I Don't Know!

Chap 8

A/n: Here we go!!!! Remember my b'day is in 35 days!!!!!

I wake up and fling my hand to the side of the bed. I fumble for the pan, sling it towards my mouth and throw up again. This is annoying. I remember what happened yesterday which makes me throw up even more. I put the pan back on the table and open my eyes. Tasha is sitting on the floor. Playing with a Bratz doll. It's Sasha, I think. Not one I've bought her or I've seen Mama with.

"Tasha, where did you get that?" I ask sleepily.

"Logan." Tasha mumbles.

"When did he give it to you?" I mutter.

"Why don't you ask him?" Tasha whispers.

I look to the other side of the room. Logan sits there. He looks worried. I groan.

"Dana, please forgive me!" he begs.

"Why should I?" I moan.

"I love you!"

"I swore you to secrecy!"

"I'm only human!"

"Look," I sigh, "I didn't want Warren to know, he'll use it as an excuse to stay with me."

"He doesn't want his parents to kill him! Dana, he won't stay with you!"

"You don't know him!"

"Dana, he doesn't love you, he won't want a baby with a girl he doesn't love if his parents will disown him!"

"Shut up!"

"No! I want you to listen to me!"

"Why should I?"

"Dana, I love you! He doesn't! I will look after you and both your kids! He won't!"

It hits me. He's negotiated something with Warren.

"What have you promised him?"

"Nothing!"

"Liar!"

"I've given him nothing!"

"Stop lying!"

"A thousand."

"A thousand? I'm not worth a thousand!"

"Dana, you're worth anything!"

"You don't need to buy me!"

"From Warren I do! He doesn't know when to stop!"

"Logan, come here."

I kiss him. I love him. I need him.

Xx

I'm my own with the nurse. Logan took Tasha to get some food.

"Dana, we've run some tests and it seems that you have a problem." the nurse explains.

"What sort of problem?" I bite my lip and hold my stomach.

"A brain problem."

"How bad?" I bite my lip so hard that I can actually taste blood.

"If you have this baby you are endangering your health. There is a small minor bleed to your brain."

I close my eyes.

"Your head will not heal if you keep this baby."

My head throbs. I clench my stomach.

"I'll leave you to think about it."

I feel my eyes well with tears. I don't cry. Or at least that's what I've told myself all these years. I cried in front of Warren. I've done that a million times, and yet I tell myself I don't cry.

Xx

Logan's back. I have my eyes closed. He's talking about our future. I start to cry.

"Dana? What's the matter?" Logan whispers.

"Tasha, leave." I mutter.

"Why, Dana?" she asks slowly.

"Just do it!" I order.

Tasha leaves the room with her Bratz doll. The door closes as the tears flood from my eyes.

"Dana? Tell me!" Logan holds my hand gently.

"I-have-a-minor-bleed-to-my-brain." I sob, "If I keep the baby I die."

Logan's silent and I'm crying.

Xx

I lie on my back, staring at the ceiling, counting the tiles, even though I've already counted them. Logan went. I made him. I couldn't continue crying in front of him. I made him take Tasha with him. I can't cry in front of her. Not even when she was a baby. I had to put her in a separate room to cry. This time it's different, I'm not ready to die, but I can't have an aubautions. I can't. They're wrong, but I could die.

Xx

In the morning I snatch the pot, throw up, put it back and count the tiles again. No-one brought any magazines for me. No-one brought anything for me to do. I need Mama. I can't call her, though, she'll kill me. I'm on my own. None of my friends can know. I'd become a charity case. Although I am one now. Some people think they have it bad, when they're pet gold fish dies and they have to flush it down the toilet, I am dying because I'm pregnant with brain damage. I have come to a conclusion, I'm going to risk my life. I've lived enough. My little one needs to live more than I do. I need to talk to Logan.

Xx

Lunchtime, although you won't catch me eating. Logan's come. He's left Tasha with Zoey. I cry into his chest.

"What's your decision?" he whispers.

"I'm going to die." I sniff.

"I'll look after it, I'll look after Tasha, I promise!"

"No, you're going to college!"

"Dana, I have my future all planned out, I'm going to be a producer, just like my dad!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah!"

"Do you know how much this means to me?"

"Yes! I love you, that's why I'm doing it!"

"Logan, promise me, you'll live on?"

"I promise! I already have someone lined up!?!"

"Who?!?"

"Tasha!?!"

"Ha ha!?! Very funny!?!"

"She's a lot like you!"

"You are not dating my four year old daughter when-"

"If,"

"when I die!"

"The nurse said there's still a chance!"

"I know, but I just have this feeling!"

"Feelings are nothing!"

"They are to me!"

"Dana, I have a feeling you are still going to be with me this time next year."

"If I am, then I'll..."

"Marry me?"

"I'd love to do that right now!"

"I know, me too!"

I kiss him. He's mine. He's my Logan. I know what this is doing to his insides, but he loves me. He's promised to look after my kids and he even loves me enough to marry me. I love him and he loves me. I hope I am alive this time next year. I stop kissing Logan and hug him. Logan strokes my hair behind my ear and I drift off to sleep.

Xx

A/n: Well a very eventful chap!!!!!! What do you think?????