A Day in the Life
October 18th
LATER: An hour went by. Then two hours. Then three. Orochimaru hadn't called, knocked on the door, sent any e-mails - nothing. I felt a little relieved at this point, but I was burning inside with the shame of it all. The gnawing guilt was eating away at me. I had three missed calls from Karin and two texts asking where I had got to and whether I was okay.
Let it be known, Karin, that I was not okay. I WAS BEING BUGGERED SILLY BY THE BOSS IN HIS BIG, FUCKING BED IN HIS BIG, FUCKING PENTHOUSE, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!
I'm sorry. I do apologise for that outburst. I'm still feeling a bit weird about the whole situation...
Anyway, I'm straying from my main point. I left Orochimaru's room at about 6:30 in the morning. I started to crack up at about 9:30 - pacing the length of the hotel room floor, fixing myself innumerable cups of strong coffee, tearing at my hair, that sort of thing - and I ended up phoning Naruto. Why I phoned Naruto, I'm not sure. I suppose he has been my friend for ages, and he's the only person I know who's too stupid to judge me and too kind-hearted to make fun. I must have sounded pretty manic on the phone, because he turned up within fifteen minutes with two big boxes of Krispy Kremes. Have I ever mentioned that I love Naruto?
He made me another cup of coffee, steered me onto the sofa, sat me down and asked me what was up. I blurted out the whole sordid tale, telling him about when I met up with Orochimaru in the balcony, then when we went down to the gardens and talked, then the kissing, then the... other nefarious activities. Naruto just sat there and listened, his forehead wrinkling in concentration in that way of his when he has to actually put his mind to a use greater than playing Kurushi on the PS.
His verdict: "Wow, Sasuke. That's rough. Are you gonna eat that Strawberry Glazed one?"
I sighed and relinquished the doughnut. That seemed to open up the mental floodgates, however, because then he asked me something surprisingly deep and meaningful, which I would not have expected from Naruto and did not even think about myself.
He said, spraying crumbs and strawberry glaze everywhere: "So, do you like him?"
I was struck dumb.
I couldn't answer that. I really couldn't. I mean, I thought I was quite fixed on the fact that I wasn't going to give in to his advances, that I would be distant and professional, yet irresistibly charming, and that there was no way in hell that he could have an Uchiha - but it seems rather too late for all that. Alcohol has made it so.
Naruto was grinning at me. My mind and emotions were in turmoil, so I snapped at him for being so insensitive and asked him what the hell he was grinning at. He said that the fact I even had to think about it must mean I like him a little bit.
This prospect of that unwelcome revelation shocked me so much, that I had to go to the minibar and have the rest of the cheap chardonnay Kakashi left unfinished from the day before. While I did this, Naruto set up his PS2 that he'd brought round along with the Krispy Kremes. He brought along his mind-numbing fail-safe - Bishi Bashi Special, and we sat and played that for a blessed half hour in which I didn't have to think about Orochimaru. I could only play the games where you just needed one hand. Bloody Naruto and his grievous-bodily-harm-inducing enthusiasm.
This, however, was before the doorbell rang. I told Naruto to pause the game (I was kicking his arse at the pie-throwing mini-game and I didn't want him cheating) and I went to answer the door, thinking it would be Karin or Suigetsu or someone wanting to know whether I was still alive. I opened the door and I almost fell over and had a heart-attack.
It was Orochimaru, standing there in a long, black, silk robe with an amused, yet predatory smile playing round the corners of his mouth. I soon realised why. He was holding a pair of my underpants in one hand.
"You left in quite the rush this morning, Sasuke-kun," he said calmly. "You forgot these. Is anything wrong?"
In the middle of my embarrassing attempt to stutter out an answer, by which time Orochimaru had snaked his free hand that remained unburdened by underpants around my waist, pulling me towards him, Naruto leaned back and shouted, "Hey, hey hey! Morning, Orochimaru-sama! Want a doughnut? There's LOADS left!"
Orochimaru stiffened and he looked down at me coldly. His eyes said: "Are you doing what I think you're doing?" Now that I look back, I realise why he might have thought that. My hair was still a mess from tumbling out of bed and streaking along the corridor, I hadn't bothered changing out of my robe, I smelled of vodka and champagne, and Naruto looked similarly dishevelled - he had stripped down to his underpants because he always maintains that he can only concentrate fully on computer gaming when he is unhindered by restrictive layers of clothing. It was completely innocent, but then Orochimaru has probably had years of experience of filth-mongering, so I expect his mind could turn anything into innocuous into something seedy.
Furious, he turned to leave and made to shut the door behind him. It was then that I had an epiphany. I really wasn't that keen on him leaving. Maybe... maybe I did actually rather like him. In that way. He's intelligent, he has a really warped sense of humour, he's filthy rich and he has good hair and a nice arse. Even though he is more than three times my age, and even though he is of the male sex, I realised that I was now morally bankrupt enough to let it slide. I'd already had a (probable and drunken) homosexual experience with the twins, after all. I am practically bisexual! I had to take drastic action.
"Errrr... wait!" I said. "Don't go."
Orochimaru turned round and folded his arms, surveying me coolly down his nose. He seemed distinctly disgruntled. Under his stern gaze and this coupled with the realisation that I now had a crush on the boss, my brain suffered something akin to a paper jam. My faculties of eloquence, coherence and charm - my best qualities! - were suppressed, leading me to blurt out, embarrassingly:
"I swear to you I'm not shagging Naruto. It's not what it looks like."
His head tilted to one side and he raised an eyebrow. He wasn't leaping into my arms, but he wasn't leaving, either. So I launched into a breathless, rushed explanation that went something like this:
"I-I-needed-someone-to-talk-to-this-morning-so-I-called-Naruto-and-he-came-round-with-some-doughnuts-and-his-console-and-we-were-just-playing-the-PS-that's-all-nothing-else. Naruto's-in-his-underwear-because-he's-an-idiot-and-says-he-can't-concentrate-and-beat-me-with-all-his-clothes-on-at-the-same-time. He-really-is-an-idiot-and-I'm-going-to-kill-him. I-swear-that's-the-truth-so-so-please-don't-go..."
I sort of trailed off at this point, absolutely mortified. I stared at the ground and shuffled my feet as Orochimaru observed me closely, appearing to be weighing up the truth of my statement.
I almost flinched when I felt him kiss the top of my head a few seconds later.
"I believe you," he said. "But don't let it happen again."
Relief flooded me and I grinned inanely. Orochimaru smiled back. I asked him if he wanted to come in for a bit. He shrugged and said, "Why not."
The three of us ended up sitting in our underwear, drinking and playing Bishi Bashi Special for the rest of the afternoon. Orochimaru didn't know how to play, so Naruto and I gave him the speed-induction course. It's not hard. He ended up getting really good at it, and he even beat me at Uncle Bean. I am the KING at Uncle Bean. I'll have to arrange a re-match at some point, because I simply cannot let that lie.
About an hour later, Naruto got a call from Jiraiya, and had to go pick him up. Apparently, Jiraiya had reached such a state of inebriation last night that he and Kakashi thought it would be a really bright idea to go on a booze cruise. What they forgot to realise in their drunken haze was that nowhere in Konoha sells alcohol after midnight. Therefore, they ended up wandering around town and somehow both managed to get stuck in the same Portaloo.
What Jiraiya actually said was: "Nrrrrrr... Naruto? Thank god. We're stuck in one of the shit-stacks in the Public Park. Could you—? Right. I'll see you soon. Come quick, my head's killing me and I'm choking on the smell of—"
You can probably guess the rest.
So Naruto left (not before giving me an extraordinarily unsubtle wink and a hard nudge in the ribs) and I was alone with the boss. I thought he would have pounced on me as soon as the door clicked shut, but he kept playing the damned Playstation. I think he's addicted to Uncle Bean. Naruto left it with us on loan and we've to give it back tomorrow before we leave.
As I type this, Orochimaru is STILL playing the Playstation. He got bored of Bishi Bashi Special and dug out Resident Evil 2 from Naruto's game bag. I've been watching him play for the past two hours. He's really, really into it in a big way and has hardly paid me any attention. I'm beginning to regret my decision to introduce him to the Way of the Console.
Oh no... wait. He's just paused the game and he's looking at me in a funny way. I think he... Oh. Right. I'd better go.
Will write later.
October 19th
I am so sore.
I have never before been so rigorously tested.
I don't think I can sit down, either...
The flight back is in a couple of hours. Orochimaru left my room not that long ago. He sent out one of his underlings to return Naruto's PS2. Said underling also purchased a PS2 on behalf of Orochimaru and a few games (as recommended by me). If the company folds because the boss won't come out of his apartment because of all the drinking, having sex and playing the PlayStation, then it's entirely my fault.
I am grinning so much, here, you have no idea...
October 20th
I had a truly cringe-worthy on the flight back to Otogakure. Remember that I watched Snakes on a Plane the afternoon before the party? Yes. Well, I was comfortably ensconced in my Club World class seat with the canopy closed over - enjoying a blessed moment of privacy - and I fell asleep and had a horrible, horrible nightmare about snakes. On a plane.
In my sleep, I screamed the place down and was apparently trying to fend off imaginary snakes with some considerable force. The cabin crew (and everyone else) thought I was having some sort of panic attack and they had to get the emergency key to unlock the canopy. When they tried to wake me up, I accidentally punched an air steward in the face and broke his nose. Only after they had managed to physically restrain me did I finally wake up. I had no recollection of the incident whatsoever.
Suigetsu, Amachi and Gen'yumaru, laughed heartily at me and I was thus the butt of all their jokes for the rest of the flight back (and this will still be the case for the rest of the week, no doubt). They weren't particularly sophisticated jokes. Mostly, they were of the 'point and laugh' variety. I was incredibly pissed off, you have no idea. The only thing that stopped me from throwing an Orochimaru-style strop was Karin sticking up for me.
I'm glad that I at least have someone who feels a bit of sympathy for me...
Thanks for the reviews, Riana1, foreverloved, quertumz and danni quinn. Thanks, too, to everyone else who has left a review so far. I'm like Sasuke: I'm grinning so much right now, I can't tell you. This story is so much fun to write - I even make myself laugh writing it sometimes.