Most people start their memoirs out with some clever punch line, some mysterious quotation from a world reendowed scholar, a reference to a historical event; something of that sort. My memoir I guess is different, you won't find any of those things. You will however find a typical childhood, a sudden tragedy, and a realization that you are never alone and that family comes in all walks of life.
One of my earliest memories in life being four years old and at my very first football match, that's soccer for you Yanks. I remember my father lifting me high in the stands so I could see Manchester United make a brilliant goal against Liverpool's goalie, I do not remember if I really understood the game or the significance of what was going on, but I do remember the emotions that swept me up from the others in the crowd and my own father, it was an exciting moment and my four year old mind fed off of that feeling.
From that memory until I was five nothing really stands out. I had a typical childhood. My father was a doctor at a hospital in London, my mother worked as a librarian for the secondary school in our village, we lived in a large house in a little town about an hour from London called Dunstable, our street was way off the main road and there were plenty of fields to run through and play. I had been born in Glasgow Scotland, but at the age of four we moved to Dunstable when dad was offered the exact position he dreamed of at the hospital he dreamed of working at…the University College of London Hospital about an hour from our home.
My life consisted of playing with my friends, cartoons on the telly, trying to stay up past my bedtime, and playing cricket and football with my father. He played on a Cricket club team on the weekends he wasn't at the hospital and he was training me so when I was old enough, I could play as well.
My father was a great bowler, cricket's not a complicated game, but I'll save the explanation for later since it plays a part later…but that was my life, I was five years old and those were my only concerns.
It's funny how in one instant, one flash second, one decision, can change a life forever, a life can be thrown upside down, turned inside out, and just royally messed up, but it's not necessarily the end of the world.
Five years old was a very important time in my life, I was attending school in what Americans call first grade, but in England it is reception class and was well on my way in the reading department, my father had bought me my own cricket ball and was teaching me to bowl like him, an American doctor friend of my father and his wife who at my christening were named my godparents were visiting my family for a few days, the first time in about two years. My godfather had attended the same university as dad and they had even been roommates, both wanting to be doctors they became close friends and when it came time to name godparents for me, my mum and dad could think of no one else they wanted more, and my six birthday was fast approaching, where among the gifts rumor was a puppy from my parents and a trip to the States to stay with my godparents over the coming Christmas holiday.
All of that came crashing down a month before my birthday, one cold November night my life completely changed.
It had been a long car ride, it is a six hour drive from our home in Dunstable to my aunt and uncle's farm in Glasgow Scotland, which means six hours back. Mum and dad split the driving duty, dad drove half way up and mum the rest of the way and the same would be true for the drive home. We had spent a long weekend at my aunt and uncles for my cousin's 13th birthday party.
My aunt had offered another night, and was pretty insistent from what I remember, but dad had a long shift coming up, I had school, and mum had classes coming into the library, we had all missed Thursday and Friday so we could be up in Scotland for a longer time and Dad didn't want to take any more time off, neither did mum, and neither wanted me out of lessons for three days as opposed to two, we were all exhausted and thus the decision just to head home was final.
I don't remember much of the ride home; I think I was nodding off. I remember the time we left the farm though, I had just learned to tell time with an analogue clock and it was four in the afternoon when my aunt and uncle hugged us and waved us on our way.
Like the drive too, mum and dad shifted. Mum wanted to drive the latter half, so dad could get some sleep, but he insisted, it was just starting to snow when we crossed the border back into England and mum never liked driving in the snow.
The road was dark, with lights every now and then and the sound of the wipers swish swashing against the glass of the windscreen, the sound of that back and forth motion was putting me to sleep, I remember my mother reaching into the backseat and pulling my blanket over me, tucking it around my body.
I don't remember the accident itself, a small blessing everyone called it. I remember a screeching sound, but I was nearly asleep so I thought I was dreaming.
When I woke up nothing seemed out of place, I was still in the car, though I knew we weren't moving, I felt like I was upside down or something, but attributed that to being so tired.
I thought maybe dad had stopped for petrol, because I could smell it, I remember shivering against the cold and mumbling for mummy to turn the heat up, I pulled my blanket over my nose to block out the smell of petrol, and I know I drifted off to sleep again before I received an answer about the heat.
When I woke up again, I knew something was different, out of place, even before my eyes opened.
I knew I was in a bed, but also knew it wasn't MY bed, the blankets were itchy and the pillow felt odd and to top it all off, my body ached…everything hurt.
It took me a second or two after opening my eyes, to realize that I was in the hospital, I was so scared, to scared to even move, I wanted to scream and cry for my parents, who I didn't see anywhere, and trust me when I say, I was very close to hysterics until a familiar face came into my line of sight.
It was my godmother, she had been sitting in a chair next to my bed, her hand gently clutching my own, the second she realized I was awake she was hugging and kissing me.
Then my godfather came into sight, he too came over and hugged me, gently I noticed. I became fully aware of the condition my body was in…my arm was wrapped in a bandage and resting in a sling, I had a collar around my neck, making it impossible for me to lower my head, and it was difficult to breathe.
Both of my godparents looked exhausted, and I knew something was very wrong by the look on their faces.
Trying to explain to a five year old why he is in the hospital couldn't have been an easy task. When my godfather asked me what I remembered, and I asked him "remember what?" they both realized I didn't remember the accident and to this day, I still don't.
Repressed memories? Perhaps, I just remember my mum pulling my blanket around me so I was warm.
My godparents tried to get me to relax, even fall back asleep, but I was frantically calling for my mum and my dad, asking where they were, unfortunately I got my answer…dad had been killed instantly, of course my godfather didn't use those exact words, actually, I'm not sure what he told me, or how he explained it to me…again, I think I blocked the memory out… While I was waking up, mum was in surgery, she died on the table, an hour into the surgery, without ever regaining consciousness.
I didn't find out until very recently exactly what happened with the accident, it wasn't anyone's fault, dad wasn't speeding, he hit a patch of black ice and lost control of the car, the car flipped twice before landing on the roof, which explains why I thought I was upside down, turns out I had been.
The smell of petrol I had experienced, that was fuel leaking from the tank soaking into the snow around the car and even snaking its way into the backseat where I was, I hadn't fallen back asleep, I had lost conscious from the fumes.
That accident triggered a series of events that changed my life. According to my parent's will, if anything should happen to them, they wanted my godparents to become my guardians.
So a week after the accident, I was released from the hospital, just in time to attend the funeral. Per their wishes, my parents were buried together in my father's side of the family's section of the small cemetery, next to the church my father and uncle had both attended their entire childhoods.
It was at this church my parent's had been wed, it was at this church I had been christened, and it was at this church, my mum and dad were honored and laid to rest.
It wasn't long after the funeral ended, when the arguments began. Despite the will, my aunt and uncle were prepared to fight my godparents for custody; they felt blood kinship overrode friendship.
I remember, I wasn't meant to overhear the argument, in fact I'm pretty sure my cousins were instructed to keep me occupied in the family room, while the grownups "discussed things" down the hall behind closed doors in the kitchen, but a movie was on the telly and thus my teenage cousins were distracted.
I wasn't in the mood to watch anything, so I wandered off, I think in search of my godparents, I wanted to be held, more than that, I wanted to be held by my godmother. So I made my way down the hall, just outside of the kitchen, I could hear my uncle arguing, his voice angry and very stern, which made me cower a little.
''e was my brother, Christian aur nephew, 'e should grow up with 'is family in 'is own country.'
His own country, that was what perked my attention and in my five year old mind it clicked, my godparents lived in the United States, in Alaska I think, which I knew meant I would live there too if I went with them.
'Takin' 'im away from 'ere can only 'urt 'im more, 'e's in a fragile state, uprootin' 'im like this is jus' cruel. 'e needs familiarity righ' now, more than anythin'' My aunt added, her voice was softer, less determined.
I know now that it wasn't because she didn't want me to live with her and my uncle, she wanted what was best for me and she knew that it was allowing me to go, but it was painful for her to admit that.
'It is not our intentions to hurt either of you or Christian…but if it was Tom and Becca's last wish that Christian come live with us, then we need to respect it. We were all there when the will was signed, Tom and Becca gave their reasoning.' Argued my godfather "and no one questioned it then, James."
'Carlisle, it's a little different readin' something on paper and actually 'earin' your only brother's will read after ya bury yer baby brother, 'earin 'tha' someone else will 'ave custody of 'is only son, yer only nephew. We're 'is family'
'And we are his godparents, we are family too.' My godmother finally spoke up, her voice strained and cracking from days worth of crying.
'Look,' I leaned closer to the door as a new voice entered the conversation, one that I recognized instantly, my dad's other best friend, Nick; Nick, dad, and Uncle James grew up together and while dad and Nick went onto University, Uncle James as the oldest in the family decided to give that up to hold onto the farm…
Nick who on top of being dad's oldest friend, was also his attorney. I can remember pretending to be a lawyer when Nick came to dinner with his wife Debbie they loved it and Nick always winked at dad telling him that I'd make a fine attorney and dad would always mutter something to him or throw something at him.
Dad wanted me to be a doctor like him and Carlisle, and the thought of me being a lawyer annoyed him.
'Whether you agree with it or not James, Tom and Becca made it very clear who they wanted to have custody of Chris. It wasn't personal and if you think of it James, they were thinking of you and Wendy when they did this.' Nick finished
'By taking our nephew from us and sending him to the States? How is that thinking of us Nick?' Auntie Wendy said softly, her voice cracking as Esme's had.
'Look at it from a financial perspective, are you and James ready to send three more kids to university if they want to go, four more if you add Chris into the picture, Greg is already there and his tuition is already unreasonable… Even with the financial portion of the will, your taking a big risk. I'm telling you this as your friend James, the Cullens are in a better position financially to raise Chris. Tom wanted all of the Callaghan kids to go to University, that's why he put that money aside for you and Wendy, to help pay for the kids when the time came…He knew if anything happened to him or Becca, Carlisle and Esme would take care of Chris and his future so you and Wendy could focus on Billy, Nathan, Greg, and Livia, and getting them where they want to go,' I wondered for a moment what financial was, it sounded important and I heard Uncle James slam his fist on the table
'This isn't about the bloody money Nick, its never been about the bloody money!' my uncle shouted as his fist pounded the table, I heard a glass dish fall from the table and smash to the floor and I cried out…I didn't mean to. I was trying to stay quiet so not to interrupt.
Within seconds the door opened and Auntie Wendy and Esme were in the doorway, Esme lifted me up and held me close as Auntie Wendy tried to sooth my tears. The argument was put on hold, for the moment, I remember looking past Esme and Auntie Wendy, looking at Uncle James, Carlisle, and Nick for a second or two, before burying my head in Esme's neck.
I must have fallen asleep in Esme's arms because I don't remember anything else about that argument or the couple days that followed the first memory I have after the argument was being on a plane, seated in between my godparents bound for the United States.
One thing I was excited for was the promise of siblings. I had been an only child and had always felt jealous of my cousins and friends who had extra playmates all the time. But that would not be the case anymore, I would have two older brothers and an older sister. Edward was the youngest after me, he had been adopted not long after my godparents married and he was nine, after Edward came Rosalie and Jasper, Rosalie and Jasper were my godmother's niece and nephew, and had lived with my godparents for a few years, I'm not sure why they lived with my godparents, but when they were eight, my godparents took full custody of them, when I came to live with the family, they had just celebrated their tenth birthday.
It was a long drive I remember from the airport to my new home about three hours, so my godparents expected me to fall asleep. But the truth is, since the accident I've never been able to fall asleep in a car, moving or parked. Not for lack of trying on their part, my godmother tried to make me as comfortable as possible in the car, she even sat in the backseat with me, my godfather even tried warm milk when he stopped at a rest area to get more petrol, nothing worked. Besides, who wanted to sleep when the wilds of America was laid out before my five year old eyes I was glued to the window, anxiously trying to spot a moose, something I was longing to see.
My new home was just outside a little town called Cantwell, and as we pulled up the drive, my new siblings came running out to greet us. I remember suddenly being nervous about meeting them and hid behind my godparents, hoping for their protection. I remember that Carlisle reached behind him and lifted me up into his arms holding me tight as Rosalie, Jasper, and Edward, followed by family friends who had stayed with them, came to a stop in front of us.
I remember we stared each other down, me from Carlisle's arms and my new siblings staring up at me. A few minutes passed of silence, before Rosalie spoke up, asking if I knew the Queen and if I had ever been to Buckingham Palace to play with the queens corgis and if knew the princes.
Those questions broke the ice between us as Carlisle slowly lowered me to the ground and my new sister began asking me all sorts of questions about England and giggling every time I spoke.
That first night is the strongest memory I have from the days that followed my arrival in Alaska, mainly because it was when the nightmares started up again, the first night was without a doubt the worse, even though it was not the only.
Though I don't remember the details very well, since I was only half awake during, Rosalie and Jasper told me that I woke up the house no less than twelve times that first night, though Edward argues that it was only four times, but he can sleep through a freight train so his opinion really doesn't count on that factor or so say Rosalie.
By the time my birthday, my first birthday and my first Christmas without my parents, had rolled around the nightmares had subsided to a weekly occurrence rather than a nightly one and it actually had it's benefits, my new siblings grew VERY protective of me so by the time I was ready to attend school with them I was able to experience what my cousins had, what I had always been jealous of, a family made up of more than just one kid and two parents. I missed my parents and to this day of course I still do, but I was quickly realizing, even at five years old that I have two sets of parents, two families, two of many pieces to who I am. Christian Callaghan and Christian Cullen."
I looked up at Mrs. Brown and she gave me a gentle smile, letting me know she thought I was finished.
"That was wonderful Chris"
"I do have the end of it written as well, my brother said something the other day and it reminded me of something I had heard when I was a little kid and I figured it would actually be a pretty good way to end my memoir when it is all done."
"Well then Chris lets hear it." I nodded and took a deep breath:
"Someone somewhere once said "The sun never sets on the British Empire". When I was a little kid three or four years old, I couldn't understand what that meant, I thought it meant the sun liked us Brits so much that it never wanted us to be in the dark, so I was really confused why the sun set every night and I thought maybe anything bad I had done during the day was the sun punishing us by making it night and making me have to go to bed. My parents thought it was, well cute.
It wasn't until I was older and living here in the United States did I fully understand the saying and how the sun never truly sets on the British Empire; even though most of our former colonies are independent by now and in the twenty-first century, Great Britain's dominance in the world is significantly smaller, our influence around the world has remained. The sun has not set on the British Empire, nor will it ever set, signs of the British Empire can be felt all over the world, from China to Africa, from India and Australia, to Canada and even in the United States of America, Brits are all over the world, the Sun of the British Empire has not set, no matter how small their influence is, even in a small town in Washington where the sun rarely shines, a Son of Great Britain remembers that the Sun will never nor has it ever set on the British Empire.
We weren't expected to have the entire memoir written, because it was such a weighty project, it would be due as part of our final at the end of the year, which gave me plenty of time to fill in the blanks, but that ending was perfect.
Emmett had actually come up with it, well he had a hand in its development. He was flipping through the channels and stopped on the history channel when Rosalie asked him a question, the narrator on the show about the history of Colonialism mentioned the old quote 'the sun never sets on the British Empire' Emmett overheard it and looked at me. His laughter and odd looks made me remember how funny I thought the quote was when I was a kid and how little I understood it as a much younger kid, the whole thing about thinking the sun liked us Brits and that anything bad I had done made the sun set, that's not made up, I am embarrassed to say as a five or six year old I truly believed that. But anyways something about it really felt like it completed the memoir.
When I finished reading I looked around at my classmates, Marie and Sara, even Jenna and Kelly, looked like they were going to cry and I panicked for a second, wondering if I had made it a little too sappy, the purpose of reading the ending was to counter any sappiness from the actual memoir and I had let everyone in my family read it before printing and they all said it was not sappy and sounded plausible. But I looked over at Mrs. Brown and she simply nodded her approval, before turning to Paul to go next.
After class I braced myself for the attack, which I was not disappointed by, as all the girls, not just Marie and Sara cornered me after the bell had rung. Because of teacher conferences tonight, we were missing out on our last two periods. As I walked to the door, I could hear the herd…and yes, they were a herd, of girls come up behind me.
"Chris that was so," Sara's voice trailed off, I turned to face the group.
"That was so sad" Kelly finished for Sara
"Do you still talk to your aunt and uncle?" Jenna asked, I looked over to Mrs. Brown for help, but she just smiled and waved at us, so much for my favorite teacher saving me.
"Um…once in a while," I answered "I visit them every couple of summers…" I paused "I'm not to big on flying so I don't go out there very often. It's nearly a six hour flight from Seattle to New York City, and then it's about 'nother six hours from New York to Glasgow's airport, that's twelve hours on a plane and that's eleven hours and 59 minutes more on a plane then I'm comfortable with. My cousin is supposed to be graduating this year and if she is we might be flying over there to attend the graduation."
The girls all exchanged a look and I silently groaned, we were still far from the main doors…far from escape.
"Were you scared? Flying here?" Sara asked. I stopped at my locker, but the girls still hovered as I pulled out my backpack and necessary books for the night.
When I shut and relocked my locker, I faced the girls, it was like the past two years had never happened and suddenly I wasn't one of the creepy Cullen kids, I was just Chris a 'nother kid.
It was as if I really was the Chris from my memoir. Even some of the guys in my class were hovering close, the only thing that would make this even funnier would be to see Janet's face, but I hadn't seen the Queen of the Gimp since homeroom.
"Were you Chris?" Jenna asked
"I don't know," I answered "I really don't remember much. It's kind of a blur…My god-parents told me I slept most of the time. But I'm assuming I was pretty terrified."
We were walking again, and were nearing the doors, I could hear the Audi's engine running, it's quiet to human ears, but to my superhuman ears I can hear the reving that naturally comes with the car, I had to get a new belt for the Audi to stop that noise.
"What's England like?" Paul asked, joining the herd of girls, an ambassador of sorts from the guys in my class. I looked around for a second, but thankfully, Marie came to my rescue.
"I asked him that last week, he doesn't remember much, he was only five." She explained,
"My godparents really helped me write my memoir. And I called my aunt and uncle to get a bit more. Both my godparents and my aunt and uncle really helped fill in the blanks on stuff I couldn't remember, like the argument, I had to get my godparents to fill in the details that I was blanking on, I knew there had been an argument, I remember that I came in right at my uncle mentioning me leaving England, but that's pretty much it." I explained to my apparent captive audience.
We had reached the exit now, I could see the Audi in the line of waiting cars, even with the distance as soon as we stepped out of the building I could see the approving smile on Esme's face.
Everyone said goodbye to me, most of my classmates take one of the two busses, but Marie gets a ride from her mom, Mrs. Burke works over at the elementary school as the librarian, but she also helps out at the middle and high school libraries, especially during finals when her presence is needed at the high school more than the elementary, it's just easier for her to pick Marie up from school, she took a personal day I guess to be able to pick her up.
"So I'll see you tonight?" Marie asked shyly,
"Sure…we'll be here 'bout 5:00, is that ok?"
"Uh huh, the movie doesn't start until eight-thirty, so that gives us plenty of time to get to Port Angles and eat dinner."
"Uh, right, so what movie did we end up with?"
Marie smiled wide
"That's for me to know and you to find out. Don't you trust me Chris?"
I returned the grin,
"Maybe." I replied I glanced over my shoulder "see you later,"
"K." Marie said softly, giving me a wave, before heading over to her mom's car.
I sighed again and walked over to the waiting Audi.