A/N: Hello fellow fanfic fans! Thank so much for the generous feedback, I truly appreciate it. Once again, this is angsty drama - don't say I didn't warn you. And, yeah, you're probably going to hate me a little bit after this, especially for the last part. But, don't fret, all's well that ends well.
Yes, I am a sadist...
Enjoy (or at least try to)
(Updated version - spotted a few small mistakes)
Chapter 6 – Losing my religion
Shock.
Silence.
Those are not two words that Paula usually associated herself with. She was cunning, streetwise and not easily ruffled. And well, she was definitely not the quiet-mouse-type.
(She was more the barking-bitch-type)
But when your biggest client drops a bombshell like he just did, you can do very little than just stare at the (mad)man in shock.
After a full minute of being dumbstruck, she finally clears her throat and finds her voice. "Uh... Ricky, I- I don't think this is such a good idea-"
"Just set it up, Paula," he cuts in, abruptly getting up. He is irritated and hung over.
Oh yeah and a little shattered.
"You and Gina have been nagging me for the last six months to do this and now when I'm telling you I want to do it, you're backing out. What's the damn problem?"
She gives her head a shake, trying to determine whether the man standing in front of her was a hallucination or not. She got up and frowned, her own agitation levels slowly starting to rise. "The problem, Rick, is that you're just quitting the Nikki Heat series. No warning. No nothing. And now you want me to clean up after you."
He drops his head and closes his eyes. He was so tired of this. He just wanted to get away. Get away from the hurt. Get away from her.
The sooner, the better.
The longer he stays here, the bigger the likelihood that he'll start hoping again. Start thinking that maybe, just maybe they have a chance. Start fighting for her heart again. Continue to fall even more in love with her.
Well, whether he stays or not, Richard Castle was convinced of one torturous fact: he'll always be in love wit her.
He'll be in love with her when he lets out his last breath. He'll be in love with her when the blue sky rips open. He'll be in love with her when judgment falls. He'll be in love with her for an eternity in heaven or hell.
Never-ending.
Always.
He looks up at the petite, dark-haired woman again. "I'm not asking you to do anything of the sort. Just set up the damn tour so I can do it and get it over with... I'm done with Nikki Heat." She is taken aback by the coldness of his tone and hardness of his expression.
This wasn't Rick Castle. This was his ghost. His lost soul. His darkness.
He turns to the window, his back to Paula, and shoves his hands deeply into his pockets.
Pensive. Determined. Disillusioned.
Paula watches him closely. "You still have to talk to Gina?"
He nods without saying anything.
"You know Black Pawn is going to sue your ass off for breach of contract, right?" She pauses for a moment, hoping her next words might snap him out of whatever he's in. "In fact, they may sever all ties with you because of it. You might never get published by them again or anyone for that matter, Rick."
He shrugs. "I don't care." And he doesn't. He doesn't give a flying-
Paula lets out a sigh. 'Well I do, you son of a bitch' she wants to say (scream), but bites back her reply instead.
Time to rip off the band-aid. "And what about your detective?" She asks softly. It doesn't take a genius to know that this has something to do with his muse.
He tenses instantly at the mention of her. After a moment he turns back to his agent, icy winter residing in his blue gaze.
"I'm done with Nikki Heat and I'm done with her."
His heart, however, was hanging on for dear life.
[][][]
It's 8am on a Saturday. Her off Saturday. Instead of still lying under the covers, letting blissful sleep capture her consciousness, Kate Beckett is dressed and ready for the day. Well, dressed, but maybe not ready for the day.
Not ready for the rest of her life. Especially if it meant that she was going to lose-
She just couldn't sleep anymore. Hell, she'd been awake since 5:37 to be precise with nightmares about the freezer as usual waking her in a cold sweat. It's always the same one.
Only this time, he didn't make-
She doesn't know why, but the swirling black liquid is rather enchanting as it transforms into a hue of rich brown. She briefly closes her eyes and inhales the warm scent.
It was magical.
Although, it really can't compete with the brew he always-
She's back at staring at the liquid while absently stirring it (she's been doing that for the last five minutes); her mind everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
Her head is pounding lightly - a remnant of Lanie's Vodka and her own wallowing.
In her heart, though, is a dull ache that can't be ascribed to anything other than her own foolishness and cowardice.
And him walking out her door without looking back.
She sighs and unwillingly glances at the still-unacknowledged flowers on the kitchen counter top. She hasn't moved them. Why, she's not sure.
Should she call him? And if she does, what should she say to him? Her phone lies perilously close to her tapping fingers. She chews on her lower lip and considers it for a moment. She hesitates before picking up her phone and punches in the number.
It takes about five rings before the familiar voice greets her.
"Hey Sexy," the answer comes and she can hear the smile in her dashing doctor's voice.
"Hey." She turns away from the wilting flowers and tries to smile. It doesn't feel right. "So, do you want to do something today?"
"Sure," he answers a little surprised. "Just give me an hour or so. I have something that I have to take care of and then I'll come and pick you up. What did you have in mind, Babe?"
Her brow furrows for a moment. She isn't used to having a day of lounging around. "Uh, I- what about a ride out? We haven't done that in a while." Frankly, she needs the wind in her hair and the stretch of the black road out in front of her.
She needs to get her mind off the mess that she has made. Off him. Off what might lie ahead. Off what she might lose. Off who she might lose.
He needed to cool down and she needed to clear her head.
Josh grins and nods his head. "'Kay, see you in a bit." He pauses for a moment, feeling bold. "Love you."
Kate tenses. "Yeah, I- see you in a bit," she responds awkwardly before ending the call.
She looks at the forgotten flowers again and clenches her jaw. A few brisk strides later the dying bouquet is lying in the darkness amongst other items of rotting trash.
Her heart, however, was hanging for dear life.
[][][]
The thing about Dr. Joshua 'McHottie' Davidson is this – he likes to be prepared. He is one of those irritating 5-year-plan-type of people. But that's half the reason for his success (and hard abs). He prepares, he works with a plan, he fine-tunes things. He's not really a spontaneous type of guy (polar opposite of a certain mystery novelist), but rather relies on assurance, on solidness, on certainty.
And yeah he's certain all right – Katherine Beckett was the woman for him. He'd dated a lot of women and he has been in a few serious relationships, but she had reeled him in.
She was… intriguing and alluring and smart and gorgeous and, oh lord, just so incredibly sexy in that lacy, red-
He smiled widely as he thought about her. She had agreed to move in with him. Kate freaking! tough-as-nails Beckett had agreed to move in with him. Essentially agreeing to start a life with him.
A day after returning form L.A and an evening of basically screwing his brains out (he still has faint bite marks), she had agreed to it as they laid intertwined in post-coital bliss. It was sudden and unexpected. He was surprised - no, shocked - at her turnabout because when he had asked her initially she froze and stammered to a 'I'll think about it'.
But something had changed. She had a sense of determination, a sense of renewed commitment.
As if she wanted to prove something.
Well, maybe her former whatever-he-was' death prompted her to this sudden epiphany. The epiphany that Josh Davidson was her one and done.
"Would that be all, Sir?"
He glances up at the friendly, attractive sales clerk and nods before darting his eyes downward to the object again.
"Thank you... yeah."
He can't keep the stupid grin off his handsome face. He was taking the plunge and hopefully she would dive in after him.
He was sure she would, otherwise he wouldn't be standing here doing this terrifying, exhilirating, beautiful thing.
'Yep,' he thought 'this would fit perfectly.'
And Mrs. Kate Davidson does have a nice ring to it.
A/N: Oooh, snap. What ya think about that? Good cliffhanger or not? This was kind of a filler chapter, but I hope it sets up my plot nicely. I'm not sure how it's gonna go from here.
Anyway, like always reviews are appreciated - it inspires me immensely.
Thanks for reading!
I apologize for any grammar/spelling mistakes.