Because I simply felt like posting more, and received several good reasons as to why I should, here's another chapter for you all! I hope you'll enjoy it~ :D (And don't worry, next chapter will still be up next weekend like usual).

oOo

This had to be a nightmare. Just another nightmare, like the ones he had all the time. Similar to all the nightmares he had been having about Sadiq this last period of time, he had a gun. And, also similar, Lovino wasn't the only one threatened by it. If only Sadiq had finished this business with him, without involving his brother and boyfriend, but no. Sadiq wouldn't possibly make it that easy for him.

Instead, here they stood, in a church of all things, drenched with rain and staring down the barrel of a handgun. And just like in his nightmares, Lovino honestly had no idea what to do. Every time Antonio spoke, making the gun turn in his direction, his heart nearly stopped, and he just waited for the sound of lead tearing through flesh, and a body dropping to the floor.

Of course, Sadiq had no intentions of finishing this quickly, instead making it all so much worse. Lovino still had no idea how Sadiq had found out about his most painful and most secret thoughts, but he had, soon after they had started dating. That was the problem with the insane Turk; his physical torment was bad, but the psychological power he held over Lovino was a hundred times worse.

"Who would have expected that this innocent little Italian actually killed his own parents, right?" In that moment, Lovino's heart officially gave its last beat, and he felt empty, broken... dead. Standing in a church suddenly seemed painful, and his gaze unintentionally drifted to the figure on the cross, carved into the wooden altarpiece. How could he ever be forgiven a sin like that? And how could he be forgiven for actually thinking that he deserved to be forgiven?

"You're lying," Antonio's voice rung out from somewhere behind him, echoing against the walls despite the soft tone the words were spoken in. "I don't know what happened to his parents, all I know is that they are dead, but I would never trust your lies."

"Well, they do say ignorance is bliss," Sadiq laughed, "but honestly? I think the truth is a lot more entertaining. Why don't you tell him, honey? Tell him what you did." That damn smirk again, that self-assured grin that just screamed of control. And Lovino could only stand there, numb and helpless.

"I... I killed them," he breathed eventually, eyes still fixated on the altarpiece. Sadiq cocked his head, following his gaze before giving a chuckle.

"Aren't you a good little Christian," he cooed, "And here I thought you had given up on your beliefs. I mean, what do you care if I do this?" Abruptly, his gun was pointed directly at the altarpiece, and Lovino unwillingly took a step forward, breath catching in his throat.

"W-what are you doing? This is a holy house, you monster! Don't you have even a tad bit of decency in that sick mind of yours?" Sure, Lovino might have doubted in God's existence for a great part of his life. After all, there was never a God to help him when his parents stopped paying attention to him, or when they died. There was never a God to answer his prayers for someone to actually care about him. There was never a God to give him hope in his otherwise hopeless existence. Up until this moment, he hadn't even realized that all this time, there was still a part of him that believed in this God's existence, no matter how absent it might have seemed.

So why did he now defend this God, who had done absolutely nothing for him through his suffering? Was it because he still desperately believed he could be forgiven and saved? Or was it merely selfish fear that drove him to step even closer to Sadiq, pleading him with his body language to lower the gun...?

"P-please... don't."

Apparently, he wasn't the only one baffled by his actions; Sadiq looked slightly taken aback, and a mixture of amusement and irritation had built up in his eyes. "You're one confusing man, Lovino," he spoke, shaking his head with wonder. "You know this 'God' of yours hates you, and will never forgive you, but you still stand here, pleading for me not to shoot a wooden figure?"

"God wouldn't hate anyone, no matter what sin they committed." Lovino had almost forgotten that Antonio was still there, as he had stayed silent ever since Lovino admitted to being responsible for his parents' death. He didn't dare turn to look at him, partially because Sadiq was yet again pointing a gun in their direction, and he wasn't too happy about turning his back on him, but mostly because he was afraid what Antonio's expression would be like.

Paralyzed by terror, Lovino could only imagine him standing there, glaring daggers at him, disgusted and just waiting for a chance to escape out of his life for good.

"And what would you know about that, Toni?" Sadiq smirked mockingly, leaning back on his heels with his hands on his hips, gun pointed carelessly to the floor for the time being. "Who the hell would forgive someone who caused the death of their own parents? Go on, I'm listening."

"Someone who loved them so deeply that they would give their own life to save them. But love isn't something I expect you to understand, Sadiq Adnan. You say you care about Lovino? That you love him? See, it's a bit confusing to me. Is that the reason why you beat him into submission? Is that why you raped him for your own selfish needs? Is that why you killed him?"

And here Lovino had thought he had no tears left to cry. It seemed he was wrong. Every single one of Antonio's words seemed to bring out a new salty drop, and they began dripping onto the church floor. Sadiq didn't seem to feel the same way about the Spaniard's speech. He had gone strangely pale, and for a moment the gun hung loosely at his side, before he pointed it in their general direction and pulled the trigger. Lovino and Antonio both cried out as the bullet struck one of the glass windows, making it rain coloured glass.

"SHUT UP!" he roared, and made Lovino step back from his position, nearly tripping before he felt his boyfriend support him, and promptly pull him behind his own, larger body. "What the fuck do you know, huh? Like anyone else could ever love a freak like him!"

Antonio gave an angry growl where he stood before Lovino and hiding him from the Turk's violent anger. "If you call my boyfriend a freak one more time, I will personally make sure you regret it!"

"News flash!" Another bullet planted itself in a church bench near them, shattering some of the wood. Lovino could only whimper, clutching at the back of Antonio's sweater. "You're not the one with a gun here!"

The Spaniard's arms still had a grip on Lovino's arms making sure he stayed behind him, and while it was heart warming, it also frightened him. He could tell Antonio was terrified as well. He noticed the Spaniard's harsh, uneven breathing, hitching with fear. He could hear the way he swallowed nervously, and feel the way his arms and back trembled violently. And yet Antonio stood ground, in the direct path of the bullet, just to protect him. To think he'd always snorted at those cliché, romantic movies his brother was so fond of, where the hero always protected the damsel in distress, often ending up hurt in their place. Who in their right mind would do that for anyone, he had thought. Only lately had he realized that what he always secretly thought was; would anyone ever do something like that for him…?

"You think a gun will solve everything?" There wasn't sign of tremor in Antonio's voice, despite the fright practically radiating from him. "You think a weapon will make him love you? You pushed him to his death, Sadiq!"

"No! I didn't kill him, he's right there, isn't he? He didn't die!" Everything fell silent, and Lovino realized with a start that something had changed drastically. Peeking out from behind his boyfriend, he could see how Sadiq's body posture had changed. Where he had previously been self-assured and cocky, he was now looking more like a puppy who did something wrong. "I didn't... would never..."

"But you did. And what's worse, you had the nerve to come back, as if nothing ever happened." There was no anger in Antonio's voice. It was odd, but not once during his speech did he lose control of his emotions – he sounded perfectly calm, and spoke slowly, as if he was addressing a little child. Perhaps Antonio's brain had somehow activated a defence mechanism due to the shock of the situation, Lovino couldn't tell, but it seemed to be having an effect.

"I... had to come back." Sadiq seemed to regain his foothold again, straightening and glaring at them. "Lovino is mine!"

"No. He never was yours, and he never will be. You can't take control of someone by terrorising them. That's not how it works. And that's why you're not the one who has the privilege of holding his hand, of kissing him, or of making him smile."

"Why the hell are you doing this?" Sadiq screamed, a desperate pitch to his voice. "He killed his own parents, for fuck's sake! No one ever loved him, no one ever could, so why... WHY do you?"

"Why not?" These two words were quiet, matter-of-fact and simple, as if it was so logical that anyone could understand it. It was the exact same thing he'd done before, answering a question with another question, as if the reason was just that obvious. "How could anyone not love him? He's a sincerely good person, once you look past his defences and his temper. He cares about his brother, he protects those he care about, and he... he makes me feel at ease."

It was evident that Sadiq was only a short step away from gaping at him, but in the last minute he caught himself, and his jaws clenched tightly instead as something wild flashed in his eyes. Then, out of the blue, he began laughing, and the way it bordered on hysterical made every alarm bell Lovino had in his body go off. For a moment, he was so sure that the maniac would shoot, but instead the gun moved back in Feliciano's direction. He hardly even noticed the scream that tore from his throat as the sound of the bullet echoed harshly throughout the church.

The strangled cry that Sadiq uttered almost immediately after the echo died out, made him snap back to attention, however, and he realized that Sadiq's gun was lying on the floor, and that the Turk was clutching one hand with the other, pain evident on his features. Whipping around, Lovino could only gape at the sight of Ludwig, standing in the door way and holding a gun of his own, with various emotions dancing in his ice blue eyes.

He didn't stay long, however, instead tearing out of Antonio's grip and running over to his brother's side, while Sadiq cursed and writhed with pain.

Feliciano had awoken at some point during the ordeal, although he looked like he was close to fainting again; pale as a sheet and breathing in shaky gasps. Despite the way his eyes were glazed over with a haunted expression, he looked unharmed, and there was no sign of a bullet wound. Sadiq's gun hadn't had the time to shoot. Turning to face the other, he felt a strange sense of fury building up somewhere in his chest, almost making him nauseous. It made him move without really being in control of his body, and before he really knew what had happened, he was the one holding the gun. It was as if someone had possessed his body, and was making him point the weapon directly at the Turk's heart, with one trembling finger resting just above the trigger.

The tall man had frozen in his position, still cradling his bleeding hand while staring at him strangely, as if Lovino was some kind of cute pet dog that had just given its first real growl. Then he laughed, the corners of his mouth twisting shakily. "What are you going to do, huh? Shoot me? You don't have it in you."

Lovino felt a crooked smirk touch his own lips. It felt somewhat painful, but he was no longer in control of his own actions or words. "Don't have it in me?" he questioned incredulously. "Aren't you the one who was just standing here, calling me a murderer? A MONSTER?" If he hadn't known better, he'd say someone was using his body and voice without his consent.

"P-put it down..." Somehow, the hint of fear in Sadiq's eyes felt like the greatest thing he had experienced in ages. It truly was time for that bastard to feel even a small part of the feelings that had tormented him with for so long. The monster deserved every ounce of payback he got.

So why was it that Lovino felt even more terrified now that he was the one holding the weapon...?

"Lovino, no..." he heard Feliciano say somewhere in the distance, but he couldn't spare his brother a glance. His eyes were locked on Sadiq's, and it felt as if he was being electrified by his hold on the gun – it was painful and frightening, but somehow he just couldn't make himself let go of it.

"Don't do it, Lovinito." He drew a sharp intake of breath, not having noticed that Antonio had come closer, standing only a few feet away now. "You're not a murderer."

Lovino gritted his teeth where he stood. "It would be so easy..." he whispered, struggling to breathe through the lump in his throat, and the furious sobs that racked his body. "Do you feel it, Sadiq? Can you feel what it's like to have death breathe down your neck? That is how I feel every time I look at you."

"I would never kill you, not intentionally!" Sadiq tried, and he truly did look alarmed now, possibly noticing the fury that bubbled behind the Italian's burning gaze, along with various other emotions, escaping in the form of tears.

"Then maybe I should just do it for you?" His hand lifted on its own accord, and the barrel of the gun felt cold against his temple. While he could tell from the corner of his eye that Antonio was crying out for him, every sound seemed to have been muted, except for Sadiq's choked gasp and his own harsh heartbeats. "... Save you the trouble."

The sound of Sadiq's knees hitting the floor rung clearly through the church, and the sound brought everything back in focus for him. In the matter of a second, his eyes widened in shock and the weapon dropped to the floor as his hand went limp. The bullet that escaped at the impact, lodged itself in the wall just behind Sadiq, who was as still and lifeless as a doll, lips parted and eyes unseeing.

"Don't move! You are surrounded, put your hands over your head and..."

Lovino blinked, only now noticing the blue and red light that entered the church through the broken window, and the door, where several police men had just entered, weapons at the ready. He hadn't even heard them arrive before now. It didn't matter who called them. Suddenly, nothing mattered anymore and he just felt utterly exhausted.

Stepping away from the altar, he saw Antonio come towards him, arms reaching out for him and a relieved smile gracing his expression.

The next gunshot came out of nowhere, and Lovino wondered, through his dazed state of mind, what had caused the unexpected sound. His gaze locked on his boyfriend, and he noticed how Antonio's eyes widened ever so slightly, lips parting in surprise. At first, he thought the other was just surprised by the gunshot, but it became obvious that something was horribly wrong, as Antonio's feet buckled and eventually gave out, followed closely by the rest of his tall, slender frame. The second gunshot behind him sounded vaguely distant, as Lovino's mind was still frozen in a state of confusion and shock, watching his boyfriend fall to the floor in an almost graceful curve.

Around him, Lovino heard someone scream, heard someone shouting orders, but he could only stand there. It wasn't until he saw the rivers of red that was beginning to form underneath his boyfriend's unmoving body that things fell sharply back into place. Antonio was bleeding.

Oh God no...

All sounds seemed to fade away abruptly, and his eyes glazed over as he retracted into himself. Suddenly, he was no longer in the church. Instead he was standing in the middle of a road, watching as dark clouds of smoke rose from a vehicle ahead of him. It was a familiar scene, and his logic seemed to have gone into a state of paralysis, not caring that the sudden shift of scenes was physically impossible. It didn't matter that he wasn't supposed to be here, not now.

A feeling of morbid curiosity rose from somewhere within him, though something else was at the same time screaming at him that he didn't want to see this. He didn't want to go closer, yet his feet moved on their own accord, around the back of the car. A tractor stood ahead, pulling a wagon of lumber.

Some of the lumber had pierced straight through the front of the smashed car. Broken glass and pieces of wood covered the road around the car, along with a different substance. Everything was black and white, making this substance remind Lovino of oil. That same voice somewhere in his head screamed that it wasn't, but this voice held no control over his actions or his curiosity.

Something lay on the road amongst fallen lumber and broken glass. Everything was foggy from the smoke emitting from the car. Lovino wanted to go closer, but then a door on the car opened, and someone came out.

Everything shifted as quickly as a butterfly would flap its wings – the perspective changed, and a sense of dread overtook his senses. There was someone else in the car he'd just stepped out of, someone small, curled up in his seat. Where was father? Stumbling forward, he opened the front door with some difficulty. The next second he screamed, backing away in a hurry, only to trip over something on the ground. Falling on his back, he opened his eyes to see the white face and the terrifyingly empty eyes of a distorted creature that he recognized only too well. The breath froze in his lungs, as he stared at the broken figure of his own mother. Slowly, she turned her head, and her empty eyes met his, as she snapped greedily for air, wheezing as her lips moved.

"Lo... vino..."

And suddenly everything was in colours again, and the red substance overpowered his senses. He was drenched in it. He was drowning in it...

With a scream, he fell to his knees, and pain jolted through his body at the impact, making the scene change yet again back to what he assumed had to be reality. How could it be reality, though, when it was so much like a living nightmare? Staring ahead at Antonio, who lay on the floor, he somehow managed to half walk, half crawl over to his side, staring in fright at the blood on the floor and on his clothes. Nausea forced itself up into his throat, but he forced both that and the dizziness away.

"Antonio! Antonio, answer me!" he cried, not daring to touch the other in fear of making things worse. It was all his fault. Now Antonio was dying, and it was all because of him.

"Lovino..." The sound of the other's voice startled him, as he had half expected him to be dead already. It was so weak, just like his mother's had been before her eyes clouded over and she said no more. "Lovi, l-look at me...!" Tearing his eyes away from the blood, he met the other's eyes.

In those romantic movies, the person who was injured always had some incredibly meaningful and well-thought-off last words. In harsh reality, it would never be that easy to think of something to say when you lay bleeding to death, nor would it be that easy to get the words out at all when you choked on desperate gasps for air. Antonio couldn't seem to say anything, though his lips moved frantically for a moment. The only sound escaping him was a small strangled moan, as a thin stream of blood made its way down his chin. Instead of words, his hand found Lovino's, clutching it as he gave a smile, no matter how pained it seemed. Focusing on his eyes, Lovino realized with a start that they held no blame and no hatred. All that was there, was understanding and fear.

Strength seemed to leave his body, as if it was him who was bleeding out on the floor. Lying down right next to his boyfriend, the eye-contact remained as he tried to convey his own emotions through this connection they had. Don't die, was the message he tried to convey. Please forgive me.

And Antonio only nodded in understanding as his eyes began drifting shut. Lovino could only close his own eyes, simply feeling the way their pulse beat in unison where their hands intertwined, like one weakening heart beat.

As a heavy blanket of oblivion fell over them both, Lovino's thoughts strangely drifted back to the altarpiece, and the statue of Jesus Christ. He had pointed a gun at someone, in God's house, but had been unable to shoot. He had the chance to get rid of Sadiq before he hurt any of them, but couldn't do it. Antonio had paid the price for that, and it was definitely Lovino's fault.

So why was it that after a long excruciating time of guilt, of pain, and of self-hatred, he finally felt like he had been forgiven?

oOo

Aw, isn't this sad? And I'm sorry for leaving you with another ending like this, but it couldn't be avoided. I'd love some feedback~ ^^

Oh, and I just feel like I should point out that any mention of religion in this story is in no way based on my own beliefs. Catholicism is the largest religion in both Spain and Italy, after all, which is why I wrote it into the story in some degree.