A Day in the Life
AN: One-hundred points go to Niver, ArilianaFireQueen and skytten. Bit more trauma in this one, but hope you guys like it.
December 30st
LATER:
As of right now, I am ready for war.
Would you like to know why? Oh, I bet you would. And I am going to tell you, because if I do not get this off my chest soon, I am certain I will be in real danger of hauling off and hitting someone over the head with a spanner in a sudden fit of rage. Suigetsu would be an ideal candidate for such a cold, calculated toolbox mauling, but the person he is dragging along with him to the party tonight, the daft, tactless bastard that he is, would be an even better choice.
Who is that person?
None other than Kimi-fucking-maro. The Grand High Skanky-Ex-From-Hell himself. How did this most hellish of circumstances come about? Well, I'll tell you.
Last night, after the boss finished applying a few more layers of make-up, we headed outside for dinner, arm in arm. Satisfied that his hideous, monster bruise could not be detected by the human eye, he was quite happy, and we made our appearance on the raised decking at the front of the house just in time to see a stony-faced Jiraiya at the barbecue folding his arms and jutting his chin aggressively at none other than my brother. This surprised me deeply, as I had not been expecting Itachi until this morning. Despite the fact that they were obviously having a "discussion" about something, a small smile began to lurk at the corners of my mouth, and it was nothing to do with the fact that Jiraiya was wearing a hideous novelty apron sporting a glossy print of a tanned male torso complete with dangling cock and balls. No, Itachi was here, and, for a change, I was rather glad of it. I could hear my brother's monotonous, droning voice reproving Jiraiya from where I stood, and I listened to it with a newfound fondness. It seemed their debate was to do with a cooking related issue...
"Red snapper is a very delicate fish, Jiraiya, and it has to be cooked with care. A simple parcel of tin foil with a dash of that chilli and lime glaze would have been sufficient. I am not surprised half of the tail end fell through into the coals, as you were turning it far too frequently. Fish should only be turned once, lest you increase the chance of it breaking up."
"If you don't shut your pie hole and let me concentrate," Jiraiya retorted, turning round and brandishing his spatula at Itachi, "I'll break you up. Got that, Uchiha?"
Most of the others were sitting at the long, wooden table already, and Jiraiya's playground-esque rebuttal caused a ripple of sniggers along it. At that point, I felt it best to make my presence known, as Itachi seemed like he was ready to snatch the spatula from Jiraiya and create an attractive criss-cross effect with his face by pressing it firmly into the grill. I accomplished this by sneaking up behind my brother while he was glowering at Jiraiya and placing my hands over his eyes.
"Guess who, Itachi?" I said in a sing-song voice.
I felt his mouth curling into a wry smile. "That would be my idiot, exhibitionist sibling."
"Wrong!" I said brightly, spinning him around by the shoulders. "Your answer should have been: 'My perfectly wonderful, intelligent, talented and amazingly good-looking sibling.'"
"Oh my," he replied, observing me down the length of his nose. "I do apologise. I was under the impression it was Sasuke I was speaking to. I did not realise I had a spare brother floating around. How nice to meet you."
By way of retaliation, I attempted to give him a good hard kick on the shin (I wasn't expecting much from it: my flip flops would not have done much damage) but he dodged it with characteristic deftness.
"What are you doing here, anyway?" I asked, genuinely curious. "I thought your flight wasn't due in until tomorrow morning."
"A cancellation at the eleventh-hour, Sasuke," he replied. "Most fortuitous."
What he really meant by that was that he had no doubt been loitering around the airport at the Mizu airways desk for hours and had intimidated the staff to such a degree that they bent over backwards to secure him a seat on the next flight just to get him the hell out of their lives. Typical Itachi. I smiled weakly.
"Lucky you."
"Hmm? Oh yes. Indeed," he replied, waving a hand disinterestedly, thus signalling that the light-hearted banter was about to end. It was clear that more serious talk was imminent and inevitable. My brother turned then and fixed me with a grave look. I knew perfectly well what was coming.
"You know why I am here, Sasuke," he began, in that infuriating admonitory tone he never fails to adopt while lecturing me.
I was all but ready to huff and roll my eyes at him and suck it all up when the boss's voice drifted over our shoulders, deliberately loud and laced with a studied devil-may-care heedlessness that was clearly calculated to push Itachi's buttons.
"If you're going to bitch about me, Itachi, I would rather you did it elsewhere. I'm not in the mood to be talked about when I'm in earshot. Oh, and I would like mine with some of that chilli and lime glaze, Jiraiya, if you would be so kind. And tell Gaara not to put too much salt in the mashed plantains, I can always taste it if there's too much salt. And I don't want any eggs. No, Jiraiya, no eggs. Absolutely no eggs..."
As the boss's attention gradually veered away towards more important matters (as we all know how fussy he is about food – Gaara, Jiraiya and Chiyo-baa had their work cut out for them that night, I can tell you) Itachi's jaw became increasingly rigid, until at one point I could have sworn he was grinding his teeth. As ever, though, his expression remained a blank canvas even as his hand shot out and gripped my wrist with rather more force than I thought necessary. I winced and attempted to twist away, but my brother was determined.
"Then we shall take a little walk before dinner," Itachi announced. "Come, Sasuke."
And I felt him dragging me down the steps onto the beach as he swept off at a cracking pace. Feeling a shade embarrassed that I was being taken away for a telling off from big brother in front of friends and relative strangers, I made an attempt at pretending that all was well by calling out, in a ridiculously cheery voice, "I'm just going for a walk with Itachi! Will be back in time for dinner!" It was then that I realised how glad I am to have Sakura as a friend. She can be very perceptive when she wants to be and thus saw through my chirpy facade in an instant. Scrambling out of her seat, she shamelessly played the cheerful ignorance card.
"Wait, Sasuke-kun! Wait!" she yelled, laughing as she almost tripped over the bench and flattened Naruto in her haste to save my sorry arse. "I'm coming with you!"
Imprisoned in Itachi's iron grip as I was, I couldn't help but grin. In an instant, her hastily-concocted plan yielded the desired effects, as Naruto leapt to his feet, saying that he wanted to come too (I suppose he still remembers Sakura having had a crush on me for ages and did not relish the thought of having to relinquish his newfound potential boyfriend status over an unsupervised walk along a beach at sunset). The presence of Temari was an added bonus; she decided to tag along simply because she was bored of waiting for food to arrive. When Itachi saw that his nefarious plan had been foiled, he snorted, let go of my wrist and began to storm ahead. I think I'm getting better at this manipulation game. Being with the boss has really opened my eyes as to how it should be done.
And so it was that I ended up strolling along the sandy Suna coast with my two best friends as the sun shimmered across the surface of the sea, red and low upon the horizon. It would have been an idyllic, peaceful sort of scene if Naruto had not decided to be retarded and whip round and kick a great divot of wet sand in my general direction – which, in turn, caused me to retaliate and accidentally hit Sakura. Before long, the three of us were capering around like idiots, laughing our heads off and trying to kick sand in each others' faces. Temari and Itachi did not join in our fun and games, as Temari had clearly decided that my brother was pleasing to her eye and that while we were otherwise engaged, it would be a good opportunity to occupy my brother's attention and flirt with him. I could see right away that she was fighting a losing battle. As she chatted away to Itachi, quite the thing, my brother afforded her only an occasional response, usually a "Hmm?" or a disinterested "Oh, really?" Unfortunately, I could also see that Temari took Itachi's silence as a sign that he was "a good listener". This is a common mistake girls make when it comes to my brother, as they never realise that his reluctance to talk is not in any way indicative of interest in what they have to say, or any pretence of mysteriousness on his part. It simply means that he is a boring, arrogant twat who does not care a jot about anyone else in the world, save himself.
I was not fearful for Temari, though. She's always been a feisty and sensible sort of girl. As soon as she realises she's not going to get any from Itachi, she'll be straight on the phone to Shikamaru for an argument – I will bet my life-savings on it. For the record, Shikamaru is Temari's on-again-off-again sort of boyfriend. It's complicated and I can't really explain it myself. I suppose they're a bit of an item but just haven't admitted it to themselves and each other yet, despite the fact that they've been casually sleeping with one another for years and, over the years, the arrangement has become more and more exclusive. And they thrive on arguments and drama and make-up sex. When I still worked at Konoha-Suna, I cannot recall how many times I heard Shikamaru hissing obscenities down the phone at Temari, trying to keep his voice down, and always failing miserably at the end when he would crack and tell her to "fuck off" before slamming the phone down.
Maybe, if by some miracle Itachi is actually interested in her, it perhaps would prompt Shikamaru to get off his backside and make things official? Stranger things have happened, and Itachi always brings out the worst in potential love rivals after all, being sickeningly perfect as he is. I should have turned on my phone and filmed them walking along the beach together. Then I could have sent Shikamaru the evidence. Oh the fun I could have had watching Shikamaru attempt to punch out my brother. (Mental note: be more devious in future.)
But I am straying from my point. We were not the only occupants of the beach that night. For although a portion of the beach is owned by Gaara (it came with the purchase of the house), he is pretty easy-going when it comes to random individuals going about their business on it. As we were walking, we passed a few people: a local couple walking their dogs, some delinquent kids skimming stones across the water, and there were two guys pulling a small rowing boat onto the shore. One was in the water, shoving, and the other was ashore, tugging at the thing with all his might. It was clear they were having some difficulty, therefore we stopped to stare at them for a while (offering no help at all, of course) and Itachi treated us to a prolix account of how he would have beached the boat. I'm sure it was very sensible and, probably, the correct way to do it, but I didn't listen to a word he was saying, and my brother was cut off rather unceremoniously when the 'pulling' guy stumbled, somehow managed to twist himself whilst falling, and landed face first on the sand. Oh boy did he eat it - big style.
Naturally, we all erupted into fits of laughter and proceeded to point and laugh at the unfortunate man, and we were still giggling like fools even when he stood up, dusted himself down and gave us the finger. In retaliation, Naruto cupped his hands around his mouth and bellowed: "YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I GAVE TO YOUR MOM, PECKER HEAD! AND SHE CALLED ME BACK THE NEXT DAY!" The boat guy, in turn, replied with a distant: "That's it, nancy boy! I'm gonna come over there and kick you till you're fucking dead!" This prompted Temari to step forward and perform the internationally-recognised "Bring it bitch" gesture, which only served to further enrage the boat guy. He began to swagger towards us with purpose, smacking a fist into his palm, and his friend had sloshed ashore and seemed to be trying to restrain him, pleading with him not to get into a fight.
I smirked and shouted, "What? You afraid you'll get your ass kicked? Seems like you two are the nancy boys."
Then, something rather strange happened. The first boat guy stopped abruptly in his tracks at the sound of my voice, raised a hand up across his eyes and peered at us from a distance. Then he started jumping up and down, flailing and capering, and came haring straight towards us. Naruto squared himself, ready for a fight, but when the guy started shouting, it all became suddenly and hilariously clear.
"SASUKE!! SASUKE, OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD, SASUKE!! SASUKE!! SASUKE, OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD, SASUKE!!"
As he closed in on us, now at full sprint, kicking great clouds up sand up behind him in his wake, I began to recognise not only Suigetsu's obnoxious voice but also Suigetsu's pale hair, pale face, pale eyes and general paleness, and I braced myself for the inevitable clash of bodies that was to come. Sure enough, when he was at point-blank range and was unmistakably recognisable, Suigetsu roared lustily and launched himself at me, tackling me to the ground (and covering me in sand in the process, the inconsiderate moron that he is – I had to wear those clothes to dinner). Grinning like a loon, he loomed over me, straddling me on the sand, and punched me hard on the arm by way of greeting.
"What the fuck are you doing here, Sasuke?" he said manically, a little out of breath from his mad dash towards me, before turning round to face the others and adding, "What the fuck are you guys doing here, too? And who's she? She's fucking hot!"
The last remark earned him a ringing slap across the face from Temari, who, contrary to what you might think, looked rather pleased to be on the receiving end of Suigetsu's sleaze-ridden remark.
"Man... oh... holy shit," Suigetsu moaned as he rolled off me and onto the sand, massaging his face. "Was that really necessary?"
"Yes, it was necessary," I said on Temari's behalf, picking myself up. "I'm glad someone's knocked some sense into you at least. And we're here with Gaara from Konoha-Suna Corp., if you want to know. He invited us to come to the party he's throwing tomorrow night, though we're only really here because Naruto has no shame."
Naruto giggled sheepishly at this and scratched his head. "Yeah, I asked him on the phone, dude," he said to Suigetsu. "If I knew you were going to be here, I'd've, like, totally asked for you."
Suigetsu shrugged. "That's cool. We were just going to sit on the beach and watch the fireworks anyway and maybe get a few cans or something." He paused for a moment, grinning inanely at everyone in turn, before he added, "So, who's all here? Just you guys?"
"No," I began, opening my mouth, about to inform him that the boss was waiting for us back at the beach house when I felt a foreign presence somewhere in the vicinity of my left side where someone had drawn up to me and was standing a little too close for comfort. I knew this because my skin began to tingle. It's my completely natural, biological, in-built threat detector, and it never fails. Then a young man's voice drifted into our midst, deep, cultured and strangely wistful in tone.
"Suigetsu," it said. "Do you know these people?"
I did not hear Suigetsu's response, because at that moment I turned around with intent to introduce myself to Suigetsu's mysterious sailing companion and everything inside me, all around me, seemed to freeze. It all came back in an instant – memories rushing out of the darkness to slap me across the face, punishing me for being the stupid, forgetful imbecile that I am.
"Otogakure is perfectly acceptable, Sasuke. I shall attend. Kisame has also expressed a desire to attend this year, as apparently Zabuza and Haku will be working over the festive period, shooting Christmas and New Year specials of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Kimimaro is still travelling in Suna."
Kimimaro is still travelling in Suna...
Still travelling in Suna...
Travelling in Suna...
Suna...
Suna.
The image of Itachi's written words in an otherwise innocent e-mail danced around in my head, tormenting me ceaselessly as my waking eyes beheld none other than that self-same Kimimaro for the first time.
Up until then, I had only seen pictures of the boss's all-time-favourite ex: long, silvery hair in that strange, zig-zag parting, the mayu mark on his forehead marking him as upper-class, those strange, striking turquoise-coloured eyes made more striking still by the application of vivid red paint underneath, broad in the shoulders, a slightly rounded face. Now, I was confronted with him – a vision made flesh.
He looked disconcertingly similar to the photos, though leaner and slightly shabbier (probably due to lack of food and money, having to jump from job to job and country to country all the time like the useless vagrant that he is). What was most disconcerting, however, was that he appeared to recognise me. For the briefest of moments, I saw something like panic flash in his eyes. His breath hitched at the sight of me, and it was though the strings that held him up so proudly had been cut, leaving him defenceless and momentarily exposed. As quickly as it had come, however, the moment was gone. The strings had been pulled up once again, and Kimimaro composed himself – enough that he was able to smile and bow his head to me in greeting.
"Uchiha Sasuke," he said in his mellifluous voice. "We meet at last."
I noted immediately that he had not said: "Nice to meet you," or "It is a pleasure," or anything of that sort, so I decided that I should gain the moral high ground right away. It was also imperative that I established the ground rules early on: i.e. that the boss was MINE, and that if he even so much as breathed a hint that he wanted to try it on with him, I would be having his eyes out with the sharp end of a claw hammer.
Therefore, I offered my hand and said, "Indeed. It's nice to meet you, Kimimaro. Orochimaru-sama has mentioned you a few times."
My insidious name-dropping hit the mark, and I felt his hand tremble when he accepted my own. We shook hands a little too quickly and he pulled away first. Success. I had to fight very hard to suppress the evil grin that was threatening to erupt and spoil my cool, calm and collected Uchiha image.
When I uttered Kimimaro's name, an odd, hushed atmosphere descended upon our party. Suigetsu was still kneeling in the sand, and his hand was halfway to his mouth, which was dangling open in shock in an expression that said, "Oh shit. What have I done?" I think the consequences of his idiocy had caught up with him as he realised that he had, in fact, opened one hell of a can of worms. An extra large can of worms. No, make that a jumbo-sized can of worms. Naruto was staring openly at Kimimaro, his mouth gaping in a similar manner to Suigetsu's but the sentiment behind it seemed more like the shock of such a stunning and irregular coincidence having actually happened. Sakura was more cautious, and I could see from the way she stepped back a little that she had already cottoned on to the home-wrecking potential of this situation. Itachi appeared to be working on a similar level, and was already leaps ahead of everyone else.
Now, my brother is not tall by any manner of means, but when he stepped forward then, he seemed to loom. I'm not sure how he does it, but for a man of such diminutive stature, he can create an aura of menace rivalling those of certain esteemed character actors such as Anthony Hopkins and Ralph Fiennes. It was for Kimimaro's benefit, of course, but even I shivered.
"I am afraid we must cut our civilities short, Sasuke," he said, staring at Kimimaro, coldness exuding from every pore. "We are expected back for dinner."
"Oh. Yes, right," I said, shaking my head as though waking from a dream. "Of course. Well, it was nice meeting you," I said again, inclining my head, before I turned round and followed Itachi back to the beach house. I didn't mean a word of it. I would have rather said, "I hope you fall into the ocean and drown, you sneaking, plotting, conniving, pathetic streak of wank." But I didn't, because my mind was already racing ahead, planning what I would do, how I would act around the boss, and what I would say (or not say to him) when we got back.
As soon as we were far enough away not to be overheard, Itachi fell into step beside me and told me frankly what he thought. He said, "Tell him nothing, Sasuke. I will make sure the others comply in not making this matter public. What he does not know will not hurt him. All you have to do is smile, smile, smile and be your usual superficially charming self. He will not suspect a thing."
Since I was thinking about choosing that option anyway, I was glad my brother, at least, was willing to go along with it. God knows, it's a hell of a lot better than having him oppose me and ruin me at every turn – but even though I am grateful, I'm a little unsure as to Itachi's motives. If anything, this is the opportunity he has been waiting for for months; the perfect time to sabotage my relationship with the boss - complete with ready-made excuse! I am wondering if perhaps Itachi is being kind in an odd way by minimising the chances of my getting hurt if the boss finds out Kimimaro is on the scene again and decides to go for it? Then again, it could just be Itachi's superiority complex kicking in; defending me from the inevitable and public humiliation I (and, more importantly, the Uchiha name) would face if the boss decided to drop me. I am as yet undecided on the matter. I have consulted Mallory but, unfortunately, I cannot absorb one molecule of his sage-like wisdom, as I cannot speak cat.
When we finally trudged back to the beach house, everyone was there, chattering away and waiting to dive into the bowls and trays of food that had been laid out by our three chefs for the evening. Sensibly, old lady Chiyo had arranged matters so that the boss was seated at the opposite end of the table from Itachi, and that proved something of a relief during the meal, I must say. However, such were the levels of anxiety that eventually began to permeate the veneer of calm I had hitherto managed to maintain, I could not bring myself to smile or be 'superficially' charming. as Itachi had suggested. Everyone else was talking and joking around, and the cheerful clatter of cutlery on china plates rang out in contrast to the somewhat soporific soughing of the waves breaking against the shore. All I could hear was a distant sort of buzzing noise in my ears as I sought to control the rising panic that was threatening to overwhelm me. The smell of grilled, fresh fish and the delicious food Gaara and the others had prepared, which would normally have set my mouth watering, made me feel sick to my stomach. My skin felt prickly and unpleasantly hot, despite the cooler night air, and, for some reason, I could not stop staring at the boss. I don't know why. He kept catching me, and he would laugh and make kissy faces at me. Once, though, he stuck his tongue out and frenched. No matter how low my feelings had sunk, I had to hit him for that one, though it was a fairly half-hearted attempt.
For the rest of the meal, I kept pushing my food around my plate, listening to everyone else being happy until I could take it no more. I stood up abruptly and excused myself, announcing that I didn't really feel very well and that I was going to go lie down for a bit. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the boss's head tilt to one side, regarding me with concern, and at that moment, I just wanted to be somewhere private so I could have a freak out in peace. Naruto and Sakura's heads both lowered, and they appeared to develop a renewed and vigorous interest in what was on their plates.
"What's wrong, Sasuke?" Kabuto asked. "Anything I could help you with?"
Inwardly, I cursed the fact that we had dragged along Kabuto, the overly-qualified medical doctor, who would destroy all pretences of illness with his freakishly in-depth knowledge of diseases.
"I'm just feeling a little bit hot and prickly," I said. "And a bit faint. I need to lie down."
Kabuto nodded thoughtfully and replied, "It could very well be mild heatstroke. Take a big glass of water and go to bed and rest for a while – though you'll have to eat something later to replace salt and potassium."
Inwardly, I took back all the foul cursing and thanked my lucky stars that Kabuto had supplied me with such an excellent excuse. I managed a faint smile and promised Kabuto I would, before I headed along to the room, a chorus of 'bye, Sasuke – come out later if you're feeling better' following me as I went. When I had closed the door behind me and had listened carefully to ensure no one had followed me inside, I let it all out.
Yowling and snarling, I leapt onto the bed and pummelled at it until my fists were all red and sore from fabric burns. When that didn't do it, I screamed into a pillow until I wrecked my throat. Unsatisfied still, I vaulted from my recumbent position on the bed and kicked the hell out of my suitcase, injuring my left foot. It was then I decided to quit while I was ahead, as I had already run up a sizable checklist of injuries and did not want to add to it on account of a stupid, slutty ho'bag from Mizugakure. So with a huff, I threw myself onto the bed and let my fury wash over me.
For ages, I don't know how long, I lay there in bed seething. I berated myself again and again, going over all the things I should have done, but didn't. I should have remembered that Kimimaro was here, I told myself; I should have remembered Suigetsu's mentioning he had to go to the Oto Mall for industrial strength bug spray one morning at work; I should have remembered Itachi's e-mail; I should have said no to Naruto, that the boss and I would be fine staying in Otogakure on our own, thank-you-very-much; I shouldn't have let Itachi drag me away from the table; I should have stopped Naruto from shouting at Suigetsu on the beach. It wasn't helping, though. The more I thought about it, the more agitated I became, until I started shaking. Whether it was out of anger, or just because I was upset, I don't know, but the more Uchiha-centric part of my mind, I must confess, did think that if Kabuto happened to come in to see how I was doing, the shaking would be a brilliant fake heat-stroke symptom. Just as that thought occurred to me, however, there was a knock on the door.
"C-come in," I said mournfully, putting on a faint, sickly voice.
It was not Kabuto who answered, but the boss.
"You will have to open the door, Sasuke-kun, I am carrying a tray," he said, with an edge of irritation. "And hurry up! It's heavy!"
Sighing, I rolled my eyes and swung my feet out of bed. I padded across the floor on my bare feet and opened the door to be greeted by the sight of the boss. He was, indeed, carrying a tray and it was piled high with fruit and cakes and other sweet things. Jamming his foot against the door so I couldn't try to avoid him by slamming it in his face, he barged his way in and set the tray on the bedside cabinet before perching himself on the end of the bed. As he was sitting there, he regarded me with quite an odd expression, one I am still unable to give a name to. His eyes were searching my face with such a degree of intensity that I began to feel rather exposed and itchy (itchy comes with the territory when I feel exposed or vulnerable, you see. It is very much an involuntary reaction). My eyes fell to the floor and I started scratching my left forearm in a sheepish, itchy sort of manner.
Then the boss smiled a little, thankfully broke eye contact, and said, "Shut the door, Sasuke-kun. I wish to speak with you."
Fine, I thought. The boss has come to give me a dressing-down for being unsociable. I can put up with that – with anything - as long as he's here and not with Kimimaro. And he has a tray of food. He can't be that angry, right? So I shut the door quietly and crossed the room, coming to sit down next to him on the bed. I don't mind admitting that it felt a relief to be close to him. It was reassuring, somehow. Similar to the feeling of having Itachi here and not with uncle Madara, but not quite the same. My train of thought, however, was abruptly derailed as the boss's voice cut across the line, addressing me frankly.
"Sasuke-kun," he said. "You do not have any form of heat-stroke," adding, when I began to protest, "I have been with you all afternoon and you have been perfectly fine. Kabuto is not the only member of our party with medical expertise, and you have shown no symptoms. Well none, at least," he continued, eyeing me with a calculating sort of look, "until you returned from your sojourn with Itachi and the others before dinner."
I said nothing and looked at my hands. I wasn't going to give him any ammo. He knew something was wrong – the boss is clever like that, and in that way, he has an advantage over people where someone like my brother, perhaps, would not. For though he's not emotional himself, he is incredibly emotionally astute in other ways. He knows how it all works, you see, in the way of such an intelligent observer, and if he can find a chink in your armour, he will pick away at it until you're completely exposed and he has what he wants from you. I know him sufficiently well to know his technique, and god knows I've seen him doing it to his employees enough times at work (they inevitably cave within five minutes and confess their wrongdoings – sometimes ones not even related to what the boss is trying to pin them for. It's hilarious.) So I remained silent and did not look at him.
Then I felt him shift slightly. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as he whispered in my ear, "Is there something you would like to tell me, Sasuke-kun?"
Okay, so maybe I was not quite so familiar with all of his techniques. My colleagues, after all, would not be subjected to having their personal space violated in such a manner. Well... no. That's not quite right, either. The boss does tend to shout in people's faces a lot, but I bet they've never had to withstand having their personal space violated in such an overtly sexual manner.
I steeled myself, and said, "No. I just feel a bit sick, is all."
I did not expect him to wrap both his arms around my waist and pull me against him. Now, I've had time to think about that and have come to the conclusion that it was a low and despicable move on his part. Reason? It destroyed the distance I was desperately trying to maintain, and it compelled me to look up into his eyes. I almost caved right there and then, and when the boss reached up and tucked a strand of my hair behind an ear, I began to gabble.
"I-I'm just feeling a bit out of sorts just now. Not sure why."
He smiled then, and kissed me on the forehead, before saying, "Would you like me to guess?"
"Not really," I muttered, unable to stop myself, which made the boss chuckle.
"I think," he began, ignoring my discomfort completely and guessing anyway, "you are out of sorts because Kimimaro-kun will be attending Gaara's little get-together tomorrow night—"
"WHAT?"
Like a shot, I leapt from the bed, almost dragging the boss along with me. If I was angry before, it was nothing to how I felt then. I was beside myself with fury. I swear to you, my head felt all hot and everything, and I seriously believe if the boss hadn't managed to calm me down, this time, I would have hauled off and committed a real, intensely violent, bloody and pre-meditated act of grievous bodily harm.
The boss looked a little shocked, and he pulled himself onto the bed again and said, "I gather from your reaction, Sasuke-kun, that you were not aware of this."
"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I WAS NOT AWARE OF THIS!" I shouted, gesticulating wildly and pacing across the floor. "WHO?" I demanded. "WHO INVITED HIM? WHO?"
The boss remained silent for a moment, as though he were weighing up how much havoc I would wreak were he to name names. Then he said, "It was Temari, Sasuke-kun, and—" he added, raising a finger in warning before I went off on one again, "—before you go charging outside to have it out with her, I must stress that she had absolutely no knowledge of my history with Kimimaro-kun or of your enmity towards him. After dinner, she walked back along to where you had left them, hoping to find them. When she did, she struck up something of a rapport with young Suigetsu and she invited him and Kimimaro-kun to attend the party tomorrow. After they had confirmed, she returned and announced to the rest of us that she had met two rather charming young men called Suigetsu and Kimimaro, and that she had invited them to the party.
"From Naruto and Sakura's despairing expressions, I quickly divined the reason for your disappearing act, and while the rest of our party saw it fit to explain to Temari, in overly hushed tones, that she had done something rather silly, I drew your friends aside and had a little chat with them—"
"You mean you exploited Naruto's inability to lie," I said hollowly.
"Something like that," he replied airily, waving a hand. "At any rate, Temari approached me not long after that, quite contrite, and seeking to apologise to both of us. I told her that it was not her fault, that she was not to know. She wished to apologise to you in person, but I told her that I would inform you of the situation, as she is quite attractive and I did not trust her to come to your room alone after the way she was acting around your brother earlier."
That last little titbit of information made me crack a smile, which signalled to the boss that I wasn't about to do anything stupid or illegal, and he came over and took my hand. At that point something else inside me cracked, and I groaned and sank to my knees – a heartfelt sound that seemed to come from the very core of my being.
"Why do these things always happen to me?" I said through gritted teeth.
"Because— oh, what was that rather droll little witticism you wrote in that diary of yours? — ah yes! It is because I am the sort of person who tends to attract trouble like tornadoes to trailer parks."
In an instant, all the rage and hatred was blown away like so much as dust, as it was replaced by an all-consuming fit of the giggles. I find it so incredibly funny when the boss tries to say things like that. He's probably never been near a trailer park in his life (Kisame and I drove past one once, so that's why I'm allowed to say it.) Then, because it was obviously safe to do so, the boss knelt down and attempted to kiss me, but I kept laughing, so he rolled his eyes, gave up and resorted to dragging me over to the bed, where he made me sit and eat some of the food he'd brought up (specially for me, I feel I must add, since the boss never let me forget it the whole night). As I was feeling a little better, I tried to initiate some heavy-petting, but the boss vetoed it, saying that Suna was too hot even for sex. I suggested sneaking out and having a shag in the sea. The boss looked tempted, but, torn between a man-made cooling system and nature's own, he went for the former.
So it was that I have thus far spent a good part of the night with the boss in our room, doing silly things like acting out the parts in the depressing Dostoyevsky novel he brought with him to read on the beach and seeing how many grapes we could fit in our mouths at once. The boss won that one, as he has a ridiculously large mouth. Seriously. I did not think it would be physically possible for a human being to be able to fit thirty-five grapes inside that particular orifice, but the boss has proven me wrong. I think I should write to New Scientist. They would definitely be interested in such freakish, space-defying dimensions. Either that or Ikea. The downside to our high-spirited tomfoolery, however, is the massive grape-juice stain on the clean, white sheets Gaara had provided us with, caused by the boss spraying the stuff everywhere when I surprise attacked him by giving him a wet willy. The boss was not pleased, as he snorted grape-juice up his nose, and he spent ten minutes after that glaring at me and blowing his nose while I rolled around on the bed, tears streaming down my cheeks from laughing so hard.
When we had both calmed down a little, the boss pulled me into a cuddle and we had a chat. It would take me a rather long time to condense three hours' worth of earnest conversation, so I suppose I can be forgiven for summarising it thus. I informed the boss that I was incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of Kimimaro showing up tomorrow, because I knew, I just knew, that he would try it on with him. The boss, in turn, told me that whether Kimimaro decides to show up or not tomorrow is not important, and that even though he knew full well that Kimimaro was still very much in love with him, even though they had something of a past, he had made his choice and would stick by it.
Why all of that took the best part of three hours, I will never know. All I knew was that by the end of it, I felt a hell of a lot better. I was still angry, yes, but it was no longer consuming me. Where before I was freaking out big-style, after, I felt liberated, confident, stronger and ready for a fucking war. I'm still feeling that way, actually, and that's why I can't get to sleep. The boss isn't quite asleep, either. He's lying across the bottom of the bed with his head leaning on my feet, dozing in that half-awake sort of way, in which one can perform no higher function than absently pet a kitten. Even with the air-con on, the heat really seems to be getting to him. I'll maybe nip down to the kitchen later and get him a long, cool drink with lots of ice-cubes in it. He'll like that.
I bet Kimimaro never fixed him long, cool drinks.
LATER: Naruto has just banged on the door, telling us to come out because Deidara has cracked out his fire poi and is giving lessons. My brother, apparently, within half an hour of getting his hands on the things, is executing moves which, according to my understanding, are called 'anti-spin flowers'. Naruto is extremely excited about this, and he is begging me to come out and have a go. I don't much fancy being outclassed once again by Itachi, but it does sound fun. Naruto tells me Itachi has stripped down to the waist and has shed his shoes, so he must really mean business.
I suppose I could go. I mean, I can always drag the boss along with me, so if Itachi decides to start any of his crap, I can set the boss on him.
Sounds like a plan. Will write later!
December 31st
I am writing this in the Sunagakure General Hospital, down in the new computer suite they have built for the use of visitors staying overnight with patients. It's not really a suite so much as a small, boxy room with a couple of old Dells and a 56k connection, but it will do. Considering the circumstances, I really should not complain.
The boss is the one in hospital, having treatment for heatstroke. Real heatstroke this time, not like my feeble attempt at faking it the other night. I've looked it up online and, apparently, it is a real medical emergency and can be life-threatening. Despite the Kabuto's and the doctors' best attempts to persuade me that the boss would, in all likelihood, make a full recovery, I feel horrible. It's like Karma has turned round and punished me for faking heatstroke by foisting it on my significant other. I want to cry, but I've got to hold it together.
Jiraiya is here, too, but he's downstairs getting two cups of coffee. The nurses tried to make him leave, but he keeps saying he'll sleep at the table in the cafe if he has to and that he's not going anywhere anytime soon. I believe he has contacted Tsunade and Sarutobi and that they are flying out straight away, cancelling their New Year's party. Though it is nice to see that people do care about the boss, the way they are all acting is not making me feel any better. In fact, it is the opposite. With them flying out at short notice like that – and this might sound incredibly silly – it's... well... it's deathbed behaviour, and I just can't bear thinking about it, even though I know in the back of my mind that the boss will probably be okay.
I guess I should write down what happened this afternoon. Who knows? It might even help me set events straight in my mind so I can give the consultant a better account of the boss's symptoms.
Traditionally, New Year at Gaara's starts early. Well, when I say 'early', I mean early for the lazy Suna lot. This meant that the boss and I blearily opened our eyes round about eleven-thirty in the morning. We had a kiss before dressing for the day.
Now because Kimimaro was going to appear, I had made up my mind last night while watching Itachi showing off with the poi that I would dress to kill and be devastatingly handsome (in case Kimimaro had the same idea.) After rummaging around in the wardrobe, I selected a light, white cotton shirt with three-quarter length sleeves and undone the top three buttons. This I teamed with a pair of black cut-offs, a pair of black trainer sandals, and to set it all off, I accessorised with a kick-ass pair of Ray Bans and one of those wooden bead necklaces surfer guys wear. I styled my hair with a few fingertips of wax and I was good to go. I looked fucking hot. Seriously. I mean, if I saw myself walking past at that moment, I would have lunged for me and would have given myself a thorough, sexual seeing-to in a back alley.
Being sensible as I am, I had managed to strike a delicate balance between cool, Uchiha chic and dressing for the weather. The boss, being a hard-headed idiot, however, did not. As he, too, was intent on looking fabulous, he pulled out one of his many stunning kimono and demanded that I help him into it. I tried to explain to him that if he was feeling uncomfortable yesterday with just the yukata on, then the heavy, solid black, silk kimono, plus nagajuban and obi would probably finish him off, what with the temperature being around forty degrees Celsius again. He brushed off my advice with an irritated wave of a hand and informed me, in an impatient tone, that he was used to the heat now and that he was sure he could tolerate it. After several more attempts at dissuading him, I sighed and gave up, though I insisted that he take a parasol with him.
It took about an hour to fix the boss's clothing until each article met his approval, so by the time we stepped out onto the decking for breakfast, the sun was high in the sky and beating down upon us without mercy. Yesterday, it was tolerable at least because a breeze was blowing in from the sea, but this morning, there wasn't even a breath of air. It was stifling. Everyone was fanning themselves with books and credit cards and take-away menus, but all we were doing was blowing hot air on our faces. I drank a shitload of water at the table (which earned me approving noises from Kabuto) and I tried to get the boss to drink more, but he can't really have much when he's corseted in like that, so all he had for breakfast was one small glass of water with a couple of ice cubes in it and a slice of watermelon. He seemed to be doing alright at that point, though – talking away quite normally – so I wasn't at all worried.
Before long, everyone began to drift away to do the things they wanted to do. Gaara retreated under a palm tree with Boris and his acoustic guitar. Deidara and Sasori were working together to build a sand sculpture of the Valley of the End (which they sat at the kitchen table and drew plans for last night, the sad gits that they are). Chiyo-baa and Ebizou were making a big batch of Long-Island Iced Tea for later on that night and Itachi organised a volleyball tournament for everyone else. It was teams of three, and Itachi forced me into playing and being on his team. He tried to rope the boss into it as well (no matter how much my brother loathes him, he knows the boss hates to lose and would, therefore, make a good and ruthless volleyball team member) but he had to settle for Kabuto, whom he also forced out of the sidelines and into play because the boss refused point-blank. Instead, the boss said, he would watch, and so a blanket and an umbrella were brought out for him to sit on.
And so a rather ferociously competitive series of volleyball matches commenced, in which Itachi's less charming side rose to the fore as he ordered Kabuto and I about like underlings. Team Uchiha (that was our name) pretty much destroyed Team Tits McGee (Sakura, Kiku and Jiraiya – guess who chose the name?) It was a two sets to nil victory and they only managed to score one point against us, though they weren't really trying. Kiku kept jiggling in her bikini and, it's fair to say, Jiraiya wasn't up for concentrating on much else. Team [blah were a different matter, however, as Temari and Kankurou are old hands at beach volleyball, and Naruto isn't shy at diving about the sand like a madman, risking friction burns and broken bones in order to get the ball over the net.
In consequence, the game ended up lasting for much longer than it should have, and by the time Itachi performed the blisteringly ferocious spike that won us the game, it had just turned two-thirty. Jiraiya Kiku and Sakura had been sitting with the boss on his blanket, cheering us on, and it was then that I began to notice something wasn't quite right with the boss. At first glance, it seemed like Jiraiya was chatting away to the boss, laughing and joking and nudging and being his general, dirty-minded cheerful self – but upon closer inspection, he was really only talking to himself. The boss was sitting there under the umbrella, hunched over slightly and staring out at the sea – occasionally offering Jiraiya a distant "Hmm" in reply. Slightly worried, in the midst of the high-fives being extended all round, I excused myself and jogged over to the spectators area.
"Are you feeling okay?" I asked him.
The boss blinked owlishly and looked up at me. When no answer was forthcoming, I repeated myself.
"Orochimaru-sama, are you feeling okay?"
The boss's brow furrowed in concentration and he pondered upon my question for a few seconds before saying, in a strangely detached tone, "I'm too hot, Sasuke-kun. I-I cannot think... My head... doesn't seem to be working properly..."
I made up my mind in an instant.
"That's it," I muttered, as I grabbed his wrist, hauling him up and steadying him by hooking my arm around his waist, "you're not staying out here a moment longer. We're going back, and I'm going to put you in a cold shower. Then, you're going to go to bed and I'm going to get Kabuto to have a look at you."
"Mmmm..." the boss murmured in reply as I began to drag him off towards the beach house.
Unfortunately, we had set up the net about ten minutes walk along the beach – near the little jetty where Gaara tied up his boat – and during what would have otherwise seemed a pathetically easy endeavour to a healthy human being, the boss's condition began to deteriorate with alarming rapidity. Halfway there, he started moaning and swatting the air with a hand, as though chasing away some sort of invisible irritant, and he was speaking to me – or to something, at least – but I couldn't understand a word as his speech was slurred and incoherent. At that point we were about halfway back, and alarm bells were ringing. Something was really wrong with the boss. I could feel the cold weight of dread forming in the pit of my stomach, and my mind was racing. What the hell was I supposed to do? Leave him on the sand and run to get Kabuto? Or Jiraiya? Or Kabuto and Jiraiya? Pull him into the sea to cool him down? Or would that be too much of a shock and make things worse? Would he kill me when he found out I'd ruined one of his best kimono by soaking him in saltwater?
I was so busy forming a plan of action that my feet were pretty much on autopilot – one in front of the other until we reached safe ground. Therefore, it comes as no surprise that I wasn't ready when the boss swooned suddenly when we were in sight of the beach house and sent us both tumbling to the ground. He landed heavily on the sand beside me, blinking up at the sky, clearly unable to focus. He was sweating and shaking and gasping for air, and by that point, I was terrified. I knew I had to do something, otherwise things would go from bad to worse, so with trembling hands, I rolled the boss onto his side and desperately started unpicking the knot on his obi. I had to remove the heavy clothes. I had to get him into the sea. I had to cool him down somehow.
Labouring as I was in a haze of single-minded panic, I remained unaware of the approach of Suigetsu and Kimimaro until they were but a few feet away. They were heading along from the other end of the beach towards the house, carrying plastic bags full of mixers, when, I can only presume, they clocked the boss lying spread-eagled on the sand with me on my knees frantically attempting to divest him of his clothing. I can only imagine what Kimimaro must have thought, but Suigetsu, the insufferable, retarded twat that he is, began to wolf-whistle.
On the point of hysteria, as the boss was in a really bad way, I whipped round ready to give the stupid, mystery arsehole a piece of my mind. When I saw Suigetsu standing there next to Kimimaro, waving at me and grinning idiotically, I lost it.
"SUIGETSU, YOU STUPID, FUCKING WANKER!" I screamed, flailing both arms wildly, causing sand to fly everywhere. "THE BOSS IS SICK!"
"What?" he said, suddenly deadly serious, the grin vanishing from his face as though I'd slapped it off him. Kimimaro went pale, and he dropped his bags and started running towards us, towards where the boss lay.
"HE IS SICK, SUIGETSU! GET KABUTO! GET KABUTO NOW!"
To his credit, Suigetsu had been sensible enough to bring his phone with him, and he whipped it out and punched in Kabuto's number. I did not know how the conversation transpired because it was round about then that Kimimaro dropped to the ground at the boss's side, grabbed his shoulders and started shouting, "Orochimaru-sama! Orochimaru-sama!" and when the boss did not respond, turned to me and, his eyes glinting with cold fury, said, "What have you done to him? What have you done to Orochimaru-sama?"
My jaw dropped.
"Me?" I seethed, astounded that the evil skank had the audacity to level such a bullshit accusation against me. "It was nothing to do with me! He's been out in the sun for too long, you idiot shit, and if you don't shut the hell up and get away from me, I'll punch you in the mouth!"
"And who let him get into such a state in the first place?" Kimimaro hissed, leaning over the boss's prostrate form, his face coming so close to mine we were almost nose-to-nose. "Jiraiya? Deidara? Your brother?" He laughed a hollow laugh. "No. It was you, Uchiha Sasuke. You, the one person who is supposed to care for Orochimaru-sama above all others. You don't deserve his love, you vain, preening, self-satisfied, selfish little—"
Kimimaro, unfortunately, did not get to finish that sentence – the reason being that I chose that precise moment to draw back a fist and punch him in the face as hard as I physically could, feeling it connect with a deeply satisfying crunch. Caught off-guard, Kimimaro yelped angrily and reeled backwards, clutching at his nose, which was dripping blood on the sand. I lunged for him, and all hell broke loose.
Suigetsu did his best to separate us, and was screaming at us to "STOP FIGHTING, YOU RETARDS! STOP FIGHTING! LIKE, SERIOUSLY!" but it was like trying to get Itachi to admit defeat, or like telling Deidara it wasn't such a good idea to light that fire, or like trying to dissuade Naruto from sticking his head between two railings to see what would happen: a futile exercise in the extreme. If Itachi hadn't turned up and hauled me off him, I do not know what I would have done to Kimimaro. I don't much want to think about it, because would involve prodding a very ugly part of my psyche and examining it in detail, and I'm not really up for that at the moment.
"Get off me, Itachi!" I heard myself snarling, shoving him roughly in the chest. "I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kill him!"
"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Jiraiya roared, pinning a struggling Kimimaro's arms up behind his head. "YOU BOTH CLAIM TO CARE ABOUT ORO, BUT YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY MORE CONCERNED WITH KNOCKING LUMPS OUT OF ONE ANOTHER!"
Jiraiya's words struck straight to the core and my heart plummeted. I fell limp in Itachi's arms as the acute, agonising sensation of culpability threatened to overwhelm me. He was right.
Suddenly, I was no longer angry at Kimimaro, but at myself. And that was so much worse.
"H- Has anyone called an ambulance yet?" I said, my voice thick with emotion.
Kabuto answered from his place kneeling at the boss's side, checking his temperature with a hand across his forehead. "Suigetsu did, Sasuke, before he contacted me," he said, before adding, pointing to the discarded obi, "is this your handiwork?"
My words tumbled out in a rush of agitated feeling. "I- I was trying to get the kimono off and get him into the sea... I mean, I told him not to wear it this morning, but he wouldn't listen... you know what he's like... and I was trying, but my fingers kept slipping and he couldn't breathe and I was panicking because he was slipping away from me... and... and then Suigetsu came and I sort of screamed at him to get you because you'd know what to do and... oh god, is he going to be okay? Please tell me he's going to be okay?"
Kabuto looked unsettlingly grave for a moment before he replied, "Well, Sasuke, you at least attempted to do all the right things. It was just a pity you were interrupted" he added, throwing a filthy look at Kimimaro, who turned away, "because immersion in cool water would have helped reduce his core temperature immensely."
"Then we'll do that," I said firmly, determined to take charge and make up for my previous transgressions. "You take one arm and I'll take the other. Jiraiya can take his legs. Everyone else get back to the house and tell Chiyo-baa and Ebizou what's happened and bring the paramedics straight here when they arrive."
I almost had another fight with Kimimaro because he took umbrage with my ordering people around, but the crisis was averted by Jiraiya, who told him to go and wait in the house with Suigetsu. And hey, at least I was doing something – unlike him. He was just taking up valuable breathing space. Clearly, he realised this and came to his senses, for when we finally got rid of the kimono and carefully began to lift the boss and lower him gently into the water, Kimimaro huffed and stomped off and left us to it (thank god – the thought of his hands being anywhere near the boss, unconscious or not, is making me want to prod at that ugly part of my psyche with intent on letting it run riot all over his face with a razor blade).
About ten minutes later, the paramedics arrived with Chiyo and Sakura in tow. They had to wade in to reach the boss and they laid him out on a stretcher and took him away into the van. Seeing the boss lying there like that, flitting in and out of consciousness and shaking violently... it was... it was beyond horrible. I just froze up. I didn't know how to react. I couldn't reconcile the image the of the man before me with the man I know and feel an extraordinary amount of affection for: Orochimaru-sama, my boss, with his indefatigable energy, fierce intellect and ruthless charm. I felt suddenly as though he was being taken away from me in some way, and I had to fight the urge to knock over the paramedics and hold on to him. This was put to the test when the boss woke briefly and I heard him say, very weakly, in the back of the ambulance, "Sasuke-kun? Where is Sasuke-kun?"
My stomach tied itself in a knot. More than anything, I wanted to be there with him. I wanted to say to him, with a cheerfulness I did not possess, "I'm here, Orochimaru-sama, don't get your panties in a twist". I wanted to hold his hand on the way to the hospital. I wanted to be beside him in case – god forbid – in case anything happened to him.
I was very grateful, then, when I felt Jiraiya's hand upon my shoulder and heard him say, his voice uncharacteristically quiet, "Get in the van, Uchiha. You're coming with me. And Kabuto? Get your arse up to the hospital A.S.A.P. I don't want any quack doctors messing around with my best friend. Got that?"
Chiyo said she would follow behind the ambulance in her car and bring Kabuto.
When the arrangements were made, the female paramedic helped Jiraiya and I into the van and closed the doors. Inside, the spare medic had hooked the boss up to a drip, and was shoving ice packs under his arms and between his legs. The boss was still shivering and his skin was flushed.
"Uchiha-san," he said, handing me a plastic cup filled with cloudy liquid. "Hold his head up and try and get him to drink some of this for me. The traffic isn't too bad at the moment, so we should get there in about fifteen minutes or so."
I did my best to get him to drink something, but the first time the cup touched his lips he moaned and turned his head. "Please, Orochimaru-sama," I whispered. "You know you have to take something." So I tried again, and he took the contents of the cup, however unwillingly. Unfortunately, within a minute, he vomited it back up again.
"No more..." the boss croaked, his eyes squeezed shut.
"Okay, Orochimaru-sama," the medic called out in that loud clear voice they use specially for talking to delirious individuals. "We're going to take you to the hospital. Sasuke is here, and so is Jiraiya-sama. They're going to stay with you. A room has already been made available for you and the doctors are waiting to give you a nice cold bath."
The boss responded by being sick again, and for the rest of the journey, I was consigned to the rickety little seat at the corner of the van, where all I could do was watch as the medic took the boss's blood pressure, his temperature and performed other standard tests while trying to stop him from choking on his own vomit. It all seemed so unreal – like something out of a dark, rushing nightmare where sound and light were distorted and people did not behave as they should. Jiraiya was sitting on the other chair in the corner across from me, staring at the floor, lost in thought. The siren was wailing, and the engine a dull, faint roar vying for dominance with the more immediate sound of the boss throwing up everywhere. Everything slid when the ambulance turned a corner, or shook when it drove over a speed bump, and the whole scene was bathed in that strange, eerie hospital half-light, which was what made the situation nightmarish, more than anything else.
I was extremely thankful when the ambulance rolled to a stop outside the entrance to the Suna General hospital and the doors were thrown open. The boss was wheeled away and transported into intensive care. Jiraiya and I were not allowed in. Chiyo kicked up a fuss on our behalf, but the nurses were adamant. We still haven't been allowed in to see him, but I've been tormenting the life and soul out of Kabuto, who is in turn tormenting the doctors, constantly asking them how the boss is doing. Apparently, his temperature is slowly returning to normal, though he is still unable to keep fluids down, which is something of a problem. Kabuto also said that he is no longer delirious, and is, instead, sleeping soundly, which was the last I heard before I parted ways with Jiraiya and came down here for a moment.
Now that everything is up to speed, I'd better send this to myself and head back down to the cafeteria to see if we're allowed to see him yet.
I really hope so.
I want him to be okay again.
LATER:
Well, I have good news to report. The boss isn't going to die anytime soon and the blood tests showed no major organ damage. The bad news is that he was most definitely suffering from heat stroke - thus he will not be discharged for another few days yet at least. New Year at the Suna General hospital, here I come!
It was seven in the evening before the consultant gave the green light for visitors, and by that time, Sarutobi and Tsunade had shown up and Chiyo had gone home to report to the others. After quick bite of tasteless chilli and rice from the cafeteria, we all trekked up to ward thirteen and were directed to the little room the boss had been put up in.
I didn't know what to expect when I walked in, what sort of condition I would find the boss in, but when I opened the door and saw him lying there, propped up on pillows and hooked to an IV drip, the emotions I had been fighting desperately to keep under wraps began to bubble to the surface.
Gingerly, the boss turned his head and opened his eyes. Upon seeing me standing there, a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
"Sasuke-kun...?"
"What?" I whispered, tears beginning to sting the corners of my eyes.
Then he answered, his voice considerably less faint and more the way I'm used to hearing on a daily basis.
"Where is my kimono? You better not have ruined it. You know it is a one-off piece—"
Needless to say, whatever I was expecting, it wasn't that – and I exploded.
"YOU!" I shrieked, angry and tearful and brandishing a finger at him. "DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS? NO, I DON'T EXPECT YOU DO, BECAUSE WHILE YOU WERE FAINTING ALL OVER THE PLACE WITH YOUR EYES ROLLING IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO VAIN AND TOO DAMN STUBBORN TO LISTEN TO ME THIS MORNING, WHEN I TOLD YOU REPEATEDLY NOT TO WEAR IT, I WAS TRYING TO GET YOUR STUPID, PRECIOUS BLOODY KIMONO OFF YOU AND GET YOU INTO THE SEA!"
"Sasuke-kun," Sarutobi began, laying a hand on my shoulder, "this is not really the time—"
"IT WAS FAR TOO HEAVY!" I yelled, ranting on, ignoring Sarutobi completely. "YOU KNEW THAT, AND YET YOU PERSISTED— NO, YOU INSISTED— ON WEARING THE DAMN THING! YOU NEVER, EVER LISTEN! EVER! AND NOT EVEN A 'THANK YOU, SASUKE-KUN, FOR HELPING SAVE MY SORRY ARSE BECAUSE I WAS TOO OUT OF IT TO DO IT MYSELF". NO, NOT EVEN GRATITUDE. GOD, I COULD SLAP YOU RIGHT NOW, OROCHIMARU-SAMA, I REALLY COULD!"
It was then I noticed the boss was laughing, and my jaw dropped. He was not doing what I thought he was doing. Was he? He looked at me, and when I clocked the faint, mischievous twinkle in his eyes, my fears were confirmed.
Despite being stricken with the most severe, potentially life-threatening form of heat-related illness, the insufferable bastard was still perfectly willing and able to play silly buggers and wind me up.
"You..." I said, seething through clenched teeth, as I stormed over to the chair next to his bed and threw myself down on it, feeling somewhat humiliated. "You are an imbecile. I can't believe you..."
"And I cannot believe you either, Orochimaru," Sarutobi said severely, snatching at the opportunity to lecture the boss. "I cannot believe you let yourself get into such a state. I have had to cancel my attendance at Asuma's party because of your foolishness."
And for the next half an hour or so, the boss huffed and rolled his eyes as Sarutobi berated him for being a vain prat. It was quite funny, really, because normally the boss would flounce off in a strop or would walk away and ignore him, but as he was confined to a hospital bed, he had no option but to put up with it. Jiraiya and Tsunade started sniggering, and the boss got a bit tetchy and told them to get out. They ended up wandering off down the corridor – Tsunade in search of the consultant, and Jiraiya outside to phone Kiku to tell her he would be staying at the hospital and to ask whether she wanted to stay at the beach house or come over in a cab.
Not long after that, the boss developed an avoidance strategy to stave off Sarutobi's haranguing offensive by pretending to be asleep. Sarutobi looked at him and smiled slightly, shaking his head.
"That boy," he said in his rumbling voice. "He worries me, sometimes. And Sasuke-kun, if he wakes up, tell him I've gone out for a smoke. I'd better phone Asuma too while I'm at it. I'll be back soon."
A few seconds later and his footsteps were fading fast down the corridor, following Jiraiya and Tsunade. Then the boss opened one eye and said, "Is he gone?"
I said that he was, and the boss smiled slightly.
"I feel like hell, Sasuke-kun," he said.
"You look like hell," I retorted, with an evil grin, feeling able to get away with a bit of cheek due to the sense of relief buoying me up.
"If I never see that kimono again, I feel I shall be quite content..."
"If you never see that kimono again, it'll be an injustice, after the lengths you went to to keep it on today."
He paused for a moment to catch his breath, and then said. "That was incredibly stupid of me, wasn't it?"
"Yes," I said frankly. "It was."
"I don't think I'll do it again," he said. "I find heat stroke an incredibly unpleasant illness. I think I was hallucinating because I could have sworn I saw you fighting with Kimimaro."
My face flushed bright red, and I looked away, saying nothing. When the boss realised nothing was forthcoming, he added, in a voice that was far too innocent and casual, "You have a black eye, Sasuke-kun. Did you know that?"
"No," I said, telling the truth. I knew something was sore round about that area, but I have not looked in a mirror since this morning. No prizes for guessing who gave me it, I thought to myself ruefully.
"You can borrow some of my make-up to cover it if you like," he continued. "I must say I feel rather better knowing you finally comprehend the pain of inconvenient, mildly-disfiguring, superficial bruising..."
Then he trailed off mid-smirk to gaze at a point somewhere behind my head. From the odd, closed expression on his face, I knew right away that it would not be Sarutobi or any of the others. I turned round and my insides went cold as I saw Kimimaro standing there at the door, twisting his fingers in his hands. He looked terrible; his tunic top covered in smears of blood from my punching him in the nose, his hair in tangles, and his face covered in dust and friction burns. Obviously, he had been doing a lot of crying. His eyes were red-rimmed and glassy, and when he spoke, his voice was on the verge of giving out.
"Orochimaru-sama," he ventured, in a soft, strange and vulnerable sort of way. "How are you?"
There was a long silence before the boss replied.
"I will live, Kimimaro-kun," he said eventually, not unkind, but not encouraging either.
Subdued, Kimimaro nodded. "That is all I wanted to hear. Forgive my intrusion, but I could not stand idly by when... I mean... I could not bear the thought of—" he began to say agitatedly before he caught himself, seeming to almost to strangle himself into silence with his words. Then, in a gesture which must have taken a phenomenal amount of effort, he smiled sadly and bowed to the boss.
"I do apologise," he said, "and I will leave you now to rest. But would you please let me know, or have Kabuto let me know how your recovery progresses?"
The boss nodded. "I will," he said.
And an instant later, Kimimaro turned and was gone.
Jiraiya must have passed him in the hallway, because he came in blustering and grumbling.
"Was he in here? Was he causing any trouble?" he demanded, setting down the two cups of coffee he'd brought up so hard that the contents slopped over the edges and dribbled down onto the sideboard. "Because if he was, Oro, so help me, I'll—"
"It's fine, Jiraiya," the boss said irritatedly, a little breathless and obviously running out of energy. "He wanted to see how I was, that was all. Now, please," he added, "I case you've forgotten, I am suffering from the after-effects of heat-stroke and I am rather tired. If you could let me sleep, I would be much obliged."
Jiraiya muttered something inaudible but probably obscene in reply and sat down on the chair beside me and whipped out a crossword book he had purchased at the little shop on the ground floor. Tsunade and Sarutobi came back with Kiku in tow (she said she wanted to spend her New Year with Jiraiya, and if it meant sleeping sitting up on a chair next to a hospital bed, then that was okay with her). Kiku very kindly brought my laptop, and I have nipped away for a few minutes to use it while the boss is still sleeping. There is a wireless hotspot with a much better connection at the nurses' desk that they've kindly let me use, and I have dashed off an e-mail and sent it to everyone to tell them that the boss is still really ill but that he'll recover.
God, what a day.
I'm so tired and sore from running about while out of my mind with worry, stress, fear and homicidal jealousy. I'm grateful to the core that I don't have to go back to the beach house and join the party, because I don't think I could pretend to be jovial at the moment. All I want to do tonight is sit in the comfy chair next to the boss's bed and watch him (there is one comfy chair in that room – only one – and there is a tense undercurrent of competition whenever someone leaves it vacant. When this occurs, there usually follows a scrum and lots of elbowing. Tsunade and Jiraiya actually clattered heads during one of said scrums, which made Kiku and I giggle so much that the boss snorted and woke up.)
I'm luckier than the others, I suppose, in that the hospital offered me a roll out guest bed to sleep on in the boss's room (I say 'bed'; it's really more of a hammock in a metal frame on wheels. I'm going to be in for a rough couple of nights, it seems.) The others are going to be hanging out at the cafeteria. Chiyo turned up not long ago with sleeping bags and pillows (and a few secret bottles of the Long Island Iced Tea she made) before briefly checking in on the boss, lecturing him, giving him a watery-eyed hug, and then heading back.
Oh! It seems the boss is awake again. I can see Kabuto chatting, and since he's the only one in the room at the moment, it's pretty much a given (unless he's talking to himself. One never knows with Kabuto...)
Man, the boss is going to be so pissed off that he can't have any of the alcohol old lady Chiyo sneaked in. All he's allowed is that oral re-hydration fluid stuff that doesn't taste much of anything.
Ha! I'm going to dangle the bottle in his face and drink it in front of him. That'll be more than enough punishment for his idiocy, I should think. Then, if he falls asleep before midnight, I'm going to wake him up and kiss him – to hell with what anyone else says. If I have to miss the party, I'll be damned if I'm not getting my New Year's kiss.
Right... better go. Kabuto's just popped his head round the door and says the boss wants me.
January 1st
I'm a bit tipsy from the drink (what the hell did they put in that stuff?) but I want to write this down now before I forget.
I had my New Year's kiss at midnight, and although it wasn't the best I'd had from the boss (his lips were all dry and cracked and there wasn't much power behind it), he whispered something in my ear that made it all worthwhile.
He said, "Thank you, Sasuke-kun..."
For some reason, this simple act of recognition affected me upon a profound level. Maybe it was because I had never actually heard the boss say it to me and really, really mean it. I had to suppress the urge to squeeze him and kiss him into a swoon because, considering the boss's delicate condition, the doctor probably wouldn't have approved.
My original plan was to go down to the cafeteria to join the others once the boss fell asleep, but... I don't think I will. Since I have been afforded the luxury of the hammock on wheels, I feel it is my responsibility to sit on the comfy chair for at least another hour, hold the boss's hand and stop him from flailing off the bed. Not because I want to, of course. It's a sense of duty, I swear! One that I should probably get back to, so I suppose I should wish you a Happy New Year and leave you to your devices.
Happy New Year, everyone!
- Sasuke. xxx
One word about the manga...
OMGWTFBBQ ITACHI THE EYE-SNATCHER !? And who screamed in the last chapter? God, I hate cliffhangers, lol. As for the chapter, yeah. I feel kind of sorry for Kimi. He really is still madly in love with Oro, but Sasuke is the man in the Otokage's life at the moment, and I guess Sasuke needs a little bit of nookie too.
As for Itachi's poi spinning skillz - if you've never encountered poi before, then you have to check out this link: http // www (dot)youtube(dot)com(slash)watch?vVCcLZUT81Lw I imagine him to be as good as Yuta (who is a god of poi, btw).
But onto more important things. It's thank-you time!
Nozomi-sama (Lol, glad you liked the chapter. Oro is quite devious. Sasuke doesn't give him enough credit, but I think he's beginning to realise now. And I agree about Gaara's dad. If there's anyone who deserves a punching in the face, it's him).
NaruGuru (Aie! Flu-shot. Noes. :-( I hate needles. Never used to until I had a very painful blood test taken not so long ago. Ouch. And yes! He has accepted Kiku! I'm so glad you picked up on that one. I'm also with you on the total freakiness levels of Oro in the anime at the moment. I squirmed at the oral rebirth technique.)
OroGirl21 (Hee, hello there! Glad you liked the line. I couldn't stop laughing when I made it up – and I have no idea where it came from. I just remembered what Gaara's name meant and, flash, it hit me. I guess Oro is just inspiring. )
danni quinn (I fear you and your ability to spot filler. XD You must have Sharingan eyes, or something. Also, there is a reason neither of them have said the three little words to one another yet. It's going to be quite important, though, and is yet another thing you have spotted. Hope your midterms went well!)
Niver (Hello again! You guys are so great with your reviews, you always make me smile. Yes, Oro is the best humour mill ever. Even in canon, he's always running his mouth off and taunting people to the point where the turn round and smack him. Best villain ever (and he should be final villain). And you and NaruGuru totally summed up the last chapter in five lines with that chat, lol. I love it! XD)
chibibaka1 (Lol, I'm glad you liked the line. I was killing myself laughing when I was writing it, thinking "God, Kishi, you have just set Gaara up for this one, you really have." And, man, Itachi is bloody well blind! Well, blind-ish. Not quite sure whether I'll be doing anything with that yet or not.)
eerabbit (Cheers for the review. And I really love that e-mail address. If someone else hasn't adopted it already, I think it might be time for a new addy.)
missyserena214 (Hi again! Thanks for the review. And I agree. Gaara's mum is a total cow. I always feel so sorry for him.)
borisbear (Yay! A new reviewer! And your name includes "Boris", which is the best ever name, by the way. I'm so glad this story makes you feel good. I like writing it (though maybe a little too much as it kind of takes over my uni stuff, lol). I was shocked to hear about your Itachi-esque behaviour. At such a young age, too. I am afraid to say that there is no hope for you. You will end up stealing eyeballs like Itachi. Best prepare yourself. XD)
fiore777 (The Onion does rock. Many a time it has cheered me up when I've had a shitty day, or when I think the world is a shithole full of horrible shits. I lol'ed at your comment about Oro and Gaara's dad. I think that might actually be the one good thing Oro did (and good ammo to use against folk like durtycheese on NF). Neji is the perfect choice for a psychologist, thinking he can analyse everyone.)
SlythCommand (Hi again! Thanks for the reviews. It's always nice to see your name popping up on the board. Glad you like the masturbator line and Gaara's e-mail addy. Hope you liked this chapter.)
eqwrwerew (Hi there! It's always nice to read comments where people say, "Hey, I don't mind that this fic is OroSasu, because I just like it". That's sort of what I was going for. Thanks for the lovely review.)
ArilianaFireQueen (Yay! You got your hundred points! And I'm glad you liked the last chapter. Sorry to hear you got dragged out against your will at New Year, but at least you won't be sitting in a hospital like Sasuke, lol. Bookstores are the best, though. The last time I went in, I spent £30 on an encyclopaedia of snakes. Hope you liked this chapter.)
Tristechan (Yay! Another new reviewer. Glad you liked my Madara. It took me ages trying to decide how to portray him, and I hope I'm not too wide off the mark. He'd better be a good main villain. He's got a lot to live up to. Oro was just fantastic.)
hieilover135 (Dang, I was rather hoping no one would notice the job change because it was so many chapters ago and a bit of a passing reference. I'll definitely need to go back and edit. Shino has stepped in as the IT guy and Neji is now the shrink – much better for Neji, don't you think?)
Zinjah (Seriously, dude, your reviews always make me crack up. I'm now being plagued by extremely unsavoury images, and it's all your fault. XD)
skytten (One-hundred points to you! And it's no bother. I like answering questions from reviewers. I'm so glad you're cheering for Oro and Sasuke – they are pretty attached to each other at the moment – though hopefully you won't be too sad when everything starts to go tits up, because I plan on making it as bitchy and as funny as possible. Hope you liked this chapter. Your reviews rock.)
Bri (Woo for the last minute review! Thanks so much for the compliments. Sasuke loves teh kitties and the masturbator comment made me crack up too, and I was writing it!)