Title: You Found Me

Full Summary:Edward Masen has lived the life of a nomadic vampire, travelling with James and Victoria since he awoke as an immortal. His ability to read minds has had the unusual side effect of making him a vampire with a conscience. Despite the ridicule from his coven mates, he's confident he's making the best of his existence and doing what's morally right... until he stumbles upon a brown-eyed girl reading in a meadow in Forks. As he attempts to befriend her and learns more about the sleepy town of Forks, Edward finds there's a lot more to being a vampire than he ever thought possible.

Pairings: Canon

Rating: M, for language and future sexing.

Chapter: Twelve; Anxious

POV: Edward

AN: Sorry for the posting delay. I don't really have any excuses… but I do have the longest chapter to date, so hopefully that makes up for it :) We've also moved away from the fluff and onto some weightier material. Be warned, this chapter has some violence that earns its M rating.

xx

Bella grinned welcomingly at the boy.

I scowled. How did he know Bella? She had never mentioned a classmate named Embry. Embry was a stupid name.

He crossed the distance separating him from Bella in a few long strides, stopping a few feet from where she sat. A safe, friendly distance.

He paid no attention to me. He didn't even seem to notice me sitting at the foot of her chair.

The closer he came, the more tense my shoulders became. My muscles felt like they might seize when I caught a whiff of a recognizable scent. A shot of terror rushed through me.

He smelled like one of the wolves from the forest; a strange and putrid earthy scent reminiscent of wet dog. The smell was almost intolerable but still distinct enough that I could differentiate it from the others of his kind. He was definitely one of the five I'd had the pleasure of meeting. A quick recall of my memories of that night drew a mention of his name.

So this was one of the humanoid dogs. My glimpses into their minds had revealed the faces of several Native American teenagers but I'd had no reason to directly link them to the wolves.

Now it was clear that the dogs and the boys were one and the same. They must be some kind of shapeshifers, to be able to move fluidly from human to wolf. It was illogical, but I'd been living with the seemingly illogical for decades. At least this explained the unusual attachment the wolves had to saving human life and how they had known of my Bella.

I leaned against the foot of Bella's chair, terror, anger and confusion mingling in my chest. I had no idea what I should do to ensure my safety or Bella's. I didn't want him to reveal anything to Bella whom he obviously cared about on some level. Nor did I want him to step any closer to her. I didn't want to have to lash out at him to keep him away but I simply didn't trust him. He might be wired to instinctually protect humans but he was still a wolf.

He would notice my scent sooner or later, though I wasn't sure he would have heightened senses he obviously had in his wolf form. I sat, contemplating my options, undulating between wanting to indulge my instinct to take flight and my instinct to fight.

"I was just in town picking up some things for my mom," Embry explained casually as I fumed. "How have you been? You haven't been around to the rez in a while. Everyone's wondering where you've disappeared to. Jake's going nuts." He focused his dark brown eyes on Bella. She tilted her head downward, her cheeks reddening at the scrutiny.

I didn't like his brotherly affection. She wasn't his to protect. She was mine.

"I'm good." She smiled half-heartedly, turning her attention to me, a grin on her face. "This is my friend Edward."

My stomach twisted, though the pride in her voice made up for it somewhat.

His gaze shifted to me, darkening in recognition. An image of my face against the mossy green and brown backdrop of the forest floated through his thoughts. Though he attempted a smile, the result was stiff. His face held none of the warmth Bella's did.

He was clearly fighting his instinct to rip me limb from limb. His thoughts were murmuring the alpha's orders on repeat. Apparently he couldn't disobey, even if he wanted to. Interesting.

I bared my teeth at him, just barely managing to curl my lips into the illusion of a smile. His teeth grit together in response.

He's one of Cullen's. Remember what Sam said. He won't hurt anyone. Just don't look at his eyes. Fucking disgusting.

Cullen.

There was that name again.

I really wanted to know who the fuck Cullen was and what he wanted from me. What did this dog mean when he said I was "one of his?" I'd never met anyone named Cullen nor had I sworn my loyalty to him. After a hundred years on this planet I'd learned that nothing, especially not protection, came without a price. I wanted to know whom I owed debts.

"Hello Edward," he said awkwardly after a too-long beat of silence.

I nodded, addressing him in kind. "It's nice to meet you," I forced myself to add, trying to infuse the phrase with some warmth.

He didn't extend his hand and neither did I.

Bella looked back and forth between us, concerned. "Do you guys know one another?" she asked, placing a hand on my shoulder to gain my attention. I refused to tear my eyes from the dog. I didn't like unpredictability, especially when said unpredictability was looking at Bella like that.

Why, yes, Bella, I do know him, Embry answered in his head, mockingly. Since when do you associate with cold-blooded killers? Trust Bella to befriend a vampire.

I narrowed my eyes at him. He stared back unperturbed.

"No," we echoed, still staring one another down.

"Okay," she drawled with a note of distrust.

"Suspicious much, Bella?" I teased, making light of the situation in an attempt to diffuse the rapidly mounting tension.

My strained smile melted into a more genuine one when I forced myself to meet her eyes. I was careful to keep the wolf in my peripherals.

His eyes softened at my gentle interactions with her, especially when she innocently reached to squeeze my hand.

The physical interaction between us seemed to set him at ease, if only slightly. He didn't look in danger of pouncing on me anymore.

Weird. He's teasing her and letting her… touch him. Maybe he does care about her? No. Red eyes don't have morals. They definitely don't make friends. They're predators. If he hasn't harmed her yet… what is he waiting for?

"Erm, yeah, Edward here, um… he just looks like someone I thought I knew. Uh, the doctor's son."

"Doctor?" Bella asked, confused. "Dr. Gerandy has two daughters."

Embry shifted uncomfortably. "Um, no… Dr. Cullen. The one with the freaky army of adopted kids."

So Cullen was the town's philanthropic doctor. What the fuck did some human doctor have to do with me? The more I learned, the more confused I became.

Bella crossed her arms, apparently offended by Embry's imprudent evaluation of Dr. Cullen and his children.

"That's so… Shut up. They're nice. His youngest daughter, Alice, was my partner for a Spanish oral. She's a little bubbly… but sweet."

Geez. Now she's defending the rest of the Cullens, too?

Embry scratched his head absently, more uncomfortable than ever. "Sorry, sorry. I'm sure they're great. I just thought Edward was supposed to be one of them."

Bella arched an eyebrow at him curiously. "Supposed to be one of them?" she repeated questioningly. "What does that mean? How would know about what Edward is 'supposed' to be, if you've never met him?"

I had to admit it was kind of funny to see him caught in the lie. Bella was too perceptive for her own good. Thank god she hadn't turned her questioning on me. The dog could deal with the hole he'd dug himself. I was sure he was good at that; he had to bury his doggie treats somewhere.

He sighed internally, a frustrated mental huff echoing through his mind into mine.

"Nothing. Wrong word choice. I just meant I thought he looked like one of Dr. Cullen's kids."

"No." Bella shook her head suspiciously. "The three of them go to my school. Edward looks nothing like any of them." She turned to me. "Edward's new in town. He lives with his sister and brother-in-law."

If he's not one of them then why would Cullen… Wait. Two others? …The sadistic twins? He's with them? Cullen never mentioned them. They better still be fair game! I wonder what this one did to earn a get out of jail free card?

He nodded, clearly uncomfortable. "Okay. Cool. Guess I was wrong then."

He glanced to the exit, prompting Bella to ask, "You want to stay and hang out with us?" I was pleased to note that it seemed she was only asking to be polite. "We're just sitting around reading."

He briefly considered staying to ensure her safety, ultimately deciding that I didn't pose an immediate threat to her.

"Thanks for the offer, Bells, but I gotta get going. Mom's waiting. Just… be careful, alright? Don't get yourself into any trouble. And call Jake. Please. You shutting him out is killing him. I know he's a jackass, but give him a chance to explain, okay? It's important." His eyes flicked to me almost imperceptibly.

She rolled her eyes at the request but waved goodbye warmly, anyway. "Okay, okay. Call Jake. Got it. I'll see you around?"

He nodded and waved back, shooting one last glare at me before disappearing out the door. I offered a small, peaceable wave. I was glad to see him leave more than anything else.

I breathed a sigh of relief once he was gone. The odor of dog lingered, but Bella was safe and for some strange reason Embry hadn't revealed my secrets to her. I supposed he had his own secrets to keep. I almost felt a kinship with him. Or I might have if he hadn't smelled so disgusting.

"Okay," Bella rounded on me. "What was that? Some weird guy meeting ritual I don't know about?"

xx

I watched contentedly as Bella climbed the steps to her home, a small smile gracing her delicate features. She turned to wave at me, her grin widening.

I rolled down one of the automatic windows to return the gesture and mouth that I'd meet her in the meadow the following day. Just in case she didn't understand, I pointed exaggeratedly behind her house, where the meadow lay.

She nodded, her expression bright, and climbed the last few steps before disappearing into the house.

I stayed parked in the driveway for a few moments, listening to her interact with her father. Their familial interactions made me feel slightly nostalgic. Despite their slightly distant interactions, it was clear they loved one another.

It made me long for my mother's quiet affection and my own human days.

I wondered, not for the first time, if I was doing the right thing by drawing Bella into my world. Whether it was tomorrow or two years from now, being with me would ultimately cost her the relationships she shared with her parents.

My thoughts heavy, I reversed the Vanquish, speeding toward Seattle.

It had been a while since I'd hunted. My eyes had to be nearly black rather than their usual burgundy. I didn't want Bella to notice. She was curious enough as it was; I didn't need to make it worse. Embry hadn't helped matters. If any more red flags were raised, I wouldn't be able to avoid answering her questions any longer.

It was easier to trust myself around her when I wasn't thirsty, too. I knew I'd never purposely hurt her – that was one of very few things in the world that I was absolutely certain of – but a thirsty vampire was an unpredictable vampire. Risking her life simply because I hadn't hunted recently was unthinkable.

I needed the opportunity to clear my head. So much of my life was up in the air. Giving myself up to my instincts and the buzz of human thoughts in the city, while I searched for appropriate prey, would afford me that. For a few hours at least.

xx

I stashed the car in a seedy looking parking garage once I reached the outskirts of Seattle. I wouldn't be surprised to find it vandalized or stolen upon my return but I didn't really care. It was preferable to James knowing Bella existed.

Given the sheer number of overlapping scents in city areas, it was more difficult to trace scents. James disliked cities for that reason. As a tracker, he preferred unhindered access to scents and avoided urban areas whenever possible. Since the car was permeated with Bella's scent I wouldn't risk leaving it anywhere he would be likely to find it.

I doubted I would return to the car any time soon anyway. I could return to Forks much more quickly on foot. Avoiding traffic and the need to interact with humans were a bonus.

I locked the car with the little electronic button on my keys, though it probably wouldn't make much difference, and stashed them in my pocket, making a mental note to keep them away from James or Victoria's prying eyes.

I had no doubt that if James found the keys, he would be able to locate the car. As disturbing as I found him in so many aspects of life, I'd learned never to underestimate his ability to find the things he wanted, even if he had no discernable reason for wanting them. If he wanted to know what the keys unlocked, he'd find it.

I strolled down the darkening streets, suddenly ravenous. The scent of human activity lingered in the air, overpowering even the smoggy burnt-petrol smell that blanketed the city.

I wasn't sure what I was looking for. I never was. I'd know when I found it.

I opened my mind to the thoughts around me, attempting to locate someone in distress. I heard a few petty, non-violent domestic disturbances.

A husband and wife arguing about infidelity. Though his hands were balled into fists, it was clear to me that he had no intention of hitting her.

Two men brawling in a bar over who should pay the tab. They were both riled up, but neither seemed to be inherently violent.

A teenager attempting to rob a liquor store. His thoughts were more shaky and nervous than those of the cashier he was holding up with his father's handgun.

Just small, forgivable infractions in the scope of human life. Nothing to warrant a death sentence.

I pulled my jacket tighter around myself, ducking my shoulders to keep my face from being visible. I walked quickly through the alleyways, preparing myself for another long night. On a good night I could locate a victim in a couple hours.

It had been less than ten minutes and I was already getting antsy to find the satisfaction of my next meal. I wanted nothing more than to go home and not have to worry about feeding for another week or two.

I decided might have better luck in shadier part of town.

Guided by thoughts of wary women clutching their bags close with one hand, the other curled around the nozzle of a can of pepper spray, I was easily able to gauge a direction.

The setting sun signaled that the shady characters that made up part of urban landscape would begin to crawl out of the woodwork soon. Experience told me that criminals preferred the cover of night. It was still earlier than I tended to find my prey but tonight I was lucky.

It didn't take long to locate a young girl being abused in the alley behind what seemed to be a seedy-looking strip club with broken neon signs.

I weaved through the cityscape towards the club, following the anguished sounds of her mental pleas. Her thoughts were so intense, they rose above the din of other thoughts surrounding me. I had to make a conscious effort to ignore the cruel thoughts of the bulky man looming above her. His thoughts were loud, almost as loud as hers. He was enjoying her fear.

Avoiding the thoughts of the would-be killer was almost always necessary. I couldn't bear to look at the victim's faces through their eyes, nor hear the grotesque things they were planning to do, without feeling murderous rage myself. If I wanted to keep myself under control and avoid unleashing on an unintended target, there was no room for slippage.

I hadn't gotten far when I spotted the broken signage from the desperate girl's drunken, inconsistent memories.

It struck me as sad that, had it not been for fate placing me in this moment, the poor girl's last memories might be of the dingy signage outside a strip club.

My feet echoed loudly on the pavement as I rounded the building. I didn't care if the man was alerted to my presence. It never made a difference. By the end of the confrontation he would be dead and I would have one more victim under my belt.

He was more observant than most. He noticed me immediately, an annoyed sneer overtaking his face at the thought of having to deal with a disruption. He considered killing me to ensure my silence. He didn't want to risk going to jail again.

He growled at me, hardly sparing a glance over his shoulder. His bulky form hid the girl he was terrorizing from view.

Only a long wisp of brown hair was visible beyond his muscled shoulder. The sight of it reminded me of Bella. The thought of her hurt lit a fire of fury. The sooner this was over, the better.

"Get the fuck outta here, kid," he snarled at me. "Didn't your mama ever teach you it's rude to walk in on things that ain't your business? Fuck. Off."

He turned back to the girl he had in a stranglehold against the brick wall of the club, effectively giving me the brush off. He probably expected me to flee in terror. If only. Intimidation was my game.

I leaned against the nearby brick wall nonchalantly, scuffing my feet on the pavement loudly enough to draw his attention. Knowing it would irritate him, I slumped back casually, masking my fury with boredom. I even picked at a fingernail just to further his annoyance.

"My mother taught me it's not polite to hit girls," I said in my most affable tone.

"What did I say about things that aren't your business?" he roared, fixing his dark, bloodshot eyes on me.

He looked slightly more wary than before, though not quite threatened. Some innate part of him knew I was a danger to him but he was too cocky and over-confident in his own brute strength to listen to his instincts.

"Look, I don't wanna have to kick your scrawny, retarded little ass into next Tuesday. But if you don't butt the fuck out and leave me to deal with my business, you're gonna leave me no fucking choice."

"I'd like to see you try," I muttered. My tone pissed him off.

He dropped the girl like she was on fire. She let loose some gut-wrenching sobs, clutching her throat and cowering into the pavement as if it could protect her. I got my first good look at her. I had to swallow down the painful lump of anger that had settled in my throat in order to focus on the man.

The girl didn't just have Bella's hair colour. She looked eerily like her. She had big, brown eyes, and pale skin. She was probably even around the same age. The similarities were uncanny.

There were differences, too. The girl was wearing far too much makeup and her skirt was too short, much shorter than anything I'd ever seen on my brown-eyed girl. She smelled different and I could hear her thoughts.

Even knowing it wasn't Bella, the eerie similarities were enough to intensify my rage to a dangerous degree. I felt dangerously out of control of my own temper.

I wondered briefly if the desire to hurt and cause pain, simply to watch the suffering was how James felt when he selected his prey. I didn't care. If I had to stoop to the level of cold depravity that James did in order to show this man the ending he deserved, so be it.

I waited patiently as he tried to intimidate me into leaving, stomping heavily towards me. His thoughts were buzzing with wonder, surprised that I – a preppy kid, in navy Dockers – was standing my ground against him.

He was a definitive bully; he wasn't used to anyone challenging him. Those who did were usually shoved into submission by his bark alone. There was rarely an opportunity for him to employ his bite, other than for the sheer thrill of it. Unfortunately for him, my bite was a lot worse than his would ever be.

He reached a meaty fist out, wrapping his fingers around my neck. I allowed him. It would be more satisfying to see him give me his best shot and fail miserably before I killed him.

The girl squeaked in terror, not daring to move, fearing retribution from the scum who was currently allowing to touch me. Shoving down my disgust at that fact, I pasted on my bored expression. Nothing was more infuriating to a bully than realizing their intimidation tactics weren't intimidating at all.

He'd had no qualms about beating a man into an unconscious state – one he had never awoken from – only a week before. He recalled the event now, not in regret, but to bolster his courage and ratchet up his self-esteem as he faced me down.

I allowed him to squeeze with all his might. The granite of my throat didn't give way even a fraction of an inch.

"Are you done, yet?" I asked, in a perfectly flat voice, without even a hint of the breathlessness he was expecting.

"What the fuck are you on, kid? That shit ain't right."

Of course he would think I was drugged. Drugs were a commonplace part of his life and the most rational explanation for things he didn't understand.

I couldn't be a fantastic monster. I was just a kid hopped up on something that nullified my pain and made me irrationally invincible. That way he didn't have to face his own shortcomings, and the fact that his brute force wasn't enough to save his life.

I could read the fear slowly creeping into his eyes as his body caught up with his subconscious already knew. He let me go, already backing away.

He didn't get far. The moment he turned to run, I grabbed him by one of his cowardly retreating ankles. I hung him upside-down for a moment, baring my teeth at him and hissing, just to see the terror shoot across his expression, shortly followed by the expulsion of all liquids from his nether regions as fear gripped him so tightly he lost all control of his bodily functions.

"What do you say to the lady?" I growled at him, turning him roughly to face her. His fragile ankle snapped with the brusque movement. He pleaded for his life, promising me an array of things I didn't want, or have any need for.

The sole thing he had that I envied – humanity – he was squandering, foolishly.

"I'm sorry! Bree, I'm sorry! Make him stop! Please! I'll do anything! Bree! Tell him!" he begged uselessly.

The girl just sobbed harder. She was just as terrified of me as he was and didn't dare speak. I didn't blame her. Witnessing an angry vampire was not something she'd soon forget.

Pleased I'd served my purpose, I flung the dirtbag against the wall of the building opposite the girl. I heard several bones crunch. I could smell blood. It taunted my thirst. He was out cold but still alive. His heart still beat faintly.

The girl, Bree, screamed in terror as I stalked slowly across the dark alley toward him.

Just before I crossed her path, she called out to me, clearly scared out of her wits. "Pl-pl-please do – don't kkkill him. Pl-please," she stammered through sobs.

I stopped in my tracks, shocked she'd beg for his life to be spared.

I didn't usually talk to anyone during my hunts because it was too much of a liability, but this girl, Bella's doppelganger, made me want to comfort her, to assure her that everything would be okay.

I turned on her, probably less delicately than I should have, given the circumstances. "What? Why?" I snapped. "He's a monster. He was hurting you. He would have killed you without a second thought. How can you not want that kind of terrorizing influence removed from your life?"

She focused her Bella-like eyes on me. I looked away, unable to look at them and maintain my murderous train of thought.

"He's my brother," she muttered, more audible now that her sobs were waning. She was no longer worried I might kill her. She more worried about the man who had just attempted to end her life. "He doesn't mean what he does. He wasn't always like this. He's not a bad person." For someone strung out on a cocktail of mind-altering substances, she was surprisingly coherent.

I scoffed. I knew the kind of thoughts he harbored. This wasn't his first violent act, and I highly doubted it would be the last.

"That is debatable," I countered. "Do you have any idea the things that were going through his mind when he was hurting you?"

She chanced a defiant look in my direction. Despite her sloppy, wasted state, the resistance was a spark in her otherwise dull, beaten expression.

"No. You do?"

There was no harm in answering truthfully. She was so drugged, there was no hope of her ever being able to separate fact from fiction the next day.

"Yes. Your brother is a pathetic excuse for a human being… his thoughts delve into territory beyond despicable. Appalling is hardly a strong enough word to describe them. His death will be a service to society."

She shrugged, clutching her tiny halter top and crossing her arms around her torso protectively. Given the cool weather this time of year, she had to be freezing.

"It doesn't matter what he's thinking. He doesn't deserve to die. He has the potential for redemption, still. Who are you to decide who gets to live and who dies, anyway?"

I growled. I was thirsty. The smell of blood was like a siren song. Why the fuck was this girl so philosophical in her pathetic state of mind? And why didn't I have an answer for her?

"Because I'm a vampire, and I'm hungry and I need to eat someone, that's why," didn't sound like a good answer. It sounded… pathetic. I suddenly didn't feel quite so ravenously thirsty.

I'd always thought I'd been on the side of right. I'd thought that the women from whom I pried abusive men would be happier with the poisonous presence removed from their lives.

I'd never once asked, I'd made that assumption on their behalf. I'd been playing a twisted, uncompromising sort of God. I was just as abusive as those I was killing.

The thought of being as cruel and merciless as the men I'd been hunting for decades made me feel sick to my stomach.

"No one."

My voice sounded just as hollow as I felt.

Still feeling as if I were on the verge of expelling what little blood was left in my system, I turned and set off at a sprint. I would be nothing more than a blur in the dark to passing humans. If anyone were to catch sight of me, they'd assume I was a figment of their imagination.

It didn't take long to reach the city limits. I reached Forks and before I knew it, I was splayed in the little meadow that reminded me so much of Bella, harshly breathing in and out.

In the darkness, it looked different, empty. Breathing her scent, coupled with the sweetness of the wildflowers and grass reminded me that it was anything but cold and empty. It was full of memories and the best days of my life.

For a place I'd dreaded coming, the sleepy town of Forks had become more of a haven to me than I realized.

Perhaps that had more to do with who was living in it than the town itself.

As hungry as I had been – and still was, on a physiological level – Bella's scent nullified my thirst, immediately. I couldn't comprehend the thought of drinking from a human when I was surrounded by her. If I let myself follow my instincts, it would be her life lost, and that was unacceptable. So my hunger was reflexively squashed.

The very notion of trying to hunt humans, at all, made me feel sick. Bree's words thumped painfully in my head.

I'd always been teased by James and Victoria for having an overly large conscience for a vampire but this was ridiculous. I had to hunt to survive. If I couldn't hunt, I was effectively killing myself. I would have to get over this ridiculous mental block.

I had no idea what would happen to me if I didn't hunt for a prolonged period of time. I'd never gone much longer than a couple weeks without fresh blood. I already hunted much less than the average vampire, given my limited diet and stringent moral code.

If I were to make it any more stringent than it already was, there would be nothing left for me to hunt. I couldn't think of anything worse than lowlife criminals. Convicts who'd already had their chance at trial? Then, I wouldn't be playing God. I'd be doing the justice system a favour. But no, that would be an impossible undertaking; it would draw too much attention.

There was nothing else.

If I didn't hunt, would I even be able to be around Bella without being a danger to her? If I was hungry enough, anything was possible. I wouldn't hurt her purposely, but driven to the depths of hunger, I wasn't so sure my body would resist, even if my mind pleaded for her to be spared.

Could I return to hunting the way I used to if I was hungry enough? The thought of it still made me sick.

I thanked the powers that be I hadn't reached that low yet. I had a week until I would absolutely have to think about hunting again. For now, there was only one thing that could ease my troubled mind.

Bella.

I didn't care that it was one in the morning. I had to see her.

Seconds later, I was lifting the latch on her bedroom window, praying she wouldn't hear the disturbance. Given how soundly she'd slept in my arms, I doubted she would, but I wasn't about to chance getting caught sneaking into her room in the middle of the night.

Holding her window open carefully, I slipped into the room, closing it soundlessly behind me. I was instantly overwhelmed by the scent of her body, warmed by sleep. In the forest, her scent was a shadow of what it was in this room.

The remnants of my thirst compressed further down into me. I couldn't hurt her, especially not when she was sleeping so soundly, looking as innocent as an angel. Her dark hair was fanned across her pillow, her eyelids fluttering as she dreamed. Her lips parted as she breathed steadily.

She looked even more innocent than usual, almost child-like, as sleep rinsed all the frown lines and creases from her expression.

Sitting in the old wooden rocking chair in the corner of her room, watching her in that state was soothing. I longed to touch her, but didn't dare. I contented myself with watching.

All the rage and anger and confusion I'd felt in few hours since I'd been separated from her suddenly seemed distant. It was like the hours in between being with her ceased to have any meaning.

I sighed, rubbing my eyes tiredly, not wanting to think about my botched hunt or my sudden inability to feed. I was sick of thinking. James routinely accused me of overanalyzing. I had to admit, it seemed like there was some truth to that statement.

I wanted to turn my mind off and just be like every other normal person for once.

Watching Bella as she slept reminded me how much I missed sleeping. It seemed like such a silly thing to miss, when there were things like variety in the taste and texture of food and the possibility of change, growth, and having children to be missed. But I did.

After living with the constant noise of not only my own thoughts, but everyone else's, the concept of experiencing nothingness, even for a brief time, was pleasant.

I could live vicariously and get my rest through Bella. Watching her sleep had to be a close second to actual sleep.

The constant repetitious pattern of breathing in and out was predictable and easy. So unlike the Bella I knew during the daytime. Still the same soft, fragile body and the same bright mind, just turned off for a few hours.

I sat in the dark, watching her chest rise and fall in a continuous pattern, interrupted sporadically by a few muttered words. Most the time her mumblings were indistinguishable, but sometimes I could make out words.

Grass. Sock. Bright. Beautiful.

I tried uselessly to string the disjointed words together, making a game of weaving together fictional dreams, imagining they were what she was seeing.

Hippo. Summer. Sandwich.

Then…

Edward.

My name. Her subconscious said my name.

I tried not to slip back into overanalyzing the meaning of the unconscious gesture and just enjoy that she was thinking of me, when she wasn't with me – that she knew of, anyway – but I couldn't help but wonder if it was a sign of some sort. I'd never been a big believer in fate, but just maybe… the universe was trying to tell me something.

As the early rays of morning began to peek over the horizon, I crept from her room as silently as I'd come.

xx

I lay in the wet grass, waiting, my eyes closed. I could hear and smell her approaching. The rain hindered my senses slightly, but not enough to drown her out. I was far too attuned to everything about her.

"Edward," she whispered, plodding toward me, the grass squelching under her feet.

"Bella." The smile when I said her name was automatic.

It was only too easy to forget everything else when she was around and concentrate on her. Last night's ordeal was miles away. Embry, Dr. Cullen, Bree, my inability to hunt… it was all distant.

Even though it was raining, quite heavily at that, she was here… just bundled up in rain gear. She had on a cute, teal raincoat with an oversized hood and rainbow-coloured rain boots.

I felt guilty for wanting to see her despite the rain, since it meant she might potentially catch a cold. Clearly she was prepared to fight against the weather, common as it was in the Pacific Northwest. Still, she probably didn't ordinarily spend long periods of time outside when it was pouring.

She settled into the soggy grass a few inches from me arranging her coat underneath her so she wasn't sitting in a puddle. She absently began tracing one of her fingers along one of my shoes, nervously drawing abstract patterns.

"So, um, I had an awesome time in Port Angeles, yesterday. That was so much fun."

I nodded, matching her enthusiasm. "It was. We should do it again, soon."

"I'd like that."

"Are you cold?" I asked, glancing around us at the falling rain. The clouds were dark and menacing. The change made the meadow more dark and shadowy than usual.

Bella's lips were still their usual pink, not the bloodless blue that I associated with cold, but I worried irrationally anyway.

"I'm fine. You worry too much. It rains here as much as it doesn't. The fact it's been so dry lately, is actually pretty unusual. Besides… the worst that'll happen is I'll catch a cold."

"I don't know," I teased, halfway serious, "I've heard humans also catch this little illness called pneumonia. I've also heard it's deadly."

"Humans? And what are you? A cyborg? You make it sound like I'm some fragile, susceptible thing. You're probably at more risk than I am. You're always freezing. Forget pneumonia. Get any colder and you'll have to start worrying about hypothermia. Or worse yet, hypothermia induced pneumonia."

I chuckled. "I'm fine. I haven't been sick in years."

She raised her chin in challenge. "Me neither. Well… I guess that depends on how you define sick. I've been to the hospital plenty, since I'm rather accident prone, as you might have noticed. I've had broken bones, cuts and scrapes that required plenty of stitches, vicodin, and even a cast or two… but yeah, not sick."

I laughed. It was so easy to do in her presence. I could probably count the number of times I'd laughed in twelve months prior to meeting Bella on one hand. "Does the hospital in Forks have a room specifically reserved for you?" I asked seriously. "Do you have a little plaque with your name on it?"

"Nope…" She frowned. "But they might have a whole drawer of a filing cabinet dedicated to my hospital records." She grinned as if proud of this fact.

"Wow. I might be impressed if I wasn't so horrified. You must be chummy with the hospital staff."

My stomach churned uncomfortably once I realized where I'd been unconsciously directing this conversation. A part of me wanted to press Bella for information about Dr. Cullen.

I knew it was wrong to use her in this way… but I had to know. If I was going to brave going to a hospital and being surrounded by mass quantities of blood, I had to know what I was getting myself into. Guilt prickled, but curiousity burned harder.

She shrugged. "In Phoenix the doctors were always different, whoever worked the nearest ER. Since coming to Forks, I've mostly dealt with Dr. Gerandy. He's a nice guy, but ancient. I'm surprised he's still allowed to practice. I've seen Dr. Cullen a few times, too. He's really nice, but a little strange. The nurses all know me by name, too."

"What's odd about Dr. Cullen?" I asked carefully, not wanting to arouse suspicion. I swore I could feel my palms sweating even though I knew it was impossible.

Her brow puckered as she considered the question. "He's reserved I guess? His bedside manner doesn't leave anything to be desired, really, but he seems almost detached? Not to say he doesn't care, or anything, because he's a great doctor. He set my leg last time I was in, like it was a cinch. It was as quick and easy as having a bone set ever is…"

None of that really told me anything about the man. He was a human doctor. Was he like the wolves… some kind of shape shifter?

"Why did you want to know?"

The truth was really the only good answer to this question. I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. It was better I downplay the seriousness of my desire to know. "Embry seemed to think I was related to him in some way. I was just curious."

She tilted her head… "Now that I think about it… you do kind of remind me of the Cullen kids, in weird way. I don't know what it is… I can't think of a common feature between all of you. Yesterday, when Embry said he thought you were one of the Cullens… I knew no one would mistake you for any of them so it seemed ridiculous. But, actually, you all do look a little alike. Not, like, physically, exactly… Alice is a tiny little thing with black hair. Rosalie, Jasper and Carlisle are tall and blonde, but distinct in their own ways. It's strange.. maybe it's a kind of aura you all put out? Now I sound like my mom. Except, I guess they all do have one thing in common. All three of them and Dr. Cullen have amber eyes. But yours are burgundy, so that doesn't make sense. I always thought it was strange they had the same eye colour, especially one so unusual. I wondered if that was the reason they were all adopted by Dr. Cullen and his wife. I know that sounds ridiculous…"

"It doesn't sound ridiculous," I countered, interrupting her rambling, my mind already reeling through the information. "Maybe Dr. Cullen and his wife just wanted kids who resembled him and his wife in some small way?"

I wondered if the amber eyes were indicative of some other mythical subspecies of human I'd yet to encounter. Sprites? Fairies? Gnomes? All of the above seemed ludicrous, but what else was there? They weren't vampires if they didn't have red eyes from drinking blood.

But that didn't rule out the possibility that they weren't typical humans. The wolves, by all appearances, were ordinary looking humans but most certainly a different species. If they were indeed not human Bella probably associated me with them because we shared an inhuman quality.

In the end, I was left with as many, if not more, unanswered questions than before. It was looking like I might have to pay Dr. Cullen a visit if I wanted any firm answers. I wasn't looking forward to trying to brave a hospital but with my newfound distaste for killing humans, perhaps it wouldn't be as big of an ordeal as I expected.

"Maybe," she agreed, looking me appraisingly, probably comparing me to the family of sprites slash fairies slash gnomes. For some inexplicable reason that annoyed me.

"Sorry I'm being so nosy." I smiled winningly.

She smiled back. "It's okay. You wouldn't be the first to wonder about the Cullens. They're a modern day legend around here. The enigma draws people in, I guess."

I wondered if that was part of why she was drawn to me. It was an upsetting thought. I wanted her to like me for me, not simply for the fact that I was a freak of nature.

I considered asking but Bella had already dropped the subject.

"I like the rain. There's something kind of romantic about sitting in the rain, don't you think?" she asked, her face tilted to look up into the sky. Her eyelashes were wet and dark, drops of water beading on them.

I nodded mutely.

Her eyes focused on mine, her expression unreadable. I felt warm under her gaze. This time she wasn't making comparisons, she was just… watching. I closed my eyes briefly, enjoying the sensation of her eyes on me and the soft falling rain.

The split second was all it took for her to start leaning towards me, her eyes focused on my lips.

I panicked, my hands shooting to her shoulders at an inhuman speed, gently holding them in place to prevent her lips from making contact with mine.

I almost leaned forward to close the distance myself, but my mind refused to let my body comply. I had vowed not to kiss her until she knew the truth. That was a promise I intended to keep. As desperately as I wanted to kiss her, that was a line I was unwilling to cross until she knew what she was getting herself into. Hearts could still be broken.

I could read the hurt in her eyes. I extended a flimsy smile, the only thing I had to offer that had any hope of erasing the damage done.

"I'm sorry, Bella."