A/N: Thank you for the Alerts and Favs! I think I'm not seeing them all (according to FF this story still has 0 hits) and I get error messages when I try checking statistics. There are several email-notifications however: at least I know people can actually read this. So thanks for doing just that. How about reviewing next time?

And speaking of: Nefarious61 and dark waffles, thanks for being my first reviewers on this story: I very much appreciate it. Hope you enjoy this one too!

Puckmel/Hummerman? – The Trials and Tribulations of Becoming a Patchwork Family

Chapter 2

When he had regained his wits somewhat Kurt had desperately reassured himself that this Ms. Puckerman had clearly in no way, shape or form spawned Noah "Puck" Puckerman. Puck, McKinley's very own - admittedly not just self-proclaimed - stud and badass, soap opera semi-villain starring opposite Finn's tragic hero in WMHS's production of "Babygate", football Titan (he still was unsure what positions other than kicker and quarterback existed; Puck did something on the offense, with Finn, that involved running or rushing or mowing down other players or something), Gleek and Kurt's now pretty disinterested in him ex-nemesis.

She had to be there in relation to somebody else: Puck's attendance records pointed firmly against much parental involvement and PTN wasn't exactly heavily frequented. Just because he didn't know anybody else among his class mates named Puckerman didn't mean-

... Alright.

There was only so much denial Kurt could engage in at one time, and he was already very busy ignoring Finn's sexuality (everyone knew these things were fluid, honestly!). Chances were his Dad was right now flirting with Puck's mother. Hell to the NO, as Mercedes would say!

He would simply make clear that all his speeches about Dad moving forward and finding new love had been really, really hypothetic and in no way meant to be taken seriously. Also, premature by about 5 years. Burt's only child was not in the least equipped to deal with a new woman in the Hummels life. Especially if she came with an obnoxious son whose only value besides a, granted, very nice voice and a distracting amount of stage presence was perhaps being cast in bronze as a decorative but blessedly immobile and silent statue. Possibly one of those ancient Greek things without the head... He could deal with a Puck only consisting of muscled bronzed torso.

The one silver lining to a disastrous evening had been that they had left WMHS without his Dad having gotten a date with Ms. Puckerman. He had been so relieved! Dad hadn't said anything about Deborah the next day and Kurt had taken that as a good sign. He decided to not mention her or any woman (Carole would just remind Dad of PTN now, ergo of Ms. Puckerman which had to be avoided at all cost) and overhaul Operation: Snag Finn.

His capacity for denial unfortunately turned out bigger than estimated. Consequently he had been totally blind-sided. His dad hadn't talked about Ms. Puckerman because the traitor had been too busy wooing her into a first date, and then dating her, and basking in the glow of youngish love, of all bile-inducing things.

A love that had now left them sitting at the Hummel kitchen table where he had confessed - oh, Burt might have thought of it in terms of "announced" or "happily declared" but Kurt was having none of it – that "Hey, did he remember Deborah from parent-teacher-night? Guess what, Burt had taken Kurt's words to heart and taken a chance. He and Deborah were dating, he hoped they might be serious and it was all thanks to Kurt!"

And what could Kurt say to that? "Sorry, I didn't really have your happiness in mind; it would have been more of a byproduct. I wanted to get closer to the love of my life. Thanks for messing that up!" No. He had no choice but sit there and listen and smile (pained, he couldn't muster a better one) and watch his Dad be happy, hopeful, earnest and disgustingly chipper.

Dad showed no sign of shutting up any time soon. How he couldn't remember being so happy for a long time, since Elisabeth died actually. How Burt would always love his Mom, but now, for the first time, he felt he might be able to love again. How she liked Mellenkamp too (as if that was a selling point! More like a warning sign.) but also the stuff Kurt loved, Barbra and Celine Dillon and so on.
Oh, and Kurt shouldn't make plans for Saturday evening because then they all wanted go out, get to know each other and celebrate their new relationship: the Hummels and the Puckermans together! Well, not Deborah's mother. But her children would of course come: one was even Kurt's age, wasn't that cool? Did he know them by chance? Kurt hadn't managed to stop his gasp of horror: there were more besides Puck? What had he done to deserve this? Just because he had set all this in motion didn't mean he should reap the consequences. How was that fair? He might as well suicide now via nail file to escape a fate worse than death.

But his Dad was looking so excited and happy, waiting for Kurt to rejoice with him. So Kurt had weakly affirmed the date from hell. What else could he do? Working on his new Snag Finn Hudson-campaign, but even that wasn't lifting his spirits. Or went well... He just wasn't feeling creative and he would have to be to pry Finn away from Rachel "All Broadway Songs Are MINE" Berry.

Four days till Saturday: it felt like a sinister final countdown. Maybe he could sing about that in Glee? Shue loved 80s hard rock, it might give him brownie points when he finally would claim his well-deserved solo featuring a Broadway classic. Though the hair band's song was way too uplifting to illustrate the impending tragedy his existence would become.

But to focus back on his about to be destroyed life: maybe it wasn't too late to join the French Foreign Legion? Sure, the sun would be hell on his complexion, he hated sports and physical exertion other than dancing and loathed any military looks not designer-created and equivalently prized... But at least he spoke the language, and didn't they let teenagers enlist? He could have a few exotic and adventurous years in the famous army, surrounded by hunky young men, before returning to civilian life to become a fashion critic for French Vogue and live with his model boyfriend, who could be an ex Foreign Legionnaire too, in a charming apartment in Paris with a front row view of the Eiffel Tower...

Or he could conveniently become sick. He might get lucky googling "devastating illness" + "easy to fake"+ "not requiring surgery" and come up with something. Granted, it wouldn't stop the relationship from hell. But it would postpone the date from hell. Maybe there was something chronic he could suffer from? Just until he and Finn shared their student dorm in New York or San Francisco? And Puck was on his way to take the sex industry by storm or blood-dope himself for some college athletic team? Or whatever he wanted to do with his life, far far away from Kurt. Preferably in another galaxy.

And while he was already thinking of the walking fashion crime: he had no problems to be conveniently indisposed for a variety of classes and get away with it. Worse: he miraculously seemed to pass these classes, despite being absent 80% of the time! So it should be easy for Kurt who was undeniably superior, cleverer, more sophisticated and just better, to throw something together.

On the other hand: was he really willing to worry his Dad like that? Especially if he went with something chronic? He knew his father had been badly scarred by his Mom's deadly illness and decline. Could he really exploit those fears? The answer was as obvious as it was unhelpful. Damn.