Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, but hey, a gal can dream, right?
Jessie: Hiya people! Hope I didn't take too long to update…
Joh: Not at all, Nee-san!
Jessie: …You sure?
Joh: Nods happily Shaw!
Jessie: Do you not see why I love my sis?
Joh: Aww!
Jessie: Warning, this chapter contains violent mood swings, rather odd antics from our favorite chibi, and a true sign of the apocalypse!
Joh: Snickers
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"Envy!" The Homunculus in question, currently draped across the couch, looked toward the doorway, where Ed had just appeared, smiling uncontrollably and looking slightly flushed from excitement. He was only wearing his underwear, and one of Envy's tops.
"Ne, what is it, Edo?" Envy asked, propping himself up into a sitting position. Ed hurried over to Envy, and stopped directly in front of him. Envy looked up into Ed's happy expression. Ed merely grabbed one of Envy's wrists, and pressed his hand gently against his abdomen.
Envy blinked in confusion, before realization hit him, and his eyes widened in shock. Seeing that Envy had noticed, Ed let go of Envy's wrist, watching his reaction quietly. Speechless, Envy moved his hand up, before slowly sliding it down, feeling the slight but definite swell on Ed's stomach. He looked up, still very wide-eyed into Ed's grinning face.
"I don't know whether to be horrified or ecstatic," he laughed sheepishly.
It had been three weeks since Al had visited the two to find out Ed was pregnant, and he made sure to call frequently, and ask if there were any signs of Ed showing. Just previously, the answer had always been "no," and while they were on the topic, Ed always said he was thankful he wasn't showing yet, and that he hoped he would remain thin as long as possible because he only had a month before his time off from work was up.
A sudden grin broke across Envy's face, and he pulled Ed down to sit on his lap. He wrapped his arms possessively around Ed's waist, and gently rubbed Ed's front.
"That's my kid in there," he said smugly, giving Ed's tummy a gentle pat. Ed blushed slightly, but nodded.
"Told ya you wouldn't stay thin for long," Envy smirked as he kissed the back of Ed's neck. Ed was suddenly silent, and he lowered his head, bangs covering his eyes as the chibi got up, and his mood suddenly turned for the worst.
"Ne…O'chibi, what's wrong?" Envy asked, noticing the mood change at once. Ed glared daggers at the violet-eyed Homunculus.
"WHO YOU CALLING SO FAT HE CAN'T GET OFF THE COUCH!" Ed screamed at Envy. Envy looked slightly miffed, and stuck a finger into his ear.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that," he said sarcastically, blinking before smiling broadly at the furious alchemist.
"Did you just react the way you save when an insult is directed at your height to being called pregnant?" Envy asked slowly. Ed stared at Envy before he sniffled softly, the corners of his lips quivering dangerously. Envy's eyes widened.
'Oh, hell no, he is not gonna start to-'
The blonde broke into tears.
"I'm fucking pregnant, it's your child, and all you can point out is my stupidity," Ed wailed. Envy sweat dropped.
"Edo, I-I never said-" Ed's sobs become louder.
Envy closed his eyes, and counted to ten, listening to Ed's racking sobs and forcing himself to remain sane. He began thinking of the best way to deal with the situation of hand. The solution came to mind immediately, and, no matter how much he didn't want to say it so quickly into the argument, he really wanted Ed to stop crying …
"…Alright, Ed. You're right. That was stupid. I'm…I'm sorry," Envy said in a rush. Ed's sobs ceased at once.
"Really?" He asked with a pathetic sniffle. Envy forced a bright smile.
"Yep." Ed smiled happily.
"Then you don't think I'm fat?"
"No, Ed. You're not fat. You're pregnant," Envy pointed out. This seemed to have been the best possible answer Envy could have given, for Ed leaned down to peck Envy on the lips before he walked out of the room, humming softly to himself. Envy remained on the couch, before settling back down with a sigh. He closed his eyes, having every intention of returning to his nap.
'Well, that was pretty…strange.'
…Envy had absolutely no idea how much stranger it was going to get.
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"Envy!" Envy groaned and opened his eyes. There was Ed standing in the doorway to the kitchen, gazing at him with wide eyes.
"I dreamt I had a –really– short nap," he mumbled irritably as he sat up, rubbing the back of his hand across his eyes tiredly. Ed blinked innocently.
"But I left you alone for a full ten minutes!" Ed said sweetly, smiling angelically as he neared the Homunculus. Violet eyes blinked in a bored manner.
"…Edo?"
"Hmm?"
"…Whadya want?" Upon reaching Envy, Ed tilted his head to the side questioningly, and smiled coyly.
"Why, Envy! What on earth would make you think I wanted something?" Ed exclaimed.
"No…really…lets get this over with quickly; what do you want, Ed?" Envy repeated the last part slowly. Ed sighed overdramatically, and plopped down next to Envy with a quiet thump. Ed lifted a hand and lazily traced Envy's features with a finger.
"Well, since you insist on getting me something…" Ed trailed off, a smirk twitching on the corners of Ed's lips. Envy stared at him, waiting for Ed to continue.
"…Yes?" Envy pressed when there was no immediate answer. Ed's hand dropped down from Envy's face, and he smiled sweetly.
"…We don't have any milk." Envy raised an eyebrow, and stared at Ed expectantly.
"Yes. That's because I don't drink it, and you hate it," Envy explained casually.
"…But I want some," Ed whimpered. Envy tensed. Ed blinked in confusion as Envy began scooting cautiously away from him.
"…Who are you, and what the fuck did you do with Edward Elric?" Envy asked, his eyes wide. Ed pouted slightly.
"What? So I'm not allowed to drink milk?"
"I thought you didn't drink "liquid secreted from a cow." Envy said dryly, making sure to quote the chibi for emphasis. Ed shrugged.
"Well, I want some now," Ed said slowly, as though he were explaining this to a small child. Envy continued to stare incredulously at the blonde.
"So? Will you get some for me?" Ed asked, putting on his best puppy-dog face. Envy remained frozen in a sitting position, staring wide-eyed at his lover.
'It's only hormones, it's not permanent. It's only hormones, it's not permanent. It is only hormones, it is not permanent,' Envy repeated in his mind. Suddenly snapping out of his reverie, he grinned at Ed.
"Sure thing, Edo," he finally replied, jumping to his feet and giving Ed a quick embrace before moving towards the door.
"Envy!" Envy stopped short in his tracks, took a deep breath, centered himself, and turned around, smiling broadly at Ed.
"Yes, Chibi?" He asked. If Ed had been any saner at the moment, he would have spotted at once that the comment sounded dangerously close to sarcasm. Right now, Ed's hormones were out of whack. (A/N: Poor Ed. He's short, pregnant, and has hormonal issues…)
"That was a lame goodbye," Ed murmured, slinking towards the taller of the two. He pressed himself up against the Homunculus, and moved his hands to the back of Envy's head, entwining his fingers in Envy's green hair and drawing his head down to his to capture his lips in a deep kiss. Envy sighed in relief against Ed's lips, and kissed back heatedly, smirking inwardly when he felt Ed's knees buckle. His arms found their way around Ed's waist, and he gently pulled the chibi closer against himself.
It hit Envy when he felt Ed straining to hold their kiss that the poor blonde had to breathe. He broke away, grinning broadly at the flushed alchemist.
"…You do know that you can get anyone to do anything you like with the way you kiss, right?" Envy chuckled. Ed grinned back, still panting for breath.
"Yeah, I know," he said, his grin turning smug.
'Finally,' Envy thought in relief, 'a hint of my chibi.'
"I'll be back in a bit, Edo," Envy said as he headed towards the door. He turned back a moment, and, after a quick wink sent Edward's way, he left the house. Ed waited until he heard the door close to plop back down onto the couch, and take Envy's position, crossing his arms behind his head as a pillow. He sighed contentedly; both he and Envy knew that he could –never– have been able to convince Envy to go out to get him something so easily.
Being pregnant definitely had its advantages.
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Envy watched in horrified fascination as the blonde chibi brought the full glass of milk to his lips, and drank it without the slightest hint of a gag. Ed downed the milk in a mere ten seconds, and smiled happily as he placed the glass down on the kitchen counter.
"I guess I was wrong…milk isn't so bad," he chuckled to himself. Envy could only shake his head in amazement. First, Ed wants milks for the first time in years, then he admits to himself that he was wrong about something in good humor, all in the span of one measly hour. Incredible.
His mission of drinking milk hereby accomplished, Ed started toward the doorway to the living room. Envy sighed in resignation, picking up Ed's glass, and placing it in the sink. He turned around, hand on his hip, to stare after Ed in awe.
"Wow. So Ed performed the first perfect Human Transmutation, it actually is possible for guys to get pregnant, and Edward Elric drank milk on his own accord. It really must be the beginning of the end," Envy sighed, shrugging helplessly. Ed paused upon reaching the doorway to send a glance towards at Envy. A small smirk crossed his features.
"I've accomplished quite a few unbeatable feats in just a few short months, ne?" Ed teased. Envy grinned at him, and strode over to Ed, easily lifting the blonde into his arms as a spur-of-the-moment gesture.
"Yep," Envy chuckled as the alchemist blushed and futilely struggled to get out of his arms. Envy rolled his eyes playfully, and hugged the chibi even closer.
"Y'know, you're my two favorite people," he smirked. Giving up, Ed crossed his arms in a huff, and glowered at the Homunculus.
"Stupid walking palm tree," he muttered under his breath.
"Yep, he still loves me!" Envy stated matter-of-factly, making his way out of the kitchen with his "two favorite people" in tow.
He deposited Ed gently down onto the couch in a sitting position, and stood over the blonde, staring down at him. Ed blinked up at him a few times before…starting to cry.
"Do you always have to point out how short I am? You insensitive bastard!" Ed said tearfully, before breaking down into loud sobs. Right before Envy was entirely sure he was about to crack, an idea popped into his mind out of nowhere. Ignoring the occasional insults thrown at him, he sat himself down behind his blonde chibi. Ed turned his head to look at him.
"What are you doing?" Ed sniffed.
There was no vocal response, but Ed felt Envy's hands on his shoulders. Ed tensed as hands gripped them lightly, his misery haven given way to curiosity in the span of ten seconds. Gradually, he relaxed back against Envy's body as the Homunculus gave him a gentle massage. Envy leaned forward to kiss Ed's cheek, before moving back, a smug expression on his face.
Ed closed his eyes, and sat quietly, enjoying his free massage. What he failed to notice was the slow, yet steady rate that Envy's hands were lowering at.
Ed held back from jumping in surprise, but gasped when Envy's hand slipped under his pants and underwear in a fluid motion, his fingers rubbing gently against his shaft.
Ed opened his mouth to speak, but could only manage to get out a quiet whimper. Knowing that Ed had no intension of moving away anytime soon, Envy pressed up against Ed's back as close as he could, and set about removing Ed's shirt with his free hand. Upon succeeding in pulling it up over Edward's head, he flung it carelessly across the room.
Ed started to let out a moan of disappointment, but it caught in his throat as Envy's focused turned to his neck. Moving so that he had the alchemist pinned under his arms, he continued attacking Ed's neck.
Envy's eyes wandered to the spot he had left a bite a while ago, and, noticing it was almost completely gone he tsked loudly. Ed's eyes opened halfway, and moved to look at Envy, but closed again in pleasure as Envy's lips pressed against his neck. He tensed when Envy unexpectedly bit down roughly, but his eyes closed when Envy kissed the bite softly.
"Envy, w-we shouldn't b-be--" Ed's sentence ended abruptly, as Ed shuddered violent in response to Envy's fingers lightly trailing across his chest. Envy lowered his head, and nipped Ed's ear.
"Relax; we're not doing anything that could hurt the baby, right?" Envy whispered huskily, licking behind Ed's ear and gaining a loud gasp in response. Envy moved back up, smirking down at the now wide-eyed alchemist. His fingers brushed against Ed's hardened member, and Ed immediately clamped his eyes shut, nodding furiously.
Envy chuckled, and leaned down to claim Ed's lips in a hot kiss. Ed moaned into Envy's mouth, and Envy stifled a sigh; both were very much aware how much they had sorely missed the sexual activity. Envy slipped his hand into Ed's pants, when--
Briiiing
Envy closed his eyes, and inwardly cursed off the person who had invented doorbells as fluently as he knew how. With a sigh, he reluctantly removed his hand from Ed's pants, leaning over to kiss Ed apologetically, before getting up and moving to the front door. He opened it, and opened his mouth to speak, but was rudely interrupted.
Clang
"What the fuck?" Envy growled, clutching his head where he had been hit in the head with a… with a what? Whatever it was, it was something very, very hard and definitely metal, with his experience with an easily irritated lover (cursed) with an automail arm.
Envy looked up, rubbing his sore head with an arm to see… a blonde girl with clear blue eyes blinking in astonishment.
"You're not Ed!" She gasped, blushing furiously.
"No, I'm not," Envy agreed. She blinked, and looked Envy up and down.
"Oh my God! I'm so sor--" She blinked again, and her eyes narrowed.
"Are you Envy, then?" She asked suspiciously.
"Yeah," he said breezily.
Clang
"What the fuck is wrong with you!" Envy yelled angrily, taking two huge staggering steps back to rub his head gingerly. The girl glared menacingly.
"This is all your fault! Al came back, and has been talking non-stop about Ed being pregnant. I don't know what you said to him, but your story must have been pretty whacked up to have been able to make a sharp kid like him believe that guys can get pregnant. Please explain to him--" she broke off at this point to drag someone out form behind the open door. Alphonse Elric came into view, looking very nearly as miserable as Ed had during his mood swings before.
"--That it is very impossible for guys to have babies," she finished. Al smiled weakly at Envy.
"Hello, Envy," he greeted, only to be smacked over the head with Winry's wrench. He winced and muttered a soft "ow", but otherwise seemed immune to the blow (A/N: I wonder why, with Winry swinging that wrench around pretty much all the time, right?).
Envy saw Winry's eyes move from him to behind him, and with a yell, she threw her trusty wrench over Envy's shoulder. There was a resounding "ow!" and thump. Envy spun around, wide-eyed, to see Ed had fallen onto his knees, rubbing his head and moaning. Winry ran over toward him, and picked up her wrench.
"Winry, please!" Ed yelled, covering his head with his arms as he saw her poised to hit him again.
"You idiot! What did you say to your brother!" She yelled, bringing her wrench down to hit Ed. He dodged it, and got to his feet, running around her while she bent over to pick up her wrench, and cowering behind Envy.
"Who the hell is that?" Envy whispered. Ed winced.
"M-my mechanic…and old next-door neighbor," he replied shakily. Envy's eyes widened.
"Hey! I'm nowhere near done with you, Edward Elric!" Winry hollered, noticing the loss of their attention at once. Al hurried over to her when he saw her bring her arm back to throw her wrench at Ed (or Envy, whichever was more misfortunate).
"Winry, stop! Stop, and I'll tell you what's been going on!" Ed yelled. Winry slowly brought her weapon down to her side.
"Promise?" Ed hurriedly nodded.
"Cross my heart and hope to live!"
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"But you're a guy," Winry repeated slowly for the tenth time. Ed sighed in exasperation. They had explained what had happened, and had been trying to convince her for the past hour that Ed was really pregnant. Ed closed his eyes and willed himself not to scream at Winry in frustration. She had every right not to believe a single word he said…no matter how true it was.
"I know. But with alchemy, some of our logic really doesn't come into play," Ed tried. Winry blinked.
"But you're a guy."
"Winry, things that may seem impossible to us can be accomplished with alchemy," Al said. Envy, who was currently tipped back in his chair at the kitchen table smirked.
"Yeah. Like me," he said smugly, gesturing to himself with his thumb. Winry looked lost for a comeback for the first time.
"Yeah. Winry, please, I'm telling the truth. I. Am. Pregnant," Ed said through his teeth, blushing furiously. Struck with inspiration, he got up out of his chair and moved so that he stood next to Winry. He grabbed he hand, and pressed it against his abdomen.
"See?" Winry's eyes widened, and she gasped upon feeling the swell on Ed's front. Al brightened up immediately.
"Ed, you're showing?" He asked excitedly. Ed's blush increased as he nodded. In the time Winry was rendered speechless, Al got up and turned Ed so that he could see for himself.
"Can I feel, Onii-chan?" Al begged. Ed smiled at his little brother, and nodded again, though this time in consent. Al gently pressed his hand against Ed's front, and grinned broadly when he slid his hand down. He finally removed his hand and smiled at Ed happily.
"Oh, and congratulations; you officially finished your first trimester!" he exclaimed brightly. Winry looked totally lost.
"Y-Y-You mean…y-you were s-seri--"
"Yep. Edo and I discovered he was three months pregnant a month ago," Envy said proudly, snacking an arm possessively around Ed's waist, and pulling him against himself. Winry blinked disbelievingly.
"You mean…in five months…" she said so quietly that the three boys leaned forward to hear her.
"I'm gonna be an aunt!" Winry shrieked in delight, clasping her hands together. The boys stared at her –it was their turn to be speechless– and sweatdropped in unison.
"Ooh! I hope it's a little girl!" Winry said starry-eyed, lifting her clasped hands to her chin. Ed laughed nervously.
"Eheh…eh, well, w-we don't know whether its gonna be a boy or a…a girl…" Ed and Envy exchanged glances. They honestly hadn't thought about gender preferences.
"…Well I don't mind whether it's a boy or a girl," Ed announced.
"Same," Envy said simply. Al grinned at Ed.
"Well, I kinda want a boy. It'd be so neat to have a nephew," he sighed dreamily. Winry glared at him.
"Well I want a girl," Winry said, stamping her foot for emphasis. Al glared back.
"Its gonna be a boy."
"No, it's gonna be a girl."
"I want a nephew!"
"Well, I want a niece!"
Ed blushed, and shuffled his feet in embarrassment. Envy merely kissed the top of the chibi's head affectionately, and watched the two in amusement. Al turned to look at Ed, and smiled.
"Hey, Ed, make sure to have twins so me and Winry can both have our way," he teased.
"Tw-twi…twins?"
Slump
Envy's eyes widened as Ed slumped back against him in a dead faint. He knew he was probably a bit pale as well from shock.
"Ed! Al, you idiot!" Winry yelled, realizing that mentioning twins for one of the first times had caused Ed to pass out on the spot. Al's hands covered his mouth, which hung slightly open.
"…Oops." Envy lifted the unconscious blonde into his arms bridal-style, and grinned at the two visitors.
"It's okay. Ed hasn't been getting all the much sleep with the morning sickness, anyway," he shrugged slightly, shifting Ed so that he was in a more comfortable position in his arms. He turned to head up the stairs to bring Ed to their bedroom.
"And he needs all the rest he can get before he returns to work next week." With that, Envy made his way up the stairs, Winry and Al staring after the Homunculus until he disappeared from view. The two exchanged glances. Their eyes narrowed in unison.
"Boy--!"
"--Girl!"
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Jessie: Aw…poor Ed had a …bad reaction to the thought of multiple kids!
Joh: Shaw!
Jessie: And there's Winry's reaction to the discovery of Ed's pregnancy!
Joh: Laughs Now Winry knows also!
Jessie: Yep!
Joh: Now who's left to figure it out?
Jessie: Who else, but Eastern Command?
Joh: Gasps I wanna see their reactions! Especially Roy's!
Jessie: Grins You're gonna have to keep on reading to see what happens, ne?
Joh: Yeah! Go Sis!
Jessie: Blushes Aw, aishiteru, Joh-chan!
Joh: Glomps Wo ai ni!
J twins: Huggles
Jessie: Hope you people enjoyed the latest chapter! If you review, you get a magical plate of your favie kind of cookies that will never empty, and a stick of cotton candy (the different colored kind)! Now it's the fourth month of Ed's pregnancy! There are still five months left (five months for Envy to bear with). Look forward to Ed's return to work in the next chappie: is he gonna be able to hide his condition for a while longer? Keep on reading to find out!
Tisska01: Definitely where the fun began! Al's lucky to have caught them! Glad you thought Al's character was good Breathes out in relief Seriously, I was reaaaally trying hard. Thank you!
Kakashisninjadogs: He's short, a guy, and hormonal to top it off! Poor, poor Edo XD Finds you in the shoebox under the sink Um...you can come out now… Though yeah…Winry's reactions to things can be pretty scary… Sobs But I thought this reaction suited her…whadya think of this chappie?
Firehedgehog: I updated quickly! And I've been practicing my evil laugh, see? Mwahahahaha! Successes! Dances
Forever Yours Zana: Poor Al, and his poor, polluted mind, right? No way! I would've loved to have been in his shoes. No fair! Smirks Ed has a bit of a high libido in this chapter, no? Heh, Envy does have a quite obvious sex drive, I must admit. But that's common knowledge! Laughs Ed's very, very mood-swingy! Hope you enjoyed it.
Solo Maxwell-Yamato: Blushes Aw shux now, you shouldn't…but I'm glad you are (jk) You're so nice! You rock! Hands another cookie Since you seem to like cookies so much!
Kaoru Gal: Sis, I'm glad you like it so much! Kisses and huggles And don't worry, you're perfect to me! Frolics with
Me And My God Complex: Dirty dreams…but who says he won't enjoy them? Shifty eyes What if Al's secretly a pervert? Nooo! Poor, poor innocent Al! Yes, Al knows, and now Winry does, too!
HolyMistress: You inspired me with the "OH MY GOD I'M GONNA BE AN AUNT!" thing XD Thanks! You totally rock, girl! Huggles
dream-whizper: Yay! I'm glad I wasn't that far off (from the FMA movie, at least)! Al takes things great, ne? Now Winry… Whispers Issues. Hope you enjoyed the chappie! Glad you like the fic so far! Huggles
ArtemisRoseShadow: Yaay! Glad my fic was the one to catch your interest! I'm trying to keep up the good work, and update quickly! Is it comin' along okay?
shu-chan77901: Smiles Glad you did.
envy's flame: No, you're totally right, and I'm (partially) un-sugar high! Go EnvyxEd! Whoot! Obsesses like the good fangirl I am
(Thanks for reading, and I hope you're all still enjoying the fic! Please review, and give me your opinions of the chapter. If you reviewed, I love you! Look forward to future updates! Buh bye for now!)