baby ever-"

"Will you shut up about that?" I yelled.

"No!" Brittany protested just as angrily. "You said yes San, so now we're having that darn baby, okay? I don't care if you don't want to talk about it, we're talking about it right now!"

Quinn raised her hands to try and get us to stop. "Guys, cut it out! I'm confused. You guys are having a baby?"

I rolled my eyes, not planning to answer. Brittany was the one who spoke.

"Yeah! We don't know how yet, but on my bucket list I wrote down that I want to have a baby!"

Sadness covered Quinn's face. "You have a bucket list?"

Brittany nodded. "You wanna see? I have it on my bed!" She got up and dragged Quinn into our room, with me lagging behind, silent.

Was I pissed or sad? I stood by the doorway of the bedroom, watching as Brittany showed Quinn her bucket list. Was having a kid with the one I loved so bad? Sure, she wouldn't be in the kid's life forever, but…she wanted it, right? So why was I so aggressive in the whole having a kid thing?

Brittany looked so happy showing Quinn her bucket list. But sorrow was in Quinn's hazel eyes, much like mine were. That list of Brittany's was just another reminder of how she was getting closer and closer to leaving us. All of us. Even the future child she wanted to badly.

This was just something I didn't want to witness. I spaced out, throwing myself into memories.