Ta da! Bet I surprised you didn't I? :D I found some inspiration to do another chapter because of a lovely fan-fiction I read! (And I can't leave you on a cliffy!) Anyways, will you please forgive me for being such a bad author? Hopefully this makes up for it! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight, unfortunately. If you have any contact to SM, please tell her to share. :)
Chapter 4- Do You Know It Hurts?
"We're going to go to the house, excuse us Billy." Sam excused himself. I had no idea who he was but something told me he was the leader of this whole steriod clan.
Sam forcefully pulled Paul away, but during all of this Paul never took his gaze off of me. His deep brown eyes were kind of hypnotizing. It was really awkward, especially since Mark never diverted his anger-filled glare from Paul. Rover seemed to take a liking towards this scene while scarfing down a hotdog. I still looked at Rover with curious eyes, he'd changed and I couldn't help it that I felt as if he went to the dark side. It wasn't my fault - he hadn't talked to me in weeks.
"Mark's going to kill you, Paul!" Aqua burst into hysterical giggles from her spot on Germy's lap. Her hysterics took Mark's gaze off of Paul, but probably for merely a half of a second before he returned to glaring.
I sat Indian-style on the log watching the scene unravel before me. It seemed as if everyone here had a girl. This was so not a 'no girl's' bonfire. Mark: The dip shit.
"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice hinting at a sudden curiousity.
"Nothing, Luna." Ric answered. But to his dismay, I wasn't convinced.
"Obviously 'nothing' is wrong. Something is up. What is it?" I fume. Girls like me, with short fumes didn't last too long in this type of conversation without going all cat-fight on the individual we decide to fight.
"Just go back to the house." Mark yelled, obviously angered by my curiousity. Funny, I didn't know that being a concerned sister was a crime.
"No, not until you tell me what's going on!" I protest.
"Oh, please." Rover rolled his eyes. "Luna, just go. You don't belong here."
Suddenly, it all fell into place. I wasn't wanted here. I felt as though a thousand knives just went down and smashed my heart until it stopped beating. Yeah, family rejection hurt bad.
I saw Sam and Paul look at me with sad eyes. I don't need anyone's sympathy. Really, I don't. I had all I need of sympathy with my mom's funeral. With everyone saying, "You look just like your mother," or "She'd be so proud of you." all while Grams, my grandmother on my moms side cried on my shoulder telling me about my mom. And there, sitting in that church with a ocean blue casket infront of me I never shed one tear. I just looked. Waiting for my mom to get out of it and smile her warm smile while looking up at me... and laughing about how I fell for such an amazing prank played by my brothers. I kept waiting and waiting until the service was over and they had to transfer the casket to the burial site.
It seemed so cruel to have my mother buried in the earth. Surrounded by dirt and grime, I mean, seriously, who are we to bury an amazing person underground? An amazing person who did absolutely nothing to deserve this. She was a wife, an amazing owner of an amazing diving tourist attraction, and most of all, she was my mother. She was probably the one who stood by my side even when I was wrong, and held me until I smiled. She was in most ways, an astonishingly well-rounded woman. Who, I felt we dishonored by throwing her into the ground. I just kept waiting for her to smile and say it's a joke.
I'm still waiting.
"You know what Rover, you're right." My eyes were dry, yet I almost had them filling up with tears in no time-threatening to escape. " I should've died with mom in that shark attack, huh? Then maybe you could've thrown me in the dirt too. Kill two birds with one stone, right?" I say in a grave voice. Before I knew it I was running, putting on an oversized t-shirt in the process.
I had no idea where I was running, all I knew was that I was running away from them. Far away. My mom's death still lurked in the dark side of my mind. And you'd think by all these years it would've got better. But it didn't. It probably got worse with time.
My eyes were focused, I began to just think about my muscles, how they were moving rythmically fast and sure. I let exasperated breaths of air out of my system. I was tired from everything, yet I still found it in me to keep running. At the end of the road I was running down, I felt nautious. I felt my body give in and crash down to the earth. I don't know which part of my body bled first, my knees or my palms. I didn't know but my one focus was me puking. My puking continued and continued, considering everything... it felt like lifetimes. At one point I thought I would puke out organs.
I stopped at some point and looked around me. I was infront of La Push's graveyard. It seemed almost distant now, like an old faded picture- untouched. I silently open the black gate. It was basically black picket fence in front but around it, it had chicken-wire. I sighed, I almost felt as if I was supposed to be here. I don't believe in anything like that, but sometimes you get a strange feeling. I had one of those now.
My bare feet felt numb yet I kept trudging forward. If I was supposed to be here, I should definatly give this my best shot.
I knew exactly where my mom's grave was. It was under a small weeping willow. Which now, I saw grew into a monstourous willow. I couldn't help but smile, I guess everything grows older... including me. My smile fell as I saw the fading gravestone underneath it's strong roots.
I wiped away the dirt with my t-shirt. I suddenly let go of everything bottled up inside me. All the hate, the sorrow, the need, and the want. It's funny how a piece of rock with one name can make you cry.
" Susan Marie Soto "
It read, following the dates and phrase. It all was too much. Too much to bare, and feel. I felt sick again, but not in the way you think. More in the way of taking my heart out of my chest. If I was meant to be here, I might as well confess.
"Mom..." I cried. " I-I don't know what to do... everything... it's all..." I sniffled, loosing myself throughout the tears. "It's all gone." I cried, cradleing my head in my hands. I stared at that god damn rock and admitted everything I kept inside.
"Mom, you always said I'm the only one to save me from myself." I gulp. "But what if I'm too weak to even know where to start?"
"You start by letting go." I looked around to see Paul, staring back at me. He walked forward, hesitantly sitting beside me.
"How do you know?" I ask shyly. An extra tear escaped my eyes.
"I speak from experiance." He sighed, laying down. "My dad died when I was four."
"I'm sorry." I say almost too quickly. I didn't like being put on spot, nor did I like people seeing me weak.
"You know all your family is looking for you? Mark is basically screaming at everyone to find you or else." He said, relaxingly looking toward the sky.
"So." I whisper. He laughs. And that's when my walls go up. I remember those words Ric told me about Paul. 'He's a conceided twit.' As far as I'm concerned, he's still a jerk.
"What's so humorous?" I growl.
"No need to get so offended." Paul snorts.
"I'm not offended!" I declare.
"Obviously you are." He boredly states.
"Shut up, Paul. You're annoying." I glare. I turn my gaze back at the sky, wishing there would be a tornado to rip off this guys head.
"Listen, What I mean is that Rover keeps talking about you as a badass." He says,"And really, all his talk seems to be overrating you."
"I can be a badass."
"Sorry, but from what I saw, no." He chuckles.
"You're such an ass." I roll my eyes, stomping out of the graveyard.
"Care to elaborate?"
"Nope." I say, not looking at him.
"You can't just call someone an ass without him getting offended."
"I can't decide if you're stupid or just ignorant." I claim. "Obviously I was trying to offend you."
"Why?"
"Because you can't claim someone to be a badass and then decide she'd rather skip around in daisies." I squirm. "I am definatly not the daisy type of person, thank you."
"I- What is that smell?" He scrunches up his nose. "It smells horrible."
I remain silent.
"Lu-"
"I puked, okay?"
I concerned look appeared on his face.
"Is there something wrong?" Paul asked, all teasing disapated.
"No, now if you don't mind- I'm going home." I start walking, turning on Paul. I just wanted to get miles between us now. He was bi-polar.
"I'm not letting you go running, after you basically were puking up the USA."
"Well I'm not coming with you."
He gave me a pleading look. His eyes sad and worried like a lost puppy.
"Fine." I was defeated by a six foot ten teenaged boy possibly drugged up. Great.
He lead me to a rusty pick up truck.
"This must be a real chick magnet." I joke.
He responded with a wink as he got into the truck.
"Are you getting in?"
"Ew. This is gross." I respond. Who knew how many girls he had sex with in this truck. For all I knew, he could have had every girl in the La Push community.
"I never had sex with anyone in this truck, incase that was what you were thinking." Paul sighs.
I frown, am I that much of an open book?
"Do you have any sexually transmitted deaseases?" I ask.
"No, but even if I did, I'd have to sexually transmit them to you." Paul said.
I blush, looking down at my feet. When I open the door and look up I'm greeted by Paul's goofy grin.
"Just drive, God damn it."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
We drive back down to La Push beach. Everyone is in complete madness while Mark yells over them. Everyone stops what their doing when I step out of Paul's car. Something changed about Paul when he got out. He wasn't the same. He was more angry. And it didn't help at all when two of the younger boys said something including my name and 'hot'.
"Shut up Brady." Paul growled, stepping closer to me. Fortunatly, I stepped away from him. I still didn't know him like that. He was weird.
"Thank you Paul, but I think I can take my sister from here." Mark said possessivly. I already knew he didn't even like the sight of Paul. He grabbed my right arm with his hand, death gripping me.
"I think I should at least take her home." Paul said, grabbing my other arm for his own.
"I think I can drive myself home." I chime in. The steriod clan looked at all of us, then settled their eyes on me. Sam butted in,
"I think you all should let Luna decide for herself."
"I think she's just a child." Mark growled at Sam and Paul, as if seeing who was more a threat.
"I am not a child!" I protest, trying to escape his grip. But to no victory.
"I believe she's mine, now. Maybe you should let go, after all she's seventeen." Paul hissed.
I agreed with the second part of his statement. I didn't know what the hell he was talking about with the first.
"After all, she's my baby sister." Mark said, both of them held the same glare to each other. Never taking their eyes off of one another.
"But she's my im-" Paul started.
"PAUL!" Sam yelled, pointing to the forest. Paul stood there, about ready to blow until the steriod clan stepped in and lead him to the forest. Why teenaged boys were in the forest was beyond me. I catched them more as video game freaks than anything.
Mark turned away and lead me to where a portion of my family stood there shocked.
"I'll drive her home." Mark repeated to them, still death gripping me until we go to the car.
The way home was quiet, none of us said a word. I looked down most of the time, not meeting his glares when he occasionally gave them to me. I got out, and he trailed behind me into the house. Halfway there I turned around, catching him off gaurd.
"I don't need protecting, anymore Mark."
He pressed his fingers against the outside of his nose, obviously stressed.
"Not now, Luna."
"When then, next year? or the year after that and the year after that?" I yell.
"Luna! Not now." He said, walking into the house, side-stepping me. I was on the verge of crying... again. I hated this.
"You know it hurts?" I scream. I'm just comforted by silence and the click of a door shutting. Mark didn't care. Rover didn't care. How many more brothers would I have to lose before one of them started to care?
I can't lose them. I won't. That was the day I learned the second piece of information that in La Push, things aren't always what they seem.
I know exactly where I'm going for this FanFiction, so I hope you come along for the ride with me. It will be a very interesting ride. :)
Anyways, will you please review? It would be terrific, and no clowns would haunt you in your dreams! ( If you like clowns to haunt you in your dreams, then they won't? I doubt that was threatening to you... )