AN: Thanks for all the kind reviews. They are very appreciated! As always, no beta or proofreader, so I apologize for any typos and grammatical mistakes I wasn't able to catch on my own.

Chapter 3:

Tony figured that the best defense was always a good offense. So he assessed the situation, and decided that the game was not yet lost. Although it was obvious Gibbs had noticed his little half-salute, it looked like he was going to ignore the elephant now crowded into the bathroom with them. Nobody ever said Tony wasn't a quick thinker, so before his dick worked its way into a full-fledged hard-on he speedily hatched a game plan to save himself from: a) more embarrassment, and b) possible death by Gibbs-glare. The only thing he could think of to 'deflate' the situation was to quickly twist his waist, causing a burning spasm of pain to shoot across his back and radiate through his extremities. "Oh sweet mother!" burst from his lips as the agony hit.

"What the hell's wrong with you DiNozzo?" Gibbs shot back as he studied the pain on his SFA's face. "What are you flailing around for?"

"Um, muscle cramp in my leg Boss. I had to move." Tony hoped Gibbs wouldn't call him on the weak lie. Taking a second to breath through the residual pain, he (thankfully) determined that All was Quiet on the Western Front. No more happy dance downstairs. The elephant had been banished and they were back to the originally scheduled program, i.e., getting out of this godforsaken bathtub.

Gibbs decided that the tub wasn't going to get any less slippery no matter how much water he splashed around, so they'd better get on with getting Tony out. He toed off his sneakers then pulled off his socks and stepped a leg over the lip of the tub so he was straddling Tony's prone body, one leg in and one out.

Tony sighed. He really needed to find out from Abby how to fix his karma. He now had an up close and personal view of exactly how faded and worn Gibbs' jeans were, and how tightly they molded to his thighs and uh, crotch, with him stretching over the tub like that.

"Okay DiNozzo. I'm going to grab you under the armpits, and see if I can get you sitting up to start with. Okay?"

"Go for it Boss. Pretty sure it's gonna hurt, but don't worry about it. Don't stop. I've gotta get out somehow."

Gibbs reached down and grabbed Tony, and slowly tried to ease him upright. He could tell the other man was in pain, but he steeled himself to it and kept lifting, sort of half sliding/dragging Tony's ass back along the tub as he lifted, so there was room to sit upright.

Tony tried to ignore the pain, and he helped Gibbs as much as he could, trying to support some of his weight on his arms and assist in the sliding. It was sort of hard to do with his eyes closed, but there was no way in hell he was opening his eyes right now, with his face a foot from Gibbs' crotch. So much for the lack of inhibition locker room showers provided, this was just too personal.

Once Tony was sitting upright, more or less, Gibbs let him go, and switched positions so that he was now behind the other man. He once again placed his hands under Tony's armpits and began to lift. Tony gasped with the pain as his back began spasming from the movement, and Gibbs quickly paused.

"No Boss, keep going. Like ripping a band-aid you know. Just gotta get it over with."

So Gibbs kept lifting until Tony was up on his feet, one hand cautiously bracing himself on the wall and the other gripping his lower back, massaging the muscles. Gibbs made sure Tony was steady, then stepped out of the tub and grabbed a couple of towels.

"Here you go Tony, can you dry off okay?"

Tony took one towel and wrapped it around his waist, then used the second to carefully blot at his chest and arms, trying not to actually move any part of his torso as he dried. "This will do. I just want to get into bed."

Gibbs helped him over the side of the tub, and they carefully made their way down the hall to Tony's bedroom. Tony was thankful to be up and out of the tub, and to have the towel covering him. As soon as he was in bed, he'd get Gibbs to bring him a few painkillers, and he could drift into la-la-land, forgetting any part of this miserable day had happened. He would block the memory of those embarrassing moments in the bathtub from his mind, and never think about them again.

Abby had rummaged through Tony's drawers and found boxers for him to wear and left them laying on the bed. She had also filled a glass with water and left it on his nightstand along with his bottle of ibuprofen, and taken the time to turn down his covers and plump his pillows. She must have felt bad for teasing him earlier.

"Thanks for the help Gibbs. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't home. I'll just get dressed and get into bed, then hopefully my back will settle down some."

He could now pretend that the burgeoning erection was just a fluke, a momentary misfire of his body's chemistry. It had nothing to do with Gibbs. Tony reached for the boxers on his bed and dropped the towel from his waist, realizing as he did so that his Big Day of Bad Luck and All Around Shittiness wasn't quite over yet.

Gibbs seemed to realize the same thing, and reached to take the boxers from Tony. "You can't bend over to get these on can you DiNozzo?"

"I can pretty much guarantee this is the first time I've needed help with my underpants since I was three. Back then they were probably Captain America Underoos, not boring plaid boxers."

Gibbs smirked. "Captain America Tony? I didn't realize your crime-fighting fascination started that long ago."

"Oh, I had all the Underoos: Superman, Batman. Captain America was my favorite. I guess I've always been a sucker for a man in tights."

Gibbs was kneeling on the floor with the boxers held open for Tony to step into. He paused, and stared up at Tony, one eyebrow raised in question.

Tony took a moment and replayed that last line in his head. "Huh. Well that came out weird. Not really what I meant at all. I don't find men in tights attractive in any way. I meant that I've just always been into men playing a superhero role. Which is also not what I meant to say. I don't like men. Not like I like women, whom I tend to find very attractive in tights. Like Abby. Or like gymnasts." Tony paused and furrowed his brow for a moment. "I don't like Abby, Boss. Not like I like…"

"DiNozzo! Shut up and step into your damn boxers."

"Yes Boss."

Gibbs yanked the boxers up far enough for Tony to reach, and got up to flip the covers back even more so Tony could sit down on the bottom sheet. "You got anything stronger than OTC Tony?" he asked as he helped Tony to lift his legs up onto the bed and swing them around, then ease Tony down onto the pillows.

"Yeah, in the medicine chest there's both painkillers and muscle relaxants leftover from the Hopper case a couple months ago. They're gonna make me loopier than shit, but I think I need'em Gibbs."

Gibbs disappeared down the hall and came back with the two prescription bottles and Tony's cell phone. Tony took the pills and water offered by Gibbs, and lifted his head somewhat to drink and swallow. "Thanks Gibbs. I'm sure this wasn't how you planned to spend your evening. What were you and Abbs up to anyway?"

"She was cooking me dinner. Some kind of Cajun chicken rice casserole thing I think. Smelled good anyway."

"Oh, sorry I ruined your dinner."

"No problem DiNozzo. She turned the oven down; it'll still be warm when we get home. I'm gonna go clean up the bathroom a bit. I'll be back in few minutes to check on you."

"You don't have to do that Gibbs, I can get it tomorrow." Tony yawned around his protest.

"Don't worry about it. Abby wants to come see you, can I send her down?"

"Umm, hmm. Yeah."

A few minutes later, Abby stuck her head around the doorframe, and smiled at him. Getting a smile in return, she immediately climbed into bed with Tony and snuggled up to his side. "I'm sorry Tony. I didn't mean to be so mean when you were hurting. It wasn't nice to tease you like that. As soon as I finish cooking Gibbs' dinner, and packaging up all his freezer meals, then I'm coming straight back here to spend the night, in case you need something later."

"S'okay Abbs. I'm sure if I came across you in that position I'd have made a few jokes too. You don't need to spend the night, these pills will kick in soon enough, and then I'll be out of it until morning."

"I think they're kicking in already. You're getting a little bit slurry."

Gibbs was back, standing in the bedroom door.

"Hey Gibbs, you ready to leave? No arguing Tony. I'll just let myself in with my key since you can't get up to stop me. I'm coming back." With that she kissed his cheek, climbed off the bed, and headed for the door, stopping when Gibbs caught her arm.

"You've got a key?"

At her nod, he shook his head in exasperation. "Then why did I pick his lock?"

"Cause it wouldn't have been as fun to just unlock the door Gibbs. We were staging a rescue. It had to be dramatic." She quirked a smile on her face, and bounced off to the living room to begin the process of strapping herself into her boots.

Gibbs shook his head and smiled. "Gotta love her. Now, I stuck your cell on the table here, can you reach it?" Tony nodded and gave Gibbs a slightly goofy smile. He really did get stoned quickly on any kind of drugs. "Call me if you need help again tonight, or let Abby help you. You're hurt; don't try to be a hero. I'll call in the morning to see how you are."

"Ok Gibbs. I'll be a good special agent and not try nothin' schtupid tonight. But I'm not a hero. You're the shooper-hero Gibbs. Even if you don't wear tights."

Gibbs rolled his eyes at Tony, and then left him to sleep. Tony could hear Gibbs and Abby leave, and the door click shut behind them. He floated in a muzzy haze, happy the drugs were starting to do their job, and his back was easing a bit. As he drifted off, he tried to wrap his foggy mind around his bizarre thoughts of superheros and underpants and muscled thighs in spandex tights. Hmm, he bet Gibbs would look hot in a Superman suit.