Thank you all for the great reviews. Sorry to those who I didn't respond to. I'm later than I would have liked, but I figure an update within two weeks is still good. I spent last weekend with my family doing an activity that is on my bucket list, dog sledding. Everyone should try it.

SM owns it all. Let me know what you think about how I played with it.

Out of the Shadows

Chapter 13: Ready to Start

BPOV

It was difficult to leave Forks but I needed some space from all the reminders of Edward. Sunday night Dad and I spent time just catching up. He didn't bring up the situation and made sure that I didn't have time to dwell on it.

Angela drove me to Port Angeles to catch a flight into Seattle. She offered to take me all the way into Seattle but I didn't want her to spend over 6 hours driving. We talked about all the little things, the gossip around town and had a good laugh over Jessica's latest folly. If there were a stupid scheme out there Jessica would find it. Our good bye was short with the promise of talking again soon. I knew that Angela would be my sounding board forever.

By the evening, I was thankful to be back in my little apartment. I didn't look at anything or even unpack. The weekend had been long and I just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep, for a long time.

Once in bed, my mind wouldn't shut off. The conversations that Edward and I had, the time spent together, and all of him just kept running through my mind like a highlight reel. The one image that lingered the longest was the look in his eyes when I walked out on him after the apology. They were disbelieving and hurt. I don't know why that image stood out among so many, or why it hurt me so much.

The next morning and the next few days, I threw myself back into routine. It took me the best part of the first day to just get my apartment ready to live in again, and to go through my mail. On Tuesday morning, a courier showed up to deliver the rest of my things from Vancouver.

As I went through the package, hoping for something that Edward might have sent. As I pulled a sweater out, an envelope dropped to the floor, and I grabbed it quickly. My hands started to shake as I tried to get the flap open. I couldn't tell if the handwriting was Edward's or not. My heart was pounding when I started to read the note.

Izzy,

Sorry to hear that you won't be joining us again. Take care and I hope to have the pleasure of working with you again.

All the best,

Grant

The letter fell from my hand. What the hell was I thinking? There was no way that Edward would try again, and why did I want that. I turned him down, not the other way. Get a grip and move on.

My agency knew about my situation before I called them. They were upset over the incident but informed me that both Edward and Alice had given me a glowing reference. Alice had spoken to the owner of the agency, and wanted to make sure that the details surrounding the dissolution of my employment with them did not negatively impact my future clients. Her recommendation was influential enough that I already had potential clients waiting for interviews. I wasn't quite ready to work again. I knew that I needed to, not just financially, but to distance myself from Edward so I asked for a two week sabbatical.

Once work was dealt with, I put the word out amongst my friends that I was back in town and needed distraction. It wasn't long before my weekend was full up. I made plans to go for dinner and clubbing with a large group of friends on Saturday night. I knew that I wouldn't be good one on one company so the group plan was great.

Saturday I spent the day having some me time. I had a massage, manicure, pedicure, and even had my hair done. I hadn't spent any time or money on myself lately so it was nice to indulge. By the time I got home I was ready for my night out. I swore to myself that Edward wasn't going to even enter my thoughts tonight. I'd even decided to dress up, or at least more than I usually do.

I pulled out a great black dress with a claret belt. This dress was the one that hung in my closet as my incentive to change, and it made me feel like a million dollars. The v-neck was deep enough to show off my great cleavage without going over the top into trashy town. I knew that I would regret the next choice, high heeled, thigh high black boots, but I was in the mood to see and be seen.

Kate and Garret picked me up, and were thoroughly impressed with how well I cleaned up. My friends were used to seeing me in jeans, t-shirt and a leather jacket. My normal style was not inspired, but something told me that I needed to go all out tonight.

We met up with our other friends at our favorite local restaurant. The dinner was good, the wine was great and my friends were even better. There were a ton of questions about my work for the past few weeks, but they soon stopped when they realized that I wasn't going to divulge the details. I usually didn't dish on my clients, and there was no way I was going to talk about Edward to them.

Victoria had managed to get us access to one of the best clubs in town for the night. A friend of a friend knew the manager or something. When we arrived at Opera I was in awe. We went in right away and got our table. It seems that we were in for a good night with VIP bottle service. If this didn't remove Edward from my mind nothing would.

We started the evening off with a couple of bottle of champagne then it was onto the Cosmos for me. The club was packed, and there was a lot of eye candy, and I was trying to enjoy the view. Some of them had his eyes, his hair or his style of clothing, all of them wanna-bes. Victoria was flirting with anything that looked our way, and I was enjoying the flirt by association affect.

When we hit the dance floor, we were surrounded my admirers. They were the usual sleazy L.A. men, who wanted to know who you knew before getting to know you. Thankfully there was little chance to talk on the floor, just dance and grind. The only reason I was on the floor was the Cosmos and champagne. Normally the only dancing I did was in front of the mirror, alone. My self-confidence was getting better, but I still didn't see myself how others saw me.

As we were making our way back to the table, I heard my name being called out. "Izzy, Izzy." I turned to find myself face to face with Tanya Denali. Holy shit! Victoria was looking at me with wide eyes as if to say how does she know you?

"Hello Tanya." I turned to walk away, but she grabbed my shoulder.

"Hey, I'm not done with you." It was obvious that she'd had more to drink than me. "Where's Eddie tonight? I thought you two were a thing now. He was so quick to get back to you in Vancouver." She was leaning into me now. Her nails were digging into my skin so it was difficult for me to move away. Someone with her was taking my picture with an iPhone, and his fingers were working overtime.

"What Edward does is up to him. I believe he's in Vancouver still." If I weren't in a public place, I would have ripped her fingernails off to get away. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm here enjoying the evening with friends." I tried to turn away but her nails dug in more.

"I have no idea what he saw in you anyway. You're just a scrawny, no talent, nobody. I expect to have him crawling back to me now that he's tossed you. I'll have to let him know that I saw you tonight with…" She was looking around. "…no one. Obviously he came to his senses."

"I'm sure he did. Now let go of me so I can go." I wanted to tell her that I was the one who tossed him, but I wouldn't do that to him. He didn't need the likes of her knowing about his personal business. Her friend removed her arm from my shoulder, and led her away. "Bitch." That was all I could say about Tanya Denali.

I stalked back to our table, and downed the rest of my drink. Victoria was staring at me bewildered. "Was that Tanya Denali?"

"Yup, sure was." My fingers tapped on the table.

"Who were you guys talking about?"

"No one." The tapping was becoming harder.

"It was Edward Cullen, wasn't it?"

"Maybe." I was practically pounding the table now. "But I don't want to talk about it."

Victoria was exchanging looks with the rest of our friends.

I tried to enjoy the rest of the evening, but all I could think about was him. I ordered another drink but nursed it for the rest of the night. I was sobering up quickly. By the time Kate and Garret wanted to leave, I was suffering from a raging headache. All I wanted to do was get home, strip out of this dress and go to bed, which was exactly what I did.

My sleep was fitful. My dreams were so vivid. You know the kind of dreams where you think you're somewhere you shouldn't be, and usually without any clothes on. Only my dreams were about Edward, and unfortunately I was fully clothed. Between the dreams I laid awake thinking and rethinking all of my decisions where he was concerned. Should I have accepted his apology? Was I being too pig headed to see what a great guys he is? Or was the Edward from high school the real one so I made the right decision?

The next morning came too early and with a massive hangover. Once I got some coffee and Advil into my system, I was feeling a bit better when my phone vibrated with an email alert. It was from Victoria.

I don't know how you pissed her off but she's pissed. I clicked on the link, and was sent to a gossip site, one that Victoria followed religiously. There was a photo of me from the night before, looking good but quite upset. The caption read Izzy Dwyer, recently linked with Edward Cullen, spotted out alone last night. Obviously Edward has come to his senses. Sources report that Edward is back with Tanya Denali.

My hand was shaking. I took a couple of deep breaths, otherwise I would have thrown my phone and I can't afford a new one. I replied to Victoria. They'll put another out now, especially if it comes from a celeb.

I turned my phone off. I didn't want to deal with the onslaught of calls and messages once this got around my circle of friends. I didn't want to lie about the situation anymore. I didn't know what to say, probably because I didn't know how I felt about Edward. This little episode gave me a really good sense of what dating Edward Cullen would have been like. Was he worth the hassle?

I crawled back into bed, and just drifted off to sleep when the doorbell went. I didn't move. A few seconds later it rang again and was followed by a loud voice yelling, Delivery.

I slipped out of bed, put my robe on, and went to the door. Sure enough there was a FedEx guy standing there with a package in his arms. I signed for the package and apologized for not answering on the first ring.

The package had a postmark from Canada again. I didn't remember anything that Grant might have missed in his last package. I was disinterested as I opened the package. The first thing to slide out was a CD, Champ by Tokyo Police Club. There was a post it note on the back of the CD.

One of the best nights out I've ever had.

Miss You,

E.

I couldn't believe that he even remembered the band from that night. I smiled at the memories of that night, up to the girls in the washroom. They were another reminder of what being with Edward would be like.

The next package was a bundle of paper tied together with a navy velvet ribbon. Once I untied the ribbon, the tower of papers fell over to reveal a charcoal drawing in the middle of the pile.

I picked up the picture and studied it closely. It was a portrait of me, I thought, from the evening at the Cullen's anniversary party. My hair was up with just a few wisps of hair escaping, and my eyes were smiling but looking off to the right. There was a small E in the bottom right corner. It was incredible. I had no idea that he even paid that much attention to me to be able to capture me so exquisitely.

The next paper was another drawing, but this one was much older than the first. I left it on the table and just stared. It was me again, but from high school. I looked between the two drawings. The strokes were the same and the E at the bottom was the same, but I could tell that this was done while we were in high school. He captured me again with some precision that it was scary. Other than the roundness of my face, the biggest difference were my eyes, which were sad and alone. There was no smile in them, but there never was back then.

I put down the first drawing, and picked up the card that was at the top of the pile. My hand was shaking, but I had to read his words even through with my tear blurred vision. I flipped open the card.

Bella,

I'm lonely up here without you. I miss your smile, and how you make me smile. I was a coward when we were young. I thought of you often back then but never had the courage to talk to you, not for what others would say but for what you might say. I hope you will see me again when I get back to LA.

Miss You,

Edward

There were five other cards. I read each one as the tears fell, not tears of upset but of laughter. He had written about what was happening on set, his thoughts, other people's reactions and just what we'd talk about at the end of the day. I felt like I was there with him.

I was so touched by the fact that he had taken the time to write these out for me, not emailed but hand written. I took the drawings into my bedroom. I placed them on my bedside table, and admired them as I went back to bed. I was even more confused about Edward and needed time to think and recover.

When I woke up it was very early on Monday morning. My stomach was screaming at me, so that was my first order of business. I turned my phone back on and it too was screaming at me with all the messages I had missed. I scrolled through them. Most of them were from my friends checking that I was okay. Victoria had sent the link to some of them so they were also very curious about the history behind the altercation and resulting backlash.

One message caught my eye more than the rest, the message was from Alice. I opened it while I put cream cheese on my bagel.

Bella,

I saw the photo. Was this Tanya? Edward is furious. Wanna talk? You looked gorgeous by the way.

Alice

I was really surprised they would even look at sites like that but I guess if you want to keep your image under control you have to know what is being said about you, even if you don't respond.

I wasn't ready to talk to Alice or any of the Cullens at the moment. I had planned to spend the day at home sorting through old files, and doing a proper clean out. I had only one week off before work reared it's ugly head again. After breakfast, I went for a run, showered then settled down with some fluffy daytime TV shows to go through the files.

While I was watching The Talk, there was a knock at my door. I wasn't expecting anyone but lately anything could happen. As I opened the door, the only thing I could see was a huge bouquet of wild flowers. The deliveryman was almost completely swallowed by the amount of flowers. As I took them from him, I was staggered by the weight of the arrangement. The card was small and simple.

I'm sorry, for a lot.