"Way to go Isabela…" Hawke grumbled as they ran after Fenris.
"What?" Isabela protested, "What did I do?"
"I was giving you the silence gesture! I didn't want him to find out about Varania just yet." Hawke explained, the woman really had bad timing. Especially at that moment when Fenris seemed he was about to tell her something important.
"Ooooh, was that what you were trying to do? Sorry… I thought after loosing all that blood made you a little crazy." Isabela replied honestly.
"If he slaughters the girl, you'll cleaning up the mess." Hawke snapped as they ran down the hall.
"Psh, like hell I am!" Isabela replied with a smirk.
Soon the two caught up with Fenris, whom was now trying to get passed Aveline and the others while they did their best to keep him from entering the room.
"You need to calm down, Fenris." Aveline said sternly, blocking the door with her body.
"Out of my way!" Fenris barked while trying to shove the woman aside.
"Not until you lower that temper of yours." Aveline was determined to not move an inch.
"It's alright Aveline." Hawke replied as they neared them. "Let him in. This needs to be settled." It wasn't like they had a choice anyway, Fenris wasn't going to calm down for anyone.
Aveline's gaze shifted from Fenris to Hawke for a moment, then with a sigh she stepped aside. Fenris didn't hesitate a second longer, he kicked the door open and stormed over to Varania. She jumped in place at the sudden intrusion, her eyes turning to the brother she had betrayed the night before.
The small elf gasped as Fenris pinned her against the wall, "Why did you do it?" Fenris demanded, his deep voice an angry growl.
"I had no choice, Leto." Varania whispered, her empty eyes starring into his.
"Stop calling me that!" His grip on her tightened.
Varania winced from the pain of his grip, but she did not struggle, "Danarius was going to make me his apprentice. I would have been a Magister."
"You were willing to sell out your own brother to become a Magister?" A wave of anger washed over Fenris as he took her betrayal to a whole new level. His pressed Varania harder against the wall.
"Fenris, calm down..." Hawke tried but was soon interrupted by Anders.
"Wait, your sister is a mage?" Anders narrowed his eyes in anger, "You bloody hypocrite! You really are just jealous!"
Fenris shot Anders a warning glare.
Hawke instantly placed herself between the two, "Anders, please…you're not helping."
"Sorry Hawke, but I cannot hold this back any longer." Anders gently pushed her aside and got in Fenris's face.
"Uh, I think it would be wise if you did not anger him any further." Zevran interrupted, "Did you not see what he did to Danarius?"
Ignoring the antivan elf, Anders continued. "You are just like the rest of them! Those that blame everything that goes wrong in their lives on magic. Those that believe magic is nothing but pure evil. Yet even when you claim you loath it, deep down you wish you had the magical gift. Since you don't have it, you feel normal, weak, and that terrifies you doesn't it? You are nothing more than a -"
Anders' angry voice was cut short as Fenris suddenly spun around and slammed his fist hard into his face . The tevinter elf's entire body now glowed brightly as his lyrium markings lit up the room, his rage fueled by pure hatred.
Hawke moved fast enough in time to grab Fenris's other hand before it could plunge into Anders' chest. "Enough, Fenris!" She shouted, her voice filled with panic. "Calm yourself!"
Anders' eyes glowed brightly as Justice didn't hesitate to take over. The mage's body began to glow, blue cracks began to form upon his skin and clothing.
"Oh shit…" Isabela muttered, she began to step away from the three.
"Hawke, knock Fenris out!" Aveline shouted.
Even if Hawke had wanted too, she didn't get the chance. For Justice sent both her and Fenris flying across the room with a blast of energy from his mind. Their backs struck the wall behind them, both landing on the ground in a heap. Fenris roared in anger as he rose to his feet and charged at Anders. Hawke was instantly on him, leaping through the air she tackled Fenris from behind. Once again they hit the ground, using her full weight, she pinned him beneath her.
By pure defensive instinct, Fenris reached up and grabbed Hawke by the throat. His eyes glowed fiercely as he glared up at her. Hawke froze as the others yelled for him to stop. Her hold on him did not loosen. Then as realization dawned on him, he quickly let her go.
"Get off me, Hawke!" Fenris growled as she pinned his wrists above his head.
"Shut up!" She snapped, having had enough of this petty bullshit. Fenris took the hint from her tone, glaring up at her he went still. Turning her gaze to Justice she shouted, "Snap out of it Anders, calm yourself right now!"
It took a moment, but Anders regained control. He stood there blinking at her, "Hawke, I…" his voice trailed off.
"Please, just leave." Hawke replied sternly, looking to Aveline and the others she asked them to lead him from the room, as well as Varania. When they were all gone, she glanced down at Fenris. The cold look in his eyes made her wince, "I'm sorry, but you left me no choice."
Fenris's body was still a glow, his eyes narrowed as he glared up at her. "You had no right to interfere!" He growled through clenched teeth.
"I had every right to interfere!" She replied just as angrily. "I am not about to stand by and let you both to kill each other! Not after what I had to go through last night to save your stubborn ass!" She looked away from him, "Damn it, Fenris..."
"I will only tell you this one more time. Get off me now…" He warned, his temper was getting the best of him.
"No! Bloody Maker, I wish you would just pull up your big girl panties and take control of that anger of yours!" Then to Fenris's amazement, she cursed in Tevinter. "Festis bei umo canavarum!" Which meant 'You will be the death of me!' Seeing the look on his stunned face she added sarcastically, "Yeah that's right, I know your lingo!" In secrete, Hawke had been learning to speak Tevinter, she still didn't know the full language yet, but she was getting there. At first she wanted to learn the language to impress Fenris, though later on she wanted to learn it for herself.
The broody elf's face was once again masked with many different emotions. His expressions went from anger, to shock, confusion, then anger once more. Suddenly he made his move. Hawk gasped in alarm as he flipped Hawke over onto her back, taking control. Hawke tried to stop him, but he instantly grabbed her wrists and pinned them at each side of her head. For a moment, Hawke remembered how the others had tried to warn her about Fenris.
How he was filled with such rage and unbelievable hatred, that he couldn't be trusted, how he was too unstable to be around. Though she refused to believe he would actually hurt her. Not after she saved his life, let alone the way he held her moments ago in the captain's private quarters. Yet, as he glared down at her with such rage in his eyes, she began to wonder…
Just when she thought he was going to say something, Fenris suddenly released her and rose to his feet. Without even looking at her, he stormed towards the door while muttering something in Tevinter under his breath.
Hawke's eyes narrowed as she gawked at him, "What…did you call me?" She couldn't be sure, it almost sounded like he had called her a rude name. When he didn't reply she continued. "So, you're just going to leave… again?" Hawke called after him, the words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.
He replied darkly, "It would be best for both of us if I did."
"Fenris…"
"I'm not going to argue with you Hawke. I need to deal with Varania."
Climbing to her feet she replied more calmly, "I know you do. But you are too upset right now to confront her. You'll most likely kill her before getting any answers." When he ignored her and reached out a hand to open the door, Hawke removed a dagger from a sheath on her thigh. With a flick of her wrist, she flung the dagger at the door. Fenris flinched when the blade struck the wood just inches from his hand. "You are not going anywhere…" She growled while pointing a finger at him.
Fenris turned and glared at her, "You are out of line!"
"Only a little..." Hawke whispered sarcastically, a smirk upon her lips. She placed her hands upon her hips and stood her ground as he approached.
Standing in front of her, he asked with a frustrated sigh, "What do you want from me?"
Hawke hesitated, then held up two fingers. "First off. Stop being so bloody stubborn1 Second, keep that damn anger of yours under control. You're really starting to act like a child."
Before she could think of anything else to say, Fenris shoved Hawke with his body, pinning her against the wall. "Let's add a third…" He whispered darkly as he stared into her piercing blue eyes. "Stay out of my business!" Then suddenly letting her go, he turned and walked out of the room.
Listening to the door slam shut, Hawke hung her head and whispered sadly, "I can't…" It was easier said than done. How could someone let go of something they cared so much for? All she wanted was to try and help him, but she had to remind herself that you can't help someone who didn't want to be helped.
A few moments later, the door opened and Varric popped his head through. "Hey Hawke, you alright?"
"Just peachy…" Was her half hearted reply as she walked over to him.
"Shall we try for a round two?" He asked with a smirk.
With a nod, they headed down the hall to meet up with the others. Fenris had enough time to calm down and they soon tried confronting Varania again. This time Anders was kept out of the room, Hawke had sent him to take care of Merrill, who was still very sea sick.
"Why did you betray me?" Fenris asked again, turning his heated gaze back on Varania.
Varania replied honestly. "You had no idea what we went through… what I had to do since mother died. This was my only chance."
Just like that, Fenris's body glowed brightly as his anger quickly returned. "And now you have no chance at all…" He moved towards Varania, his glowing hand clenched into a tight fist at his side.
The elven woman pressed her back against the wall, her hands raised in defense. "Please…don't do this!" She turned her frightened, pleading eyes to Hawke. "Please, make him stop!"
"I would have given you everything…" Fenris whispered as he raised his fist, ready to tear out her heart. Yet before he could plunge his fist through the girl's chest, Hawke reached out and stopped him.
"Wait…don't kill her, Fenris." Hawke wasn't quiet sure why she didn't want him to kill Varania. Part of her wanted to see the girl be punished for betraying her own flesh and blood. However, another part of her knew deep down it was wrong.
Fenris instantly turned his angry gaze upon her, "Back off Hawke…" He growled in warning, "She was going to stand by and let me be killed. She deserves nothing more than to die just like Danarius and Hadriana!"
"Are you so certain about that?" She replied, her gaze shifted from Fenris to Varania. "Look at her, Fenris. Look at her eyes, they're dead…" Hawke wasn't sure if Fenris or the others knew what she meant by Varania having dead eyes, but she knew the meaning. Only those that managed to survive terrible ordeals. Those who were forced to witness and live through horrid situations, that never knew kindness, love, or those that lost everyone dear to them and allowed the darkness to fill their empty hearts, held such eyes.
Varania's eyes were empty, lifeless. Yes she was his sister, and yes she betrayed him to become a Magister. Though you would be surprised just what one so desperate would do to accomplish after living a life based on survival. She was just as much of a victim as Fenris was. "I killed my own sister Fenris…trust me when I say you don't want that kind of blood on your hands." She added sadly.
Fenris fell silent, yet his hold on Varania did not loosen. Nor did he want to look into his sisters eyes, part of him knew Hawke was right, but he didn't want to believe it. It was much easier to just let the hate consume him and knowing that a with the flick of his wrist, he could have vengeance be fulfilled once more.
"Elf…I mean, Fenris." Varric joined in, coming to stand beside him. "Hawke's right. I know this is hard to believe but this is the last thing you want to do."
Reluctantly, Fenris slowly released Varania. "Get out!" He snapped, his tone harsh.
"Sebastien, will you please lead Varania to another room." Hawke instructed.
With a nod, Sebastien gently took Varania by the arm and began to lead her from the room. Yet before they could leave she turned to look at Fenris, "You said you didn't ask for this… but that's not true. You wanted it, you competed for it. Once you won you used the boon to have mother and I freed."
"Why are you telling me this?" Fenris asked, turning to glance at her from over his shoulder.
"Freedom was no boon. I look on you now and I think you received the better end of the bargain." With that said, she allowed Sebastien to lead her from the room.
Hawke watched as Fenris turned his back on them, at first she thought he was going to speak but he kept silent. After a moment of awkward silence, she asked the others to leave them alone.
"Wait…if we're not going to kill her. What are we going to do?" Asked Isabela, sounding rather disappointed of the outcome.
"We'll leave her on the ship." Hawke replied, "We can't make it back to Kirkwall with this one, its too damaged from the storm. We'll grab one of the smaller boats and head back to the one we borrowed. It's not that far, you can see it from here."
Isabela snorted a laugh. "Oh, I like that idea much better. Lets leave the little wench alone to slowly die of starvation."
"Well, not completely alone..." Zevran replied, "While we were waiting for Hawke to awaken, I went searching through the rooms for…certain items. And well, I so happened to stumble upon the original ship's captain and a couple remaining crew members. They were all hiding in some barrels of pickles in the cargo bay. Must say I was rather surprised when I opened one of the barrels lids and found the captain hiding in there."
"Aw…well damn, and I here I was hoping for a happy ending to this crappy situation." Isabela grumbled.
"Honestly Isabela, do you really think Sebastien would allow us to do that to the girl?" Aveline asked.
"Who said we were going to be returning with him anyway?" Isabela answered teasingly.
"That's low.. even for you." Aveline replied, shaking her head.
"Oh like the thought didn't cross your mind too, big girl. Just think about it, we wouldn't have to hear his righteous speeches anymore." Isabela said with a smile.
"Come on, let's go check on Daisy. Hopefully she's feeling better." Varric said as they headed out the door. Merrill had remained on deck while trying to regain from being both sea sick and nauseated from the gory mess. "Poor girl, last time I saw her she was puking over the side. I think I saw a boot come out of her."
Once they were gone and the door was firmly closed behind them, Hawke walked over to stand beside Fenris. "Are you alright?"
"Does it look like I'm alright?" Fenris snapped angrily.
Hawke winced at his tone, right... stupid question to ask. Of course he was upset, she would have been too if she were in his place.
Lowering his gaze to the floor he said softly, "I thought discovering my past would bring a sense of belonging, but I was wrong. Magic has tainted that too. There is nothing for me to reclaim." A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he turned away from her. "I am alone."
Now, perhaps most girls that are good and decent would have said something sweet, then give the person a big heart warming hug after hearing something so sad as that. But not Hawke, she was no dainty spring flower.
Instead, she narrowed her eyes at him. Then within a blink of an eye, she lashed out her arm and grabbed a hold of his shirt. Pulling Fenris around to face her, she then slammed his back rather roughly against the wall, pinning him there. Fenris's eyes went wide, he was completely in shock by her actions.
Lowering her head, she stood there, pretty much leaning against him with one hand while the other covered her face. Closing her eyes, she sighed, "See…I don't like to hear shit like that."
"Hawke, what are you-" Fenris protested but she cut him off by placing a finger against his lips.
"Shh…my turn to talk. You just listen Broody." A sound that was a mix between a snarl and an annoyed groan escaped her lips as she straightened her back. Looking at him, she continued. "When are you going to get it through that thick elven head of yours…" She began lightly tapping him on the head with her fist, "That you are in fact NOT alone?" Then turning more serious she added, "I told you six years ago that I have your back. It's about damn time you realize that I am here for you Fenris, and so are the others. Well besides Anders, but the rest of them are your friends. They care about you too, so much in fact that they were willing to risk their lives last night to save you. What part of that do you not understand?"
Once again, Fenris opened his mouth to speak but soon fell silent. At that moment Hawke would have almost given anything to been able to wield blood magic herself, just so that she could be able to read his mind just then. What was he thinking that made it so hard for him to say it out loud?
Slowly, Fenris gently placed his hand over hers that gripped his shirt. "You heard what Varania said. I wanted these markings…I fought for them."
"And all of that is in the past now, Fenris."
"Is it?" He met her gaze once more, "You always seem to have an answer for everything Hawke. So tell me, what do you think I should do now?"
The decision wasn't hers to make, even if her entire being wanted to order him to stay with her. "What do you want to do?"
Lowering his head, he rose his arm and gently pushed her aside, "Right now I just want to get off this damn ship." Without another word he walked past her and out into the hall.
Standing there in silence, Hawke began to wonder if there would ever be a future for the both of them. Why did Fenris keep turning away from her? Someday soon, she vowed to get the answer from him. With a heavy heart, once again she followed after him.
Once everyone was gathered on deck, Hawke spoke with the ship's captain, whom smelled of pickles. She found out through him that the ship's damage wasn't as server as they had thought. They would make it to their destination just fine after a few minor repairs, he also agreed to take Varania along with them.
While speaking with the ship's Captain, Fenris had began searching the ship for his armored chest piece and gauntlets. After a few moments, he appeared on deck wearing them. Yet he was still missing the gift she had given him, apparently being unable to find it. Excusing herself from the captain, Hawke headed down below to try and find the item herself.
Hawke searched room after room, but had no luck. She hoped that the thug who took it from Fenris back at the inn hadn't fallen off the ship during the storm while having it on him. She headed down into the storage room, where the crew members had slept. After looking through a few chests, she finally found it. The Blade of Mercy. With a sigh of relief, Hawke grabbed the sword and headed back on deck.
When everyone was ready, they began to fill the little boat that would take them back to the ship they had borrowed. Hawke was the last to board the ship, removing the Blade of Mercy from her back she handed it to Fenris. "Here."
He met her gaze briefly and muttered a quick thank you then turned away. Sighing, she sat down beside the queasy Merrill and began to help paddle. It didn't take long for them to reach their ship, once on board Isabella took the wheel and prepared to head back to Kirkwall.
The others had spread out, Varric and Aveline were with Merril near the side of the railing, trying to comfort her. Zevran had joined Isabella, the two were laughing while she steered the ship. As for Anders and Fenris, the two tried to put as much distance between each other as possible.
Anders stood by himself at the stern, while Fenris leaned against a wall near the captain's quarters. Sebastien seemed to be trying to start a conversation with the broody elf. Either about the Maker or trying to comfort his friend about Varania. Whatever the prince was talking about, it didn't seem to interest Fenris much. Though his forest green eyes scanned the deck, yet they never once met hers. Once again he was trying to avoid eye contact.
Turning her gaze on Anders, she started to walk towards him. After what happened on the other ship, she had yet to check on how he was doing. The mage seemed to be deep in thought, for he had not noticed her approach. Gently, Hawke reached out her elbow and playfully nudged his arm. "Hey." She said softly.
Anders uncrossed his arms and turned to look at her, "I'm sorry for what happened back there Hawke… If you hadn't of stopped Fenris, he might have-"
"Don't." Hawke replied quickly, cutting him off. She knew what could of happened, what Fenris had tried to do, but she still did not want to hear it.
"You can't just deny what he tried to do back there…"
"I'm not denying anything Anders. Besides, it's not like you didn't help the matter by egging him on." Hawke scowled.
"I know I started it, but he-"
"He would have ripped out your still beating heart from your chest and held it up in front of your eyes so you could see just how black it was before you died." Hawke muttered with a sigh, "I know Anders, I'm not taking sides here. I care about you both and I don't want you two to kill each other. I swear you both have more in common than you realize."
Anders huffed at that, "How so? We are nothing a like."
"Oh, I beg a differ." Hawke smirked, "Think about it. You loath Templars as much as Fenris loathes mages. You both were poorly treated by those that you've hated your entire lives. Not only that but you-"
Anders waved her off, clearly not interested in hearing just how much he and the broody elf had in common. "I don't see how you can care about him so much. You're always so damned protective of him." Anders glared over his shoulder at Fenris.
"I really don't want to get into this right now…" Hawke protested as she raised both hands to her face. "
"I'm sorry, I just get frustrated having to see someone I care about wait around for another who clearly doesn't seem to want to be with them." The moment the words were out of his mouth, Anders went still. He winced as he watched his cold words strike Hawke. Already he seemed to have regretted saying that to her.
After a moment of awkward silence, she spoke, "You don't have to understand Anders." With a tired sigh, she continued, "Look, I don't want to get into this. I just came over here to thank you for saving my life."
His gaze softened as he looked down at her, the tone in his voice gentle. "I have never been so scared in my life. To see you like that…for a moment I thought…I thought that I wouldn't be able to save you." He reached out a hand and gently brushed a few loose strands of hair from her eyes. "I thought I lost you back there… and it terrified me." Gently, he placed his hand on the side of her face.
Hawke's body began to tense up as she met Anders's intense gaze. Slowly, she reached her hand up and gently placed it over his hand. His voice trembled when he spoke those last words. She knew he cared deeply for her, but all she could think about was how much she wished Fenris was the one to be telling her this. It made her feel terrible, let alone guilty.
Anders had been so good to her over the years, a true friend, a friend she did not deserve. Yet here she was, about to break his heart again. "Anders…" Hawke tried to find the words, but her mind was a total blank. Sadly, she lowered her head and closed her eyes, her hand still holding his. "You've been a true friend, though I am sorry that I cannot give you what you seek."
Anders seemed to lean in towards her, but caught himself at her words. Leaning away he straightened. "I know. I might not be the one you choose to be with, I just… want you to know I am here if you need me."
"Even though its difficult for you to be around me." She replied knowingly.
He smiled slightly, "Well, you don't make it easy, no. But what woman does?"
"Cheap shot…" Hawke teased in return. Just as she let go of his hand. Anders made his move. Before she knew it, his arms were around her, bringing her in close for a tight hug. Her eyes went wide, not sure what was happening at first.
"I might as well get a hug out of this. After saving you, I think I deserve one." He whispered against her ear. "Of course a kiss would be even better…" His tone playful.
"Don't press your luck." Hawke replied with a chuckle, returning the friendly hug.
A loud noise caught their attention. Breaking the hug, Hawke glanced over her shoulder in time to see Sebastien step back in alarm as the door to the captain's champers slammed shut. Fenris was no longer in sight.
Hawke headed over to Sebastien, "What happened?"
"I don't know… he just got angry all of a sudden, punched the wall and went inside." Sebastien replied, sounding confused.
"Oh, Gloworm probably just got pissed to see Hawke feeling up Anders." Isabela joined in from behind the wheel.'
"I wasn't feeling him up!" Hawke snapped, glaring up at Isabela.
The woman just smiled as she arched a brow at her, "Oh, you weren't? Sure looked like it from here."
"It was just a hug." Anders protested.
"Good luck explaining that to Broody…" Huffed Varric.
Maker, this day was not getting any better. She needed to see if Fenris was alright, perhaps try and talk to him. Though as Hawke reached her hand for the doorknob, Zevran appeared at her side and gently caught her hand. "I do not think it would be wise to speak with him right now, my dear Champion." He said honestly. "He could use some time alone. After what happened with his sister and all."
Reluctantly Hawke nodded and stepped away from the door. Zevran was right, Fenris needed to be alone. So much had happened to him, the last thing he needed was for her to bug him. Besides, following after him didn't seem to help any. With a tired sigh, she excused herself from the others and went to be alone.
There at the stern, she sat for the longest time, alone, starring out into the beautiful, blue calm ocean. The gentle breeze that blew through her long raven hair was little comfort as they sailed towards Kirkwall. For her mind was like a fierce storm. Many thoughts flashed through her mind like lightening, wild and unstable. She thought back to everything that had happened.
Remembering how Fenris had pleaded for her to go with him to meet his long lost sister. How the meeting turned into a trap. Being controlled by Danarius, whom mind controlled her with blood magic, forcing her to give up Fenris. How she felt the fear and adrenaline rush through her veins as she fought her way to save him. The memory of Danarius' blade sinking deep into her body, feeling the blade grind against her bones, tarring through her insides. How she fell into a sea of darkness, then suddenly be surrounded by light and warmth, greeted by her loving family that was no longer with her.
Then waking up and seeing Fenris beside her, remembering how he held her so tight, afraid to let go. Then…she remembered his anger. How furious he was when she stopped him from tarring out Anders's heart. How he told her to stay out of his business with such anger in his eyes. He hadn't even thanked her for saving his life… All these images and memories that flashed in her mind, was too exhausting. Yet Hawke couldn't think of anything else.
'Think of anything…but him.' She demanded of herself, 'Think of cute little kittens, expensive daggers and swords. Meredith wearing a stupid pink dress while dancing the Remigold, Varric's chest hair…bloody anything!'
But it was useless, all she could think of was Fenris. His forest green eyes starring deep into hers. These feelings were such a bitch…
"Hawke." Aveline gently placed her hand upon her shoulder as she looked down at her. "Are you alright?"
"Peachy…"
"Not very convincing." Aveline replied sternly.
"I'm fine, Aveline." Hawke tried again.
"You should know by now that doesn't work with me." Aveline stated more seriously. Nothing could get past her.
"I know." Hawke rubbed her eyes and muttered, "Sorry, I'm just tired is all."
Taking a seat beside her, Aveline continued. "Would you like to talk about it?"
"There's nothing to talk about." She said with a sigh.
"Just give him time."
Hawke shook her head. "I've given him three years, Aveline. It's been long enough, he doesn't want me-"
Aveline held out a clean red sash, the same one that Fenris had worn around his wrist. The last Hawke seen of it was back at the Hanged Man. The sash was filthy with dirt after being cut from his wrist and tossed to the ground. She had wondered how Aveline had came to acquiring it. Thinking it must have fallen out of her pocket during the fight on the ship. "Give him more time." Aveline said again.
Seeing the sash, Hawke fell silent as she took the sash from Aveline. Her fingers gently brushed over the soft fabric, feeling touched that Aveline had cleaned it for her.
Without another word, Aveline stood and left Hawke to be alone with her thoughts.
"Thank you, Aveline." Hawke called softly over her shoulder.
Turning around, the Captain of the guard smiled gently. "Your welcome."
By the time they finally reached Kirkwall, the sun was starting to set.
It would be a lie to say it felt good to back in Kirkwall, but far too many horrible memories kept it from feeling like a true home. Even with everything she had accomplished, to be called the city's champion, everything just reminded her of what she had lost, not gained.
The giant statue placed in her honor at the docks was never a comforting sight, she never felt like a true hero. Having fought the Arishock had been the right thing to do even though it had been the last thing that Hawke had wanted. Over the years she had tried desperately to keep the peace, but he had wanted to take Isabela and punish her for stealing that damn relic, so Hawke was forced to slay the qunari leader. With his dying breath he swore to her that one day they would return. She only hoped she would be ready when that day came.
Once their ship was docked, they were instantly greeted by the original ship's captain, along with his angry crew. However, there was no anger from the captain himself. Apparently his crew didn't mention that the one who took his ship had been the city's champion. He listened quietly as she explained that taking his ship had been important. Now that it was returned unscathed, he dismissed the charges.
"Well, I say its about time for that round of pints you owe us, my dear Isabela." Zevran said with that mischievous grin of his.
"I second that emotion." Varric agreed.
"I wouldn't mind a pint myself." Sebastien joined in as he scratched his chin thoughtfully.
"Psh…" Isabela huffed, "Sorry boys, but I'm broke."
"That never stopped you from getting drinks before." Zevran replied jokingly.
"True…" Placing her hands upon her hips she added with a sigh, "Oh, alright. Let's head to the Hangman."
"Ah, that's more like it!" Zevran grinned.
"I'll have to pass, I just don't feel like drinking right now." Anders said, his voice emotionless.
"Same." Added Fenris.
"Aw, come on you two. We have much to celebrate, stop being so moody." Varric said sternly.
"Sorry Varric, perhaps tomorrow night. Besides, I need to check on my patients, as well as seeing how that new mother is doing."
That's right, Hawke had almost forgotten about the woman he helped deliverer her baby yesterday. "Let us know how they are doing, alright?" Hawke asked gently.
Glancing over his shoulder at her he said softly, "I promise." And with that, Anders headed towards his hideout in Darktown.
Without a word, Fenris started walking away.
"Hey, Gloworm! Why don't you join us." Barked Isabela,
"Not in the mood." He grumbled.
"Those two are something else." Varric shook his head slightly. Then looking to Hawke he asked, "What about you Hawke. You coming?"
"I really should get back and check on Orana and Sandal." Hawke started but Isabela wrapped an arm around her shoulders,
"Oh no you don't, you are coming with us sweet thing." Isabela turned to Aveline. "How about you big girl?"
Aveline shook her head, "I would, but I need to head back to the barrics."
"Uh huh, right before you have a tickle time with Donnic first." Isabela teased.
"Funny." Aveline replied darkly, narrowing her eyes at the woman.
"I'm so sorry, I would go too, but I think I'll just head home and be sick in private." Said Merril, still looking very queasy. "I'll see you all tomorrow. Have a good night!"
As they watched the others leave, Zevran clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Tsk, tsk, such party poopers."
"Their loss." Said Isabela, her arm still around Hawke's shoulders, "C'mon, let's go."
Moments later, the five friends sat at a table in the Hanged Man, Isabela had just brought them the round of drinks.
Grabbing his pint, Sebastien arched a brow at Isabela. "Say, Isabela…"
"Yes, sugar buns?" Isabela coed.
Sebastien arched a brow at her, "Since you claimed you were broke, how did you manage to pay for these?"
Isabela merely flashed Sebastien a mischievous grin as Varric and Zevran snickered. "They're called breasts, Sebby…"
It took a moment for that to sink in, but once it did, Sebastien's jaw dropped and Hawke couldn't help but laugh. "Dear Maker… Isabela. Please tell you didn't actually… never mind." Clearing his throat, he quickly thanked her and took a sip.
While the others laughed and chugged down their drinks, Hawke took time to finish hers. She'd never enjoyed the taste of ale, it just didn't satisfy her, but she didn't want to be rude. When she was done, she began to excuse herself for the night, but she didn't get far.
"Hawke, you barely finished your drink and you want to leave?" Isabela said, reaching out and taking her by the arm.
"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just not in the mood for ale." Hawke replied with a shrug.
"How about some wine then?" Isabela asked, she waved at the barkeep and told him to bring his finest wine. "Come on, don't be such a spoil sport. Have some fun for once, you've been so gloomy the past three years."
Shaking her head, Hawke tried to protest, "Isabela…"
"Oh sit down already!" Isabela pushed her into the seat and placed the bottle of red wine in front of her. "Really, just try and relax. After what happened, you deserve a little fun."
"Ah, I do love it when you get so dominate, Isabela." Zevran teased. "But yes, do sit with us a little longer my dear Champion."
"Yeah, Hawke. Enjoy yourself." Varric joined in.
Knowing that Isabela wasn't going to take no for an answer, Hawke sighed and reached for the bottle. Perhaps the they were right, she had been keeping herself distan from the others lately. She did miss having moments like this, besides, what harm could one more drink do?
The five friends continued on with their laughter and drinking. Talking about the good times that had over the past six years they'd been together. Hawke eventually loosened up and joined in with their laughter, but she didn't end up having one drink as planned.
One drink became two, then three, as well as four and five. She'd never been much of a drinker, yet tonight she found herself craving the sweet alcoholic beverage. She drank until the bottle went dry and her vision became blurry.
Hawke began to feel light headed and she closed her eyes, Maker… how could people drink like this all the time? Isabela, Varric and Zevran ended up drinking far more than her or Sebastien and they seemed to be unaffected.
After his seventh drink, Sebastien seemed to have passed out, his head rested comfortably in his arms. Hawke recalled him saying he'd been a party boy in his youth, but seeing him like this after his seventh drink, let alone his constant preaching, she found it hard to believe.
"Hey Varric… let's draw on Sebby's face!" Isabela laughed, snorting loudly. "Or better yet, let's strip him down to his underpants, set him out in front of the chantry with the words 'See what drinking will do to you' on his chest!"
Zevran burst out laughing, "My, that's a vivid image isn't it?"
"No…leave the poor guy alone Isabela." Varric said with a laugh.
"Aw Varric, you take the fun out of drinking." Isabela protested.
"You still love me though." Varric teased.
Sebastien raised his head and looked at Isabela, "Nice try. I know better than to fall asleep before you."
"You're so ruining the fun." She said with a pout.
Varric chuckled and took another sip of his pint. He looked to Hawke, "How you doing, Hawke? Want another bottle?" He teased, seeing how mixing the drinks had made her queasy.
"No, Maker… no." Hawke groaned, placing her hands upon her face.
"You need to learn to hold your liquor my friend. Not only that, but remember to never mix ale with wine." Isabela said playfully, "But I am proud of you. You made that entire bottle your bitch tonight."
Slowly, Hawke rose to her feet. Her body felt so heavy, her legs began to tremble. At first she feared they would give out from under her. "I ssshould head home." She slurred.
"I think it be best if you just spent the night here, Hawke." Varric said. "Sleep it off and head home in the morning."
But Hawke shook her head, "No. I really…need to…check on…Ssandal… and Orana."
"I'll make sure she gets home safe." Isabela stood and placed Hawke's arm around her shoulders to help steady her. Looking to Zevran she gave him a playful wink. "Be back in a bit."
"I'll be waiting." Zevran grinned back.
While heading into Hightown, Isabela grunted as she tried to steady the intoxicated Hawke as they headed to her Estate. "Hawke, give me a break here. You're heavy, I need you to move your damned feet. Don't make me drag your drunken ass all by myself!"
"I wish he would talk about my ass…" Hawke snorted, completely zoned out.
Isabela blinked, "What?"
"Hoppy!" Hawke cried out, her slurred voice echoing out into the night as she wobbled beside Isabela.
"Okay… you have completely lost me." Isabela replied, sounding very confused.
"S-you know that…broody glowy… elf!"
It took Isabela a minute, "You mean Fenris?"
"Yes, Fenris! I wanted to nickname him Hoppy. But nooo… Varric wanted to call him Broody…"
"Why would you want to call him Hoppy?" Asked Isabela.
"Cus when he runs… he looks like he hops!" Hawke snorted with a chuckle, then leaned against her. "He's such a broody, glowy little bunny with puppy eyes."
"You are sooooo drunk…" Isabela rolled her eyes. "No more drinks for you sweet thing."
Placing a hand upon her face she added with a groan, "Ugh, I don't see how you can drink like you do, Isabela. I just had one bottle and I'm acting like a complete idiot."
Isabela chuckled as they neared her estate. "It takes years of practice hun, don't worry. You'll be your usual badass self in the morning. Accompanied with your very own killer headache."
"I already have the damn headache…" Hawke groaned again as she tried to get a hold of herself. She needed to stop babbling, the last thing she wanted was for Isabela to start talking about Fenris.
"So, I take it you're upset with Fenris?"
Too late.
"No." Hawke replied quickly.
"C'mon, you should know you can talk to me about these things. We're friends aren't we?" Isabela asked.
"We are." Hawke replied honestly.
"Well then…let's talk." Isabela insisted.
"There's nothing to talk about. It's over and done with." Fenris had said the very same thing to Anders one day when the two got into it. It felt wrong to say it herself, but she wanted Isabela to just drop it. Once they reached the door, Hawke placed her hand against the door frame while trying to remove the keys from her pocket. As she removed the keys, the red sash had fallen out of her pocket and landed at Isabela's feet.
"What's this?" Isabela asked as she knelt down to pick it up. Hawke watched as the woman ran her fingers over the soft fabric. "Doesn't this belong to Fenris?"
Turning her gaze back on the door Hawke sighed, lowering her head she replied softly. "Before it belonged to him… it was mine."
"It belonged to you?" Isabela asked.
Shoving the door open, Hawke turned to glare at her. "What do you not get Isabela? Everyone knows about the night Fenris and I shared together, stop playing dumb."
Isabela raised her hands in defense, "Whoa… hey calm down."
"Why?" Hawke demanded, her anger began to rise as jealously started to take over. She began to recall over the years how Isabela kept flirting with Fenris. Even after their night together, the woman kept hitting on him. It was odd that she was always interrupting them if they were alone. Rare times when Hawke was able to be alone with Fenris and try to talk with him, or how Isabela acted back on the ship. Barging in while they were in the captain's quarters just to let him know that his sister was awake. Just the thought of the two together…it was just to painful to think about.
Perhaps it was the liquor, but Hawke found herself questioning Isabela's loyalty. She always knew the woman was attracted to Fenris, perhaps she'd just been waiting to make her move. "Stop poking me about this. It's none of your damn business!"
Isabela began to grow annoyed, "I'm not poking you. I'm holding your drunken ass up. You need to calm down."
"Just piss off." Hawke growled coldly, "If you want to go after Fenris so much, go for it. He's made it damn clear how he feels. The broody elf doesn't want me." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Sighing, she continued more softly, "No matter what I do for him, its never enough. Maybe its just me… or maybe its because I protect those that he hates so much. I don't know anymore." Hawke cursed under her breath as she turned away from Isabela, not wanting the woman to see the sadness in her eyes. "So have at it. Perhaps you can do more for him than I ever could."
Isabela seemed to hesitate a moment, as if she was thinking of saying something but kept silent. Releasing Hawke, she turned away and began to walk off without a word. Which was unexpected since Hawke figured the woman would curse at her, it was just her style. Instead she just walked away in silence.
Cursing again, Hawke stepped inside. With her anger taking over, she turned and slammed the door shut as hard as she could. A painting that hung upon the wall fell to the floor, shattering from the impact. With a tired sigh, Hawke closed her eyes and leaned against the door, feeling completely lost. Perhaps it was uncalled for her to lash out at Isabela like that, but she couldn't help it. Part of Hawke wanted to blame the woman for being one of the reasons for Fenris's behavior. It was always easier to blame someone else for your problems, even though it was wrong.
"Enchantment?" Came an innocent voice from the hall.
Looking up, Hawke saw Sandal in his sleep wear, starring over at her.
Her actions had frightened him and it instantly made her feel guilty. Sighing, she began to walk over to him. "It's alright Sandal, don't mind me. I just…really need something to hit!" Her voice had started out gentle, but as the last few words escaped her lips, her tone turned into an angry growl.
"Enchaaaannntttmmeeennnt!" Sandal yelled as he suddenly took off running towards his room. Once safely inside his room, he slammed the door shut and locked it.
Hawke's eyes widened as her jaw dropped. Oh no, she frightened the poor boy again. She walked over to the door and gently called out to him, "Aw, Sandal, I'm sorry. I didn't mean I'd hit you, hun!"
But he didn't reply, all she heard was his little soft wimpers of fear. Damn, what was wrong with her? She had to think of a way to try and calm Sandal down, the last thing she wanted was for him to fear her. Getting an idea, Hawke headed into the kitchen. There upon the window sill was a freshly baked cherry pie. Orana must have made it before going to bed and left it to cool. Smiling, Hawke cut a slice and placed it on a plate and headed back to Sandal's door.
"Sandal…" Hawke called gently, "You don't have to come out if you don't want to. I just want you to know that I have a piece of Orana's delicious cherry pie waiting for you by the door. Feel free to open it when your ready." With that said, Hawke left the plate by the door and headed to her room.
Orana's door was closed, the young elven girl was fast asleep. Not wanting to wake her, Hawke prepared a bath for herself. She hoped the soothing bath would help chase away the effects of the wine. The pounding headache that she had refused to go away, holding her breath, Hawke let her aching body become fully submerged within the water. The tub was deep enough for her to stretch out in. It felt good to just lay there below the water's surface a moment. As if she was trying to let the water sink into her well being and wash out all the problems weighing her down.
Once cleaned, Hawke wrapped herself in a robe and locked herself away in her room. Exhuastion taking over, she fell onto the bed head first. Her face sank into the softness of her faviorte pillow. No matter how wonderful the bed felt, the coolness of the sheets against her skin, she just couldn't fall asleep. Again Fenris haunted her mind, the words she said to Isabela, just refused to go away. For moments Hawke just lay there until she couldn't stand it any longer. She couldn't let this go, she had to speak with Fenris. Now.
Groaning angrily Hawke slid off the bed and pulled the robe from her body. Cursing under her breath she began to dress. "He wants to be broody? I'll show him broody…!" She grumbled while pulling on a pair of pants. Grabbing her boots, Hawke began to put them on one at a time as she hopped towards the front door.
As she made her way there, she passed Sandal's door. She skidded to a stop when she saw the empty plate on the floor, the little rascal had eaten every single crump of the pie. That brought a smile to her lips, but it soon went away as she grabbed a sword from the weapons rack. There was no time to strap on her leather armor, but she never left the house without a weapon. It was better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.
Locking the front door behind her, Hawke began to head towards Fenris's borrowed mansion. A rumble of thunder could be heard in the distence as the smell of rain hung in the air. A storm was coming. Good, it matched her mood perfectly.
It started to drizzle by the time Hawke reached the elf's mansion. While making her way there, she thought of everything she was going to say to him. Even if Fenris didn't want to talk, he was going to get an ear full from her. She was tired of this game, tired of not knowing how he truly felt about her. Did he want to be with her or not? She wasn't getting any younger and her patience with him was wearing thin. But if he wanted to agrue, fine by her. It was time to end this, finding out once and for all if he had any feelings for her. If it was truly over or if they would end up together. Whatever the case maybe, this waiting game was going to end tonight.
As Hawke reached the door, a cold chill went down her spine as she saw the door was already opened. Merely just a crack, the door calmly moved back and forth with the wind. Just what was going on… why was it opened like this?
Doing her best to hold back her fear, Hawke removed the sword from the hoslter upon her back and prepared for a fight. Were the slavers back? She had thought they would be done hunting Fenris once Danarious was dead. Perhaps they hadn't heard the joyful news that their master was dead, or maybe they did and were here for revenge.
Slowly, Hawke eased the door opened and looked inside. The room was far to dark for her to make anything out. It would take a moment or two for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. When they did, she quietly made her way inside, making her way up the staircase to the room where Fenris slept. She did not find any signs of a struggle, nothing was out of place.
After years of telling the elf to clean up his manson, he finally did. Well, somewhat. The place was straightened up, but it was still rather dusty. Before he just left trash and other crap just laying around. During the days she was teaching him how to read, she got on to him about cleaning the place up. He finally took her adivce or perhaps he just got tired of her constant bickering, whatever the reason, the place was cleaner now than it once was.
Nearing Fernis's room, Hawke began to wonder if she'd just been to quick with her actions about the door being opened. Perhaps he didn't realize he hadn't shut it properly and went to bed. There was no sounds of a battle… or Maker forbid… he had already been taken by the slavers.
Just the thought made her heart skip a beat. 'Don't think that. He's fine…' Hawke told herself as she drew closer to his door. Though as she neared it, she could make out the sounds of whispered voices, but she could not make out what they were saying. The door to his room was opened just a crack as she reached out and began to push it open.
The light from the fireplace and candles gave just enough light for her to see. Yet she was not prepared for the sight before her...
There was Fenris, his legs pressed against the table with arms at his sides as Isabela leaned into him. Her hands gently cupping his face as she kissed him.
Hawke's heart fell as she stood there in the doorway, a gasp escaping her lips as she watched in shock at the scene before her. She blinked, this wasn't happening...
:O
Don't worry! There's one more chapter to come! Hope you'll enjoying it *keeps her fingers crossed*
Again please feel free to leave a review and express how you feel about this fanfic so far ^.^
Also once more, I apologize for any errors I missed.