"Jo," she'd not heard her name spoken like that in so many years.
"Teddy!" Of course it was her brother-in-law, for all his seriousness and full meanings, his voice was still smooth in tenor. "Oh what's wrong? Is it Amy?"
He sat down heavily beside her, looking intently in a manner that unnerved Jo who placed the gaze as one from his youth.
"No. I'm sure she's fine." Laurie didn't mean to sound so bitter but he was so sick and tired of acting and hoping. Everything he thought he could make work had failed and he was missing out. "I need to talk to you about something."
"Of course," Jo looked away, hoping both that he would and wouldn't broach the subject they'd been dancing around. "Help me finish the sorting and I'll listen with open ears."
Laurie nodded and began to fold; passing the clothes to Jo who would know what belonged to whom. They begun a good rhythm and not for the first time Laurie noticed how well they made a team, seeming to understand and predict each other's movements and thought. "Yes," he thought, "this is right, it's time."
He left the last shirt in his lap, taking hold of the hand Jo held out for the garment. "Jo, dear, do you remember –" Laurie's throat caught, thinking of his daughter, "do you remember Little Beth? How small she was? How red her cheeks were?"
Jo faced her dearest friend, upset that he should think she wouldn't, "Oh Teddy, how could I forget!" She left the sofa to kneel before him, grasping his arms, "Dearest Teddy, for all the short time Little Beth was here, no one could ever forget her. Is this what's troubling you?"
Laurie was touched by the concern in Jo's brown face and he smiled weakly back. "No, not quite. I – Amy doesn't – what I mean is, Jo, I want more Little Beths to be born into this world and I can't if – I can't if Amy won't."
Jo watched as he went through a torment of feelings, many of which she knew she'd felt late at night when her husband lay snoring beside her. She rubbed his hands in sympathy, "I see."
"And I so desperately want them Jo. I want to hear the sound of little booted feet clapping about on the floor. I want to rock their little bodies to sleep. I want –" Laurie stopped, feeling that ranting would do no good as it hadn't improved anything when he thought alone in his study.
"I know, Teddy." And Jo did, for all the trying, praying and hoping in the world hadn't made her with child and she had only stray boys who had already passed their firsts.
"I hoped you would, Jo," he said, not intending it to be hurtful but rather comforting for his next words would bring her that same hope. "I wanted, rather, I wish – Jo, you and I, we're very close, yes?"
"Yes." The only other person she might have considered as near was her husband.
"Jo, do you regret anything?"
She saw the way his look hung, as if she might pull apart his existence or make it new again and Jo felt her heart pull. "Oh, Teddy, what are you thinking?" She covered her face with her hands, not knowing whether to be pleased or horrified.
"Jo, I'm sorry but I have to say it. I love you, Jo. So very much." She'd never heard it said quite so avidly. "Would you, do you love me?"
He pulled her hands away and she looked up at him, thinking he'd never looked quite so pathetically at her. Jo was going to break under that look and she was starting to wonder if it would be so bad. "I do. I do! Just not – I don't think the way you want me to."
It wasn't exactly what he'd hoped for, but she didn't sound so decided so he pushed. "You've been wrong before, please, Jo, dear, will you –" he took a deep breath. She might never see him again after this. "Have a child?" She was staring at him, mouth open. "With me?"
The silence was so stifling and they both looked away, losing contact in the lull. At length, Jo stood, looking down at Laurie's lowered head, wondering just what on earth she should say. It wasn't right that she should still feel his hands on hers when they weren't there. It wasn't right that they should be having this conversation at all. It just wasn't right and Jo was pacing about, frantically trying to sort out the confusion in her head.
"Jo…" Laurie stood too, following her, trying to stop her maddened look.
"Laurie," she stopped, "I can't."
His heart caught in his chest and he thought he should die before she clarified, "I – I think, I do, I just can't hurt Fritz like this." She would defend that man till death. "We've tried, but I don't know… Teddy, what if it's me? I won't be able to – help – you, even if I wanted to."
"But do you want to?"
"Yes!" her heart cried, and deep, deep within Jo never said otherwise. It was her mind and sense of duty, the loyalty Laurie admired her so much for which contradicted, spouting her words of no and denied that she ever gave a small nod in response.
"This isn't right. God will –" but Jo never got to finish her argument as Laurie stepped all too close, trapping her hands in his and nudging Jo's head with his forehead.
"Oh, shun religion!"
If his cologne hadn't been so intoxicating or his eyes so close, Jo might have dismissed his blasphemous words and replaced them with her own pious, but as it was, Laurie's influence was at its peak and she was finally ready to succumb.
"I will."
…
A/N: I'm so mean to everyone in this story. Oh well. Sorry about the suddenness with the accepting. If you think its way to unbelievable I promise I'll rewrite the chapter for you. Honestly, it won't be a problem and I won't be offended for sure if you think it is. I just need to know.
Oh ps. I need to know whether to change the direction in Journey to Sensible Land or not. Please tell me? I can't decide for myself shakes head at own ineptness