Chapter 2

Santana still wasn't sure why she had come. She hadn't meant to, honestly, she had never really intended to talk to Kurt. Sure, he'd been on her mind a lot in the last week but she'd been trying to handle everything on her own. She'd never needed anyone to help her before so why…but as she'd gotten in her car to go home today Azimo had called her a dyke and something in her had just snapped. She'd been dealing with that sort of crap all week and that one word had just been the last straw.

She couldn't do this.

She sat there desperately holding back tears and had the sudden realization that she really couldn't handle this. That if she went home right now she was going to break down crying. That she'd just remembered those pills her Mom kept in the medicine cabinet and the fact that she'd even had a passing thought about them scared her to death.

She needed someone who understood. She needed Kurt. She wasn't going to cry over this, let alone do something…more drastic. If she talked to Kurt, saw him even, then she would remember that what she was going through wasn't that bad. She would convince him to spill his secret ways of dealing and then everything would be better, it had to get better. She barely even remembered the drive to Westerville; the entire trip was a blur other than the need to get to Kurt and her stubborn refusal to cry. She was Santana Lopez. So what if she was currently living her biggest nightmare and speeding down the highway desperately hoping for the advice of a boy she'd barely even talked to. She wasn't going to cry darn it!

The issue of locating Kurt once she reached his giant monstrosity of a school was easily solved by grabbing the nearest body in uniform (a blond whose hair instantly made her think of Sam, the color was disturbingly similar) and requesting that he do the work for her. The boy in question nodded easily and ran off. It was only a few minutes later that she heard the click of Kurt's heeled boots crossing the tile of the foyer, stuttering to a stop once he spotted her.

"Santana?"

The surprise in his voice shouldn't have been unexpected. It wasn't like they'd ever been friends. During their time in Glee and even when he'd joined the cheerio's the most they'd done was reduce the insults they'd directed at each other, and she certainly hadn't informed him that she was coming over. What exactly had she been expecting? Now that she was here she felt as if she'd made a horrible mistake. What had she been thinking? How was seeing Kurt going to help her? Really? What sort of magical advice could he possess? If he'd had such a thing then he would have never needed to leave in the first place. Oh she was such an idiot. Why had she-

"Santana? What's wrong?"

It was something about his tone that did it, the genuine concern there even when she knew he didn't particularly like her, that finally broke the dam holding back her tears. She didn't even try to stop herself as she buried herself in his chest, and released all of the pain and frustration of the last week in a torrent of body-heaving sobs. Surprisingly, he didn't shove her away. Instead he just held her, gently rubbing her back while she wept.

She just let the tears take her away for a while.

It was so odd, but standing there in that empty room, Kurt's arms wrapped around her she felt safer than she had in a long time. She'd never realized how strong his arms were before, as they circled her protectively. Or how firm his chest was until she'd held her face pressed against it. Even his hands were large, his thin piano fingers had always made them seem smaller, but now that they were rubbing soothing circles on her back she could tell the difference. It was like she'd suddenly noticed that Kurt was a boy and yet…where such a thing would normally make her feel uncomfortable (because it always had on some level even though she'd persistently ignored that fact) for some reason right now it just made her feel good. Comforted. Maybe because she knew that this was one man who'd never try to touch her sexually, to ask for the things other boys always wanted. He didn't take any happiness about having her body pressed against his nor was he going to expect her to 'reward' him later for 'being so nice'; in fact he didn't get anything out of this at all. She'd never had a guy 'protect' her without having to pay some sort of price for it before, (not that she'd ever broken down like this in front of a guy before, she would never let them see her this vulnerable, and the fact that she had done it in front of Kurt said enough in itself) she wasn't sure how to describe it.

He was acting like he cared. Like he really, honestly, cared. About her. No guy had ever done that before.

It was kind of amazing.

Maybe…maybe she had made the right choice in coming here after all.

Eventually the tears stopped. She waited a little longer in an attempt to compose herself but eventually that all important question, the one that had been hounding her for days now, rose up in her again. She didn't try to hold it back this time. She needed to ask. To know. She wasn't sure if it would make any sort of difference in the end but…she still needed to hear his answer.

"How did you do it Kurt?"

"What?" His voice was soft and gentle, without that sharp edge she remembered from McKinley. She wasn't sure if that was because of this new place, his new school, or if it had something to do with the way she had clung to him so fiercely…maybe it was a bit of both. The Kurt she remembered had disliked touch just as much as she did and yet this one hadn't even flinched. His hands had dropped slightly to rest casually around her hips, still embracing, but allowing her to have the space to lean back so she could look him in the face if she wanted to. He had changed. Gotten even stronger and right now he was lending her a little of that strength. He was just giving it to her, without pressing, because he knew she needed it and so she took a little of what he offered, letting him support her in this moment, trying to funnel this new confidence of his into the place where her own used to be.

The questions spilled off her tongue in a rush. "How were you so strong? How did you face them every day? How did you keep going back for so long?" She met his eyes at last, finally looking into the face of this boy who had comforted her though he'd had no reason too. "How where you still able to be so proud even when they kept tearing you down all the time?"

"Why?"

And there it was, that sliver of suspicion questioning her motives. This was still the Kurt she knew, the one who had fought his way through the hell that was McKinley High, he might be showing her kindness but he wasn't an idiot. Why should he tell her anything? He didn't owe her. If she was doing this to hurt him, if it was some sort of elaborate act, the kindness he was offering now would vanish in an instant. Kurt hadn't been nicknamed the 'Ice Queen' of McKinley for nothing and she knew just how vicious his tongue could be when one got on his bad side, it was something that she'd always respected about him.

If she wanted to get her answers, if she wanted to truly get to know him, she was going to have to tell him the truth.

"Everyone knows. They found out I'm gay."

She saw the realization sink in, his eyes widening and face going pale. She didn't need to say more than that really. With just those seven words she had effectively told Kurt everything she'd been suffering through for the last week. He'd been there, at that school, so of course he knew exactly what she was saying, even if she hadn't really told him anything yet.

His jaw tightened and he pulled her into a fierce hug, clutching her to him once more in a show of comfort that meant more to her than any words he could have uttered right then. Sharing that with him, truly knowing that she wasn't alone, made her feel even better than she'd thought it would. It didn't change anything, no, but just really knowing that he understood. Being able to see it on his face and feel it in the way he held her just how much he really truly knew what she was going through gave her a sense of peace she hadn't expected.

She really wasn't alone.

s s s s s s s

Eventually they moved from the front hall to one of Dalton's many lounge areas. By this time almost all of the commuting students had long since left and the rest where settling into their various dorms so it was easy to find one that was unoccupied. They settled into one of the plush leather couches (Santana approved of the high quality) there as they continued their talk. Santana ranted about all the crap that she'd had to deal with since her accidental 'outing' and Kurt interjected with a few comments on his own experiences as well as tips to deal with the aftermath (mostly ways to salvage clothing) of the various 'pranks' she was suffering from.

"I would tell you to transfer here with me but unfortunately I think you would be far too hot for the boys here to handle." He quipped teasingly, though there was a little bit of sadness in his eyes that told her he was sorry it wasn't going to be that simple. "They'd all combust at the mere sight of you, or at least turn into useless piles of mush. While you must be used to that already I don't quite think the teachers here are equipped to handle that level of stupidity on a regular basis. Their too used to people actually having brains." They shared a small chuckle over the joke. "Seriously though. If you really need to get out of there we do have a sister school, Crawford Country Day. You'd have to deal with a uniform though."

"No." She caught his surprised look at her abrupt answer. "I'm not going to leave. I-I can't."

He stared at her for a moment before understanding crossed his face. "It's Brittany isn't it? I'd always sort of thought, what with the way you two were," he waved his hand through the air in an abstract manner, "that you might be but I didn't want to assume anything. Especially not when you where both seeing guys all the time too."

"Yeah but not quite. It's," she tried to find the right words to explain when he looked confused, "yeah we were always together, together, but at the same time you know Brittany. She just kind of…goes with anything. So we were shaking up for years with boys on the side and she never saw anything wrong with it. But then," she sniffled slightly to hold back the tears, "but then I went and fell for her. Of course I saw what happened to you, always had, so it took me forever to be willing to risk it. But I did. It just wasn't worth dealing with the guys anymore and I thought Ok, we can be together now. Just the two of us. So I told her." Santana took a deep breath to hold back the sob trying to rise in her throat. "I told her I loved her and she turned me down because she wasn't willing to leave Artie to be with me."

"Oh, Santana." Kurt clutched her hand in his, giving her something to hold onto while a final tear tracked its way down her cheek. She'd though there would be more, thinking of Brittany's rejection was still the most painful thing, but she guessed she was all cried out. She was exhausted from all the tears she'd already shed today and her body just wasn't up to producing any more. She still felt better though; something about getting everything off her chest made that horrible ache there hurt a little less. Confiding in Kurt had been good for her. He hadn't mocked her or tried to play off her pain like it was nothing, nor did he attempt to offer useless platitudes. Even when he'd said her name like that all he'd done was shown her that he realized just how much pain she was in and allowed her cling to him until she calmed down again.

For some reason he kept giving her exactly what she needed. A part of her still expected him to turn around and snap at her, to throw her years of being a bitch to him back in her face, but instead he sat there listening and supporting her as no one but Brittany had ever even bothered to do before.

Yeah, maybe he hadn't had the magical answers she had come looking for but he had offered her something she had needed even more than that.

It felt…really good…to have someone just be there for her. She knew she'd never think of him the same way again, as just the bitchy-diva gay kid who, ok, was a little bit awesome but wasn't anyone special. He was special. In one just afternoon, by treating her so sweetly even though he had no reason to, he had managed to become one of the few people she genuinely cared about.

He really was a friend now. Her friend.

s s s s s s s

An hour or so later, mostly spent in a mixture of silence and aimless chatter over far less emotional topics, Santana had finished pulling herself back together. She'd surprised him once more by actually offering her thanks and grabbing him for one last hug before she took her leave.

Today had been completely surreal. The idea of Santana, of all people, collapsing into such an emotional mess tore at him. Though stunned by the sight he didn't think he could have reacted in any way but to support the normally haughty latina. While it was sort of nice to know that Santana did have feelings behind her arrogant and condescending demeanor seeing her brought so low like that was just…wrong. It went against everything he'd ever known about her and he didn't like it. Santana might be a bitch, but she was confident in herself and demanded respect from the people around her. No one should be able to tear her down like they had, especially not the dumb jocks at McKinley.

Kurt frowned as he thought about the situation. Yes, the students of McKinley had found out Santana was gay and were making her life hell but that actually wasn't the biggest problem, the problem was that they were getting to her. Kurt had been dealing with harassment for years, long before he'd officially 'come out' and it was aggravating and demeaning but as long as you had someone to support you, to remind you that the bullies were the stupid ones going nowhere and to rant to when things got bad, you could deal with it. Yes it sucked but it was something you could push through until things got better.

Right now it sounded like Santana didn't have anyone. Even Brittany, Santana's closest friend, was keeping her distance due to their romantic (or rather lack thereof) situation and Santana couldn't even really fall back on the glee club as he had on occasion. She was alone, and she knew it, so the jibes that she should be able to shrug off with only a little effort were ripping her apart. The desolation he'd seen in her eyes while describing the harassment had terrified him.

I'm not as strong as you Kurt. I'm not sure…I won't leave Britt. I can't. But I'm not sure I can deal with it all if it keeps up like this. I can't do it alone.

He'd never seriously considered it himself, he could never do that to his father, but even he'd thought of suicide in passing. The idea that Santana might…no. Just no. Sure she hadn't said it but the idea was there, lurking behind everything when things got to be too much, and now his mind was jumping to the worst possible outcomes of her being left alone with things as they were. It was way too horrible. He wouldn't let things get that far.

He couldn't let her do this alone. That was the biggest issue. As long as she had someone, to hold onto, to share the pain with, to support her when she couldn't be strong by herself like today then things would be all right. She'd make it through.

They would make it through.

Making the decision wasn't as hard as he'd thought it would be. As much as he'd come to love Dalton and the people he'd met here there was a part of him that still missed McKinley desperately. He wasn't entirely sure why, he'd suffered quite a bit there after all with Karofsky just being the last straw, but once he'd left he realized that despite everything he'd really loved McKinley. He missed the halls and classrooms, his French teacher with his quickly graying hair and perchance for waistcoats (one of the few teacher's who'd had a real sense of style even if it was stuck in the late 1800's), and of course the Glee club. Perhaps they hadn't always appreciated him but they had become an odd little family during their time together and he really missed being with them and getting caught up in all of their ridiculous drama. Dalton had been good for him but McKinley was where his heart was, so no, it wasn't hard to make the decision to return now that he had a good reason for it.

But now he would have to convince his Dad that he did have a good reason to go back, even though Karofsky was still there.

And he was going to have to tell Blaine.

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