I Don't Care As Much

"A boy is a magical creature - you can lock him out of your workshop, but you can't lock him out of your heart." ~Allan Beck

Brittany Miller

I walk to school with my hood tightly over my head in order to keep out the rain. The snow had only lasted mere days and now the regular weather patterns were picking up again. I continue on my way, splashing through puddles and hugging my books to my chest. Jeanette and Eleanor were driving to school, but I insisted on walking. What happened at the volleyball game still haunted me. Alvin couldn't have been fine… I mean, his shoulder was black and blue! All signs pointed to May, but he wouldn't even admit it… It seems so obvious to me. But Alvin won't even attempt to see it.

But not today. Today I am marching right up to him, even if May is there, to convince him that he's making the wrong choice. I mean, what have I been doing all these years? Messing around with a train wreck of a boy for no reason? Of course not! I've pictured all of my life that Alvin would someday be mine. I wasn't about to give that up. Not anymore.

I round into the parking lot in hot pursuit, my eyes scanning every car and student loitering in the rain. I'm about to give up when I get towards the front of the school. No sign of Alvin or his obnoxious girlfriend. "Oh Alvie," someone purrs directly to my left. My whole face clams up and I drop immediately next to a tiny red car. I peer over the hood only to find Alvin leaning against it while May tackles him from the front, letting her travel across his lips, cheeks and neck. But what breaks my heart is the satisfied smile playing across Alvin's features. He's enjoying this. "Remember how I'm going to make it up to you?" she whispers, walking her fingers up his chest. He tucks a piece of blond hair behind her ear and nods. "Well, I know what I'm going to do."

"Really?" he raises an eyebrow, smirking at her. I'm secretly dying inside… That smirk belongs to me.

"Your house," she says, kissing him passionately on the lips. They meld into each other until she breaks away. "Tonight, eight o'clock. Your family will be out then, right?"

"Right," he nods. "Their getting a birthday present for mom… I already got her one. Such procrastinators," he rolls his eyes, making her laugh. I'm sure all Vinny was getting from Alvin was a sloppy homemade card. Though it wouldn't matter… she'd love it anyhow. Vinny enjoyed the simple things in life far more than anyone else I had ever met. May gives him a small nod, kisses his cheek and skips off towards school. Alvin just sits there though, smiling at the prospects of his beloved May. I want to gag. She doesn't know anything about him… and obviously, he didn't know much about her either.

"Alvin?" I stand up, acting as if I had just walked up. He jumps a little, watching me intently. His smile is gone and his stare is unpleasant. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask bashfully, hugging my books tighter. It was a stupid question; I knew exactly why he was looking at me like that. He resented me… because of her. "Alvin, all I'm asking is for you to talk to me."

"I can't," he says sounding frustrated. He spoke to me as if I was a nuisance who just didn't get it. It isn't me! It's him who doesn't understand that she's slowly hurting him beyond repair. This isn't the boy I know… this isn't Alvin. "Brittany," he sighs slowly when I don't answer him. "You just don't understand. Things are different now."

"Why?" I scream back with sudden rage. Tears come to my eyes as rain pours down all around us. Alvin's gaze drops as he stands there with his hands in his pockets. "Why does it have to be different? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," he whispers. I swear I can see a glisten of a tear on his right cheek, but then again, maybe it's just the rain. Alvin looks up at me for only a moment. His blue eyes spell out so much sadness and anger that it rips me in two. He wants to be strong and have May at his side… but he doesn't understand that it's hurting him. The boy looking out at me through those blue eyes knows it… why doesn't Alvin?

"Don't be afraid," I whisper, but he's already turned on his heel and rushed into school.

O0o0o0o0O

The only thing keeping me company at this point was the sounds of my own sobs. They weren't petty, cute tears either. No, these were ugly crocodile tears. With a tub of ice cream between my knees and The Notebook blasting from the tiny television I stole from Miss Miller's room.

"God dammit!" I scream with my giant spoon still hanging halfway out of my mouth. "Fuck you Ryan Gosling! Just get out!" The scene on the screen is rapidly changing and the characters are screaming and yelling at each other. I'm watching wide eyed, my heart pounding. I know what's coming next as the rain falls all around the couple. The seemingly impossible happens… they kiss. They join together in complete passion and love. "No!" I growl under my breath. "It doesn't work like that! It isn't that easy!"

"Brittany," a low voice comes from the door. I look up to see Eleanor leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed. She looks at me pityingly. Jeanette shyly joins her, watching me more with a sense of fear. I must look like a train wreck. Make-up smeared all over my face, ice cream dripping down my chin while my hair is tangled into horrid mass.

"This can't be healthy," Jeanette sighs, her shoulders slumping forward.

"Britt," Eleanor's smile turns gentler as she comes and sits next to me. She turns off the movie, sets aside the ice cream tub, and turns on the lamp beside my bed. Eleanor kneels on my bed in front of me while Jeanette hangs back a little, simply watching the scene unfold in front of her. "This isn't you… you're stronger than this."

"I don't think so Eleanor," I tell her, pleading with my eyes to just leave. To let me curl up in our room and just cry buckets. To let the pain out… they've understood in the past. What was so different about now? The answer was right there in front of me… but I refused to believe it. This time they didn't foresee Alvin and I's happy ending. They didn't even see the sweet make up he would put together to regain our friendship. None of it would be there because this wasn't between Alvin and I. This was about May Button. But could I really blame her? I didn't act fast enough… I was stupid enough to let him slip through my fingers… just like that, the tears start rolling. Ever so carefully, I feel my sisters' arms around me. I lean my head against Eleanor's shoulder while wrapping my arm firmly around Jeanette's small frame.

"You need to tell him," Jeanette whispers in my ear. "After years and years of living across the street from the Seville's, I've noticed one thing," she smirks, making eyebrows pull together. "They're all incredibly dull. Even Simon."

Eleanor and I can't help but laugh at this. "No he isn't!" Eleanor shoves Jeanette a little. "Besides, Teddy is incredibly… undull. Sometimes," she whispers the last part, sending us all into a new fit of laughter.

"That's not what I meant," Jeanette tries to regain her composure. "None of those boys understand what it means when a girls drops hints or anything like that! All three of them are amazingly blunt."

"No wonder…" Eleanor trails off, scowling a little.

"But I can't do that!" I argue with Jeanette. "I couldn't just knock on their door and tell Alvin Seville that I love him. It's impossible… besides, he's seeing May tonight."

"When?" Jeanette turns to me, that knowing look on her face. She always has that look. Her green eyes light up a little and her features pull into a small smile. Many would mistake this with happiness, but Jeanette's emotions are subtle and hardly changing. Being her sister, I knew that my baby sister was up to something.

"Eight o'clock," I give in, too curious to ask questions. Despite me being the mischievous one in the family, Jeanette has a better track record of success.

"You have plenty of time then," she says, pointing to the watch strapped to her wrist. "We'll just do you up a bit and you can go over and spill your heart out. It should be easy… no chance of you running into May. And if she's early then you can always climb out of the bathroom window. I'm sure you'd be good at that," Jeanette winks. I climbed out of the bathroom window at Tolo when I asked Jimmy McFearson to the dance. Creepiest kid I ever met.

I remember how it was raining when I got out in my little pink dress. How I tried desperately to wave down a cab but the area was too busy and crowded for anyone to come to my aid. That is, until Alvin showed up. No one had asked him… or at least, that's what he claimed. He asked me to dance right there in the rain. I refused of course, seeing that my hair was already beginning to frizz out. He had laughed, pulled my waist to his torso and began to waltzes. It was sloppy and even a little silly. I was standing on his feet with my shoes kicked off to the side, loving every moment that the rain had to offer us. After, he had brought me home, kissed my hand like a real ladies man and that was it. He was gone.

"I suppose," I tell Jeanette. "It's worth a shot."

"Then what are you waiting for?" Eleanor jumps up, plugging in the curling iron and turning up the radio all in one motion. Even Jeanette shook her hips as she picked out a simple outfit. I smile at my sisters… maybe things were starting to look up.

~May: EXCUSE ME?

Bleh, get over it! Thanks you guys for all the reviews! They mean the world to me! Sorry for the use of the F word, but we all use it when we get really angry/upset, right? Or is that just me…? Oh well! I've used it before; you all should be used to it! Hope you enjoyed :)

-Hey. Sorry for the lack of updates... Finals totally killed my creativity, but I hope you enjoyed. Hey... I said that twice ;)