Thank you so much to Asdfghjkl, MadTomatoAlice and Cylobaby for the anonymous reviews, and thanks to everyone else who has read and reviewed too! I really appreciate it, you guys! ^^

I hope you'll enjoy this chapter~

oOo

"Jeez, Lovino, you look like shit..." Alfred studied him anxiously through the glass of his fine-rimmed glasses, but Lovino pointedly avoided his gaze.

"I'm fine," he said. Of course he knew his tone was biting. Of course he knew that it had taken on the cold, monotone touch it always did when he was upset. He could vaguely remember how their grandfather had pointed out that an Italian's voice should be filled with warmth, passion, and life - it wasn't meant to sound like the voice of an old man who'd closed his eyes to the sun.

... Or whatever poetic shit it was he'd spouted at the time, Lovino couldn't quite remember his exact words.

At the time, those words had hurt him greatly. To him, it was like being told yet again that he wasn't worthy of his own existence. He was Italian, but not truly Italian, like Feliciano apparently was. According to their grandfather at least – but then again, the guy had always been slightly on the loony side, in Lovino's opinion.

Yet, how could anyone talk with warmth, passion, or life, when they felt tired, scared and angry all at the same time. Sure, he could always lie. Lie to himself, and to the world. He could always pretend. But somehow, his voice remained the same, no matter how hard he tried. Then, at one point, he began talking in such a cold tone all the time, as it was easier to let it be angry and harsh than to make it bright and cheerful. His grandfather had tried everything to make him smile, and to make him laugh. But whenever he did, he'd say things like "Can't you smile brightly, like Feli always does?" and Lovino would sputter profanities instead, running off and hiding his tears behind furious fits of anger.

Feliciano always found him, no matter where he'd hide, and he'd calm him down in the best way a young child could do – by hugging him, and smiling that sweet, toothless smile of his. Lovino loved his brother for that. No matter how much pain he had caused Lovino – unintentionally, of course – he was always the one to heal him as well.

But now... Now, Antonio had come along, and Lovino had learned that he did still have the ability to smile. He did still have the ability to speak with warmth, with passion, with life. Because of that damn Spaniard, he'd regained something he thought he had lost.

Was that the reason it hurt so much when Antonio had looked at him that morning, eyes shining with hurt? Was that the reason he felt horrible when his boyfriend walked out the door, shoulders looking as if they were carrying the weight of ten full sacks of potatoes?

"You're not fine. Anyone can see that." A bit startled, he blinked and looked up to see that his co-worker, and friend – although the friend-part was still something Lovino hadn't quite figured out yet –, wore an expression he'd never seen on the cheerful American before. "Lovino, I'm worried 'bout you."

There it was again. Worry. How he hated that word, it made his defences crumble dangerously, and his temper flared up as an automatic reflex, in order to regain control before the wall was broken entirely. Why did people insist that they worry about him, when he clearly didn't deserve it? It was his problem, his burden, and the thought of anyone else suffering for it scared him senseless.

"Don't..." he whispered, lips pursing tightly as he went back to his work. For once in his life, however, he found that even amounts of paper work that would sicken any other man, didn't have the soothing, numbing effect it usually had. "Please, don't."

Alfred eyed him incredulously, various emotions dancing across his face for a moment, before settling in the previous saddened frown again. "I hate seeing people in pain. It makes me feel helpless." His words were soft-spoken and there was no trace of his trademark good mood. Lovino clutched the paper he was holding, biting his lip.

"I'm not in pain." An obvious lie. Why was it that sometimes, he felt like he could open his heart for a moment, and tell the blonde exactly what was on his mind, while other times, he retracted back into his shell again? Like just this morning, for example, he'd called Alfred. Sure, his main excuse was to ask for a favour, something he could easily have done himself when he got to work. His main reason, however, was in no way work-related.

Lovino rarely, if ever, found consolation in talking to other people. He wasn't the type to "call a friend" to complain and beg for some sympathy. Despite this fact, however, he had found himself pushing the dial button on his phone, and had ended up telling his new friend about Sadiq. Sure, his words had been scarce at best, and he'd only mentioned the roughest aspects of the story, but the fact remained that he had opened his heart just a little bit further.

Not that Alfred was the main reason his defences were crumbling. It was the entire situation. Slowly, more people seemed to edge closer, lead by Antonio. It terrified him, and he felt very much like a vulnerable little child who was torn away from everything familiar and thrown into a dark abyss. Admittedly, there was something warm and inviting about this dark abyss, but it wasn't strong enough to make him dare to take the final step.

"You might be right. You're not in pain," Alfred said quietly, "you're in agony. And I wish you would let me in so I could help..."

"What on earth could you do to help?" Lovino couldn't help but growl out, but Alfred didn't look like he took the harsh words to heart. Instead he puffed out his chest a little.

"I don't know. But I'm a hero, and heroes always find a way to help." It was spoken in such a confident way, but although there was a proud expression on the American's face, there was still a small insecurity resting in his eyes. Something vulnerable, as if he was expecting a sharp comment about how he couldn't possibly be a hero. As if he almost had trouble believing his own words.

Even so, Lovino felt a lump rise in his throat at Alfred's selfless words and the kindness behind them, but swallowed it, eventually rising to stand, shakily beginning to collect his stuff. "I... I think Antonio was right," he murmured, heaving a shuddering sigh, "coming here wasn't a good idea."

His boyfriend had been absolutely correct when he had said that Lovino was tired and stressed out. This wasn't something he could work off his mind, and it wasn't something he could solve on his own. Yet, he wasn't able to ask for help either. He wasn't able to accept being 'saved by a hero'.

All in all, he felt as if stuck in quicksand. The more he fought on his own, the further he sunk – yet he was unable to reach the hands that were stretched out towards him.

"Whoa...!" Blinking, he realized he'd almost fallen, supported heavily by an alarmed Alfred. Somehow, he was unable to break from the contact, however, even as the dizzy spell faded. Instead, he was pulled closer by the warmth that the other radiated, and before he really knew what was going on, he was leaning into the other, struggling to contain his tears as clutched at Alfred's suit jacket. In the end, he couldn't keep them at bay, and gave a strangled gasp as they began dripping onto his friend's shirt.

Alfred said nothing, only held him gently, and let him cry. It was different from crying into Antonio's chest. Instead of the warm feeling of peace and love he got when the Spaniard held him close, this was more like... hugging Feliciano. An unspoken understanding, of sorts; the type that often passed between siblings. Never had he expected to find such a thing in a friend. Then again, he had never had all that many friends, so he wouldn't know.

All he knew was that it felt good.

Alfred had taken him back to the apartment building after that. Their boss had no protests against the fact that Lovino would take some time off, and instead encouraged him to take care of himself, and to come back when he was feeling better. Lovino had never been close to the boss, despite the man's efforts to stay familiar with his workers, but the man's easy-going and kind nature never failed to astonish him.

Back at the apartment, he sighed, biting his lip as he stood awkwardly in front of the door. Alfred had gone back to work quite some time ago, after questioning his well-being for the thousandth time. Yet, he just couldn't seem to enter the apartment, despite having a spare key. Would Antonio be home? No, there would still be at least a couple of hours until he got back, most likely.

The thought of sitting alone in the unfamiliar apartment wasn't very pleasant, as it would just make him sit around and dread the moment the Spaniard would come home. Would Antonio still be hurt by his words that morning...? Would Lovino be able to apologize without offending him again?

Sighing, the Italian shoved his hands into his pockets, and turned around to head outside again. As if he was working on auto-pilot, he caught a taxi, which swiftly took him to a spot near his and Feliciano's house. From there he wandered off towards the only place he could really get away from his thoughts.

Despite his exhaustion, his feet travelled easily across the rocks by the sea, slightly slippery by the rain that had fallen the previous night. Reaching his sacred spot, he found his usual seat on a relatively flat rock, pulling his jacket tighter around himself as he sat down, drawing his knees up to his chest.

The sound of the ocean waves was calming, as always, and he closed his eyes, sighing softly. "Damn it..." he whispered to himself, for no particular reason, kicking and hitting the rocks beside him in a somewhat childish manner, as if doing so would distract his thoughts. When it didn't help, he found himself doing what he usually ended up doing when sitting here – singing.

He was so tired, he hardly even noticed as it began drizzling slightly, and early afternoon turned to late afternoon. By the time he realized he must have been sitting there for hours, he was beyond caring. Replacing his earlier fears, a numb sort of wonder had settled in. Would Antonio come looking for him? Would he be scared when Lovino didn't come home from work? Or maybe he was angry with him and wouldn't care after all.

No, a voice in the back of his mind protested. Antonio would care. He always cared so much more than he should. He'd come looking, there was no doubt about it.

But... would he find him? This thought struck a chord, and Lovino blinked out of his numbness, realizing just where he was and that he was thoroughly soaked through and shivering by now. Cursing at his own stupidity for spacing out like that, he reached into his pocket, only to frown. Searching every pocket he had, he came out empty-handed. Just perfect, he even forgot his phone back at the apartment. Slowly, he moved to stand, and staggered forward. After only a few steps, though, he slipped, having lost coordination of his body due to the cold. Falling to his hands and knees, he gasped as something cut into his knee. Oh no...

"Don't look... Pretend it's not bleeding. Just don't look at it and you'll be fine..." he muttered to himself, swallowing back his nausea and struggling to get up again. "Fuck, it hurts..." Taking a few more steps, he stumbled again and again, finally deciding with a sinking feeling in his chest that there was no way he'd get safely across the rocks in his current condition. "Ah, shit..." Getting over to a tree that stood there, he part sat, part collapsed at its roots, looking at anything but his knee while trying not to focus on the panic steadily building up in his chest, rising like a suffocating lump into his throat.

As he sat there, his knee eventually went numb just like the rest of his body, and he kept his eyes locked on the cloudy sky. It was getting late. And here he had just planned on going out for a short while to clear his mind.

"Great going, you idiot, you even manage to get into such a mess just from a walk..." he grumbled to himself, miserably. For some reason, cursing at himself and using sarcasm made it slightly easier to deal with the situation. It was easier than to admit to himself that he was scared. Scared of freezing to death, scared of falling to his death if he attempted to walk, but most of all; scared of not being found. Suddenly, having a secret spot didn't seem like such a good idea anymore.

Leaning back against the tree trunk, he sighed, pulling his jacket closer around himself. Wasn't it strange that it could be this cold when it was still just early autumn? There were still traces of summer left, after all, couldn't the temperature have been a little more forgiving?

The sound of footsteps alerted his attention, and relief washed over him. To think someone would have found him out here, what luck! Sitting more upright, he turned his gaze to his left – and felt every last ounce of warmth leave his body as he stared at the tall man standing nonchalantly only a few feet away.

"Well, look what I found. Good evening, Lovino darling," he drawled, hood drawn up and casting his face in shadows. He looked just like a modern-day version of the Grim Reaper with his hood like that. Lovino tried to stand, but fell again as his legs couldn't seem to carry him at all. "Are you afraid, Lovi?" Sadiq's voice had a strange tone to it, but Lovino couldn't see his expression.

Pulling back against the foot of the tree, memories flashed through his mind. Was Sadiq here to kill him? To finish what he had failed to do earlier? The reason he'd done that at all was because he thought Lovino was cheating on him, based on groundless paranoia. What would he do now that he knew for certain that Lovino had a boyfriend? After all, no one would know if he was to fall into the ocean here in this place, sinking into the dark void never to surface again.

"Antonio... will be here." He stuttered out, not even sure why he said it. "I... called him earlier! He k-knows where I am!"

"Tsk. You can do better than that. You're usually an excellent liar." The man chuckled, still standing in the same position, body posture deceptively relaxed.

"He'll be here." Lovino was surprised at how confident he sounded when said these words, as if believing it strongly enough would make it come true. Apparently, Sadiq found the notion very amusing.

"You really think he cares, don't you?" The Turk laughed openly now, finally pulling his hood back and letting his eyes fall upon Lovino. He didn't look angry, but Lovino knew that could change in a split second if the right trigger was pulled. "You really think he would come looking for you. Oh, my poor little fool..."

For some reason, Lovino was the one to grow angry, and his head cleared a bit from its previous hazy state, as he straightened ever so slightly. "He'll be here!" he found himself insisting, clenching his teeth in an attempt to still their chattering.

Sadiq's eyes narrowed just in the slightest. "He won't," he replied, "he's probably sitting at his apartment right now, with someone else. 'Good riddance', he's probably thinking."

"No... You're wrong! Antonio is-"

"-Is just like everyone else!" There it was; the deep growling tone he always got when he was getting angry. Lovino winced, struck both by the tone and the words. "No one has bothered with you before. No one. Not your grandfather, not even your fucking parents! Why would he?"

"H-he's... different..."

"No, he's not different. He's just like everyone else! He's just sticking around until he finds someone better. Someone like your brother, for example. Now, dear Feli is someone worth going after..."

"You're w-wrong..." Lovino's words were getting weaker as his arguments slowly died in his throat. It made perfect sense after all. Just why would Antonio bother with him, when there were so many people in the world who were so much better? A guy like Antonio could have anyone he wanted, with his good looks, his good mood, and his good heart. The Spaniard was perfect, and way out of his league.

But Antonio was the one who'd made the effort to enter his life. He had come after him when he had an emotional breakdown when they went surfing the first time. He had lit up like a sun just from hearing Lovino say his name. He had come to his house after Sadiq had been there, and had stayed with him, even letting him stay at his apartment.

Through all the memories, made in such a short amount of time, one particular one shone through. His eyes widened slightly when he recalled the time Antonio had called and asked him out again, even after being violently rejected. 'I'm not the kind of guy anyone would want to date,' Lovino had said at the time, and Antonio's answer had been so secure and honest.

I'm not anyone.

Those words were probably the very reason Lovino had allowed himself to trust the cheerful Spaniard, despite all his fears.

"Antonio isn't like everyone else." his words held no trace of doubt anymore, so confident that it felt as if someone else was speaking, using his lips.

Obviously, Sadiq was just as surprised, eyebrows rising and something flashing in his eyes. "He's really fooled you good hasn't he?"

"I don't care what you say. Antonio cares about me. He's not like you!" The cold must have messed with his brain. His mouth clearly wouldn't listen to the same logic that had the rest of his body frozen in fright. The logic that stated that Sadiq was insane, and definitely not someone he wanted to provoke.

"Not like me, you say?" Lovino's body was too numb to react when a pair of strong hands lifted him by the front of his jacket, and Sadiq's dark eyes burned into his, wild and dangerous. "I cared about you! You had no one except your idiot baby brother, and I stayed with you, didn't I?"

"Cared?" Lovino let out a strangled chuckle, despite himself. "You hurt me. Tortured me. And then... you killed me." The last words were shockingly dark and bitter, and for a moment, he wondered if that wasn't fear in Sadiq's eyes. It was a wonderful feeling, to finally render the other man speechless, even if only for a short moment.

The next second, he gasped as he was crashed against the trunk of the tree, and Sadiq leant in, face just centimetres away from his own, twisted into such a sinister grin that Lovino was tempted to throw himself off the cliff to get away, saving the other the trouble.

"This Antonio is in the way. He's blinded you... turned you against me. Your brother too. Yeah... They are all in the way." As suddenly as he'd been forced against the tree, Sadiq let him go, stepping away. "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but it can't be helped – they have to disappear…" The words were quiet and almost feverish, as if the man was trying to convince himself he was doing the right thing. "I guess I'll start with Feliciano. See if I can't make you change your mind."

The frightened Italian could literarily feel the blood draining from his face as he stared after the retreating back of the Turk that seemed intent on ruining his life yet again.

"Don't you dare...!" he screamed, stumbling to his feet and forcing his body forward. "Don't you dare hurt him!" But Sadiq was gone, and he couldn't keep up. Tears sprung to his eyes as he broke into a run across the rocks, paying no mind to the foaming waves beneath him or the pain rippling through his body as he pushed his aching, cold body forward.

The rocks beneath his feet threatened to throw him off balance several times, and every time his feet slipped on the unsteady surface, Lovino half expected to fall into the waiting arms of the ocean beneath him. A few times, he would fall, sharp rocks cutting at his hands and knees as he struggled to get up again. The blood no longer bothered him – he couldn't even see it, in his panicked daze.

It was no less than a miracle that he managed to get safely back to civilization, and he really had no idea how he'd done it. But he did get out on the grass meadow where the path to the secret spot began. Never before had it felt better to have safe and steady ground beneath his feet, and it allowed him to move forward at a greater speed than before.

But adrenaline could only take him so far in his current condition, and despite the firm ground did nothing to help as his wild running turned into an unsteady trot, eventually slowing into stumbling steps as he swayed dangerously on his weakened feet. His lungs felt like they had been set on fire and were filled with hazardous gas, and every breath felt like getting stabbed.

"H-help me... An...tonio" His words hardly got out between his desperate gasps for oxygen. "Antonio…!"

"Lovi!"

Coming to a sudden halt, he blinked, lifting his foggy gaze to search his surroundings. Was he so out of it that he was hallucinating? Surely, that had been-

"Dios Mio-! Lovinito!" No, it wasn't his imagination. More tears ran down his face, as his boyfriend came into sight, running up to him. "W-where have you been? I thought you'd... Y-your knee! My God, you're soaked through and so cold-" The Spaniard's hands were shaking, Lovino noticed, as they held him gingerly by the shoulders while he looked him over, taking in his condition.

Lovino was suddenly overcome by a sudden urge to kiss his boyfriend senseless, but was quickly reminded that there was no time for happy gatherings. Fighting to get control over his sobs and trembling lips, he met his boyfriend's eyes head on.

"F-Feliciano..." he gasped out, struggling for the air he needed to speak, "He's going to k-kill my brother!"

oOo

Yay, things are getting dramatic~ Man I love writing dramatic scenes! ^^ Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I would love to hear what you all thought of it~