A Day in the Life

AN: Don't usually do this, but when hieilover135 mentioned that the 27th was Lee's birthday, I simply had to fit it into the plan somewhere...

November 27th

Got a text from Naruto a few minutes ago. It's Lee's birthday today and I have an invite to his board games party. I am supposed to be leaving for Otogakure in a few hours, but Jiraiya is apparently attending and the boss wants to go along and argue with him and spoil the night. Well, he didn't say that, but I know that's exactly what he intends to do. I have a few spare minutes to type up today's goings-on before I should get ready to head over to Lee's.

Breakfast with the boss was an interesting and fairly productive affair.

I woke up this morning on the right hand side of Kabuto's extraordinarily comfortable super king-size bed feeling optimistic and minus any sort of hangover. The reason for my waking state of serenity, however, was probably due to my drooling all the toxins out onto the pillow. It really was quite damp. (Mental note: Must learn to sleep with mouth closed.) I had a quick shifty to see whether Kabuto was awake. Fortunately, he wasn't (he was on his side facing away from me, snoring gently) and I surreptitiously turned the pillow over and went to have a shower and get dressed.

Imagine my surprise when I emerged from the shower, be-towelled and smelling of jasmine, and realised that I had not brought any appropriate clothing with me in my hastily packed bag from last night. I dug around for a while and found only a few t-shirts, a musty pair of jeans, a random pair of suit trousers (why?) and underwear.

I had a dilemma. The restaurant would most certainly not permit me to enter dressed in a blue retro-ringer t-shirt reading "I SHAKE BABIES" (my favourite shirt, a birthday gift from Kakashi) and a pair of boxers. Neither, however, could I risk not turning up...

I went into the sitting area and sat down on the sofa in order to ponder upon my dilemma, turning the key card to the boss's room over in my hands. I needed clothing, that much was certain - and it became apparent that the only way I could get my hands on some was to sneak into the boss's room, rake around in the walk-in wardrobe without waking him, take the first of my kimono that came to hand, and sneak out again.

Easy, right?

At 7:42am, I made my decision. Wedging a rolled-up pair of socks between the door and the doorframe of Kabuto's room so I could be sure I could get back in, I stole along the corridor and swiped the key card as quietly as possible. With barely a click of the lock, I was in. The place was in darkness as the curtains were still drawn, and I had to fumble my way over to the bedroom. My shins remained mercifully unscathed and free from any contact with hard edges of tables and chairs.

Eventually, I reached the bedroom. I pressed my ear to the door to see whether I could discern any noises that might have been associated with a waking Orochimaru. I found none, and so, with stealth, I opened the door a crack and peered through. I could see the boss clearly. Bathed in the light of a mid-winter's moon, he lay tangled in the sheets (having flailed himself out during the night, no doubt), tendrils of hair obscuring his face. I allowed myself a small, fuzzy moment of warmth and watched him sleeping, trying very hard to restrain the urge to vault onto the bed and start tickling him until he woke up, before resuming the mission at hand.

Now, I must confess that multi-tasking is one of my lesser-developed skills, and it is precisely because of my lamentable performance in this area that I found it difficult to both keep an eye on the boss and watch where I was going. Thus, just as I was about to reach the walk-in wardrobe, I tripped over my Louis Vuitton holdall and fell to the floor with a loud thump (my own fault, since the boss told me to put it under the bed a few days ago, saying that I'd end up tripping over it. I scoffed at his warnings.)

I lay still for a minute, cringing in the dark. When I was sure the boss hadn't heard me, I struggled to my feet. As I passed over the threshold of the wardrobe, however, I heard a soft rustle and a moment later, I squeaked in surprise as I felt the boss's arms snake around my waist.

"I told you that you would trip over that holdall, Sasuke-kun," he said, whispering into my ear. "Though what, I wonder, might you be doing here sneaking around at such a silly time in the morning?"

I'm not quite sure what possessed me - perhaps a fit of the sillies - because I decided to be utterly brazen and replied, ever-so-casually, "You're dreaming. I came in to wake you up because you're late for breakfast. Sasuke has been down there waiting for you for the past fifteen minutes, and he's quite impatient."

Then, I pulled of a master-stroke, by reaching back and twisting a strand of the boss's hair between my fingers. He made a low noise in his throat that sounded rather like "mrowwwl". Again, it has to be said: he wants me. No matter what I do, no matter what chaos I cause, he will always, always forgive me. Why? Because I am sexy, and because I am an Uchiha[that's why.

"And why should I want to wake up?" the boss murmured into my ear, spinning me round to face him and dragging me towards the bed with a predatory smile playing around the corners of his mouth. "This seems like such a good dream, after all. Mayhap Sasuke-kun will forgive me for keeping him waiting for just a little while longer..."

Needless to say, filthery ensued. Quite possibly the most intense bout of filthery since the initial night of the ill-fated dirty weekend. My measure of comparison? We cracked a few of the wooden beams on the bottom of the bed. I think the boss would have kept me there all day, had I not stopped him with a cheeky kiss, saying, "Now, now, that's not fair on Sasuke-kun. You wouldn't want to keep him waiting, would you?"

The boss pouted and made an attempt to coax me back into bed, but I was adamant...

"I have to go," I said, pulling away and laying hold of a kimono plus parts that I had left draped over a chair, "but if you're lucky, you might see me again downstairs."

"Very well then," the boss said wryly, reclining upon the sheets and stretching like a contented cat. "Give Sasuke-kun my love when you see him."

I said that I would think about it and then left the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind me. For a while, I just stood there, starry-eyed and swaying slightly from side to side. Then I grinned as I realised that, thanks to my Superior Seduction Skillz, negotiating over Christmas arrangements would be a hell of a lot easier.

This was proven correct as I skipped down to the restaurant at 9:00am sharp, dressed in appropriate clothing, to greet the boss. He was already there, and when he looked up and spotted me, he smiled slightly and indicated by way of gesture that I take the seat across from him. Once comfortably ensconced in my chair, I attempted to up the seduction factor by way of indulging in a spot of footsie, but the boss smiled wryly and said "Don't push it, Sasuke-kun."

I grinned and ceased my harlotry. The boss winked at me, which indicated that while he was not against footsie as a rule, now was not the appropriate time, as we had serious matters to discuss. He leaned forward, placing his hands on the table, and said: "I have decided, Sasuke-kun. I will spend Christmas with you, and you will attend the small gathering at my home in Otogakure—"

I opened my mouth to interrupt and remind him of the whole Itachi issue, which he seemed to have forgot, but he held up a hand said, before I could get a word in, "Listen to me, Sasuke, and don't interrupt. That's very rude, you know."

Rolling my eyes, I sat back and let the boss hit me with his version of our Christmas arrangements. "As I was saying," he began, fixing me with a stern gaze, "we will spend Christmas together in Otogakure, AND - if you wish - you may invite Itachi and Kisame to join us in our festive celebrations."

As I lapsed into a stunned, momentary silence, the boss observed me with amusement in his eyes. He then voiced those very thoughts which had caused the aforementioned stunned silence.

"Why, Sasuke-kun," he said, faking astonishment, "you seem surprised that I would willingly invite your homicidal brother into my home!"

"He's not homicidal," I muttered. Then I thought about it and qualified my statement slightly. "Well... not really."

"Did I not say that I truly do not give a toss about Itachi?" the boss said, picking a grape and popping it into his mouth.

I replied that, yes, I did remember him saying something along those lines.

"Well, I meant every word of it," he said frankly, leaning forward and feeding me a grape. "I can take care of myself, Sasuke-kun. I'm sure I can handle the presence of your delightful brother for a week or so."

"Yes... but," I said through a mouthful of delicious, juicy grape, "it might be a bit awkward with just the four of us."

"I have that covered," the boss replied. "We have our own Christmas tradition, you see..."

"We?" I said, raising an eyebrow, a shade pissed off that the boss had decided to keep this from me, considering all the trouble I'd gone through trying to get Itachi onto the guest list. "Who's we?"

It turned out that 'we' consisted of Jiraiya, Tsunade, Mr and Mrs Sarutobi and Kabuto. Those guests were perfectly acceptable and I informed the boss of my opinion. From experience, I know I can get along perfectly well with Jiraiya, Tsunade and Kabuto. I've never met Mr and Mrs Sarutobi, but I'm sure they'll be fine. We can just sit them in front of the box with a blanket and a crossword puzzle book after dinner and they'll be out like a light. Low-maintenance geriatrics. Just how I like it.

Thus, the preliminary guest list was established. All I had to do then was return to the room, hook up my laptop and write a reply to Itachi.

It's a lot harder than I thought. I still haven't sent any of the draft e-mails I typed up, though I have narrowed them down to a shortlist of three:

Version 1 (keeping it light and informal to make it seem like I don't think it's a big deal)

Hi, Itachi!

Glad to hear you made it back safely. Really. I was worried about you.

I'd be more than happy to have both you and Kisame over for Christmas. You might have to put up with Orochimaru, though, as he has expressed a wish to spend time with me over the festive period. Jiraiya, Tsunade, Mr and Mrs Sarutobi and Kabuto will be there too.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Oto-chan.

xxx

Version 2 (I know you don't approve, but I will not compromise on the matter)

Itachi,

I am glad to hear you made it back safely to River Country. I hope everyone else is well.

I know that you may not like what I am about to suggest, but I have decided that I wish to spend Christmas with not only you, but Orochimaru. My affection for him is genuine and that is something you will simply have to put up with. He has graciously agreed to invite both you and Kisame to his home for my sake, as I would sincerely like to spend my Christmas with you as we always have done since we were children.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Sasuke.

Version 3 (a mixture of the above, with more emphasis on the fact that I'm going out of my way to please Itachi)

Hi, Itachi!

Glad to hear you made it back safely. Really. I was worried about you.

I'd be more than happy to have both you and Kisame over for Christmas. You might have to put up with Orochimaru, though, as he has expressed a wish to spend time with me over the festive period.

Now, I know you won't like that, but hear me out. Orochimaru asked me last night if I wished to spend Christmas with him. I thought long and hard about it, and I decided that, yes, I would very much like to, as my affection for him is genuine, however much you would like to pretend otherwise. I also want to spend it with you, Itachi, and because of that I have managed to convince Orochimaru to invite both you and Kisame to stay at his home in Otogakure over Christmas.

If that is not to your liking, then I won't be offended. Honestly. You are free to come and go and do as you please. You'll always be my beloved big brother, after all, so you'll still get your Christmas card and a huge present!

Love,

Sasuke.

I'm thinking of going for the third one. It has enough formality to keep my stoic and proper brother happy, yet it possesses a touch of light-heartedness to maintain the facade behind which I intend to hide and pretend that everything is hunky-dory and that he doesn't want to kill my boyfriend.

Wait... did I just write that?

Boyfriend.

Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend.

Holy hell.

The boss... is my boyfriend, and it has only just occurred to me.

If that is the case, then what the hell has he been to me up until now? Someone with whom I have sex on a regular basis? A casual "yeah, we're just sort of seeing one another" relationship? Maybe it's the age thing. I mean, he is quite a bit older than me. Perhaps I have somehow managed to convince myself that all the boss wants is a toyboy to have a bit of fun with. Maybe that's still the case. But if that's true, then why all the previous drama? I seriously don't think he would put up with all the crap solely because of my supreme sexiness. And this morning, did he not say "Give Sasuke-kun my love"?

Gah... My poor, beleaguered mind is a-whirl with a dizzying collection of conflicting thoughts and emotions! But now that I think about it, we've definitely been acting like a couple - even before we went public. I'm guessing the day I brought round chicken soup was the defining moment on that front. And with all the arguments we've been having lately, both public and private...

I can see him right now from where I'm sitting. The boss, I mean. He's on the other side of the room reading one of his big, non-fiction books on the single-seater couch with his legs crossed and a glass of red wine in hand. I am typing away on my laptop, content to answer e-mails and dick about on the internet. The fact that we are now sitting in the same room together in a companionable silence, happy to let each other get on with whatever makes us tick, is most definitely the deciding factor.

Once I start receiving cards and invitations written out to "Orochimaru and Sasuke", I shall know that I have spiralled down the slippery slope into the realm of couple-dom.

As long as the sex is still good, to be honest, I don't think I'll be caring that much...

November 28th

I'm on the flight back to Otogakure on the boss's private jet. Jiraiya and Kiku are with us.

Yes, I know. I am about to explain. Forgive me, for it might take some time...

The boss and I arrived at Lee's in style, pulling up at the driveway in the black Rolls at bang on seven thirty. His house is a lovely sandstone affair on a private road in the suburbs of Kohona, surrounded by trees, parks and wholesome country air. Apparently, the boss grew up in one of the big houses just down the road from Lee's - the ones with the big, white automatic gates, guard dogs and fountains in the front garden. I think I realise now why he is such a spoiled brat.

Before we had even approached the front door, Lee emerged, all smiles with a dish towel draped over his arm and said, "Orochimaru-sama! Sasuke! How nice of you to come! Do come in, do come in!

We expressed our thanks at having been invited and then Lee hurried us inside, chattering away excitedly. "Now, there are a few people here already through in the living room," he said, ticking off an imaginary list on his fingers, "they're about to have a game of giant jenga, I believe, so if you hurry you can catch them! The bathrooms are on this floor - that's the first on your right there next to the cloakroom - and there are two upstairs. The kitchen is just through here and you can fix yourself a drink if you like, there's lots to choose from, and the food is all laid out on the table, so help yourselves— Oh! There's the doorbell - that must be Kakashi! Just head on through and I'll be there in a jiffy!"

As Lee shot off to answer the front door, kicking up sparks of enthusiasm in his wake, I looked at the boss with trepidation. From the living room, I could hear the sound of an argument. Not a big argument, but one that murmured of hysterics to come. The boss, however, did not look at all perturbed - seeing as he loves a good scrap - and he took me by the arm and propelled me inside.

We had clearly interrupted a heated exchange between Jiraiya and Tsunade regarding how best to assemble the giant jenga tower. Tsunade was standing across from Jiraiya, waving the instructions in his face and pointing to a diagram, and Jiraiya was looking decidedly disgruntled. Naruto was there, holding two jenga blocks under each arm, and Sakura was kneeling on the floor, biting her nails. Kiku was perched on the futon with a glass of punch, sucking it through a pink straw and Gai, Neji and Tenten were also in attendance, the three of them sitting on the sofa, appearing content to wait out the storm. As usual, Naruto spotted me first and he ululated wildly and came gambolling over towards me with his jenga blocks in tow. He appeared a little puzzled about what to do when he realised he had no free arms with which to envelop me in a rib-bruising hug, but he soon decided to just drop the blocks and suffocate me.

"Sasukeeeeeeee..." he mewed happily, burying his head in my shoulder and shaking it back and forth until the boss coughed a polite but ominous cough that said, "my property - hands off you sexually threatening, nubile young blonde."

Naruto took a step back and giggled sheepishly. "Hee hee, sorry about that," he said, scratching the back of his head. "I keep forgetting."

Before the boss could say anything in reply, however, Jiraiya's voice came soaring over our heads.

"Hey, Oro! Stop chatting up the kids and tell her," he said irritatedly, pointing a finger at Tsunade, "how to set this thing up."

The boss rolled his eyes and went over to play damage control. Eventually, matters were resolved and everyone was split into teams. I was in "Team Oro" with Neji and the boss. Team Jiraiya consisted of Jiraiya (obviously) Naruto and Kiku. Team Tsunade was comprised of the rest of the girls and Gai, Kakashi and Lee made Team Gai (much to Kakashi's disgust). Lee organised a tournament. The prize for winning said tournament? Automatic dibs on Mayfair when the Monopoly was brought out. At this, the boss's eyes went wide with apprehension and he gripped my arm and hissed in my ear, "Sasuke-kun, we have to win this. I always get Mayfair when I play Monopoly..." I agreed wholeheartedly with him because I am a competitive sort (and I'm used to fighting and falling out with Itachi over that particular square on the board).

Fortunately for us, we were teamed with Neji. He, too, is ridiculously competitive and agreed that it was "do or die". Thus it fell that, one by one, we slew the opposition until the coveted Mayfair property was in our hands. Jiraiya's team were the first to fall in front of our mighty onslaught, as Kiku tripped over her flip-flops and went head first into the tower, ensuring our victory. We cheered. Jiraiya scowled. Tsunade's lot perished next, as at the end of a very tense match, the dangerously swaying tower was finally toppled by an accidental bump from Tsunade's ridiculously huge knockers. Again, we cheered. Sakura punched me in the arm. We had a bit more trouble from Team Gai, but the crisis was averted by Neji, who stuck out his foot and kicked the back of Kakashi's knees at an opportune moment. His hand slipped, the tower tumbled... and a fight broke out.

Kakashi accused Neji of cheating - something which Neji flatly denied - and he asked for a rematch. The boss, needless to say, did not agree with this and he took Neji's side. Gai and Lee were quite happy to let things slide and reward Team Oro the Mayfair property, but this only seemed to make Kakashi angrier. So Kakashi started having a go at them, too, and Jiraiya ended up taking his side. Once that happened, old grudges began to resurface (I believe a salient bone of contention was a particularly ferocious game of Trivial Pursuit ten years ago where alleged cheating had also been an issue).

Things descended into a shouting match pretty quickly after that.

Now, I hate shouting matches and I hate fuss (well... unless I'm yelling my lungs out at the boss, that's just par for the course) and I rolled my eyes in disgust and headed for the kitchen to hide out and fix myself a stiff drink. On the way there, however, the doorbell rang. I dithered for a moment, wondering whether I should answer the door for Lee, but I quickly came to a decision when I heard Jiraiya roaring, "Don't you dare bring her into this, Tsunade!" Sighing, I walked down the hallway and opened the door.

I blinked owlishly and said, "Errr... can I help you?" at the sight of Teuchi-san from Ichiraku Ramen still dressed in his chef's whites.

"Oh hello, Sasuke-kun," he said, seeming just as surprised to see me here as I was him, "is my daughter there, do you know?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Ayame?" I said, voicing my thoughts. "No, I think you might have the wrong house, Teuchi-san..."

"Ha ha ha ha ha. No, Sasuke-kun," he said, looking strangely grave. "I mean my youngest daughter, Kiku. She told me she was going to the Straight Edge Club, but she forgot her members', card and when I drove around to the clubhouse to give it to her, she wasn't there. I've asked around and apparently she's here." He grinned and then added, "I'm guessing this is some sort of Straight Edge party you kids have got going on here, eh?"

Since I am an accomplished and consummate liar, I knew immediately that Kiku had told her dad a whopper in order to attend Lee's party with her much, much older boyfriend. Furthermore, I assumed that she had also been using the Straight Edge Club as a ruse to meet with her much, much older boyfriend on a regular basis. Therefore, in order to avert any further incident, I decided to play along.

"Oh yes," I said, laughing and playing the sheepish "D'oh! You got me!" card. "Yes, Maito-san and Lee-san are both here. It shouldn't be going on for much longer, Teuchi-san. We'll make sure Kiku gets home safely."

"Well, that's okay then," Teuchi said, smiling broadly. "As long as I know she's safe and not up to mischief with any boys. Funny though... I'd have never pegged you as a Straight Edger, seeing as you've taken up with that Orochimaru fellow."

That Orochimaru fellow.

My hackles rose instantly.

How dare he assume that I am of lesser moral fibre just because I'm seeing a vain pervert three times my age with more money than he knows what to do with? How dare he hop on his moral high horse when his bubblegum princess daughter has been banging the biggest hetero pervert of them all for the past month or so? I really felt like telling him at that point but I took a deep breath, restrained myself and turned on my snooty, Uchiha attitude.

With a false smile, I replied smoothly, "Orochimaru has just donated a rather large sum of money to the Straight Edge charity group, the amount of which I would rather not disclose. He is in attendance tonight, along with several other high-profile supporters of the group, and in order to avoid any attention from the media, we have elected to keep the proceedings as informal as possible. I would appreciate it, therefore, if you refrained from disclosing our location..."

For the briefest of moments, it was all going swimmingly. My flawless fibbing combined with my arrogant, snooty Uchiha attitude had Teuchi-san falling for it hook, line and sinker. Kiku was almost home and dry, and carnage was almost prevented.

Everything would have gone off without a hitch - had the boss not chosen at that precise moment to come charging into the hallway in a strop...

"We're leaving, Sasuke-kun!" he shouted, spotting me at the door talking to Teuchi-san. "Jiraiya has gone utterly mad! His little whore, Kiku, has him firmly under her thumb! He threw a Jenga brick at my face, Sasuke-kun! At my face!"

He came to a halt beside me and appeared puzzled by the fact that I was staring, not at him, but at Teuchi-san, with one hand clapped over my mouth in horror. The looked from me to Teuchi-san. Then he observed the ramen stall owner down his nose and said superciliously, "Can I help you?"

Fire blazed in Teuchi-san's eyes, I swear to god. I was quite terrified.

Without so much as a word, Teuchi-san shoved the boss roughly out of his way and stormed down the hall towards the living room. I yelped and followed after him, reaching the Lee's living room just in time to see the whole, sordid drama unfold.

I shall now describe to you what Teuchi-san's eyes beheld in that sorry moment.

Things seemed to have calmed down to a dull roar: Lee and Gai were observing events from afar, sadly shaking their heads in a sage-like manner; Neji was comforting a weeping TenTen ("H-He said 'shut up, Chun-Li', and h-he meant it!"), Kakashi was glaring daggers at Neji; Naruto was standing in the middle of it all, looking faintly bemused by the whole affair; Sakura and Tsunade were glaring daggers at Jiraiya, who was sitting on the sofa with Kiku's face cupped in his hands. He murmured something in her ear and then Kiku nodded, smiled and kissed him.

I think the kiss may have pushed Teuchi-san over the edge, as his breathing became considerably heavier and his fists began to clench and unclench. I felt the boss draw up behind me, and I knew that he had realised something horrendous was about to go down in the house of Lee and that it would be best not to aggravate the already seething stall-owner.

And there was nothing I could do. Someone was going to be beaten to a bloody pulp, and it was most likely going to be Jiraiya. The way Teuchi-san was acting, he could seriously give Itachi a run for his money in the overprotective stakes...

"KIKUUUUU!!" Teuchi-san roared, announcing his fatherly presence to the assembled occupants of the living room in spectacular manner. "GET AWAY FROM THAT... THAT... THAT... MAN!! NOW!!"

Now, all credit from here on in goes to Kiku. I am ashamed to have ever doubted the sincerity of her intentions towards Jiraiya. The boss, I believe, is still coming to terms with this most shocking of revelations, as is Tsunade. He's finding it a little hard, but he'll get over it in time, I'm sure. Hopefully by Christmas at the latest, because it's looking like Kiku will be attending along with Jiraiya...

Anyway, when her father made his grand, furious entrance, Kiku looked up instantly. Her face went pale, but she set her jaw defiantly and placed her hand over Jiraiya's.

"Daddy, I'm not going," she said, her voice wavering slightly.

Teuchi-san almost had a seizure.

"Not... NOT GOING!?" he spat, his arms flailing wildly. "YOU ARE GOING! YOU ARE COMING WITH ME, RIGHT NOW! HE IS FAR TOO OLD FOR YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME?"

Then, as if it couldn't get any worse, Jiraiya had to open his big mouth and play the hero.

"She doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to," he said gravely, standing up and stretching himself to his full, and rather imposing, height. "She is sixteen. You're not the boss of her."

I cringed and closed my eyes as Teuchi swung his fist, and opened them just in time to see both men go topping over the coffee-table and onto the floor with an almighty crash as glasses and china plates slid to the ground along with the tablecloth. Instantly, people began to shout and attempts were made by Gai and Naruto to separate the two men. Kiku was crying and screaming at them to stop. Most surprising, however, was the boss's reaction when Teuchi-san managed to get Jiraiya into a sleeper hold. I swear there was a blur beside me, and the next minute, the boss had leapt into the fray, making a fairly decent attempt at strangling his best friend's girlfriend's father.

By this time, Kiku was hysterical, screaming, "No, please! That's my dad! That's my dad! No, don't hurt Jiraiya, please, daddy, I love him!" and things were really beginning to get nasty. I had to think of something. I had to stop this from getting out of hand...

In a fit of madness, I sprinted into the kitchen, my eyes darting from left to right, searching for something I could use as a weapon. My gaze fell first upon a large bag of frozen prawns, and I snatched them up and dashed back to the living room, arriving just in time to see Teuchi-san plant a blistering right-hook onto the boss's face.

Now... I am ashamed to admit this, but at that point, I saw red. A fit of protectiveness overcame me and I felt myself roaring lustily and rushing towards Teuchi-san. For a moment, I fancy that he looked a shade puzzled to see an irate office worker lunging at him with a bag of frozen prawns in hand, before I knocked him over the head with them and he fell to the floor, out cold.

Everyone gasped and I stood there for a moment, swaying slightly from side to side before the seriousness of what I had just done began to sink in.

"Holy shit," I croaked, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. "I've killed him. I've fucking killed him!"

Kiku choked back a sob and sank to the floor. Jiraiya wrapped an arm around her. The boss stood up and wiped the blood from his lip (if I wasn't so freaked out at the time, it would have been such a turn-on). Then he observed the prostrate Teuchi-san and said, smiling slightly, "He's still breathing. You knocked him out, Sasuke-kun. Well done..."

Tsunade leaned over to give a second, professional opinion, and it was decided, that, yes, I had only knocked him out. Relief flooded every fibre of my being, and I can tell you right now that there is no feeling in the world like being told in a matter of fact manner that you are not actually a murderer.

"So what are we going to do?" I said warily, looking at the boss and Tsunade.

"Why, we leave him here and pretend he tripped over a Jenga block and hit his head while fighting with Jiraiya," the boss said, supremely unconcerned, while walking over to the mirror above the fireplace and inspecting the cut on his lip.

"What?!" Naruto yelled indignantly, his honest nature balking at the thought of such blatant dishonesty. "You can't just leave him here!"

"I agree with Naruto-kun," Gai said. "We have to take him to hospital. You can never be too careful where head injuries are concerned."

The boss and Tsunade rolled their eyes.

"Fine," Tsunade sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Sakura and I will drive him to the hospital - and you lot," she said, pointing a finger at the boss, Jiraiya and I, "you'd better get the hell out of here."

"I concur," the boss said, finally turning away from the mirror and pulling out his phone. "I'll phone my pilot. Oh, and Sasuke-kun, you had better get your coat. We'll meet you outside shortly."

Dazed, I nodded and wandered out towards the cloakroom. Lee followed behind and fished out my coat for me and helped me put it on. I apologised to him for all the trouble, and, as is typical of Lee, he just smiled and brushed it off with a bewildering level of tolerance and good naturedness.

"That's quite alright, Sasuke-kun," he said, laughing. "It's definitely been the most interesting birthday I've ever had. I just hope Teuchi-san will be alright."

Lee promised to visit Teuchi-san in hospital on my behalf, and I promised that I would phone and apologise personally (as well as sending lots of expensive, apology presents) and Lee awarded me with a huge smile. "That's the Sasuke-kun I remember!" he exclaimed. "Always thinking of others as well as himself!"

As that was blatantly untrue - Lee having given me far too much credit - I smiled awkwardly and excused myself. Not long after, the boss appeared with not only Jiraiya in tow, but Kiku too. This being a rather strange thing, I shot an enquiring look at the boss and he rolled his eyes and said, "Kiku is intent on accompanying Jiraiya to Otogakure and will not be persuaded otherwise. Therefore, she will be flying with us. The plane is ready and a driver should be here to collect us shortly."

I stole a glance at Jiraiya and Kiku. Kiku looked back at me and smiled a watery smile. She shrugged and gave Jiraiya a small squeeze. Now, I knew that squeeze. I use it often myself. It is the squeeze of genuine affection, and it was then that I knew that she was truly, genuinely serious about Jiraiya. Suddenly, I felt incredibly guilty. Not only had I doubted this girl's intentions and (initially) her intelligence, but I had just smashed her dad over the head with a bag of frozen prawns at a party, knocking him senseless.

"Kiku," I began tentatively. "I'm sorry about your dad. Really," I said, meaning every word of it. "I don't know what came over me."

She shrugged and said quietly, "It's okay. I'm, like, kinda glad you did it. Dunno what he would've done if you hadn't, like, stopped him or anything..."

"And don't worry," she added, as the Rolls pulled up into the driveway. "He'll be fine. I'll phone him tomorrow morning and tell him everything. It'll all be cool."

I had to resist the temptation to offer a reality check and say, "No, Kiku. If your father is anything like my brother, it will be anything but cool," but I didn't have the heart to. Bringing Itachi into anything constitutes as an automatic downer.

We got into the Rolls and drove straight to the airport. No time for anything. We even skipped through customs and I don't want to think how much the boss had to fork out for that luxury. I'm still on the plane, sitting next to the boss right now, typing this up... Wait... Hold on a second...

Orochimaru, please stop looking over my shoulder - I can see you doing it, I'm not stupid.

Right. I suppose that's a sign that I should wrap this entry up. I can't write when I know someone is looking at me. I get self-conscious. All I can say is that december is going to be an interesting month to say the least...

Twenty chapters. What the hell? I've never written something as long in my life!

Anyway, I've stayed up late to get this finished. You guys have been waiting long enough for this chapter (though I do have an excuse - I had a stressful graduation ceremony and a fun grad ball to attend. Hurrah for the vice-chancellor Sir Muir, whacking me on the head with a velvet cap from his wanker's throne! That's what I have worked for for four years to achieve! I cannot believe that man is paid two-hundred and fifty grand a year. What the fuck does he do with his time?)

Right. No more tangents! On with the thanks:-)

This round, thanks go out to: Voltra the Lively (ahhh... yes, but there is a small, subtle difference. Oro is quick to forgive Sasuke (because he fancies the pants off him). Anyone else would have a really hard time), SlythCommand (Yay! Another Kabuto fan! I'm quite fond of him myself. He's an interesting character, to say the least. Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I've had a rather hectic weekend, lol), Riana1 (your comment made me laugh out loud. You're so right. They really should get counselling, or something XD), missyserena214 (I'm glad you thought the hotdog bit was gross. It was inspired partly by a real life hotdog - a Czechoslovakian hotdog to be exact - one so disgusting that I still have nightmares about it), danni quinn (ahhhh! You have picked up on something that Sasuke himself hasn't realised yet, you sneaky, clever person, you. That'll be coming in a further chapter. Not sure when yet. And 'throwing soy sauce is not going to solve anything'? That made me lol. A lot. XD), fiore777 (oh, I am glad you like Kiku. I hope you'll like her more after this chapter. She is nice, really. I agree that Oro is fantastic when he's in a snit. He's so much fun to write, I can't tell you! And I, too, lust after onion rings. Onion rings are snacks of the gods. There should so be an Onion Rings FC over at NF forums (though I ain't making it. One is already too much responsibility! XD), Niver (lol, I hope you didn't beat your head too hard with the suspense issue. You might get a bill through for damaging that wall... ), hi (I'd love it if you actually registered as 'hi', it'd be hilarious. Thanks so much for the review, and I'm glad you like to read couples arguing. It's no fun if they're all loved-up all the time, is it?), hieilover135 (thanks for letting me know about Lee's birthday, by the way. As soon as I saw your review, my eyes lit up and I thought, "yes, I can use this..." I love how Oro is in this too. He's such fun to write. It makes me laugh, sometimes), maenad (yes, I agree. Hotdogs are the spawn of the devil. Once you know what's in them, you'll never want to eat one again. As I was saying to missyserena, the Sakura hotdog was inspired by a real one purchased in Prague. There was a whole bin full of them a few feet away from the stand, they were that bad. Disgusting things), eerabbit (lol, a few people have said that to me already; that although this story is ridiculously AU, the characters don't seem OC. I think you've hit the nail on the head with that observation. You're making me think now... Oh, and I think the plural should definitely be statii... XD), RaspedraTwilight (yes, Sasuke's romantic relationships are rather tempestuous. Being with Oro, the grand high spoiled brat, doesn't help either. Though I don't think Sasuke realises is that he is pretty spoiled and arrogant himself. Oh, the irony!), ArilianaFireQueen (Minnesota? Never been there before, but if it's a centre for child labour, then I might have to call Amnesty International and give them a tip-off. Oh, and by the way, Azula's song made me lol. XD), LenixVox (thanks very much. High praise, indeed! Can you believe that I hate canon Sasuke, too? I know, it's crazy. Well, hate is a strong word. He's not my favourite character right now, yet I'm writing a fic approaching novel-length from his point of view? Madness! XD), and last - but most definitely not least - natwel (NATWEL:-) You came all the way over from the NF forums! Sorry I haven't posted the fic up there in a while, but I forgot to post a few chapters, I ended up way behind and I didn't want to have to post twelve posts in a row. Those e-mails are just the best... seriously. I loled pretty damn hard. XD I cannot imagine Itachi as being anything other than ridiculously formal all day, every day, 24/7. Even when he was yelling at Oro he was still being comparatively polite. He's so repressed, it makes me giggle.

Thanks again, guys. You are too cool for words:-)