Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, but I do actually own this really awesome, really comfy blanket that has Ed on it, and says his name! Huggles blanket
Jessie: Waaaah! I haven't updated in forever! I'm sooo sorry! Sobs
Joh: Pats Jessie on the back There, there, baby.
Jessie: Sniffs Ugh, I'm having sooo much goin' on… Life's sooo busy. Sighs It sucks….
Joh: Daijobu datte!
Jessie: Laughs And that was "words of wisdom from my sis!" Well, readers, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Oh yeah, and Maes Hughes is alive in this fic (cuz I love Hughes, and cuz he just totally rocks)!
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"Edward!"
Before Ed even had the time to jump at the sudden cry, five brand new pictures of Elysia were shoved in his face out of nowhere.
Who, you ask, was the action was performed by? (A/N: Okay, maybe you don't need to ask, but I'll just tell you anyway) It was none other than… Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes. The raven-haired man smiled proudly at the startled chibi.
"Isn't my Elysia adorable?" He exclaimed. Ed could practically see the little hearts around Hughes' head (or maybe he wasn't even imagining it…) Hughes stepped back, carefully replacing the pictures in his pocket.
"Did you have a good break? Anything unusual happen?" Hughes teased cheerfully, giving Ed a proper greeting: a sloppy salute.
"…You could definitely say that" Ed said with a tired smile, returning the salute half-heartedly. Hughes blinked; undoubtedly, Ed's answer was an unexpected one.
Lime green eyes studied the chibi, who was quietly fingering the silver chain to his State Alchemist's watch with his left hand. The two slowly started walking down the corridor. Ed looked around, frowning slightly.
"Where is everyone?" Ed asked curiously.
"They have their time off as those who were off return," Hughes answered. "You were one of the fewer people who chose to have their time off in the beginning of the year. Most chose to have their break later."
"Leaving us with everything to do, am I right?" Ed grumbled, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Hughes grinned.
"Unfortunately," he laughed.
They had made it a little further down, when Ed came to an abrupt halt. Hughes stopped the moment he realized Ed wasn't following him, and turned to face the blonde chibi.
"Ed, what's wrong?" he quickly asked upon seeing the state the blonde was in. All the color had drained from Ed's face, and the teen was gripping his stomach. Curing under his breath, Ed dashed down the hall in the general direction of the restroom. He heard Hughes call his name after him, before footsteps announced that the man had chosen to follow him. Ed was running so fast, he'd lost Hughes by the time he'd rounded the second corner. He sprinted down the hall and, once in front of the restroom, skidded to a stop and ran in.
Upon entering the restroom, Ed fell to his knees, throwing up violently into the nearest toilet. After five minutes he sat back, panting heavily. He wiped away a trickle of sweat that ran down the side of his face, and made a disgusted noise as he flushed down the emptied contents of his stomach.
"You just can't keep anything down, can ya?" Ed muttered irritably, sending what was more of a pout than a glare towards the now-more-than-slightly-evident swell on his stomach.
"Edward?" Ed gave a start as a hand came to rest gently on his shoulder. He made to turn his head, but the hand moved up to catch his chin. Slowly, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye came into view. She gazed down at Ed, a hint of softness –visible only to those who knew her– was apparent in her eyes.
"L-Lieutenant Hawkeye," Ed gasped, hastily saluting the woman. She returned the salute. He hadn't heard her come in.
"What just happened, Edward? I was bringing a stack of paperwork to the Colonel's office, when you rushed past." Ed tried to stop the blush rising to his face.
"I-it's nothing…nothing…I've just been ill as of late," Ed said, not daring to catch the woman's eye. Her gaze remained fixed unwaveringly on the younger alchemist.
"…Edward, you do know that you can tell me anything, and be sure that it will be kept confidential, don't you?" Hawkeye asked suddenly, her composure as cool as ever. Ed looked up in surprise; such warm words were rarely heard directly from the woman's lips. He gulped nervously, and slowly shook his head.
"Thank you very much, Hawkeye but its – its just something me and En-- I have to deal with on my own," Ed said, quickly covering his mistake. He'd been able to keep his and Envy's relationship a secret from his friends from Eastern Command, and he wasn't about to let it slip so easily now.
"If you're sure, Edward," Hawkeye said, helping Ed to his feet. He watched silently as she picked up the neat stack of papers placed on the floor by the doorway.
"Now, I have to go to the Colonel's office to bring him these papers that he needs to sign."
"Aah. The bastard's slackin' off already," Ed scoffed. If Ed hadn't known better, he would have sworn there was a small smile on the woman's lips. But everyone knew Hawkeye never showed emotion.
"Alright, Edward, I'll see you la-- Edward!" Hawkeye gasped as he fell back down onto his knees to throw up again.
There was the sound of falling papers, before cool fingers brushed against his neck and a hand gathered the hair threatening to fall into his face. Another hand rubbed his back soothingly. It was just like what Envy did at home.
Finally, after he'd emptied his stomach for the third time, the blonde flushed the toilet again, shaking slightly. Again he was assisted to his feet.
"Th-thanks," he muttered, his face burning with embarrassment. He moved over to the sinks and turned on the cold water. Hawkeye studied Ed as he splashed water against his face.
"…You're very sick, Edward. Are you sure you don't need to see a doctor?" Hawkeye inquired, starting to collect the fallen papers.
"I'm fine-- really. It usually starts to let up later into the day," Ed said, cautiously bending down to pick up the papers closest to his feet. After all of the papers were gathered and back in a neat pile in Hawkeye's arms, the two left the restroom. When Hawkeye reached the door to the Colonel's office, she turned to face the golden-eyed teen.
"Remember, Edward, if you ever find you need to talk, you can count on me," she said quietly, before striding through the door to the Colonel. Ed stared after the woman for a moment, before he turned—to come face-to-face with…
"Oh, Edward! How I've missed you!" (Sparkle, sparkle).
Guess who?
"Noooooo-- Argh!"
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Colonel Roy Mustang tilted his chair back, staring at the chibi seated across from him at his desk. A smirk twitched obviously on the corners of his lips, and he placed all four legs of the chair back onto the floor, resting his elbows on the desk and taping his fingers together.
"Well, well… If it isn't the Fullmetal Alchemist, back from his vacation. Dear me… have you gotten…" he trailed off, pretending to study the chibi carefully. Ed glowered at him, as if daring him to continue the sentence.
"…Larger since the last time I met you?" Ed's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Seeing this reaction, the Flame Alchemist laughed heartily.
"Oh, no, no. Not in the height sense, by all means. I meant in your width."
Slam.
"WHO YOU CALLING SO FAT HE CAN'T GET THROUGH THE FUCKING COLONEL BASTARD'S OFFICE DOOR!" Ed shrieked furiously, having jumped to his feet and slapped his hands down against the desk. Roy blinked, only slightly miffed by the outburst.
"Why, Fullmetal, if I hadn't known any better, I would have thought you would have had the same reaction before," Roy smirked.
Hawkeye stifled a sigh from behind Roy as she waited for the inevitable fight to unfold. Hughes peeked into the room, obviously interested by the conversation.
"Not only are you short, but you've gained weight. What kind of State Alchemist is both short and stout?"
Ed stared at the man, dumbstruck. Roy waited for the blonde's reaction in a smug silence…
…Which was ultimately broken as the teen began to sob loudly.
"You stupid Colonel bastard," Ed wailed. Roy blinked dumbly, and opened his mouth, though no words came out.
The Colonel knew just as well as anyone who tricky it was to see the blonde cry. It never took just a few random insults… until now.
As Roy's lack of the ability to speak lengthened, Hawkeye walked over to Edward, and patted him comfortingly on the back. After sending a disapproving look back towards the Colonel, Hawkeye guided the teen (who was starting to calm down enough to start feeling embarrassed) past a stunned Hughes and out of the room.
Two hallways, a left, and one empty room later Hawkeye ushered Ed into the office of an officer on vacation. Ed had managed to stop crying, and was rubbing his eyes tiredly with the back of his left hand. Hawkeye pulled out a chair and silently commanded the blonde to sit.
"I believe you were about to tell me what's going on," Hawkeye asked, though it was more of a command rather than a question. In his current state of mind, the thought of his present condition caused tears to spring to his eyes once again. Seeing that he was so close to another breakdown, Hawkeye tried another tactic.
"Edward, you're going to keep having this reaction if you don't let anyone help you," Hawkeye gripped his shoulder gently as she tried to reason with him. Ed suddenly seemed lost in his observation of the floor.
Minutes of silence passed. Then:
"Alright, Edward. I see you have no intention of talking. But remember, you can talk to me if you feel the need," Hawkeye said, and with a sigh, she got up to leave. As she turned to walk to the door, a hand grabbed her wrist. She turned to see golden eyes gazing at her.
Submissively, Hawkeye sat back down in her seat, hands clasped loosely in her lap. She watched Ed take a deep breath as he obviously prepared himself to open up.
"Edward, I know it may be hard to believe, but whatever the situation is, it probably can't be as complicated as you think it is," Hawkeye reassured him. Ed laughed weakly, and ran a hand through his long, golden bangs.
"I'm pretty sure this is the definition of complicated."
"Try me."
"I'm pregnant."
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Forty-five minutes later Roy looked up wearily from the paper he was currently signing to the sound of knocking. The door opened and revealed Hawkeye with Ed in tow. She guided him to the chair, before choosing to stand behind him.
Immediately, Roy noticed that Ed's mood had lightened considerably. And though he would never admit it, he was curious as to why Ed had had such a rash mood swing; he cared more about his subordinates than he let on. And he knew them better than any of them thought.
For instance… Roy's eyes traveled to the woman standing by Ed. She must have sensed him looking at her, for her eyes met his. She nodded slightly in acknowledgement. Sure, her face was carefully coaxed into its usual emotionless mask, but he knew he was definitely receiving a different vibe.
Being the Colonel, he easily recognized all of his subordinates' usual vibes. And so he immediately spotted that her usual calm and patient vibe was replaced by an unusually childish: "I-know-something-you-don't-know-and-boy-are-you-in-for-it" vibe.
"Fullmetal, would you mind explaining to me what happened before?" Roy inquired. Ed turned his head slightly, making brief eye contact with Hawkeye, and, after a reassuring nod, he turned back to the dark-haired man.
Ed was well aware that he would deeply regret what he was about to do when Roy started cracking jokes. He knew that he had to be extraordinarily cautious to make sure the secret didn't leak out. But he also knew that Envy was right every one of the hundred times he'd repeated it; that the rest of his friends in the military would keep it confidential.
…Plus, he and Hawkeye hadn't spent the last ten minutes of their absence in the empty office planning this for nothing.
And after all, Roy had just initiated it, like Hawkeye had said he would.
On cue, Hawkeye turned fully to face the Colonel.
"Sir, may I speak?" Hawkeye said. Roy looked back at her, and nodded curtly.
"Edward cannot help it…not in his current condition. His sudden mood-swings are just an unfortunate side-effect," Hawkeye explained calmly. Roy blinked.
"'Side-effect' of what?" Roy finally asked when neither continued the conversation. Ed blinked.
"Oh, you don't recognize the symptoms?" He asked sounding surprised. By this point, Roy was well aware that they were leading him somewhere, and having a fine time.
"Sir, don't you remember when Gracia visited with Maes?" Hawkeye asked. Roy raised an eyebrow in confusion; now, if possible, he felt even more lost than he had before.
"Hawkeye, the last time Gracia came down to the station was when she was five months preg…" Roy stopped abruptly, and stared wide eyed at the teen sitting across from him, smiling innocently.
"No…that's not possible," Roy muttered.
"Colonel, don't you remember my failed experiment a few months back? Well… lets just say it wasn't a failure," Ed said, his smile broadening every second.
"You mean-"
"I performed the first successful human transmutation! And I'm having a baby in five months!"
And although the young alchemist knew he had probably just lost all of what was left of his masculinity, he decided that it had definitely been worth it; just to see the Colonel gape continuously so that he made the perfect imitation of a goldfish before turning pale and excusing himself from the room to question all logic made it worth all the while.
Ed turned to face Hawkeye, a sly grin on his lips.
"That was perfect," he sighed happily, stretching out on the chair.
"The Colonel really needed something to being him to his senses; he's been slacking off even more ever since he came back from his vacation," Hawkeye noted.
"Do you suppose he won't think to start cracking the jokes for a while?" Ed asked hopefully. Before the woman could respond, Hughes stuck his head through the door, grinning slyly.
"He probably would have, he's in such a state a shock," Hughes sighed overdramatically, shaking his head in mock sympathy.
"It's a good thing he has a great friend like me to remind him to, which I should be going to check up on right about now," he teased.
After finishing his statement, the man turned to run for his life. Nobody who happened to be passing through that same hall questioned the sight of a grown man giggling evilly with a red-faced, furious/mortified chibi on his heels, shouting death threats after him. The fact that the person being chased was Maes Hughes was explanation enough.
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Jessie: Aw… Ed's achieved another amazing prospect! Because of him, Roy's finally been forced to question of everything he's ever learned about sex! Tries to stiffle laughter
Joh: Shakes head That poor, poor womanizer…
Jessie: Laughs Yeah, no kidding. Aaah! I love Hughes! He's so awesome (that's the one thing I'll never forgive Envy for… Sobs)! Geez… It appears Ed wasn't able to keep his secret from more than three people for long, ne?
Joh: Nya nya!
Jessie: Shrugs Ah, well… it must be okay, so long as it was to his advantage Giggles God, seeing Roy's reaction must have totally been worth it!
Joh: Oh yeah! Laughs
Jessie: Yup! Soooo… I reaaaaally hope it was an adequate update… I really did work hard… Sighs
Joh: Smiles Shaw it was!
Jessie: Happy Aww! I love ya!
Joh: I love you too!
J twins: Huggles
Jessie: Again, I apologize for the update having taken forever… there's a lot going on… and I'm really busy. Thank you so much for being patient, and bearing with me. I probably am going to be able to update a few more chapters before summer stuff catches up with me. And the fun is only just starting! Remember, Envy's gonna have to deal with Ed's pregnancy for five more months! And Ed's gonna really have to keep careful about not spilling his secret to the world, ne? If you reviewed, thanks you sooo much! I love ya! You get an Edvy fan bracelet and a cupcake! Whoo! Read on, good readers!
angel61991: Squeals I'm glad ya think its good so far. Hope you continue to enjoy it; please lemme know!
Illusionwolf: You know, I think that this review is one of the most special and rewarding ones I've ever received. I know how it feels to read a fanfiction, and grow to love a paring due to it. You really made my day by saying this; thank you sooo much! Huggles
DEATHxBYxPAPERCUTS: Well, if you're demented by thinking that EnvyxEd is hotter due to the fact that they're half-brothers… I am too! Hahahaha… Yup, yaoi is da BOMB! I'm sooo happy you like my ficcys! S'aank you for da nice review. (A pregnant Winry? Hides in bomb shelter with lots of cookies You can join me if you want… that's horrifying…)
loathed wolf spirit: I hope I will!
Inuyasha-Oddishness: I lurv you for reviewing! Thanks!
SoulfulZen: Glad you think its well done. Ever heard of C-section? Shudders Poor Edo… Thanks for reviewing!
Chibi-chibi-kun: I'm sorry I didn't update sooner! Please forgive me! I tried hard to update with my life so hectic… Glad you think it's awesome, though!
darkangel36: Hope Roy's reaction was good enough for ya! I thought it was the most Roy-like.
Shakespeare'sWorstNightmare: Nods Yeah, poor Edo, but EnvyxEd does totally rock!
Rivalovery: Yaaaay! I have a great mind! Yes. Envy needed some sympathy, so the pain goes straight to Ed! Laughs I know… I can be evil (on occasion) but… c'mon, Envy really needed a break!
Light-Hideko: Pats back Don't worry… I have a paronia of the same thing. Metal objects + thrown + contact with head Shudder Anyhoo (yay, new favie word!) I'm glad you liked the mood swings and the milk. Hope you liked this chappie!
Firehedgehog: Nods I shall continue indeed.
NaitoKitsune: Smirks This is Envy we're talking about… You expect Envy to let himself be forced to go 5 months without sex? Laughs I know; I'm evil. N'ways, yes, indeed Winry has lost her sanity. What kind of sane girl would throw a wrench? Gosh… Looks about and hides evidence (j/k)
Kaoru Gal: Your review made me laugh sooo hard, babe! Giggles Less than a month till caaaamp! Whee! Glomps and kisses Aishiteru!
Tisska01: Dances I'm soooo happy you enjoyed the mood swings sooo much! I hope this chapter was up to your standards as well… I really hope you continue to enjoy my fic!
Firelover666: …That's so cruel Cracks up Flubberblubberblibberblob! You'll see what happens in time! Rainbow fishies forever!
aruslym: Do you know that I laughed so hard upon reading your review, I actually fell off the couch? I'm sorry… I couldn't stop the aliens! Sobs
HolyMistress: Starry eyed You gave me cake! And you gave me my favorite kinds of cake! I love you! Huggles and joins you in looking out the window Hey! I think I do see a flying pig! Oh… now, wait… that's just a whale. Okay, no worries! Hahaha! Aaah, I miiiiss you! I wanna talk with ya sooo bad! I'm just totally busy right now. I'm glad you liked the chappie so much! You rock so much!
Forever Yours Zana: Here's your next chappie! I hope you thought it was okay. I'm really glad you seem to enjoy my writing fic so much!
Sadistic Sycho: But wasn't it? Smiles Nope, you're right! Hahaha! Aah, Edvy forever Hands a Edvy fan pin Yay EnvyxEd! Whoot!
Me And My God Complex: You know, writing it made me smile a lot. Grins Hope your enjoying the fic as much as I'm enjoying writing it for you guys (which is a lot, by da way)!
Solo Maxwell-Yamato: Blushes You're sooo nice! Thank you for all of your nice comments! Hands you your favorite ice cream Glad you like my ficcy!
razatip: I totally agree; hitting pregnant people is rude, crude and socially unacceptable! Just wanna take this opportunity to say I adore your fics sooo much! Okay… I'm happy now! Hope you keep on enjoying da fic!
shu-chan77901: Congrats on becoming a cousin Smiles and hands flowers Congratulate your aunt for me, that's so awesome! I'm the oldest of mine! I love them! Yes, poor Envy and Edo! The two are suffering for different reasons. Hope this update as good enough for ya!
envy's flame: It's next time Laughs Glad you r thought the chappie was good… was this one okay, too? I hope it was…
(Thanks you all so much for your patience! I hope you all continue enjoying my fic! I'm working very hard to please you guys, and I hope I'm doing it! Please review! Taa for now!)