Author's Rant: Here's Chapter 16 guys. Just a little bit more drama to seal the deal. Please excuse any mistakes as I haven't proof read it yet because I have to go to the store. ^_^

Realization Hits Home

Two weeks.

It's been two long weeks since I said a word to Sesshomaru. School went on and so did life; but not mine. Things just haven't had that same zest of jazz like it used too. I didn't have the urge to hang out with friends or go out and find a girl to screw. Depression, boredom, and straight up irritation, kept me rooted to my couch every single day. If it hadn't been for me having to shop for groceries, or attending classes, I'd never leave the comforts of my home. I just couldn't muster the energy.

That's the side effects of being without Sesshomaru's presence. Ole dude had me whipped like a trained dog, ready to lick his master's hand.

My entire self was a jacked up wreck. My hair was a braid of knots running over my shoulder in three break-off lengths. I can't remember the last time I cleaned up my house, but I know it's been a while judging by that mold growing on my box of pizza slices. Dude was an ugly lil' something too. I even gave it a name. Ed the Mold. He scared me this morning when I walked past to get a bowl of cereal.

I didn't feel up to wearing any of my extravagant clothes, so I eased into a pair of some red and yellow logo sweats I bought from the school store and a matching tank clinging to my chest. The sweats were sort of big so I had to keep retying the drawstring to keep it from hanging off my hips.

As soon as I got my morning meal I found my indented cushion on my red couch and went to munching ever so slowly. Captain Crunch used to be my favorite choice of quickie eats but it wasn't holding its usual yummies today. Each spoonful was a robotic action as I scooped and ate, scooped and ate, acting on pure instinct since my mind was still full with my babe's face.

As much as I admit to being engulfed by Sesshomaru's charms, it was only something I could say inside. I was still scared to say a word, despite everything that's happen from that day.

I hurt him, I know this. The look of pure disgust tortured me for hours when he shook his head and walked away. My mood had been shattered so I couldn't even lighten the night with my usual crazy ass antics because—because I couldn't get rid of that expression. Sesshomaru's normally stainless, blank face showed the only emotion I've always longed to see him morph but it was of the wrong kind.

I hope to never witness that shit again. It was horrible to see his hazel eyes so . . . listless and bare of the smothering arrogance he possessed. It'd been a fleeting second, but I know what I saw . . . and as much I couldn't stand it, it hurt to see because I caused it. My cowardice had actually put a dent in Sesshomaru's armor and had I ever known I'd . . . I'd . . . shit I would've done something; anything at all to make things right.

But was I too worried about how he'd react to me; to fucking scared. He wouldn't want to see me again after I dogged him out. Shit I wouldn't want to see me either after what happened. A total misconduct on my half, which I'm man enough to confess, was really fucked up. I practically disowned Sesshomaru right in front of my friends like he was just a common day somebody instead of my . . . my . . . shit I can't even say it or rather think it.

This was just fucking pitiful.

It wasn't that I was ashamed of Sesshomaru. He's got it wrong. I'm just afraid of losing the reputation I earned during the seven months I'd been here and I just couldn't fathom the thought of folks looking at me with disgust because I chose a man over a woman. It just didn't fit the mold of what I had made for myself. I worked hard to get these people the way I wanted and—wait don't give me that damn look because at my age that stuff means something around here.

. . . Though I can't say I'm too thrilled at having chosen my stupid reputation over someone like Sesshomaru. He was all and everything I've always wanted in a person. Intelligent, sexy as hell, long silky hair, gorgeously fitted body, an ass to jump over a cliff and go to hell for—lord knows I would—and a voice made of pure melted chocolate.

I frowned.

Come to think of, why the hell did I trade my street cred over him?

Settling my legs underneath me, I ran my dull claws through my saggy banes, thinking about what I need to do. I sit the empty bowl on the table and shook my head, wishing I knew how to say something to default all this drama. This stuff never happened to me. Normally if a girl wanted to break things off, I'd send her ass packing and not think twice about. There'd been two incidents where I regretted losing someone close.

Kagome had been the first and even she's a lost cause to me now since I fucked up one of the best friendships a guy could ask for. And now it was Sesshomaru . . . only with him, it seemed to hurt a lot more. We'd done so much together and been through a lot in the small month we dated. Funny how you realize how important someone is to you when they leave you; that don't know what you had until its gone, quote couldn't have been truer then.

I missed him. God how I missed seeing his face up close, us just simply talking about whatever on the phone late at night, his crazy perversity and mines; yeah those were some sexy moments. And even those small quiet days we sat on the couch and watched TV just to past the time. Those times would usually end up with us kissing but it'd never go past that. He told me once he treasured the little times we spent with each other.

I never realized until now that I did too.

My darling, I can't get enough of your love babe
Girl, I don't know, I don't know why
Can't get enough of your love babe
Oh, some things I can't get used to
No matter how I try
Just like the more you give, the more I want
And baby, that's no lie
Oh no, babe

Mama? My ears perked in a frenzy of twists and turns to pinpoint the location of my cell, finding it perched on the corner of the table near my bowl. I was so glad to hear that ringtone. Maybe she could help me figure out what I need to do.

I slide my thumb over the answer slide and answered so softly, "Hi Mom, long time no hear." I sighed contently listening to her gentle voice echo over the receiver. "I'm fine mom; just a little tired is all." She was so much easier to talk too when the threat of how I was gonna get whooped wasn't on her list of chores to do. That was fine with me because I really needed to ask her advice on this. "Hey Mom, can I ask you something? Yes. . ." I looked at the phone. "Mom how did you know I was havin' relationship troubles?" She knows too damn much. I bet 'cha Mr. Mixon's stupid old crusty ass went off at the mouth, telling her every little detail.

I switched her voice from quiet to speaker phone and placed her on my chest as I lay down on the couch.

"I'm you mother honey. You know I have the four one, one on what's going on up there." Like I said, Mr. Mixon's retarded ass. I swear I'm pissing on his grass tonight. "You want to give me the details or should I ring them out of you myself?"

"Nah, no ma'am I can. But how much do you know?"

"Enough," Was all she said which left me to wonder if I should spill the thought or sugarcoat it the best I could. "So start off with what's going on to have my handsome son moping around that messy house."

She. Is. Good.

My mama has some kind of camera in here. I know she does. As I glanced around my house and shrugged it off, I decided it'd be best to just give her the sugarcoat version. Ain't any sense in shocking her heart into cardiac arrest. "Well mom, let's just say there's someone who's immune to my charms and I totally screwed it up."

She gasped. "Oh gosh; someone can stand to say no to my son? What is this world coming too?" Right . . . uh I didn't like that sarcastic humor in her voice, but I'm man enough to keep my mouth shut.

"Mom," I gently drawled. "Come on now. This is serious. I'm really feelin' this person and I don't know how to fix it."

I heard some shifting, assuming she was getting more comfortable before her voice buzzed back through. "Alright son, you can start with why you're just now informing me about this mystery person and how you messed it up."

". . ." I cocked an eyebrow at the phone. "Who said I messed it up? Who's to say Sess—Sesha didn't do it?"

"Because I know you, now talk." A pregnant pause followed. "Sesha? Is that the person's name."

Lord forgive me for lying to my mama, "Yes ma'am. " I sat on the couch, crossing my legs.

"I see. Alright go on."

"Ok, so we been seein' each other for 'bout a month now since she moved to the neighborhood and we weren't all that cool but when we got to know each other things changed." I played with my toes, feeling my cheeks heat a little. "She's somethin' else mom. I think even you'll like her."

"If that's the case sweetheart than why batter something worth a chance?" She wondered, slightly confused.

"Because," I began small and quiet as a child. "I was embarrassed."

"Embarrassed? Embarrassed about what?"

I swallowed hard, eyes shifty. "Let's just say she's not like most girls." I scratched the back of my head. "She's not like the other girls at all."

"Oh honey," Mama sighed as she made a thinking sound. "Is she a big girl? Is that why you were ashamed? Now you know I'm not the kind of mother who cares what the girl looks like. Just as long as she's good to you, who am I to judge your preferences. Just as long as I don't get any ugly grandchildren, I'm fine with it."

I burst out laughing at that. The thought of a plus sized Sesshomaru, popping out babies was definitely something to imagine. "No, no mom she's not a big girl. Actually she's got a smokin' body." I licked my lips. "Let's just leave it that she's different."

"You're not giving me a lot to work with Inuyasha," She sighed. "But go on."

I was relieved. "Well, we went out about two weeks ago and had a good time." I decided to leave Kagome's involvement out because I doubt Mama wanted to hear those dramatics. "But when we came home a couple of friends came by. I forgot I invited them over and she nearly caught us . . . umm," I blushed, twittering my toes.

"Go on boy," Mama had an attitude just then. "Lord knows you've been sticking that nasty pecker of yours in everything that moves. So I know what that umm means."

"Mom!"

"Shut up. Mr. Mixon tells me about those little fast ass girls that go in your house. Make no mistake that I will be whooping that butt for every little tramp I have written in my diary."

"Mom," I groaned, massaging my nose. "Can we please stick to the issue? For real? We can get to my whooping later."

"Hmm mmm, continue."

Shit for fucking sakes. "Anyway, Koga and Miroku rolled up and caught me and Sesha about to kiss. . ." This was probably going to be the hardest part. "But I pushed her away before they could realize we were together . . . and when they asked who she was. . . I kind of told them she was just a friend."

"Inuyasha, please tell me you didn't do this in front of that young person?"

". . . Yes ma'am," I admitted quietly. "She hasn't spoken to me since then."

Mama sighed again as her hair rubbed against her end of the phone, "Inuyasha you know I raised you better than that. You know better than to treat people like that. How could you?"

"I wasn't thinkin' at the time, mom. All I was worried about was my reputation. I-I can't be seen around town with someone like her."

"Then why did you start a relationship with this person knowing the repercussions to follow?" My mother sternly questioned. "You knew what you were getting yourself into and not only have you hurt your friend but you've hurt yourself as well."

My ears sagged pathetically against my skull. I felt like that five year old pup I used to be when she got disappointed when I did something bad. The same effects of her scolding worked its magic just as it had years ago.

"Your reputation will be tarnished no matter what you do Inuyasha. You could buy a new car no one wants and still end up with no fans. Had you once thought about what your friend was going through when that happened? Their feelings were likely hurt much worst."

". . . I know."

"I . . . oh son, I'm very disappointed to hear you've done this," She sighed once more, letting out a strong wind. "I can't tell any more than that you need to talk to your friend. Tell them that you weren't sure at the time that you were ready for this kind of relationship but now you are . . . aren't you?"

I blinked, and shook my head, "No ma'am. I'm still not sure I'm ready for that yet."

"Nonetheless, I still want you to go and talk to your friend. At least explain your side of the story so there are no hard feelings if they want to move on. And I better have a word that you did by the end of today. You understand?"

I chuckled. "Yes ma'am."

"Good, now let me go head and go sweetheart. Your daddy just walked in here grumbling like a grizzle."

"Tell Pop I said what's up."

"Of course. You take care sweet one. I love you."

"Love you too mom. Bye." I clicked off the cell, releasing a somewhat heavy breathe as I contemplated on how I was going to bring up the conversation to Sesshomaru. We haven't spoken in two weeks. I couldn't call because that would be the pussy way out of the situation. Even if I was scared shitless, I needed to man up and talk to him about this face to face.

I turned around over my couch to straddle my arms over the back cushion, gazing out my living room window. Today was Sunday, with a shadowy overcast grayish and sluggish; kinda like my current mood. It didn't look like it'd rain but the sun would peek out from time to time. It was a bit hotter than normal for this season but not too badly.

A very pleasant day.

One that just got some much better when I saw suddenly saw someone coming out of the house from across the street. My heart leapt tight in my throat when for the first time in weeks, I see Sesshomaru coming out in nothing but a pair of jersey shorts and . . . a pair of tennis shoes? Where the blue fuck was the rest of his clothes? No one told him to be showing off my goods for this fools to see.

Look at his sexy ass. Skin all sparkling and glistening with the sun for some extra got'damn reason shining a spotlight on his body; I looked up at the sky the best I could, scowling hard. For real God? You gonna play me like that?

Sesshomaru must've worked out. I can see the beads of sweat making his flesh look extra shiny, like polished alabaster with chiseled muscles. His hair was pulled in a similar braid to mines but a little higher. My eyes followed his every step from the front door to around his house until he came back with a lawnmower and a baseball cap.

Looked like babe was going to be giving a show, while cutting his grass. Ok yeah I'm pissed. Yeah I really am. I didn't want anyone to see what it was he was advertising under his clothes. The mystery was something I wanted to be the only one to solve and here he was bent over with his behind in full view—damn I love his ass. He had one of those old time mowers. I doubt folks still use those anymore.

The sun was starting to come out in full, with clouds shattering around to do their daily business. That seemed to be the signal for other folks to start hanging outside because in a matter of minutes, most of the neighborhood was out doing something. Kids were riding their bicycles; the elderly were crossing the street to talk to their friends on the porch or through a window. A few had taken to cleaning of their lawns and gardening.

Seemed like Sunday just beckoned for those kind chores didn't it?

Maybe I should get out the house too—"What the fuck?" I growled, jumping over my couch when I noticed a jogger coming down the sidewalk and wouldn't you know it the person happened to stop right as Sesshomaru bent over again to restart his lawn mower. Boyyyyy I ought to snap this fool's neck in half.

Who the hell was this dog? He only had on a pair of black jersey shorts and some sweatbands on his elbows and knees. I bet he thought he was some hot shit with his long braided hair slapping his back and that muscular skin. He'd ain't nowhere near as sexy as me.

I frowned hard.

So why the hell was Sesshomaru standing up to talk to him? What the hell did they have to talk about? Did he know him? Where this fool come from? And why is Sesshomaru smiling like that? And—Fuck I ain't gonna get any answers just sitting around bullshittin'. I need to get out there to see what so damn funny. Ole dude said something to make Sesshomaru smile and I'm the only one who can make my babe smile.

Fuck that shit.

I was quick to straighten myself up a lil by unbraiding my plaits and letting the waves flow in a single bound. The sweats were staying but I undid the tie to let it hang of my narrow hips. The tank was switched with a white one with red and my face and fangs were brushed and cleansed to perfection. I'm not about to walk out mad and lookin' a mess at the same time.

A quick glance in the mirror reminded me why God made me so sexy and I was out the door, lotioned up and looking beyond fine. I looked around the residence as if I'm just coming out for a few minutes before I strolled down my drive way up to my mailbox acting like I'm checking the mail box but keeping a close eye on the new dude's body language.

I didn't like how close he was getting to my babe. He kept getting a little closer, talking low. That meant some intimate shit. Oh oh oh the fool just put his hand on Sesshomaru's arm. Dude did not just do that. Boyyyy I swear I'm about to regulate this shit real fast.

"Inuyasha!"

Damn Mr. Mixon. "Yeah old man? What's up?"

"You know the mailman don't run on Sundays!"

For fuck sakes. Duh? "Yeah I'm just checking it for yesterday's mail!" I hollered back.

Mr. Mixon scratched his thinning hair under his sun cap, "Didn't ya check it yesterday boy?

Oh my God. "Weren't you cutting your grass or somethin'? Shit." Nosey behind.

"Yeah but why you checkin yer mailbox?"

Fuccccck. "Because I'm lookin' for something!" Got'damn. Just leave me the hell alone. The two didn't even know I was there until he opened his fucking mouth. A man can't even be fucking nosey on his own property.

I happened to side glance the pair only to see they weren't paying me any mind. That pissed me off. So I started rattling my mailbox like it was holding something inside and jammed my arm in—I about caught a cramp, but still I navigated around the metal box, while keeping an eye on braid boy.

Sesshomaru was shifting from one foot to the other, talking about something or another but I couldn't tell because of his hat. Whatever it was the other dude my age, nodded and laughed out loud. Oh man my blood was boiling.

. . . Sesshomaru touched the guy's hair.

Now I'm mad. Fuck this mailbox. I slammed the lid shut and stalked over, fighting mad. He ain't gonna ignore me like I'm not here. I know he sees me over here and he's still flirting with this guy. I don't care who sees me pulling this stomping attitude. I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

Sesshomaru looked at me a quick second before turning his attention back to the dark haired man. And before I could reach them, he kissed . . . that's right he kissed the dude on the cheek. My fists were balled and flexing with all my strength not to fuck this motherfucker up for touching what's mine.

The nasty freak was blushing when I came behind him and I caught a bit of his last sentence, "So I'll see you later tonight?"

"Of course," Sesshomaru agreed, not sparing me a glance. "I'll see you soon Bankotsu."

"Sure babe," The one I just learned to be Bankotsu turned around and ran smack dab into my chest. Up close he was a little shorter than I was, but just as well built. His eyes were a dark navy and he had this expression of dreary ease that was seriously pissing me off. "My bad man. Sup?"

"Who the fuck are you," I crossed examined, folding my arms.

Bankotsu blinked, cocking a weird smirk, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me the first time asshole. Don't play stupid." I hissed.

Bankotsu got real bold. One minute he was about a couple of feet away, the next thing I knew he was right up in my face, "I don't like your attitude bro. Seems like we got a problem."

"Oh, oh, bro you best back your ass up before I drop kick half your face in this concrete." This human didn't know who he was messing with.

"Like I'm supposed to be scared of some pussy who can't claim his boyfriend."

My eye twitched, my hands flexed. Half my face crunched in an anger glare, but I said nothing to the arrogant fool as his smile grew wider. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Fuck you," I growled.

"Uh huh sure. Not in this lifetime kid." He looked me up and down. "From what I can see Sesshomaru could do a lot better than you anyway. You probably did 'em a favor."

If I wasn't sure I was going to hell, I was about to get a first class ticket cause I'm about to murder this son of a bitch. He talks way too much shit for a damn mortal.

Bankotsu chuckled at my silence and turned on his heel to wink at Sesshomaru. "I'll see ya tonight." And he returned a wink my way and a puckered kiss that set me off. I was about to wail on his pretty boy's face. My claws erected, digging hard in my palm as I drew my arm back about to deliver some sweet shit—until Sesshomaru stopped me.

His fingers were coiled around my wrist in mid punch and Bankotsu had the nerve to chuckle before he continued his jogging down the side walk. I looked the stupid asshole, than turned my fiery rage to the fool still holding my hand. "Lemmo go," I fiercely snarled.

Sesshomaru yanked me forward, slamming his mouth against my ear. "Get off my fucking yard before I call the police." Every sinister word, pierced my chest like razor nails. I couldn't believe he'd just said that to me.

Like a bucket of chilled water, all of my previous fire was doused from that one sentence he said to me. All my rage deflated rapidly, when our eyes connected for the first time in days and all I saw was heated animosity. I didn't want that look there whenever he saw me. It just didn't fit.

He pushed me away and started walking back to his mower. "I," I opened and closed my mouth. "Sesshomaru I came over to talk to you."

He didn't say anything. I shouldn't expect him too. So I tried again, "Look, I need for ya to hear me out ok?" I walked around to him just as he bent down to check his mower. "I fucked up. But can we try again? A little slower maybe?"

Sesshomaru pulled the string on his machine and got nothing. He wasn't talking to me. I was being ignored like I wasn't here. "Sess, please. Talk to me babe. I don't like you actin' like this." I licked my lips and sighed. I knew all he wanted was an explanation. He didn't have time for my excuses. "Sesshomaru, I choked. I forgot Koga and Miroku were comin' by for the night. If I had I would've never. . ." He looked up at me then and I suddenly realized what I was about to say.

Damn I messed up again. "That didn't come out right."

"You've said enough," Sesshomaru stood, giving up on starting the mower and turned to leave.

No, I wasn't letting him walk away this time. Not this time.

"Sesshomaru," I called just as I cut him off. He wouldn't look at my face and tried to walk around but I blocked his way. "Babe," His eyes cut daggers into me and I quickly corrected myself. "Look, I'm trying to talk to you ok? I fucked up alright? I know I messed up. Why can't we just try again? Can we start over? I don't want to be like this. I. . ." I sighed heavily; my arms slacked at my sides. "I need you."

Sesshomaru's face remained void of any emotions or noticeable knowledge that what I said mattered.

And that terrified me. Please tell me I hadn't lost him. Not like this. "Sesshomaru—"

"Kiss me." He suddenly said.

"What?"

He frowned. "If you can kiss me now, I'll forget everything that happened and we can continue from there."

My ears drooped as my eyes switched from each out, most occupying a handful of people and a suitable location where everyone could see. I looked up at him, chewing my bottom lip and clenching my fists tight. "Sess, don't ask me to do this now." I whispered. "That's not fair." I looked up at him and . . . I can't believe I saw that look in his eyes again.

That same tore expression from before. His lips thinned and both hazel eyes narrowed. "What's not fair Inuyasha, is how you've lead me to believe you and I could become more than sex and pleasure. I've done my share to show what you've meant to me. I've yet to see that you feel the same." He stepped up to me close.

So close, I flinched and frozen when he bent down and had his face only a breath's inch away from my lips. I prayed he wouldn't kiss me. Not in front of all these people, but he did something that hurt just as much; so much more painful than I could have ever felt in my life.

Sesshomaru kissed my cheek and whispered three wispy words against my face. "I love you." My heart stopped. he couldn't have made it sound so. . . so final.

"Sess wait." I twisted around to watching his retreat, eyes wide and slowly losing sight of him. Sesshomaru didn't answer me or attempt to sound he heard my call. He left me outside.

Just as he had last time before; only this time he left me with a weight of sorrow and relief on my chest.

He loved me. Sesshomaru just admitted to loving me. He loved me and so just wanted to leave it like that?

Fuck no. I'm not letting it end like this.

I-I couldn't let it end like this. Fuck why didn't I just kiss him? Why am I such a fucking coward? "Ugh!" Dammit, no. I'm not going to let it end like this. I'm not. Sesshomaru is—I just can't leave it at this. No, not until he knows that I care just as much as he does.

I swear to it now. I'll show him just how much I care . . . even if it means . . . putting my manhood on the line.

TBC: There was only a tiny bit of humor here lol. I needed a tiny bit more drama before we got back to the humor. But we seriously get back to it next chapters ^_^