Author's Rant: Here's the next chapter. Oh boy. . .
Shattered
Ok, ok, ok. Play it cool, don't get crazy. It's just Kagome. I can handle this, I can. I just gotta think fast before anyone notices something out of whack. Damn I can't believe my luck. This had to be some kind of twisted joke. For fuck's sake, Kagome? Of all the got'damn people it just had to be Kagome's big mouth ass. Shit, I have to think of somethin' before she blows my cover.
"Well Sesshomaru, I see you couldn't wait to bring us your boy toy," I heard from the obviously sexy woman named Kagura. Whew she had a naturally husky sweetness in that voice box. Sounded like personal sex in a can. By the way, this is the first time I've seen this woman and all joking aside, this is the second reason why I found out Kagome prefers her over me. That tongue thing, her voice, that body—sweet mercy what a body with legs going on for days—and that face. Yeah I wouldn't date me either.
Both she and Kagome came dressed to impress in skin tight gowns. Kagome's was a straight shaped wine dress pulled beautifully over her breasts and hips, in a sparkly aqua blue color where it slit at her knee. Kagome's dress was boldly designed. Only one strap huge from her shoulder, connecting to the rest of her magenta printed cut off at the middle of her ankle and spilling mostly to the other side. I see so much smooth delicate skin from all angles.
Their hair was pulled high in a bun exerting tons of mini ringlets that brushed to the right of their heads. And was Kagome wearing lipstick? That two timing tramp never wore that shit for me. Ok I'm done hatin'. It ain't even worth it like that.
Introductions were made while I was lost in my mental inspection because right when I came too, Sesshomaru was pulling me to his side by my waist, telling both Kagura and Kagome who I was.
"Kagura, Kagome this is Inuyasha, my boy—"
"Ouch, oh damn!" I hunkered over holding my stomach in so much pain. "Oh man my stomach hurts," The pain's killin' me. God the pain it hurts. I fell down to my knees, cupping the side of my stomach as I continued complaining about the agony that suddenly appeared.
Sesshomaru was by my side in a heartbeat, checking to where my hands were covered. "Are you alright?" He asked. "Here, let me see." I paused, dropping my head to hide the astonished expression on my face. I'm such an idiot—fucccck I forgot he was training to be a doctor. I gotta think of something fast.
"Oh, I think I have something here," Kagome hurried over, digging in her purse for something. "May I?" Sesshomaru stood to let her check me over and as she leaned in I heard her whisper, "You better explain what the fuck you're doing here because I swear if it's for Sesshomaru I'm gonna kill you."
Mt heart sunk because when she cussed, my ex-babe meant business. Holy shit, I licked my bone dry lips, contemplating my next mode of action. "Take me to the bathroom," I hissed back, painfully. "I'll explain."
"You better," she wickedly returned. With her feigning help, we stood as one with her arm around my shoulders. "Um I'm going to take him to the bathroom to see if it's one of those things."
"Is there anything I can do?" Sesshomaru's sincerity was laying the guilt on me pretty heavy. I hate doing this to him, I really do but damn I have a reputation to keep. I hope he never has to figure this out.
"Kagome," Double shit that was the handsome voice chick coming over. I lowered my head down to my chest, avoiding all sorts of eye contact.
Kagome froze in place. I could hear the gears rolling in her head as she conjured up a quick lie to say for me, "Don't worry guys. He'll be fine; I think it's just a hanyou thing. You know how weak they are sometimes."
Wench. I elbowed her in her gut and received a hard slap to my back disguised as a helpful pat.
"Then shouldn't Sesshomaru have a look," She was bending down half to her waist with her blood red lips not too far from my ears. "I'm sure he'll love to see how truly sick his boyfriend is."
I paused, slightly lifting my head through the veil of my hair to find a deviously pair of crimson eyes, staring directly at me. She knew I was faking. I chanced a look at Kagome, than back to the red eyed witch, realizing that she'd at least know a little info on me through her girl. "Damn," I whispered to myself. I wasn't thinkin' this shit through.
Shamefully and quietly, I bowed my head loudly grinding my fangs together lost in deep ponder. She knew I was bullshittin'. Her interpretation of it was painfully obvious to me and Kagome as she stood there waitin' for one of us to say something or give her reason to turn back and tell Sesshomaru.
"Kagura," Kagome hiked me up, wrapping her arm around my hips. "Please don't say anything. I'll talk to him. Please?"
She exchanged the evilest glare at me I felt burning through my skull and a softer, cool glower for Kagome. After some figured up logic, she sighed, folding her arms across her chest. "You owe me an explanation when we get home."
"I know," Mai Mai returned quietly. "I promise I will."
Kagura leveled an eye roll of disgust as she bent down to give Kagome a lingering kiss as if warning for me to keep my hands off but I knew she wasn't mine to claim anymore. I knew how possessive demons were when they claimed someone weaker than them.
It was kinda how Sesshomaru was with me, "Thank you," I said pitifully.
She straightened after placing another kiss on Kagome's lips. "Please," She snorted unladylike. "You're not worth the gratitude." She looked me up and down, curling her lip over a glinted fang. "A weak dog like you is hardly worth Sesshomaru's time."
What the fuck did she say to me? Not worth his time? My lips coiled back just as vicious as I full stretched my back to look her eye to eye since she was only an inch shorter than me. "Fuck you," I hissed violently. She's gonna play me like I'm a dog? I have my reasons for doing this.
I heard her chuckle as she shook her head in my face, "Pathetic as you are, I doubt you're any good at that either."
Oh
My
Damn.
I'm about to rip this bitch a whole fuckin' new one if she didn't get out of my face. As if I wasn't already feelin' guilty about this shit, did she have to make it worst? Fuck this. I don't have to deal with this shit. I dropped my hands from my stomach and stood to my perfectly healthy self and took on a similar defensive like her, wide legged, arms folded. My gold eyes daringly sizzled in her bloody orbs, praying she said something stupid enough for me to ram my claws down her throat.
"Is everything alright?" Sesshomaru was behind me, wrapping both arms around my waist before I could react. All the fight in me deflated right as he kissed my cheek and fanned his fingers over my supposedly aching stomach. I dropped my hands to my side, eyes to the floor.
"I'm fine," All my pride shattered when he affectionately comforted me in front of Kagome. "Damn," I accidentally mumbled out loud.
"Inuyasha."
"What," I snapped rudely. "I said I'm fine Sess, shit." I shrugged out of his arms. I couldn't stand knowing she was seeing me being comforted by a man. Damn this felt awkward. I wasn't going to pretend I didn't know her now. Ain't any sense in hidin' it so I pointed at my friend sayin' "Bathroom. Now." Already walking off toward the back of the room where I hoped was where the bathrooms were because this dramatic exit was about to look pretty lame if it wasn't.
I heard low murmurs behind my back. Something along the lines of I'll be back. Is he alright. Do you know each other and whatever bullshit they were discussing like these ears on my head were rotating disks.
I rounded around the corner and posted my back against the wall, hands shoved in my pocket as I listened to the rapid clicks of high heel shoes tapping in my direction. Seconds later, Kagome came to stand in front of me, eyes filled with worry instead of the previous anger she held before. There was nothing but buckets of sympathy swimming her maple eyes.
It only pissed me off to the point of averting my eyes. I wanted to tell her to shove whatever holy shit she had to preach up her ass because I wasn't trying to hear how wrong I was for trying to get away. I couldn't handle it. Sesshomaru calling me his boyfriend in front of her? My best friend of all people? Shit.
"Inuyasha."
"What?" My voice roughly answered. She jumped at the sharp tone—I didn't mean to scare. I sighed shaking my head as I raised my fingers to squeeze the bridge of my nose. A small chuckle pulled from my lips unhumorously said, "So now ya know." My hand drug down my face, ". . . you're disgusted aren't you?"
"No, no Inuyasha." She assured me in a hurry. "I'm just . . . disappointed," she chewed her bottom lip, stepping up to turn face down to meet her sad gaze. "Why didn't you tell me? Did you tell Koga or Miroku?"
"Ha," I snorted hatefully. "And tell 'em what? That I'm datin' a man? Neither of 'em are gonna wanna hear that shit."
"Then why didn't you tell me?"
"Because of the same thing," I strongly hissed. "You think I want to see your face when you find out yo' ex became g-g-shit? I just deal with that look. I can't. . ." my voiced died lower. "I-I just can't do it. I can never be gay. That shit's painful." Once the words unleashed they wouldn't stop pouring.
"I wouldn't have cared Inuyasha," She patted my shoulder softly. "Who am I to judge anyone when I'm with Kagura? I think it's wonderful that you're with Sesshomaru. He's a really sweet guy."
Don't I know it? He's fucking perfect. Everything I could want in a woman was concocted into this handsome demon. "I don't want people to look at me, askin' why I ain't with a girl or what I see in a man that a woman doesn't have. I got a rep to uphold around here. Sesshomaru may not mind bein' a bitch but I car—"
I heard a huff before the swiftest current shot across my face, snapping my head to the side. The stinging spice, began just as I raised my hand to my cheek to touch where I'd been slapped. Eyes wide, I blinked back into focus, gazing at Kagome's teary eyes.
"Fuck you," She whispered hoarse. "A bitch? For real Inuyasha? You're gonna call him a bitch because he's in love with you?"
Sesshomaru . . . he loved me? Since when . . . he-he never told me. "Mai Mai—"
"Don't call me that!" She hollered, as she stepped back from me. "I can't believe you'd said that about him. Do you have any idea how much he's told people about you? About how much he cares? And all you can say is that you have a got'damn reputation to keep? What the fuck about Sesshomaru huh? He has much more to lose than you and he's still going to risk it.
I reached out to her to calm her down but she smacked my hands away. I was stunned, "Mai—Kagome."
"Forget you," She whimpered swiping angrily at her tears. "You ain't worth shit Inuyasha." She was gone before I could stop her. The look of disgust was what I didn't want to see. But it'd been because of my cowardice, not because of me and Sesshomaru. God I felt so stupid. I-I couldn't believe I said he was a bitch. . . I fuckin' called Sesshomaru a bitch for fuck's sake!
What's wrong with me . . . "Damn," I raked my hand through my hair, ignoring the powerful burn throbbing on my cheek. There was no way I'd count this as one of those moments I didn't deserve this hit. I was man enough to say I deserved it.
I just wasn't man enough to admit what I felt for Sesshomaru.
And it was just my luck as I turned to leave I walked smack into him, just as he was coming to check on my health.
"I'm fine," I said softly. I couldn't look in his face. I didn't know if they'd said anything to him or not. I was just scared to say or do anything. I wanted Sesshomaru but I just didn't want the publicity of our relationship made in the headlines.
I can't believe this shit. All of this because I wanted to get fucked by a man and what was supposed to be a fuck buddy understanding has now escalated to a relationship status I didn't want to owe up too. This time I really did have this sick, sinking feelin' in my gut and it wasn't going away. Shoulders were vibrating, chest was hurtin', and my eyes were dilating. All of this was stressin' me to the point of breakin'.
"Fuck this," I choked so low I didn't care if he heard me. My face painted flat on his chest as my hands slid up his chest, fisting a good portion of his shirt in my grip. "Take me home," I begged. "Please." I just wanted to get away from here. Away from the truth and the eyes I felt were staring me being held by a man. I just wanted to disappear.
I dry heaved as he embraced me close and kissed my forehead to sooth away my unknown anguish. Not once did he ask what was wrong or what happened. Babe, just walked me to the front door and waved good bye to his friends, not even giving an excuse as to why we were leavin' early. I hadn't noticed that Kagome and left early with Kagura until I lifted my head. She'd left upset and it'd been my fault. I didn't know if our friendship was going to last past that point but my mind was too riddled in misery to care.
We just walked to the car with my head tucked under his arm in silence. I wanted so bad to say something, anything to let him know what was wrong but couldn't form the words. I sat in my seat; he sat in his, and turned on the engine, to drive us home. He buckled our seatbelts at the next light, and took a hold of my hand. A cupped way of just squeezing in his and I closed it just as tightly. I didn't have to say anything for him to know I was upset. But he was willing to give me time to come to terms with whatever on my own.
I was glad.
Sesshomaru was allowing me to stand on my own feet without babying me as to what was wrong but by him holding my hand . . . he was letting me know he'd still be here.
My eyes stung then.
He was good to me. Too damn good and I fucking called him a bitch. Why the fuck had I gone that far? One mother fuckin' word was what had me close to fuckin' tears. All because I knew I was in the wrong for sayin' some stupid shit like that about him. I swallowed hard to keep the cryin' at bay. It was man enough I was sitting here like a moody bitch; I didn't need to add whimpering to the PMS symptoms.
I felt him lift my hand to his lips, kissing each curled finger. For every kiss, he rubbed the digit to his stripped cheek—and God that's when the tears fell.
Crying.
Shit.
I jerked my free hand across my face to clean 'em off. I'm my own monster, blaming all of my woes on myself and he was willing to take as much as I gave. He'd given me so much and I only offered half lidded shit.
The entire drive home, we kept our fingers interlaced and it was just as he turned on our road, he finally spoke. "Would you prefer my house or yours?"
"Mine," I softly answered.
"What about company?"
I nodded, heaving a heavy sigh. "Yeah," I didn't want to be a lone tonight. I didn't want to remember anything. I just needed to feel closer to him, feel him love me as Kagome said. But I didn't want sex. I just wanted to be held. As crazy and feminine as that sounded, I just wanted him to hold me and say it was gonna be ok. And we'd wake up so that we could make love, then fuck, then he could break me in half like he promised me before.
We came up to my driveway five minutes later. I hoped out right as Sesshomaru came around to offer his hand for me to take. I wasn't going to argue but I told him I hated when he did that princess shit with me. My look was relaying that exact message and all he did was kiss my hand with a wink.
"Stupid ass," I playfully grumbled.
My hip jutted his as he walked to my front door, ready for a quiet night . . . only Sesshomaru wasn't patient enough for me to open the door.
His lips and hands were already on my body, ready for some daring action. "Shit Sess wait," This I said people, why I was tilting my head to side for his lips to get there too. All I wanted was to snuggle but apparently he had other plans.
Fingers spread over my hips, puzzling my ass against his swollen dick. Oh damn why was he startin' stuff? Damn was my key? I was struggling to find where it was on the ring why he performed a sensual grind against my back side. A lazy dry hump that was driving me crazy; hands trembling, face getting flushed and warm, I was chuckling like a nerd. "Stop," I whispered harshly. I wearily looked around to be sure no one was out here this late. Especially a particularly nosy human who knew my mom's name by heart. Ahem Mr. Mixon.
Sesshomaru didn't care about anyone catching him doing a very nasty and sexy ground with his pelvis that I was sure was against a law in some countries. "You know you like," A kiss slapped against my neck so hard the keys fell from my hands. Opened mouth suctions wildly bit down on my throat as Sesshomaru pressed me face first against my front door, with his fingers nimbly reach around to undo my belt buckle.
I immediately start to panic. "What the fuck?" I said terrified. "Have you lost your mind fool? Somebody's gonna catch us!"
"Hmm mmm,"
"Hmm mmm my ass," I reached down to fight him with keepin' my pants up but ole dude was strong when he wanted a taste of my ass cheeks. I don't know how long with fought for it but all the while he was somehow still doing that hip stroke thing with his dick and my strength was get zapped for every thrust. "Sess would you stop, shit."
"Let's give the neighbors a little show."
"Fuck that," I laughed after figuring he was joking. "You need to stop for real."
"Hmm mmm," One of his hands snaked down to cup my erection sly like. "So you don't like it?"
I think my ears melted away. Talkin's stupid when he knows I like it. He's not playin' fair, using that bedroom voice on me. He knows that's a weakness. "Babe, please?" I sighed. "Not tonight."
Another kiss to my neck littered down to my shoulder until he gave up the struggle on my belt. His chin settled between my ears, and a warm breeze teased the stray spikes near his lips. "Alright." He whispered, hugging my back to his chest. "May I kiss you?"
Oh hell yeah. Now that's something I'll never say no too. I twisted around his arms, reaching to cup his cheeks, "You know I can't say no to your kisses babe."
"I know," he said against my mouth. And there started our kiss-a-thon. Sweet, smooth and full of sticky hotness; just like I liked it. On impulse, my hands went straight for the gold—my babe's sweet tender ass and made sure he could feel my need pulsing just as hot as his.
Ya know what? On second thought maybe we should have a lil' sex to ease up the tension. Hell cuddling can only do so much for man's stress. Oh-oh damn he's being freaky tonight. My ass was being squeezed with some extra roughness.
Yes I do like it rough. I love it as a matter of fact—
"Shit," I suddenly growled when two bright headlights came in my . . . drive . . . thru?
Ah shit, ah shit ahhh shit! It couldn't be ten o' clock already. "Fuck," I hissed, fastly reaching in my pocket to check my cell. Fucccccck, I forgot all about Miroku and Koga. Damn.
"What's wrong?" Sesshomaru looked over his shoulder at the car and two men stepping out. "Do you know them?"
"Yeah t-t-they're my friends," I answered, running a shaky hand over my mouth. I was scared in a shitty panic, damn near close to pissin' my pants. Fuck I needed to think fast. My entire body was trembling as I stood their petrified in his arms.
When they came up I quickly shoved Sesshomaru to the side fixing my clothes back in place. He gave me this hard expression, looking between me and them. "Is there something you want to tell me?" He coolly questioned, looking the two approaching youths up and down.
I knew exactly what he meant and I was quick to rectify whatever he was thinking, "Nah it's not even like that."
Koga and Miroku walked up in their night garments, a pair of pajamas, snakes and games in their arms like they were ready for a night in the sack.
"Yo man, what's up?" They greeted.
"Nada," I chuckled scratching my head. "Ya'll kinda early ain't it?"
"Umm no," Miroku checked his watch. "It's after ten. You said you'd be here." That's when he turned to Sesshomaru's diamond hard glare. "Who's this fellow?"
Koga looked to the side as if just noticing him, "Oh my bad dude," He switched his stuff to the other arm and held out his hand. "Koga Wolfe."
Sesshomaru gave me another look before taking the offered hand, "Sesshomaru Espada."
"How you doin' sir," Miroku bowed. He glanced between me and him, tilting his head to the side in thought. "So um you know each other?"
Sesshomaru's lips cocked up then, smug and oozing his snobbish arrogance, "Yes actually we're well acquainted."
"Ah that's cool, ya wanna hang?" Koga shifted the food forward to show. "We got enough 'ta share."
"Nah, nah, he ain't stayin'" I said too loudly. Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes but I pretended not to see, "He's just my neighbor. He was just comin' by to borrow somethin'." I felt that glare burning me alive. I felt this deadly chill up my spine because I knew if I locked eyes with him I'd be dead on the spot.
Koga lifted his eyebrow. "Borrowing somethin' this late?" The question being directed at us both. "What, sugar?"
Thank you for that opening, "Yeah he was planning' to make some Kool Aid."
"Oh I know that feeling; more power to ya," Miroku balled up his fist to pound Sesshomaru's with understanding.
Sesshomaru just looked at the midair fist like it was retarded before looking at me. Miroku awkwardly lowered his fist, laughing to ease the rising tension.
Silence passed by incredibly slow. Sesshomaru folded his arms casting an 'I'm waiting' expression my way and I continued to act like he wasn't there. When I said nothing, he took charge and shrugged a shoulder, "Apparently he's become tongue tied," Clearing his throat, Sesshomaru started. "I'm his boyfr—"
Shit. "So um we gonna play or what?" I intentionally interrupted before the last syllable could be said.
Koga and Miroku beamed in turn, nodding excitedly. "Cool ya'll go on in. I'll be there in a sec." I grabbed my door key and unlocked it for them to go inside.
"A'ight. It's nice talkin' to ya bro," Koga gave a two fingered salute with Miroku hot on his trail.
I stood there a few seconds, shifting my weight to the other foot, until gaining the courage to see Sesshomaru's face glowing with rage. Shoulders stiff, back ridged and legs gapped wide, he looked anything but pleased to have been dissed like that. And I couldn't blame him.
Scratching behind my head, I tried to think of something to say but came up short. My hands went to my hips and my bottom lip pulled between my teeth to give my mouth a suitable purpose since it wasn't worth shit now.
"Nothing to say," Sess finally summoned out loud.
That must've triggered life in my lips, "Ain't nothin' goin' on between me and them," Was all I could conjure up.
"Why didn't you tell them we were in a relationship?"
I fell silent. Shaking my wavy hair, I pushed back the strays getting in my eyes and shrugged, wordlessly giving my reply. I trained my eyes to the ground, where his shoes were only a couple of feet from mine.
"I see . . ." I flinched at the lithe disappointment mixed in those two words. "I misjudged you Inuyasha . . ." Still I said nothing, letting his hurt wash over me like the icy sting it was.
Clenching and unclenching his fingers, Sesshomaru blew out a heated exhale, taking a step back. "Since I'm labeled as just your neighbor, you can expect that of me from heist forth. Good evening to you."
I felt my heart drop, "Sesshomaru wait," I grabbed his arm before he walk away from me. "Listen," I pulled him to me and rested my chin on his chest, gazing up with my pleading eyes. "Just please understand. They," I gulped. "They don't know I'm datin' a man. I don't know how they'll take knowing someone like that."
Sesshomaru cruelly jerking his body from mine, with his eye contoured into something of twisted malice. "I don't have time for childish games Inuyasha. I want to be in a relationship with you," He paused and frowned, "You didn't seem to mind before."
"It was different then," I tried to express helplessly.
"What's changed?"
"I. . ." I couldn't answer that. He wouldn't understand where I was coming from with this situation.
"Oh I see," he chuckled bitterly. "Everything's well when we're private but bets aside when someone finds out. Is that it?"
Again how could I say anything to that? The true sounded too painful when it was through back at you.
"You're ashamed of me."
My eyes snapped back to his face—and God help me I felt so low. That expression, that destroyed blank face . . . his eyes were wildly dulled to nothing. I couldn't have caused that look of agony. Not over me. "Babe—"
"Your silence was braver than you Inuyasha," He gave me his back. "At least from it, I know where I stand."
He walked away from then. . .
I didn't stop him this. . .
My eyes were focused on him as he left me and for every step he took I felt my chest constricting harder and tighter. He was leaving me . . . and I didn't have the courage to stop him. Why can't my feet move? Move, fucking move!
Why wasn't I stoppin' him from leavin' me? My throat was dry, I couldn't speak.
Sesshomaru please, come back. Please, please . . . please come back. . . He didn't stop. He couldn't hear my cries. . .
What have I done?
TBC: = ( Stupid ass. . . Inuyasha's got his work cut out for him and I'll make sure he works his ass off to fix this. ~sighs~ I think it's about time we got back to humorous side of this story ^_^