Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I do, however, have my own glee, but I don't think that we're talking about the same 'glee' here.

Chapter five

Rachel Berry did not have good taste in fashion.

At all.

She was holding up a bright purple and green shirt, telling the Glee club that this was the idea she came up with for the boys' shirts, and the girls' dresses would be the same colors, and all Kurt could do is turn his eyes away. The shirt was that awful.

Apparently the rest of the Glee club agreed completely with him. Half of the group looked like they wanted to throw up, and the other looked horrified at the idea of having to wear something that combined those colors together. So when he showed what he thought would be good for them to wear (the men wearing black shirts with red ties and the girls, red dresses with black sashes), he found himself being lifted onto Finn's and Puck's shoulders, the group cheering loudly with Rachel pouting in the corner.

That day, he was dubbed Glee club's personal outfit designer. Needless to say, he was happy.

He and Mercedes had finished their English paper, and had gotten the highest score in the class. After receiving her grade, Mercedes had hugged him. "You really are smart, white boy." Then she paused. "And you have great taste. I need a little help with that."

Kurt had nodded, then taken her out to the mall for a shopping date. They'd become inseparable since. The only sad thing was, while he was becoming close with Mercedes, it didn't leave a lot of time with Blaine. He hadn't seen the other boy in two weeks; they talked on the phone and sent each other text messages all of the time, but Kurt hadn't seen him in person since they'd gone to see Rent.

Blaine had been busy, he was told by David (who had stole his number from Blaine because, as David said, "he was a pretty cool dude."), hanging out with a boy named Jeremiah. Jeremiah, who had worked at the GAP with Blaine the previous summer (Kurt had to say that it was really hard for him to see that Blaine working at the GAP, but David said that it was true), had come out as gay, and Blaine... well, Blaine had been spending a lot of time with him. Kurt decided then that Blaine probably liked Jeremiah, and had forgotten about Kurt. It was sad, but he'd figured that Blaine would have had to have gotten tired of him eventually.

He'd just wished that it wouldn't have happened so soon. It made him sad, because he really enjoyed spending time with Blaine. It made his days less happy, because Blaine was good for him.

And it hurt, because Kurt really, really, liked Blaine, but Blaine liked someone else. Once he'd learned about Jeremiah, Kurt didn't smile as often.

He missed smiling.

[*]*[*]

There was something...different hanging out with the Glee club. For the first time in a long time, Kurt felt like a part of a group. Even if he didn't sing and dance with them, he was still a part (even though he was just designing the outfits) of the team.

"No," he said, watching as Tina turned around. "I like the skirt, but the color kind of clashes with the top a bit."

Tina looked down at her skirt, then sighed. "Yeah, I thought so. Thank you for your input though."

Puck walked up to him next and stood in what Kurt believed was Puck's I'm A Man and I Eat Wood For Breakfast pose. "Well?"

Kurt stared at him, then blinked. "You look like something that fell out of a lumberjack catalog. It's hideous and hurting my retinas."

Puck glared at him. "Dude, if you looked this good in this outfit, you'd change your mind."

"But I would never look good in an outfit like that. Ever. And, you don't look good. As I stated previously, you look like something that fell out of a lumberjack catalog. Go away, please."

"Whatever dude," Puck stated before walked over to where Santana was eye Brittany like a lion looked at a deer.

She's so in love it's not even funny.

He stopped that thought before it went any father, because he could relate to Santana so well it scared him. That was how he felt about Blaine. He was pretty positive that he was madly in love with the other boy, but... Kurt was pretty sure that Blaine either had a boyfriend now or he wasn't interested in Kurt at all. But, Kurt was pretty sure that it was a combination of them both.

Jeremiah...

Kurt had never hated a name more than he hated that one. Blaine could have been with him if Jeremiah hadn't been there before.

He shook his head, then went back to his drawing. Stop thinking like that, Kurt. Blaine isn't yours. He never was...

And it wasn't like they could have had a relationship at all anyway. Kurt was going to die, and Blaine would be free to date anyone he wanted to.

Like Jeremiah.

He frowned. It's a stupid name. And I bet he has stupid hair. I bet it's fluffy and ugly and stuff.

"Kurt?"

Kurt glanced up to see Quinn standing in front of him. "Yes?"

She nodded towards the choir room door. "There's someone here to see you. Said he's here to pick you up?"

Kurt blinked, then gathered his stuff and walked towards the exit. His dad hadn't made an appointment for him, and he wasn't going anywhere that he knew of, so he was rather shocked when he rounded the corner and was promptly pulled into a hug by Blaine.

"Surprise!"

Kurt gasped, then pulled away slightly. "What are you doing here?"

Blaine shrugged. "I had a half day because of a staff meeting, so I thought I'd come here and take you out to dinner tonight. Don't worry," he said before Kurt could open his mouth. "I already called your dad and got permission. Although, I'm always wondering why every time I want to take you somewhere I have to inform your dad...?" He cocked his eyebrow and Kurt sighed.

"He's just... a little over protective, is all."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Just a little?"

"Okay, so he's really protective!"

Blaine laughed, and the anger Kurt had felt towards him earlier vanished completely. "Okay, let's go. I'm taking you to the ever amazing place called Breadstix where we will dine with amazing food and eat like royalty."

As Blaine dragged him out of the door, Kurt rolled his eyes. "You're in a fine mood today, aren't you?"

Blaine stopped halfway through the parking lot. "Well," he said, glancing over at Kurt from over his shoulder. "I finally got to see you. I haven't seen you in forever."

Kurt flushed and lowered his eyes to the ground. Don't say things like that, he thought as he got into Blaine's car and the two headed off to Breadstix.

You'll make me fall for you even more.

Breadstix wasn't the best restaurant in Lima, but it was a nice hang out place, and they had reasonable prices for high school kids paying for themselves. The booths weren't that awful to sit at, and the one that Blaine picked out for them was softer than most, and Kurt found himself sinking into it as Blaine talked.

"So, after the little Teenage Dream jam session in my car with Wes and David, Wes decided that it would be a good song for Sectionals. So, he wanted me to tell you thank you."

Kurt was confused. "What did I do?"

Blaine shrugged. "You sang it with me, and it convinced him that I can sound good on female songs." Then he went back to frowning at the menu. "Don't they have anything good?"

Kurt glanced down at the menu. "I think their pasta is pretty good, but I'm not sure. I've only been here a few times."

Blaine put his menu down. "Then pasta it is." He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry I've been absent lately. I've been busy."

Kurt picked the pasta that he wanted, then laid his menu down. "It's okay. David told me that you've been busy with some boy named Jeremiah..."

Blaine blushed, and Kurt's heart fell. "Yeah... He's... yeah. I've been with meeting up with him a lot."

Kurt sighed, then put his hand up to attract the waitress, trying to keep his mind off of Jeremiah and Blaine 'hanging out'. He didn't want to be mad during this. He hadn't seen Blaine in a while, and he wasn't going to let his stupid jealousy get the better of him.

The waitress wandered over to them, a big, rather fake smile on her face. "Hello, boys. What can I get for you this evening?"

Blaine handed his menu to her. "I'll have the fettuccine alfredo, please."

She wrote down his order, then turned to Kurt. "And you?"

"I'll just have some spaghetti, thank you."

"No problem. I'll be back as soon as your food is ready."

Kurt watched her go, then turned his attention back to the table. Blaine was drumming his fingers on the table top, head in his hand, staring at Kurt. Kurt couldn't look at him. Eventually, the silence started to get to Kurt, so he looked up and said, "So... How did you meet this Jeremiah?"

He wanted to mentally slap himself. Why did you have to ask that, Kurt?

Blaine, however, smiled softly, as if remembering a very fond moment. "Well, I worked at the GAP over the summer last year; yeah, I know. The GAP, but I wanted the money for the family trip my family took last July. I met him there; he was my manager. And, well, we kind of hit it off."

"Oh..."

Blaine was still smiling, and Kurt really didn't want to talk about Jeremiah anymore, so he bit his lip, then asked, "So, do you think that the Warblers are ready for Sectionals?"

Blaine seemed to perk up, as if he had noticed the uncomfortable silence between them. "Oh yeah, most definitely. We've practiced quite a bit, and the harmonies are amazing, so... Yeah, I think we're ready." He raised an eyebrow. "What about New Directions?"

Kurt shrugged. "I think that they're ready. I'm not sure, though. I'm just designing the outfits."

The waitress arrived and gave them their food, leaving with a passing hint at buying dessert. Blaine took a bite of his pasta, then hummed. "Not that bad," he said, taking another bite.

Kurt chewed his own softy. "Are you busy this weekend? I was thinking about going to the pond again, before winter hits and the ducks all leave."

Blaine snickered. "You like Hezekiah, don't you?"

Kurt shrugged. "He's grown on me. I love pets. I use to have a cat when I was younger, but we gave him away when my mom got sick."

Blaine put his fork down and stared at Kurt with an intense gaze. "Do you mind telling me how she died?"

Kurt sighed. "She got pneumonia, and it went untreated for so long her lungs started to collapse. She died in the hospital three days after she was diagnosed."

He was looking down, and so he was shocked when he felt someone's hand being placed on his. He looked up to see a sincere look on his face. "And how are you... today, I mean?"

Kurt smiled. "I'm doing much better, thanks for asking."

Blaine gave him a smile, then returned to his food. "That's good." He took another bite, then sighed. "I think that ice cream is a must after this. Would you agree?"

Kurt laughed. "Yes, yes I would agree."

[*]*[*]

Sectionals was soon, as Rachel kept reminding him (most days it was more than three times during school – before Glee Club), even after he'd already given the club their outfits for the competition. It had taken him a month to finish all of the outfits, but other than how long it took, he was rather proud.

At the moment, he was sitting in the back of the choir room, drawing pad in hand, and watching the Glee club run through the songs that they'd chosen. He wasn't exactly paying attention, though, more like he was wishing. He was wishing that he was down there, with them, dancing and singing and having a good time.

He wished he was worrying about homework, and whether or not he was failing or passing a class. He didn't want to be looked at by certain teachers in a sad way; he'd rather they look at him in a disappointed way when he failed to turn in an assignment. When he handed an assignment in late, having been unable to finish it because he was too tired or had a hospital visit, his teachers would take one look at the dark circles under his eyes, his labored breathing, and give him this look of pity.

He absolutely hated it.

He shook his head, looking back at the group of dancing kids. Finn had been dragged into a seperate corner, and Mike was trying to teach him how to do a certain move. Mike was trying his hardest, but poor Finn was not getting it at all. His long limbs were flailing, and when Rachel danced closer to him, she had to duck to avoid getting hit; Kurt had learned that last year, they'd been practicing and he'd hit her in the face, breaking her nose.

Finn was a nice guy, a little naive, but nice. Since his father was dating Finn's mother, Carole, Kurt had been spending quite a lot of time with Finn. He was convinced that soon, if his dad ever got the courage to pop the question, he and Finn would be brothers.

If only for a little while. Because Kurt wasn't going to be alive forever.

But, if his dad popped the question and got married before Kurt died, then everything would be okay.

Right?

He and his dad had yet to tell Finn and Carole about Kurt's illness, deciding that they'd wait to see if the relationship between all of them lasted – which it would, Kurt would make sure of it.

Since he'd been spending a lot of time with the Hudsons, he'd not spend a lot of time with Blaine. The last time he'd spent a day with Blaine was the day that Blaine decided it would be fun to visit the zoo, and had spent hours dragging Kurt around. It was on that day that Kurt was told by Blaine that if he was going to be an animal, Kurt would be a penguin. And as he stared down at the penguins, Kurt realized he didn't really know what to think about that.

They'd been rather tired after the zoo trip, and they'd crashed at Kurt's house, sitting on the couch and watching TV. Kurt didn't know when they fell asleep, but the next thing he knew he was waking up, Blaine's arms wrapped around him, to the sound of his dad's truck pulling into the driveway. He'd prodded Blaine awake, then they'd said goodbye to each other ten minutes later.

Kurt hadn't seen Blaine since.

They still talked on the phone, and they still sent each other text messages, but... It wasn't the same. Only one month ago, Kurt had thought that Blaine was already tired of him, but that was proven wrong when Blaine showed up randomly at McKinley and had taken him out to eat.

Now, now Kurt wasn't sure if Blaine was busy, either with Sectionals (because that would be understandable), or Jeremiah.

At the thought of his name, Kurt frowned.

He'd met Jeremiah once, before the zoo trip. Blaine had asked for Kurt's help to buy a birthday gift for Wes, and Kurt found out that Wes liked some GAP clothes. Kurt had tried to resist because it was the fucking GAP, but Blaine had dragged him into the GAP store anyway, and then there he was.

Jeremiah.

With his curly, fluffy hair that Kurt swore was some sort of birds' nest, and his long legs and the fact that he was gay and Blaine was interested in him... In the end, it had been Jeremiah that had helped Blaine pick the gift for Wes, and Kurt tried really hard, he really had, to hate him, but when he saw Blaine smile happily, and when he saw him laugh, Kurt couldn't. He couldn't hate Jeremiah, because, for some reason, Jeremiah made Blaine happier than Kurt could apparently.

So, Kurt would have to deal with it.

And he was.

"Hey, Kurt!"

He was pulled out of his thoughts at Finn calling his name. "Yes?"

Finn's smile was pretty much covering his entire face. "Do you think that I'm getting any better? I know I'm not great, but...?"

He looked so hopeful, like Blaine did when he wanted more ice cream than he should have, that Kurt let a small smile slip. "Yeah, you are. But just by a bit."

Finn nodded. "But still, a bit is a bit, right?"

"Yes."

"Are you and Burt still on for the dinner next weekend?"

From what he'd heard from his dad (which him 'hearing' it consisted of Kurt listening in on Burt's mumbling when he thought he was alone), Burt was planning something big early on Saturday (a proposal, Kurt assumed), and then all of them were going out to a small dinner. Unless his dad didn't go through with the proposal (which he would), he didn't think there was any reason for them to not be on.

"I believe so."

Finn gave him a thumbs up, a "Great!", then went back to attempting to become a better dancer. Kurt chuckled softly.

His phone vibrated.

He glanced down to see a text from Blaine.

So, are you busy at all tomorrow? - Blaine

Kurt bit his lip, thinking. No, he wasn't. When do I ever have actual plans?

No, I'm not. Why? - K

He didn't get a response until one hour later, when he was standing in his kitchen and debating what to cook for dinner.

Want to meet at the Lima Bean for some coffee and some time to catch up? I haven't seen you in forever. ):

He didn't respond back right away. Instead, he took the chicken out of the fridge and prepared it for dinner, thinking. He wanted to see Blaine, that much was certain. But the small, angry part of him wanted to say he was too busy, that he already had plans, and that they'd have to plan for some other time.

But he couldn't do that. He cared too much about him, he loved him too much to do that to him.

"God, why couldn't I have just not fallen in love with unavailable him?"

He snatched his phone up and typed a quick reply:

Sounds great.

A few seconds later, Blaine responded.

...Are you okay? Are you mad at me?

If it had been anyone else, they would have gotten mad at his snippy reply, but this was Blaine, and they'd been completely honest with each other since day one, and that hadn't stopped, even when they weren't together all of the time.

I'm sorry. I had a long day and I'm trying to make dinner but the chicken is being stubborn and mocking me.

When Blaine responded, Kurt could hear his laughter.

Birds don't like you, do they? Even the dead ones... Well, I think Hezekiah likes you. Maybe. The jury is still out on that one. I'll see you tomorrow then :)

Kurt sighed, but smiled nonetheless.

Two hours later, he told his dad that he was going to be hanging out with Blaine again, and he received a hard stare. "What?"

"You need to tell him, Kurt."

Kurt froze. "Dad, I-"

"He needs to know. You tell me that both of you are honest with each other, and then you're keeping this from him? No, you need to tell him. Preferably today, and then when you meet up tomorrow you guys can talk it over. That being said, I think we need to tell Carole and Finn soon as well."

His dad was right, no matter how much he wanted to say no.

He needed to tell Blaine.

But... he couldn't.

It wasn't that it was hard to type, because typing it was easy: Hey, just so you know, my heart is failing and I'm going to die one of these days. Just thought you'd want to know. Do you want to split a cookie tomorrow when we meet?

Because that would be great.

But Blaine... Kurt loved him, as a friend, and as a romantic interest.

"He needs to know, Kurt... You can tell him. You can. It'll all be okay."

He glanced over at his phone, then lowered his head and gripped his hair tightly. "Come on, Kurt, just do it!"

His phone vibrated and he froze.

It took him three minutes to reach over and open the message.

So, are we still on for tomorrow? - Blaine

Kurt stared at the text, trying to will himself to just do it. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it do it do it.

Blaine, I need to tell you something, he sent, then took a deep breath.

What is it?

He gulped, then sighed. He had courage, and he was brave. He could do this...

I have CHF. My heart is giving out and I'm dying.

He pressed send, because he was brave and could do that. Seconds later, his eyes widened.

He was stupid.

He was completely stupid and he was dying for fucks sake, and he'd just told Blaine that his heart was giving out over text.

He tossed his phone onto his bed and sat down heavily on his desk chair. "God, Kurt. Why did you tell him like that? Why, why, why, why?"

In a panic, he flew off of his chair and grabbed his phone, quickly pressing the power button and watched as it shut off, wanting to turn back time so that he wouldn't have sent that text. He couldn't believe that he'd done that.

So, the next day, when Kurt arrived at the Lima Bean and waited two hours, alone, for Blaine to show up, he wasn't angry when Blaine never did. "I'd be angry too," he mumbled as he turned his cup around in his hands. Sighing, he stood up and exited the coffee shop, waving goodbye at the girl manning the counter. When he was outside, he tipped his coffee cup over let the contents spill out on the ground before tossing the cup into the trash bin and heading towards his car.

He got into his car and sat in his seat, not even bothering to pull out his keys as he let his tears fall. He'd ruined it with Blaine. This was the end of their friendship, he just knew it. And it was all his fault.

Leaning forward he grasped onto the steering wheel and sobbed, because he was stupid and he'd lost Blaine and he was stupid.

"Okay, Kurt. Enough of that, this is all okay. This is for the best... This way, you're leaving one less person when you die..."

It still didn't make him feel better.

At all.

Clearing his throat, he pulled out his keys and started the car, then drove home, trying to will away the feeling of despair that settled over him.

Author's notes: So, I decided to update early this week! I was going to originally update early because you all reading this story are awesome, but now I'm updating because today has been pretty sucky so far. It hasn't been fun. I've been up for four hours and it's only eight in the morning so... Phooey.

Well, I hope that you liked this latest chapter!

Maybe if you're all nice I'll update early again next week. (wink)

Love you all!

UO

(...I want cupcakes...)

(WHAT IS WITH ME AND WANTING SUGARY ITEMS?)