Annie stared silently at the ceiling, casting literal pleas to her brain to just shut down. Total nothingness would be a welcomed state versus the ridiculous types of thoughts that were currently consuming her. It had been four days since the incident between her and Jeff in the locked supply closet. Four days since she had announced to the group that she needed some time away, that she was going through some things and she just needed to figure them out.

Troy and Britta were vaguely supportive and seemed fine with the brief conversations they had with her between classes. Shirley sweetly inquired more than Annie would have preferred but she realized that she was only doing it out of the kindness of her heart. Pierce complained about it endlessly, adding that he was going to quit as well because he couldn't bare to be stuck with all of those insufferable people without her, she was his favorite after all. Abed was his usual self, all quiet perception. Annie was truthfully surprised that she hadn't heard about some random outburst of speculation from him regarding the goings-on behind those supply closet doors before he had opened them. She couldn't worry about it though.

She was distracted by other thoughts and other worries.

She wasn't really sure how Jeff was taking her absence from the group because she wasn't speaking to him. She figured it would be easier than trying to fake basic pleasantries when she went back and forth between wanting to ring his neck to wanting to beg him to open up to her. It was too tough a position to be in.

So she just acted like he didn't exist. And he didn't push it. He didn't try to impose himself on her. He kept his distance when they were in class. He never directly addressed her. But she was almost certain that she felt his eyes on her on more than one occasion. Although, she couldn't bring herself to return his glance, not even for verification sake. It seemed completely counterproductive.

But then again, so was obsessively thinking about it while it was happening. Or even worse, still thinking about it now as she lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. At least that particular thought had eclipsed her constantly replaying the memory of their kiss in the supply closet.

She was almost positive she had recalled it more times than she was willing to admit, even to herself. She had gone through those moments between them with agonizing scrutiny. Almost to the point where she could feel his stubble against her face, the way the tips of his fingers pressed so deliciously into her waist as he held her against him, the way his mouth so completely devoured hers.

She hadn't been prepared for it. She honestly hadn't seen it coming. If she had, she wondered, would that have made it's effect on her less palpable? It was unlikely.

It had been incredibly different from the first time they had kissed. Well, second time, really. But she was probably the only person who was counting so the actual number was inconsequential. That kiss had been a little over a year ago and that detail alone made him kissing her in the supply closet all the more impacting. The kiss outside of the transfer dance had been unexpected and wildly thrilling but the kiss four days ago had been downright debilitating. Every time the memory of it revisited her, she thought about how lucky she was that Abed had come in when he had. There was no telling what would have happened, or how he could have persuaded her to change her mind without even uttering a word.

Which was essentially what was causing the feeling of monumental frustration and borderline heartache that she was trying to dispel. She had been as mature as she could manage during the conversation, though an evident meltdown had been eminent until he managed to calmed her down. Only to completely destroy whatever semblance of restored ease when he grabbed and kissed her.

All she had wanted was an honest interpretation of their relationship from him and he couldn't even try to give it to her. All she had asked for was the truth about his feelings but he couldn't cop to them. All she wanted was a conversation between them where they were the topic and certain things were sorted out. But he was unwilling to comply. So when she decided to go through with taking a break from the group to sort out her own feelings, he completely shifted the power back into his favor by kissing her.

Sometimes she knew him too well. It hasn't been just an impulsive move because he couldn't help himself. He knew what it would do to her. How it would effect her. He knew that it would make her question taking a break. He had completely denounced her wishes in favor of his own. His selfishness cut her. She didn't understand certain aspects of him and she so desperately wanted to stop trying because there was no clarity in sight. Jeff Winger was a number of things; he was a convoluted albatross. She wanted so terribly to stop trying to make sense of him, to make sense of them.

She knew she would eventually go back to the group. She could only hope fervently that she could manage to do so with a level head and a lessened connection with this man who she probably had no business wanting. But in that moment she felt so far from that girl she so desperately needed to be.

She needed more time.

Annie pulled the covers over her head and squeezed her eyes shut.

Jeff hadn't been sleeping well for the past couple of days. He'd get to sleep only to wake up an hour or two later with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. But it was never a bad dream that awoke him. As a matter of fact, when he opened his eyes his mind was always completely blank. No remnants of images from dreams that might have awoken him. Just nothingness. And always upon him turning over and trying to get back to sleep was the eternal ticking of his brain.

Because what else are you going to do while trying to go back to sleep but think?

He thought about many different things. He thought about himself as a child, he thought about his mother. Which inevitably made him think about his father. What was it about a parental unit, no matter how available, present and loving one person was and how abusive, neglecting, and atrocious the other was, that made you think about the other instantaneously? He almost immediately blocked out thoughts of his parents and his mind trickled through other options. More mundane, insignificant thoughts.

He wasn't sure exactly how it happened but a couple minutes into his mental gymnastics, Annie's face popped into his head. He almost sighed at the unprovoked intrusion. She was the last thing he needed to be thinking about. Now or ever. But alas, her dainty, sweet face stayed at the forefront of his mind.

It bothered him on a really basic level that she had chosen to take a break from the group and named him, albeit privately of course, as the reason why. It's not that he could totally blame her. He could see how their completely undefined relationship would be taxing on her 20-year-old mindframe.

But what he didn't understand was himself, was his own actions. Why was it that he couldn't be the adult in the situation? How is it that he could publicly dissuade her one minute and then be making eyes at her the next. It was completely unfair and selfish. He was totally aware of that. But that didn't stop it from happening. Yes, he was vain to the hilt but it couldn't just be about the attention either. He got plenty of attention from plenty different women. But none of them were her. That reasoning alone was enough to jar him almost completely out of his bed.

He threw the covers off of him with more frustration than was necessary.

There was no way he could rationalize actually getting involved with Annie. She deserved so much more than the crap that he usually put women through. Like chasing their mutual friend for almost a year and then when said friend finally reciprocated intense feelings for him, he ran. And bumped into and proceeded to make out with Annie. Yeah, he was a real winner all around.

It wouldn't work. There was no way to justify their entanglement. She was young, and sweet and generous and so trusting of the good in people. The good in him was minimal, at best. Sure he'd gotten better over the past two and a half years but really, deep down, he was still the conniving, messed up, indifferent, self-involved person that he'd always been. Sure, his charm covered it up really well and he even had moments of genuine kindness but he didn't really think he was reformed in any way that truly mattered.

Not in any way that would protect this girl's poor heart if the two of them did get involved. No. What was he even thinking about? He couldn't really be considering it. No. There was no way.

It had only been four days of no Annie during study group and her lack of presence was felt abundantly. He wondered how long she planned on keeping this up. And it wasn't just about her not being in the study group (though a big part of it was, he caught himself glancing over at her empty chair next to Shirley more than twice), but it was the fact that she was intent on acting like he didn't even exist when they saw each other in the hall or when they were in class together. She was giving him the silent treatment and while such tactics wouldn't even phase him if someone else tried them, it really bothered and got under his skin that she was resorting to this.

And the fact that it bothered him to such a degree, bothered him.

He had been so ridiculously impulsive when he kissed her. He conjured up the recollection briefly and then promptly pushed it out of his mind. It had been the only thing he could think of to do when she was standing there so set in her ways about just leaving. She had been so set on taking this break to sort out her feelings. Why did they need sorting? They were not laundry. Why couldn't she just be like him and keep them buried and hidden deep down inside of herself? That way they would only surface arbitrarily in the form of glances that lasted too long or slight invasions of personal space.

Nothing too cataclysmic or overwhelming. Or so he thought, because apparently even those things start to register on a deeper level if they happen often enough.

Dealing with feelings was too messy, as far as he was concerned. People had to be held accountable and actions were taken into consideration. Words came back to bite you and you would inevitably end up hurting someone, or yourself. It was best to leave certain things unsaid. Especially when they had no business occurring in the first place.

All he knew was that this break thing had already lasted too long. She was his friend and he was hers. There was no reason why that couldn't continue. They would both just have to work harder at burying things deep inside. Which would keep Annie from wanting to have conversations that he was physically incapable of having and would keep him from accosting her with his mouth in locked supply closets.

Or something like that. Maybe.

Jeff did not sleep more than three hours that night.

Eight entire days had gone by without so much as a word uttered in Jeff's direction by Annie. So to say that she was serious about this, seemed to be the understatement of the year. She was dead set on etching him out of her life. Whether it was temporarily or permanently wasn't the problem, as far as Jeff was concerned. The fact that it was happening at all was.

Jeff watched her subtly through the blinds as she fingered through a book absentmindedly, her backpack slung haphazardly over one shoulder. That was an interesting irregular detail he noted. She always wore her backpack high up on her back, with both arms in completely. She'd often clutch the hanging straps in her hands by her sides.

This was the first time he'd even seen her in the study room in a little over a week, although it was empty because in was lunchtime for many. It was nice to see her there. In an element that she had once felt so comfortable in, so at home in. Yet she wasn't in that moment. She was completely alone. And seemed completely in her own head. Jeff would have bet good money that she wasn't even reading the words that were laid out on the pages of the book in her hand.

She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she didn't even hear him enter the study room until he lightly cleared his throat. Her startled reaction sprang throughout her body for a millisecond as she jumped a little, the textbook she held abruptly closed. Her eyes scanned him briefly before she looked down.

"Geez, you scared me..." Annie proclaimed, her accusatory tone seemed to add more offenses than merely startling her.

"Sorry," Jeff offered good-naturedly with a smile, he tried to catch her eyes but she wouldn't give in. "I thought that perhaps the sneak attack was my best option."

"Well I was just going..." Annie trailed off, looking around the study room. Their surroundings were silently rendering memories. There was a lot of history in that room. Maybe too much. "...I was just on my way out."

Annie assessed the amount of space between him, herself and the door. She'd have to walk directly past him to exit. Both he and the table were obstructing her pathway. Before he could get out a word of objection, she made a move to shuffle past him. Jeff seemed to completely anticipate her movement before she even had a chance to fully exhibit it. He made an abrupt step to the side bringing himself much closer to her. This move made his body a clear obstacle now, where it had only been a minor one at first. Annie's breath caught in her throat, as her movement halted immediately, she rocked back on her heels before taking a complete step back and putting more space between them. Her eyes flickered up to his face briefly, before focusing on something less evoking.

"Jeff..." Annie began, her voice came out like a wavering warning. "Please move out of my way."

"So I just get the full blown cold shoulder?" Jeff questioned, his voice was annoyingly even. No inflection. To her, he didn't even sound that hurt about it. "Really, Annie. I can't even get a 'hi', or anything?"

Annie bit the inside of her mouth, as her eyes focused on the spot above his left shoulder. She felt herself lightly wringing her hands and immediately stopped when she realized what she was doing. She couldn't allow him to frustrate and fluster her. She could do this. She needed to. In all reality she wasn't going to be able to completely ignore and avoid him forever. Annie cleared her throat and met his gaze directly, the look on her face a challenging one as she folded her arms curtly in front of her.

As if to say: I've got my guard up, I know all your tricks, tread carefully.

"Hi Jeff," Annie offered almost insincerely.

"Hi Annie," Jeff replied, the tone of his voice softened in an unmistakable way. Annie felt her stomach react accordingly and instantly tried with all her might to ignore it. Even the look on his face softened a tad, his mouth upturned and those adorable little crinkles started to form around his eyes. Annie forced herself to speak.

"How are you?" She managed to get out. She wasn't sure if that sounded like she was too interested, too concerned, as if she actually cared.

"Hmm, I've been better." He shrugged, studying her. She seemed really calm. He wondered if she actually was on the inside. Calm for her came with ebbs and flows, especially during situations she couldn't define or understand.

"Really, why is that?" Annie posed, her chin jutted out in a show of attitude. He hadn't missed its purpose.

"I've got this really good friend who's been completely ignoring me this past week," Jeff explained nonchalantly. "It's a real bummer."

"Hmm," Annie assessed, matching the tone in which the same sound came from him mouth moments earlier. "I'm sure you'll be over it in no time."

"Annie..." Jeff proclaimed. Half irritation, half hopeful plea.

"Are you sick?" Annie cut him off abruptly. Now that the initial shock of his physical presence had worn off she had actually allowed herself absorb him in his current state.

"What?" Jeff questioned confused. He halfway thought she was going to start taking cheap shots at his mental stability.

"Do you feel okay?" Annie posed the question a different way. She had no business even asking but her concern leapt from her chest through her throat before she could get a proper handle on it.

"Yeah, I feel fine." Jeff responded hesitantly, as if he was giving an answer to a trick question and wasn't sure if it was correct or not.

"Okay," Annie replied, she seemed satisfied enough with that answer. She shrugged briefly, as if to dismiss the entire inquiry. "You just don't look so good."

"Ah, I see. The old jab at the vanity." Jeff retorted after silently digesting what she had said.

"It actually wasn't a jab, as a matter of fact." Annie exclaimed defensively. "I was actually being sincere. But I can see how you might not have grasped that. What with your own inability to be sincere?"

There was the actual jab. What was odd about it was that it hurt him more than it should. More than he was prepared for. It made him think a second longer about how to even reply. He felt like he needed to apologize for every stupid thing he'd ever done or said to her.

But feeling and doing were not synonymous.

"I haven't been sleeping that well," He mumbled as a response to her earlier observation. He figured he must really look like hell in order for her to say anything at all. It was only lunchtime but that thought alone made him want to call it a day. If that had been her angle, his obsessive vanity, than she had definitely pushed a button. Well played.

Annie's eyes scanned him for a brief moment and when she realized she really didn't have anything to see in response to that nor should their conversation continue she thought about making a move to squeeze past him. As if reading her mind, Jeff put up his hands in a show of surrender.

"Wait," Jeff said, before she even attempted to move. "Can you just talk to me for a second?"

"I don't think so," Annie stated forcefully. "I don't have anything I want to say to you."

Jeff didn't have a verbal response for her but his facial expression caused her to continue on.

"You know what? I take that back," Annie replied, looking him directly in the eye. "I do have something I want to say to you. I've always realized you were a selfish person, and as you so eloquently pointed out to me some time ago, most of us are incredibly selfish. But how is it that you can be so selfish to try and manipulate me into staying in the study group by KISSING me? How does that even work? Please explain that to me."

Jeff stared at her as she took a breath, an intense, fiery look in her eyes.

"I know," He let out. Only to be railroaded with the raising sound of her voice once more. She was trying to keep it down but her frustration and built up resentment was starting to get the best of her.

"I mean, really? How does it work? I come to you like an adult, something that so many people have told me that I do not act like, to have a conversation. To just get everything out in the open. To actually deal with this. But you wouldn't even allow it to take place. Actually, I'm sorry. You did at first. You allowed me to stand there and have a conversation by myself while you made snide one-liners or sarcastic remarks as a deflection technique. You never contributed to the topic of conversation."

Jeff stood there listening. Taking in every word, not having a retort or a reason or a rationalization for his behavior. He just let her unload on him. Part of the reason was because she deserved to get it out and another part was because he was silently relishing the fact that she was even speaking to him at all. He had missed the sound of her voice.

"So not only could you not even give me an inch of meaningful conversation but you completely blindsided me by kissing me just to get me to shut up. So I would shut up and stay. So you could work me over just enough to where I would take what I was given, not ask any questions or demand clarification and still help you with your homework. It sucks for you that it didn't work, huh?"
"You're right," Jeff whispered once she had finished, he watched the way she was gently swaying on her feet. As if all the energy and emotions inside of her were threatening to spill out further. His back was facing the door and a good portion of the windows but he was fairly certain that a few people had probably stopped to watch them in the hall. "You are right. I shouldn't have kissed you. It was wrong of me. It was not the right thing to do and I am sorry."

Annie hadn't known what she expected him to say after she completely confessed all that was on her mind to him with such intensity. She didn't know what his response was going to be. Or how she would react to it. But hearing him say those words, which sounded sincere and which she actually did appreciate in the grand scheme of things, she couldn't help but feel supremely horrendous. Her hands started to tremble and her eyesight got peculiarly blurry. It didn't even occur to her what was happening until she felt wetness on her cheeks and the look on Jeff's face had completely changed.

Before she even realized her body was moving she had brushed past him, only to feel the tug of her arm as his hand instinctively latched onto it and she turned around to face him. Half of her wanted to bury herself in his arms and just bawl her eyes out, the other half wanted to knee him in the crotch.

"Let go of me," Annie instructed, her voice a messy combination of emotions and tears mixed together. Though what she wanted to say was: hold onto me, open up to me, be honest with me. She ran the back of her hand carelessly over her face, trying to discard already fallen tears and pulled her arm away just as he let it go.

"I'm sorry," Jeff exclaimed, he didn't know what to do and it was terrifying. He'd seen her cry plenty of times before but this was completely different. He felt out of control and wanted to do anything in his power to make it stop but he had no clue what that was. "I said I was sorry."

"Yeah, that is what you said," Annie responded, the sound of her voice sounded so strange in her own ears, her breathing was starting to sound labored as the tears just wouldn't cease. Her emotions were jumping off a sky high diving board into a 30 ft pool of ice cold water. "It's been over a year since we kissed the last time, it happened again and you're sorry."

"Annie..."

"Not sorry for how it happened or why it happened. Just sorry that it did."

"Annie, please stop crying."

"Oh, I will Jeff." Annie assured him and she took a deep breath, she had to get herself under control for fear that she may start hyperventilating. "I will eventually. I'll stop crying. And I'll stop feeling so much for you and this won't happen anymore. You won't have to be sorry or tip toe around dealing with your own feelings or anything like that. We'll just be able to be normal. I can't wait for that."

Before he could even respond she had turned on her heels and walked straight out of the study room faster than he'd ever seen her walk before, wiping her face with annoyance all the way until she was out of his sight.

He started to go after her, he'd taken two steps before something he couldn't even name stopped him. To say that he felt horrible didn't even begin to describe his feelings. He felt deplorable. He felt less than he had in a really long time. He rubbed his tired eyes as his head began to pound. A strange ache spread throughout his chest and he felt like he needed to sit down. He was instantly hit in the face with exactly why he had known all along that they could never really work out. He was already making her cry and breaking her heart and they weren't even together.

But that didn't stop him from having this intrinsic desire to go find her and make sure she was okay and to explain some things and to hold her hand.

Jeff's head hurt. The copious amounts of scotch he was consuming probably wasn't making it any better. He figured if he drank enough it would put him to sleep. But instead he was ruled with drunken thoughts instead of sober ones.

It had been three days since the situation in the study room where Annie had left crying and he had been left standing there ashamed and remorseful. Those feelings had only been amplified and other more draining feelings emerged as the last 72 hours wore on. Annie hadn't come to school at all the day after that, which was completely unlike her. The others made comments about her not being in class and Jeff offered no excuse or reasoning or compensation for their worry, he silently stared off into space into they were done talking about it.

Jeff sat, his long limbs strewn out on his couch as he stared at his phone. He had contemplated calling her several times but knew that she didn't want to talk to him. He'd downgraded to the idea of texting her but hadn't quite allowed himself to compose the message. He wanted to say things to her but he wasn't sure if he could get them out and though he prided himself on being articulate, he feared that what he would say wouldn't make sense or that she would interpret it wrong and he would only hurt her more than he already had. And he couldn't stand the thought of that.

Jeff fingered the buttons on his phone lightly as he ran through what it was exactly he was going to say. How was he going to appeal to her kindness and make this whole situation less miserable? He felt vaguely certain that he wouldn't be able to do it through a text message. But it was a start.

Jeff: We need to talk...

He typed it out quickly, adding the ellipsis for good measure. He hit send before he could falter and try to take it back. The more drawn out this entire thing was the harder it became, like a strong virus steadily expanding to healthy cells.

Annie picked up her phone after she heard the buzz signalling an incoming text message. Her heart clenched and she nearly dropped the phone when she realized it was from Jeff. She read the message about three times before her fingers hovered over the keys to create a reply.

But what was she going to say? She knew they needed to talk, she actually felt horrible about the way she completely broke down in front of him in the study room. She had gone on and on about his selfishness and how manipulative it was for him to kiss her like that and when he had actually apologized, she had lost it. She felt both embarrassed and justified. As if she reacted completely incorrectly but still managed to get some important things off her chest.

That didn't change the fact that she needed time away from him though. If anything, their little blow up in the study room only further solidified how out of proportion this was becoming for her.

Annie: So talk.

Jeff's eyes adjusted to the light of the screen. He hadn't realized his eyes had closed during the time in which he sent the message to when she had responded to it. He read her response and lightly smirked to himself. He could actually hear her say it, in her voice, with an expectant and curious look on her face. But this was too important to do through text message. Meanings get lost, words are merely read and then they lose their weight. Context is everything.

Jeff: In person. It has to be in person.

Jeff realized after sending it that he wasn't necessarily in the best shape to have a serious conversation with her at the moment. He'd been drinking way too much and it was really late. He didn't entirely trust himself to go about it the way that he planned. The last thing this whole thing needed to be was more complicated.

Annie: No.

It had been difficult for her to type it, let alone to send it. She did want to see him and she did want to talk to him, but she knew way down deep after their last two encounters it wouldn't do anything to strengthen her resolve or help her get over him. This was all making it worse. He was making it worse and whether or not he was doing it on purpose was extraneous. She just couldn't handle it.

Jeff stared at her message for a good 5 minutes, though it seemed longer because of the alcohol. Her blatant refusal stung him and he grappled with what he could even say in response to it. His need to see her was only heightened by her disagreeance.

Jeff: Please.

Annie nearly threw her phone across her apartment, but at the last minute settled for just turning the screen face down and staring at the back of the phone as if it was going to bite her. She felt a foreign sense of desperation as she repeated that word over and over again in her head.

Please. Please. Please.

She wasn't sure she was strong enough to endure this. She started to reach for her phone at least three times but stopped herself. She had to quit reacting like this to him. He wasn't even in the room and she was ready to drop her own reasoning for this whole "taking-a-break" thing as soon as he said the word. She had to stop giving in to him. Especially when she was almost certain that he wasn't going to shed any more light or induce any form of clarity about his own feelings for her. She was certain that they were going to continue to go around and around in this ridiculous cycle and she just couldn't anymore.

So she didn't respond and he didn't either.