Just for Tonight by Marcia Gaines
Chapter Two
Myka climbed the stairs to her room. With each footfall she filtered through a list of books in her mind until she finally settled on her selection for the night. This night it would be "A Time Machine". It was one of her most favorite stories, and every time she read from it she felt a connection to Helena.
She opened the door to her room and paused. The light was on. She remembered turning it off before going downstairs, which meant someone had been in her room and might still be there. She reached for her gun and silently swore. She wasn't wearing it. As she edged the door open she heard a voice.
"Myka," it said with what sounded like relief. It could not be, thought Myka. That voice. It sounded just like Helena. She threw the door open and her mouth fell open at the sight of H.G. Wells sitting near the window. "Myka, I am so very glad to see you." Helena's face was filled with a smile as she rose. Myka stood speechless in the doorway and stared expressionless into the room.
Helena G. Wells placed her hands in her pockets and looked at Myka. She was dressed just as she had been the last time Myka saw her, and had the slightest of an abrasion near her throat. Myka nearly forgot the brief encounter with the pulley rope from the Mary Celeste. Just minutes after that entanglement Myka watched H.G. sacrifice herself to save Pete, Artie, and her from the explosion that took the Warehouse. It broke Myka's heart when it happened, and she never thought she would recover from that loss. Yet here she was, as unblemished as she was before the catastrophe and smiling.
"How?" was all she could muster. The questioning look she gave asked the rest.
"I have no idea," responded Helena. "One moment I smelled apples, and the next I was here." She swept her arm around as looked about the room. "Tell me, what happened? Did the barrier hold?" She asked with a focused look. Myka only nodded in response. "Good." She said with a satisfied tone. "I didn't know if the barrier would last. I am pleased to know it did. Everyone is alright, yes? That's what mattered." Helena's piercing gaze mesmerized Myka who merely stared back silently. "You are… alright, Myka?" Helena moved forward, concern shadowing her face.
"Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Are you?" Myka replied. Helena's face relaxed.
"Quite alright. Never better, in fact." Helena smiled.
"You're… really here?" Myka inquired.
"Yes. I'm here." She said with a nod.
"Not a hologram?" Myka asked hesitantly.
Helena shook her head as she answered, "No. Not a hologram." She stood just before Myka and reached out to touch her. Myka's eyes fell to her left wrist where Helena's hand encircled it with a gentle pull. Definitely real, she thought. She looked up to see Helena's eyes gazing into her own. Myka smiled broadly and stepped into the room closing the door behind her.
"I can't believe you're here. How are you here? How long have you been back?" Myka's questions tumbled out of her with evident excitement. She grasped Helena's hands and held them tightly as her face lit up. Helena laughed and raised her eyebrows. She tilted her head at Myka with a sly grin.
"I'm thankful to be here, too, Myka." She said. She let herself drink in Myka's face. She was positively gorgeous, she thought.
"Sorry. I…I just… I…" Myka stammered and shifted her feet as she turned away blushing. Helena gently turned her around and ducked to meet Myka's downward eyes.
"It's okay, darling. I know." She said encouragingly. Everything Myka felt showed on her face. It always did. Helena pushed the hair back from Myka's face. "I know it was upsetting to go through what you did. In some ways I suppose I was the lucky one in all that."
Myka locked eyes with her. Clearly Helena had no idea what it did to her to watch her die in that explosion. It felt like a part of her died with Helena. "Lucky. Lucky? You died, Helena! You died three months ago!" exclaimed Myka.
Helena stood up straight as she took in the news. That explained why Myka looked like she was talking to a ghost. It also explained the pain she saw hidden behind Myka's eyes which were brimming with tears. She knew what that look meant, and silently concluded she would say nothing about it. "Right then." She said, and tried to lighten the tension. "Well, I always did hope to go out in a blaze of glory." She looked around, "And, I suppose for an afterlife one could do worse." Myka did not laugh. She found nothing humorous about that day. "Hm." Helena uttered thoughtfully. Apparently joking would have to wait.
Myka's head swam with the impossibility of Helena being there. Tears spilled from her eyes and she wiped them away. Three months of anguish. Three months of loss. She should be brimming with happiness right now, but all she could feel was anger – anger at Helena for the choice she made. Yes, Helena sacrificed herself to save the team, but she did it without discussion. That it was so easy for her to leave her behind without thinking hurt Myka in ways she did not have words to express.
She did not have to have the words, however, which she quickly discovered when she felt Helena's arms wrap around her shoulders. Helena pulled her in gently and hugged her. The tears flowed freely from Myka's eyes as she leaned in and returned the embrace. It felt so good to touch her, to smell her perfume, to feel her warmth. Myka trembled. Helena hugged her tighter and stroked the back of her hair as she slowly rocked her side to side. "Shh… it's okay, darling, I'm here." She said. The sound of her voice seemed so distant despite being right in her ear. The British accent with which Helena spoke always calmed Myka and it was having the predictable effect even as her body shook with emotion.
They stood together swaying slowly, until Helena's soothing voice and the rocking motion helped Myka's tears subside. Helena moved to pull away and invoked an involuntary response from Myka, who gripped her tightly and would not let her go. Holding Helena like that felt like being home, and proved to be the one and only way in all the time since they lost the Warehouse where it felt okay to let her emotions show. She could not imagine letting anyone else see her so vulnerable.
Without thinking Myka closed her eyes and laid her head to rest against Helena's shoulder, with her face buried in the nape of her neck. She felt the chain of the locket which once again hung from Helena's neck. All was as it should be, thought Myka. How could something so simple feel so comfortable, she thought to herself, and nuzzled Helena's skin with her nose. She could not help but notice Helena's pulse quicken. She pondered for a moment and the realization set her own heart pounding.
Yes. This. This is what she wanted. This was who she wanted. This was who she loved, she thought and her heart surged. Yes, she loved H.G. Wells. If she had any doubts about her feelings they dissipated in that instant. But what did that really mean? What was she supposed to do with that acknowledgment? Could she do this? Did Helena even feel the same way?
Just because Helena commented once with an implication she may have had trysts with women from her past did not mean she still lived such a life, nor that she harbored any such feelings for Myka. That comment marked the first time Myka ever thought about kissing another woman. It was hard not to think of it when spending so much time with such an amazing and beautiful woman. She never let herself dwell on the fantasy, and usually dismissed it as a natural thought prompted by proximity to someone so wonderful, until the day she lost Helena in the explosion. From that day forward, Myka's thoughts were constantly filled with memories of her time with Helena. Her face. Her laugh. The way her eyes twinkled when she discovered something new. Helena's brilliance had captivated her, and she still never ceased to be amazed at every inkling of the underlying way in which Helena's deductive reasoning powers worked. The woman was as much a genius as she was a timeless beauty.
Myka opened her eyes and stared at Helena's neck as she parsed through the possibilities. She kept waiting for the moment where she talked herself out of her thoughts, but instead she found herself locking such arguments away. She could work through all of that another day. Right now Helena was here, and she did not want to lose a single moment with her. She stirred slightly and nuzzled in closer as her imagination drifted to images of kissing Helena. The thought made her knees feel weak, and her breathing grew shallow as her mind raced.
Helena froze. Feeling Myka so close with such intimate, yet innocent, contact was the last thing she expected. She dared not move lest she betray her own desires, and inadvertently create an uncomfortable situation. It did not matter how much she cared for this woman, she thought. Myka deserved to live an uncomplicated life with someone who offered normalcy and stability, and Helena knew she could never give her that. This would remain just a beautiful moment between them.
They became such fast friends, and were so much alike – and with so little effort they established a bond unlike any she had since before her daughter, Christina, was born. Somewhere along the way, the Warehouse agent became the most important thing in her life. Left alone to her own private thoughts, she spent more than a century thinking through plans for the world should she ever find herself in it again. When James McPhereson released her from captivity, she set all that planning into motion. So much time spent focused on nothing but forcing a new start for civilization left her ill-prepared for the moment Myka placed herself at gunpoint, with nothing but trust in Helena to keep her alive. In that moment, as Helena looked into Myka's eyes and listened to her friend demand her to take her life, she knew she could not pull the trigger. Though she had taken numerous lives on her path to that event, it was Myka, and Myka alone who wielded the kind of emotional power that took her to her knees. There was no use in denying it - Helena knew this woman owned her, and she found herself surprisingly happy with the notion.
Despite the sudden realization the attraction was mutual; she long ago knew never to assume an attraction necessarily meant desire or intention. So she stood, motionless, holding her breath. The only sound she could hear was the pounding of her own heart. When Myka's left-hand slowly pulled away and came up to stroke the side of Helena's face, it caused Helena a reflexively sharp inhale of breath.
The sound of that breath gave Myka all the confirmation she needed. Helena definitely shared her feelings. The thought of it made her head swim. She slowly raised her head, never moving more than an inch away from Helena's face. She brought her thumb to Helena's lips and gingerly traced them. They were full and luscious, and parted slightly at her touch. A shiver went through Myka.
Before she could stop herself she cupped Helena's face and leaned into her. She touched her lips to Helena's with such tenderness it brought tears to Helena's eyes, and as she closed them the room seemed to spin. Helena dropped her arms and pressed her hands against the small of Myka's back. Myka moved even closer in response, and brought both hands to cup Helena's face as she kissed her with more intensity.
Their lips parted, and Helena's tongue gently searched out Myka's. As they entwined, the weakness in Myka's legs won out and if not for Helena's quick response would have buckled completely. Instead, Helena held her and continued to kiss her as she guided Myka's steps until they came to a stop against the wall behind Myka. The moment she felt Myka's body stop moving, she broke the kiss and moved her mouth to Myka's neck, eliciting an almost inaudible moan. A brief smile touched the corners of Helena's mouth at the sound, and she began kissing just below Myka's left ear down to the nape of her neck and back. Her hands slipped under Myka's shirt and gently caressed her back and waist.
Myka lunged forward at Helena's touch. The convulsion happened so quickly she could not stop it – an unexpected response to the feel of her hands on her bare skin. She felt like she was on fire. Kissing Helena was everything she thought it would be, but she was not prepared for how it would feel to be touched by her. Every nerve in her body seemed to pulse with electricity, and all rational thought was gone. She was driven by nothing but pure emotion. Either she had to surrender to her love, or step back from the line they were about to cross.
Helena's hands began to roam, and Myka's body jolted at the sensation Helena's fingertips left as they brushed against her breast. Myka's head fell forward to rest on Helena's shoulder. Soft noises escaped her with every caress. She ran her fingers through the back of Helena's hair pulling her in, and gasped as Helena instinctively responded in kind by pressing into her with enough pressure to pin her motionless against the wall as she applied harder, rougher, more-insistent kisses against the hollow of her neck.
In a fleeting moment she realized whatever semblance of control she thought she could have with Helena would never truly exist, and for the second time that night she trembled in Helena's arms. Helena sensed the hesitation, but misread the reason for it thinking it was objection. She pulled away and took a step back, but kept her hands on Myka's waist a moment longer before finally releasing her. She swallowed hard and apologized.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" she started, but Myka cut her off.
"You didn't. I was the one who kissed you." She said. They stared at each other briefly. "I've wanted to do that for so long, and I'm not sorry." Myka's eyes moved back and forth into Helena's as she desperately searched Helena's face. Was she wrong? Did Helena not want this crossing of boundaries? Helena considered Myka's words before responding.
"Myka… maybe we shouldn't do this." she began.
"H.G." Myka said with an objecting tone.
Helena looked at her and averted her eyes as she spoke. She paused and chose her words carefully, "Some things we do can never be undone. This… this would change things between us. You do realize that?"
"Of course it will change things. Why wouldn't it?" she asked rhetorically. "This is what I want – you are who I want."
Helena turned her head slightly, temporarily averting her gaze, so she could speak from some far-away place in her mind. "Do not say such things lightly, Myka." She ran both hands through her hair before placing them in her pockets. "I am not a good person. You deserve so much more than someone like me. The things I've done…" her voice trailed off.
"Stop it!" Myka said emphatically. "Stop doing that. I told you already, I believed in you. I still do." She took a small step forward and placed a hand on Helena's shoulder. "I still do," she repeated. "And I am still right. You are a good person, Helena. Yes, you've made mistakes… big mistakes, granted… but, you never wanted to hurt people. You just wanted to stop your own pain. I understand that. We all understand that. That doesn't make you a bad person." Myka's face took on that sure and confident look Helena remembered from their first meeting in her old London home.
That was when Helena first felt some sort of connection between the two of them, even daring to "accidentally" caress the back of Myka's hand while being handcuffed to a chair. She could not help but smile at the memory. It seemed so long ago, and so much happened since then. Myka shook her gently for emphasis, rousing her from her thoughts.
"Myka," replied Helena, "you always think the best of me. Were I a different person, I might forget how unearned your faith and admiration really are." She reached up and took Myka's hand from her shoulder, but held it gently and did not let go as she spoke. "Be that as it may, on this matter of where we stand with one another… we can let the kiss we shared be as far as we let this go." Before Myka could object Helena continued, "Or… we could cross this boundary and in some short period of time, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week we find ourselves unable to continue our friendship because you come to the realization this is not who you are." Myka's face clouded, but Helena kept talking. "And, you would be right, you know. This is not who you are and your family and friends would know that. And I have so long been without a true and good friend, I am not quite sure I could recover properly should our friendship suffer greatly."
"Helena…" Myka looked intently into the other woman's face. The dark eyes gazing back at her were darker for the sadness they revealed, and Myka's emotion spilled out of her. "Helena, we're such good friends because we're so alike. You know this. And that means you should also know that "who I am" is who I am – and that means I can keep or cross whatever boundaries I want to and right now I don't really give a damn what my family or my friends think about it because they don't understand me the way you do." She was so emphatic Helena raised her eyebrows. "Helena, all that matters to me right now is you. This. Us." She lowered her voice and spoke more gently, "Helena, I care for you!" The words hung in the air like a reverberating echo speaking through the silence.
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