A/N: A big thanks to TARDIS_Girl91011 for Beta'ing this for me. Thanks for all my loyal readers who review my story and I'm sorry for how long I make you wait. I will try harder to get the next chapter written soon. Please enjoy and let me know what you think!
Chapter Fourteen – Dangerous Confessions
Darcy stood watching in shock at her retreating form, wishing he had spoken quicker. But he was still unsure what he to say. He wanted to tell her how he felt but it seemed impossible.
Darcy followed Elizabeth back into the ballroom and watched as she stood alone beside the dance floor watching with concern as Wickham danced with the enthusiast younger Miss Bennet. The evening was now late and there could barely be another half an hour of dancing before dinner was served.
"You are an excellent dancer, Mr. Darcy," Mrs. Gardiner said as she stood before him.
Darcy bowed politely. "Thank you, madam."
"Our Lizzy has always enjoyed the activity so, being such an active young woman," she remarked, watching her niece standing alone by the dance floor. "I wonder that she hasn't danced more this evening."
"Miss Bennet is a splendid dancer," he replied, remembering the times he had danced with her with fondness and found himself missing the contact he'd had with her only earlier that evening.
"She is," Mrs. Gardiner agreed. "I think one's partner makes all the difference in dancing, as in life."
When Darcy didn't speak, she continued with concern in her voice. "I do worry for my niece; she is quite different since her accident at Pemberly. I cannot fathom why."
Darcy looked at Mrs. Gardiner in confusion and she added politely. "Well you know enough of Elizabeth's character to know she is much livelier and cheerful than she is at present. It bothers Mr. Gardiner and myself to see her so withdrawn, so unlike herself."
"Perhaps Miss Bennet has other things on her mind," Darcy offered, silently indicating Lydia's situation, and he knew Mrs. Gardiner understood.
"True," Mrs. Gardiner conceded with a sigh. "But something in her heart is causing her distress and I feel for her. Indeed," she paused and continued innocently. "The only time she appears to be truly herself is when she is in your company."
Darcy was surprised by this revelation of Mrs. Gardiner's, but made the effort to express no more than confusion as he looked at Mrs. Gardiner.
"Please forgive me," Mrs. Gardiner remarked with a laugh. "I should not speak so freely, but I wish to convey my appreciation. It pleases me so to know that my niece has such a friend."
"Thank you, Mrs. Gardiner," Darcy replied after a moment. "I, too, enjoy Miss Bennet's company, although our acquaintance has been more by chance rather than design."
"Yes, that is often the best way," Mrs. Gardiner agreed and curtsied before returning to her husband's side. Darcy was left to ponder what Mrs. Gardiner had been indicating in her comment.
Darcy was grateful when the evening drew to an eventual close just after two. Elizabeth had avoided him for the rest of the evening and stayed close to her sister as often as possible. He watched with discomfort as Elizabeth had engaged in reserved conversations with Mr. Wickham and she was certain had Lydia not been in the gentleman's company Elizabeth would have avoided him at all costs.
But he was, too, made aware of how much he missed Elizabeth's company so quickly. That smallest amount of familiarity that had formed between them had meant more to him that he realised, now that he felt the loss of it so strongly. Elizabeth would not even meet his eye, let alone engage him in conversation as she had done so easily.
As soon as Elizabeth had departed with the Gardiners and the heavily intoxicated younger Miss Bennet, Darcy no longer felt an obligation to stay so bid goodnight to the Forsters and left the ballroom.
He walked through the quiet house undisturbed as most of the guests were leaving by the front. He entered the main hall to walk upstairs when he was startled by the appearance of Mr. Wickham entering the hall simultaneously through the opposite door.
Mr. Wickham bowed politely, "I trust the rest of your evening was pleasant, Mr. Darcy."
Darcy just glared at the other gentleman and chose not to reply, walking instead towards the stairs.
"I do hope that our little disagreement earlier hasn't affected your chances with Elizabeth," Wickham tone was ever polite but laced with arrogance.
Darcy took a deep breath to prevent himself losing his temper, knowing that would only satisfy Wickham. "Miss Bennet to you, Wickham," he answered politely. "And I recommend you concern yourself with something else, your finances perhaps."
Darcy walked up the stairs quickly, determined not to engage Wickham any further. The top of the stairs were dark except for the guest corridor, which was lit by candles in holders that were hanging on the wall. As he walked towards his room, he was reminded that Elizabeth's was before his and watched the door as he approached. He heard laughing from inside the door and recognized the giggle of the youngest Bennet sister.
"Lizzy, have you ever had such fun?" Lydia Bennet practically shouted excitedly, and footsteps could be heard bounding around the room.
"Lydia, if you do not quiet down, the entire house will hear you," Elizabeth scolded and Darcy's throat tightened at the sound of her voice.
What Darcy guessed as Lydia's footsteps bounded across the room and stopped. "My Wickham is such a fine dancer," Lydia exclaimed with a dreamy voice.
"This is ridiculous," Elizabeth's voice was one of exasperation. "Lydia, how can you behave so? Mr. Wickham is simply using you as he does all women."
"How dare you speak of him so? You do not know him!"
"And you do, I suppose? What of his creditors? He has left debts in every town he has left." Darcy frowned at Elizabeth's quick action. He couldn't agree that it was sensible to reveal such details to a young woman who appears to have no sense of propriety.
"Lizzy, what in heaven's name are you talking about? Mr Wickham is the most respected member of his regiment. If I had known you only wanted me here to slander Wickham's name, I would never have come to see you. You are so jealous that you would ruin my happiness forever just to make sure I don't get Wickham?"
"Do not believe me capable of such a thing," Elizabeth's voice was tired and pleading; it sounded foreign to Darcy. Elizabeth was not afraid of a confrontation, but even her strength must have a limit. "I asked you here because I love you, Lydia. Despite any differences we may have, that is my concern. Lydia, I am begging you, as your sister, not to throw your life away for this man. He is not honourable; I have it on good authority details of what he has done. This is not a man who will do right by you."
"He will marry me," Lydia's replied with determination. "He has promised himself to me and I to him. You are inventing these slanders because you wanted Wickham to yourself and lost your chance. If he had truly wanted you, Lizzy, he would have asked you for your hand when you refused Mr Collins! Is that why you refused him? Have you really been saving yourself for Wickham?"
This accusation made Darcy angry in Elizabeth's defence.
"I would sooner marry Mr. Collins than Mr. Wickham," Elizabeth snapped angrily in response.
Lydia laughed in a patronising manner. "Now that I cannot believe Lizzy."
"Lydia, I am trying to be as civil about this as I can, but your fantasies about Mr Wickham will dissolve once we leave Brighton, which is assure you will be at the earliest opportunity."
"My uncle will not take me away from Brighton," Lydia said arrogantly. "Mama would not allow it! Do you think she would let your jealous tendencies prevent at least one of her daughters make a suitable match? After Mr Bingley's swift departure and you refusing Mr Collins it would appear I am the only daughter left who can be trusted to find a husband."
"Mr Wickham doesn't love you, Lydia. I had to refuse his advances tonight Lydia." Darcy listened to Lydia's audible gasp and Elizabeth quickly added, "I swear to you that I did not wish to have to divulge that to you and I promise I do not love him. But if he truly was seeking your hand in marriage, he would make his intentions known to more than just yourself."
The sudden silence was shocking, and Darcy unconsciously leaned towards the door to listen but heard nothing for a moment, and wondered what looks were being exchanged in that moment between the sisters.
"You're lying! Wickham wouldn't do that to me. He is not in love with you, he is not!" Lydia's voice had lost its strength and the young woman sounded to be convincing herself more than Elizabeth.
"I don't believe he is in love with me," Elizabeth agreed calmly. "I believe he is attempting to take advantage of me as he is trying with you. This is an example of the behaviour I am trying to explain."
"Lizzy, I never believed you to be so cruel, so vindictive as this." Lydia's voice was once again filled with anger.
"Lydia, I'm begging you to believe me," Elizabeth pleaded, her voice etched in desperation.
"You're lying," she shrieked and Elizabeth scolded her to keep her voice down. "He loves me," she declared. "What we have shared is nothing you could even imagine! We have given ourselves to each other in every possible manner."
Darcy sighed as dread filled the pit of his stomach, his worst fear confirmed as he realised the implications of what Lydia was suggesting.
"Lydia," Elizabeth said and Darcy could picture her face etched in horror, her voice gave away the emotion. "What exactly are you stating happened between Mr. Wickham and yourself?"
"He has shown me a level of intimacy and pleasure that I have never experience before, but it's a level of intimacy that require we must now get married. That is how I know he wants to marry me; he has already taken me."
Darcy closed his eyes and silently cursed the man. Once again the silence in the room was deafening and he remembered what he was doing. Not to mention the implications if he was caught in such an act as spying.
Without hearing another word, he walked quietly away and went to his room. This changed matters entirely; now Wickham would have to marry Lydia, or the Bennet's risked Wickham revealing the degree of his relationship with Lydia to society. Darcy went to bed knowing it would take a very long time for slumber to find him.
"How could you?" Elizabeth asked, fighting tears from falling.
"When you love someone with all your heart you cannot wait. We love each other with too great a passion." Lydia was so optimistic and dreamy it made Elizabeth ill.
"I'm ashamed to call you my sister," Elizabeth said with a cold expression. "You have bought embarrassment and shame to this family and all I can say you better pray with all your soul that you can be forgiven for such actions."
"Lizzy, what does it matter? Wickham and I will marry and no one will ever know that we couldn't help ourselves. Just because you live in the dark ages doesn't mean I have to."
Elizabeth stood from the bed and walked over to her sister. "Our virginity is something we give to our husbands, only when God has joined the union." She grabbed her sister by the elbows. "A man who truly loves you with that great a passion would court you with respect,and ask you to marry him. A true and honest gentleman wouldn't need to keep such love a secret from society; he would make his intentions known."
Lydia's confidence visibly faltered, but she removed her arms from Lizzy's grasp and walked away. "You know nothing of love, Lizzy. You think you understand how it feels to ache for something deep inside you? For your heart to break simply when he leaves the room?"
Lizzy knew in a moment how it felt and bringing Mr. Darcy into her thoughts at a moment such as this only worsened her pain, not baring to think of his reaction if he knew the truth.
Lizzy turned to once again face her sister and said calmly, "Yes, it's very simple for you to speak of love and passion, Lydia. Perhaps it is fortunate to be so completely naive." Her temper rose as she continued angrily, "But what if you are pregnant? If Wickham doesn't marry you for several months and you discover he's made you with child, what would you do? Do you have any idea what you have risked?"
Lydia rolled her eyes. "Now who is naive, Lizzy. Mr. Wickham took measures to prevent it."
Lizzy was disgusted. "For a so called respectable man to be aware of such methods is unthinkable! Doesn't that alone show what kind of man he is?"
Lydia's resolve seemed to crumble; her face fell as she realised Elizabeth's implication.
Lizzy intended to leave that thought in her sister's head as long as possible. She walked to her door and opened it. "Go get some sleep, Lydia. Truly think about the choices you have."
Lydia gathered herself enough to glare at her sister and stalked out of the room. Lizzy closed it and took a deep breath, losing the composure she'd possessed for the sake of punishing Lydia. The conversation she'd just had with her sister had distressed her so greatly she didn't have the strength to change from her gown. She walked over to her bed and laid down, tears already falling and she cried herself to sleep, free to show the emotion she would have to keep hidden from everyone else.
At breakfast, Darcy saw no sign that Elizabeth had discussed her conversation with Lydia with anyone else, and Darcy wished that his curiosity hadn't been so strong as to entice him to listen to a private conversation between sisters. But as much as he was ashamed of his actions, he was glad he was fully aware of the situation they were all now involved in.
Darcy was invited by the Forsters to join them on an expedition to the local village; a short carriage ride into town and stop at the local inn for lunch. He chose against the carriage, and rode into town beside the carriage that Elizabeth rode in, the fresh sea air assisting in his thought process.
"What do you think of Brighton, Mr Darcy?" Colonel Forster asked while they walked through the town a few paces behind the ladies.
"Quite pleasant," he replied evenly, "although I prefer the countryside to the seaside."
"Yes," Mr. Gardiner commented. "I daresay I agree with you. Has the seaside been a pleasant change for your soldiers, Colonel?"
"Indeed," Colonel Forster replied from Mr. Gardiner's right side. "My soldiers have found the weather pleasant for training. And my officers have greatly enjoyed the society."
"Some more than others," Mr Gardiner added with a disapproving tone.
The Colonel immediately understood Mr. Gardiner's tone and asked, "Have you thought more about that situation, Sir?"
"After the events of last night, I feel it would be in my brother-in-law's best interest to return his daughter to him as soon as possible."
Darcy was pleased by Mr. Gardiner's response, hoping that the gentlemen would come to the right conclusions regarding Wickham and Lydia without his inappropriate interference.
"I understand, Mr. Gardiner. I will do all I can to assist you in this matter," Colonel Forster replied formally. "I do intend to strongly reprimand Mr. Wickham's behaviour and try to influence him to change his ways. The subtle attempts of some of my more honourable officers have not been successful."
"We intend to depart tomorrow before midday, if that is convenient," Mr Gardiner said. "My wife and I will be informing our niece when we return to your house. I fear she will not take the news well."
Lydia Bennet did not take the news well. Elizabeth had barely eaten during lunch and had avoided eye contact with Darcy the entire meal and journey back to the Forster's house. He missed her conversation, her smile so suddenly that it nearly over powered the more important matters at hand. As he rode home he was more focused on finding ways to engage her in conversation. Unfortunately when they returned Colonel Forster offered Mr. Darcy and Mr. Gardiner an afternoon of shooting with the officers while the ladies spent the afternoon indoors.
Darcy managed to collect half a dozen pheasant over the afternoon, though his mind was not truly focused on his task. He had a pleasant conversation with Mr. Gardiner, who shot beside him, and kept a close eye on Mr. Wickham, who shot with the other officers. Mr. Gardiner shared many of his interests, and Darcy found himself very comfortable in the gentleman's company. Mr. Gardiner had kept Darcy's mind off Elizabeth until they returned to the house and Lydia's loud voice could be heard at the most alarming speed he'd ever heard in his life. Mr. Gardiner stopped outside the sitting room door and looked at Mr. Darcy apologetically.
"May I suggest a sherry in the library a better occupation than entering that room while my niece is so distressed?" he said in a tone mixed with embarrassment and amusement.
"Of course," Darcy answered gratefully and they walked to the library.
"I'm afraid Lydia has inherited my sister's temperamental constitution," Mr. Gardiner remarked with a sigh.
"Young ladies do have a tendency to exaggerate some matters," Mr. Darcy commented diplomatically. "I have some experience in this matter, having raised a younger sister."
"Miss Georgiana is a splendid young lady," Mr. Gardiner praised as Mr. Darcy opened the door for the other man. "And here is another splendid young lady," he added cheerfully.
Mr. Darcy walked in and saw Elizabeth sitting at the writing table, appearing to be in the middle of writing a letter. He bowed to her, "Forgive the intrusion, Miss Bennet."
"On the contrary, it is no intrusion," she replied with a polite smile. "I was just writing a letter to my sister, Jane."
"Again, my dear?" Mr Gardiner commented with a laugh. "What will you do, my dear Lizzy, when Jane and yourself are married and could live miles apart?"
Elizabeth smiled mischievously and replied, "The thought is too distressing, Uncle."
"Perhaps when the fortunate event takes place, you will not be taken too far from your sister," Mr. Darcy commented as he accepted a glass of sherry from Mr. Gardiner.
"I hope not," she replied, a genuine smile gracing her face for the first time that day. "Besides, I have not only written to Jane, Uncle. I've just completed a letter to Miss Georgiana."
Darcy felt his heart skip a beat as he looked at the envelope resting on the table. "My sister will be very pleased to receive a letter from you, Miss Bennet," he answered warmly.
"I miss her company," Elizabeth answered, her expression honest. "And I feel a sense of guilt that her brother has been away from her; I know she misses you terribly when you are away."
He smiled back at her and sipped his sherry. "We shall probably return to Longbourne before Jane receives the letter," Mr. Gardiner replied with amusement.
Lizzy sat between Lydia and Mr. Darcy at dinner, spoke to her sister only when she was forced to and did not begin a conversation with anyone. Her conversation with Lydia the previous night played on her mind continuously, and she could not bring herself to look at her sister or Mr. Wickham. Mr. Darcy was very pleasant to her, but as soon as she stopped and thought, she felt physical pain in her chest. The shame of what she knew couldn't let herself indulge in fantasies about him for long.
After dinner she sat with the other ladies on one side of the room, working on some embroidery she'd brought with her on her trip. The ladies talked happily about dresses and parties, particularly last night's. Lydia was sulking, but still held onto some manners, speaking to Mrs. Forster and Mrs. Gardiner in the vain hope that she could convince her Aunt to stay longer.
Lizzy found her eyes constantly wandering over to Mr. Darcy, who was drinking brandy and sitting quietly as the gentleman also talked across the room. They would be leaving in the morning, and it had not yet been discussed whether or not Mr. Darcy would be accompanying them to Longbourne. Lizzy didn't see why he would accompany them; now that Lydia was safe and Wickham was to stay in Brighton, his obligations were fulfilled. But the thought of leaving his company hurt more than she would ever admit. Despite the unthinkable circumstances, she had fallen in love with Mr. Darcy during it all.
She became overcome with her emotions, and feigning a headache, she retired early, hastily leaving the room to retreat to her bedroom. Once inside, she allowed herself a moment of selfishness. She sat on the window seat of her room and thought about every moment she'd shared with him, from the time he'd appeared in the darkness while she was attacked. A shiver ran through her as she remembered, and she hugged herself, remembering the relief she'd felt being held by him as he'd taken her back to Pemberly. She knew she'd never love a man as she did him; the realisation caused the tears to fall.
Lizzy got ready for bed with a heavy heart, changing into the same white nightgown she'd worn the night he'd taken her back to Pemberly. She'd been informed by the housekeeper that she could keep it, and despite what the circumstances surrounding it, she loved it. It was like carrying a piece of Pemberly with her, a piece of Mr. Darcy.
They ripped at her dress, laughing as she screamed and struggled in terror. "Help, please," she called out as she heard approaching hooves. The men didn't stop this time when the horse stopped and a man climbed off, one held her hands down while the other ripped open her bodice. Through her tears, she looked up at the man approaching. It was Wickham; he watched with a calm smile on his face as the men continued to undress her. "Help me," she begged as she struggled, but he simply watched her and smiled.
Lizzy cried out as she awoke, panting heavily into her pillow as she adjusted to her surroundings. She sat up in bed, her body moist with perspiration and lungs struggling for air. She wiped the tears from her face and focused on her room to calm her thoughts, but was startled by the sound of a door opening nearby. In the hall, the clock struck two in the morning and Lizzy frowned at the sound of the door.
Her curiosity was too great and she climbed out of bed, watching silently over to her door. When she heard a door close, she recognised it as Lydia's door. Remembering that Wickham and Lydia had behaved indiscreetly already, she panicked and nearly wrenched open her door and ran to Lydia's room without so much as a dressing gown. She opened the door and was surprised to find the room empty. Lizzy wondered where Lydia could have gone and realised with horror that the girl could be going in search of Wickham. As she exited Lydia's room she heard footsteps at the bottom on the stairs and a faint laugh she knew immediately.
Lizzy ran down the stairs, not caring if she made noise. She followed the sound of footsteps into the servant's quarters. When she entered the hallway, the noise stopped. "Lydia?" she called out in a strong voice, unsure of where to go to find her. She heard a giggle and horses hooves from outside and ran down the hall and through the kitchen, finding Lydia and Wickham outside with a servant getting horses ready for a carriage.
They both were startled to see her and without a word Lizzy grabbed her sister's arm and started pulling her back towards the house. "Lydia, what are you doing?" she demanded in a hushed voice, completely furious.
"You can't keep us apart," Lydia snapped, wrenching her arm from Lizzy. "We are going to Gretna Green."
Lizzy looked from Lydia to Mr. Wickham, who was looking at her with an arrogant smile. "You will have to forgive my rash behaviour, Miss Bennet," he said calmly. "It is the folly of a man in love."
"A man in love?" she repeated in disbelief. "I do wonder what Colonel Forster will have to say about that."
Wickham lost his calm posture and expression, but said kindly to Lydia. "My love, stay with the carriage. I need to speak to your sister in private to convince her of our love."
Lydia smiled smugly and Wickham walked back into the house. Lizzy followed, and once the door was closed behind her, Wickham roughly grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled her into the housekeeper's parlour.
The room had no light but for one candle lit at the window sill, and Lizzy turned around as Mr. Wickham shut the door. "Have you gone mad, Sir?" she demanded with a raised voice. "What makes you think you could possibly get away with such behaviour?"
"If growing up with Darcy taught me anything," he answered bitterly, "it's that you must protect your own interests above everything else."
"You're a blaggard!" Lizzy spat angrily at him, unable to contain herself.
He pushed her angrily into the wall and pinned her, making her gasp in fright. "You've done this to me, Elizabeth," his voice desperate as he stared at her almost crazed. "If you'd accepted me, I wouldn't have had to resort to your sister. But you had to choose Darcy."
"Let me go," she said loudly. "I will scream if need be."
"Elizabeth, if you wake anyone I will make this look as disgraceful as I can," he answered in a calmer manner. "Two Bennett sister's disgraced in one night; your family would be ruined."
To her horror he grabbed her right sleeve of her nightgown and ripped it, baring her shoulder and causing her sleeve to hang in tatters down her arm.
"Why are you doing this?" she demanded as she made another attempt to push him away. "Why Lydia? If it's me you want, why take Lydia away?"
"I've never been rejected by a woman in my life," he answered plainly. "You have shamed me, embarrassed me in front of my enemy, a man I hate more than any other. Your sister is...pleasing enough to occupy my interest for a time."
"She thinks you intend to marry her," she answered. "You have no such intention."
"Why would I marry a woman who can offer me nothing?" His answer was so matter of fact Lizzy tried to strike him in her outrage.
Prepared, Wickham grabbed her wrist and pinned it to the wall beside her head, glaring at her.
"Lydia may be young and thoughtless but she deserved a real gentleman; I won't let you take her away," Lizzy said as she tried to free her wrist to no avail.
"What can you do to stop me?" he tormented with a smirk.
"Even if you left at full speed, do you really think Mr. Darcy wouldn't be coming after you at the first opportunity?" she threatened back. "Your hateful feelings towards him are mutual; he would not rest, not after your actions towards Georgiana."
"If I was afraid of Darcy, would I be here, embracing the woman he loves?" he asked with an evil smile, his free hand moving to touch her waist.
Lizzy felt her body betray her as she began to tremble, her fear becoming obvious as she struggled to breathe as her throat became constricted. "Your unforgivable actions in the past could have destroyed his sister's life yet you are the one so settled on revenge?"
"When I have settled on something I want," he said slowly, gently even as his gaze wandered down as though in deep thought. "I don't rest until I get it."
Lizzy followed his gaze and realised he was watching her chest as she panted for breath. She felt vulnerable, out of control and helpless against him, but she knew he could hardly do her harm while her sister was only in the next room waiting for them. But he was capable of anything, and she was more terrified that her sister would leave with him.
"Mr. Wickham, please," she said, and he looked up at her.
"Revenge is what I desire," he conceded, leaning in close until Lizzy could feel his hot breath on her neck. "And what better revenge than to take the one thing he wants most?"
Lizzy watched him nervously as he continued. "You want me to leave your sister alone, Elizabeth. You must take her place."
"I don't understand," she began, nearly choking on the words.
"Come away with me, your sister will not be disgraced and will return to Longbourne with nothing more than a broken heart." He was pleased with himself, now knowing that he had the perfect opportunity to make this situation work completely in his favour.
"I would never degrade myself so," she spat angrily. "How dare you suggest such a thing?"
"Would you be so selfish as to allow your sister to be lead to such ruin?" He squeezed her waist to emphasise his point. "If you take her place, I will show you such pleasure you did not know was possible."
Lizzy was horrified and frightened by her options. Risk her sister's reputation or condemn her own? Logically she knew that no matter who went with Wickham, Darcy and her uncle could track them down at the greatest haste, but there was always the chance that Wickham could escape them. The risk for herself had to be less than for Lydia, for she knew Wickham's intentions and could prevent them. Lydia was in love with him and would follow him anywhere. But what he would do to her if she was alone with him?
"It's your choice, Elizabeth," he whispered, pressing his body against her and leaning close to her. She tried to push him away but he held her tightly, pressing his lower body into her. "Will you sacrifice your reputation for your sister's? Will you let me take you?"
Lizzy looked back at him, her resolved crumbling as she accepted the only choice she had. She gasped when suddenly a silver blade appeared under Wickham's throat, making the young man start and look over to the owner of the sword.
"Step away from her Wickham, now."
A/N : Swordfight next chapter! What do you think?