I Don't Care As Much

"I asked God to protect me from my enemies, and I started losing friends" ~Unknown

Brittany Miller

You could say that I walked with a chip on my shoulder the rest of the day. Not only had I lost a fight to that new snob May, but I also forgot to grab my cheer bag. I went back for it after crying in the girl's bathroom for a good twenty minutes only to find it missing. I rolled my eyes, fed up with the day completely. How could a day that started off so promising turn into a total nightmare? I mean, this morning Alvin even had the slightest consideration to carry my cheer bag. Sure, it was only about twenty feet to the front steps of the school, but it still counted… right? My shoulders slump forward ever so slightly as I walk down the crowded hallway. He probably doesn't even know how much he really matters…

I round the corner into the cafeteria and sit down next to Eleanor who is the only one there so far. I wait with my head propped up on my elbows, hating everything about the world. At least Eleanor has the decency not to ask the obvious question no matter how much I want her to. I mean, I want to talk about it… just not here. Not where everyone can watch me break down about a stupid boy who will never even reciprocate half of the feelings I have for him.

"Hello Brittany," Theodore says cheerfully, sitting down. "Hey Ellie," he gives her a secret smile. I feel like I'm intruding, sitting with the two. It only gets worse when Jeanette and Simon come in, speaking in code like they always do. I cover my head with my arms, begging for some sanity. The only thing that could possibly make this moment any worse…

"Hey Simon?" Jeanette says. I give her a sideways glance; bored enough to actually listen to the two nerds' hushed conversation. They're so shy… it's almost cute. Simon nods for her to continue through a bite of his lunch. "Have you met that new girl… May Button? She seems-"

"Like a total bitch?" I scream, standing up. I get a few glances from other tables, but calling someone a nasty word, no matter how out of line you are is just part of being a teenager in a public high school. Simon clears his throat, point behind me. "She's right behind me, isn't she?"

"Yup," he says, popping the 'p'. I roll my eyes, turning to face her. The poor girl probably couldn't make any friends with her attitude so now she's crawling back to me. But when I face her, I quickly sit back down, my face burning red with anger in embarrassment. W-was he with h-her? I turn my head slowly just so I could see the pair out of the corner of my eye. Sure enough, she stood there with her arm looped around his, laughing at one of his stupid jokes no doubt. And there he was, with his red cap hiding his eyes and a seductive grin plastered on his face… one that he would usually aim in my direction. The worst part of it was that he was leading her right over to our table.

I burry my head in my arms, too afraid of what she might do to me. Would she call me out again in front of the whole lunch period that she found size five pants in my gym locker? They were sweats for cheer…. Nothing more. I could feel hot tears… I knew that if I didn't try harder to grab Alvin's attention soon that he would move on… but to her? Why her?

"Brittany?" I can hear Jeanette's small voice in my ear. "Are you alright? What happened?" I nod into my arms, telling her not to worry. I could almost see her worried expression through my arms. I felt a hand on my back, and knowing that it's Eleanor, I take one of my arms out from under me to reach under the table and grab her hand… To tell her I need her.

"Well, hello everyone," I hear Alvin's voice but I don't look up. "This is my new friend May," I can see him gesturing to her in my mind. She flips her hair. Ugh. "May, these are my brothers Simon and Theodore. And my three best friends, Jeanette, Eleanor and… Brittany what are you doing?"

"She's tired!" Eleanor makes up a lame excuse.

"I'm fine," I lift my head to see Alvin's worried expression and May sneering next to him. The others must see it, right?

"Oh, I know you!" she smiles.

"No kidding," I scowl. "You've been harassing me all day."

"Don't be silly!" she squeals, not faltering a bit. "It was just simple teasing Britt, no need to have a cow." I don't respond to her excuses. I know what she's really thinking… she should go out for theatre instead of Volleyball. Alvin gives me a worried look, and knowing him for so long, I know that he understands why I'm upset… but he wants me to be strong for him. So it can work out for him and this girl… and I should let him. I don't want to be one of those girls… one of those girls that hold boys back from what they really want.

"Brittany," he whispers as May sits down. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," I give in, getting out of my seat to walk with him out into the courtyard. I glance back to watch the worried expressions of our siblings and the scowl of a certain May Button. "What do you want to talk about?" I ask him as soon as the lunch room doors close.

"Well…" he rubs the back of his neck. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"You?" I laugh. "Alvin Seville is actually concerned about something other than himself? I never thought I'd see the day!" I expected him to laugh… maybe even agree with me. But he frowns, casting his eyes to the ground. "Hey," I whisper, my voice lowering with worry. I tip his chin up so he's looking in my eyes. "What's wrong with you?"

"Your cheerleading bag is in my locker," he says simply. I gulp, knowing what was coming next. He avoids eye contact as he says "I know what she did to you… I know what she said but I think she's different…. I don't know, I kind of like her."

"Thanks for not totally crushing me," I shrug, sarcasm dripping in my voice. He has to notice… he'd be an idiot not to.

"What do you mean?" He finally meets my eye.

"Nothing," I shake my head.

"Can I tell you something?" he asks. I watch him for a full twenty seconds as he shifts his weight back and forth, his hands fidgeting. "The whole, honest to God truth?"

"Yeah," I nod.

"I always thought it'd be you and me against the world," he smiles weakly. "But meeting May… well, I realize that I was only kidding myself. You're my partner in crime but it's not like we'll ever be in love. Not real gushy, soul mate love anyways. You are my best friend Brittany Miller. Don't you ever forget that," he touches my shoulder lightly. I could have burst into a million pieces with that touch.

"Oh," is all I can get out.

"Thanks for understanding," he hugs me quickly, as not to make anything awkward. Did he know how much I wanted to just burry my face in his chest and cry? To have him stroke my hair, kiss my lips and whisper that he didn't mean it… any of it? Alvin smiles at me, saying "Remember? We'll sit together in French right?"

"Right," I nod politely. Alvin nods back, going back into the busy cafeteria. I can't hold it in anymore… Tears burst from my eyes and onto my cheeks like a dam breaking. I sob loud sobs all the way down the hall and into the girl's bathroom. I put the toilet seat down and sit myself down, taking in the world.

I knew it, but he finally said it…

Alvin Seville would never love me.

~Way to put it bluntly Alvie -_-

I'm liking the unknown quotes... it makes it more real :) Review!