Just for Tonight by Marcia Gaines
Chapter Three
Helena stared long and hard at Myka. "You... care... for me," she said haltingly.
"Helena, all I know right now is how happy you make me feel. You don't know what it was like without you." She paced back and forth as she spoke, and Helena watched her as she gestured. "I don't know when it happened, I just know that once I lost you I wish I'd told you sooner," she explained. She meant it, too. During their conversation she thought about how she felt when Helena chose to sacrifice her consciousness to save the Warehouse and Emily Lake. Their teary goodbye left her hurting, but her heart soared when she found out the Janus coin was not destroyed. She would rather have dealt with whatever that Sykes maniac was trying to do than to lose the one person with whom she felt so close a connection. But her happiness was short-lived, and that final sacrifice three months ago left her with so much pain she knew she did not want to live her life having never given the two of them a chance to be together. "And now that you're here, Helena… I don't want one more day to go by without saying it. These last few months taught me something," she said as she frowned and lowered her gaze. "We never know how much time we're going to get with someone. Trying to pretend something doesn't exist when it does," she pointed at Helena and at herself before continuing, "doesn't change the fact that it does exist." She stopped pacing and stared at the floor. "We exist, Helena, and we have no way to know how long that will be true. So, right now, yes – I… I want you to know how I feel. I want you to know," her voice fell to nearly a whisper, "I love you."
Minutes went by before Helena found her voice. Her thoughts reeled with the confession, and she knew Myka was right to speak her feelings. It was something they both should have done long ago. "Myka, I do love you, too, you know. I always have. I suspect you never knew, however." She gave a weak smile and continued, "But, you know it is virtually impossible the Regents will allow me to live a normal life. We aren't likely to ever have more than what this is between us right here." Helena spoke slowly. Her brow was furrowed and she swept her hands through her hair as she finished her point.
Myka nodded and said, "Yes, you're probably right. But we're here right now. And if all we ever have is this moment, then I would rather have it than never have it at all." Myka took Helena's other hand and held both of them up to her face. She placed a single gentle kiss on them and said, "Just for tonight, Helena. Just for tonight, let us not be Warehouse agents or victims of artifacts. Just for tonight, let us be two people who love each other who don't have to worry about tomorrow." Myka placed Helena's hands around her waist and placed her own around Helena's. "Just for tonight, Helena, even if it is all we ever have." She leaned in and kissed her.
This time they took their time and let their kiss linger. They relished the taste of their kiss, and they succumbed to the sensations each brought to the other. They moved slower but with unmistakable intention now that the air between them was cleared, but even that did not prevent Myka's nervousness from showing. Helena could feel the trembling start again, and she grew concerned. She wanted Myka desperately, but she wanted Myka's own comfort more than anything else. She pulled back from the kissing and caressing and looked into Myka's eyes.
"Are you alright, dearest?" she asked as she placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Myka's nose
"Yes. Yes, I'm fine… I'm just…" Myka turned her head as she felt her cheeks flush. Helena saw the red hue and smiled.
"You're nervous, yes?" Her voice took on an even more soothing tone than usual. When Myka nodded in response she continued, "It's perfectly normal to be nervous." Though they never discussed it in all their time as friends, their exchange a few minutes ago brought Helena to the conclusion Myka likely never had been with another woman. Her nervousness was not just about being with a new lover, but also because that lover happened to be a woman. Neither woman was used to ceding control to others, but Helena resolved to let Myka be the one to set their pace. Whether they moved forward or spent the night just holding each other would be out of her hands.
"Come," she said and held out her hand. Myka looked at it then reached out and took it in her own. Helena gently pulled her and headed toward the bed. They sat together and Helena kissed Myka lightly before whispering in her ear, "we'll take this as fast or as slow as you need. I have no expectations other than to spend the night with the woman I love." She kissed her again and sat back with a smile.
"Can we," Myka began, "… can we talk a little bit? Maybe lie down?" Helena's amused smile and raised eyebrows caused Myka to flush again. "That's, that's so not what I… Oh God, I just meant maybe we could lie down and cuddle or something!" she blurted.
Helena's amused look continued. "Or… something…" she teased.
Myka shot her a look and rolled her eyes. Helena laughed and pushed her backward so they were both lying on the bed. She gazed down into Myka's clouded face. "It's alright, love. I know what you meant. Yes, we may lie here and talk; all night if you'd like." Her voice was reassuring and Myka's face relaxed.
Hours later they still lay in the bed, with Myka's head on Helena's shoulder and her hand lazily caressing Helena's stomach. They laughed about old times and spoke of vacations they might plan for a future respite from Warehouse work, as well as other romantic notions. Myka no longer felt nervous or anxious. She was as happy as she ever could have imagined. She stopped talking long enough to consider the glorious woman next to her. As uncomfortable as she had been previously, she was just as comfortable now to the point of not being sure what the problem had even been. She watched Helena's animated face as she relayed stories from her days with Warehouse 12.
Myka focused so much on the lines of Helena's face, the contours of her cheekbones, the ever-present knowing smile that she hardly heard a word Helena said. She let her hand finish its current caress then nuzzled her head into Helena's neckline. She felt Helena lean her check against the top of her head and she smiled. Helena continued her story without pause, but came to an abrupt halt mid-sentence when Myka's hand slid under her shirt and began stroking her breast. The surprised gasp she emitted brought a smile to Myka's face. Her skin was intoxicatingly soft and felt so silken she could hardly stand it. Helena's breasts felt so different from her own, she finally understood why lovers always seemed so fascinated with them. She cupped Helena's breast with her right hand and gently ran her thumb over the protruding nipple. Helena shuddered in response. In unison their breathing became heavier as Myka propped herself up and leaned in for a kiss
Helena's moans became guttural as Myka's hands continued to knead her breast. Shivers radiated outward through her body and she felt her hips begin to move. She wrapped her arms around Myka's neck and slid her tongue along Myka's lower lip before taking it between her own lips with a gentle sucking gesture. She drew her left hand up and once again reached beneath Myka's shirt, but this time it was to caress her sides and unhook her bra strap. As it came unclasped she placed the flat of her palm against the newly exposed skin and slid her hand down Myka's back.
Myka's breathing was rapid and ragged as she felt Helena's hands move against her skin. Helena's tongue carefully sought hers out and sent Myka's head swimming. Her lips were lusciously soft, thought Myka. Her touch so gentle it raised goosebumps on her skin. Something so deeply sensual existed in this connection, though whether it was because it was a first experience or because of her own feelings she could not say. All she knew was she did not want it to stop. She brought her hand away from Helena's breast, ignoring the objecting sounds her lover emitted so she could unbutton Helena's blouse. She lifted herself up to remove the article of clothing and stared down at Helena's bare torso. She was perfect. Her skin was smooth and creamy in texture and revealed occasional freckle-type areas. Myka drank in her image and burned it into her memory.
Helena removed Myka's shirt and pulled Myka downward to kiss her neck again. Myka moaned and turned her face toward Helena to kiss her deeply. She felt Helena's hands move to her breasts and immediately pulled away to gasp for air. Helena's hand gingerly flitted across her nipples making Myka's body shudder with pleasure. Her body felt like an inferno was building within her, and her blood seemed ready to boil when she felt Helena's hips moving beneath her own. She slid her thigh between Helena's legs and pressed into Helena's rocking hips. Helena moaned her pleasure and they both began unbuttoning the other's jeans.
Myka's brain was ready to explode. Her desire filled her body with so much wanting she actually felt it in the pit of her stomach. She loved this goddess of a woman, and she was finally going to be able to express it in the one way she never hoped to dream. She frantically pulled at Helena's clothing, and when they were finally able to free themselves they clung, nude, to one another and let the sensation of skin against skin envelope them. It was pure heaven, she thought. Myka slowly took Helena's wrists and pinned them above the pillow as she kissed her way from Helena's mouth to the cleft just below her neck. Her skin tasted sweet, and smelled inviting. She ran her hands down Helena's sides and back up, letting her fingers gently trail the inside of her thighs. Helena's body reacted with slowly rocking hips again, and Myka lowered herself to kiss Helena's breast.
As she did so, Helena sucked in a breath the same moment Myka took her nipple in her mouth. She felt Myka's tongue slide over her and let out a loud moan. For someone with no experience with a woman, Myka did not seem to be inhibited. She reveled in what Myka was doing and reached beneath her to knead the flesh of Myka's breast while Myka suckled at her own. When she felt Myka's hand slip downward her body rose in expectation. Yes, she thought, she wanted to feel Myka's hand against her and she was rewarded a moment later when she felt Myka's fingers find their mark.
Myka began a slow and gentle motion with the palm of her hand against Helena's mound. "What can I do for you, Helena?" She asked the question while continuing her motion. Helena's eyes flitted open and she spoke with a slight hoarseness to her voice.
"Whatever you want to do," she gasped, "I'm enjoying everything you're doing so far."
Myka considered her words before responding. "I think what I want to do… what I really want to do, is be inside of you."
When Helena bit her lower lip at the sound of her words, Myka smiled. She let her fingers slip lower through the soft tufts of hair until she reached the folds of Helena's engorged labia where she sought out the source of the slick wetness that greeted her. When she reached the area she wanted she traced small circles against the outline of the opening before dipping two fingers inside. Helena convulsed so hard Myka had to hold her down in order to keep herself inside. She used long even strokes and very slowly twisted her hand from side to side exploring the warm enclosure as much as she could. This was what it was like to be inside a woman, she thought. She quickly found Helena responded most to one particular spot, so she focused her efforts there.
With her right hand she pressed her fingers upwards to the small area behind her pubic bone. The flesh there was softer and had a different texture than the surrounding walls. She pressed hard against it and bounced her fingers up and down until she found the right pressure and rhythm per Helena's vocalizations. Helena's moans drove Myka crazy. Never before had her touch elicited so much in another person, and the realization that she knew every single physical sensation Helena was experiencing gave her a sense of physical connection she never knew existed. She felt nearly drunk with the knowledge, and was determined to please her lover as much as possible. So far, she mimicked with Helena all the things she herself liked, and it appeared they shared even that in common.
"God, yes," moaned Helena. She rotated her hips in a circular motion in rhythm to Myka's hand. Myka was enraptured. She watched Helena's every move. "Harder," said Helena who moaned loudly when Myka complied. Helena's breathing was ragged now, and every exhalation came with a new vocalization. She pulled on Myka's shoulders to feel her closer to her body. Myka moved to lay her body on top of Helena's but the position was too awkward to continue what she was doing so she hesitated. Helena responded by moving Myka's hand – pulling her fingers out of her and sliding them to her swollen clitoris. Myka pressed her body against Helena and began moving her fingers in first a slow then rapid circular rhythm. She adjusted the speed and pressure in accordance with Helena's responses and lifted her head to watch her face as the orgasm hit.
Helena's mouth fell silently open and her body tensed. She gasped for air and then suddenly her entire body heaved itself against Myka. She dug her fingers into Myka's back and lifted herself up, burying her face in Myka's neck. As wave after wave hit her, the pleasure radiated outward to every area of her body and rolled like thunder until she finally collapsed back to the sheets completely breathless. Myka softened her touch but did not stop her motion until Helena reached down and pulled her hand away at the same time she nestled her head into Myka's shoulder. "Dear God," she said into Myka's shoulder, and she pulled away. She ran her hand through her hair and looked up into Myka's eyes. They stared at one another until Helena pulled Myka down and kissed her.
Myka kissed her hard and rolled to her back pulling Helena with her. She was positively dying for Helena's touch. Her need carried them through the evening as they continued to make love and revel in each other's bodies, sharing their thoughts and their love in every moment. Sometime in the early morning hours they finally slept, completely spent, and obliviously happy in one another's arms. Her dreams were fitful and she rested comfortably for the first time in months, nestled safely in the arms of her friend and lover.
When the Farnsworth blared into Myka's slumber she reached for it and shoved it under her pillow without opening her eyes. Not yet, she thought. She just wanted a little more time to snuggle with Helena before they had to confront the day. She reached over with her left hand to touch her, but found only emptiness in the bed. She turned and opened her eyes. She sat up and took in the space next to her. Empty. She looked around the room and took in the lack of clothing she expected to see strewn across the floor. She shifted her gaze to the desk. There she saw the open-faced locket. Her face fell as realization dawned. Helena had never been there. Myka dreamt the entire thing. She closed her eyes and put her hands over her face. It seemed so real, she thought. Then the familiar pain of Helena's loss hit her. She was really gone, and her dream was just a manifestation of all the feelings she never expressed when she had the chance.
Myka sighed and threw back the covers. She stood and walked to her bureau to grab her clothes for the day before hitting the shower and making her way to the temporary operations tent near where the Warehouse had stood. She thought of Helena and a tear fell from her eye despite the small smile she managed. Some day she hoped they would find a way to bring her back. She knew what she would do if that day ever came.
Page | 6