Puckmel/Hummerman? – The Trials and Tribulations of Becoming a Patchwork Family

or Puckmel TaT as I've come to abbreviate the thing in my mind.

Mariekjepower, Happily ever after all and anon: thank you all for the kind words and encouragement!

Thank you especially Dark waffles for reviewing 2 for 2 – it's very much appreciated.

Special kudos also to Nefarious61! Thanks a lot for your support. Though now you give me performance anxiety ^_~ re quality of dialogue. I hope I'll do spoken Kurt justice too: he isn't quite as unabashedly bitchy and egomaniac there since he does have some social grace and cares about how people, adults especially, perceive him. Now Puck on the other hand...

Chapter 3

Wait, did Puck know about their parents' descent into romantic insanity? If yes, what did he think about this? Kurt wasn't delusional enough to believe that the jock would be even one iota more enthusiastic than him. Maybe he had a clever idea how to stop this? Preferably without Kurt looking like a villain, or a heartbroken Burt. Puck could be pretty devious when he felt like it. Kurt would know...

Maybe he could talk his mother out of pursuing a relationship with Kurt's dad? He'd read somewhere that in single mothers with son family units the son often would take on some "man of the house"-responsibilities. (Why yes, he had researched on Finn and his familial circumstances. He wasn't obsessed, just- thorough. His deep understanding would ease the transition into Finn's life, after he had eased into his heart. And pants.) Perhaps Puck's objection would have weight that Kurt's sadly didn't have with his own parental unit...

And if he didn't know- Oh god, if Puck didn't know, Kurt might as well vanish into witness protection after Saturday evening! Because he just knew who Puck would blame for all this (correctly admittedly, but he couldn't know that, could he?) and who would be used as Puck's personal whipping boy to vent his anger.

His current life near the bottom – but higher than Rachel! - of the social hierarchy at McKinley would be a freaking picnic compared to what Puck could unleash on him if he felt like it. He still ruled parts of the football team, could command minions, and was able to intimidate Jacob Ben Israel into making up stories (no one could make Jewfro not publish an item though, he was surprisingly fearless about that or maybe it was part of his otherwise non-existent journalist ethics) or worse, publish true ones.

And if he got his girl Santana - because love-hate or not, Puckerman and Lopez had major history and they did stick up for each other in their own weird way - to join in the fun... Santana, enviable looks and quick wit or not, was a capital B Bitch, as much as he loathed the slur, even more vicious than she was beautiful. Her parents probably had a hunch when they gave her a name so very close to Satan: dead birds falling from the sky when she'd been born or the church doors slamming closed when they'd approached for the christening. Not even the girls bathroom would be safe haven for him anymore if Santana went after him. He'd take on Quinn anytime over La Lopez. "Q" was oddly honest and straightforward about her bullying of him: he found her style somehow easier to take. And didn't it say something about his life that he could make an informed choice about his preferred brand of bullying? It said the universe was out to get him and crush him before he ever finished high school, he was sure.

So far, even at his worst, Puck had kept the bullying strictly non-violent. Even the dumpster tosses had been executed somewhat carefully: Kurt knew for a fact that Puck had one of his goons check for dangerous content before every single toss or did it himself. He had no intention of being arrested for GBH or make national news for impaling the queer kid in the trash due to something stupid like a dumpster dive gone bad. The jock was clever like that; it was one of the reasons why Puck and Finn (he was always looking uncomfortable about his participation though. And he smiled at Kurt, and held his jackets or bags sometimes!) had never been punished when they'd gone after Kurt.

If Puck decided to take up literal Kurt-bashing- Kurt felt bile rising. He barely made it to the bathroom before he started to hurl. After he was finished his throat hurt and he felt legitimately ill. A glance in the mirror after rinsing his mouth confirmed that he looked pale and sweaty, with unattractive red splotches as accents. Sadly he didn't blush, he splotched hectically and prominently: the drawback of an extremely light complexion. Puck of course had picked up on it as well as on Kurt's embarrassment about it and had delighted in bringing it forth. At least he was in private this time.

Kurt had always put on a strong, haughty façade for his tormentors. And even though he knew Puck knew it for a front, it had given him strength and reassurance that he wasn't broken. He still retained his self-respect. This, high school, would pass and he'd go on to bigger, better things. Fantasizing about his bullies being stuck here in low-end jobs after school, while he would have a career somewhere glamorous also helped. But he really didn't think he could cope with being physically abused. He again felt nausea at the very idea.

It would be even worse now - after months of being left alone and feeling reasonably safe at school. Months where he didn't bring sets of clothing with him, where he dared to wear his favorite pieces trusting they would remain unsullied, where he didn't need to put icepacks on his bruises after school, where he didn't look compulsively over his shoulder as soon as he left the relative sanctity of class rooms. Glee had given him a friend in Mercedes. But it had also given him some measure of safety courtesy of the joining A-list crowd. And it hadn't just been the newly joined "glocks" stopping their bullying: the rest of the school - other than the hockey-players with their epic feud against the football Titans stepping it up - had followed the popular kids in regards of ignoring vs. attacking him, dwindling power due to glee and babydrama or not.

He had experienced months where he had sung and occasionally even joked with Puck instead of being mocked (Kurt wouldn't let on ever but of the many things one could accuse Puck of - being slow witted wasn't among them: he was excellent at the unflattering but dead on one-liners and a keen observer) and they had sometimes commiserated about Shue's music choices, impromptu performances, raps and teaching lessons of the week. Puck could be viciously funny and, if he felt more merciful, plain funny. It was hilarious if one wasn't on the wrong end of his sarcastic observations. Kurt had never allowed himself to fully relax and let his guard down around him. Just as he hadn't done with Mike, mysteriously silent Matt, Quinn, Santana and Brittany. Or Rachel, who while not part of the cool kids obviously, was an annoying and utterly ruthless rival. Even with Finn he couldn't quite do it - yet. But there had been moments of camaraderie. Moments when he had truly felt like part of the whole group, not just of the original "freaks" they started out with.

To lose all this after everything, to go back to being scared, humiliated would be devastating. He didn't have the emotional defenses of last year anymore, no matter how careful he had maintained some distance.

Next up: Kurt tries to survive a talk with Puck despite mentioning dangerous words in potentially explosive combinations like "your mom", "my dad" and "dating"...