Title: You Found Me

Full Summary: Edward Masen has lived the life of a nomadic vampire, travelling with James and Victoria since he awoke as an immortal. His ability to read minds has had the unusual side effect of making him a vampire with a conscience. Despite the ridicule from his coven mates, he's confident he's making the best of his existence and doing what's morally right... until he stumbles upon a brown-eyed girl reading in a meadow in Forks. As he attempts to befriend her and learns more about the sleepy town of Forks, Edward finds there's a lot more to being a vampire than he ever thought possible.

Pairings: Canon

Rating: M, for language and future sexing.

Chapter: Nineteen; Instinctive

POV: Edward

AN: Yeah, so it's been a while… but hopefully it was worth the wait. I've been transitioning to a new job, and Twilight fanfiction got pushed to the side for a bit, but I'm going to attempt to return to the once a week-ish schedule of before.

The hunting scene is for Hyphenann who asked quite awhile ago to see Edward's first hunt. It's not quite that, but hopefully enjoyable nonetheless :)

Thank you to readers and reviewers, I always look forward to hearing your opinions :)

xx

"I don't know about this," I grumbled, perching on the edge of the bed I'd just tucked Bella into. "It seems farfetched." I eyed the contacts sitting on the night table distastefully.

Bella sat up, the golden sheets falling around her waist. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. She looked so cute and innocent, curled into a ball on the huge bed I couldn't help but lean to kiss her forehead. She beamed at me, tilting her face upward, asking for another kiss. I immediately complied, ignoring the burning sensation in my throat.

"Maybe a little," she mumbled once we pulled away. "But it won't kill you to put a little faith in Alice. She cares about you. She's acting with your safety in mind."

After the Cullens had left Bella and I to retreat to the bedroom they had graciously provided, most of the night had been spent answering Bella's endless questions, which had involved repeating the sordid story of Alice's entrance into this world and our shared history.

"Sure," I interjected wryly. "People who care always command their loved ones like drill sergeants."

I was thankful that Alice was downstairs, apparently being distracted by Jasper. As much as she was driving me crazy, I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I supposed maybe I cared about her a little bit, too, no matter how intolerable she was being.

"She might have an unusual way of showing it," Bella conceded, "but it's clear she does. She doesn't want to see you hurt any more than I do… and if she says this will work, I think you should trust her."

Worry creased the corners of her eyes. An intense need to make it go away filled me. I didn't want Bella to worry I was going to do something stupid or recklessly put myself in danger. I wasn't. No matter how much Alice's harebrained schemes irritated me, I did have some faith in her gift. Not much, but enough to avoid acting against her suggestions.

"Perhaps I deserve to be committed for saying so, but I think I already do. She has a way of working herself into your life rather quickly, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, it's really quite freaky. One Spanish project and then you're stuck with her," Bella drawled humorously. She continued in a softer voice. "It won't be forever, you know. Alice said a couple of weeks, a month at most. It's not the best solution but it's better than the alternative."

"No, I know," I agreed, "I don't want to incur James or Victoria's wrath. If Alice says there's a peaceful alternative, I'm willing to try. It can't go any worse than what I expected."

"You were expecting a fight?" she asked, wide-eyed, fear creeping into her expression. "But before, you were so calm, when you brought up telling them, like you thought they'd be understanding?"

I stroked her hair gently, tucking a few wayward strands behind her ear. "I do think that the Cullens are underestimating James and Victoria's ability to be rational. Rational or not, I know me choosing to leave isn't something they will take lightly. A fight is near inevitable – we're stubborn creatures, Bella, we don't like it when things don't go our way – but in the end, they'll let me go. They're not so fanatical that they would kill me to prevent me from leaving. Dead, I'm useless to them. They would try to coerce me into staying at worst. It would be futile, of course."

"I still don't like it," Bella whispered. "I know you're exponentially stronger and faster than I am… and there's nothing I can do to stop it or to help you. But if there's two of them and one of you… I just - I don't want you to be hurt."

"I won't be," I vowed. Though I knew it wasn't a promise I could be sure to keep, there was no way I would tell Bella that. If she wanted to feel secure in the knowledge I was safe, I would give her that certainty. "I'm faster than either James or Victoria."

Bella eyed me skeptically. "You don't seem like the kind to run away from a fight."

I shrugged, sheepish. "Okay, perhaps you're right. I wouldn't run… but I won't need to. I intend to do whatever it is that Alice says will resolve this in the most peaceful way possible. In the worst case scenario, the Cullens outnumber James and Victoria by three. They'll aid me, if necessary. Trust me when I say you have no reason to worry."

She shrugged. "It doesn't work like that. I don't have a button I can just flip off. Until this is done with, there's going to be a little part of me reserved for worrying about you."

I smiled slightly, understanding her position; it was the same way I felt about her. "It can't be as big as the part of me that worries about you." I skimmed her cheek with the pad of my thumb, relishing the unrelenting softness. "You're so delicate, so easily breakable. I worry about you constantly. Sometimes I don't even trust myself to be around you."

Bella giggled, pressing her cheek into my hand. "Would you consider me reckless if I say I don't care?"

"Maybe just a little," I teased. "But I couldn't stay away from you if I tried. And I have tried. You're magnetic, Miss Swan."

"Thank god for that," she sighed, kissing my palm gently. "I love that you feel drawn to me. I feel the same way about you."

Her eyelids fluttered stubbornly, winning in the battle against sleep. It was the third time during our conversation, no less. She had to be getting sleepy. If she was still tired after her nap earlier, I knew the day's events had to have exhausted her.

"If you feel for me a fraction of what I do for you, I'll consider myself lucky," I murmured, not wanting to jolt her into a less sleepy state. Gently, I pushed her back down onto the bed. She relented, snuggling into the blankets that covered her, allowing me to tuck them up to her chin.

I laid down next to her so we shared a pillow, my body parallel to hers. The duvet separated her warmth from my cold. "You don't need to do that, you know," she mumbled, peering into my eyes. "You can get under the covers, too. I don't mind that your body is cool. It's comforting. It'll just remind me that you're here. Maybe I'll dream of you."

I smiled at the thought of having another opportunity to listen in on her dreams. "I would, love, but once you fall asleep, I'm going hunting with Jasper; they thought he might be able to help me. I don't want to disturb you when I leave. Since I only had an hour to hunt before, while you napped..." I trailed off, not wanting to say anything Bella might find disturbing.

As always, she surprised me.

"You're still thirsty," she stated bluntly, her soft tone belying the disturbing nature of the act I would be partaking in to curb my thirst.

I nodded, self-conscious. While she now knew what I was, I was still slightly uncomfortable talking about it candidly. Part of me was worried about her thinking badly of me, though a bigger part knew she wouldn't.

"I wasn't very good my first attempt," I admitted. "I'm not used to trying to target scents I find unappealing. I need a little more practice, I think."

She nodded, almost disinterestedly, as if I was telling her I was going out for a breakfast of bacon and eggs, rather than to suck the life out of some wildlife. "Will you be back before I wake up?"

"Of course," I assured. "Carlisle and Alice have promised you'll be safe under their watch while I'm gone. I won't be going any further than I can hear their thoughts, though, so if you're in distress, I'll know."

She reached a hand out from the blankets to flick my shoulder. "Don't be silly. I'm sure the game within hearing distance of here is pretty limited. I think Dr. Cullen has proven he can be trusted watch over me for a couple of hours. I'll be sleeping, anyway. What's the worst that can happen?"

"Carlisle is, by all accounts, the very best of our kind. But… you don't know vampires like I do, Bella. Even if the Cullens seem trustworthy, I'm not willing to bet your life on it."

She smiled at me. "I just don't want you feeling limited because you feel like you have to keep an eye on me."

I shook my head at her in disbelief. "I would never feel limited by you. Since I've met you, you've opened me up to a whole new world I would have never known otherwise."

She giggled. "Like the song." When my brow furrowed in confusion she added, "A whole new world. Like from the movie Aladdin. When they're on the magic carpet…"

I laughed, enjoying the way her giggling had flushed her cheeks. "Yes, just like that song. You're clearly drunk on lack of sleep. Time to close your eyes."

I leaned over to the bedside, clicking off the lamp. Darkness enveloped the room. It didn't make much difference to me. I could still see Bella laying peacefully against the mountain of pillows the Cullens had provided as clearly as if it had been daylight.

"But it's barely dark out," she protested.

I shrugged indifferently. "Does it look like I care what time of day it is?" I teased. "You're yawning and blinking incessantly. You have to sleep eventually. Since I don't, there's no point in you fighting it because of me. I'll be here the second you open those big brown eyes."

"Must be nice not to get tired," she whispered through a yawn. She tensed her jaw, trying to hide it, but I saw it anyway. I hid my knowing smile, though I knew her eyes probably had yet to adjust to the dimness of the room.

"Sometimes. Other times I wish I could shut my brain down, just for a few hours, so I could take a break from all of the thoughts, existence, everything. The closest I come, is being around you. You're my peace."

She hummed, a smile ghosting across her face in the darkness.

Finally giving up the fight to stay awake any longer, she whispered goodnight so quietly only I would be able hear it, and just barely at that. I kissed her forehead, wishing her sweet dreams.

It only took a few moments before her breathing slowed, her intake of breath becoming deep and regular as the peace of sleep took over.

I watched her fluttering eyelids and hands fisted against her pillow. She was so sweet and unassuming while she slept. I laid with her in silence for a few minutes, relishing the serenity of the moment. It was even better now, knowing without a doubt, that she wanted me at her side.

As the minutes passed, Jasper's curious thoughts wafted from the main floor of the Cullen home. He knew Bella was asleep and had been for several minutes. He was wondering what was taking me so long and was getting anxious to leave. He enjoyed hunting at dusk and the light was quickly fading.

Not wanting to keep him waiting any longer, I pressed a final kiss to Bella's hair and exited the room, locking the door behind me. Realistically, I knew the lock offered nothing but a false sense of security, but it made me feel better knowing the door was locked regardless.

Double checking it was secure, I hurried down to meet Jasper, who was standing in the large tiled foyer, like a dog eager to be taken on a walk.

He grinned crookedly at me, raising a questioning eyebrow. "Ready to give hunting veggie style a second try?"

I nodded, grimacing in memory. "It couldn't be much worse than the first time. I'm still parched… and definitely looking forward to dampening the urge to kill Bella."

"I can imagine," Jasper laughed, opening the door and gesturing for me to exit. I did, making a beeline for the wooded area behind the Cullen home. Usually I wouldn't feel comfortable allowing another vampire behind me, out of my peripherals, but Jasper seemed so easygoing, it was hard to believe he'd ever harm me, or that he had once been an integral part of a vampire army.

I ran at a moderate pace, allowing Jasper to trail me easily. It was odd having another vampire with me on a hunting excursion but something I decided I could get used to. It was almost nice to have a companion to take my mind off the nature of hunting, which, while necessary, was far less than glamorous.

In the distance, I could hear the river trickling, and the clumsy thoughts of several small, unappetizing animals huddled around it. I grimaced, recalling the taste of rabbit from my first hunt.

I'd been instructed to push all thoughts out of my mind, and focus on the thrumming sound of a heartbeat. It was supposed to be easier to focus on than the unsavory scent.

I'd done as I had been told, only to find myself pouncing through a bush on a little mound of fur and bones. A tiny herbivore. I could have sworn the heartbeat had sounded more powerful in my head. I supposed I might have pumped myself up so much that I'd thrown myself towards the first sign of animal movement.

Alice and Jasper had been extremely amused with my choice of food. Rabbit wasn't something they hunted often, apparently. It was too small to be worth pursuing; something I had to agree with based on my limited experience.

I brushed off their teasing, calling it an appetizer, which only served to amuse them more.

Before returning to Bella, I'd also managed to drain a small deer. The quantity had been more satisfying than the rabbit, but I was loathe to admit to Alice and Jasper that I actually preferred the taste of the rabbit. I would have preferred to eat a hundred of them than the one deer. There was no way I could admit that I wanted to impersonate some evil Disney villain and brutally murder a hundred little furballs and live it down, so I kept quiet.

"You should give yourself a little credit," Jasper said, hoping to assuage my discomfort and inexperience with vegetarian hunting. I could feel the soft tendrils of calm floating over me, erasing my anxiety as his gift washed over me.

"Hunting animals is an interesting experience for those of us not accustomed to it," he assured. "I remember my first time. I looked like I'd gotten into a nasty fight with a chainsaw and lost. Alice was equal parts disgusted and amused. But, here we are, fifty years later and I'm as good as the rest."

"I hope it doesn't take me fifty years," I mumbled under my breath.

"Aw, chill out," Jasper said lightly. "It's difficult for everyone the first time. It goes against our instincts. It's the exact opposite of the way we're wired to hunt. You and I, we had it even harder than the others. They didn't have a chance to get set in their ways."

"At least you probably hunted something more appropriate than rabbit your first time," I grumbled. "Do you have any idea how long running jokes last when you live for eternity?"

Jasper laughed. "A long time. And it depends what you consider appropriate. My first hunt was a crocodile. They're easier to find in the South. They're quite nasty when aggravated. Not the worst I've come across, though. By far the most interesting animal I've ever hunted was a hippopotamus."

I raised an eyebrow in shock. "A hippopotamus?"

"They're supposed to be one of the most aggressive creatures on the planet. Alice and I traveled to Kenya, just to give them a try. Trust me, even though they're herbivores, they do not go down easy. They don't taste so bad, either."

"This is so absurd. I can't believe I'm talking to you about hunting hippopotamuses. Aren't they endangered, anyway? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of what Carlisle said, about how you're trying not to negatively impact the ecosystems?"

"They're classified as vulnerable, not yet endangered. Esme is very active in environmental and wildlife causes – ironic, I know. She makes sure to keep us abreast of what species we need to take measures to protect and avoid completely. It's not like we make a habit of killing unusual animals but after so many decades, it's nice to try something different. We already deny ourselves human blood. We need a little interest in our diet."

"Right," I said sardonically. "However, I'm sure you'll understand my reticence when it comes to hunting more exotic animals. I'm having trouble enough trying to find the indigenous species appealing. Perhaps I ought to work on that first. Maybe work my way up to giraffes, before I consider hippopotamuses."

"Well, at least with the giraffe, you'd have a nice long target to work with," he laughed. "It would make for an easy kill, going for the jugular, I'm sure." I snorted at the image, as Jasper continued on a more serious note. "Our dietary choices are a little out there and will take some getting used to. But trust me, it's a relief to not feel the pain and heart-wrenching fear that comes with a kill. I'm sure you understand with your gift being the way it is."

"Yeah," I agreed quietly. "Hearing the thoughts drain from someone as you suck the life from them isn't pleasant. Thoughts are closely linked to emotion; one can think terror as easily as they feel it."

He nodded. "It was worst when I was a part of Maria's battalion. Unspeakable, needless cruelty spurring hate and terror and pain, coming at me from every angle… It's a wonder I was able to adapt to this life at all. If it weren't for Alice, I doubt I would have made the transition very well."

"I can't imagine," I said distractedly, cognizant of the fact Jasper and I were approaching the point where I'd no longer be able to hear the thoughts of those who remained at the house, thus severing the last of my connection to Bella.

I was reluctant to leave her too far out of reach, despite her assurances, but I also wanted to get better at hunting animals. Forcing my thoughts onto the task at hand, I pushed images of Bella hurt or injured out of mind, telling myself I was being ridiculous. I would return and she would be absolutely fine.

Jasper slowed his pace to match mine, very forgiving of the fact I was virtually ignoring him. He looked on patiently, his eyes mirroring my worry back to me. I appreciated that he didn't try to force me into being calm. I needed to learn to control my worry for Bella and live through it, not around it.

"We don't have to go any further. I can feel how worried you are. We have a good radius to work with, if you're uncomfortable," he offered.

I shook my head. "No. I think I need to do this. Bella is safe with your family. Even Rosalie," I admitted hesitantly. "There are going to be times when I can't be in her direct vicinity. I'm going to have to learn to work through my anxiety at being separated from her."

"You're doing very well. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you, having a human mate. Alice can take care of herself, yet I worry about her incessantly."

"Bella's stronger than she looks," I said defensively, feeling protective of her. I knew Jasper wasn't intending to insult her, but the implication that she was somehow an inferior partner because she was a human irked me to no end.

"I'm sure she is, emotionally," Jasper conceded. "She's a brave little thing, that's for certain. The grace she showed, dealing with the reality of our kind… it was remarkable. No fear. Not even a touch. However, fact remains that she's fragile in her current state."

"I won't force that choice upon her," I snarled, my voice strained with the effort of keeping my tone under control. "If she makes the decision, I will accept it, but to make her a vampire because it would be beneficial to my state of mind would be horribly selfish. I want her to have a chance to enjoy her life before it comes to a crashing halt… something I'm sure none of us had."

Jasper held up his hands defensively. "I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just surprised. I think it's admirable, you keeping her a human. Not many vampires would–"

"I'm not keeping her anything," I snapped. "She's her own person. She can make her own choices. Just because she's human doesn't–"

"Whoa, slow down," Jasper soothed, the tendrils of calm emanating from him working their way across my tensed form. "I know. Bella is a sweet girl. She deserves to make her own choices, I agree. I was just surprised by the magnitude of your restraint, being able to resist changing her, that is, not the fact she's human."

I nodded, forcing myself to loosen and release the stress that remained in my tensed muscles. "I'm sorry. I'm sensitive when it comes to Bella."

"Hey, I understand. I'm sorry, too. I feel the same way about Alice."

I shook my head. "You shouldn't apologize. I was being irrational; I know you meant no harm. I'm just… uptight right now." I sat heavily on a fallen tree, ignoring as it cracked under my weight. "There's just so much happening all at once. I'm trying to adapt to this new way of hunting, then there's the prospect of telling James and Victoria I'm staying in Forks and then wanting to constantly protect Bella but being unable to always be there to ensure she's okay… I'm not balancing it very well."

Jasper sat down next to me. Several chunks of the tree rained to the ground. "I think you're doing excellent. When I left Maria, I was a wreck… lost, confused, directionless. I had a mid-life crisis at a hundred-and-something. A few weeks later, I wander into a diner looking for my next meal and instead find this little vampire, with the strangest eyes I'd ever seen, who tells me I'm going to love her for the rest of my existence."

"Alice?" I asked, bemused.

"Of course. I thought she was insane," he admitted.

"A common reaction to Alice."

He chuckled, his thoughts sweeping through several fond memories. "She's a force to be reckoned with. You know, the first thing she did when she saw me was chastise me for keeping her waiting for so long?"

I laughed. "That sounds like Alice. What I thought I knew of her, anyway."

"You do know her, Edward. She's a little strange, I know. The omniscient thing can be unsettling but her heart is always in the right place. The Alice you thought you knew ninety years ago is still the Alice I know."

I stayed silent, not sure how to respond. Jasper was Alice's mate and therefore his view was skewed. If he felt anything at all for her like what I felt for Bella, there was no way he would do or say anything that had the slightest potential to hurt her.

"She's done nothing but change my life for the better. Taking her hand and choosing to leave that little diner and put my trust in her… it was the best thing I've ever done in my life. It was the first time in a long time I felt hopeful about the prospects of the next day. It was hard, but so worth it. You'll live through this transition period. Bella will give you the strength you need to do what's right. We're only as strong as our mates and she's one tough little cookie."

"Okay," I agreed, heartened by his confidence. I wasn't used to people believing in me. I stood, brushing bits of bark and leaves from my pants. "Let's do this. But, please, can we hunt something other than deer?"

"You bet. There are some black bears not too far from here. I think you'll find them more to your liking."

"I don't think anything could be less to my liking than deer, to be perfectly honest."

"Not even rabbit?" he teased, raising an eyebrow at me. I tensed. "Relax. I'm kidding. I already knew you liked the rabbit more than the deer. It was written all over your feelings. You'd be surprised what I can deduce based on emotions, alone. Don't worry," he winked, "I won't tell the others."

"Gee, thanks for protecting my reputation as a vampire with good taste," I grumbled.

"All of our tastes vary a little, just like some humans like foods that others don't," he explained, brushing off my bad mood with a sweep of serenity. "No one will care what you do or don't like. Though, overall, carnivores tend to be preferable."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go hunt those bears," I said as cheerfully as I could manage, a task made substantially easier with Jasper's help.

He set off further north. I followed easily. Though he was running, it was little more than a jog for me. Though I was naturally faster, I also still had remnants of human blood in my system. That would be gone soon enough. My eyes were mostly gold, with only the slightest hint of orange to them. Bella hadn't noticed the lingering red mixing with the gold, so perhaps it was only visible to vampire eyes.

We'd been running for just under fifteen minutes when Jasper ground to a halt in front of me. "I smell bear," he informed.

I wrinkled my nose, sniffing the air gingerly. "It smells like sweat and mud," I said flatly.

"Bear," Jasper corrected.

"And I'm supposed to find this appealing?"

"Well… it's better than the alternatives. It tastes better than it smells, as I'm sure you're aware."

I masked my disbelief – unsuccessfully, I'm sure – and tried to open my mind to thinking of the scent as edible. While it still held a mere fraction of the appeal Bella's blood did, eventually I managed to convince my hunting instincts to think of the scent as a target.

"You're thinking far too much," Jasper commented, his tone neutral in an effort not to frustrate me any further, his thoughts revealed.

I sighed. I wasn't used to not being able to do something I set my mind on.

"No, no," Jasper interjected, picking up on my exasperation. "You're not doing anything wrong. You're just approaching it from a very… intellectual angle. This isn't an intellectual thing. It's an instinctual thing."

"That's what I'm trying to do," I growled in aggravation. "I'm trying to tell myself I want to hunt bear. I'm trying."

"It doesn't work like that. I can feel you straining. Stop thinking so much about the 'how.' Shut off your thoughts and just think about how hungry you are. If you're thirsty enough… even bear won't seem so bad. Your instinct will be to drain."

"Yeah, okay," I grumbled, not liking that I was being told what to do. I prided myself on being self-sufficient and found it difficult to accept help, even though I knew it was in my best interest.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and inhaling the pungent odor of bear on the breeze. I could hear him shuffling through the fallen leaves somewhere to my left. I wasn't starving, since I had managed to drain a deer earlier in the day, but I was still hungry. I tried to focus on the nagging pain in my throat but it wasn't quite enough to push my feet in the direction of the bear.

I clenched my fists, angry at myself for being unable to do this simple thing. I had to do this. So Bella would be safe. So I wouldn't hurt her. The reminder of Bella brought to mind the tantalizing memory of her mouthwatering scent. Those thoughts, coupled with the slight pang of thirst were the trigger I needed.

The slick thickness of venom coated my teeth and my feet sent me flying forward without conscious thought.

Jasper was long forgotten. There was a part of me – the born hunter – that wanted to attack him, to ward him off and prevent him from swooping in on my prey. But I was faster. He was too slow to be a threat and the part of me ruled by instinct knew it.

A very small part of me, far weaker than the instincts that had taken over, recognized I'd used the allure of Bella's scent to trigger my desire to hunt. Guilt surged but it wasn't enough to stop me. I was on a rampage and nothing was going to stop the instincts roaring in me until I took down my target.

Vaguely, as if in a slow-motion picture, the rasp of dry leaves mashing beneath my feet turned into the crushing of bone as I landed on the spine of a massive brown bear. He was slow and lazy, bloated from months of feeding on summer greenery as he made preparations for the winter season.

The loud snap of his backbone ceased him mid-swipe. I descended upon his jugular, taking quick swallows, draining what remained of his life-force. It did taste better, a little voice triumphed above the roar of instinct. It tasted surprisingly fruity, less earthy than my previous experiences with animal hunting. Like I imagined overripe wild berries might taste.

A dozen pulls later, I pulled away and stood slowly. The haze that had surrounded me during the hunt faded, clarity returning. I felt surprisingly refreshed and stronger than I had in days. It wasn't quite the same as the euphoria that followed a human kill but it was close enough. The carnivore really did make a big difference in terms of taste and fulfillment.

I looked down at the unmoving lump of fur, a pang of regret filling me, when I thought about how I had used Bella – and my unconscious desire to kill her – to serve my own selfish purposes.

Not wanting to look at it any longer, I yanked up a nearby tree, kicking the remainder of the bear under it and replanting the tree with more force than necessary.

Wow. That was… astonishing. With a bear, too. They usually put up a little more fight…

I turned to face Jasper, who was crouched in a tree a safe distance away. I pursed my lips, saying nothing. There was nothing I could say.

He looked at me in concern, hopping out of the tree to stand next to me. "What's the matter? You did awesome. You should have seen yourself." He replayed the memory of me chasing the bear with singular focus. I shut it out, not wanting to see it, knowing how I'd managed it.

"You were… robotic. That bear didn't stand a chance. By the time he heard you coming, you were already on top of him. That was one of the cleanest bear kills I've ever seen."

"That's great," I said emotionlessly. "I guess I'm getting better at this."

He nodded. "I'll say." He paused, looking at me appraisingly. "There's something weighing on you. You're tense… more than usual." I grit my teeth, annoyed at the cheap shot. I was not always tense, contrary to popular belief. I resisted the urged to kick the all-knowing mood-reading right out of him.

"It's nothing," I said forcefully. Admitting what I'd done would be like confirmation of how repulsive I was. I didn't need Jasper to reinforce that belief.

"It's something," he countered. "Look, you don't need to tell me. I can't help knowing how you feel, just like you can't help knowing what I'm thinking… but it might help you to talk about it."

"Sure. Talking fixes everything," I said sarcastically. "You Cullens sure like to talk."

Jasper laughed. "I'm a Hale actually. Rosalie and I pose as twins."

"That must be lovely pretending to be related to Satan."

"She's not that bad," he grinned. "She just really doesn't like you. She was inclined not to like you from the beginning. Then when she met you… well, you're too much alike, I think."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're both incredibly stubborn, for one."

"One shared trait does not constitute two people being alike," I countered staunchly.

"Fine, forget I said anything. Now are you going to tell me what's bothering you? Or are you going to stew and be a broody ass all the way home? At which point you will talk to Bella – while still being a broody ass, might I add – who will tell you to knock it off and to whom you'll listen because you'd do anything for her. You could save both Bella and I a little time if you just talk to me now."

"Have you been living with Alice so long that you've usurped some of her gift from her?" I snarked, purposely avoiding the question and the implication that I would be leaving Bella to sort out my bad mood. I didn't want her to feel responsible for fixing my moods.

"Another attempt at diversion? You must really not want to talk about this," Jasper stated knowingly. Alice had definitely rubbed off on him.

I sighed, considering his offer to talk. Maybe he was right. I didn't think anything he could say would help, but there was no harm in trying, I supposed….

"I'm a horrible person," I explained flatly. "I used the scent of the girl I love as inspiration to kill. How's that for twisted?"

Jasper looked sideways at me. "Is that all? Edward, I know you refuse to think of her as such but she is human. She's going to smell good to you. If you use her scent to hunt and it prevents you from harming her, what's the big deal?"

"Because it's immoral. It's like I'm killing her because that's what my subconscious is telling me I'm doing."

"Except you're not. You're using her as olfactory stimulation to target something otherwise unappealing to you. You can separate reality from fiction, can't you?"

"Yes, but–"

"And you have no intention of harming Bella, do you?"

"No, I–"

"Then you're fine."

I growled, annoyed at being cut off for the second time. And to think, when I had first met Jasper, I had taken him as a quiet and unobtrusive type. Perhaps that had been due to Bella's presence. He had been especially weary of her.

"I'm sensing you aren't going to take my word for this," Jasper said, eventually. "Talk to Bella, then. I'm sure she will tell you what I just said, except I'm sure you'll actually listen to her."

"Maybe you're right," I sighed deeply. "But it still doesn't feel right. I don't want to associate her with hunting. I could pose a danger to her."

"You're always going to pose a danger to her, unless you change her, Edward. You're going to have to learn to live with that risk. That said, if you don't want to think about her when hunting, don't."

I nodded. I'd already made the decision to separate Bella from this part of my life. I didn't want to think about the possibilities if I came to associate her with hunting.

"The fact you care so much about not hurting her tells me you won't," Jasper added.

"But the risk…"

"Will always be there."

I sighed. I was aware of that fact. I thought I'd made some progress by being away from her for an extended period of time without panicking – almost forty minutes now – but it seemed I was taking steps backwards. I was suddenly desperate to return to check she was okay.

"Perhaps I should go back to check on her."

"Look, I understand your need to protect your mate. It will never go away, no matter how durable or able to protect herself she is – I'm terrified of what I'd become without Alice – but you can't live in a constant state of worry. You didn't hurt her. She's fine. Can you trust the others to keep her safe? We've got a few hours until we need think about getting back."

I nodded grudgingly. "I need the practice." I wasn't sure whether I meant practice hunting or practice being away from Bella. I supposed they were one and the same.

"Great. Seeing you take down that bear gave me a craving for one. It's not usually my thing but…"

Three hours later, after trudging halfway to Canada and back, chasing various game across the countryside, Jasper and I made our way back to the Cullen home. The sun was hidden, showing no signs of rising any time soon, pitch black still blanketing Forks.

Jasper had found his bear and a pair of deer. I'd opted for an elk – which tasted only marginally better than the deer – and to my great relief, had been able to make the kill without thinking of Bella at all.

I couldn't hide my relief to be returning home. Being away from Bella for so long had neared on excruciating. She wouldn't be awake for hours yet but that didn't ease the gnawing need to make sure she was safe. The last hour of our hunt I'd been incredibly antsy and after much exasperation, Jasper had thrown in the towel, fed up with my distraction, suggesting we return. I'd tried to hold out for his sake but had done a miserable job of masking my desire to see Bella. Hiding from Jasper wasn't the easiest task.

By the time we were within range of the Cullens' I was running at a full sprint, leaving Jasper struggling to catch up in my wake. I could hear the reassuring hum of thought from all of the Cullens. No one was worried or upset.

I'd been so focused on getting to the house, it wasn't until we were past the river that I noticed the addition of a male I hadn't heard before. Since he was new to me, perhaps I'd needed the closer range to hear his thoughts.

I slowed, allowing Jasper to catch me. He turned to me, jogging alongside me, now.

"Jesus. I didn't know it was possible for a vampire to be out of breath! Slow down, would you? I know you're worried about Bella, but we're almost there. Surely you can hear everything's fine?"

"There's another vampire in the house. A male," I said, ignoring him.

"What?" He paused, listening, before breaking into a wide grin. "It's okay. He's family. We've been expecting him. He's come to meet you, actually."

"Okay…" I frowned, wondering why some vampire relative of the Cullens had come to meet me and why no one had mentioned this to me before.

"Don't look at me like that. He's nice," Jasper reassured.

I studied the dark-haired vampire through Carlisle, who was currently talking with him. His body language was certainly relaxed.

"You called Rosalie 'not that bad'" I countered. "I think I'll judge for myself."