A Day in the Life
November 17th
One week till the trial. The countdown begins in earnest. Do I feel sick? Yes. I most certainly do.
Itachi is still here. He's in the bathroom and has been for over an hour. I still have no idea what he does in there.
Had my first real meeting concerning the trial with everyone present last night at the boss's house. Itachi, Kabuto, Lee and Gai were there, and, of course, the boss.
It was scary stuff. While we were all sitting around the dining table, Kabuto explained the specifics. Apparently, I am being charged on an indictment with assault occasioning ABH (or Actual Bodily Harm). Not being well-versed in legalese, I had to seek clarification as to what the acronym meant. Kabuto rolled his eyes and made great show of his exasperation at my not being able to keep up intellectually. It was all I could do not to whip his stupid specs off his smug face and step on them.
Gai and Lee had been liaising with the prosecution and had attempted to bring about a lesser charge of common assault. Their gallant attempt proved to be unsuccessful, as the prosecution (under the command of one Mitarashi Anko) reminded them that the distinction between common and ABH lay in the necessity of medical treatment. Since Jin, 24, from Konoha's injuries included:
a) a temporary loss of sensory function, including loss of consciousness
and
b) a displaced, broken nose
it meant that I was to be brought under the more severe charge of ABH. Mitarashi even had the audacity to press for GBH (I know what that stands for, and I told Kabuto so - beating him at his own eye rolling game) but since they lacked proof of intent, she was forced to back down.
I have been handed a forty page book with lines to learn and scenarios to memorise. These range from the no-brainers to the utterly off-the-wall ridiculous. Some examples of the no-brainers:
The judge will ask you, "How do you plead?" You should answer calmly, "Not guilty."
You will be required to place your hand upon a copy of the Lotus Sutra. You will be asked, "Do you swear by the Almighty Buddha to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" You should answer calmly, "I swear by the Almighty Buddha to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth."
Some examples of the off-the-wall ridiculous:
If you are asked whether you have ever indulged in ritual violence as a member of the outlawed cult of Jashin - by no means should you answer in the affirmative.
If you are asked whether you have associates belonging to the world of organised crime, having participated in kidnapping and/or bounty-hunting - by no means should you answer in the affirmative.
If you are asked whether you have contact with an individual/individuals under suspicion of arson or bombing crimes - by no means should you answer in the affirmative.
If asked whether you associate, or have ever associated, with individuals who are under suspicion of first-degree murder, cannibalism or illegal genetic experimentation in direct violation of the Konoha Treaty - by no means should you answer in the affirmative.
Honestly. Those are just nuts. I think Kabuto is being a little over-cautious...
November 18th
I don't think I'll ever be able to get in the bathroom again.
Suigetsu, another one who spends hours in the tub, has come over here to use mine. This is because he was victim to a rather embarrassing bath-related incident the other night while I was learning my lines and being interrogated. The baths in the apartments on this level of the complex are all rather nice, elegant jobs, with proper, old-fashioned gold taps. Suigetsu, being almost terminally stupid, decided that while he was in the bath, it would be a wonderful idea to see how far he could push his big toe up into the tap. Needless to say, when he wished to retrieve the offending digit from the inner-workings of the tap, he found, to his surprise, that he could not. Adding to his predicament was the fact that he had used the hot water last to top up the bath, and a trickle of steaming-hot liquid began to besiege his poor, stuck toe.
After much yelling, thrashing and screaming for help, Karin finally heard him. They ended up having to call two blokes from maintenance to remove the toe from the tap. This was done with the aid of a large pair of sheet metal cutters and some axle grease.
Therefore, while Suigetsu awaits replacement taps, he is using my bath. Under different circumstances, I would simply nip over to the boss's house and take a shower if my bathroom happened to become overcrowded, but, alas, Itachi is still here (and using the bathroom).
I won't be at all surprised if a fight breaks out over the last bottle of Pantene Sleek n' Smooth conditioner. There has already been tension regarding Suigetsu's alleged use of Itachi's Happy Hippy shower gel (Suigetsu vociferously denies this).
November 19th
No bathroom fights as of yet, however Itachi and Suigetsu are both being suspiciously polite to one another. We have run out of Pantene Sleek n' Smooth. I shall have to keep a close watch on them in case violence erupts. I know what my brother is like.
Nothing astounding to report today, other than the boss taking the opportunity to smooch the face off me while Itachi went to the loo. We only spotted him coming back at the last second (my brother walks like a cat) and the boss knocked over a plant pot as a result of a mad dash toward the safety of his office.
The boss disappeared into his office just as Itachi came in. My brother raised an eyebrow, looked at the office door, then looked at me because both of us could clearly hear the boss laughing hysterically inside. I had resumed my innocent "I am filing" position and shrugged, feigning ignorance. Itachi knocked on the door and peeked his head in to find the boss lying on the floor, helpless with laughter, tears streaming down his cheeks. Clearly unnerved at this odd behaviour, Itachi withdrew and closed the door behind him.
"Does he do that a lot?" he asked me.
"All the time," I lied, desiring to freak out Itachi.
"Any particular reason why?"
"Not that I know of. It's always pretty spontaneous."
"What happened to the plant?"
"I knocked it over while you were away. It was an accident."
"Well, that was rather clumsy of you," Itachi said condescendingly, shaking his head and returning to his iPod, beanbag and Tetris.
I am seriously considering running him over with the Aston Martin. I'd be strangely justified if I did so. A taste of his own medicine, so to speak. And if I ended up court over it, I could always plead temporary insanity. Anyone who knows my brother at all would sympathise.
The sooner he is back at Akatsuki, the better...
November 20th
Three days until the trial. My sleep-pattern is non-existent. I keep jolting awake in a cold sweat from dark, rushing nightmares in which I am in a communal prison shower and a big-bruiser of an inmate, covered in tattoos, drops the soap at my feet, expecting me to bend over and pick it up. I don't want to go into further specifics. Suffice to say, it is traumatising.
That is not all that's causing me stress. Adding to my anxiety, Kabuto drew me aside last night at the meeting and divulged something that he didn't want to say in front of the boss. Apparently Mitarashi Anko - of the prosecution! - was the boss's first corporate bit on the side.
Kabuto explained to me out in the corridor in hushed whispers that Anko has had it in for the boss ever since he unceremoniously dumped her when he had been headhunted and left Konoha-Suna Corp. to work for the Akatsuki Group. Anko, unfortunately for the boss, was rather hung up on him, and playing the role of the woman scorned with aplomb, she went public with the story, selling it to every newspaper she could get in contact with.
I scoffed at first, and said "I don't believe you. You're making this up," but Kabuto then whipped out his powerbook and brought up the an article on the Konoha Times website. A front-page spread greeted my unbelieving eyes, sporting the roaring headline, "SORDID OFFICE FLING: SAINT ORO LOSES HIS HALO". There was a large, slightly blurry colour picture right in the centre of the page, showing Mitarashi Anko straddling the boss on a big, leather chair, wearing only a tight, white blouse, a bra, suspenders and french knickers. They were clearly up to no good.
I felt The Rage boiling inside me, and it took considerable effort to suppress it. My fists were clenching and unclenching and I suddenly felt very hot all over. This was clearly another ex the boss had neglected to tell me about. With yet another one popping out of the woodwork, it begs the question, it really does. Just how many partners has he had? Were they all underlings?
Kabuto said that Anko had taken the boss to court to file for emotional damages. The case was thrown out, and since then, Anko had managed to get herself a law degree from the University of Konoha - "to protect ordinary citizens from corporate injustice." Normally, she didn't do run-of-the-mill criminal cases, but since Orochimaru was involved in this one - however tangentially - she had offered to take up Jin's case free of charge, and, not only that, but she had vowed to "make me pay" for my "misdemeanours".
Basically, Mitarashi Anko believes she has unfinished business with the boss and will be dumping all her emotional baggage on me to get to him.
So why didn't the boss tell me this?
I am so furious right now... I can't even think straight. I want to go back over to the boss's and have it out with him, but I can't because fucking Itachi is here, being annoying and perfect and packing for the impending trip to Konoha. Suigetsu is in the bathroom, singing "Everybody Hurts" at the top of his voice.
GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
I'm going to go put my fist through a door.
Will write later.
LATER: Suigetsu left a few hours ago with one of MY towels wrapped around his head "to go pack". I asked him why and he informed me, with a huge toothy grin, that he was coming to Konoha to watch the trial and "cheer me on". He intends to stay for a few days afterwards and do touristy things too, with Karin, Amachi and Gen'yumaru. He asked me if I wanted to come along!
Can you believe that!?
Bread and bloody fucking circuses. That's what it is. Do they think my trial is some sort of show for their amusement? An excuse to take a week off for a holiday?
Everyone disgusts me right now.
EVERYONE.
Including the boss. Especially the boss - the lying, secretive, deceitful snake that he is.
I feel like Kabuto, Gai and Lee are my only friends.
Wow... That's depressing. I think I'm going to go lie down and dope myself up on Sominex. Got to get some sleep. The flight leaves early in the morning. The boss's private jet will be the means of transport, as we don't want the attention from the press which will inevitably be garnered on a chartered flight.
November 21st
Just about to leave. Almost slept in because I deliberately overdosed on the Sominex and it turned out to be a little too effective. Itachi had to resort to the old Pint Glass o' Water Over the Head trick. Needless to say, I was a little grumpy when I woke up.
Only had time for a piece of toast. Once again, I sneezed and crumbs sprayed all over my keyboard. In my experience, toast-sneezing is a prelude to disaster.
I think I'm going to be sick...
LATER: I am curled up in my bed in my usual room at the hotel. Alone. Everyone else except the boss, Kabuto, Itachi, Gai and Lee is away out to get rat-arsed at Club Fun Fun. No one asked me to come along because... well... I'm feeling a little touchy right now. I had an altercation with the boss and one with Itachi at the airport and I think the others were a little freaked out by my intensity (and probably a shade shocked at how cheeky I was to the boss).
The plane touched down at Konoha airport at 6:24am and, tired and nervous. I sat next to Kabuto the whole way. Approaching the terminal, I fell into step beside the boss and Itachi, dragging my luggage dolefully behind me, and as soon as we stepped foot inside, an army of photographers surrounded us, snapping away. I was almost deafened by the raucous cries of the ruthless, media vultures. "Uchiha-san! Uchiha-san!" they bellowed. "Sasuke! Oi, Sasuke! SASUKE! Any comments, eh? Eh? EH?!!!"
Gritting my teeth, I pushed through the ranks with a little more force than was strictly necessary.
"That's right, Sasuke-kun. Keep on walking, maintain your composure and hold your head high," I heard the boss murmur into my ear.
The boss was only trying to be helpful, I realise now, but at the time, the memory of Kabuto's little nugget of information still stung, and I snapped in reply, "Of course. You know all about that, don't you?"
"What? Sasuke-kun, I am merely—" the boss began before I stopped short and whipped round squarely to face him.
"Shut up, okay?" I hissed. "Just shut up. I don't want to hear what you've got to say. I don't want to hear your voice right now, so just shut up!"
Now, I have never deliberately goaded the boss before. Yes, there have been occasions where gentle teasing was in order, or a quick, witty comeback - but I have never set out to intentionally raise his hackles, since he has a notorious and rather spectacular temper.
As soon as the words left my mouth, the boss also halted abruptly, almost causing Karin to run right into the back of him. His jaw had went rigid and he was glaring at me with such cold ferocity that, had I not been so incredibly angry myself, would have probably had me melting into a puddle of amorphous, quivering goo at his feet.
"What did you say to me?" he whispered in a dangerous tone.
"What? Didn't you hear me?" I said with a scornful laugh. "I told you to shut up."
An ominous silence fell, broken only by the frantic snap, snap, snapping of the photographers. Then...
"Don't you DARE tell me to shut up!" he hissed, taking a step towards me.
And that was it. All hell had broken loose. The paparazzi were having a field day, loving every minute of the spectacle I had provided them. Suigetsu, Karin, Amachi and Gen'yumaru looked on, open-mouthed, in horror. Then Itachi felt it prudent to stick his nose in and make everything ten times worse.
"Sasuke," he said in that infinitely bored, condescending and admonitory tone of his, "Orochimaru is your employer. I do not feel it acceptable that you address him in such a manner."
This was a mistake. Rather than diffusing the situation, it only served to set me off.
"Just shut your fucking mouth, Itachi, for once!" I snarled, turning on him next. "This is nothing to do with you! Nothing! Butt the hell out of my conversation—"
"Hah! Some conversation - if conversation amounts to insulting your superior," the boss hissed, taking another step towards me, drawing himself up to his full height.
"Sasuke, I would strongly advise—"
"The next time you speak to me in such a way"
"You will jeopardise your—"
"Sasuke-kun, don't you dare ignore me—"
Then, something inside me snapped. I exploded in a writhing ball of rage and stress, and threw a strop worthy of the boss himself.
"Do you know what?" I yelled, throwing my hands in the air, turning and striding away from both of them, "Both of you can go fuck yourselves! Yep. That's right! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK YOURSELVES! With an iron bar. Wouldn't that be nice? And you can cram your advice up your big, fat arses while you're at it!"
I stormed ahead, leaving a shocked silence in my wake, and was first to reach the line of waiting uniform, black sedans outside. The driver deposited my luggage in the trunk and I threw myself in the car and slammed the door shut. When the driver asked when Orochimaru-sama would be arriving, I lied and said that he told me to get in the first car to get away from the press. The driver bought it and we sped away to the hotel.
Blessedly, there were no paparazzi lying in wait outside and I managed to slip in unnoticed. I checked-in, collected my keycard (the one blessing is that I am not sharing with Itachi - thank god) and headed straight for my room.
Ten minutes later came the inevitable knock on my door. I rigorously attempted to ignore the offending disturber of my peace, but my phone started ringing and the knocks became increasingly louder until I could take it no more. Extremely irritated, I wrenched the door open to find the boss standing there with his phone to his ear, wearing a similarly disgruntled expression.
"Sasuke-kun," he said. "I will speak with you. Now."
I rolled my eyes and strode into the seating area. The boss followed me in and we sat down, taking a sofa each, as far apart from each other as possible.
"I know you are a little on edge right now," he said, fixing me with a stern gaze, "but you will not take your frustration out on me in such a way again. Do you understand me?"
Yes, I understood him. Yes, I knew what I had done wrong. Yes, he is stiflingly authoritarian and is extraordinarily jealous of his authority and will not tolerate outright insubordination - even from me - but images of that Konoha Times photo kept shifting themselves to the forefront of my mind. Propriety could go fuck itself as well, I decided, and I ended up interrogating the boss.
"Oh, I understand," I said, with a false, manically cheery smile. "But do you want to know why I did it? There's an extra special reason, you know..."
The boss stared at me impatiently for a moment, then said, "Very well. Enlighten me."
I pulled no punches.
"I know about that scandal with you and that Mitarashi bitch from prosecution," I answered coldly. "I saw the picture. One hand down her bra, having a fondle... You were practically shagging!"
The boss stiffened and went quiet. I had hit my mark.
"Not only that, but she has some sort of vendetta against you, and, because I am your new PA, she appears to be going all-out to bring me down just so she can get one over on you! Am I right?"
A long silence followed before the boss answered. He said, quietly, "Who told you this?"
As I was feeling charitable to Kabuto, I decided not to drop him in it. Instead, I told the boss I had done a few background checks on the opposition on the net. This was half-true. I had went looking for myself. The pictures weren't hard to find. The boss sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Anko was a mistake," he said. "Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes I have yet made as regards romantic relationships. Quite possibly because I underestimated the intensity of her feelings towards me. I did not care for her."
"And when were you planning on telling me this?" I asked, unrelenting, even though my stomach had done a little flip-flop when he said he had never cared for the mad, psycho-bitch from hell. "During the conjugal visit?"
The boss smiled a little at that last quip. He caught my eye and I smiled too. The tension abated a little, and I sighed deeply and ran a hand through my hair. It really was a ridiculous image. Far too hilarious for use during the interrogation of one's significant other when one should seek to maintain a vague, threatning atmosphere of hostility. The boss rose from his seat and closed the distance between us, sitting down next to me and snaking his arm around my waist, pulling me into a cuddle. I melted instantly.
Note to self: must make more of an effort in future to resist the boss's cuddles. He has far too much power over me in this regard.
The boss kissed the top of my head and said, "Well, seeing as you went to the trouble to come visit me in my cell, I feel it is only fitting."
I smiled wryly and gave him a warning squeeze. "No jokes about me going to prison, please," I said. "I'm terrified about tomorrow."
"There is no need for you to be, Sasuke-kun," he replied matter-of-factly. "This case will be thrown out of court. I will make sure of it."
"Just like last time then?" I said casually, not expecting the boss to lean over and startle me with a lingering kiss.
"Not quite, Sasuke-kun," he said, when he pulled back, smiling slightly. "For I will ensure that this time she will not drag anyone else's reputation down with her."
I smiled and gave him an affectionate squeeze (there are several different sorts of squeezes in my repertoire, you may be interested to know) and spent a blessed fifteen minutes just sitting there with the boss on the sofa. When Itachi texted me, asking whether I had reached the hotel safely, asking me to meet him in the lobby, the boss went back to his room.
I didn't much feel like going downstairs, so Itachi came to the room instead. I apologised for yelling at him and he shrugged and said it was perfectly understandable. He didn't stay for long after we made up because I said I just wanted to be on my own and sleep for a bit. He accepted my excuse (mainly because he had missed calls from Deidara, Kisame and Kakuzu and more than likely wanted to know what they wanted) and told me to call him if I needed anything.
After Itachi left, I went to unpack. Passing by the sofa in the lounge, I spotted a little white corner of paper poking out between two cushions that was not there when I came in. Curious, I plucked it from its position and unfolded it. It was a note from the boss. It said:
"I would wish you luck for tomorrow, Sasuke-kun, but you do not need it. In my eyes, you have already won this case, and you have an absolutely flawless defence. By tomorrow afternoon, all this will be a mere memory; as a dream it will pass away. Ensure you rest properly, as you will want to look your best. Try not to worry.
All my love,
Oro.
x"
I have no idea when he slipped it in there, and as I read it, I realised that the boss had never actually answered my question about whether he was going to tell me about Anko at all - but, at that point, it didn't really matter. I wanted to dash along the corridor, hammer on his door and give him the biggest, most grateful squeeze of his life. But I couldn't, as it was very likely Itachi would be on patrol. Instead, I have decided to slip the boss's note under my pillow and go to bed.
How pathetic am I?
Though... I bet Mitarashi never got any love notes.
Hah.
Bitch be messin'?
Then bring it. You do not fuck with an Uchiha and get away with it.
I've made up my mind now. I am going to own all over this trial.
Mitarashi, you are so going down...
Guys, I'm definitely with you on the Kabuto thing. It's still boggling my mind a shade. He really has gone psycho. I'm in two minds about it: either Kishi is going to use him as a way to bring back Oro (the spiritual essence in Sasuke somehow coming into contact with the vessel (Kabuto), which, being rigorously upgraded with parts of his body, should be a perfect alternative container) or Kabuto really intends to surpass his master and be Oro the Second - without bringing the Oro the First back. Rar. I wants next chapter!
But yes. No more talk about Kabuto. I have some thanking to do. Oh yes...
Muchos thanks go out to the following awesome individuals for leaving reviews for the last chapter: qertumz (yeah, I feel a bit sorry for old Kabz. I suspect that if Oro ever did resurface, it'd be a bit of a wtf? moment for him as soon as he clapped eyes on his minion's face. "You did that, why, Kabuto?" "I love you." "Really? Oh dear. Yes, well..." Pause. "Can I have my eye back?" "I love you." "No. Do you know what? It's alright. You can keep it. Just keep the eye." "I love you." "Please get away from me, Kabuto. Get away... Kabuto? Nooooooo!!") Simple-Minded Idiot (Yup. Good eye. You're right that Sasuke doesn't like natto or sweets - I think in the anime it's episode 81 he says it. One of the guide books also says that Itachi's favourite food is green and red dango - so basically, he decided to have something he liked even though Sasuke's not a big fan. And yeah, he's definitely less mischievous and more into torture for the hell of it. The Uchihas are lovely little tykes, aren't they?) fiore777 (let it be known that I love your Oro smitten by his first ever, ickle-white snake summons drawing to bits. It's the snake's cute, little head and little Oro's huge smile that gets me every time. Believe it or not, Jiraiya's text spelling was inspired by real life. Text predictor can be so amusing sometimes...), ChibiKeimei (Yes! I, too, would have smashed Itachi's face in. He is such a subtle manipulator... I agree. Sasuke's reaction was so teenage-girl. Never realised that at the time, but lol, just lol!), danni quinn (hey, that's no bother. I'm just happy that anyone is still reading this at all. - Hope your brother had a good birthday ( it seems like he did, lol) OOH.look.A.Giant.Hippy (Hee... cheers for the compliments. That you're up and on the net at 3:00 in the morning merely demonstrates the fact that you are hardcore. You should keep those who are not in the know out and assume an aura of mystery and intrigue!), Raspedra Twilight (Yes, Sasuke is such a flighty, spoiled little brat and he always seems to come out of everything squeaky clean. Not for long, though. And Oro and Itachi? I'm saying nothing), Riana1 (I didn't mean to do it, honestly! Though that is about the best compliment I could ever have. I love it when I accidentally convert people. Whatever you do, don't go reading one of those badly-written OroSasu rape fics. That'll just go spoil everything. -), Alix (I love you, I really do. You've so cottoned on to exactly how I imagined that Shisui torture scene. The Uchiha brothers were every other kid's nightmare. Butter wouldn't melt? Would it hell! I must say, though, he didn't know Oro was in the towel cupboard, but he planned everything else out to the finest detail - so much so that he didn't even trust his ickle brother fully after the promise, necessitating a quick visit to his room to check. And Kabuto? Totally agree. It's still a bit wtf. And I'm a bit of a Deidara fan, so I'll be a tad miffed if he doesn't give Sasuke a run for his money at least), U. Scheherazade (I have uploaded! Hope you liked it. Nice name, too. I like Scheherazade, and I like Arabian Nights -), ArilianaFireQueen (Clearly, Itachi's Supreme Evil Ownage Jutsu has affected you. You must find a way to make your siblings addicted to the GameCube so you may browse the net whenever you wish. Either that, or bind and gag them. Both means are effective as solutions. Good luck with Chemistry! -), foreverloved (you have totally picked up on the thing that made me snigger most when I wrote fourteen. Just the thought of it... Oh, what I wouldn't give to see Kishi write something like that. XD Glad you liked the chapter), and CloodSama (Yup. That's pretty much my reaction - and, I think, that of Naruto and co. as well. As for Itachi and Oro? Hmmm... I am saying nothing. Glad the ol' fic puts a smile on your face. That's all I really set out to do, anyway, when I first wrote this. Didn't even go for laughs. Just a few smiles, so thanks for the review. Tis appreciated! -).
Next chapter: The Trial. All hell breaks loose.