…I wasn't going to, but I had to. I just had to. Forgive the mistakes. Enjoy.
"So, I hear you and Blue messed up again, eh?"
"Go to hell, Renji. You're annoying at five in the morning."
"And any other time of day. Both of you. God."
The two men turned to see their spiky haired female friend hunched over the coffee pot in the recreation room.
"Geez, Tatsuki, you really look tired. Chizuru cause you another migraine?"
"God, don't get me started on that chick. Can you imaging having to explain to Orihime just what the term motorboat means?"
Renji spat out his soda at those words. "Dear lord, are you serious? Oh my God…"
"Thank you Renji, for your generous donation of Coke all over my favorite sweatshirt," Ichigo muttered, looking at his clothing with a scowl.
"Cause it's Blue's, right? Does he know you have that?"
The orange haired man had the decency to blush. "No. But he left it at my apartment and hasn't asked for it back yet, so…"
Renji grinned widely and shook his head. "Totally in love, alright. Eh, Tatsuki?"
The black haired girl grinned as well, coffee mug in hand while the other made a dismissive gesture. "What else is new?"
Ichigo looked put-out. "Hey, hey now, I am not in love with…with him. I'm just…fond of him." He turned to Renji. "At least he doesn't snore."
Renji frowned at that while Tatsuki sniggered to herself. Ichigo turned to her then. "And at least he doesn't get off on beating little boys to a pulp."
"Only when they deserve it!" Tatsuki exclaimed.
"Don't they always?"
The karate champ turned and muttered something about strawberries holding grudges when their communicators all went off at once.
"Ahh! Stupid things!" Ichigo dropped the tissues he was using to clean himself up at the high pitched alarm. "Couldn't Urahara just use the damn cellphone like everyone else? Aizen never does that…"
"And there's the other love interest," Tatsuki and Renji said at once. They ignored whatever protest Ichigo was about to give in favor of answering the watches.
"Wassup, Urahara?"
"Good morning, my beautiful children! If you would be so kind as to meet me at the usual spot, we have some things to discuss! Oh, and Yoru-chan's getting impatient, so I suggest you hurry up and clean that shirt, Ichi-chan~!" the small hologram waved its fan before disappearing.
Ichigo huffed to himself as his fellow agents scooted out the room. "Not like it's easy to get dark soda out of a shirt…"
"You should give that to Nel-Nel. She can get a stain out of anything."
"Yeah, I'll ask her !" Ichigo yelled exasperatedly. He didn't need to turn to know who it was.
"Hm." Grimmjow ignored the pout on the other's face in favor of getting coffee.
Ichigo, not one to be ignored, sighed. "You're up awful early. You usually don't show up until about…oh I don't know, ten?"
"…you know my waking habits, Ichigo?" the blue haired man asked, turning to smirk at the other. He hid his grin behind his mug when the other began to sputter.
"O-of course not! I only know because you inconvenience everyone like that! I never hear the end of it from Matsumoto and Rukia! And don't get me started on the cold glares I get from Toushirou, Byakuya AND Ulquiorra! As if I have something to do with you being late…" Ichigo trailed off looking to the side, a faint blush still on his face.
"…ya'd like to be the reason I'm late wouldn't you, I-chi-go?" the other teased, taking Ichigo's chin between his fingers. "Ya are sometimes, y'know. Who'd wanna wake from a dream with such a delicious strawberry begging on his knees in front of th-*SMACK* "OOOOOWWW you little-
Ichigo walked away huffing while the other nursed his cheek.
"You're still blushing!" Grimmjow called.
"GO TO HELL!"
"Ah, nice to see you could join us you two~. I'm sorry for whatever intimate meeting I may have interrupted in calling you here but-OW!" Urahara held his knee in pain while Ichigo walked right by as if he hadn't just kicked the other man. Grimmjow just laughed at his partner.
"About time. You two are almost as bad as Matsumoto." A short white haired man huffed, crossing his arms.
"Now, now, Taichou, I'm not that bad, am I?" a tall and voluptuous woman hugged the man from behind. "You know you love me!"
"G-get off you big breasted freak!"
"No~! Good morning Strawberry-chan, Blueberry-chan~! And how are you?" she pointedly ignored the squabbles of the one in her grasp.
"Uh, fine." Ichigo didn't wanna say much to them, but the way Toushirou was turning blue was rather alarming.
"We're just fine, Bitch-tits Numero Uno," Grimmjow said. He turned to the others in the other room. "And how are the rest of my bitches, ah? Yo, Peach, Snowflake, Sour Apple, how's it hanging?"
An orange haired girl giggled in response. "I'm good, Grimmjow-san. I think Shiro-san and Ulqui-san are a little annoyed with you right now."
"Oh?" he turned to the men on either side of Orihime and raised an eyebrow. "And what the hell's wrong wit you niggas, ah?"
"D'ya have any idea how annoyin' it is t' listen t' th's fruit bat complain about ya habit o' bein' late, ya damn pussycat?" a very pale white haired man frowned, jabbing a thumb in his partner's direction. "God, it's bad 'nough I gotta deal wit dis on a daily basis, don't give me a reason t' fuck ya up, man."
Grimmjow just laughed in response. "Sour just needs to get laid. Ain't that right, Ulqui?"
The raven haired man simply looked at the other with large emerald eyes.
"Goddamn you're creepy. Aren't we missing a few fuckers?" he asked, looking around.
"Yes, well, about that…" Urahara began. "They're off on a mission. And soon you will be, too. And it's of the utmost importance."
The agents all stood up straight, prepared to listen to whatever their boss had to say.
"I…am going to kill him."
"Not if I get to him first."
"Ichi-mama! Come color with me! Ken-chan gave me pretty crayons that are named after fruit! The strawberry one is prettiest!"
Ichigo sighed hard as a stifled laugh sounded beside him. "I would love to, Yachiru. I'll go find some paper." He quickly stood up and tripped over a chappy doll.
Another laugh, this one less restrained, was heard, and Ichigo idly wondered if Urahara could get him off after he commits slightly premeditated murder.
If he doesn't commit suicide first.
The mission was simple. A good friend of Urahara's was going out of town and needed someone to watch over his estate. Everyone else had posts at the gates or in important parts of the grounds, like the insanely large motorcycle garage.
"What the hell?" Ichigo had asked. "There are hungry children in Africa!"
"Damn this is some sexy shit. Hey, Ichigo?"
"Hm?" he turned to his partner only to cease all brain function.
Grimmjow was straddling on of the bikes, a sleek black and midnight blue with a cool lightning pattern etched into the side.
"Do I look good or what?"
Ichigo wisely kept his mouth shut and nodded his head. He spun away from the other as soon as he saw a smirk on that handsome face at the same time the garage door opened.
"IIIIIIIICHIIIIIIIIIIIII~!"
Said redhead panicked but was tackled to the floor before anything could happen. "Gahh! What the hell?"
"Ichi-mama! I missed you! And Kenny, too!"
At that name Ichigo jumped up and threw the small child to the other side of the room. "Oh hell no-
"Hey there, Ichigo. Been a while, eh?" a deep voice behind him sent shivers down his spine.
Dear God why.
"Sorry about that, Kurosaki-kun. When I told them you'd be the ones babysitting Yachiru, they immediately ran down here to see you. You are rather popular, yes?" a smooth voice said from the doorway.
Ichigo would like to say he was mad at the man for doing this to him, but those seductive brown eyes did things to him he'd rather not discuss.
"Good thing you aren't the type to speak your thoughts aloud then, eh, Kurosaki-kun?" Aizen smiled, sticking his hands in his pockets.
"Oh goddammit…."
"Heh heh, always knew you were special, Ichigo." Kenpachi laughed and picked up the small girl who had ran back over and was twirling around Ichigo. "You be a good little pup, got it?"
"Candy?"
"Candy."
"YAY~! Kenny is the best!" she jumped up into her dad's arms and gave him lots of kisses.
"Hey, cut that out, brat."
If Ichigo wasn't so embarrassed, he might have even said the scene was cute.
But Kenpachi and cute didn't belong together in the same train of thought so he didn't.
"And you, Grimmjow? How have you been?" Aizen ceased his staring at Ichigo long enough to glance at the other.
Grimmjow, who had been rather quiet until then, shrugged. "I'm good. Think Ichigo might need to lie down though; he's so damn cherry right now. Got a fever, Berry?"
Ichigo glared at Grimmjow, but then noticed the way he was looking at him. "U-um, no?" he turned slightly and notice Aizen and Kenpachi staring at him in much the same manner. "….uh…come on, Yachiru, I think there's some soda and a foot long sub with your name on it," he said quickly, snatching the girl out of her father's arms and scooting past Aizen in the doorway, away from those eyes.
"YAY~ Ichi-mama's gonna cook for me!"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT."
And that was how he ended up here. In this mansion. With toys strewn across in such a manner that it was impossible not to step on something every two seconds.
Dammit.
"Um, here you go, Yachiru. Don't color on the walls, please."
"But Kenny paints the walls red all the time!"
Ichigo sighed again as another laugh erupted from his partner on the couch. "Yes, but that's necessary. Inappropriate pictures of Ikkaku and Yumichika are not."
"Then they should lock the door when they come over!"
Feeling a rather bad migraine coming on, Ichigo dropped the issue and headed toward the kitchen. "Hey, I'll go make the lunch I promised earlier and you stay here and play quietly, okay?"
"Kay, Ichi-mama!"
"DON'T CALL ME-ugh, nevermind," he muttered. As he passed the couch, he turned to Grimmjow, who had been laughing and changing TV channels.
Noticing the other's presence, Grimmjow looked up at him. "Yeah?"
"Play nice."
The blue haired man took note of the stern look on the other's face and smiled. "Since when have I not?"
Ichigo gave him a look that said 'God you're stupid' before disappearing around the corner.
As soon as he was out of sight, Grimmjow stood up and went over to Yachiru. "Hey kid."
The pink haired girl looked up. "Bluey-chan?"
"Let's make something for Ichigo, okay? I think he would like it."
"Yay! Okay then!"
"If there's anything remotely suspicious going on in here, I swear to the lord above, Grimmjow, I will castrate you with my fingernails," Ichigo said coming around the corner with three plates of food in hand. "Grimm? Yachi….ru?"
"Do you like it, Ichi? Me and Bluey-chan worked really hard on it!"
Ichigo calmly sat the food on the large coffee table before turning to the others in the room. Grimmjow was looking all the world for someone who had done something horrible.
And he had.
A really rather well-drawn picture of Kenpachi and Aizen fighting each other was innocent enough in itself.
It was the 'Ichigo in a white flowing dress seemingly telling the other men not to fight over him' that was causing what was sure to be a permanent twitch in the redhead's eye.
…scratch that, mural. Because the whole thing was currently occupying one wall of Kenpachi's already messy living room.
…breathe, Ichigo. You can do this.
"Bluey-chan said it would be good idea to put you in white because it would bring out your eyes!"
*twitch*
"…Grimmjow."
"Hm?"
"Run."
Grimmjow snatched up Yachiru and ran around the table as Ichigo rounded the other side. The only thing that could be heard was the young girl's bubbly laughter.
"You are so dead."
"I know."
By now, they had all calmed down so Yachiru could eat her lunch and Ichigo to get set on washing that monstrosity off the wall. Sadly, it did not come off-"What the hell did you use, you evil bastard?" "Nothing."-so they had retired to the little girl's gigantic room, where she crawled into Grimmjow's lap and quickly fell asleep. Once or twice, you could hear her mumble 'Ichi-mama' or Papa Blue' in her sleep.
"Wonder what she's dreamin' about," Grimmjow mused aloud, pushing a strand of her hair out of her face.
"Now see? Look at you. Perfectly upstanding citizen right now. I knew you had it in you." Ichigo said lightly, smiling. "You haven't even cussed all that much today. Good boy."
His smile was returned. "I'll never be an upstandin' citizen, Ichigo. Neither will you."
Ichigo shrugged. "I'm alright with that. You?"
"You're both perfect the way you are. And…oh my."
Ichigo groaned and slammed his head on the table. Hard. "Please tell me you don't see it. You don't have to be telling the truth, just say you didn't. So I can go stab myself and die in relative peace."
"You'd be terribly missed, Kurosaki-kun, I assure you." Aizen's voice carried into the open room. "Did Yachiru do this?"
"Told that kid to quit drawin' on the walls." Ichigo sighed in slight relief. Kenpachi apparently didn't think it was that funny. Good.
"…wait, is that Ichigo?"
Oh GOD.
"You…are so unbelievably dead I attended your funeral last month."
Grimmjow just grinned. "Glad to know you care."
Ichigo found himself smiling anyway.