Australopithecus
His head was on a rock, a quite uncomfortable rock. He woke up and looked down at his hands, they were hairy. Hairier than usual. He'd almost say they were furry. Examining the rest of himself, he saw that this was a common theme about his body. There were others that looked much like him, each with a slightly different face. Some of them you could hardly tell whether they were man or woman, but there were four faces he recognized as his team and his employer. Ah yes, the beautiful face of Cuddy on the body of a distantly-ape hominid. Chattering her senseless ape chatter to his workers, who chortled in agreement he figured. By the looks on their faces, he could tell they were an unhappy bunch.
He sat up and tried to speak, where he muttered "Damn it." All the other hominids turned around. "Ha! Did you hear that? I can talk!" He stood up and jumped up and down. His leg didn't hurt, he didn't have his cane and he didn't need it. "I can walk!" Giddily he laughed like a school girl. "I am the more superior man in every which way!" Then he looked down. "But there is the whole matter of clothes..."
There was a textbook under his head. He was on the floor curled up under a table. He was sleeping peacefully like no one thought you could on the floor. His cane was in his arms, he was clutching it tightly. There were four other people in the room, huddled by the doorway. "I don't know what's wrong with him THIS time." Cameron told her fellow teammates. "But we might want to get him off the floor."
"That's a waste of time." Cuddy said as she walked to the window and pulled open the blinds. "We just wake him up."
"Have a heart." Cameron said, sounding more like an innocent fairy princess than a caring doctor. "He's probably sick."
"If he's sick he needs to be a patient, not sleeping on the floor." Cuddy tried to move him, kicking him ever so carefully with the toe of her shoe. "And I'm pretty sure now he's just faking it."
"One of you two HAS to agree that this is insane!" Cameron said, pointing at both Foreman and Chase.
"I agree with Cuddy." Foreman said. "If House is sick, he almost is never TRULY sick." Cameron rolled her eyes. "He faked brain cancer, and he gave himself a medically induced migraine."
"So? He's still a great doctor and a-"
"If you say a caring human being even you yourself know you're lying." Chase finished the thought. "I agree with Cuddy. He needs to be working or at home in bed if he's sick, not on the floor while we try and do a differential diagnosis without him."
"Damn it." House muttered without moving an inch.
"What?" Cameron squeaked.
"I don't know." Foreman and Chase mused.
"I knew he was awake!" Cuddy walked over to him. "Get up House, you guys have a case." Her voice got sweeter every word she said to him.
"Ha!" He continued. "I can talk!" He sat up, eyes still closed. He had rolled his way out from under the table and right beside Cuddy. He was leaning against her legs while he sat. He then stood up, and he jumped. "I can walk!" To his displeasure he fell flat on his face. His crystal blue eyes opened, his pupils were so dilated that you could hardly tell they were blue.
"House..." Cameron ran to his side. The rest of the team then followed.
"House, are you okay?" Chase asked, caring more that he may just be their next patient more than as a boss-employee relationship.
"I'm fine. Now you guys help me up." Chase and Cameron helped him up, and Foreman handed him his cane. "So you did get a shave." House said, petting his previously hominidic friend.
"House, sick or not you're still an ass." Foreman spat as House staggered over to Cuddy.
"You were even hot as an ape." House smiled coyly, his husky voice just as raspy as usual. He tried to stoop down and kiss her. She pushed him away quickly with a quick tap to the face.
"House are you high?" She asked.
"Now onto differential diagnosis. Cameron read me the case."
Cameron opened the file, Cuddy sat at the table. "Lucy, six years old. Restrictive pericarditis."
"Wow. Sure she's six?" House asked.
"As sure as I am here." Cuddy answered. "And as sure as I am NOT an ape!"
"Is it possible Lucy is..." Imaginary dramatic music plays in the back of House's mind. "An Australopithecus?"
"Our patient is not sub-human, House." Cuddy smirked.
"I was saying hominid, not sub-human." House corrected her.
"Why the sudden interest in pre-man history?" Cameron questioned. He just kind of looked at her with glasses over eyes. "I'm jumping the bandwagon. He's high."
*Could have multiple chapters up today. Whoopee!*