This was the same yogurt shop Blaine and Quinn were in, Kurt thought rather benevolently for his situation.
He grabbed a large cup and filled it with strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate yogurt. Neapolitan, he thought sadly, Nea, neo, new. New things. Change.
It really wasn't that bad of a situation, he told himself. Sure, Blaine was straight, Quinn was furious and probably ready to disown him, and he had to deal with the implications of letting himself harbor this stupid crush. A crush, what even? I don't have crushes. Or fall in love.
And now he was probably also going to have to deal with the fallout of his reputation too. He confessed his damn feelings for Blaine, and now he was going to be expected to carry them out, or at least try. If he kept this bottled up he could probably keep this entire persona he had created completely intact, but he had gone and spewed them out, and now he had no choice but to talk to Blaine about it, and if in some chance in dear God's heaven he had any hint of reciprocation Kurt would be forced to do something about it. Which would mean letting him know the real him. Which would mean deconstructing his bad boy reputation. Which then meant danger.
He was so stupidly gay, he thought bitterly. If I wasn't gay, I wouldn't have to have put on this show, wouldn't have had to hide myself from the world, wouldn't have to worry about any repercussions, because there wouldn't be any.
And, let's say he humored himself and let himself believe Blaine could ever like him back. That meant Blaine would have to weigh him against coming out, if he had been using his sister as a beard, which it sure didn't look like. But he couldn't help himself from hoping… just like he had any other time he had had a crush on a straight guy… couldn't keep himself from hoping that maybe Blaine really was gay… maybe Blaine could be his first "love" to mean something to him. He had plenty of boys at his fingertips, really, plenty he could manipulate and use to null the pain if he wanted to, his reputation could get him that, but he suddenly didn't want to do that anymore. Suddenly this entire thing was looking even more thoughtless and idiotic.
Blaine's head felt like static.
His thoughts swam around in his mind, flopping and thrashing the insides of his skull in a desperate attempt to get out. He sipped his coffee quietly, studying the old couple at the table in front of him. They looked comfortable. They looked comfortable and calm and not at all like the storm raging in his head. He wondered if he could ever be like that in a relationship one day.
Which brought him back to his current situation.
What exactly was Kurt? He figured that was a good place to start. Kurt was abrasive. He was lewd and blunt and totally not his type because he was overly sensual and brash and rude. But his rudeness was something that he felt a little at home with. He was used to it in the weird way that he was used to Rachel being loud and obnoxious and self-serving, but in the best way possible.
What was Quinn? Their relationship had been something seemingly out of the fairytales, Charming and Snow White frolicking out into the sunset with their arms slung around each other and a laugh bubbling from their lips. Quinn used to talk about how she wondered what happened after the big happily ever after, if it really was happily ever after anyways. What if someone came to seek vengeance on Snow White and Charming? What if Cinderella had stepped on something sharp the day the Prince came around, so she couldn't have participated in the shoe fittings? What if Belle's love suddenly changed back into beast?
And really, Blaine thought, their relationship was far from perfect. Quinn had a wall that was near impossible to take down, and sure, their relationship had felt like they were in love, and he had firmly believed that until a few days ago, but who was he to know what love was anyways? He thought he was in love with her. Was he?
How could he go from thinking he was in love with Quinn, to liking boys? He couldn't quite trace that turn of events either. What was it about Kurt… what was it about his skin, face, smile, laugh, everything that was so authentically the annoying but intriguing Kurt he had come to know, that appealed to him? How did he know if this was love, or anything of that sort?
It was the all boys boarding school, he joked to himself.
What would he have done if Kurt had shown up last year in Dalton Academy, stripped of his fashionable defenses and nothing but himself? Would Blaine had seen him differently then? Did it even matter, really?
Blaine felt exhausted. Really, really, mentally exhausted, and it was all because of Kurt. To come to think of it, it was always because of Kurt.
"But Blaine, I never, ever, thought he would cheat on me! I was almost 100% positive; I trusted him! I gave him my heart and he just smashed it to smithereens."
Blaine stroked her hair. "Rach, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."
"What did he think he was doing? Am I not interesting enough? Compelling enough? Pretty enough? I'm not pretty like Quinn, I know."
"Shhh," Blaine shushed her. "You are just as pretty, and are even prettier even, than Quinn."
"Oh wait," she stiffened under his mechanical stroking, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry. I didn't mean to mention her; you're still getting over her, I know and I'm stupid to mention her; I'm so sorry."
"But I just know that's the reason! It has to be! I know I can be a pretty horrible person-"
"-You're a great person," Blaine interrupted.
"-but I… who am I kidding, I don't really deserve him, maybe it's best that he cheated on me. I can write plenty of songs about this that will one day turn into multi-platinum best selling hits and albums and then I will become famous, famous enough that I will have a fan base to which I can dictate my story of lost love and heartbreak, but ultimately how I overcame the situation and how they can too; they have the ingenious Rachel gold star of approval that it's possible if only you reach for your dreams..."
He laughed.
"Oh, Rach, I know I should hate you because you're my older sister and you should be the epitome of the devil incarnate sent to torture me on Earth-"
"-How do you know I'm not a fallen angel?" She winked.
"Very funny, Rachel. But as I was attempting to say, I don't. And I will definitely be the first one to stand in line at fan meet n' greets and hand you a picture of yourself posing against a bright background with a huge gold star behind you for you to sign."
"And I will be the first in line to get my baby brother's autograph when he becomes the music industry's new rising star."
"Baby brother, Rachel? Really?"
"Oh, you know it's true; you have the personality of a six year old high on candy canes and lollipops."
"I," he paused, "can't deny that."
"Exactly. And tell you, what Mr. Blainers-"
"-Rachel."
"-I am going to help you with Kurt."
"… Kurt?"
"Stop acting like you aren't totally in love with him, Blaine."
"… I can't deny that I don't think about him often…"
"What is your plan?"
"Plan? Rachel, why would I have a plan? I'm still trying to figure out what this even really is!"
"It's a crush, Blaine. Say it with me, a crush."
"Are you not the least perturbed with my sudden fascination with boys, at all?"
"You're confused," Rachel nodded emphatically.
"Of course I am! How does this even happen? Especially to someone like me, who had this all figured out?"
She started nodding more vigorously. "It's denial, that's my official diagnosis."
"Denial of what?"
"Look, Blaine, I love you and all, but I saw this coming a long time ago. And don't get me wrong I completely support you if you decide you aren't in love with Kurt-"
"-in love? Who's talking about love?"
"-but there was definitely something there between you guys, even if you didn't know it. And if you're struggling to come out, it's okay, I'm here to help you."
"But why didn't I know? Did everyone else look at me and think, gay?"
"No, Blaine, of course not! In fact, I know you had to fend off several suitors while you were dating Quinn." She winked.
"Wait. Tell me what you saw between me and Kurt."
"You always pull the I'm extremely annoyed but I have to put up with you because you are my girlfriend's brother and please do not scar me or my innocence face whenever he's around, but your eyes always say something different."
"You know," she continued a few moments later, "the eyes are supposedly the gateway to the soul."
"Rachel, why are you here?"
"I need to talk to you," Rachel started quietly, taking in Quinn in the stage lights, at the piano.
"You know, looking at you up there, it's almost like you belong there. You deserve a spotlight once in a while."
"And I repeat, Rachel, why are you here?"
She sighed. "I am probably going to get punched for bringing this up, but… Blaine."
Quinn's face hardened.
"What about him?"
"I just need to ask you something. Do you… do you notice…. how confused he's been lately?"
"I'm not dating him anymore, Rachel."
"I know; you're dating Finn."
The echo from her foot stamping on the stage echoed through the silence. She listened to the sound quietly for a moment before walking off the stage and towards Rachel.
"Rachel, if you came here to demean me for taking your boyfriend, you might as well leave now, because I am not going to listen to a word you say."
She looked down at the ground. "No, I didn't come here to talk about that. I just need to know that you still care about him. You do, right?"
"Of course I do."
"Then you care about his happiness? Even if it's not with you?"
"Ye-Yes. Of course."
"Could you say hi to Kurt for me? Ask him how he's feeling right now?"
"Sure, but why…?"
"Because Kurt and Blaine both have really confusing feelings right now and don't know how to deal with them. We're their sisters, we need to help them!"
"And why would I do anything for you or Blaine? He broke my heart."
She laughed, like it was so obvious.
"Quinn. Quinn, you're beautiful. I know people probably tell you that a lot, but not just in how you look, in how you are. Someday you're going to find the one. I don't know who it is yet, but maybe he's just not here in this petty town. But I do know he's out there somewhere, and you're definitely going to find him. Don't give up hope yet, Quinn."
"Thanks, Rachel," she said, for once feeling sincere about it. She swung herself back up on the stage and took a seat, rocking her legs back and forth.
"No problem. I mean it."