Title: You Found Me

Full Summary: Edward Masen has lived the life of a nomadic vampire, travelling with James and Victoria since he awoke as an immortal. His ability to read minds has had the unusual side effect of making him a vampire with a conscience. Despite the ridicule from his coven mates, he's confident he's making the best of his existence and doing what's morally right... until he stumbles upon a brown-eyed girl reading in a meadow in Forks. As he attempts to befriend her and learns more about the sleepy town of Forks, Edward finds there's a lot more to being a vampire than he ever thought possible.

Pairings: Canon

Rating: M, for language and sexing.

Chapter: Thirty-seven; Torture

POV: Edward

AN: Yes, that's right, this is Edward's side of the story. Fair warning to anyone who might be squeamish, Edward's side of the story isn't all unicorns and rainbows. I hope I do it justice for those of you who were curious about his experiences ;)

As always, I appreciate all comments and I hope you enjoy the return to EPOV :)

xx

One month ago.

I closed my mother's leather-bound edition of Jane Eyre delicately, intent on not waking Bella. The steady beats of her heart had dropped tempo so I knew she had fallen asleep, though I couldn't see her face. I kissed the top of her head, wishing her sweet dreams.

Resting the book on my chest, I allowed myself the simple pleasure of enjoying her nearness. Inhaling deeply and closing my eyes, I allowed myself to savour the tranquility of the moment. I wished I could join her in her restful slumber.

More than anything on this earth, I missed sleep. It was a forgotten privilege, one humans took for granted and ultimately feared. Calling death the 'big sleep' had always seemed ironic to me. Since my death I hadn't slept a wink.

That was something not even Bella could change for me. She had had a hand in so many changes in my existence as of recently but the lack of sleep was and would always be a constant. A constant I was reluctant to bring upon her though I was certain that, one day, she would insist upon it.

I would have to be content with watching her while I could. She was a never-ending source of entertainment, even when she was numb to the world. I might never have been able to sleep again but I would never regret the countless hours I lay with her, doing little beyond cataloguing her every movement.

I was jarred from my musings by a distant creak from the first floor. I listened quietly for several moments, assuring myself I had missed Charlie getting out of bed, though I knew that wasn't true. I could hear his snoring coming from several rooms over.

Carefully, I extricated myself from Bella's warmth, stilling as she rolled over, reaching out to cuddle the pillow I had been resting on. When I was convinced she was still asleep I crept to the door and twisted the knob soundlessly, letting myself out of the room, my stomach heavy with uncertainty. Something was wrong. I just wasn't certain what.

I was halfway down the staircase before I recognized the sound that had been a constant part of my world for over eighty years. It was the sound of a silent mind; a mind that was blocking mine from entering. It was reminiscent of the electric hum of a refrigerator. It wasn't though. I could hear the brassy buzz of Charlie's ancient fridge in the distance.

There were only two people in the world that I knew were capable of making that sound and I wanted neither of them in Bella's home.

Resolving to keep Bella and her father safe at any cost, I hustled down the remaining stairs and into the living space where I knew I would find both of my former coven-mates. Their combined scent permeated the lower level of the house heavily, reaching me long before my eyes found them.

James was perched in Charlie's well-loved lounge chair. The way he was sitting in it made it look more like a poor effort at a throne than a recliner. Victoria was draped on the arm of the chair, eyeing me fiercely, a lethal mix of seductive and angry.

"Why hello, Edward. Long time no see," she intoned smoothly, pulling her gaze from mine to stare daggers at the leather headrest of the chair her fingernails were digging into. Only the smidgen of hostility to her tone indicated she was unhappy.

"Hello Victoria," I returned politely. I would not make the situation any worse than it needed to be. If a peaceful resolution was possible, I would locate it. "Is there something with which I can help you?"

"Of course," she snarled. "Why do you think we came? To chat? Of course not." I blinked and she was standing in front of me, brushing a finger down my sleeve in a way that made me want to step back several paces. Calling on all my self-control, I forced myself to remain cemented in place. "You know better than that."

"I'm sorry," I said, keeping my voice steady. "I'm not sure I understand."

Victoria's eyes burned into mine. "Of course you do. Stop playing coy and be a good boy. Come home with us and leave behind this nonsense. I don't know what you were thinking, assuming you could live this way. It's absurd. You have a higher purpose, Edward."

"I'm happy here," I explained, treading gently. I prayed that the Cullens had somehow caught wind of what was happening and were planning on providing assistance. There was no way I could hope to defend myself and Bella against both of them if the situation escalated.

"You have no concept of what happiness is. James told me about your little human pet and your band of misfits. Didn't I warn you about the west coast talent-seekers? They have you exactly where they want you, Edward. You've fallen victim to their schemes. James and I won't stand for it."

"There are no schemes. I'm staying here. James and I agreed this is the best solution for all of us. The two of you are mated. You don't need me as a third wheel."

"Don't presume to know what we need," Victoria snapped, each word punctuated by a flare of her nostrils. "James made a temporary oversight, letting you follow your whims with that girl." She jabbed a scarlet-tipped claw at the ceiling. "Your purpose is with us. You are my creation and I'm not going to let you squander everything I've afforded you on some pathetic mortal girl. I nurtured you for eighty-six years and this is how you repay me? With abandonment?"

"My decision is final," I stated. "I'm staying here."

Victoria's eyes flashed. "This is your last chance, Edward," she said calmly. "Let me assure you we won't give you another opportunity to do the right thing."

"There's no need. I already am." I tried to sound confident, but there was no way I could defend myself against both of them.

The rough sound of Victoria's teeth grinding was my only warning before she lunged at me.

I ducked her easily, slipping under her arm. She was angry and angry vampires made careless mistakes. I was determined to keep my head. I was far too aware that I was overpowered to allow myself even that small disadvantage.

She hissed at me, crouching into an offensive position. I realized in a moment of abject terror, that by ducking past her, I'd vacated my spot at the base of the stairwell. Victoria seemed to realize it only a moment after I did.

She beamed maliciously, sparing half a glance in my direction before sprinting up the staircase.

Her reaction was delayed enough that I was able to clutch her ankle before she could climb halfway. There was a soft crunch as one of the banisters suffered pockmarking by her hands. I hoped the destruction wouldn't be noticeable to Charlie in the morning.

"James!" she screeched as I wrestled her back down onto the landing, making an effort to create as little noise as possible. It was a miracle neither of the human occupants of the house had woken.

The Swans slept like rocks. I was thankful; they would only be in further danger if they were to stumble into the fray now.

"Get the damn human. I'm sure Edward will listen to it."

James, who had not moved from Charlie's armchair, leapt to his feet, eager to play his role in this twisted game. It didn't take a genius to figure out this had been the plan all along.

I halted, unwilling to let them touch Bella. Reluctantly, I released Victoria. "If you promise not to touch her, I'll come with you," I bargained. "I'll do everything you say."

Shame seared through me. I couldn't even do something as simple as protect my mate. I was more relieved than ever that Bella remained blissfully unaware. If she had been witness to my failure, it would have been all the more devastating.

Victoria grinned owlishly, brushing herself off where her clothing had been mussed in the scuffle. "That's what I thought."

Straightening up, she grabbed my elbow and roughly yanked me in the direction of the door. I let her guide me out of the house and toward the brush behind it without any resistance. I was not prepared to risk putting up a struggle when she was still within reach of Bella.

James followed several paces behind us, his face lit with a sinister smile. I tore my gaze from him, forcing myself to look at the trees. Seeing how much enjoyment he was drawing from this miserable situation was irking me.

"So, Edward," James began conversationally, "I noticed the human no longer smells like a virgin. Been having some fun while we were gone, weren't you?"

The tenuous thread that had been keeping me from smashing his face in snapped. I knew I was rising to the bait but I didn't care. I wouldn't stand for him belittling what Bella and I had, making it out to be something insidious.

I threw Victoria's arm off of me, diving for James throat. My instantaneous reaction caught him off guard. He was used to long-drawn out battles of words, where he riled me up and I stewed in silence until I could not handle the pressure any longer. He should have known better. He had insulted my mate.

"Whoa, what's your problem?" James sneered as he skidded across the grass, my hand clamped at his throat. "I was just catching up with what's new in your life. Spending so much time with that human, you'd think you'd understand the concept of friendly conversation."

"Shut up," I snapped, my fingers curling into the flesh of his neck. Whatever it would take to make that smirk go away. "You don't get to talk about Bella."

His eyes hardened as his skin cracked. "So sensitive. You've gone soft. You're a pathetic excuse for a vampire. I don't know why Vic was so insistent we keep you."

Using his legs as leverage, he propelled me off of him.

I skidded across the wet grass, tearing large chunks of it out by the roots, as my hands ripped at it to counteract the momentum. I stood, stalking back over to James. His minor wounds had healed and he was leaning against a nearby tree, an arrogant smirk once again plastered on his ugly face.

"If you dislike me so much, why did you come?" I roared. "I'm happy here. I'm perfectly content staying, believe me. Every single human I've met in the past month is ten times more worthy of my friendship than you'll ever be."

It probably wasn't the best idea to be insulting him now, not when it was only me against both James and Victoria, but my irritation at their interference was running my mouth for me.

James eyes flickered with indignation. "I told you. Vicky wasn't willing to give you up. And what she wants, she gets. So fucking man up and let's get out of here. You can find another human plaything. There's seven billion of the goddamn things on the planet. I'm sure you can find another one you like."

"She's my mate. There will never be anyone else."

"She's human," Victoria countered flatly, dismissing the concept I could care about anyone who wasn't a vampire. "We don't mate with humans, Edward. They're our food. It doesn't make sense. Those other vampires, the Cullens," she spat, "they're tampering with you, making you believe such ludicrous things. Don't tell me they've convinced you that you can live off of animal blood, too?" She shook her head woefully and patted me on the shoulder comfortingly. "It's poison, Edward. It's okay. It's not too late yet. We just need to get some human blood in you."

I shrugged off her hand. "I'm not drinking human blood," I said flatly.

"Stop being so stubborn. We're trying to help you. Do you want to kill yourself? Because that's where you're heading."

"I don't appreciate being lied to," I bit back. "I said I'd come with you, what more do you want from me?"

Victoria bit her lip, pouting. "We didn't want to have to do this but it looks like you're going to give us no other choice." She nodded at James.

I backed away instinctively as he advanced on me. I didn't know what he was planning, but it wasn't going to be pleasant. I could only hope that they had written off Bella as unimportant and useless and that I alone would be the focus of his aggression.

I managed to run twenty feet before a boulder thrown by James tangled with my feet. The sound it made as it smashed to pieces was deafening. I cursed, hoping that the humans in hearing range – one family of two, in particular – would write it off as an act of mother nature. The pause it caused me was long enough that James was able to throw himself on top of me. I toppled into the dirt, twisting as I fell so I could sink my nails into his back. His roar of agony sent a sick satisfaction smarting though me.

In retaliation, his hands swiped at my face. I blocked the move easily enough but wasn't so lucky with his kick to my shin. The pain sent my already boiling anger into uncharted territory.

We struggled for control, limbs colliding as we attempted to gain the upper hand. I managed to pin James long enough to inflict a deep slash across his chest, but just as quickly he was able to reverse the position and tear away a chunk of my bicep. The landscape bore the worst injuries of all. Grass and dirt clouded the air, the sod bearing deep gashes as our stone bodies met it with vicious force.

When Victoria joined the fray, I knew it was all over. I might have been able to overpower James on my own, fueled by the deep-seated need to protect Bella, but I was no match for two mature vampires, well-accustomed to using force as a means of control.

She pinned my arms behind my back, twisting them as far as she could without breaking them. James pinned my legs in a similarly awkward position, and together they dragged me into the depths of the forest. Through the pain and defeat, a part of me was glad they seemed to have every intention of leaving Bella alone. I would suffer every imaginable pain, as long as they spared her.

We travelled in acrimonious silence for several minutes. The throbbing of my limbs was uncomfortable but not enough to distract me from keeping track of where we were heading. We travelled north and then due west. There was only one reason we could possibly be heading west: the ocean. It didn't take a genius to figure out they were planning on scrambling any scent trail we might leave behind.

As time stretched on, I grew more certain that the Cullens were unaware of what was happening. I refused to believe that they would have left me for dead. Emmett and Alice at least, would have put in the effort.

A short distance later I was dumped unceremoniously on the rocky shores of the Pacific, proving my suspicions. I stood, brushing the residual dirt and sand from my clothes. I wondered for a brief moment if they were planning on letting me swim under my own power. We'd travel much faster, though it would require that they place some trust in me, which seemed unlikely at this point. I'd made my position clear.

The question was answered for me, when Victoria gripped my shoulders roughly. "You do it, Jamie," she purred. "I know how much you love the sound of tearing flesh."

I had only a fraction of a second to process that thought before James' teeth sunk into my right arm. The pain that followed was excruciating. It rivaled the long-faded memories of my change. I didn't remember much, but I remembered the all-consuming burn. All of those hideous memories surged back, concentrated in my arm. I fell to my knees as the pain wracked my body.

It wasn't until I looked down that I was able to comprehend I no longer had an arm. It was now in James' hands, wriggling grotesquely. My scream of horror caught in throat. I was unable to do anything but stare stupidly at the empty spot that had once been my arm. All that was left was a jagged stump. It looked like a split rock, crystal shards protruding from it. No blood, no venom, no fucking arm.

I was intensely aware of the fact that I wasn't whole. I could feel my arm, struggling to reconnect with my body, but too weak to complete the task. The basic need to fix itself was calling on all the energy my body possessed.

I considered that maybe they had decided to kill me. If I wouldn't agree to follow their commands, then perhaps I was as good as dead in their eyes. At one time, the idea of death might have been a welcome thought. I'd never asked for this existence, so the thought of leaving it behind was not a painful one. That was before I had met Bella. Now that I had a reason to exist, I would fight tooth and nail to remain at her side. The pain my death would cause her was reason enough to want to live.

James held up my arm like a trophy. My own fingers waved at me, a pathetic plea for me to do something.

"See what happens when you don't play nice, Edward? You could have just done as we asked, but oh no, Edward thinks he knows better than his makers."

I remained quiet.

There were many things I wanted to say, the first being that they weren't my makers. I had never been more proud of that fact. The knowledge that it was Carlisle's venom and not either of theirs that coursed through me was a small comfort.

I could have screamed until my throat was raw but it would have only worsened the situation and I had no desire to be disfigured any further.

My own weakness clawed at my insides. How easily they had managed to scrape my dignity from me. It was pathetic. My only redeeming quality was that I had somehow managed to spare Bella.

"Aww, cat got your tongue?" James taunted. "We haven't taken that yet, so consider yourself lucky. Now start swimming. If you're a good boy, we'll let you keep your other arm."

He tucked my still wriggling limb under his arm, staring pointedly at me. Victoria gave me a shove, pushing me toward the frigid water.

I stood shakily, the pain of my phantom arm reverberating outward with every movement.

"Move!" James commanded. "We're on a schedule here. We don't have all day."

Through sheer force of will, I commanded my body into the ocean. The pain was unreal, but at this point, my options were limited. I was not willing to die. There was so much left in this world I wanted to experience, all of it with Bella.

With that thought hovering in the back of my mind, buried beneath the haze of pain, I forced my good arm to paddle and my legs to kick. I was much slower than usual, though still faster than a human. The routine movements gave me something to focus on other than the agony that radiated from my stump. Every so often I would catch a peek of my detached arm ahead, bobbing in James grip as he swam. I had to tear my eyes away to keep moving forward. If it were possible for vampires to get sick, that sight would have been my breaking point.

Eventually I started to lose track of time. The repetitive movements coupled with the searing pain had diminished my mental capacity so much, I was barely functioning at a human level. The brightening skies told me morning was approaching, so I knew we must have been travelling for hours, at least. We'd left Forks just as the day was changing.

Still, we kept going. Only when fat raindrops started to pierce the choppy water did James slow down. He turned to converse with Victoria but I paid no attention, too exhausted to think if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

"Out. Now," he commanded, pointing to the shore and shaking my shoulder.

Between them, James and Victoria hauled me into a cabin not too far from the shore. I had no concept of how far we had travelled. The flora scattered around led me to believe we'd made it as far as California, but I had no way of knowing if that guess was correct.

They broke the lock on the door with a twist. I could only be thankful that no one was inside. I wasn't sure I could stomach watching them mutilate humans in my current state.

Carelessly, they deposited me in one of the easy chairs in the living room. I slumped into the seat, my sopping clothing dampening the expensive-looking upholstery. Neither James or Victoria bothered stay in sight to ensure I didn't try to escape. I supposed that was a comment on my pitiable state.

They reappeared several moments later wearing dry clothing. James handed Victoria my arm and sauntered out the front door, leaving me alone with her.

"Where did James go?" I asked.

"None of your business." She thrust several dry garments at me, careful to hold my arm out of my reach. "Here. Put these on. We can't take you anywhere looking like that."

I ignored the clothing she was holding out. "But taking a one-armed person around town is plenty normal!"

"Just shut up and put on the damn clothes." She dropped them on my lap, glaring at me. "You're lucky you're alive, being such a smart mouth to James. If it weren't for me, you'd be dead."

"If it weren't for you, I would be happy," I countered bitterly, feeling a little more snappy now that it wasn't a two on one situation, even if I had no hope of overpowering Victoria in my current one-armed state. "Why couldn't you just let me stay in Washington?"

"We already told you," she grit through her teeth. "You didn't belong there. You are a part of this coven, whether you like it or not. You don't get to choose a new family! Now put on the fucking clothes and shut up."

Defiantly I threw them on the carpet. I might have been pathetic, but I still had a little dignity. I drew the line at stripping down in front of Victoria in my wretched state. She was the one who had insisted I be taken alive. It was safer to defy her than James.

She growled, and swung my own arm at me like a baseball bat. I just managed to duck. "Do not test me. If you want to wait until James gets back, be my guest. I can assure you that you won't like it."

Grudgingly, I swept up the clothing in a fist. "At least turn your head," I barked. She shot me an exasperated glare but did as I asked.

I had just finished buttoning the too-short jeans Victoria had supplied me with when James burst back into the cabin. Tucked under his arm was a folded wheelchair.

I eyed it warily, having a sneaking suspicion why it had been acquired. I didn't want to think about what happened to its previous occupant.

"Vicky, give Eddie his arm. He's gonna need it."

I eyed them distrustfully, wondering how that would benefit them. If they were planning on allowing me to reattach my arm, it made no sense that James had brought a wheelchair.

I didn't dare question the logic, eagerly replacing my arm on the stump. I licked the cracked skin to reattach the limb, watching my venom heal the gap. I'd likely have a hairline scar for the rest of my existence, but that was a small price to pay for use of my arm.

After what seemed an eternity I was able to regain use of each of my fingers. I flexed each one, just to be certain. I heaved a sigh of relief, glad to be feeling whole again. The reprieve from pain was much welcomed. Now that my body was no longer focusing all its energy on repairing itself, I could feel my strength beginning to return.

Not quickly enough.

Before I could adequately celebrate the lack of pain, Victoria was holding me in place as James' nails shredded through my left leg, amputating it at the knee. The pain returned instantaneously, worse than before. It was enough that I doubled over, fruitlessly struggling against the granite arms holding me in place.

I watched in horror as James deposited my writhing leg into a leather suitcase, stuffing it full of clothing to stop it from wiggling like a worm. It was amazing how innocent it appeared, sitting there at his feet. To unsuspecting eyes, it could have been a suitcase carrying sunscreen and vacation clothes.

He shoved the wheelchair in my direction. "Get him in there and make him presentable," he told Victoria. "It's time to get out of here."

Victoria lifted me, depositing me in the chair brusquely. She disappeared down the hallway, returning a moment later with a new pair of jeans to replace the tattered ones that exposed my damaged leg. This time I didn't argue, I pulled them on without comment, through the task was made incredibly awkward by my injury.

There was no hope of escape. My one advantage – speed – was null and void if I couldn't run. James and Victoria had me at their mercy. There was absolutely nothing I could do but hope I could regain their trust and subsequently my leg. In my ruined state, I was useless.

I swallowed hard, turning my eyes away from my lap, unable to allow my mind to linger on the injustice that had been inflicted. How had I gone from blissful satisfaction to utter despair in a matter of hours?

The thought of Bella was both fortifying and horrifying. I wondered if she had realized I was gone yet. Was she worried about me? Had she approached the Cullens for assistance? Were they comforting her? Or looking for me? There were so many questions, none of which I wanted answered. I didn't want to think of Bella worrying about me. I wanted to remember her with a peaceful smile on her beautiful face.

I would cling to the image of her sleeping soundly for the rest of my existence. That was the reason I would never cease to fight for my life. Some way or another, I would find my way back to her. I wasn't sure how, but I was certain I would. Perhaps Bella's grandiose belief that we were tied together by fate had finally sunk into my head.

"What the hell is taking so long?" James demanded, wrenching the image of Bella from my mind. The real world crashed back around me like a cage. "We've already spent too long in this goddamn place. Move!"

So I did. My first instinct was to stand up. As a vampire, instincts often ruled above all else, before the mind could even begin to process the situation. The agony that roared up my left side as I tried to stand sent me toppling back haphazardly into the wheelchair. I whimpered, biting down sharply on my lip to contain a howl of pain.

James chuckled at my mistake. "Careful now," he simpered. "Don't forget you're a cripple."

Calling on all my reserves of strength, I commanded my hands to grip the handrims on the wheelchair, replacing the rhythmic motions of walking with the repetitive movements necessary to keep the wheelchair rolling forward.

Neither James nor Victoria offered to push me, for which I was glad. Keeping myself in motion gave me something to focus on besides the debilitating ache in my leg.

I followed them without bothering to ask where we were going. As long as it wasn't Forks, I didn't care. I wasn't naïve enough to think Washington State was an option, so I kept my mouth shut.

We didn't travel long to reach our destination. Even in my sorry state I was aware enough to hear the planes landing and taking off long before they were visible.

It was only logical that James and Victoria had decided on fleeing through the air. It would be an easy way to thwart pursuers and distort the trail we left behind. James expertise in tracking also afforded him a wide base of knowledge on how to hide himself. Coupled with Victoria's knack for remaining out of sight, I wondered if there was any hope of me being rescued.

During the hours spent floating in the Pacific, I'd tried to reach out to Alice by making broad decisions that might provide her with a means of finding me but I had no way of knowing if I had reached her. Her inability to see Victoria could pose a problem.

The weather seemed prepared to work in the favour of my captors too. The grey clouds that had been spitting rain when we first landed ashore had darkened ominously. A downpour seemed imminent. Or perhaps the weather was just mimicking my foul situation. It was a case of pathetic fallacy at its best. With extra emphasis on pathetic.

James and Victoria purchased tickets while I sat stewing in the waiting lounge. It was almost laughable. Both of their backs were turned and why shouldn't they be? There was absolutely nothing I could do. Even if I was capable of formulating an escape – a daunting task given the inescapable pain – I couldn't execute it with a single leg. Worse, if I drew any negative attention to myself I risked incurring the wrath of the Volturi and certain death.

A young woman slipped into the chair next to me. She tapped my shoulder. "Are you alright? You look upset. Are you lost?" She had wide doe eyes that reminded me of Bella's. Hers were icy blue and not nearly as pretty.

I pursed my lips, ignoring her sympathetic thoughts. There was a spark of attraction that she wasn't sure what to do with. My innate ability to draw in humans had managed to trump even my piteous state.

With herculean effort I shook my head. "I'm fine." I angled my body away from her hoping she would take the hint and leave me alone.

James and Victoria were at my side in a flash. There might have been no need to worry about me escaping but it was too dangerous for me to be socializing with strangers on my own.

Victoria patted my head like I was a puppy. "Who's your friend, Edward?" There was an edge in her voice that the girl seemed to recognize instantly. Her eyes grew round and she backed away half a foot.

"Oh, I'm an employee for one of the airlines," she said bravely. "It's not too often we see disabled flyers on their own. I was just asking Edward," she smiled at me as she said my name, "if there was anything I could help him with."

"He's with us," Victoria said sharply. A tinny voice reverberated through the speakers overhead, announcing boarding for an outgoing flight. "That's us. So if you don't mind, we'll be on our way." She unlocked my wheelchair and turned her back on the girl.

"What do you think you're doing?" James snapped at me once Victoria had wheeled me a safe distance away from the lounge area. "Appealing to the pity of humans isn't going to help your case."

I ignored him. I was in no mood to start an argument. I just wanted to get on the damn plane to wherever the hell we were going so I could sulk and think of Bella in a worthless effort to make myself feel better.

Other than a suspicion that we might be carrying illegal goods at the baggage scan – my leg being the item in question – we had no further incidents. I might have found it humourous if I wasn't in such an atrocious mood. As if being kidnapped, ripped away from the only girl I would ever love and forced to endure immense physical pain wasn't enough, the threat of discovery and death at the hands of the Volturi loomed.

"It's my fucking prosthetic!" I roared at the chubby man behind the x-ray machine. "Do you really need to pull it out to check? Or have I not suffered enough indignity?"

He blinked. "Um… so, so sorry about that, sir," he stumbled over his words in his hurry to apologize. "I don't know what I was thinking. It should have been obvious. I didn't mean any offense! I mean, I'm sorry. Really."

James patted me on the back proudly, amused by the poor man's terrified reaction. He smirked at him as he snatched the leather suitcase from the conveyor belt. I turned away full of shame for the way I had acted. The thought that I'd made James proud sickened me.

I allowed myself to tune out the rest of the world until we had boarded our flight. I had proven I was unfit to talk to people in my current state. I pretended to fall asleep immediately after boarding. No one attempted to wake me. Even the flight attendants left well enough alone.

Not too long after the plane had leveled off at 30,000 feet, I overheard one of the other passengers thinking about meeting his son for a Blackhawks game once we landed.

It was ironic that we were heading to my hometown, the city I had promised Bella we would visit, last night when I'd given her my mother's key.

It had been only hours ago but it seemed like decades. Time was such a strange thing. How was it possible that it moved so rapidly when you least wanted it to and slowed impossibly when all you wished was that it would pass?

I wondered if I would ever get the opportunity to introduce her to my city. Or do any of the other things I had hoped to share with her. What if I couldn't escape this wretched half-existence? How many days or weeks or years would I lose, trapped in a life I no longer wanted?

The thought of Bella growing without me, leaving behind my memory and eventually moving on with someone else sent a stake through my heart. If I'd thought the physical pain was unbearable, I was wrong. It seemed like little more than an annoyance in comparison. I didn't care the cost, I would find my way back to her. It was the fuel I needed to keep my thinning sanity from floating away completely.

As usual, Bella was my saving grace.

xx

2,598,721.

That was how many seconds it had been since I had seen Bella's face. Actually, it was that many seconds since I began to actively keep track. I didn't care to think about how much greater the number would be if calculated more accurately.

Over two and a half million seconds added up to thirty days. Thirty fucking days and I'd been trapped in this hell for every one of them, acutely aware of each additional second that was added to the tally.

It was hard to believe I'd once thought of this house as a safe haven. Now my childhood home was little more than a prison. As far as I was concerned, it could be burned to the ground. I no longer hoped to bring Bella here. I never wanted to expose her to this wretched place and the ghosts that haunted it.

All of the faded memories of my parents that lived in these walls were buried beneath more sinister ones I would be nothing but pleased to see banished from the earth. In place of the warm memories of my mother's cooking and learning to play piano, I had seen and been exposed to atrocities of which I never wished to speak of again.

The red hue of my irises was proof of that.

James and Victoria had kept me locked in the house for weeks, claiming that I'd been "dirtied" by animal blood and I needed to be cleansed. Long after my eyes had turned ebony, still they refused to allow me a drop of blood.

By the fifteen day mark I was ravenous. The burn in my throat paired with the twin burn emanating from my torn arm reached excruciating levels. The pins and needles that stabbed at my throat every time I caught a whiff of Bella's mouthwatering scent were mild in comparison. Even the thirst I had felt when I'd spent weeks without blood, before I knew it was possible to drink from animals, was no comparison.

Sometimes I would think I was going mad as a result of the combined tortures. I might have been able to weather the thirst or the physical pain or even the emotional ache of being torn from my mate but all together it was too much, heightened vampire capabilities be damned.

Sometimes I would think I saw Bella standing in the room with me but then I'd blink and she would be gone. Relief always flooded me when her image evaporated. I didn't want her here, where James and Victoria could hurt her. I'd gladly suffer anything they could do to me, so long as she remained out of their grasp. I didn't want her to see me in this horrific state, broken and mad with thirst.

Even when they had reduced me to my absolute lowest, there was worse yet to be done.

The eighteenth day after I had been barricaded in the basement, James paraded into the dark room, a gleeful smile declaring his depraved intentions.

"We've got a treat for you!" he sing-songed. "I know you're going to be just thrilled!"

The scent that wafted through the lone door into the basement left no doubt what he was talking about. Upstairs, there was a petrified human man, huddled in a corner of the kitchen. All of his thoughts and prayers were for god, and little more than wasted breath. His fate had been sealed the moment he had been captured by vampires.

I held my breath, fighting against every instinct that demanded more of the luscious scent.

"Aw, c'mon," James chided, seeing my response. "Aren't you getting thirsty? Wouldn't you rather taste that delicious smelling morsel upstairs than some fucking livestock?"

I shook my head. The action was shakier than I would have preferred but my resolve was set. I was not going to kill the human. My mate was human. It would decimate her trust in me. I would not disrespect her in any way.

"Vicky!" James called up the stairs, "Bring our friend Fred to meet Eddie! I'm sure they'll get on swimmingly!"

Victoria appeared at the top of the landing, a terrified man clawing at her arm, which was clamped around his throat. He was easily a foot taller than her, but size was deceiving. His fingers were bloody with the effort of trying to pierce her stone skin. She chucked him down the flight of stairs as easily as if she had been tossing a baseball.

He landed a few feet in front of me with a sickening crunch. He was alive – barely, if the weak patter of his heart was any indication – but had suffered a few broken bones. I winced involuntarily. The fall seemed to have knocked him unconscious, a small mercy, it seemed.

All I could think about was that there might be someone out there waiting for him to come home. Was his name even Fred? Whatever it was, he was a person with a name and a job and a life worth more than a meal.

Victoria jauntily hopped down the steps, leaping over Fred as though she hadn't just catapulted the man to his death.

"He's all yours Edward," she said playfully. "Go ahead. We brought you a criminal for old time's sake. We know how much you used to love the bad boys."

I didn't respond. I was unwilling to forfeit the stale air in my lungs. I didn't know if I could hold myself in check if I did. The thought of drinking from the poor man made me feel queasy, even as my body demanded it was necessary.

"Don't be difficult!" Victoria snapped. "We're extending an easy kill. We thought you'd be glad to eat properly again. How many months have you been denying your body proper nutrition? All for what? Because that stupid human girl asked you to?"

My jaw clenched at the mention of Bella. Victoria saw the twitch. Her own expression hardened. "Don't tell me you're still sore about that girl? Is that what it will take to make you happy? We can find you another girl."

I didn't want another girl. There was only one girl for me. Though I wasn't about to tell them that. I had already let them know too much by asserting that she was my mate the day I was abducted. I wasn't about to let them touch Bella in the name of doing something benevolent for my sake. It was unspeakably selfish but I was willing to let them sacrifice an innocent, anonymous girl's life, if it meant saving Bella's.

Victoria scowled at my blank face. "Fine, have it your way." She stalked over to Fred, jerking his limp body up by his shirt collar. There was a stomach-lurching snap and then Fred was no more. It was unsettling how quickly his heart ceased beating. Even more perturbing was how easily that could have been Bella in his place. She was just as delicate and easily breakable.

Somehow, James and Victoria managed to divest Fred of his life force. I turned away, unable to watch, though the dripping sounds of thick liquid filling a glass were unmistakable.

James advanced toward me holding the flask filled with scarlet liquid. I knew what was coming but I was defenseless. Stone arms and legs cemented me in place as I thrashed. Splashes of crimson decorated the room as I fought to keep the flask away from my mouth but James and Victoria were stronger.

And that was how my eyes turned red again.

Faintly red, more the colour of wine than blood, but it was enough to remind me of the monster I used to be. Mercifully my prison in the basement was without mirrors, so I didn't have to see them often.

That torture was saved for special occasions: the days that we ventured out to casinos. Every one of the damn places were lined with flashy signs and dozens of reflective surfaces. Mirrors and metals so polished that they might as well be abounded. I loathed them nearly as much as the fucking basement.

The sole benefit was they provided my only insight into the outside world. As much as I hated being confined to the basement, the days I was permitted outside were a chance to reaffirm my sanity. Trapped alone in shadow, mired in never-ending pain, it was easy to lose sight of reality.

Our first trip had taken place only two days after we had arrived in the city. James and Victoria had expected that the humiliation and pain that I'd experienced in the initial phase of my kidnapping would be enough to keep me compliant. It wasn't.

Only a few days into the ordeal, I'd been overconfident. I'd thought being in public would allow me to refuse to obey their commands without serious consequences. After being abducted and unable to do anything to rebel, I relished the chance to show them I wasn't completely under their power.

I allowed them to dress me in an expensive suit and parade me through the flashing lights, past table after table decorated with thousands of dollars worth of poker chips. I'd refused to speak a word, acting the part of mute. The pleasure of watching their incensed faces was short lived.

My rebellion had marked the beginning of Fred's end and nearly three weeks of entrapment in the basement. After that, I hadn't dared be anything but compliant. I didn't want to be the cause of another innocent human's death. It might have been done in the name of punishing me but I hadn't been the one who suffered most.

I was not eager to incur a repeat performance. I was dreading the inevitable as it was. Sooner or later I would have to drink something and it had already been made abundantly clear to me that animal blood was not an option.

Following Fred's murder, James and Victoria must have decided that I had been sufficiently taught a lesson. The subsequent evening, I was washed of the dried red smears and dressed in another lavish suit. I didn't complain as I was wheeled into a casino with an immaculate fake ID, nor did I put up a fuss as we made the rounds through the betting tables, skimming a few thousand here, a few thousand there.

At the upscale places James and Victoria chose to frequent, it was easy to fly under the radar with substantial winnings so long as you were careful never to hit a jackpot. Millions were won and lost in the course of a day. No one paid attention to the man walking out with ten thousand when two tables over someone had just claimed fifty.

I filled my role as a gracious but excited winner perfectly. I hated myself for playing into their hands but the alternative was just as unacceptable.

It became a nightly routine. The only variable was the scenery. Sometimes the location changed, but all else remained the same: the starched suit, the abuse of my gift to deceive humans, the quiet winning, and of course the threat of losing my other leg.

They had no intention of following through. It would be too peculiar. Everyone remembered the poor, disabled, one-legged boy finally enjoying a much deserved lucky streak. Suddenly appearing short another leg would draw far too much attention. Lucky for them, the empty threat was never what kept me from acting out.

xx

2,809,529.

Three additional hours had been forged into the history books. Left alone with my thoughts, it was a welcome relief to be interrupted, even if it was by Victoria.

She appeared at the top of the stairwell, a newly pressed suit covered in plastic in hand. It was one I recognized from several days before. The single-breasted charcoal number I wore the one night James and Victoria insisted it was time to go for a high-stakes poker jackpot. I won, of course. So maybe it could be considered my lucky suit.

I never would have thought I would miss the trendy dark-wash jeans that Alice kept in steady supply but I did. They felt more like home than any of the perfectly tailored things I had worn in recent days. The pair I had been wearing the night I was abducted had long since been trashed.

Daintily prancing down the stairs, she tossed the garment bag in my lap. "Put this on," she ordered. "We're leaving in five. Be ready."

It was still light out, so the command was unusual. Typically our gambling escapades were saved for the post-dusk hours. Gambling was an activity intended to be shrouded in darkness, after all.

Waiting until the door shut behind her, I started the arduous process of forcing my body into the material. I had yet to acclimate to its broken state. I didn't think I ever would. The vampire mind was not built to process change. That was why it was so painful to be without my leg. The only thing my mind was capable of processing was the need to mend itself. The effort of trying to do anything else, even something as simple as changing my clothes required effort I didn't have to expend.

It wasn't until I we were gathered outside that I realized I hadn't seen daylight since I had been captured. Plump clouds sailed in the sky above, so there was no danger of the sun exposing our inhuman skin. They were sprinkling snow and had been for days. Even trapped in the basement, it was easy to hear the flutter of snowfall. It was calming in its steady rhythm.

More than once I had imagined Bella and I playing in the snow. She would have made a beautiful snow angel. I could picture her hair snarled by the wind and her cheeks rosy from the icy cold. I would make sure she was bundled up tightly, of course. She would be adorable in a woolen scarf and matching hat. One with a fat pompom on the end.

"What the hell are you waiting for? Get in the cab!" James snapped, detangling me from my wishful thoughts.

I didn't have to pretend to be awkward and human. My disability was great enough I fumbled getting myself out of the wheelchair and into the car.

"A little help?" I growled, bitter. The cab driver's eyebrows raised, his gaze focusing on us through the rearview mirror. "Please," I added, for the sake of civility.

Victoria offered her hand with an eye roll. I clenched my jaw, wishing I didn't need to ask for help. I grasped her hand harder than necessary, digging my nails into her flesh, pleased when she snatched her hand away with a glare.

I confined my eyes to the window the entire ride. I didn't listen for the directions Victoria had given the driver, nor did I care. It didn't matter where we went. All the places we frequented were filled with debauchery I would have rather avoided.

We were only a minute away – the familiar route told me where we were headed whether I wanted to know or not – when I spotted a familiar head of brown hair through a shop window. The waves of mahogany running through it were unmistakable. And then she turned, a steaming mug in hand, and I caught sight of familiar features. Even from the distance, the chocolate brown was unmistakable.

Icy panic rushed through my frozen veins. What was she doing here in a little coffee shop? Was it really her? Or was this another hallucination brought on by an unfortunate combination of pain and heartache?

Up until now, I'd been confident in my ability to differentiate between what was real and what was not. For the first time I couldn't make the distinction. I was overwhelmingly certain it was her. Except that it couldn't be. There was no reason for her to be in Chicago. Was I finally losing my grasp on reality?

I kept my head down though my entire being was aching to burst from the vehicle and pull her into my arms. The rational part of me was all too aware of the peril doing so would place her in. I had to act normal for her sake. I glimpsed at James and Victoria through my peripheral vision, relieved to see they were paying no attention to the world outside the cab.

My gaze remained glued to her until the car turned into the parking lot, cutting her from my field of vision. I fought against the instinct to crane my neck to keep her in sight. Panic and need mingled in my throat fighting for supremacy.

The picture of her standing there framed in the window, holding a mug with curls of steam emanating from it was too tangible to be a figment of my imagination.

If only I could have reached out, I could have grasped her hand in mine.