I Don't Know!
Chap 9
A/n: OMG!!!!! My b'day is in a month!!!!!
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They've given me so many drugs, I hope I don't die on them. At least they're letting me out. I haven't told Zoey or anyone else that I'm going to die and Warren's going to keep quiet for a while, so I can tell them in my own time I'm pregnant again. Logan sits in my room, whilst I change in the bathroom. 'The bearer of bad news' as Logan calls the nurse, helps me change. I'm feeling stronger, but every time I feel better I remember my fate.
Xx
I'm dressed and sitting in the back of Logan's limo. He sits with me. I cuddled into him. I feel safe, for a while. I feel loved. I fall asleep.
Xx
Logan shakes my shoulders. I hold my head. He quickly cradles it. I sit up slowly in the black leather seats and look out the black tinted windows. The PCA campus spreads to each side of me. I missed it, when I was in hospital. The shops, the restaurants, the grass, the fresh air and most of all the freedom. In nine months time I will yet again be deprived of all of this. It aches inside to think about it. Logan thinks I'm brave. He doesn't know how I feel inside, he doesn't know that I'm worried about dying, I'm worried about him, Tasha and my baby. What if we both die? Then all of this would be for nothing. What if Logan can't handle it? Then both my babies will be taken back to France. What if I live and my baby dies? Then I can't live anymore.
Xx
I'm in my dorm. I'm resting against the wall. I feel sore. Tasha can sense something is up. She knows it's something bad. She steers clear of me and stays with Zoey. It hurts me on the inside to think that my lil' girl doesn't want to be near me. Logan's at basketball practise. If I weren't pregnant with this stupid bleed I would go and whip his ass, metaphorically of course. I could totally beat him still. I could before I had Tasha, I could when I was with Logan, I could when I was with Warren, who's to say I can't now? I'm going to.
Xx
I change into my shorts and tank-top and head down to the basketball court. People stare at me. They know who I am and they know I've been in hospital, it also doesn't help that I've got this head support thing. I make my way down to the court. Logan drops his ball and runs to me.
"What are you doing here?" he asks worriedly.
"I've come to practise." I roll my eyes.
"Should you be?"
"I have to live, if I'm going to die!"
"Take it easy, then."
"I can do what I want!"
"Please, Dana?"
"Fine..."
I play alongside Logan. I am winning, big surprise. I don't think he's actually trying, but oh well, at least I can rub it in his face afterwards. Tasha comes and watches. I can see her eyes light up. I feel free. Zoey's here too. She's watching me really weirdly. I think she knows something, which thing, I don't know, but she knows something about me. I carry on playing, winning against Logan. No-one else matters, just him and me, battling out.
Xx
That was fun. I won, no surprise. We're all now sitting in the girls' lounge. It's comfortable and relaxing and it's an added bonus that I don't have to count tiles. Logan has his arm round me and Tasha sits my other side on the edge of the couch. We're watching The Little Mermaid or some trash like that, but for Tasha's sake I pretend I like it. I think Zoey and Nicole like it more than her though. They sing all the songs, Tasha sings them in French. God, if I hear 'Kiss The Girl' again in French or English I will scream. Ashley Tisdale does wonders to that song, if it weren't for her, we'd still have that crab, Sebastien stuck in our heads. We're at the end, where Ariel finally marries the prince. As soon as it finishes. Nicole quickly flips the discs. Now we're watching The Little Mermaid 2: Return To The Sea. Could this get any worse? Apparently it can! Julie, Andrea and Warren just walked in. He turns to leave realising Logan and I were there. Andrea grabs his sleeve and pulls him onto the couch directly behind, that's facing in the opposite direction. I know she's kissing him, I know she's trying to rub it in my face. Logan turns cold, I stay loose to show him I'm alright and relaxed, but really I'm not. SHE's there. Julie. I'm going to die and it's all HER fault. I suppose I could not die, but then I will hate her because SHE'd have killed my baby. I hate HER. It's just occurred to me, this is all HER fault. SHE's ruined my life. SHE's ended my life. I get up and walk out.
Xx
I sit in my dorm. I cry. My red quilt is soaked with my tears. The door is locked. I feel my head throb and my vision blurs. I fall backwards on the bed and fall asleep, clutching my quilt.
Xx
I wake up in the morning and belt down the hall to the bathroom. I missed the days of morning sickness, psych.
Xx
Tasha's still asleep, but I've got class. I change as she semi-sleeps. HER and Andrea watch me as I dress Tasha. It's as if the slut and HER have never seen a little girl being dressed before. I change my self and take Tasha to Dean Rivers office. She would spend the day there. The plan was for her to stay in the art department all day, but Miss Kasey is off today, so it's not a good idea to leave her with the subs.
"Miss you, Dana." she whispers as I hug her goodbye.
"I'll miss you too." I sigh, I hug her hard.
I walk out the door. I know Dean Rivers is shaking his head with that stern look on his face, but I don't care. I'm going to live a life, until I die in around nine months. Tasha waves and clutches her Sasha Bratz doll, I wave back happily.
Xx
We've got this stupid assignment in Health. We've got to look after a robot baby. How lame is that? I've already had a kid, and I've got another one on the way, that sounds really slutty, why would I need to learn from a robot. Tell me the truth am I a slut? I need to know if I'm a slut, like Andrea. Now that would be bad. Logan's my partner for this stupid task. Two weeks we've got to look after this awful robot baby, together. At least he loves me. Zoey's with Chase, no surprise there, he probably broke into the classroom to make it like that, Nicole is with this guy she fancies, big time, not, Luc, Michael's with Vanessa, Chase probably rigged that up for him, Warren's with Andrea and SHE's with some poor guy named Craig. Why do we have to look after a robot? Stupid Warren, he made me sign up for this class in the first place. Now I have to look after a robot baby when I will never get to look after my own. Logan and Warren keep looking at me nervously. I think Warren knows he's not to have anything to do with me, but I suppose it is his baby. Maybe, just maybe, if he does well in this class I'll let him see his own, when it's born. Now we're getting a lecture about this stupid, ugly doll. Next thing I know I'm slamming the doll down and storming out the room.
Xx
I walk down the path, to the fountain, I'm going to be expelled, I just know it. I suppose Dean Rivers will understand when I tell him why I'm doing it. I suppose I should go back and explain, I'm under stress. I should go back and tell them I know I've been an ass. I turn back and Warren's there.
"What the HELL are you doing here?" I scream.
"I was sent to check on you." Warren whispers.
"Why you? Why not Logan? Why not Zoey?" I shout.
"I don't know." Warren sighs.
A/n: And...REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!