A Day in the Life

October 16th

Not a good start to the day. I've slept in because I had to calm Juugo.

I woke up in the middle of the night and I could hear this strange plaintive howling noise. I put on my bathrobe and peeked my head round the front door. It was coming from Juugo's apartment. I went over and knocked on the door.

"It's Sasuke," I said. "Are you okay?"

He said that, no, he wasn't.

I asked him if he wanted help packing or anything and the door opened with a creak. His voice came whispering from the shadows, telling me to come in. It was quite creepy. Creepiness notwithstanding, however, I went in and I ended up spending the rest of the night helping him pack and calming him down.

I only got to bed a few hours ago. Hence the fact that I've slept in and don't have time to have a shower and a decent breakfast. I grabbed a piece of toast while I checked my e-mails and just as I finished it, I sneezed on the plate and sprayed toast crumbs all over my keyboard.

This is not going to be a good day.

I had the following e-mail from Naruto:

----

From: "the best"

Subject: guess what?

i have big news to tell u dude when u get to konoha. cant wait to tell u i'm bursting with excitement.

see ya round like a record (in a coupla hours, lol)

N.

----

I am now extremely concerned. Either this has something to do with Sakura, or it's something to do with his job prospects. We corporate employees lead simple, uncomplicated lives, after all (if only that were true!) I'm not sure whether I want to know.

Better get going. Don't want to be late. I promised I'd meet Juugo and look after him until we get to the airport.

LATER: I drove Juugo to the airport in my shiny, new company car. It's a black Mercedes SLK hardtop convertible (and it's newer and better than Kabuto's). When we got there, Suigetsu and the others were already there. Karin asked who the guy was I was with. I told them it was Juugo and they all gaped and stared at him for a good few minutes. Juugo started twitching and I wisely steered him off to the Club members' lounge for a cup of tea and a sit down.

I spent fifteen minutes haring about the airport looking for Orochimaru before Kabuto informed me, with more than necessary smugness, that Orochimaru had decided to go on ahead to Konoha on his private jet. Alone.

Inwardly, I cursed Kabuto and his big, smug face and then checked in my and Juugo's cases. Then I dragged Juugo from the Club World lounge. He was hiding under the buffet table, and it took me twenty minutes to find him. As a result, we were both running extremely late for our flight.

A mad dash to the gate followed. The flight attendant looking after the gate looked at us with disdain in her eyes and told us that 'everyone was waiting for us'. I gave her my 'I'm a big, important corporate employee' sneer and said that, unfortunately, the delay had been necessary, but that I thanked her for her patience. Patience my arse.

So now I'm here on the flight to Konoha. I'm allowed to use my laptop because I'm a big shot, unlike the cattle flying back in economy. We all have seats to ourselves and there's this little canopy that closes over you at the press of a button. It's fantastic. Though it means that instead of just looking over to see whether Juugo's okay, I have to go knock on the canopy and check on him. And it's about that time again. I'm just glad that this isn't a long-haul flight.

LATER: Everyone's checked into the hotel. The place is truly spectacular: all polished marble and solid gold, crystal chandeliers. It's a real health hazard.

Orochimaru has locked himself away in his penthouse. Apparently, he went off on one down in the lobby and stormed up to his room. I haven't seen or spoken to him all day. Either he is a genuine psychopath or just possesses a penchant for melodrama - I can't decide which.

Juugo is safely tucked away in his room and is enjoying the internet access. He's getting to work on fixing the mix-up. Maybe if he sets things straight now, Orochimaru will be at least bearable by tomorrow night. Here's hoping.

October 17th

My arm is in plaster. Broken.

I didn't have much to do yesterday, what with the boss being in a raging mood, so I phoned Naruto and said I'd meet him at Ichiraku Ramen at 2:00pm. At 2:17pm, Naruto arrived - in a rather spectacular manner.

When he saw me sitting there, he yelled "SASUKEEEEEEEEEE!! SASUKE!! OH MY GOD, GUYS, HE'S HEEEEEEEEEERE!!" and lunged at me, toppling me over. I landed on my arm, hard, and I swear I heard it crack. I think Naruto did, too, because his face went pale. Then, seeing him go pale, I went pale, and horrendous waves of pain started shooting up my arm. I think I was cursing and shouting incoherently by that time, so Naruto, Kakashi and Sakura drove me to the hospital where a timely X-ray confirmed that my arm was, indeed, broken.

The medics put my arm in plaster and told me to come back in four weeks' time for a check-up.

I really felt like beating Naruto bloody at that point, but he was incredibly apologetic, and he looked so genuinely morose that when he asked for forgiveness I caved and grunted a grudging acceptance. We went back to Ichiraku Ramen and had lunch. At least I could still eat with one arm down. Naruto started pestering me, begging to sign my plaster cast, and I eventually let him. He wrote his name in big, inch-high letters, then wrote underneath in brackets (Sorry, dude, for breaking your arm). I rolled my eyes.

The cast looked pretty empty after that, so I let Kakashi and Sakura sign it too. Then Teuchi (the stall owner) and Ayame (his daughter) signed it. Ayame put three kisses "xxx" after hers. I winked at her and she blushed. She so wants me.

I invited Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi back to my penthouse and we spent the rest of the afternoon watching the Pay Per View channels. We watched Snakes on a Plane. I will never fly again. I am scared of snakes. Why I ever agreed to watch that I'll never know.

It was then that Naruto told me his big news. Sakura, as it turns out, had similar news to divulge. Apparently, Naruto has been promoted (there's something I never thought I'd have to say) and has been appointed to the position of Jiraiya's PA. He's essentially doing the same job as me. Likewise, Sakura has been appointed to be Tsunade's PA. I smiled through gritted teeth and congratulated them. They seemed to be convinced by my performance, though it was a poor one.

It's so unfair. I can't even gloat about being in a better job than them anymore - even though I still get paid more with Orochimaru.

They left at about half six in the evening to go back to their apartments and get organised for the party. I'll need to get dressed quick. The boss hasn't called for me, but if he does, I'll need to get there sharpish.

Not to mention I'll need to explain the broken arm.

October 18th

So much has happened. I think it's beyond me to process it all just now. I really need to have a think. Things have become even more complicated than they were just a few days ago.

I might write later.

LATER:

Right. I've had time to think about it. I guess it's best to begin at the beginning.

All the guests were assembled in the hotel's enormous banquet room by 7:30pm. The place was spectacularly decorated. Hundreds of covered tables were set out and an army of impeccably dressed and very pretty waitresses were ready to provide silver service. There were ice-sculptures, and more crystal chandeliers, and white roses - Orochimaru had even hired the Konoha Chamber Orchestra to play for the night. They, too, were in formal dress and were arranged, ready to play, upon a stage specially assembled for the occasion. I didn't want to think about how much money Orochimaru must have spent on all this. Though I suppose it's merely a drop in the ocean to him. He's filthy rich.

Orochimaru arrived last with Kabuto in tow, looking rather chic in a plain black kimono and a white nagajuban. He hadn't dragged Juugo down by the hair and he seemed fairly cheerful, which led me to believe that the whole accounts debacle had been resolved. I was to find out later that it had been, but I'll get to that momentarily.

We all had to be quiet when Suigetsu came dashing through and announced that Jiraiya was coming. When the man himself arrived, everyone shouted "SURPRISE!" Jiraiya promptly started laughing and cursing, saying to Naruto (who he'd come with) "Did you know anything about this? You did, didn't you! You bastards... You utter bastards!" Then he noticed the boss and careered towards him, flinging out his arms. The more I think about it, the more I realise that Naruto really is the perfect assistant for him. I felt a sudden charitable urge to protect Orochimaru from sustaining any broken bones.

After Jiraiya had almost asphyxiated the boss through his manic enthusiasm, we were directed to our candle-lit table. A white, silk canopy was erected over it and white rose petals were scattered everywhere. The orchestra started playing. It was all incredibly civilised. So much so that I was rather worried for Naruto. We deferred ordering until Tsunade and Sakura turned up. They did before long, and then we had dinner. Between the fish course and the main, Naruto got excited and managed to spill a carafe of red wine all over the table. Everyone leapt out of their seats to avoid the tidal wave imminent, red, staining embarrassment. Jiraiya roared with laughter as though he'd heard the finest joke ever told. Tsunade, however, rubbed her temple and Orochimaru didn't look impressed.

When the tables were cleared, Orochimaru excused himself and disappeared somewhere, leaving me to play the gracious host. I ended up talking to Jiraiya about my broken arm (another use for it: a conversation-starter). Again, he roared with laughter when he learned that it was Naruto's fault (Naruto scratched his head sheepishly and giggled) and offered to sign it. He did, and then it seemed to start a trend. I was engulfed by people wanting to sign my plaster and buy me drinks.

As of right now, I have the following signatures:

NARUTO
(sorry dude for breaking your arm).

Sakura
Do you want me to punch Naruto for you?
xxx

Kakashi
LOL!!!
Kidding. Sucks man.

Teuchi-san
(get well soon!)

Ayame
xxx

JIRAIYA THE GREAT

Tsunade
(get well soon, Sasuke-kun)

SUIGETSU
(can't believe you broke your arm, Sasuke, you tard)

Karin
you're a star, Sasuke.
xxx

Gen'yumaru
The G-Man says YOU LOSE!!
j/k, that sucks muchly.
Get well soon, man.

Amachi
(Sasuke got PWNED!!)

THE GREEN BEAST

Rock Lee
(bad luck, man)
Underneath this one, Naruto has written "FUZZY BROWS".

GAARA
(get well soon, Sasuke)

Kankuro
(bad timing, lol)

Temari
(get well soon, Sasuke)
xxx

Ino
Oweee, Sasuke-kun, I hope you'll be okay soon.
Here's my number 07969 xxx xxx.
Keep in touch, hun.

Shikamaru
How troublesome, lol.
Just kidding. Get well soon, man.

Choji the Awesome
Ha ha! Pwned by Naruto
You're his bitch now, dude.

NEJI
Sucks about the breakage.
Got to love how you did it, though.
Spectacular!

SHINO
Bad luck, Sasuke.
Get well soon.

ASUMA
Go out for a smoke.
It'll make it all better.

TENTEN
xxx ooo xxx

KING KIBA THE BENEVOLENT
(This followed by a muddy paw print that I think belongs to Akamaru. I swear he takes that dog everywhere).

Oro
x

Yes, you might be wondering about that last signature. The reason Orochimaru was the last to sign was because he was the last person to see me at the party. Well... we weren't exactly at the party, but I'll get to that in a minute.

At about midnight, I was feeling quite drunk, as everyone had ended up crashing our table and buying me drinks because I was "an invalid". It was getting quite rowdy - Naruto and Jiraiya were dancing on the table - and I was feeling a bit ill. Maybe mixing the vodka and the painkillers wasn't such a bright idea. I excused myself, saying that I was going out to get some fresh air.

The banquet room opens up at the back onto a huge balcony with an excellent view of Hokage Mountain, so I headed out there to cool down and catch my breath. It was a full moon and the candlelight added to the rather romantic atmosphere (I should have realised this at the time). There were already a few people outside, but I didn't recognise many of them. I spotted the boss leaning against the edge of the balcony, a glass of champagne in hand. Alone. He was gazing out over the moonlit vista of Konoha seeming lost in thought.

He looked quite sad and lonely, so I figured I'd try to cheer him up. He did appear to brighten up when I approached him, and he finally inquired about my arm. I told him about Naruto and he laughed and said that he sounded exactly like Jiraiya. He signed my cast. I was a bit suspicious about the 'x' but I said nothing.

We then got to talking about Jiraiya, and Orochimaru admitted that it wasn't actually his birthday tonight, but that Jiraiya always has the party on the 17th because he gets terribly depressed on his real birthday and won't speak to anyone for days. I asked Orochimaru how he knew Jiraiya and he told me that they graduated from the Academy together. I was genuinely shocked to hear that the boss was almost fifty (he will turn fifty on the 25th). He really doesn't look it. I told him this, and he looked at me funny for a moment before smiling and putting his hand on my shoulder. He suggested that we go for a walk, and I, being drunken and open to suggestion, stupidly complied.

Now I know why Itachi doesn't drink. I bet he never gets himself into such situations...

Anyway, we ended up out in the gardens, sitting on a bench by the pond. The moonlight was reflecting off the water, and fireflies flitted across its gently rippling surface. The air smelled of honeysuckle. It was a perfectly, grossly, sickly sweet scene - like something out of Dawson's Creek, for god's sake. Orochimaru, it turns out though, is quite the intellectual. We discussed a whole range of philosophical topics, including, but not limited to: Is there an afterlife? Does knowledge really equal power? Do souls exist? Are snails sentient beings? If a fat girl falls in the forest, does anyone laugh? That last one was hilarious - I still get the giggles thinking about it. We also touched upon the nature of war, and I think Orochimaru has really altered my perspective on it. At first I was adamant that war is a bad thing. Orochimaru corrected me and said, "What do you mean by 'bad'? Define 'bad', Sasuke-kun."

I said that war kills thousands of innocents - people who are not necessarily involved in the conflict, other than by virtue of being associated, however loosely, with a particular ethnic group or organisation. Casualties could number among those who do not support the war, or those who have been forced into fighting, or those who wish to disassociate themselves from their particular group but who are caged. Very often, those who support the war are brainwashed by their xenophobic, bigoted leaders before ending up dead on the front line. "It's a bad thing," I repeated. "A hideous, insidious, twisted and destructive force, which I feel is terribly old-fashioned."

"It's a destructive force, is it?" Orochimaru said, sipping his sixth glass of champagne and appraising me with a mischievous glint in his snakey eyes. "I believe, rather, that it's very much a constructive force, and that war can be a good thing."

I snorted with derision and disbelief and asked him to explain himself. And he did.

War, he said, is not limited to martial exploits. We are constantly at war with one another as fellow human beings, constantly competing, striving to be the best. Without competition, there would be no need to progress, to advance. We would still be wandering about in deer-skins, holding hands and living in ignorance. War, he said, leads to advancement, and peace, to stagnation.

My mind bogged at this point, and I don't think the champagne was helping matters. Orochimaru sipped his drink and grinned at me.

I told Orochimaru that his idea was rather fantastic and that he had a mind like a corkscrew. He smiled at me and then did something extraordinary. He leaned forward and kissed me.

I pulled away at first to ask him exactly what he thought he was doing. His head tilted quizzically to one side and he said "I thought that was obvious." He asked me whether it bothered me and I replied, "Well, no. Not really." And so he kissed me again. And I kissed him back.

More champagne and more kissing followed before Orochimaru suggested we retire to his penthouse.

I don't really remember what happened after that, but as I woke up next to the boss in bed this morning, both of us entirely naked, I believe I could hazard a guess.

I left him in bed, still sleeping, gathered up my clothes, and dashed back to my room. I'm hoping against hope that he won't remember a thing...

Thanks to everyone who has left reviews for the story so far. To everyone who hasn't yet, or to everyone who is thinking about it, it'd be really nice to know what you think.

Take care, guys.

Ada K.