A/N: Yeah, I know it's really angsty and the last chapter was particularly hard to swallow, but I did warn you. And don't worry, they will end up together - hence the title of this story. Thank for everyone who reviewd, story alerted and story favoured. It inspires me immensely.

This chapter tries to explore why Kate is being so unbelievably stupid and stubborn and why she's pushed Castle away. I think it's important to really investigate that. It's a little short, I'm sorry. I kinda just sat down and wrote and came up with this. I hope it's decent.

Disclaimer: still not mine.

Chapter 3 – Requiem for a Broken Heart

Identity: the essential self; the set of characteristics that somebody recognizes as belonging uniquely to himself or herself and constituting his or her individual personality for life.

She was-

Predominantly Detective.

Mostly Beckett.

Occasionally Kate.

And rarely Katie.

Guarded, complex, puzzling. A mystery no one was going to solve any time soon. A wounded warrior with a fortress heart. A heart that was not to be open and inviting with, but rather a sanctuary and a place to retreat to. Something to protect. To handle with upmost care.

She had learned that the hard way. She was carefree when she was young. Open, unprotected and wholly vulnerable because of it.

Then her mother died.

And their world came crashing down. Her life spun out of control. She was no longer at ease with her identity as the loving daughter, protected by the safety of her home; the untroubled girl who had the world at her feet; Katie who was light and free and happy.

Katie was unprepared for the tragedy. Katie was unprepared for the anguish. Katie was unprepared for the rabbit hole. Her young, open, carefree heart broke and tore and shattered never to be fully repaired again. The scars lingered, a reminder of the price you paid for being open and carefree with a heart. A reminder of what being unprepared meant. A reminder of what happened when someone you loved left.

She was left twisted, molded and fractured into Detective Kate Beckett.

And Detective Kate Beckett was prepared and armed against heartbreak (or so she thought). She had walls of self-preservation, of safety, of assurance around her fragile, healing heart. Walls that were rarely tampered with. Rarely penetrated. Rarely broken down.

Until he came along.

He had been able to pry away the jealous hold she had on her heart. It left her exposed. It left her vulnerable. It left her utterly terrified.

And now... alone.

It was rather funny in some sick, ironic way - she pushed him away because she was afraid that he would leave her. Well, Katie, mission accomplished: he's gone.

She was a coward.

No, not a coward when it came to being a brave cop. Not when it came to chasing armed suspects (in six inch heels), facing twisted killers head on or even getting shot at. No, she was a coward when it came to being happy. To truly being happy. Because true, honest-to-God, bursting-at-the-seams happiness always seems to come at a price, always seems to entail risk. 'It doesn't last' her cynical mind has pointed out to her on multiple occasions. There was no happily ever after. There was no fate. There was no true love.

She was content with Josh. He was solid and safe and not the guy who threw the apple cart. And he loved her. It was enough for her, wasn't it? She would be satisfied with that, wouldn't she? She could do 'until death do us part' with him, couldn't she? He came back for her, to her after all.

'But he stayed for you,' that irritating, nagging little voice of truth in the back of her mind quietly pointed out. She silenced it. Again. For the millionth time.

She swallowed thickly, pursed her lips and sighed.

Was Rick Castle worth the risk? Was he worth giving up her heart for? Was he worth being vulnerable for?

I love you.

The three little words refused to let go of her mind (and heart); they clung to her desperately, refusing to be shaken off, to be brushed aside.

They meant something. They were significant. They were not said lightly.

She knew that. She saw it in his eyes. It wasn't just sex. She knew that. They both knew that. She could have given in to his declaration because she did feel something. She didn't deny it tonight. She just left out to mention how entirely, beautifully, painfully her heart constricted with his nearness, how breathless he left her, how much she lost herself in him. It was dangerous how much she felt, how much she cared, how much she... loved?

I love you.

The fear, however, remained. The fear of loss. Always in the back of her mind, lurking in the depths of her heart like a ghost or demon or a combination of both. If she was to give in, how long before he (also) abandoned her? How long before he fell out of love with her? How long before he broke her heart?

I love you.

Those three, simply spoken words were carved into her mind (and heart) by now. They could not be unsaid. And her reaction to them could not be reversed. It echoed throughout her being. Her own words mocked her. She glanced at the still-unacknowledged flowers on the kitchen counter, tilted her head upwards and let out a slow, shaky breath. Unwelcome tears were burning her eyes as the realisation set in just what she had done. She had broken his heart in an attempt to protect herself. However, in the process her heart had also stopped beating correctly. It lost its rhythm. It ruptured.

We were never meant to be.

She was a fool.

A fool who could not undo what has been done. Who could not turn back the clock of traitorous time.

We were never meant to be.

Kate the Fool, Kate the Coward and Kate the Woman Who Broke Her Own Heart.

We were never meant to be.

"Lanie? It's me... No, I- I'm not." She took a unsteady breath, her vision swimming. "Can you come over?"

A/N: I will explore Rick's reaction to the events in the next chapter and maybe even include Kate and Lanie's conversation in that one. I didn't want to do that in this chapter. This was a chapter about Kate and it felt right to end it here.

Please review and tell me what you think. Do you think my exploration of Kate's insecurities is an accurate reflection of the character? I would really like to get some feedback on that.

Thanks for reading!

I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes.