Title: In Hell with Love
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or its characters. I'm just a fan
Author's note: Thank you necira (hope I didnt make you wait too long), Mma63 (I dont think he's only feeling guilty -big grin- thank you for your encouragements), Ilovejohnmayer (Sara's my fave too -smiles- I like greg too), apcJodi (I'm glad this story is one of your faves -hugs-), xoSnickersxo (Haha, your review made me smile), Meg-Breanne (hee, I typed this story as fast as I could for you), samantha (your review made my day and kept me going -hugs-), jdcocoagirl (hugs), SaraLou (hugs), maricejayo (hugs), kjeh (hugs), bene (hugs), ladylovercsi08 (i'm not sure how many chapters till the end, i havent really planned yet), refinnej (hugs) and leana9101(thanks for adding this story as your faves) for your reviews.
I never had this many reviews before. I left each of you a note or a hug for that. -smiles- Hope you'll keep reading and reviewing this story.
Chapter 18
Sara? Sara, can you hear me?
There are voices…voices in my head.
C'mon. Open your eyes for me.
I'm hearing things… tender words that can't be real…can't be for me…
You're safe now.
The ground…it's too soft…to be the ground. The room… too bright to be mine.
Sara? Sara?
Someone's calling me? Is it him? Is he coming to get me?
No one's gonna… hurt you…
Hurt me?
…as long as I am here.
Oh my Gosh… where am I?
------------------------------
Beep… beep… beep… beep…
"That's it, Sara. You can do it…" Nick leaned in, his open eyes on the same level as her closed ones. He smiled. He wanted his face to be the first thing she sees. He wanted her to see the hope in his eyes, to hear the faith in his voice, to feel the care in his heart… He owed it to her… He smoothed her silken hair back from her pale face, trying to soothe her in the only way he knew how. Her thin hand was still holding on to his fingers; his almost too big, hers almost too small. Her breathing was heavy, her paper gown laid feather soft against her skin. The air around her smelled like lemons. Her eyes peeled opened, and yet partly closed as to prevent the minute amount of light from blinding her.
"Cath, get the light switch. Turn off the lights." Nick looked up at Catherine for a second, before turning back to Sara. Catherine saw a spark in his eyes that she hadn't seen in a long time.
Joy.
His thumb brushed against her sunken cheekbone, careful not to touch any bruises—bruises darkening from temple to jaw. She twitched slightly; the faint weak reflex of her atrophied muscles. Her body had an alertness, a tension that he sense in the way her eyes moved. She frowned in utter confusion as she turned her head and opened her mouth, her startled red eyes searching the room as if to see where all the air gone.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
Her heart monitor went berserk. A fear woke within her that she could not comprehend. Her thoughts were incoherent, chaotic. She could not focus on any one train of thought and follow it through a logical conclusion. A voice in her head was telling her to run, another was telling her to fight. Her legs would not move. Her hands would not act. Her heart was beating so fast. Too fast, that she thought she was having a heart attack.
Fear…Fear…Fear
Terror sucked the breath from her lungs. She opened her eyes wide and strained them into the blackness. She could not see. Shapes blended into one blurred image as if she was viewing the world through a cotton gauze. Black, blue and white mashed together like colours on a painter's palette. Slowly, sounds began to form. Beeping from machines. Voices. Breathing. It scared her. She was in a dark room—her dark room? She wasn't alone. Someone prowled the shadows beyond her vision… someone… right in front of her!
Nails slashed skin. Fingers, so close to mauling eyes out of its sockets.
Nick hadn't seen that one coming. He felt a sharp blow on his face and stumbled back. He reflectively placed his hand on his cheek; fingers touching his face to check if his eyes were still there. The skin on his face became warm and inflamed beneath his fingers. His flesh broken by a power so forced that it could only be controlled by fear and adrenaline. It didn't hurt though, not at much as the hurt that crushed his hopeful expectation of the situation.
He could not believe it that, in her panic, Sara had defended herself… against him…
She sat bolt upright. A pain shot up her body and a series of bright dots appeared. Even with all her confusion, she knew that those dots were not stars from heaven, but the consequences of the intense earth pain she was feeling—unmistakable, matchless pain. The pain took a stab at her chest, and punched her throat. Sara felt her head spinning. She entered a kind of euphoric state, as the endorphins in her brain try to compensate physical distress she's experiencing.
"Nick! Are you alright?"
"Sara! Stop! It's okay!"
The cries and exclamation of others seemed distant, as if coming from another world. She glanced around quickly, trying to understand why her universe had altered in some inexplicable way. Her breathing became laboured, and she was afraid she would suffocate in a room full of air. She was going to die as if she was being buried alive or plunged into the depths of the sea, with no one around to save her. Turning her head, she found out that her arm was strapped down at the side of the bed, tubes inserted without her permission, unknown chemicals pumped into her veins. She gasped, pulling her arm in order to get free from her restraints. Her body felt violated and degraded. Disrespected. She continued making heroic efforts to breathe, but the air would not go it. What's worse, death would not come. She was fully aware of what's happening to her and yet, she did not lose consciousness.
"Sara? Sara. Calm down…It's okay."
Catherine said, her hands outstretched to show Sara that she wasn't a threat. It was odd; Her arms were shaking and her voice quivered, like she had lost her ability to remain calm and composed. She watched helplessly as Sara struggled to free herself from the tourniquet around her wrist, the bed moving inches to the side until the strap finally came loose.
"Sara…Honey. Listen to me…" Catherine said, loud and firm, but gentle. "It's Cath. Remember?— I need you to calm down…" Sara held her arm protective to her chest, relieved that her hand was back in her possession. Her pain and confusion was writ across her expressive face as Catherine spoke, as if she wasn't expecting to hear a female's voice apart from her own. Sara's eyes were filled with tears, and she was trying her best not to cry… not to make a sound, like she was afraid to, like she was programmed to…
He did it. He broke her...
Sara glanced suspiciously at Catherine and then at Nick, who had managed to recover with a deep scratch just beneath his right eye, ending at the bridge of his nose. The way she looked at him made him feel lower than dirt, maybe even worse.
"Its okay. No one's going to hurt you. Its alright." He said, wanting to believe. Needing to believe...
"…Okay… no one… hurt you… alright…"
What? There was buzzing in her ears. Her hands were clenched so tight that they were digging into her palm, almost drawing blood. Nick watched helplessly as Sara struggle with her pain. He was inches away from the bed that held his panic-stricken friend but the closer he got, the more panicked she became. The whites of her eyes were scarlet red, peeking between her silken, untrimmed hair that flowed wildly about her face. Her bout of hysteria had taken its toll on her skeletal, starved frame and Nick could see her tiredness in her limbs. He reached out for her hand, but she violent recoiled from touch, shifting away.
He's going to hurt you. He's going to get you….
By now, her paper gown was drenched in sweat. Sara ripped her medical tube out of her arms, causing her to flinch in pain. She struggled out of her bed and onto her feet, holding the flaccid piece of medical equipment like how a person would hold a knife. She pointed it straight at Nick, her hands shaking to an uncontrollable extent. She was afraid of him, and knowing that sadden him greatly. It made his heart ached. He had to get closer. He could make her understand if he got closer. He took a step towards Sara.
"Don't…" She blurted as she moved away from him. She continued to back up until her injured back was pressed against the wall. "Stay away from me…"
Nick slowly moved towards her, hoping she would believe him, but fearing that she would not. As he approached, she moved, keeping the distanced between them constant. "Stay away…" she repeated, her voice cracking with fear and panic that surged through her. He stopped moving, sensing that his pursuit was adding to her rising panic.
What now, genius? His brain mocked him. He was in the verge of tears and he felt ashamed, helpless, lost… He was going to lose her and he didn't know what to do.
"Sara, I…"
Before Nick could say another word, several medical personnel appeared at her door. Strangers with faces etched with worry and interest. Once the word got out that the tortured patient was awake and was at risk of hurting herself and others, every concern and curious hospital staff wanted to get involved. That made things worse. Nick yelled at them to get away but it was too late. Sara had already seen them. To her, their greyish form were moving like worms in a sack, their heads shifting from side to side to get a better look.
Monsters in Human Skins
"No!" Sara yelled. Her eyes were sending hundreds of random images in to her brain, combining the feeling of suffocation with the sense of complete visual confusion. She had to get away from this nightmare. She immediately retreated to the corner of the room away from the door, pulling the medical tube too far. The IV stand fell over with a deafening crash. Voices at the door lost their calm, technical tone and become tense, issuing rapid orders. Her own heartbeat terrified her, the machine beeping throwing her merciless into complete disorientation…
Somebody help me!
She felt a pair of strong arms wrapped around her fleshless body, engulfing her in a tight embrace. She heard him murmured something as he held her in a bear hug. She felt trapped. She did not know who he was. It's him! It must be! He's back. He's got her. She knew what was coming next. No! Not again. Get off! Get away! She struggled to get away, struggling like she did for months when she was fighting for her life back in her prison.
Somebody…Please! Somebody help me!
Sara grabbed the back of his shirt and tried to pull him off her but he wouldn't budge. She used her bandaged hand to push him away but she was too weak. She desperately clawed and pounded against the rock-hard creature as she felt her last ounce of energy leaving her body…
She felt eyes looking at her as she struggled, each of them watching as she fought for dear life. From the corner of her eye, one of the monsters came running in with a needle.
No! I don't want that! Pancho, Pancho, Pancho… Please come…save me…
She shut her eyes tight, but the injection never came. She heard an angry, muffled growl and the needle-wielding fiend stood her ground. Unable to control herself any longer, Sara started crying uncontrollably. The inevitable has come, and she was going to die. All those months of pain and loneliness she endured, clinging on to hope that her friends would find her, her fight for survival through hell… they were all for nothing. He was going to kill her… and she didn't get a chance to say good-bye…
"It's over now… You're all right… If you know its me… hug me back."
What? What did he say? Sara's head swam, enveloped by the familiar scent as her shoulder shook beneath his hands. Her repetitive poundings and clawing slowed to mere hits and scrapes as he spoke. As he whispered lies—reassurances, nonsense—into her hair.
"Hug… me… back… if you know it's me…"
She knew that voice. Her body relaxed as she remembered that hug. The hug that kept her warm, the hug that supported her when she fell, she remembered. She felt his chin resting on the top of her head as she cried herself out. For that one moment, she knew that everything would be just fine…For once, something turned out right. The hope she had held on for so long… it came.
It finally came…
"Sara…if you're in danger, afraid or anything at all… shout "Pancho" three times and wherever I am… I'll come running to save you.
"Pancho, Pancho, Pancho… and you'll come running?"
"And I'll come running to save you…I promise..."
The nurse moved in to give Sara an injection in her arm….
It's not all a lie. Not all of it…
She felt the needle pierce her skin. Her body shook in response. But the hug remained…
He promises, and he always keeps his promise…
She felt her tears burning her eyes as the last drop of sedative flowed into a vein in her bruised arm. She was afraid to fall asleep, but somehow it felt right…
Remember that. Remember… It's not all lies.
Using whatever will and strength she had left, Sara did something she had not done to another in a long time…
She hugged him…
--
She hugged Nick Stokes back…
TBC
This was a very disorientating chapter for me to write. But I wanted to give all of you a sense of how Sara feels. Hopefully it wasnt too confusing (it was for me at first. Haha)
I dont know if its just me or I'm not writing as well as before -sobs-. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.