A loud crash sounded as Hawke's sword fell from her grasp and struck the floor, the sound startling the both of them. Fenris turned and his eyes went wide when he saw Hawke. Isabela cursed under her breath as they looked back at each other.
No one spoke, but there wasn't any need for words. Hawke had seen enough. It was true then, Fenris didn't want her after all. Anger as well as pain washed over her. Without a word, Hawke calmly knelt down and picked up her sword. Then raising her gaze at the two of them, she reached out and grabbed the doorknob. "Pardon me, I'm so sorry I disturbed you." She spat coldly while glaring at Fenris.
"Hawke, wait…!" Fenris called but she silenced him by slamming the door shut. She slammed it so hard that the rusty doorknob broke off and landed on the ground. With any lucky, the two would be stuck in that room long enough for her to get away.
All she wanted was to get out of there as fast as possible. Turning away Hawke fled down the stairs and out the front door. Her fleeing form was greeted by the chilly rain as it fell all around her. Thunder echoed through the darkness as she ran. No mater how fast she moved, it just wasn't fast enough. The throbbing pain in her head didn't help, nor did her unsteady balance that made her run almost in a zig zag direction. Unable to run any longer, she slid to a stop. Because of the pain of betrayal was so intense she wasn't paying attention to what direction she'd been running, Hawke found herself standing at the end of some kind of dead end in Hightown that she wasn't all to familiar with.
Her clothing and hair were completely soaked from the rain. Hawke couldn't tell if she was crying or not, for the tears mixed with the rain. No, Hawke refused to cry. She hadn't cried since the night her mother was taken from her. She would not cry now…
Yet she could not help herself. Gasping for breath, she placed a hand over her face and began to sob softly. Feeling so many damned emotions at the same time. Feeling both foolish, embarrassed, let alone weak for crying. Not that Hawke believed that crying made you weak, it just…made her feel beaten. She hated feeling like this.
She stood there, feeling so cold and lost. Hoping that the rain would wash away the pain and the sorrow. 'Maker give me strength…' Hawke preyed silently, wanting nothing more than to feel anything but this. How could they do this to her? After all she's done for them. After saving both of their lives, they would betray her like this? If only this horrid day would just end…
"Well, well, well… If it isn't the mighty Champion herself…" Came a crude and humored voice from behind.
Hawke lowered the hand from her face and glanced over her shoulder. There between the pillars was a man dressed in leather armor. She'd never seen him before, but the way he was armed and the heartless sneer upon his face made it clear that he was just one of the many thugs that roamed Hightown by night. Just hoping to run into some rich noble to rob. One that was foolish enough to be out at these late hours, alone. She narrowed her eyes at him.
Well she was sure the fool tonight. Hawke had left her armor behind. The only thing she wore was mere clothing and carried one little sword. Idiot. She knew that he was not alone, these type of men never traveled alone.
"Got nothing smug to say, huh honey?" The man taunted with a rotting grin. "Funny, I've heard you are quite the smart ass." He pushed himself away from the pillar he'd been leaning against and took a step towards her.
Hawke smirked and placed the tip of the sword into the ground before her, gripping the handle tightly as she glared back at the man. "What can I say? My reputation proceeds me."
He smirked in return, "That it does." The man took two steps towards her. "I've been looking for you, you know."
"So it seems." She taunted back.
His grin widened and took another step forward. "You've killed a lot of my men. They weren't bad people either, just wanting to make their place in the world. Just like you did."
Hawke brushed his words aside, she was nothing like his men. He was just trying to get a rise out of her, it wasn't going to happen. Out of the corner of her eye, she could make out shadows that moved behind the pillars. The hair on the back of her neck rose, she didn't need to look behind her to know that more men were behind her as well. Damn, she was in no shape to fight right now. The effects of the mixed drinks she consumed was still there, the horrid headache, her balance was unstable, even her vision was a bit off. There was no way she would be able to take these thugs out on her own, there was just too many.
"I'm so glad one of my men informed me that they spotted you at the Hanged Man tonight. He claimed that you've been drinking yourself stupid. Good. This will be so much fun." The man lifted his hand and closed his fist tightly, signaling for his men to move in.
Glancing around her, Hawke slowly rose her sword and held it sideways, close to her face so that she could use the blade's reflection like a mirror. It helped her keep an eye on those behind her as she prepared herself for the fight. A fight that she knew was not in her favor, but if by some miracle she did live through this, she vowed to never drink again.
"Ready to die, champion?" The leader asked, grinning at her with his rotted teeth.
"Bring it." Hawke growled angrily.
The man laughed but didn't move a muscle, it looked like he was going to let his thugs take care of it for him. Typical.
Hearing movement from behind her, Hawke leaned backwards and swung her sword over her head. The blade caught the two men that tried to attack from behind, slicing across their faces. Straightening herself, she then swung her sword forward and stabbed another attacker in the stomach. The three men cried out in pain and stumbled back.
You'd think fighting during a storm would be thrilling, but it wasn't. In fact its a pain in the ass. The hard rain made it difficult to see and the thunder was so loud it drained out the sounds of your enemies movements. Hawke couldn't tell if others were trying to rush her before it was too late. The throbbing headache didn't help the situation either and her reflex was slower that usual. Again, Hawke made a mental note that if she lived through this, she'd defiantly never drink again.
A larger man slammed into her, catching her off guard. Hawke sprawled roughly into one of the pillars, she grunted from the hard impact. As he rushed towards her again, she brought her sword up in time to block his attack. He pressed his blade against hers, trying to break her hold. Her feet slipped from the rain slick ground as she tried to push him of off her, but it was no use.
The man was strong like as ox and built like an ogre. He laughed his stinking breath in her face as he pressed his blade even harder against hers while she glared up at him. Having enough, Hawke made her move. As fast as she could, she lashed her hand out and plucked his eye from its socket. The man howled in pain and stumbled back. She then raised her leg and kicked him hard in the stomach, sending him sprawling to the ground.
"Come on you fools!" Their leader shouted, "She's drunk! You're going to let a drunken woman beat you?"
"I'm not that drunk." Hawke corrected, yes she had an unbelievably bad headache and was unbalanced but she was aware of what was going on around her. Yet she was not in her full condition to face these bastards.
Suddenly she was struck from behind, her vision went white as she fell to the ground. Someone had slammed the hilt of their sword across her head. Hawke groaned in pain as she tried to climb to her feet, but hands roughly grabbed her and lifted her up. Her body was slammed roughly against a stone wall, pinning her there. The sword she held was taken from her grasp as they pinned her arms and legs against the wall. No matter how much she struggled, they're hold on her was far too strong. Hawke cursed under her breath, "Let go!" She demanded angrily, but knew it was useless.
"No way." The thug leader said with a sadistic grin.
"What do you want us to do with her, boss?" Asked one of his thugs.
The leader just looked at her for a moment, his twisted gaze scanned her body beneath the rain soaked clothing. Scratching his chin, he then reached a hand out and began to trace his index finger down the side of her face. "Hmm…" Lowering his finger he let it slowly travel down until it stopped between her breasts.
Maker how she wanted to pluck his eyes from his damn sockets!
"It would be such a waste to just kill her right away... It's been sometime since I've had a woman as lovely as you, Champion." The leader said coldly.
Hawke's eyes widened as fear began to take over.
Just as the thug leader leaned forward as if to kiss her, Hawke closed her eyes and slammed her head against his face, head butting him hard. The force of the impact shattered his nose, blood squirted as he cursed in pain. He painfully back handed her across the face. The hit made Hawke's vision light up. The next thing she felt was the leader's hands trying to unbuckle her belt. "You'll pay for that bitch!" He growled.
Just then, a frightening sound filled the air. The men holding her looked at one another with confused expressions, their leader even stopped, the sound they heard was like nothing Hawke had ever heard before. It sounded so...demonic.
Suddenly the thug leader cried out in pain. Hawke gasped as she watched the man's face began to glow brightly. Wait, it wasn't his face that was glowing...it was more like a reflection.
Looking down, Hawke gasped again as she watched a glowing fist jerk back through the man's chest. The thug cursed in pain, he slowly turned his stunned face to see the one who had attacked him.
There stood Fenris, his eyes narrowed and filled with disgust as he glared at the man. Grabbing the man by his throat he pulled him closer, "You're a dead man for touching her!" He growled before sending him sprawling backwards.
Isabela appeared from behind Fenris, daggers drawn. She looked around at the carnage as well as those remaining. "Really Hawke...wasn't there enough blood that was spilt today? Nooo…it's never enough for you." Her tone sarcastic.
The men holding Hawke didn't budge, only one made a move and he placed his dagger across her throat. "Move and I'll kill her! I swear it!" He yelled, voice filled with panic.
Hawke's gaze went from the man that held the blade against her throat to Fenris, whom glared coldly back at the man.
Isabela glanced over her shoulder to see more thugs appear from corners and pillars to slowly gather around them. Turning back to Fenris she whispered playfully, "Pssst…this is the part where you say something really dashing before you rescue the damsel in distress."
"Words are cheap lady." Said the second thug that held Hawke.
In one fluid motion, Fenris lashed out his arm and grabbed the man holding the dagger by his throat. Hawke winced when she heard the snap of the man's neck. As the man fell limp, Fenris slammed his gauntlet fist into the second man's face then grabbed Hawke and pulled her free. Placing her protectively behind him, Fenris removed the Blade of Mercy from his back and stood ready to fight.
Isabela returned Hawke's sword to her and prepared as well. "Ah, how I love fighting in the rain. It's so relaxing." She said playfully.
Hawke just blinked at her, finding it hard to believe that they were here about to fight along side her. Let along saving her from the fate the thug leader had planned for her.
"Are you alright, Hawke?" Fenris asked as the three of them went back to back.
"Oh, just peachy Fenris." Hawke snapped, still angry with having witnessed the two's embrace.
He sighed while watching the men surround them. "It's not what you think. Please believe when I say that-"
"Lies!" Hawke raised her blade in time to block an attack. Lashing out her leg she kicked the man away.
"Listen to him, Hawke." Isabela pleaded, "Do you really think we would betray you like that?"
"You tell me." Hawke growled through clenched teeth while watching her attacker decide when to make his next move.
"Oh, don't go there." Isabela sliced one of daggers across her own opponent's chest while the other blocked the second man's attack. "It was just a little, harmless kiss. Don't get all girly on me."
"Girly?" Hawke snapped, the wench thought she was being girly?
"Focus!" Fenris ordered.
"I have a better idea, Hoppy." Isabella said with a smirk. Calling him the nickname Hawke had wanted to name him. "Why don't you just hurry and confess your true feelings about her before this gets ugly."
Taking that completely the wrong way, Hawke turned and glared at the two. "I don't care to know, thank you. The broody bastard made it perfectly clear how he feels about me. No need to rub it in, wench."
"Hawke, please…" Fenris started but was interrupted by Isabela.
"Wench? Don't you go all Aveline on me too!" Isabela grumbled while the men around them just looked confusingly at one another. Clearly not understanding why the three were arguing when they were suppose to be fighting them.
The large man that Hawke had plucked the eye from appeared behind Fenris. Before the elf could react, the man had him by the throat. Fenris grunted as the man's hold on him tightened, his feet dangled in the air.
"Whoa ugly!" Isabela shouted as she took in the sight of the giant man. She then grabbed Hawke by the arm and pulled her towards her. Isabela then bent over, Hawke barrel rolled over her back then planted her feet firmly against the man's side. With the force of her kick, she sent him sprawling back. His hold on Fenris broke and the elf landed on his feet. Fenris quickly sunk his blade deep into the man's chest then turned on another before they could run him through with their swords.
Landing on her feet, Hawke swung her blade and sliced the man across his back, Fenris then sank his own blade into the same man's chest.
Suddenly, lightening struck one of the towers nearby. The night lit up and the deafening sound of the thunder caught Hawke off guard. Now her head really throbbed with pain. It was all it took for her to loose focus for two of the remaining thugs to make their move. While trying to regain her balance, the two men rushed at her back. Fenris having seen their moves, shield her body with his. He raised the Blade of Mercy and blocked the first man's blow. The second man was faster, he spun around and sliced Fenris across his back. The elf grunted in pain as the blade cut through his armor and sliced across his flesh.
Hawke cursed and quickly pulled Fenris behind her. Raising her own blade in time to block the second man's sword from hitting Fenris again. Isabela's dagger appeared through their attacker's chest, the man cried out in pain before she kicked him off her blade. The first man stumbled back a moment, but started to lunge forward. With the flick of her wrist, Isabela flung her dagger towards him. The blade flew through the air and sunk deep into the man's chest. His legs gave out from under him and fell upon his back, grasping the dagger.
The ground was soon littered with bodies, but the three companions were still out numbered. Fenris was on his knees, gasping from the pain. Hawke knelt beside him, her blade held out as she watched the others draw nearer.
"Well, I'm out of ideas…" Isabela muttered, she'd plucked her dagger from the man's chest and stood protectively over Fenris and Hawke. "Quite the mess you've gotten us into. Hawke."
Really? She was pointing the blame on her? Andraste's ass…
Just as Hawke was trying to find words to call Isabela, she felt Fenris's hand gently take her hand into his. Startled, she lowered her gaze to his. "Hawke…" Fenris started, "Marian, what you saw back there…it wasn't-"
"I know what I saw." Hawke interrupted, her tone coming out far harsher than planned. Sighing, she looked away from him. "Don't try to tell me different. I should of taken the hint when I heard you say it was over to Anders. I was foolish."
"Look out!" Isabela shouted.
Just as one of the men swung his sword forward, Fenris dived for Hawke. The blade barely missed them as Hawke fell onto her back with Fenris laying protectively above her. Isabela threw her blade and it struck the man in the throat.
"Perhaps you two should wait till after this fight is over." Isabela pointed out.
Pain filled screams echoed into the night, catching the three off guard. Hawke turned her gaze in time to see two men fall to their knees a slender man appeared from behind them. "Well now… you three decided to have some fun without me, yes?" Zervan chuckled while playfully twirling his blades.
Isabela placed a hand upon her hip, "Bout bloody time your fine ass showed up."
The elf chuckled while looking at the remaining thugs. "My dear Isabela, I know you like my fine ass, but now is not the time to praise it. Anyway, when you didn't come back to the Hanged Man, I figured something was up. So I thought I'd investigate."
Hawke stared up into Fenris's eyes as he looked down at her, his body still protectively on top of hers. The two hadn't been this close since the night they were together. She felt her heart skip a beat and forced herself to clear the confusing thoughts that began to fill her mind. This was not the time nor the place for this. Gently, Hawke placed her hand upon Fenris's chest and began to push him off of her. "Help him to his feet." She told Isabela, whom placed a hand under his arm to help him up.
"Oh shit…its Zevran Arainai!" One of the thugs choked out. Zevran just grinned at the man.
"Who?" Another asked.
"He's part of the Antivan Crows. This isn't good!"
"Ah, ah…Former, Antivan Crow. But just as dangerous as ever." Zevran corrected proudly.
Climbing to her feet, Hawke turned to look at the Antivan elf, glad to see him again. "I take it your well known?"
Zevran held out his blades and shrugged, "What can I say? Someone as ridiculously awesome like myself has a great reputation." Turning his gaze on the thugs, he took a step towards them. "Shall we play?"
"N-no…we'll leave!" Said another thug, the group began to back away slowly.
"No…wait!" Zevran shouted as he watched the men take off running. Looking like someone just kicked his favorite puppy, he sadly bowed his head as his shoulders slumped over. "No one ever wants to play with me…"
Isabela rolled her eyes as she sheathed her blades. "Oh come on, you have plenty of fun with me."
Sheathing his own blades, Zevran replied quickly. "I meant the slicing and dicing kind of fun, my dear."
Fenris grunted in pain as Hawke carefully checked the wound on his back. There was so much blood and it was too dark to tell just how deep the cut was. "We need to get him to Anders." She instructed.
"Let's get him to your place first. It's closer and I want to make sure you both are safe. I'll get Anders afterward." Isabela replied.
"Fine, let's go." Hawke gently placed Fenris's arm around her shoulders to help him walk. Even though she was furious with him, he still had saved her. She would not turn on him now.
Moments later, the four were upstairs in Hawke's bedroom. The door was closed, since Hawke did not want to awaken Orana or Sandal. Fenris sat on a stool by the fire while Isabela and Zevran removed his armor. Hawke was busy getting a bowl of warm water, soap, towels and healing ointment to clean his wound.
After the wound was properly cleaned and the blood was wiped away, it turned out that he had been indeed lucky. For the cut was not deep, only superficial.
"All that blood and it was just a mere scratch. You're a lucky one, Gloworm." Isabela said playfully.
Fenris just grunted in reply while Hawke knelt beside him and prepared to apply the soothing ointment. He watched her hesitate as her hand hovered over his back. Looking to Isabela she said darkly, "You should be doing this."
Isabela rolled her eyes at Hawke, "Not again… Why can't you believe that nothing is going on between us."
Zevran arched a brow, "Did I miss something?"
Before Isabela could answer, Hawke beat her to it. "Oh, just the part that I caught the two necking in Fenris's run down borrowed mansion." Her tone harshly sarcastic.
Fenris winced at the tone of her words, but he too began to grow annoyed. "Damn it, Hawke. It's not what you think!"
Hawke just glared back at him, "Don't want to hear it." She began to climb to her feet but Isabela was faster. The woman planted her hands upon Hawke's shoulders and shoved her back to the floor. "Hey!"
"Listen Hawke. After everything you've done for me, do you really think I would betray you like that?" Isabela said calmly, "Do you truly think of me like some kind of sleazy snake?"
Hawke met her gaze, "Then why were you kissing him?"
Zevran groaned and placed a hand to his forehead, "Oh no Isabela…what did you do?"
"Nothing!" Isabela replied in defense.
"Bullshit." Hawke snapped.
Sighing, Isabela turned her gaze back on Hawke. "Okay, I kissed him. But it wasn't that kind of a kiss! Look, after what you said to me outside your door, I got upset. But not because you thought I was trying to steal him from you over the years. Well, it hurt but that's not the main reason. I got upset because you two know that life is too damn short. I see how you both look at each other. Everyone does. Hawke, when you look away, Fenris watches your every move. Not like how a stalker would spy on his prey, but how someone who realized what he gave up. He loves you, he's just too bloody stubborn to admit it. I don't know what exactly happened between you two, but damn, you need to just work it out and ravish each other like there's no tomorrow."
Hawke turned her back on Isabela, suddenly feeling very confused. She felt Isabela's hand upon her shoulder, "That kiss was just an innocent one. It wasn't like, 'Oh maker, give it to me now,' kind of kiss. More like 'Aw…what cute little puppy eyes you have!' kind of kiss. I promise Hawke, that's all it was. If you had looked more closely, you would have seen that his arms were at his sides. He wasn't enjoying it."
"I don't have puppy eyes…" Fenris scowled under his breath, he too turned around so that his back faced the others.
Zevran coughed loudly, "Puppy-eyes!" Seeing the angry glare from Fenris, Zevran did his best to fight his grin. Clearing his throat, he added jokingly, "Excuse me, I must be catching something."
"Besides…" Isabela started again as she walked over to Zevran. "Zevran here is all the elf I ever need." She chuckled and placed her arm around his waist.
Zevran grinned wickedly, "I certainly hope so."
Clapping her hands together, Isabela continued, "Well, we'll just leave you two alone so you can talk. If that wound still bugs you in the morning Fenris, don't be shy to visit Anders. You might despise the guy but remember, it will only take a minute for him to heal ya." Before closing the door behind her, Isabela added playfully, "Oh and do try to keep it down. Don't want to wake up the kiddies with your loud moaning."
Hawke turned and threw a towel as the door closed behind them. The woman might be telling the truth… but she couldn't help but feel pissed.
The two sat in awkward silence for a moment before Hawke grabbed another clean cloth and began to soak it with warm water. "Turn around." She ordered, the wound on his back began to bleed again, but only a little. With a nod, Fenris obeyed, turning around on the stool so that she could care for the wound.
The only sounds that could be heard came from the fireplace, the wood crackling from the heat. Gently as possible, Hawke began to lightly dab the cloth over the wound.
"Do you want to talk?" Fenris asked quietly.
Hawke shook her head, even though she knew he couldn't see the gesture. "Not right now." She said calmly.
Taking a deep breath Fenris exhaled it out slowly, the feel of her hand upon his back helped ease the pain a little, but it wasn't enough. His body ached to feel more of her touch, wanting nothing more than to tell her how he truly felt, but she was not ready. After how he'd treated her back on the ship. He was so angry back then, angry with her and that damned mage Anders. He knew she was just trying to keep the two of them from killing each other, but his temper had gotten the best of him. With how he had seen Anders with her, touching her the way he had once touched her. How he held her close, it was too much. But as Fenris remembered how she found him with Isabela… The way she looked at him with those powerful eyes of hers… he winced at the memory. It was pure torture.
At first he thought it was his imagination, that she really wasn't there standing in his doorway. Like it was just one of the many dreams he had every night, just waiting there for his touch. But alas, she'd truly had been there. He knew he would never be able to forget the hurt he saw within her eyes as she stared back at him.
Maker knew what was going through her mind just then, even though Isabela had told the truth. Nothing ever happened between him and the woman. Even though Fenris remembered how Isabela flirted with him in the past, it wasn't anything serious. She just liked making people blush or perhaps…had it been more? He closed his eyes, not wanting to think of that second thought. Even if Isabela wanted him, it was Hawke that stolen his closed off heart.
"Up." Came Hawke's voice, bringing him from the haunting thoughts.
"What?" He asked, sounding confused.
"Arms. Raise them up so I can bandage you." She instructed, after already being finished with applying the healing ointment.
"Oh… sorry." Clearing his throat, Fenris began to raise is arms, wincing from the stinging pain. He watched as she began to wrap the bandaged around his chest. As she knelt in front of him, he waited for her to meet his gaze, but she was determined to avoid eye contact. Instead she remained quiet. The silence was unbearable. Not being able to remain silent any longer, he spoke. "We should discuss what happened."
Hawke narrowed her eyes as she continued wrapping. "There's nothing to talk about."
He tilted his head at her, "The look in your eyes tells me different."
That did it. She hesitated a moment, then reluctantly met his gaze. "What do you want me to say, Fenris?"
His gaze softened as he took a breath, "I want you to say that…you've realized there's nothing going on between Isabela and myself."
Hawke looked away and began to wrap again. "So I keep hearing."
"Do you believe it?" He asked, studying her fair face. When she didn't answer, he leaned towards her. "Marian…"
"Don't." Her tone that once been soft as a whisper, turned harsh. She didn't have to say it, the look on her face told him that she was still uncertain. Sighing, he leaned back. "You are just as stubborn as I am. Why can't you believe us?"
"Why can't you just drop it?" She met his gaze once more, "I don't want to talk about it."
"Well I do." Now he was getting annoyed. "I would never hurt you like that, Hawke-"
Her snort interrupted him as she roughly tied the knot in the bandage. "Just like the night you left. Right after we made love, you left. You didn't even look back and ever since then, you've been avoided me like the plague. Yeah…you really didn't want to hurt me alright. You have a funny way of-"
"You know why I left!" Fenris snapped angrily, interrupting her. He narrowed his eyes. That night he explained to her why he had to walk away from her. It was the hardest thing he had ever done and everyday he regretted doing it. Did she truly think so low of him?
"I told you I would help you! That you didn't need to leave. That we could work through it, but no…You still left." Her voice started to rise along with her anger. "I guess you took that as a sign of pity as well. Just like how I afford to teach you to read. You snapped at me then, even though all I was wanting to do was help you."
A tick in his jaw began to form as he listened to her scowl him. Did she not realize it was just as painful for him as it was for her? He looked away, unable to look at the hurt within her eyes. This wasn't the Hawke he'd fallen in love with. No, that was wrong. For it was her. She was just as fierce as the first day he met her. He may have respected the woman at the beginning, and disagreed with almost everything that she did. When he tried to tell her about how wrong it was for mages to roam free, she argued with him until he threw his hands up in frustration. Oh and don't even get him started about the time she dragged him into the Fade for the sake of a half breed mage. 'We have to help him!' she had said, 'It was the right thing to do!' Bah…! He had to admit it though, she was a trip. One that he found himself enjoying, well at times anyway.
As for their first and only night together, it hadn't been long enough. Being this close to her again, it took every ounce of will power to keep him from pinning her to the floor. His entire well being screamed orders for him to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she gave in. But no, she wouldn't give in. He knew her far too well, Hawke was too upset to just let herself go to him. Besides, he was never really the dashing type. His specialty was ripping peoples still beating hearts out of their chests and bad mouthing mages. At least that's what the others had said.
"You're done." Hawke said, voice emotionless. "You can go now." She placed her hand against his shoulder, but it wasn't in a comforting way. She only did that to help herself climb to her feet.
Fenris sighed and was about to stand but stopped. She had said he can go… not should. There was no hint within her voice that ordered him to leave her room. Perhaps she did want him to stay… just couldn't bring herself to say it. Taking a deep breath, he decided to find out. Placing his hand over hers, he turned around on the stool to face her.
Slowly, Fenris reached out his other hand and gently cupped the side of her face. It took her a minute to give in and meet his gaze, but she didn't say a word. The look within her eyes was unreadable, no matter how hard he steadied her face.
"Before I go, allow me to say this at least…" He whispered.
"I don't want to hear-" Hawke started but he silenced her by gently covering her lips this his thumb. Grumbling, she sat back down and looked up at him.
"I know you may not believe me Hawke, but I'm going to say this anyway." He leaned in closer, "I know I was a fool that night… even over the last three long years, I've been a fool. I was a coward, I couldn't handle the pain nor the memories that came back to me. It was all too much. No matter what I say, it won't make it better. I can't take back what I did too you. Too us."
Hawke closed her eyes and lowered her head as he gently began to caress her soft lips with his thumb. "If I could travel through time, I'd go back to that night and not leave your side. I would tell you how I truly felt…"
She looked away for a moment, then turned back to him. "What would you have said?"
He took another deep breath before continuing. "That nothing would be worse than the thought of living without you." Then resting his brow lightly against hers he added softly, "If there's a future to be had...I will walk into gladly at your side." The moment the words left his lips, Fenris felt the tension in his body began to cease. It was there, at long last. Finally out in the open. It felt as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He felt even more relieved than he did knowing that Danarius and Hadriana were gone for good and would no longer be hunting him. That he could finally live his own life, perhaps even have a family of his very own without fearing that one day they would find him and shatter everything he held dear to his heart.
Yet, Fenris was finding himself dreading to hear Hawke's answer. Would she truly accept his apologize and accept him into her life once more? He tried to search her face for any sign of an answer, but it was expressionless.
After what seemed like ages, she finally spoke. Slowly, Hawke reached up and covered his hand with hers. As she opened her mouth to speak, Fenris realized he was holding his breath. "I'm sorry, Fenris." Hawke said sadly, gently she removed his hand from her face and placed it upon his knee. "I can't…" She sighed and looked into the fire. "I just can't go through that again. We'd just end up the same way."
The breath he'd been holding escaped his lips as he watched her, "Hawke…"
"You know it will, Fenris." She turned to look at him. "I can't bare the thought of you being tortured by me. Just physically being with you hurts, right? Because of those markings… Not only that, but what if being with me brings back something you would rather not remember? I don't want to be a bother to you."
"You could never be a bother." He replied honestly, but the look within her eyes told him that she'd made her up mind. It was over, he'd been too late.
Raising to her feet she carried the bowl of bloody water to the table and shook her head slightly. "I'm sorry, Fenris. I just can't…" Her tone wasn't harsh, instead he could detect the sorrow in it. Sorrow that he had caused.
The thunderstorm roared on outside, the heavy rain patted against the windows as they fell silent. Without a word, Fenris stood and began to dress. "I understand." He whispered after a moment.
As he made his way to the door, he noticed she was once again avoiding eye contact. Though he did not blame her, for he had done the same to her for so long. Grabbing onto the doorknob, he let his gaze fall upon her once more. "I hope at least… that we can remain friends."
She didn't speak, instead Hawke merely nodded. He couldn't see her face, but perhaps that was best. For he did not want to see just what expression was on it, if it was one of disgust or pain, would break him even more. Without another word, Fenris opened the door and stepped out into the hall, closing it behind him. He knew he had no one else to blame but himself, if only he hadn't left the night they shared together. If only he had stayed, this wouldn't of happened.
With every step towards the front door, Fenris felt his heart grow heavier. For some reason he was finding it hard to breathe, as if his very chest was slowly collapsing in on itself. He realized he'd been too cold to her in the past, remembering that he hadn't even thanked her for risking her life to save his. In fact he tried to recall the last time he said something kind to her. All he could remember was how he kept himself distant. Even though he'd just confessed his love to her, it was too late. The damage was done. The damage he had caused.
After listening to the soft click of the door closing behind Fenris, Hawke released the air she'd been holding. She gasped for fresh air, filling her lungs that were aching. She felt so damn dizzy, her head spun or was it the room? Maker, she hated this feeling. While Fenris was here, Hawke forced herself to not break down in front of him. She needed him gone, to think.
But as he sat there and said the very words she'd been longing to hear for so long…it was too much. Part of her wanted him gone while the other part screamed at her to go after him. The thoughts that ran through her mind was making her feel so light headed, it was so hard to breath.
Unable to stand still a moment longer, Hawke began to pace around the room. All she could think of was what he had just said to her and how she coldly just threw it back in his face. What had she been thinking?
Well, she was tired of feeling the pain, the emptiness, being haunted by him. Everything about Fenris haunted her, refusing to leave her be. She wanted it gone, she wanted him gone. No, not him. That was the last thing she wanted. Closing her eyes, Hawke spun around and slammed her fists into the table. The bowl of water crashed to the floor, spilling everywhere. Breathing heavy, Hawke tried to regain control but it was so hard to breath. Grunting, she reached up and ripped the vest she'd been wearing off. Tossing to the floor, she stood wearing the button shirt she'd worn beneath it. The vest had been too damn tight… No dammit, it wasn't the vest. She was till finding it hard to breathe.
'Go after him…' She heard a voice in her mind. Shaking her head, Hawke glanced up at the painting of her mother that hung on the wall before her. Seeing her smiling face, the knowing look with her sparkling eyes, it began to ease the building tension within her muscles. It was comforting to look at, knowing that her mother might be watching over her.
While examining the painting, Hawke found herself thinking about how much her mother risked to be with the man she loved. Hawke's father had been a mage, an apostate even while her mother was a noble. A forbidden love her mother's parents had said. They ordered her to leave him, but she refused. Her love was that great, even though it pained Leandra to leave her family behind, she ran away with her true love. Why couldn't she be as strong as her mother?"
'I'm so proud of you…' Her mothers last words entered her mind. 'My little girl grew up to be so strong.'
"Am I?" Hawke asked the painting, "I don't feel very strong." If she was, she would go after the one she loved. Her gaze drifted to the mirror in the corner, seeing her reflection she saw that tears were falling. "Who's the stubborn one now?" This was foolish… she was in love with Fenris. Was she truly just going to let him walk away?
Narrowing her eyes, Hawke turned away from the mirror. Without even realizing it, she was already out the door and half way down the stairs. Flinging herself against the front door, she hurled it open and stepped out into the rain. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. The flashing of lightening helped her view as she searched for Fenris.
There, a good ways away, she saw his retreating form. She bolted towards him, her boots splashing through the water puddles as she shouted after him. "Fenris!" Hawke called out to him a second time, the thunder was draining out her shouts. As she called out to him a third time, he stopped and glanced behind him.
His eyes widened in alarm as she ran towards him. He looked back at her, as if unable to believe she was coming after him. Turning around he began to walk towards her. Once reaching him, Hawke flew her arms around his neck and held him close. Closing her eyes she tried to catch her breath, "You're right…" She breathed against his ear. "I'm just as stubborn as you are."
Fenris wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck with his lips. Closing his eyes, he smiled against her skin. "I won't argue with you there." He teased.
Hawke sighed as she held him tighter against her, "You can argue with me all you want…Just believe me when I say I don't want anyone but you."
That was all Fenris needed to hear. Pulling away a little he then pressed his lips firmly against hers. Hawke breathed against his lips, sighing softly as she returned the passion. The storm raged on around them as they stood there in the rain. Completely lost in the moment, no storm was going to interrupt them now.
Breathlessly, Fenris broke the kiss and cupped her face in his hands. He watched as her eyes remained closed while she savored the memory of his lips against hers. When she opened her eyes, she saw that his markings were glowing slightly. However they weren't glowing because he was upset, there was… another reason why they glowed.
She noticed how his breathing had increased, and it wasn't because he was out of breath from the passionate kiss. With a knowing smiling, Hawke tilted her head at him and said teasingly, "My place?"
A hungry growl escaped Fenris's lips as he kissed her again. Then when he pulled away he whispered breathless, "Too crowded." Taking her gently by the hand he then began to pull her in the direction of his mansion.
Realizing his intentions, Hawke couldn't help but tease him again. "Oh…I see. You're planning to make noise."
"Don't tease me while we're blocks away. Now move those legs of yours." He replied, his tone was playful but also hasted.
The two sprinted towards the mansion, Hawke couldn't help but chuckle at the way Fenris tried to run even faster. She wanted to tease him again, saying how much he looked like a bunny in heat as he did his little hoppy run. Though she thought it be best to hold that until after they were alone.
Minutes later, Fenris pulled her inside and slammed the door shut, locking it. He forced himself to push her back as she tried to pin him against the wall right there, he already had a better place in mind. Once upstairs in his room, Fenris headed over to the table that she'd caught him and Isabela kissing against. Hawke hesitate as the memory hit her, but she knew in her heart she believed Fenris meant it that he wanted no one but her. Hawke jumped when she saw him lash out his arm and sent the bottles of wine and books to the floor. She arched a brow at him, "Uh, Fenris…there is a bed over there you know..."
He turned and grinned wickedly at her, "We'll get to that soon enough." Without another word he gently took her by the arm and pulled her against him. Their lips locked as he lifted her up and sat her upon the table. Suddenly pain shot up her arm, causing her to gasp. Instantly Fenris pulled away, "Are you alright? What's wrong?"
"It's your damn gauntlets…they hurt." She chuckled while rubbing her arms where he'd held her.
"I'm sorry..." He quickly apologized.
Hawke merely smiled at him, "No worries. We can fix that." Already she began to remove them. Once they were off she tossed them aside and pulled him against her. As he began to kiss her neck, she burst out laughing. His lips tickled the sensitive area. Pulling away yet again, he looked at her with a questioning look. "Sorry…you're doing great. Keep it up Hoppy." Hawke teased.
Fenris tilted his head at her, "What did you call me?"
Smiling, Hawke leaned forward and began to remove his armor. "I called you Hoppy. Deal with it."
He rolled his eyes, "Please tell me you're not going to give me a cheesy nickname too."
Tossing his chest plate to the floor she grabbed him by the leather collar and pulled him forward. "Oh, you bet your sweet lyrium tattooed ass I am."
Closing his eyes he lightly pressed his lips against hers, he placed his hands on the table against her hips. "But why Hoppy?"
"Because you hop like a bunny when you run." She teased.
He growled against her lips in a playful manner. "I do not…"
Hawke smiled as she looked into his eyes, "Do too."
A few hours later, Hawke awoke to find Fenris resting comfortably beside her in the bed. His taught tanned body was tangled up within the bed sheets. The tevinter elf's white hair was a mess, the long bangs covered his eyes. All Hawke could see were his lips, lips that were asking to be kissed again. She blushed remembering what those talented lips could do. Even though it was tempting, she dared not wake him. He looked so peaceful, it would be a crime to wake him.
She lay there beside him, her arm draped gently crossed his bare chest. The feel of his chest rising and falling as he slept was comforting. Her leg rested over his as she nuzzled against him. It was still dark outside, Hawke wasn't sure just what time it was. The storm had finally died down, though every now and then she could hear thunder rumble in the distance. There was now just a light drizzle outside, gentle sounds of the rain just added to the blissful moment. A moment that she hoped they would share many times over.
So this was what happiness felt like. She hadn't felt it in so long, she nearly forgotten. Last night, she made sure that he knew just how much she loved him and how happy he made her. After watching Fenris sleep for awhile, Hawke couldn't help but find herself wanting to wake him. Unable to resist, she carefully raised a hand and began to lightly tickle his right ear. Fenris didn't awaken, however his ear began to twitch from her feathery touch. She smiled and moved to do the same motion against the bridge of his nose. At first he didn't react, though as Hawke ran her finger down the length of his nose he began to stir. She repeated the action again and this time to her amusement, Fenris snorted in his sleep, shaking his head lightly.
To keep from laughing, she placed the pillow against her lips. This was too funny…not to mention cute. When she began to trace her finger down his nose again, his hand snatched up and caught her. She chuckled when he opened his eyes and smiled at her. Bringing her hand to his lips he lay a soft kiss upon it, "Good morning." He whispered while stretching.
"Indeed." Hawke agreed, returning his smile. "Get use to it, I plan to have many more with you."
"Tempting…" He teased, then in one fluid motion he flipped her upon her back and began to nuzzle her neck with his lips. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she saw his markings begin to glow again.
"Hmm…play time again?" She said teasingly.
Fenris chuckled, his warm breath tickling her ear. "Yes, but the rules have changed."
Tilting her head to the side, she arched a brow at him. "What rules?"
"We'll make them up as we go." Fenris breathed against her mouth as he kissed her. "Now where were we?"
The next time Hawke woke, the sun was shining down on her, casting her body in a soft warm glow. As she stirred and stretched out, she didn't feel Fenris beside her. Instantly she sat up, her tired eyes were blurry from sleep. After rubbing them, she tried to blink away the blurriness and glanced around the room. Fenris was no where to be found.
"Oh no…" Hawke whispered as she leaned against the bed post. She hoped this wasn't a repeat of their first night together. Last night, she had told him, if the pain or the memories returned, to let her know. She even tried to be gentle, but he had told her to not hold back. 'Maker… please tell me that being rough with him last night didn't make his tortured past flash before his eyes again…' Hawke wasn't sure if she would be able to handle his rejection a second time.
Then the sounds of approaching foot steps caught her attention. Wrapping the sheets around her, Hawke waited to see who was there. The breath she'd been holding escaped her lips when she saw Fenris enter the room. Relief washed over as she noticed he was carrying a basket as he neared the bed.
His emerald eyes gleamed as he stepped into the sunlight. Setting the basket upon the bed he smiled at her, "Sorry, I didn't want to wake you. Since the kitchen is remarkably bare, I thought I'd bring something from the market." She must have had a worried expression upon her face, for then he asked, "Are you alright?"
Hawke smiled, it took every ounce of will power to keep her from pulling him into the bed with her. Looking from his gaze to the basket, she felt herself relax. She'd been foolish to think he would leave her again, she needed to remind herself that he was here for good this time. Fenris had said so himself last night. "Yes, I'm fine." She said gently, while reaching out a hand she removed the napkin from the basket. Inside was a small jar of honey, a bottle of grape juice, berries and freshly baked rolls as well as pastries that all smelled amazing. She sniffed as she added happily. "It's all fine, thank you for this."
Sitting down beside her, Fenris leaned in and placed a soft kiss against her lips. "You thought I left, didn't you?" He asked, his voice a whisper.
"No." She failed with her bluff.
He sighed and placed his hand beneath her chin, gently making her look up at him. "I told you Hawke, that if there's a future to be had, I will gladly walk into it by your side. I'm not going anywhere."
Hawke fell silent for a moment before replying softly, "Then we best make sure there is a future."
He nodded, knowing that there was much to be done. The situation with the templars and the mages, as well as everything else going on, still needed to be settled. But she didn't want to think of those problems at this moment. All she wanted was to have this perfect morning with the one she loved before something ruined it.
Fenris began to remove the two fruit pastries from the basket. After wrapping one up in a napkin, he held it out to Hawke. "I hope you're hungry."
"Very." She replied with a smile. Maker, did that smell good. Without being able to help herself, Hawke took a large bite out of the sweet pastry. She moaned as she savored the delicious taste.
Fenris chuckled and began to eat his own.
Once finished, Hawke glanced around the room. "You know… I think its about time you left this place behind."
"I know." Fenris mumbled, "Aveline has told me I need to find a new place to live, she's having a hard time keeping people from coming around here." He shrugged, "But I can't afford a new place to live-"
"Fenris…" Hawke interrupted, looking at him with a knowing smile. "I don't want you to move some place else. I want you to move in with me."
Raising his gaze from his half eaten pastry, he looked up at her. A small smile formed upon his lips as he watched her closely. "Are you certain?"
"Hmm…" Hawke smiled, looking away. "Am I certain that I want you to live with me?" Before he could say another word, she reached out and grabbed him by the collar and pulled him forward. Her lips pressed against his as she gave him her answer. "Does that answer your question?" She breathed against his lips.
Not wanting the basket filled with food to fall to the floor, Fenris picked it up and set it on the floor before pulling her into his arms. "Not quite." He answered playfully, letting his hand brush the loose strands of hair from her eyes. "I could use a little more persuading."
Closing her eyes, Hawke sighed against his lips. So this is what it felt like to be happy. For the longest time, she dreamed of moments like this with Fenris. Yet this time it wasn't a dream, it was real. Her broody elf was truly here with her and this time, he wasn't going to go away. She planned to make sure there would be a future for them together, whatever happens, whatever comes their way, she would be ready to fight for it. Nothing was going to ruin their happiness.
Pulling away from the kiss, Hawke smiled wickedly at Fenris as she began to remove his shirt. "Get ready to be persuade…"
It was a little after noon when Fenris and Hawke arrived at her estate. They carried what little possessions he had in two wooden boxes, which was mostly books, clothing and other items. Hawke planned to stop by Aveline's office later to inform her that the mansion could now be reclaimed.
Sandal was looking over his case of enchantments, turning to look at her when they walked in. His smile brought relief, for Hawke was still worried he was afraid of her after what happened last night. Apparently that piece of Orana's cherry pie helped.
Fenris headed into the study with his box of books while Hawke brought the other one to the bedroom. When she came back down stairs, Anders was awaiting for her near the fireplace.
"Anders?" Hawke asked, sounding surprised. "Is everything alright?"
The mage turned away from the fire to look at her. "Isabela told me to stop by to check on-" Anders fell silent when Fenris entered the room. "Fenris..." Clearing his throat, he continued. "She said you had quite the run in with Hightown's local trouble makers last night and that he was injured. She said he would still be here."
Hawke winced at the tone of his voice, he wasn't happy that she'd chosen to be with Fenris. Knowing Isabela, she probably told Anders everything that happened. Well… most likely she forgot to add the part where she was caught kissing Fenris.
"Is that a problem, mage?" Fenris demanded, narrowing his eyes at him.
Anders just glared at him, "It doesn't matter what I think. It's Hawke's decision."
"That's right." Fenris replied while walking over to stand beside Hawke.
"Thank you for coming, Anders." Hawke started, hoping to try and keep the peace. "I appreciate it." She looked to Fenris, "Would you like for him to check how the wound is doing?"
"No. It's fine." Fenris replied, once again the stubbornness returned.
"Good." Said Anders, then turning more serious he turned his gaze to Hawke. "I need to speak with you, in private. There's something I need help with."
"Anders," Hawke said gently, "You know I'll help you, but you needn't keep it a secrete from Fenris. He'll most likely come with us as well as the others to help you."
Anders sighed, "Very well." Then suddenly, he seemed to become very nervous. He kept looking away as he reached a hand up to toy with the Tevinter Chantry amulet she'd given him ages ago. "I'm… going to be trying something and I thought that… that you would like to be part of it." Straightening, he continued. "You were right all along, Hawke. What I did with Justice was unnatural. It should never have happened."
"Good, he finally sees the light." Fenris huffed.
Hawke gently elbowed Fenris in the side, giving him a look that told him to behave. She was glad to hear that, to see that Anders had finally come to his senses. She knew he had good intentions for why he merged that spirit of Justice, yet she just couldn't avoid the bad feelings she had about it. She was worried for his safety. "Is there anyway to undo it?"
Ignoring Fenris's little remark, Anders replied, "I've spent the last three years researching the methods of Tevinter Magisters. They're the only ones who have ever sought to reverse the spirit possession, not just behead the victims. I believe I have a formula for a potion that can separate Justice and me. Without killing either."
"Is it dangerous?" Hawke asked, hoping this would go as smoothly as possible. Even though she was well aware there was always dangers when it came to magic.
"I believe this will be worth the cost." Anders replied, his gaze meeting hers.
"That was going to be my next question…" Hawke replied honestly.
A look of relief crossed over Ander's handsome, yet tired face. "I knew you would stand behind me on this. Even if…" His voice trialed off as he looked away.
When he didn't continued, Hawke turned her head slightly and asked gently, "Even if, what Anders?"
He lowered his eyes to the floor a second before meeting her gaze, "Nothing. I've gathered most of what I need, but there are some...outlandish ingredients I was hoping you'd help me collect. A powder the Tevinters call "sela petrae." and a small amount of drakestone."
Sela petrae? Well that was something she hadn't heard of before. "Where would we find this… Sela petrae?"
"It's a crystal that forms from a concentrated manure and...urine." Anders replied.
"Ew…" Hawke arched a brow at him.
"And you want to help him because…?" Fenris asked, clearly not liking what the mage was up too.
"He's my friend, Fenris. Friends help each other." Hawke replied honestly.
"That's right. Just like how I helped her to save you." Anders replied coldly.
Fenris narrowed his eyes angrily, though before he could reply with his own little remark, Hawke stepped in. "Just let me know when you're ready to collect these indigents you need."
"The sooner the better." Said Anders.
"Understood. I'll see what the others are up too. Perhaps we can do this tomorrow. Would that be alright?" She asked.
Anders nodded and turned to leave, "I appreciate this Hawke. Thank you for your help."
When Anders was gone, Fenris stormed over to the fireplace. "I don't like this."
"No kidding..." Hawke replied jokingly.
Fenris turned to glare at her. "I don't see how you can trust him."
Hawke sighed, when he looked away again, she walked over and gently placed her arms around his waist. Resting her chin against his shoulder, she asked softly. "Do you really want to fight about this, Fenris? Because I had much more fun things planned for us this evening."
A mere grumble was his reply. Like he didn't know what to say or was still thinking about just how tempting her offer was. When he remained silent, Hawke playfully nipped at his pointy ear. "If you want to argue, that's fine too. I'm starting to think that arguing with me is like foreplay to you. Just so you know, I'll always win." Her voice playful.
"Is that so?" Fenris chuckled, turning around to look at her.
"Yes." Hawke grinned, placing her hands upon her hips.
"Care to test that theory?" Fenris asked as he pulled her into his arms.
Smiling, she lightly pressed her lips against his while whispering, "Bring it."
Taking Hawke by the hand, Fenris began to lead her up the stairs towards their bedroom, smiling the whole way.
First off, Happy Valentine's Day!
Second, I'm really sorry that this was posted to so late, been sick =/
But I do hope you enjoyed my very first fanfic, I had a blast writing it ^.^
I've been thinking for awhile now to do a second one, though it would be a Devil May Cry story...but not sure yet. I've had the plot in mind for years and have kept adding to it, it takes place right after DMC2. But gah, not sure if I should write it or not, since there's many die hard fans out there (including myself) that might get annoyed. Hmm...decisions, decisions. Oh well, anyways, again sorry for any spelling errors I've missed. And if you'd like, please feel free to leave reviews. Have a good week! :D