A/N: Thank you all for the reviews and feedback! This story has picked up interest nicely and I'm really enjoying the journey. I hope ya'll stick with me until the end - I'm not sure when that will be or how we will get there or even where it will be, but rest assured it'll be good.

On with the show - here is some plot progression in this one.

Disclaimer: Not. Mine.

(Updated version - spotted a few errors)

Chapter 8 - Hallelujah

He dreams of her often.

Of them.

Of the night that changed everything.

Remember when I moved in you

The details are vivid and beautiful and tortorous. It is burned into his writer's mind.

The music of their sounds, the truth in their synchronized movements, the promise of their united bodies.

He remembers the way she was clothed in only seductive darkness and gentle moonlight. How the heat swirled between them, the rustling of the sheets and the rhythmic squeeking of the bed. The breathless moans exchanged in the quiet night and her hot, open-mouthed kisses. The silky softness of her damp skin and the furious pulsing of her heartbeat. The way it felt around him when she arched and clima-

She felt like a mystery, tasted like a poem and moved like a love story. She was written for him, but before he could get to the end of her tale their chapter was teared apart.

It had ended like a tragedy.

And the holy dove was moving too...

Now all he was left with was the broken grunting of her name while he was inside some bottle blonde celebutant or big-haired bimbette. He'd then open his eyes to find the one-night-stand staring up at him in confusion - not the pair of twinkling, dazzling, enigmatic, golden-sprinkled olive orbs that he loved so much. Those eyes that saw so much, that revealed so much, that veiled so much. He'd then roll onto his side away from the forgetable rendezvous, hoping that when he woke up in the morning that it would be her he found next to him.

And that it would be until death do us part.

[][][]

"Good morning, Sunshine!" Paula greeted brightly as she threw open the curtains to the darkened hotel suite, letting cruel light reveal everything. In the middle of the king size bed, tangled in white sheets and stark naked, laid a groaning, grumpy and hung-over Rick Castle. His 'companion' for the night - a young, beautiful brunette socialite - was already gone, courtesy of his trusty agent. He really hated the morning-afters with these fangirls.

They weren't Kate.

"Ahhh, shit." Turning onto his stomach, he placed the pillow over his pounding head.

"Oh no you don't, Mr. Big Shot Writer," Paula said yanking the pillow away. "You have an interview in two hours and we still have to meet with Gina before that... So-" Without warning she pulled the sheets away, revealing Richard Castle in all his wonderful glory.

"Paula!" He exclaimed, whipping around before suddenly remembering his state of undress. The Brooklyn-bred, tough-as-nails Paula, however, seemed completely unfazed as she dragged him out of bed.

"-get your fine ass out of bed and into a shower." She pushed him towards the door and gave him a playful slap on his bare butt. "Ah c'mon Ricky, it isn't something I haven't see before," she quipped with a wink, smirking at his indignation. She walked away, leaving a stunned Rick in the doorway of his bathroom. "Thirty minutes, Ricky, thirty minutes. Time is money." With that, she was out the door before he could even reply.

He sighed and turned around, coming face-to-face with the stranger looking back at him from the mirror. He had lost weight and had dark circles under his eyes. He stared at his reflection for a long time, taking in the changes that have occurred over the last six weeks. The mutation that he has undergone in the time since he last saw her. The wound was still there, healing, and was bound to leave a nasty scar.

He was certain of one thing: he was never going to fully recover - from walking away, from losing her, from loving her.

But plastering on his famous megawatt smile, Rick Castle did what he did best: he created an illusion.

Spun a story.

Masqueraded the truth.

Put on a show.

"Well, ladies and gentlement, time for the Rick Castle show."

And the Oscar goes to...

[][][]

He glanced at his watch and looked back up at the surgery board and sighed. No, there will be no date with a certain hot, detective girlfriend. Again. He let out a breath and rubbed his eyes. He was tired. In more ways than one. The last few weeks have been... strained between him and Kate. And he had a pretty good idea why.

'Dr. Stevens to Cardiology, Dr. Stevens to Cardiology.'

Ever since the sudden departure of Castle, which delighted the dashing doctor, Kate had grown distant. She was evasive about when she was going to move in and apparently very busy at work. Josh understood; losing Castle was a big blow for her. After all, she did consider the man her partner. To Josh, however, the mystery novelist was nothing more than an annoyance. And a threat.

Now he was gone and Josh had a beautiful, square cut, five carat diamond-

"Hey man, how are you doing?" Dr. George Stevens greeted as he sidled up to his fellow cardiac surgeon, golf buddy and best friend.

"Oh, hey George," Josh replied distractedly. "Yeah, fine. Just... busy." He sighed again and the other man turned to look at him.

"Josh, c'mon man. What's wrong?" Josh glanced at him and realization hit. "Oh, I know that face: it's your problems-with-Kate-face."

Josh's brow furrowed in confusion. "My what?"

"Your problems-with-Kate-face. You always get this expression whenever things with the missus aren't going so well."

Josh folded his arms and turned to look at the board again. "Firstly, nothing is wrong between Kate and I. We're both just really busy. And secondly, she's not missus yet."

George smiled and nodded. "Ah... You haven't asked her?"

Josh sighed and shook his head. "Not yet. Haven't found the right time."

"You will and she'll say yes."

"I hope so," Josh mumbled in reply. With her, he was never sure. She always seemed to have one foot out the door. There was a pause before he continued. "So, what's new with you?"

George shrugged and shifted. "Uh, well, I'm going to do a Doctors Without Borders mission."

Josh whipped around to face his friend. "What?

"Yeah and it's gonna be really intense"

"Where? Where are you going?"

"Sudan. Well, Darfur actually. They really need a lot of help out there, you know?

"How long?"

"Six months."

Josh let out a breath and seemed to fighting an internal battle. This was his passion, his purpose, but he had to make sacrifices if he wanted Kate in his life. And he did. Hell, he wanted to marry her and have a family with her and grow old with her.

But did she want the same things he did?

He wasn't so sure anymore.

"Wow, that's great, man," he responded softly, turning back to the board.

George regarded him for a long moment - he knew his friend lived for these missions and that he was the best in his field. He crossed his arms and turned back to face the board as well. "They especially need cardiac surgeons out there. There aren't many." Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Josh clench his jaw. "The UN has been really helpful in setting up treatment centres and providing us with additional equipment-"

"When?"

George slowly turned towards him and lifted an eyebrow.

Is he serious?

Josh leveled him with a calm, collected and determined look. "When, George?"

Yep, he knew that look - Dr. Josh Davidson was hooked. "We're leaving in a month's time."

Josh slowly nodded his head, deep in thought before turning back to his friend. "Get me all the information on this mission. I'm interested."

[][][]

'Rave reviews for Deadly Heat as Richard Castle continues to travel the US.'

The headline was the only the connection that she had with him. She hasn't heard from him in six weeks. Besides the grainy photo accompanying the article, she hasn't seen him since their last encounter.

Within a few days, Deadly Heat will be available. Kate wasn't sure that she wanted to read it - there were rumours that it might be the last Nikki Heat book. Did he put a bullet through Nikki's-

"Yo Beckett!" Esposito's voice snapped her out of her musings. He was all business. "Got those tapes of security footage. Wanna check it out?"

Right, yeah. They had case. Without Castle.

'Focus, Kate.' She glanced at the open newspaper with a grinning Rick Castle staring back at her and quickly covered the article with her hand as Esposito approached. He noticed the action and locked eyes with her. Nothing was said, but a conversation was taking place.

Kate broke eye contact and shifted the newspaper under a slew of official papers, folding her hands on top of it. Hiding it. Covering what she felt.

"Uh, yeah... What have you got?"

The show must go on...

[][][]

"So... have you changed your mind about Nikki Heat yet?" Gina asked as Rick plopped down onto a soft chair in her suite. He made sure that they weren't staying in the same hotel. Having her on tour was bad enough.

"Nope," he replied with an infuriating grin. Paula shook her head and turned away, not really in the mood for World War Three. Gina took a breath in an effort to calm herself; he had the ability to turn her into a raging lunatic. And the last few weeks have been hell.

'Stay calm. Just stay calm.'

"Rick," she started condescendingly. "We've discussed this. You have a deal for six books. It's in your contract."

He shrugged. "So? What's your point?" She grinded her teeth; she could feel all of her self-control seep out onto the carpet. It really didn't take much.

"My point is that you can't just walk away without any consequences."

"Yeah, I know. You've told me before. I get it."

Inhale. Exhale. She got up and moved around the back of the couch, turned around and faced him again. He was flashing her a spiteful smirk. That space between his eyes really looked attractive to put a bullet in right about now.

"No. You don't get it. Deadly Heat goes on sale nationwide in the next day or two. It's gonna be a hit, Rick. It has received rave reviews already. Are you willing to give that up? All of that? For what?" He was studiously avoiding her gaze, growing more guarded by the second. She paused for a moment, knowing the topic she was about to broach would get his attention. "Look I know you and Detective Beckett had a... fallout-" 'More like a lovers' quarrel' she thought. "-but c'mon Rick. Get over it already."

His eyes snapped up to hers; blue orbs ablaze with a myriad of emotions. Rage was the only one she recognized. When he spoke his tone was low and menacing. "Don't."

Paula stepped in and tried to intervene. "Rick, she's right. This has gone on far too long. You need to-"

"Shut up!" He sprang to his feet. "Both of you." His fiery gaze shifted between the two shocked women. "Now I'm not going to tell you again. I am done with Nikki Heat. You hear me? Done. I don't give a shit what you do. Sue me."

That pushed Gina over the edge. "They'll do more than that you idiot! They are going to tear up your contract!" Rick turned around and poured himself a drink, unwilling to listen to this. He was so tired. "Are you listening to me?" When he turned back, Gina was a few steps away from him. "If you do this-" She moistened her lips and tentatively touched his arm. "-your writing career is over, Rick."

He looked at her for a long time, his blue eyes steely in their perusal. "I. Don't. Care." He downed his drink and walked towards the door.

"She's not worth it, Rick." It was Paula who spoke, her tone quiet and surprisingly gentle. She walked a few paces towards him. "I've known you for what? Ten, fifteen years. I know you, Ricky. Writing is your life. Don't throw it away because of some stupid woman."

He sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes. "She isn't just some stupid woman. She's...," he trailed off, turning his head away to avoid their inquisitive gazes. He was feeling himself break apart. Again.

And he couldn't do it anymore.

There were a few moments of deadly silence. "You love her, don't you? You really love her," Gina said softly.

He pursed his lips and glanced at his shoes. When he returned his gaze to theirs, his eyes were glimmering with emotion. "After the tour, Nikki Heat is done."

He didn't bother staying to see their reactions. He was out the door, continuing with his journey to nowhere.

Indifferent and insignificant.

Changing. Mutating. Evolving.

Surviving.

[][][]

She thinks about him often.

About them.

About the night that changed everything.

And it's not a cry that you hear at night...

The memories are bright and alive and painful. It is fused into her detective's mind.

The reverence of their sounds, the epiphany in their synchronized movements, the sacredness of their united bodies.

She remembers how his face, hovering over hers, was awashed in pale moonlight and naked adoration. How the warmth of his body seeped into her being, enveloping her soul. The soft mattress pressing against her bare back and the steady rocking of the bed. How his low voice made love to her name every time it tumbled out of his mouth in a passionate whisper. The scratch of his stubble against her soft skin that had her shivering and the flexing muscles of his shoulders. The way it felt when he moved inside her.

He felt like the future, tasted like a new beginning and moved like forever. But she was caught up in the past and was hanging onto the present, shattering what could have been.

And now they were stuck in a moment.

It's not someone who's seen the light...

She's staring at the dedication page, trying to take it all in. Trying to translate the erratic beating of her heart. Trying to grab hold of her spinning world.

Lanie came around earlier, wary and serious. She thrusted Deadly Heat into Kate's hands and left without saying a word.

She didn't want to open it. She didn't want to know how Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook ended. She didn't want to read the dedication.

But she did.

And she crumbled.

'To Johanna,

thank you for bringing her into the world. For giving life to my sun. She illuminates everything.'

It's a cold and broken Hallelujah.

She's not the sun, but rather the envious moon. Cold, enigmatic and surrounded by darkness.

He was the sun. Bright, warm and captivating.

And she wanted - needed - to be near him again.

A/N: *Scratches head* This chapter was... interesting to write. And a little challenging with all the metaphors and imagery and the parts in the middle. I hope it is decent. This moves the plot on quite a bit as well.

Please review and let me know what you think. I hope it didn't get too heavy and 'poetic'.

I apologize for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes.

Title and lyrics in the text are from the beautiful Leonard Cohen song 'Hallelujah'.