A Day in the Life
AN: danni quinn, if you're still about, waaaaay back in chapter twenty-two, you mentioned something about STI tests in a review. Finally, I get to credit you for the idea! XD
September 30th
I have managed to maintain my deception for over two months. My behaviour, in the meantime, has grown somewhat routine.
After work, I head back to the compound arm-in-arm with the boss. We have dinner together, as per usual, and I have to tolerate his company and pretend I don't want to smash his face in and ram his chopsticks up his pee-hole. About an hour later, the boss will make a sickeningly convincing work-related excuse, which leaves him free to head over to Kimimaro's apartment. Normally, the boss stays with Kimimaro for at least a few hours. This leaves me free to make my own work-related excuses to the rest of the house, at which point I phone Karin and tell her to meet me at my office for some sustained, sexual acrobatics atop my desk.
I have come to enjoy these illicit moments immensely. Mainly because I can lose myself in the moment, breathe in the intoxicating scent of Karin's perfume, and pretend I no longer have feelings for the boss.
Yes, I still have feelings for him. I cannot do anything about this, no matter how hard I try. It irks me, confuses me, keeps me awake at night while I'm lying in bed with him. Actually, now that I think about it, I would hazard a guess that lying in bed with the boss at night is half the cause of my anguish. I'm still sleeping with him. Regularly. Still enduring the sex and his sweet words of praise and empty promises. Fucking Kimimaro on the side is obviously not enough for him, for he comes home, finds me wherever I happen to be in the house, kisses me into bed and has his way with me. And I let him, because if I were to stop sleeping with him, he'd know something was wrong.
The worst part of it is… we haven't had an argument since the Product of the Year Awards. The boss has been so nice to me over the past two months: giving me time off here and there, buying me things, not shouting at Naruto, complimenting me in front of people at work, staring at me when he thinks I'm not looking (he still does this, and, I believe, will continue to do so until the end of time.) He tells me other things in bed at night, about how he prefers me, about how beautiful I am, how clever, how witty.
I try to suck it all up, to roll my eyes and tell myself that they are lies and that I shouldn't listen. But it hurts. It hurts quite badly, and I always end up thinking, maybe… maybe he does mean it? Then, as ever, the more rational, Uchihan part of my psyche coughs politely and informs me that if he did mean it, he wouldn't be banging an emotionally unstable, obsessive freak on the side. It's round about then I pick up the phone and call Karin because I want to punish the boss all over again for making me feel this way.
It's not only the boss I'm lying to, though, and that's what makes everything so much worse. I'm lying to everyone in the house subjected to my poor excuses; to Naruto, to Jiraiya, to Kiku, to Kabuto. I'm lying to my brother, to Kisame, to Deidara and Sasori, who always ask me in emails how things are going between the boss and I. I'm lying to my co-workers, to Suigetsu, Amachi and Gen'yumaru, who ask more or less the same thing. And I'm lying to Karin most of all – Karin, my friend, who really does care for me, and is basically laying her job on the line to pander to my whim.
The guilt is beginning to get to me, but I cannot do anything about it. It's the only way I can cope, the only way I can come to terms with what the boss is doing to me.
I'll go mad if I can't fight back...
Oh well. The boss left fifteen minutes ago on pretence of heading off to the labs to have another look at some possible genetic marvel he and Kabuto discovered earlier on in the week. Translated, this means he will be with Kimimaro for the next couple of hours. Of course, I have already called Karin. I mean, I may as well get a little fun out of this, right?
LATER:
The boss almost caught us tonight. I am taking this as a sign that we'll have to change venues if I want this to continue in the manner to which I have become accustomed. Either that, or bring it to an end, which is more likely and happens to be what we have officially arranged.
For some reason unknown, the boss apparently did decide to head over to the labs instead of shagging Kimimaro. This proved something of a shock to Karin and I, as we were sweaty, buck naked and in the middle of making each other moan when I heard the familiar sound of the boss's wooden geta click-clacking down the corridor. Instantly, I froze. Karin was still straddling me, and I looked up at her. Her eyes were wide with fear.
"Sasuke?" she whispered. "I thought you said he wasn't coming in tonight?"
"He wasn't! He must've changed his mind!"
"Shit! Shit, shit, shit!" she hissed, jumping off me and diving to pick up her discarded items of clothing.
Click-clack, click-clack, click-clack…
The boss's footsteps were coming ever closer. Suddenly frantic and not that keen on being caught, I also leapt to my feet and bundled all the clothes I could reach into my arms. Finished, I grabbed Karin's arm and, together, we fled to my closet and hid inside (in which I have recently taken to keeping spare suits and changes of clothing – for meetings with investors and less official meetings with Karin.)
A tense few moments passed in the dark, the two of us squashed in with my favourite suits and kimono, shivering and completely naked, our clothes clutched tightly in our arms as though they were our firstborns. Embarrassingly, I was also nursing a semi.
The wardrobe door was open a crack, and I peeked through it, hoping against hope the boss wouldn't clock that we'd left the light on. Unfortunately, he is rather observant, and he did. The door opened, and the boss's hand appeared round it, automatically reaching for the light-switch. "Yes!" I thought. "Turn the light off, Orochimaru-sama, and get the hell out so I'm not stuck in here for the rest of the night."
It seemed he was about to do that when his hand stopped in mid-air, hovering over the light-switch. Changing his mind, he lowered his hand, pushed the door open and walked in.
Oh holy hell.
My stomach lurched and I felt Karin grab my hand. I really thought we were goners.
My heart thumping, I watched through the gap as the boss sat down behind my desk, picking up the framed picture of us I keep on it, along with one of my brother and I, my mum and dad, Naruto and Sakura, and the Otogakure trip to Hokage Mountain. He sat and stared at the photo of us for a while with a funny, little half-smile on his face, before he set it down and reached for my notepad. Tearing out a leaf, he borrowed one of my good fountain pens and wrote a short something on it. Folding it twice, he left it on my desk for me to find, and he pushed the chair away, finished for the night. The wheels of the chair, however, seemed to become stuck on something. With horror, I watched as the boss reached down to remove the stuck object and reappeared with a pair of my boxers.
I was glad, then, that Karin couldn't see what was going on. She'd have probably squeaked or screamed or burst out of the closet, weeping, and given us away.
The boss observed my underpants with a faint frown before slipping them into the folds of his kimono and leaving the room, flipping the light-switch at the last. Karin and I stayed in the wardrobe until I saw the boss flit past my window in a lab-coat, at which point we crawled out, strangely subdued, and dressed in silence. It's safe to say we were no longer in the mood.
Karin was the one who noticed the note the boss had left me. As I was lacing my shoes, she picked it up and perused it.
"Sasuke?" she said quietly, offering me the little square of paper she held in her fingertips. "I think this is for you."
The sad smile accompanying her words puzzled me, and I took it. I took it and as I read, I understood. It was, indeed, a note from the boss, in his slanting, beautiful and precise hand. The note didn't say much, but what it lacked in verbosity, it appeared to make up in feeling.
It said:
"Sasuke-kun, you are my sun.
Forever and always.
Oro.
xxx"
For some reason… it really got to me, and tears sprung to my eyes before I was aware enough to fight them. Angrily, I brushed them away and blinked them back. I really did hate him then. I hated him for causing my very fragile composure to waver in front of Karin. Up until then, I had been keeping my feelings resolutely in check. It was my self-imposed rule to not think about him while I was with Karin, lest I actually have a nervous breakdown at how much of a soap-opera fuck-up my life has become. His sweet words, once again, got under my skin. And Karin noticed.
"Sasuke..." she began, laying a gentle hand on my arm. "I don't think we should do this anymore."
It must have taken her a lot of effort to say it, because I know she has really fallen for me. Quite hard, in fact. I stared at the backs of my hands, unable to look her in the eye for fear she would return my gaze and see everything written there.
"Orochimaru-sama must like you a lot," she went on, unknowingly causing my heart to sink lower and lower with every word. "I mean... wow... I wish someone would say something like that about me. Ha, I never knew the boss was so romantic! I'll never be able to look at him in the same way again."
She was doing an excellent job at maintaining a falsely cheerful facade, but simmering just beneath the surface was terrible heartache. I think in that moment she realised there was still something there between the boss and I – a something she could not begin to comprehend, be a part of, or ever break. And Karin wasn't the only one to experience that particular epiphany. That old, familiar ache settled in my chest once again. I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted out of there, to get back to the compound and maybe drink a bottle of wine and a half to myself so I could pass out on the bed and not have to deal with anything.
"Sasuke... I don't think we should do this anymore."
Taking a deep, shuddering breath, I let my head fall into my hands. She was right. There was nothing I could do about it. We could always change venues, but the horrible, conflicting feelings would still follow me: guilt, resentment, betrayal, grief, anger – all of those things. The boss's shadow looms over everything, and I can never escape him. And besides, it really isn't fair on Karin. Hence my agreeing with her.
"Okay..." I said quietly. "Tomorrow night's our last night. After that, everything goes back to normal. Yeah?"
Karin nodded, her eyes watering. She, too, seemed embarrassed and wiped them away just as quickly as they'd come. I wanted to hug her and tell her I was sorry, but I couldn't. I just took her hand and led her out of the office, parting ways as we always did at the forking pathway between the boss's house and the apartment blocks. We kissed goodbye, let go of each others' hands and walked away. Understandably, I was in a bad mood when I trudged into the house. Jiraiya, Kiku and Kylie were in the TV room watching Bleach (again – Kiku's obsessed with it) and I slammed the door behind me and threw myself onto the sofa.
"Is that the door shut then?" Jiraiya said loudly, chuckling.
Jiraiya was clearly in a jovial, wise-cracking mood, and I knew I wouldn't be able to stand it for any length of time. I sighed and stormed straight back out, heading for the bedroom. Once I was safely installed, I phoned downstairs and asked for a bottle of Claret and a glass – a big one. I am currently working my way through it with the TV on in the background and it might please you to know that I'm making excellent progress.
Drinking alone in bed on a week night...
That's really not a good thing, is it?
LATER:
I'm downstairs in the TV room with Naruto, Jiraiya, Kiku and Kabuto. Naruto came and fetched me from my room and was offended to discover I had been drinking without him. For the past couple of hours, we have been drinking copious amounts of alcohol and watching Bleach episodes Kiku bought on DVD. Being already half-sozzled, I am finding the strangest things incredibly funny. I find Kenpachi's gravity-defying hair hilarious. I have a compelling urge to touch it to see if it'll cut my finger.
At any rate, I feel better now, though I still want to pass out before the boss gets back. Kabuto did suggest a drinking game. I think that will help matters along nicely.
October 1st
Work was horrendous today. Both Kabuto and I were nursing hangovers from hell. As such, we spent most of our morning hiding out in the Staff Room, sprawled on the couches and groaning. Just before lunch, Kimimaro popped his head round the door and admonished us for slacking off, at which point Kabuto turned round and told him to cram it.
I love Kabuto sometimes. Since he's the head of R&D, he's technically second-in-command, but he never acts like it. You'd think, being in possession of such power that he would, but the guy loves his work, pure and simple, and isn't interested in office politics. A rare breed, he gets his way without yelling in people's faces and pulling rank, and I must confess I rather admire that about him. The only thing is, when he does tell you to cram it – you fucking cram it, no questions asked. Kimimaro, therefore, could do nothing but roll his eyes and slam the door on us.
One of these days, I am actually going to murder him...
LATER:
Once again, the boss has made his sickeningly convincing excuses and disappeared. Tonight is my last night with Karin... and I don't quite know how I feel about that. I expect I'll know for certain when I end up screaming into my pillow later on tonight.
We'll see...
Wish me luck.
LATER:
The boss saw everything. He was lying in wait, ready to catch us out. Actually, I'm not sure that is entirely accurate. I believe (from what I could discern through his terrible fire-storm of a rage) that he had a suspicion and wished to see for himself whether that suspicion was founded. Unfortunately for him, for me, for Karin – for everyone involved – it was.
A matter that could have quite possibly made things worse: that I was feeling kindly disposed towards Karin and wished to treat her properly and make it up to her, since I had essentially used her in order to satisfy a personal lust for revenge. I have achieved my revenge. At what cost? I do not know. I don't want to think about it.
I met Karin at reception at eight-thirty sharp, as per usual. As agreed, we had both dressed for the occasion; I in my achingly sharp tuxedo, and Karin in a sexy little black dress. I felt a pang when I saw her wearing it, since she had told me before it was her power dress, one she wears when she feels she needs a boost of confidence. She smiled when she spotted me, but it was a brittle smile, all too in danger of breaking at the slightest touch. Therefore, I resolved to be tread carefully and be kind.
"Karin..." I said, taking her hand and kissing it. "You look stunning."
"Likewise," she retorted, tossing her hair, affording me a touch of her beautiful scent. "But then you always look good, Sasuke. It's an Uchiha thing, right?"
Then she grinned, and I felt alive. The banter was back, and I thought that maybe, just maybe, the night would go smoothly.
"Of course," I said, with a little bow. "And with great beauty comes consummate grace..."
I held out my arm and Karin took it, shaking her head at my playful arrogance.
"Shall I escort my lady to our destination?"
"If it pleases Uchiha-san."
"It pleases," I replied airily. "And I have many delightful things to show my lady. If you behave yourself with proper decorum, I might just show you my etchings."
Karin's eyes glinted and she leaned in to whisper in my ear, nibbling a little at the lobe. Teasing, tantalising...
"And what if I choose not to behave with proper decorum?"
"Then I'll simply have to tear all your clothes off and have you up against the wall," I replied, frankly, before I kissed her.
Naturally, Karin locked her arms around my neck and we were fumbling all the way down in the elevator and all along the corridor. By the time I kicked the door open to my office, we'd worked each other up into a frenzy, and I was already undoing the buttons on my shirt. I don't know what got into me (maybe Karin's perfume really had intoxicated me), for I let go of her for a brief moment and bounded over to my desk. With one reckless movement, I swept everything off it, scattering a mountain of paperwork and sending pens, pencils, stupid desk toys, my lamp and all my photo frames crashing to the floor. Then I spun round, grinning wickedly, and lifted Karin into my arms. She squeaked with surprise and delight and let me carry her over to my desk, like a bride across the threshold. I laid her down upon it, and I climbed on top of her, nestling myself in between her legs.
For a moment, we just lay there, looking at each other. We were both terribly out of breath and laughing. It really hit me then just how much she liked me. Smiling, Karin reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear – an action that reminded me painfully of the boss, but I suppressed the memory. I did not want to spoil Karin's night.
Then she whispered, "Thanks for doing this, Sasuke."
"It was a pleasure," I said, the guilt eating away at me from within.
I kissed her, and she kissed me back, and I slipped effortlessly into my bad old ways of trying desperately not to think about the boss. Therefore, it came as something of a shock to me when Karin breathlessly screamed his name in the middle of a steamy fumble when I was trying to take off her bra.
"Oh... oh god... Orochimaru-sama! Orochimaru-sama!"
Everything came crashing down.
Instantly, I felt Karin tense, every muscle rigid and clenching with fear, and she leapt off me as though I were toxic and crouched behind the desk, pulling her dress back up around her shoulders, as if it would go some way to placating my very significant other.
A cold dread settled about my heart, and I turned. He was standing there in the doorway, leaning against the frame, his expression unreadable. How long he'd been there, I didn't know. My heart was racing. I couldn't do anything. I just froze, sitting there on my desk, my shirt and belt undone, surrounded by a sea of scattered evidence exposing our forbidden liaison. Behind my desk, Karin was actually whimpering.
After an excruciating silence, the boss stepped forward and closed the door quietly behind him. This only made the sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach worse. He'd effectively blocked our only escape route – leaving us completely at his mercy. He caught my eye, and the undercurrent of barely restrained fury made me shiver.
Slowly, slowly, the boss dipped a pale hand into the folds of his kimono and extracted the pair of boxers I had left at the scene of last night's crime. Then the edge of his mouth curled upward. It was not a smile.
"Sasuke-kun..." he said. "You forgot these."
I will never forget what happened next. Not as long as I live.
The boss struck quick, scrunching up the garment and launching it across the room. The next thing I knew, he was behind my desk. Karin had tried desperately to hide under it, but I watched in horror as the boss grabbed a vicious fistful of her hair and dragged her out into the middle of the floor, her feet slipping and sliding underneath her, struggling for purchase. Karin was sobbing and I was shouting at him to "Leave her alone, for fuck's sake! It's not her fault!" But trying to reason with the boss in anger is futile in the extreme – like trying to catch the wind, or trying to count all the stars in the night sky.
The boss wrenched Karin's head up so she was forced to look right at him. She was on her knees, terrified, and I didn't blame her. Then the boss smiled a truly nasty smile and brought his face inches from hers.
"You filthy... little... whore..." he hissed.
And he let go of her hair, drew back his hand and slapped her so hard across the face it sent her sprawling. The sound of the impact echoed throughout the room.
Outraged and shocked to the core, I leapt to my feet.
"Oh my god, what the hell are you doing?" I yelled angrily, grabbing his arm and trying to get him away from Karin, who was prostrate on the floor, sobbing.
But he shoved me aside and started ranting. I seriously thought he was going to hurt her.
"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY SASUKE-KUN!" he roared. "HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK TO BRING YOUR FILTHY HANDS NEAR HIM! DID YOU ENJOY IT? DID YOU? DID YOU ENJOY HAVING HIM WRITHE AROUND UNDERNEATH YOU AFTER YOU SEDUCED HIM, YOU NASTY LITTLE WITCH? DID YOU ENJOY IT WHEN HE CAME BACK FOR MORE? DID YOU? THOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE SEES IN YOU. IT'D BE LIKE FUCKING A DIRTY, FLEA-RIDDEN OLD COUCH!!"
I couldn't take it anymore. It was pitiful to watch. The boss was towering over Karin, screaming at her, while she lay on the floor, cringing with every word as though the boss were lashing at her with a whip, drawing blood. I couldn't watch him do that to her. Not when it was my fault.
"WILL YOU LAY OFF HER?" I shouted, stepping forward and shoving the boss in the chest.
I caught him off guard, and he stumbled, landing hard on the floor. The look on his face... it was strange. It was as though he truly had not expected me to do it, and at the same time, as though he had only just noticed I was in the room at all. Perhaps it was akin to awakening from a nightmare. Reality bites.
"You go for her again, and I'll call the police," I said evenly, though I was breathing fast and my heart still racing.
For a moment, the boss stared at me, incredulously. Then his head fell back and he began to laugh a low, humourless laugh. My forehead knitted together in puzzlement. What on earth was he playing at?
"Very well then, Sasuke-kun," he challenged. "Do it. Call them. What do you think you will accomplish?"
"A night in the cells, maybe?" I bit back. "It'd be a good thing. Maybe flip the psycho switch back to normal and all that?"
"And what do you think that would accomplish?" the boss said, with a surety that made my blood run cold. Then he rose to his feet, dusted himself down, and said, "This is not Konoha, Sasuke-kun. Do you really think the Otogakure police force would bat an eyelid at news of one of my minor misdemeanours?"
"They should," I said, squaring my shoulders. "No matter how much you like to believe it, you are not above the law."
The boss smiled a horrible smile.
"But I am, Sasuke-kun," he retorted, with a mad glint in his eye. "That is the beauty of it. How do you think I am able to conduct the research that has earned this company international renown? I would certainly not be able to do it in Konoha, would I?"
"You have the Daimyo eating out of your hand," I said, in a moment of numb realisation.
"Precisely!" the boss hissed, his eyes flashing. "I am the richest and most powerful man in Otogakure! I call the shots! I have single-handedly made this country a powerhouse for scientific research. Trade and tourism have skyrocketed. Intelligent, young graduates from universities around the world fight tooth-and-nail to work for me and for all the other little laboratories that have since sprung up around us. I have made this country powerful! Of course, the politicians know this – from the Daimyo himself down to the meanest local councillor – and they wish to pay me the respect I am due."
"So they've told the police to turn a blind eye to everything you do here?"
"Yes."
"That's not fair."
"The world is not fair, Sasuke-kun. It is hell clad in a fair semblance of paradise. And, as I have already pointed out to you: this is not Konoha. This is Otogakure. I am Otogakure."
It took a while for his words to sink in. The injustice of it all had me reeling. In the back of my mind, I was already aware of the dirty-dealing that went on. Hell, I had attended some of the meetings – and with Karin, too. I know what the boss and Kabuto do down in the labs isn't always on the right side of legal, but I pushed those niggling doubts to the back of my mind, because good things came out of them in the end, didn't they? I remember during one particular meeting the boss was whispering poison in the Daimyo's ear so he could get a law changed or re-worded to suit his designs. At the time, I was thrilled, because I loved it when the boss was being devious and enterprising. Now, I see it for what it truly is. Bribery and corruption: plain and simple.
You don't care much when it's being used on other people. You never think it'd ever happen to you. But when it does... it is the worst feeling. You rail and scream bloody injustice – but no one pays heed to your impotent cries. Why? Because a man has money and power and has made it so.
Because my significant other has money and power and has made it so.
"Okay..." I began, my voice cracking. "Then what are you going to do? Beat the crap out of your Marketing manager? I don't think everyone'll be too impressed when she turns up at work tomorrow morning. If she turns up at work tomorrow morning."
"Oh, I'll tell you what I'm going to do," the boss said softly, leaning forward and adding, "I'm going to talk to you. Alone."
Whipping round like a cobra, he turned once again on Karin.
"I will deal with you later," he snarled. "Now get out!"
Sniffing and tearful, Karin hesitated briefly, looking at me with wide eyes. It was obvious she didn't want to leave me alone with the boss. I felt a flash of impatience. For god's sake, she was only digging herself a bigger hole!
"Karin, just go," I said quietly but firmly. "I'll be okay."
This small gesture of mutual concern only served to set the boss off.
"GET OUT!!" he roared, his hands flailing wildly in the air.
With a whimper of fear, Karin turned and ran, flinging the door open wide to the wall. I could hear her heels clacking all the way down the corridor.
We were alone.
For a moment, the boss and I stood there looking at each other, neither of us knowing where to begin, before the boss's lip curled and he swept behind my desk and took my seat. Once sat, his head fell into his hands, a curtain of long black hair obscuring his face. Then, without moving, he spoke, his voice slightly muffled.
"How long, Sasuke-kun?"
"Just over two months," I replied tonelessly. "At the Product of the Year awards."
The boss's breath hitched.
"Where?" he asked, with a touch more venom, still not looking at me.
"Don't worry. It wasn't in our bed, if that's what you're thinking. It was in Karin's."
I felt a thrill of victory as I saw the boss's hands clench into fists, gripping bunches of his beautiful, black hair.
"When?" he demanded.
I dropped the bomb.
"Round about the time you were in the suite next door fucking Kimimaro."
Suddenly, the boss's head snapped up. He was wearing a carefully guarded expression, his hands still bunched into fists in his hair. Then he said something that made me lose it completely.
"Don't be ridiculous, Sasuke-kun," he said, as though chastising Kylie for some childish misdeed. "You stupid boy. Whatever made you think that? Whoever told you that is obviously intent on poisoning you against me. I would never do that. Not to you, Sasuke-kun."
Lies...
Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies! Lies upon lies upon more goddamned lies! The boss's sheer audacity stunned me into a momentary silence, during which I felt all the nasty, dirty, hurtful feelings bubbling up inside, making my head feel hot. I could contain them no longer. I snapped.
"DON'T YOU DARE DENY IT!" I screamed suddenly, ferociously. I must have looked like I was actually losing my mind. Heaven knows it felt like it. "DON'T YOU DARE, OROCHIMARU-SAMA! YOU LEFT THE GODDAMNED DOOR OPEN, YOU IDIOT SHIT, AND I HEARD YOU BITCHING TO HIM ABOUT ME. I SAW YOU KISS HIM, OROCHIMARU-SAMA – AND IT WAS YOU WHO KISSED HIM, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! I SAW YOU CRAWLING ON TOP OF HIM AND I COULDN'T WATCH AND I SPENT THE NEXT HOUR AND A HALF CRYING AND THROWING UP IN THE BATHROOM BECAUSE OF YOU!!
SO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I'M STUPID, OR THAT I'M SEEING THINGS, OR THAT SOME IMAGINARY RANDOM IS SPREADING RUMOURS. I SAW YOU, OROCHIMARU-SAMA. WITH... MY... OWN... EYES!!"
By the time I had vented my spleen, the boss looked as though he was the one who had been slapped across the face. He was silent. I could hardly believe it. He really hadn't the faintest clue. I laughed a bitter laugh and ran a hand through my hair, attempting to recover a shred of composure. I went on.
"I was so angry," I said, my voice thick with emotion. "I was so angry I wanted to murder you. You betrayed me, Orochimaru-sama – and I wanted to get back at you for what you did to me. So I called Karin.
Now, I don't know if you knew, but here's a newsflash: she's madly in love with me. You're not the only one with looks and a bit of charm. You're not the only one with people who'll jump when you click your fingers. She was only too willing to put her job on the line when I came knocking at her door wanting a revenge fuck to get back at you. And it worked like a charm, didn't it, Orochimaru-sama! I mean look at you! What a reaction! I couldn't have imagined anything more spectacularly possessive – and that's saying something, since it's you we're talking about..."
The boss continued to stare at me, his expression inscrutable. I went on.
"You know what the worst thing was, though?" I asked, the aching feeling blossoming in my chest again. "The worst thing about it was that I knew exactly where you were going at night. You'd make up your lies – and I knew they were lies – and I'd smile and tell you to hurry back. But do you know what, Orochimaru-sama? I didn't want you to hurry back. Because I knew that when you came home you'd find me and slime your way into our bed. Every word you said to me, every touch made me want to gag.
"But do you know what else?" I said, mirroring the boss's nasty smile and throwing it right back at him. "It wasn't just Karin."
The boss's eyes widened ever-so-slightly.
"You know when you ran off that first Christmas because I shouted at you for talking to Kimimaro behind my back? — and there's yet another thing you've lied to me about. What happened to being content not to see or speak to him ever again, huh? Personally, I think you've gone far beyond seeing and speaking, or maybe lexical and semantic rules don't apply to you either? But I'm straying from my point, and you'd better listen to it, Orochimaru-sama, because I've wanted to tell you this for so long. Every argument we've ever had, I've wanted to throw this in there – but I'm glad I kept it back. I'm glad I saved it until now, because this is just fantastic.
I kissed Sakura, Orochimaru-sama. I kissed her on a bench outside your house, and we were there for quite some time. I must admit I didn't particularly enjoy it, but I needed it – having been emotionally ham-strung by you not long prior. Ha, I think there's something of a pattern emerging here, don't you think...?"
I took another deep breath and sighed. It was heartfelt and seemed to come from the very core of my being. Something inside me then just broke, and all the anger seemed to evaporate in an instant.
"Orochimaru-sama, please... I can't take this anymore. If you have any feelings left for me, any whatsoever... I mean... If you're going to fire me, fire me. Or at least transfer me to another branch. I'm begging you..."
I trailed off, the energy my righteous indignation afforded me having fizzled out. The boss sat there behind my desk, his head tilted to one side, looking at me funny. He didn't blink. Not once. It unnerved me a little.
All of a sudden, he smiled wryly and said, "Oh no, Sasuke-kun. You are not going anywhere—"
And before I knew it, he was kneeling atop my desk, leaping upon it with almost feline grace. His pale hands shot out, and I gasped as I felt his fingers threading tightly through my hair. He jerked me towards him, so our faces were but inches from touching, and it was then I noticed the manic glint in his eyes.
"If you think I am going to let you go after what you've done, Sasuke-kun, then you are labouring under a delusion. Despite your transgressions, I am feeling charitable; therefore, I will do you a service and dispel it."
Then he leaned forward and whispered to me, so close his hot breath tickled my ear and made all the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
"You are mine, Sasuke-kun. You sealed your fate when you accepted my invitation to work for Otogakure-Enterprises. I wanted you right from the beginning. I wanted you, and I won you. Having won you, my beautiful Sasuke-kun, I have since become unnaturally attached to you. So if you think I will accept your resignation or let you walk out of the door, you are very much mistaken..."
Suddenly, the boss swung his legs around and forced me to press up against him. A wave of fear and revulsion swept through me. Instinctively, my hands rose to push him away, but his fingers were tight-knit into my hair and it hurt like hell when I tried to pull back. It felt like my scalp was on fire. The boss had pressed his forehead against mine and he was grinning like a man possessed. I really thought he had gone mad or something. It was scary.
"I am possessive, you are right, Sasuke-kun," he breathed. "I am also very, very jealous. The thought of you with another, frankly, makes me want to do something awfully stupid. You see, as far as I am concerned, you belong to me – and no other. I cannot let this happen again. You are mine, Uchiha Sasuke. Mine! And if you do not understand that, then I will simply have to make you—"
The boss forced his lips against mine, extracting from me a brutally passionate, unwilling kiss, an action that caused every nerve in my body to protest against his intrusion. Before I knew it, I was panicking, and my hands flew up to his, still gripping my hair, and I clawed at them, trying desperately to make him let go. He didn't, and I almost stumbled when he pushed himself off the desk and forced me hard against the filing cabinet, sending a pile of CD cases clattering to the floor.
There was only one thought going through my mind at that moment, and it rang loud and clear. I did not like it one bit. All I knew was that to make sure the thought did not become reality, I had to get away from the boss.
With a burst of strength, I managed to reach up and grab one of his wrists, and I slammed it repeatedly against the filing cabinet, even though every time I did it ripped my hair out. The boss hissed in pain and finally let go. As soon as I felt him relinquish his grip, I shoved him hard in the chest and he went sprawling again, sliding across all the loose paperwork and office debris scattered over the floor.
I ran.
Just as I reached the door, I heard him call out to me, in a mocking tone.
"I will see you tomorrow, Sasuke-kun. Bright and early."
I did not look back. I sprinted out of HQ and flew back to the compound, driven by demons of panic and dread, spurring me on past exhaustion as my feet pounded the pavement. And it really was panic. I was almost on the verge of hysteria. I could feel that tight, uncomfortable feeling in my chest and my head felt hot and prickly. Trying to think in such a state was difficult, but I knew right away I had to tell someone, because there was no way in hell I would be going to bed with the boss. No way in hell. The police, obviously, wouldn't do anything about it. The boss had already made that abundantly clear. There were, however, others who would be more than willing to protect me.
I found Naruto, Jiraiya, Kiku and Kabuto sitting in the dining room, playing poker. They looked up when I entered, all smiles, as I threw the door open with a bang. At the sight of me, their smiles faltered. I must've looked like I'd just run a marathon – or been mugged – with my hair a complete wreck and my shirt undone and my shoes missing.
"Dude..." Naruto ventured cautiously, "... are you okay?"
"No... No, not really."
"Do you want to sit down?" Kabuto said, pulling out a chair.
"No! N-No, it's okay," I replied, waving a hand in dismissal. "I just... I mean, I... Guys, there's something I have to tell you, and I have to tell you right now because it's serious."
The atmosphere in the room changed instantly, their expressions all a mirror of wary concern.
"What's up, Uchiha?" Jiraiya said gravely, tossing his hand onto the table. "Go on, spill it."
Dying a little inside, I forced myself to tell them. It took everything I had. Holding my head up high, a pathetic shadow of Uchihan pride, I spoke.
"The boss has been sleeping with Kimimaro behind my back," I said, my voice wavering. "Ever since the Product of the Year awards. I found out, and I've been sleeping with Karin to get back at him. He caught us in my office. H-He went berserk – and I don't know what's going to happen!"
The last part came out in a rush, as the freakout that had been threatening finally overtook me, and I sank to the floor, staring into space. I only vaguely recalled the general noises of outrage. I do remember hearing a grating squawk as Naruto pushed his chair back. He started shouting, "WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK? I'M GONNA KILL HIM! I'M GONNA KICK HIS ASS!" while Kiku pulled and hauled at him, trying to calm him down. Kabuto was asking me if I was alright, while Jiraiya stood up, shrugged on his red overcoat and headed straight for the door. I remember cracking then, and I screamed and grabbed his ankle, begging him not to bring the boss back. He crouched down in front of me and spoke kindly but frankly.
"Don't worry, kid," he began. "I'm not gonna bring him back here so he can cause mayhem. I just wanna talk to him, okay?"
Miserable, I nodded. Then Jiraiya smiled and gave me a gentle punch on the shoulder, before talking to the others above my head as though I were mental myself and needed to be handled with care.
"Look after him," he murmured to the rest, "and don't let him out of your sight. If I don't find Oro and he gets back here first, you stay with Sasuke no matter what happens, you hear—?"
Jiraiya's words died in his throat as the boss appeared in the doorway. At the sight of him, butterflies began to flutter in my stomach, making me feel sick. The boss briefly surveyed the scene. Sensing tension, he did not come in, but instead smiled an odd, tight smile and asked for Kabuto. He was sweating a little, and his voice was taut, despite projecting a studied air of unconcern.
Obediently, Kabuto bowed and followed him out the room. So, too, did Jiraiya. When he was gone, I breathed a long sigh of relief. Naruto jogged over, slinging my arm around his neck and hauled me up, with Kiku following. We found our way upstairs to Naruto's room, where I eventually told them everything that had happened since the Product of the Year awards (the whole, sordid tale, with the exception of the boss's psychotic turn in my office. I wasn't ready to talk to anyone about that yet.)
When I had finished my story, I felt exhausted – utterly drained – and I fell back on the bed and let Kiku and Naruto's righteous anger wash over me. They railed against the boss (how could he treat me like that?), against Kimimaro ("Home-wrecking piece of shit! I'm gonna kick his ass!") and expressed worry over what would happen to Karin ("Oh my god, she was like, totally my friend when I was PA. I really hope she's okay. God, Naruto, I hope she's okay!") I let it wash over me, their voices and their company keeping my sanity in check. My head was aching where the boss had practically torn out lumps of my hair, and my back hurt from when he'd slammed me into the filing cabinet. All I could do was pray the pain would go away, because it reminded me of the boss's ominous words and the terrifying, mad glint in his eye.
I was so wound up, I jumped when Jiraiya knocked at the door. He came in and sat down on the beanbag chair and looked at me levelly.
"Okay, I've talked to Oro," he said gravely. "Kid, I don't know what you've done to him, but you've flipped him. I'd watch yourself if I were you. You and me both know how ugly he can get when he's riled. I know you've had loads of arguments, but trust me, this'll be your first time on the receiving end. I hope you can take it."
He paused for a moment, lost in thought, before adding, "Also, turns out he's got a broken wrist. Kabuto took him down to the labs and X-rayed him and drove him to the hospital. Did you have anything to do with that?"
I started gabbling.
"Jiraiya, I- I swear I didn't mean it! He just sort of grabbed me and he wouldn't let go and I had to—"
My mouth snapped shut when Jiraiya held up a hand, silencing me.
"It's cool, kid," he said. "You don't have to tell me anything else. That's all I need to know."
Then he rose with difficulty from the beanbag chair (they're comfortable, but I'll be damned if anyone can get out of one of them without grunting and groaning and acting like you're forty years older than you actually are). Heading for the door, he gave me a few last pieces of advice.
"If I were you, kid, I'd work on getting yourself fired. And I also suggest you stay here tonight. That okay, Naruto?"
Naruto nodded, his eyes aflame with purpose.
"Right then. You coming, babe?"
"Yeah, sure," Kiku said, strangely subdued, taking Jiraiya's hand and following him out into the corridor.
For a while longer, Naruto and I stayed up talking. I say "Naruto and I" when it was actually mostly Naruto. I was still a little numb and didn't much feel like making conversation. Early on, I had to fight hard to convince him not to go looking for the boss, since he expressed a strong desire to "break his other wrist" but he eventually calmed down to a dull roar, and he said he just couldn't believe what had happened. I reminded Naruto that it was partly my fault, but he wouldn't hear of it. The boss had driven me to it, he said, and he deserved everything he got. Naruto also said that if it came down to it, he'd kidnap me and take me back to Konoha – to hell with corrupt Otogakure cops. Konoha, he said, would defend me. I became a bit watery-eyed at that point and gave Naruto a manly, one-armed hug as expression of my gratitude.
Have I ever said how much I love Naruto? I know I've said it before in the past, but this is definitely one of those times where it needs to be said. I'm really lucky to have him as a friend. More than anything right now, I can cling onto that, if nothing else.
It's late, and Naruto has fallen asleep in his blue cotton pyjamas and frog nightcap, slumped across the bottom of the bed. His mouth is open, and he's drooling and snoring loudly. Normally, this would drive me mad, but tonight... it's kind of reassuring. Jiraiya popped his head round the door before he went to bed to inform me that the boss was asleep, doped up on painkillers, and that he wouldn't be bothering me. I guess that's a good thing?
Despite all the scary shit that went down, I feel awful about breaking his wrist. Maybe I panicked in the heat of the moment. We've been seeing each other for almost three years, and never once has he forced me to do something against my will...
I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight.
October 2nd
I am so angry and tired and fucking sick of it all right now.
But I have a plan and friends around me to keep me going. There is hope. All is not lost.
Almost inevitably, you might say, I called in sick to work this morning. After last night, I don't feel I need to explain why. But you'd think, what with a freshly broken wrist and all, that the boss would have behaved like a normal human being and stayed in bed. Of course he didn't stay in bed. I was informed by Jiraiya that he was up at six, got dressed in his finest, ate nothing at all for breakfast and left for work without a word to anyone. Fine, I thought. Since he was out of the house, I decided I wanted to stay in. Anything to not have to see or speak to him.
At quarter to nine, I rolled over and picked up the house phone on Naruto's bedside cabinet and called Suigetsu to let him know I wouldn't be coming in because I wasn't feeling well. He said, "No sweat, Sasuke! I'll see ya when you get back, yeah?" I said bye and then I hung up. About an hour later, Kabuto came knocking on the door. Naruto answered and his expression brightened when he saw him.
"Heyyyy, Kabuto! What's up?"
Kabuto, however, did not look happy. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, saying, "Naruto, I need to borrow Sasuke for a minute."
"What's wrong?" I said, sitting up in bed, suddenly alert.
"Orochimaru-sama has called a general meeting. All the higher-ups are to attend – and that means you. He... wasn't best pleased when Suigetsu told him you had called in sick, and he sent me over here to fetch you directly."
"Over my dead body," I said fiercely. "Kabuto, there's no way in hell I'm going to his stupid meeting!
Again, Kabuto sighed. "He figured you'd say that. That's why he told me that either you come with me, now, or he'll come and get you himself."
Ignoring Naruto's outraged protests, insisting that I'd be fine, that I'd go to the stupid meeting and that I'd be back as soon as possible, I headed for the office with Kabuto leading the way. I did not relish the thought of the boss turning up to drag me, kicking and screaming, into work. He has humiliated me in front of everyone else before, and I did not want our dirty laundry aired in public a second time.
The closer we got to the meeting room, the more my nerves intensified. It was a weird feeling, trailing behind Kabuto like that, as though he were an executioner leading me to the gallows. I have watched a fair few historical dramas in my time (mostly because Sakura forced Naruto and I to watch them when we were flat-sharing) and in just over half of those, there was always some poor wretch who was condemned to death for some insignificant misdemeanour. Nine times out of ten, they would represent the epitome of dignity: calm and proud before the end. Sometimes, they would even give a stirring, pre-execution speech that would guarantee not a dry eye in the house. On the odd occasion, they really do not want to die, and weep quietly on their knees as the sword swings from behind, ending it all.
Personally? I wasn't really sure how I felt. I was fairly certain the boss would not be armed with a bloody katana or anything of the sort. However, unlike the unfortunate souls in Sakura's period dramas, I had no idea what was coming. There is a certain comfort in knowing what is ahead, that you can do nothing to stop it and will have to face what is ahead with your head held high. I had no such comfort. All I knew was that the boss most likely wouldn't be armed and that his summons did not bode well.
Before long, we reached the boss's office. Kin was hovering around outside, agitated, and she darted inside when she spotted Kabuto and I approach – probably to inform the boss I had arrived. A moment later, she was back.
"Orochimaru-sama is waiting for you," she said, bowing.
This uncharacteristic deference made my nerves jangle, and I took a deep breath and stepped inside. The boss was, indeed, waiting for me. He sat at the head of the table, dressed in a dark purple kimono – one that I like, and one that the boss uses when he wants to intimidate because it brings out his eyes. He had obviously got some underlings to arrange his hair, for it was not left long and free as is his workaday custom, but was extravagantly styled, pinned up and fixed in place with pins and combs. With a brief squeeze of guilt, I also noted the cast he sported on his wrist and that a livid-looking bruise had taken up residence all across what little skin I could see on his left hand. I was shocked. Had I done that to him?
As I stood, calm before the inevitable storm, Kin and Kabuto took their seats. Suigetsu, Gen'yumaru and Amachi were there too – as was Kimimaro. He was observing me from the far end of the room; warily, as though he aware something awful had happened and he wanted to blame me for it, but wasn't yet sure what that something was. I wondered whether he knew that I was the one who had sent the boss to hospital with a broken wrist? I doubt it. If he had, he would probably have went for me as soon as I stepped through the door.
There was one addition, in particular, that did unsettle me. Juugo was there. His presence, hunched over and staring fixedly into his cup of coffee, made the whole thing seem surreal. Oh god, I thought, this really is serious, this is it. In that moment, I truly believed I was going to be fired in front of everyone. Then I noticed whose seat Juugo was sitting in.
"Where's Karin...?"
I could hear the hesitancy and the apprehension in my own voice. I asked, but I did not want to hear the answer – not from the boss, anyway. I cast my glance around the table, but everyone else was too busy avoiding my eye or fidgeting. My heart started fluttering. Obviously, they knew something I didn't, and the only person I would be getting any information from would be the one person I would have given anything to have been ten thousand miles away from.
"Orochimaru-sama," I repeated, addressing him directly, "where's Karin?"
The boss regarded me for a prolonged moment with an expression unfathomable. Then a wry smile turned a corner of his mouth and he let me have it.
"Karin has been transferred, Sasuke-kun, to the South Base, with immediate effect. Her travelling privileges have been revoked, therefore, her subordinates will shortly follow her."
I was stunned.
For a moment, I could do nothing but gape openly at the boss, astounded that he would go to such lengths to punish me. He was moving the entire Sales and Marketing department to the South Base because I had wounded his pride and he wished to even the score. I looked round at the others. Not one of them would meet my eye.
"Did you know about this?" I said, addressing the room at large.
When no one was brave enough to speak out, Kabuto, as usual, stepped up to fill the void.
"Orochimaru-sama informed us this morning of his decision. It was not a matter for discussion. We could do nothing to change it."
"I see..."
"I'm sorry."
I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.
"Don't be sorry, Kabuto," I said, while directing a meaningful look at the boss. "We can always drive over to see her. The South Base isn't far. And there's the phone, texts, emails, IMs – lots of stuff like that. We can still talk to her, right?"
The boss smiled another twisted smile. He was prepared for my defiance, and in response, turned the screw that bit tighter.
"No, Sasuke-kun," he said simply. "You cannot."
"What?"
"Your travelling privileges are hereby revoked, with immediate effect. You will not leave the compound without my personal, prior written permission. If you do, this will constitute a breach of contract and I will be free to discipline you as I see fit. This is not a breach of your human rights, as this is Otogakure, not Konoha..."
He went on, and with every word, my fists clenched tighter until I could feel my nails digging in.
"... and your communication privileges are also suspended – provisionally, of course. You may not communicate with Karin in any way. If you make the attempt, I will know, for I am having her correspondences monitored. If you continued to make the attempt, despite my warning, this will constitute a breach of contract and I will be free to discipline you as I see fit. This is not a breach of your human rights, for, as you know only too well by now Sasuke-kun, this is Otogakure, not Konoha."
In one fell swoop, he had me trapped. It was true. The contract I signed when I came to work for Otogakure Enterprises included clauses that stated, due to the nature of the work carried out by the company, terms and conditions of my employment could change without notice. I did not think this would be an issue, since I was on the admin side, and, I was told, that stuff applied more to the lab rats, who were in daily contact with some pretty dangerous stuff. Still, I had to sign. I also had to sign under accordance with the Official Secrets Act, which forbids me from disclosing any information about the company's inner workings. This one definitely applied to me – and to Karin – since we have both helped hawk Otogakure Enterprises' more suspect wares to various powerful men in variously powerful countries.
I was so desperate to get out of Konoha that I signed without thinking of the consequences. Then, and now, I dearly wished I hadn't. I was effectively caged. Doomed to rattle impotently against the bars of my prison until Orochimaru-sama deemed it fit to release me – whenever that might be.
I was so angry it was difficult to even form a coherent sentence.
"You..." I began, still labouring under a haze of disbelief. "You're transferring the whole Sales and Marketing department just because... because Karin and I pissed you off?"
I wanted to defend myself, but I'd be damned if I was going to confess all in front of the other higher-ups. If they guessed, that was fine. Nothing I could do about that. As far as I was concerned, though, this was a matter between the boss and myself, and I hated that he had forced me to come and address him formally about a personal matter across a boardroom in front of my colleagues.
"Well done, Sasuke-kun!" he mocked, clapping his hands. "It has finally penetrated!"
"I cannot believe you're resorting to this," I stated. "This is going to cost the company... how much? I bet you've already got Juugo working on the figures. Well, I can tell you this much: it's not going to be a pretty sum. Hell, you'll probably transfer him too when he comes back and hits you with something you don't like! Now, I don't know what's happened to your work/life balance, but I suggest from now on that you keep your work the hell away from your private life if you're this willing to fuck one up for the sake of the other!"
"Oh, Sasuke-kun," the boss exclaimed, pouting. "You wound me. Truly you wound me, for I thought you would have known me well enough by now to realise that for me, there is no distinction between my work and my private life. My work is my life. My life is my work. They form a beautiful, symbiotic relationship. That is, of course, the biological habit of two dissimilar organisms living together and striking up a dependant relationship from which both mutually benefit."
I felt my lip curl.
"This isn't a lecture, Orochimaru-sama. I know what symbiotic means, you smug prick, and what you've got going on isn't! You're screwing up the company to get back at me. How you see that as mutually beneficial, I have absolutely no idea, but if you want to go ahead with it, then that's fine. Just give me a heads up before the company folds and I'll send out my CVs in advance..."
I picked up my suit jacket from where I'd draped it over the back of a chair, slung it over my shoulder, and headed for the door. When I got there, I turned and added, "Actually, this might be the best idea you've had for ages, Orochimaru-sama. If the company folds, I'll finally be able to see the back of you, you scary, fucked up, manipulative, controlling psychopath."
With that, I walked out, slamming the door behind me. Inside, I heard Kimimaro's voice rise in anguish, asking what was going on, and I felt a surge of malicious pleasure as I heard the boss snarl at him and tell him to shut up. The feeling was fleeting, though, as by the time I got back to the compound, I was furious. Dumping my bag at the front door for someone to pick up, I stomped through to the TV room, vaulted onto the couch and started punching one of the big cushions, imagining it was the boss's face. I was shouting and swearing and coming up with all sorts of colourful insults, so it was only a matter of time before someone walked past and heard me. That person happened to be Naruto, who had wandered downstairs to the kitchen to get some coffee. Clearly relieved to see me alive and with all limbs intact, he asked what happened at the meeting. I told him.
"Dude," he said. "Come up to the office. Jiraiya's there too. We've gotta come up with a plan to get you fired."
And that's what we're doing right now. Four of us (plus Kylie) are sitting here in Jiraiya and Naruto's office (really, a disused room in the west wing that has been converted for the purpose) and imagining what it would take for the boss to lose interest in me.
I never thought I'd be able to say this so soon after this morning, but really, I'm kind of having fun. It's been a brilliantly entertaining distraction, and I have laughed rather a lot. Kiku has just got back from taking Kylie out for a walk in her pram, and when she heard what happened to Karin, she was uncharacteristically morose. However, when our list of ways to help me get fired was revealed, she came alive again with purpose and has been putting forward many hilarious suggestions while bouncing Kylie on her lap.
I have also come up with an avoidance tactic for today. This involves staying here in Jiraya's office for the rest of the afternoon, distracting him from his work and finishing off my get fired plan. Then I shall be heading along to Naruto's room, in which I will take my evening meal and in which I will stay for the rest of the night.
The boss might have the upper hand here, but I'll be damned if I'm going to go down quietly...
LATER:
Here, for your delectation, is the finished plan.
The Official Plan to Get Sasuke Fired and Save Him From that Butt-Head Oro
suggestions by Naruto, Sasuke, Jiraiya, Kiku and Kabuto
1. Piss him off by cutting the tips off all his condoms and pouring all his lube down the sink. [Definite!]
2. Play music he hates at loud volumes and dance around in an irritating manner. [Don't know if this'll annoy him enough. I shall have to choose my song carefully, though I may have one in mind...]
3. Invite Madara over without asking [Never, never, never in a million years.]
4. Slash up his good kimono with scissors [Not sure. I like them too, so it would seem like sacrilege to me.]
5. Have a STI test at the genital-urinary clinic and publicly announce the results at a meeting. [I would absolutely love to do this, but I have a sneaking suspicion I'd be as well committing suicide.]
6. Talk loudly and at length about all the people I think are hot on TV [Definite!]
7. Constant presence of the obnoxious, uncouth, loud-mouthed, manbot friend (aka Naruto) to irritate and serve as a foil for the boss [Already arranged, as Naruto has gladly agreed to step up to the mark.]
8. Get fat [It is regrettable, but no sacrifice is too great. Besides, this one might actually work...]
9. Join the Straight-Edge Club [With my track record, I'm not sure if they'd even let me join.]
10. Fake my own death [If nothing else works.]
11. Tell Itachi [The Last Resort.]
Naruto and I have decided to carry out step one of the plan tomorrow night. I shall report back and let you know whether I have been fired or not.
October 4th
Step of plan executed: step one (condom shredding)
Effect on the boss: mild irritation
Status: not yet fired
Details of execution:
During yesterday's lunch break, I sneaked back to the compound to meet Naruto at exactly thirteen-hundred hours in the main stairwell as planned. Armed with scissors, together, we stealthily crept up to the boss's bedroom. I fished out every pack of condoms I could find and gathered together all the loose ones, as well as every curled-up, half-finished tube of lube I spotted lying around. We spent an hour and a half chortling and shushing each other as we cut the tip off of every single damned one, before taking the lube through to the sink in the en-suite and pouring the whole lot down the drain.
Just we were about to leave, however, Naruto had a stroke of genius. This involved tears of laughter as we spent another ten minutes carefully spelling out the message "SURPRISE, BUTTHEAD!" on the bed with over fifty droopy, vandalised condoms.
Details of outcome:
The boss barged into Naruto's room at ten to nine later that night with his duvet bundled up like a hobo-pack in his good hand. Naruto and I were playing Final Fantasy X (for the millionth time) and he stepped forward and pulled the plug out of the socket, undoing all our hard work. Confronted with our outraged faces (we hadn't saved for ages), he smiled nastily and said, "Nice try, Sasuke-kun."
Then he spun the duvet round and flicked it out like a towel.
The bastard had obviously spent quite a lot of time cutting the condoms up into much, much smaller pieces, so when the duvet snapped out straight, all the little latex fragments were sent a-whirl into the air, falling down on us like rain. The boss smirked and stalked out, slamming the door behind him. It took us forty-five minutes to pick all the damned bits up, and now Naruto's room smells strongly of condoms.
Peer approval rating:
Jiraiya found the whole situation hilarious and demanded Naruto send him the photo he took of the abusive condom-message we left on the boss's bed. The photo is now installed on his Flickr account, taking pride of place on his front page along with the photos of his girlfriend and his baby daughter.
October 10th
Step of plan executed: step three (constantly played annoying song)
Effect on the boss: moderate irritation
Status: not yet fired
Details of execution:
Due to the boss developing the rather unnerving habit of turning up at my office unannounced to speak to me for trivial reasons that would best be dealt with via email, I had to develop a countermeasure in turn to ensure this behaviour was corrected.
Each time the boss appears at my office, I have taken to playing "Liar" by Rollins Band at an inconsiderately loud volume, and I stare at him stonily and ignore him until he snaps and storms off in a bad mood.
Details of outcome:
The boss has now stopped coming to my office unannounced. Success!
Peer approval rating:
High. For although no one at work knows why I am playing it, the song has experienced a sudden resurgence of popularity at Otogakure Enterprises. This is because I accidentally played it at Suigetsu, having mistakenly believed he was the boss coming to annoy me again. As soon as he heard the scathing chorus, he yelled, "Whoa, man! I fucking love this song! Haven't heard it for ages!" Naturally, he went straight back to Human Resources, downloaded it and put it on the department radio shuffle. Now everyone is playing it, and the boss cannot get away from it. Ha!
October 14th
Step of plan executed: step six (hot people on TV)
Effect on the boss: absolutely no irritation at all on my part; quite the opposite, in fact. Jiraiya was the one who managed to irritate him the next morning. Yes, I am ashamed of this state of affairs.
Status: resolutely not fired, the way things are going...
Details of execution:
This step was not so much a step forward as ten steps back. Naruto, you see, had to leave for an overnight in Konoha in order to attend a morning meeting with Jiraiya. Presented with an opportunity to visit her father and sister, Kiku decided to tag along and bring Kylie with her. Before Naruto left, he insisted that if the boss "tried anything funny" I'd to ring him and he'd be straight over on the first flight. I said that, really, it wasn't necessary and that I'd just try to avoid him and wait it out until everyone got back. And besides, I had Kabuto, so things would be okay. Right?
Obviously, matters did not work out according to my design. This was because Kabuto had, at the last minute, decided to hole himself up in the labs along with a small cadre of his fellow lab rats and two crates of cup ramen because he was waiting on the results of some very important experiment that seemed to mean quite a lot to him. Therefore, I was left completely unsupervised and without guidance. This was not a good thing.
Since the boss doesn't normally watch TV unless I'm around to force him, I decided the safest way to deal with my evening meal would be to order a pizza and eat it in the TV room. Oh how I ground my teeth and clenched my fists when the boss poked his head round the door and announced that he would be joining me. In came the small army of underlings, defiling the slovenly sanctity of the TV room by setting up a low table for the boss to sit at, placing upon it lots of painstakingly prepared dishes in pretty bowls at which the boss would pick at his leisure. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he smiled carelessly and replied,
"I am no longer used to eating alone, Sasuke-kun, and have found I do not care for it in the least. I know that if I had asked you to join me, you would have become characteristically belligerent. Therefore, I have resolved to join you and your disgusting, greasy pizza – whether you like it or not."
"Whatever," I said, reaching for the remote and flipping it to the Mikatsuhikata Music channel. "Just don't talk to me. And FYI, Orochimaru-sama, it's spicy chicken with tomato and red and green peppers. This is what normal people eat. Normal people – unlike you."
So we sat for an indeterminate length of time and watched music videos in am odd, resolute sort of silence. During said period of silence, I suddenly realised I had been gifted with an ample opportunity to execute step six of my plan to get myself fired: talk loudly and at length about all the people I consider hot on TV. This led me to commit my first big mistake. I started talking to him.
As I began to pronounce my opinion on the various nubile, feminine forms writhing around the screen on various rap videos ("I'd do her. Wouldn't do her. Do her. Do her. Eww... hell no. Do her. Do her. Take some of your make-up off and we'll talk...") the boss appeared to show an inordinate amount of interest in my judgements. This resulted in him critiquing my opinions and quizzing me on my choices. This was not how it was supposed to go.
"I agree with you on that young woman with the blonde hair, as she is clearly a natural blonde and possesses naturally pretty, regular features. However, I am disappointed with your choice in the other blonde. She is wearing far too much make-up and it is all too apparent she has resorted to plastic surgery in order to gain those hideously overlarge breasts..."
Before I knew it, he was sitting cross-legged on the couch beside me, and we were slipping back into our old, comfortable way of bickering about the quality of whatever happened to be on television. The boss began to wax lyrical on the incredible tackiness of the rap video in general, stating that he found it disgusting and crass how they spoke constantly of money and women and cars. I said that while I agreed with him, I also felt that it was understandable for people who have had tough upbringings to want to let the world know they've succeeded, despite the odds. The boss then countered, saying that Kiku had not had a particularly luxurious upbringing and was wonderfully discreet about matters of money. In turn, I insisted that this was because Kiku did not really care about money and power and started going out with Jiraiya in the first place because she liked Jiraiya – plain and simple. I also added, rather truculently, that I did not care much for the boss's wealth and influence myself – especially when he used it against me – and that I had become involved with him not because he was rich, but because he was clever, he made me laugh and I enjoyed his company when he wasn't being a jealous psycho.
This admission caused the boss to tilt his head to one side and fix me with that funny, intent look I never know how to read. I cringed, wanting to slap myself for letting that slip out.
There followed one of those strange, loaded silences where you're not quite sure which way the situation is going to go – whether they're going to kiss you or walk out.
In the end, neither happened. The boss turned away first, saying, "I am tired of this vacuous tripe. I want to watch something else. Change the channel, Sasuke-kun."
I did.
A Family Guy double-bill was on the other side. Staying to watch it with him was another grave mistake. We both adore that show, and about half-way through, we forgot how angry we were with each other and ended up laughing ourselves silly at the episode where Lois gets taijutsu lessons. At the end, we were both in a good mood and feeling quite kindly disposed toward one another. Hence the horrible pangs of guilt every time I caught a glimpse of the boss's broken wrist and livid bruises. If I'm honest, it has been plaguing me all week, and I couldn't take it anymore. For though I resolutely would not apologise for anything else I had done to him, because he deserved it, he did not deserve that.
"Orochimaru-sama...?" I began hesitantly.
In the background, an obnoxious, twenty-something, middle-class, snowboarding, man-moron shouted at us to buy Pepsi.
"Hmm?"
"I'm really, really sorry about doing that to your wrist," I said, squirming. "I didn't mean... to go that far, and—"
"Hush, Sasuke-kun," the boss said, interrupting me with a note of soft impatience. "Do not speak of it."
"But, Orochimaru-sama, I'm really sorry..."
The boss turned to face me with a look that was a perfect mixture of amusement and incredulity.
"Sasuke-kun, your defiant nature never ceases to astonish me. Even when apologising you must insist."
I opened my mouth to do just that, but the boss laid a finger on my lips.
"Hush, Sasuke-kun," he said, smiling. "I do not want to hear another word about the matter."
I sighed, shrugged and sat back to watch an old David Attenborough documentary about Galapagos tortoises. Now, I don't know when, I don't know how, but we ended up kissing on the couch. Nothing else. Just kissing. We would kiss for a while, then we would pull back and watch TV, then we would kiss again, watch more TV, and the whole process repeated itself again and again but with increasingly shorter television-watching breaks, until at one-thirty in the morning I found myself squished up against the back of the sofa, lying next to the boss, who had fallen asleep, having kissed himself out.
I knew I should have got up and left, but I didn't. I don't know why. The next thing I knew, I woke up next to him this morning, still on the couch, with a duvet draped over us by Jiraiya. The reason I knew Jiraiya had done the deed was because he had written two yellow post-its in his big, loopy hand and stuck them to the couch – one addressed to me and the other to the boss. He must have come back early for some reason. I realised with a sinking feeling it was probably because Naruto had badgered him.
The messages were short and to-the-point.
My post-it said:
"Uchiha, what are you doing?"
The boss's post-it said:
"Oro, leave the poor kid alone, he's suffered enough."
Details of outcome:
Jiraiya's post-its were like a bucket of cold water applied directly to the face upon a chilly, spring morning. They were one hell of a wake-up call. For one, it made me consider for the first time what other people (besides Itachi) thought of our relationship.
Now, I realise that I may come across as a shade arrogant on the odd occasion, and that is because I possess the firmly held (and correct) belief that the opinions of others are largely irrelevant. This is almost always true, because, for the most part, the vast majority of people are not as clever as me. If a given individual happens to possess an intellect superior or equal to my own, I tend to respect their opinions highly, even though my Uchihan pride will never let me show it.
Jiraiya is one of those people I secretly respect, and the thought of him viewing me as a poor kid suffering under the crushing weight of the boss's personality... it was horrible. It hurt my pride, kicked my self-esteem right in the teeth and made me question everything that had ever happened with the boss since day one. Did everyone feel the same way?
I wanted to get away to think, so I peeled back the duvet and gingerly climbed over the boss, doing my best not to wake him. Of course, he began to stir (you couldn't wake him with a jack-hammer during the night, but he is so easily disturbed in the morning, a sneeze will make his eyes snap open.) Still warm and sleepy, he yawned and stretched, instinctively reaching for me, gracing my legs with his fingertips. Perched on the very edge of the couch, my muscles tensed at his touch. Clearly, last night's calm and content was but a momentary lapse. I felt like screaming.
Eventually, the boss woke up properly and spotted the post-its. With a frown, he plucked them from the back of the couch. His frown deepened to a scowl as he noted their contents. He turned to me, and there was no sign of sleepiness in the cold look he sent me.
"Am I so unbearable?"
The boss always enters into an argument with such dangerous, rhetorical stabs. I drew my knees into my chest and said nothing in reply. When it became clear I was not going to rise to his bait, the boss's lip curled.
"Very well, Sasuke-kun," he hissed, his eyes flashing. "Your silence betrays you. Clearly you cannot stand to be near me, since I make you suffer so."
With an ugly look, the boss crushed the post-its in his fist and rose abruptly, still clothed in last night's kimono. He swept out of the room, closing the door behind him with a bang. For a while, I sat there, balanced on the arm of the couch, hugging my knees to my chest, staring into space. I wasn't really thinking about much. This was mainly due to the horrible ache in my chest resurfacing after the door slammed shut; that irritating, perennial ache that seems to represent feelings for the boss; the ache that I wish would just get the hell out of my life and leave me alone and never come back because it confuses me and makes me want to bang my head against the wall at how I can still have feelings for such a terrible bastard.
Having summoned up the motivation to drag myself upstairs to wash and dress, I trudged back downstairs to see if there was any coffee going. I sighed, realising there would be no coffee if I did not make a trip to Starbucks as I detected the distinct sounds of the boss and Jiraiya yelling at each other in the kitchen. They were obviously in full-flow, as they were making no attempt to lower their voices on the off-chance they would be overheard.
"You interfere with my relationship with Sasuke-kun again, Jiraiya, and I will make you regret it!"
"Oro, you moron! Look at the state of your wrist! That's what you call a relationship?"
"Shut up! Don't you dare presume to tell me what does and what does not constitute a relationship!"
"I think I'm qualified! I've had more success than you!"
"Don't make me laugh! You think you've cracked it because you've spawned?"
"No, Oro. I've cracked it because I met Kiku. Because we actually... y'know... love each other. Because we don't cheat and fight and physically attack each other every time some stupid little thing goes wrong! If Kiku pisses me off, I talk to her about it! I don't go ringing one of my exes looking for a good time! I don't pull rank and never let her see daylight again without a note from me saying she can!"
There was a confusion of voices for a moment as the boss started arguing back, but Jiraiya turned up the volume and overrode him.
"— and even if it got real bad and we were fighting every day and we couldn't stand the sight of each other anymore — then I'd let her go! Because she'd be happier that way. Because we'd both be happier in the long run. Do you get what I'm saying?"
There was a long silence.
I don't know why I was holding my breath.
Then the boss said something that made my stomach do a sad, nervous, little flip.
"Jiraiya," he said, in a low, measured tone, "I will never let go of him. Never. I cannot. I will not. You will never persuade me otherwise. This conversation is at an end."
For the rest of the day after that, I was useless. I couldn't think straight. I was muddling my words, forgetting things, sending emails to the wrong departments, not listening to a word people were saying to me and having to ask them to repeat themselves because I was too busy freaking out about the status of my relationship, slash ex-relationship, slash what-the-hell-was-it-now-anyway-sort-of-relationship with the boss. To make matters worse, without Karin, my significant other's presence was mandatory at a meeting with the investors. We were there for three hours and he kept staring at me the whole time. I wish he would stop it.
Peer approval rating:
Low. Jiraiya has probably lost all respect for me, and Naruto was furious when he found out. Not with me, of course, but at the boss for "reeling me in like that again" and for "kissing me like that" (because apparently kissing for hours on a couch "is worse than drunk sex or some random shit like that.") I tried to tell him I hadn't exactly been "reeled", but that it was more of a spontaneous, organic occurrence that just... sort of happened. Naruto wouldn't hear of it, though, and he has somehow convinced himself that it was his fault it happened, and that the only way he can make amends is to stick to me like glue from now on. He has even asked for Jiraiya's permission to do his work in my office during the day, to which Jiraiya has consented. If I had not been party to his argument with the boss this morning, I would have found his decision rather bizarre. I suppose, though, it's Jiraiya's way of helping me out. Actually, that's not quite true. He's helping us both out. The boss and I are driving each other round the bend, and if we don't do something about it, we're going to screw ourselves up beyond repair.
October 27th
Step of plan executed: step seven (constant presence of man-bot friend)
Effect on the boss: he's cracking – this one is actually working
Status: not yet fired, but I think I'm close
Details of execution:
For almost a fortnight now, Naruto has aided me in the execution of step seven of my plan. I am beginning to think he is channelling Itachi, as my idiot best friend could most certainly give my brother a run for his money in the overprotective stakes. He guards me when I go to the bathroom in the morning, he guards me all day at the office, he guards me at dinner, he guards me during the night by putting up a chair against his room door when he knows I've finally fallen asleep – and whenever the boss comes within ten feet of me, he transforms magically into a surly, snarling, ardent defender-beast. "What the hell do you want?" "Leave Sasuke alone!" "Sasuke doesn't want to speak to you!" "Sasuke doesn't have to listen to you, you cheating scum!"
One night, the boss found me briefly alone while Naruto had gone to the bathroom. Sensing a rare opportunity, he tried to speak to me in private, only to find Naruto suddenly and resolutely standing between us, arms folded, wearing a dark scowl. The boss totally lost it then, and he actually went for Naruto and Jiraiya had to step in.
The next night, as payback, the boss brought Kimimaro back to the house. I knew this because Naruto, Kabuto and I wanted to order takeout and had to venture outside his room to find a menu for the local Indian. As I passed the dining room, I could hear the boss's voice within, conversing gaily with another. Puzzled at his change in mood, I risked a brief glance inside and caught a glimpse of Kimimaro's long, silvery hair and pale eyes, heard his wistful voice answering in laughter. Instantly, I felt a hot twist of jealousy and fought to suppress it. I felt a hand clap reassuringly on my shoulder.
"It's working, Sasuke," Naruto said grimly. "You'll just have to deal with him being here. He's trying to mess with you! Don't give up now."
I hate to say it, but Naruto is right. The plan is working. For although it hurts like hell when I see Kimimaro swanning around the house in nothing but a bathrobe (which makes it so obvious what he's been doing doing), and although I have to restrain the urge to haul off and beat Kimimaro bloody with a wrench every time he waltzes past, smirking at me with his big fat moon-face, and although I am technically living on a knife-edge as far as my sanity is concerned – the plan is working. Naruto is the ultimate cock-block. Even the boss's lunatic tenacity is withering under Naruto's will of fire.
Today, though...
Today could go either way. It is the boss's birthday, you see, and for as long as I've been with him, there has been something of a curse upon it. The first time, he got arrested when I ran away to Konoha, and the second time, we had a massive fight because he insisted it was his turn to visit Kimimaro in hospital when the skanky man-tramp was still riddled with tuberculosis. Given the history, I feel I may confidently predict that something awful will happen today. However, whether this curse is exclusive to the boss or dependant on my presence in his life is up for debate. Therefore, as I have stated, the day could go either way. On one hand, this could be the day I am finally fired, as he has been associating with Kimimaro more and more often these days, and will hopefully decide to cut his losses and get back together with the submissive pushover who will let him do anything he wants to him. On the other hand, if the curse is linked to me, I will have doubtless lost my mind by the end of the day.
I hope he doesn't come near me.
Please, please, please let him fire me...
LATER:
Sure enough, the boss has just left my office, having had his nose put out of joint once again by Naruto, my rabid guard-dog. This was a fairly rare appearance, as the boss has seen and spoken to me less and less since the night he snapped and tried to go for Naruto. As usual, he did not knock, but walked right in, heading straight for me. He was smiling, and I automatically smiled back at him before I caught myself and resumed my usual neutral expression I am now forced to wear when I'm around him.
"Sasuke-kun," he ventured, "I know we have had our differences, but would it be possible to have a moment with you in private? I crave your conversation, Sasuke-kun. Please indulge me."
Naruto was on his feet in a flash.
"Piss off, you creep!" he snarled. "Stop screwing with Sasuke's head! I dunno how you even have the nerve to speak to him after bringing that piece of crap Kimimaro back to the house! He doesn't want anything to do with you, so get lost!"
The boss turned his attention to Naruto, coldly looking down his nose at him.
"It barks and it barks and it barks," he retorted mockingly, "but does our little guard dog bite? Or, when it comes down to it, is it merely a toothless whelp?"
Naruto's fists clenched, and I could practically hear his teeth grinding. He doesn't have much experience in arguing with the boss, and isn't used to dealing with someone who can so easily get under his skin. Naruto wears his heart on his sleeve – always has done – so when he argues, it's pretty raw, and he can go from normal to rage in a heartbeat. I was surprised, therefore, at how well he managed to keep his cool in the face of the boss's subtle, smirking, snide attacks.
"It bites alright," he said, his voice wavering with emotion.
"Then let me see your teeth, little guard dog!" the boss countered, leaning forward and fixing Naruto with a manic, rictus grin. "Go on! I'm waiting...
Undaunted, Naruto snorted with derision and said, "You've already seen them. I'm biting. Right here, right now. I'm gonna stay with Sasuke until you get the hell out of his life – and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"
Naruto's words wiped the smile off the boss's face, replacing it with a very ugly look.
"Then prepare yourself, for now I will show you my teeth and claws," the boss whispered, leaning right into Naruto's face. "You remain in Otogakure only because of Jiraiya and because of my Sasuke-kun. I will get rid of one and take the other away, and when I am finished, I will rip out your teeth, little guard dog, one by one, until you are nothing more than a bleeding, toothless, shivering, beaten cur!"
Flashing a sickle sharp smile, the boss whirled around and stalked out of my office, leaving Naruto standing there, outraged, stunned, and beyond angry.
"Sasuke..." he growled, punching his fist into his palm, "... if I ever see him again, I'm gonna kill him."
You may understand, then, why I'm getting worried – for Naruto went to the bathroom half an hour ago and hasn't come back. I'll give it ten more minutes before I go looking for him, and if he's not in the higher-ups' bathroom, then I'm going back to the house and I'll meet him there.
God, I hope he hasn't done anything stupid...
October 29th
I am in Konoha, but not with Naruto. I am staying with my brother in his new house in the commuter belt in Port City. You should've seen Itachi's face when I turned up at his door, with two big cases stuffed to the brim with all the clothes and possessions I could carry. I wish I'd had a camera on me.
Kisame, too, knows I'm here, for he happened to be in the lounge with a glass of wine, listening to the radio and chatting to Itachi when I rang the doorbell. He is the only member of Akatsuki privy to this particular piece of information, however, as Itachi is intent on keeping it a secret from uncle Madara at all costs. This is fine by me, and Kisame is content to play along because he hates the man almost as much as we do; and since Madara lives in Kirigakure and doesn't step foot out of the place if he can help it, a surprise visit isn't likely to be on the cards. Therefore, my secret is most probably safe.
Itachi has told me to stay inside during the day and not to answer the phone. What a waste of breath! I spent all day yesterday in my pyjamas in front of the TV, and the thought of answering the phone is about as appealing as being fired into the sun in a tin can. I don't want to talk to anyone right now about anything. Except Itachi. Itachi is the only person I can talk to about what happened in Otogakure. Only Itachi. Only ever Itachi...
LATER:
When Naruto didn't come back from the bathroom, I went looking for him. I searched in the higher-ups' bathroom, as planned, and I popped my head around the Staff Room door and asked whether Amachi and Gen had seen him. Amachi's reply made my blood run cold. He said he'd seen Naruto talking to the boss not long ago by the water cooler, and that Naruto had most likely left for the compound already.
I didn't even stop to thank him and headed straight for the house.
I knew something bad had happened when I saw Jiraiya's BMW parked outside the front door. Kiku was sitting on the steps, staring into space and bouncing a screaming Kylie determinedly on her knees. There were suitcases. Inside, just inside, I could hear Jiraiya roaring at someone. He was angry – scary angry – and I could tell Kiku was trying her best to block it out because she kept kissing the top of Kylie's head and making soothing noises. How much it was for Kylie's comfort and how much for her own was anyone's guess.
I stood there for a moment, struck by an awful sense that my life was about to collapse about me, and with it, came a profoundly strange feeling of disembodiment. I felt like the world around me was a-whirl with chaos, but that I was frozen, suspended in an eerie calm in the middle of it all where I could do nothing but watch and wait, powerless to stop it. Clearest of all was Jiraiya's voice. It was fury as I had never before heard coming from him. It chilled me.
"YOU HAD NO RIGHT! YOU HAD ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT! YOU STAY AWAY FROM NARUTO!"
Naruto...
The mere mention of his name awoke me from my reverie. Instantly, I was consumed with worry. What had happened to him? What had happened to Naruto? Was it the boss? Had he gone for him again? Had he actually seriously hurt him?
Every part of my mind was screaming at me, telling me that if I found Naruto, that somehow everything would be okay, that everything would be alright and that I'd wake up at the bottom end of his bed with his big toe shoved up my nose as usual, and I'd be able to roll over, shut the alarm off and tell him all about the stupid nightmare I had.
I dearly wish it had been a nightmare. Not in my wildest dreams could I have conjured up anything near to what happened next.
The shouting grew louder, and the front door opened with a bang. Jiraiya stormed out with a suitcase in hand.
"YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME!" he roared. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY FAMILY, AND YOU STAY AWAY FROM NARUTO!"
Then the object of Jiraiya's ire appeared in the doorway. It was the boss. Who else would it have been? He leant against the doorframe, observing the madness he had created with a sublime indifference. Wearing all black, his white-pale skin stood out all the more, making him seem unearthly, like a malevolent spectre of ill-fortune. There was a movement behind him that made him look over his shoulder and smile nastily. It was Naruto, and he shoved the boss out of the way and marched determinedly down the steps towards the car. I panicked when I saw the suitcase he was dragging behind him.
I started running.
"Naruto!" I yelled desperately, willing him to stop, to not leave me here alone. "Naruto, wait! Don't go!"
At the sound of my voice, he turned to face me. I ground to a halt a foot away from him when I noticed the look on his face. His eyes were red-rimmed and glassy, and he seemed to be trying very hard not to cry. His jaw was set, and he was trembling.
"Naruto..." I began, hesitantly, because I knew something terrible had happened. "What's wrong?"
It came out of nowhere. I felt Naruto's fist connect with the side of my face and I stumbled, dark spots flashing in front of my eyes as pain shot through my skull. Before I knew it, he was on top of me, pummelling me with all his might. I took a few punches before survival instincts kicked in and I somehow managed to grab him, flip us both over and pin Naruto to the ground. I didn't hit him. Not once. I didn't want to. I was dazed, confused, angry and, as far as I was concerned, unjustly slighted. I had no idea what was going on. At that point, I was furious and in pain and wanted to beat the answers out of him. Then I felt a pair of strong hands grab my shoulders and drag me to my feet, away from Naruto. It was Jiraiya, and as soon as I was upright, he had Naruto on his knees and had locked his arms behind his head. It was scary. Naruto was struggling against him with all his might. He looked crazy.
"Come on, kid," Jiraiya muttered. "Don't do this here."
Naruto, in the state he was in, either did not or could not hear a word. His steely, ferocious gaze was fixed solely upon me.
"I HATE YOU!" he screamed.
"What?" I yelled angrily back. "I don't even know what you're talking about! You're gone for an hour and I come back and you're knocking the shit out of me? What the hell?"
Naruto's face twisted in anguish.
"ORO TOLD ME EVERYTHING!" he screamed, still valiantly struggling against Jiraiya's restraining hands. "HE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR SHITTY, SCUM-ASS FAMILY!"
A creeping feeling of dread stole over me.
"I don't know what you're talking about..."
"YOU DO!" he howled, tears streaming down his cheeks. "YOU DO, YOU LYING SACK OF UCHIHA SHIT!"
An insistent note crept into my voice.
"Naruto, seriously... please... I really don't know what you're talking about..."
"MY MUM AND DAD!" he cried out, his voice finally breaking as though it took all the effort he could muster to say aloud, to me, to his best friend. "YOUR UNCLE KILLED MY MUM AND DAD!"
As soon as the words left his mouth, the strength his all-consuming fury provided him seemed to leave too. He collapsed on the ground, weeping.
"And you kissed Sakura!" he sobbed, glaring at me accusingly through a haze of tears.
"Naruto, I'm sorry..."
"You're not sorry!" he yelled, pounding the ground with a fist. "You don't even like her! You swore to me you'd never make a move on her!"
"Naruto, I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean to..."
"Oh yeah? Like your uncle didn't mean to hire the bunch of dip-shit fucking goons that killed my parents?"
The world all around me was beginning to unravel. Reality was breaking apart and reordering itself to a colder, lonelier design.
"Naruto, please... I didn't know!"
"Bullshit! It's all bullshit!"
"You have to believe me!"
"And to think we were friends! We were friends, dammit!"
"We still are!" I insisted desperately, as I tried to keep hold of all the loose threads and spin them back into a life without murder and lies. "We're still friends! I'm sorry, Naruto. I'm so, so, sorry..."
Naruto didn't answer. He just lay there on the ground, sobbing.
I could do nothing.
I could do nothing as Jiraiya hooked Naruto's arm around his shoulder and hauled him up, half-dragging him over to the car while he was crying his eyes out. I could do nothing as he gently placed the best friend I've ever had into the passenger seat and closed the door behind him with a finality that would have made me weep if the numbness that had frozen my heart had allowed me. I could do nothing as Kiku and Kylie followed him, and I could do nothing as Jiraiya turned the key in the engine and pulled away, out of the compound with a screech of tyres, leaving me destroyed, defenceless and utterly, utterly alone.
I must've been in shock, because I don't remember the walk back up the steps into the house. I didn't even take my shoes off. I can vaguely remember wandering about, staring at vases, ornaments, paintings, running my fingertips along the walls so that I could feel something concrete, to convince myself I was not going mad.
I think the TV room must be my favourite room in the whole house. It's informal, filled with squashy sofas and mismatched cushions, with a coffee table riddled with actual coffee-mug burn marks. It's not pristine and intimidating like most of the unused rooms in the boss's house are. So, naturally, in my unsound state of mind, I gravitated to it, and I fell onto the very same couch where the boss and I kissed not long ago, and I curled up and stared into space.
I couldn't even cry.
I couldn't even do anything when the boss slipped into the room and closed the door quietly behind him. In a heartbeat, I felt him sit down next to me on the couch. My back was turned to him, and I felt him settle into the little nook created by my bent legs. He started stroking my hair. It was only then that tears began to leak out.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I whispered, in a voice completely drained of emotion.
The boss said nothing, but I felt him gently turn me around so my face was exposed. I shut my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at him, but then I felt his hand cup my cheek, brushing away my tears with a thumb.
"Don't cry, Sasuke-kun," he whispered, sweeping a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I cannot bear it."
Then he started kissing me.
For a moment, I lay there – numb, trembling and shocked to the core – as he graced my skin with light, butterfly kisses. Hysteria was bubbling up inside me, and I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. All I could do was plead, plead for him to stop as he kissed me over and over and over again.
"Please don't, Orochimaru-sama," I whispered, my voice getting higher and fainter as the boss's kisses intensified. "Please don't. Please... please... please... please... please..."
It stopped as suddenly as it began. I felt a flicker of uncertainty and I opened my eyes to find the boss staring at me, vaguely horrified, as though he had only just realised what he was doing, as though my words had finally reached him. He physically recoiled, shifting away from me, and his head fell into his hands, strands of long black hair obscuring his face.
For a moment, I lay there, staring at him, wondering what he was doing. When he didn't move, I slowly sat up, drawing my knees into my chest, and watched him warily.
"Orochimaru-sama...?" I began, hesitantly.
"Get out of my sight."
"What?"
"Get out of my sight, Sasuke-kun!" the boss repeated, with more vigour, his head still in his hands.
"B-But, I don't understand—"
"You heard me! Go. Now. Before I change my mind. I am officially granting you extended festive leave. The only condition of your release is that you return promptly on the second of January with everyone else."
He paused, taking a deep breath, before adding, his tone uncharacteristically weary, "When you return, I may consider a transfer..."
It felt like something inside me had exploded. Disbelief and joy were intermingled in an initial, warm and intense burst of pleasure. My face broke into a grin, the first genuine smile I have worn for several months. Though at the sight of the boss sitting before me, having retreated into his own private realm of distress, my happiness was tempered with a bitter twist of resentment and regret. The spiteful, proud, Uchihan part of me said that he deserved everything he got, and that it was only right he let me go after all he'd put me through. The less logical, human part of me, the part that had spent three years with the man and that had grown quite attached to him, regretted that it had come to this and wasn't sure whether it wanted to leave.
I knew I had to, though. I had spent so much time fighting for my freedom, and now that I had finally won it, I was not going to throw it away for the sake of clinging to an irrational and, quite possibly, unhealthy sentiment. The boss had done something that was probably a very difficult thing for him to do, something that must have taken all the strength he had. It was an act of kindness and generosity such as I had never witnessed from him, and I was not about to throw such a gift back in his face.
You see, he was letting me go.
Managing a fragile smile, I reached out and gently laid my hand on his. The only sign that he was aware of my existence was an almost imperceptible flinch at my touch. He was still sitting there with his head in his hands, motionless, as though he were carved in stone. I knew he could still hear me, though, however he much he might have pretended not to.
"Thank you, Orochimaru-sama. Thank you so much," I whispered, before I rose to my feet on unsteady legs and walked out.
I left him there in the TV room and went upstairs to pack my suitcases and phone for a cab. When I went down to say goodbye, he was gone. I did not go looking for him. I didn't even leave a note. What could I have said that would have made what happened any less awful? Words were inadequate. We had said everything we had needed to say, and the boss had had the final word.
The worst thing was saying goodbye to Mallory. I really did cry then, because I couldn't take him on the chartered flight to Konoha with me. It would've meant him spending a month in quarantine, since he didn't have a pet passport, and I couldn't bear the thought of him wasting away in a cage at an airport where people wouldn't know him or appreciate him. It was best he remain in Otogakure, where the staff will take care of him until my return in January and I can take him wherever I might end up having to go.
I don't really want to think about where that might be.
I've already had a talk to Itachi about uncle Madara and his role in the "business" killing of Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina. I waited until Kisame went away before mentioning it, and Itachi and I ended up talking late into the night. Understandably, I was distraught, and I was shouting at my brother – demanding, asking whether he had known all along. Itachi appeared troubled by the news and calmly replied that no, he had not known any of it. He suggested that perhaps knowledge of the perpetrator had been kept from us and from the general populace at large - and wisely so, for fear of retribution-killings snowballing into a war.
"The foundation of any lasting organisation is built on secrets and lies," he said finally, before drifting off to sleep at four am. "I am sorry you had to find out the hard way, Sasuke."
Secrets and lies.
I wonder...
AN: This chapter went to a pretty dark place a couple of times. Sorry about that, but it had to be done. The next chapter will be funny, I swear to you, for it is time for an Akatsuki Christmas! It may also warm your heart (or creep you out, depending on your tolerance for obsessive romance. XD) As for the manga lately... I have only one thing to say, and that is: "OMGWTFBBQ YONDAIIIIIIIIIIME!!111" -airpunch-
Thanks go out to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I am sorry for traumatising you. Really, I am. I swear I could feel voodoo pins when I went to bed after posting thirty-eight... XD
Risanda (I know! I'm sorry! But I had to do it! -weeps- I dreaded writing this chapter for a while because I didn't want to put Oro and Sauce through any more crap. Even I'm starting to feel sorry for them. All I can say is have faith in Sasuke. He will work his bitchy thing. And have faith in Oro, because that moment was really important. I'm glad you like the drama, though, because this chapter was crammed with it. XD Next chapter will be light-hearted and fun, I promise. I'm looking forward to writing it, too!)
Nozomi-sama (The intensity of your review made me lol! It was like your actual emotions as you went through the chapter. XD Thank you, though, for the compliment on my angst-writing skillz. I try to keep it real (lol). I think that's the best way to do angst. Might have totally went against my own advice with this chapter, but who's keeping track? :P And you are right. Oro is an asshole and Sasuke is an idiot. I wonder if they will ever realise it and come to terms with themselves?)
NayanRoo (Oh mama... I feel you're going to be cursing my name again after this chapter. XD You don't, by any chance, dabble in voodoo, do you? Maybe it'll make you feel a touch better when I say I dreaded writing this chapter for a few days and I really wanted to get thirty-nine over with so I could write the more optimistic and light-hearted forty. I had to take a lot of breaks when writing this one, and that's pretty unusual for me. Where the hell has this sudden conscience come from? And were so right on the mark when you talk of Sasuke finally realising that his actions have consequences that I'm wondering if you're secretly psychic. If you are, do not tell anyone what happens at the end! :| Also, I'm totally with you on worrying more about fictional characters' lives than those of people I know. It's bad. Maybe I could transfer some of my fic-writing conscience to everyday life. X|)
NaruGuru (I'm marvelling at how perceptive you guys are. When you said that Sasuke has given up so much to come to Otogakure, it was like a little lightbulb went on in my head. I never even thought of that, but you are so right. Sasuke really has given so much over to Oro that, really, he is entitled to keep a little of himself to himself - namely, his personality. XD Apologies for toying with your emotions, but being ever so slightly evil, I must torture my characters before they can find peace and equilibrium. :D)
LadyRouge214 (I know, right? Like, seriously. People are actually expecting me to do some work for uni now. What the hell? :P)
uberhaxxor of pwnage (Yes, Sasuke is, indeed, a first-class idiot. Anyone else would have been content to break down the door, catch them in the act and beat their cheating lover to death. Not Sasuke. He goes for the subtle, emotionally crippling revenge attack of doom. As for Madara... I have a mixed reaction when it comes to him. My first is usually the same as yours, as in "omfg you sleaze, leave sauce alone!". My second is, "yes... madara is here... let the shit-stirring commence and drama rain down from the sky! :D")
Kutsushita-Socks (Hey! No problem on the review. I do occasionally check out everyone's profiles to see what they're about when it comes to Naruto - and I really did like your fic. And don't worry about missing a review or two. Every once in a while, real life rears its ugly head and distracts one from what really matters: fanfic. XD And I'm not the best, most regular reviewer myself. Madara and Oro... both infuriating and brilliant. They're actually quite alike, now I come to think of it.)
Dooki (Oh no... Ice cream? Am I really that evil to Oro and Sauce? The answer is... yeah, most likely. But I do feel sorry for them. Honest! I dreaded writing this chapter for days because I knew what was coming. Plus, I had to get right into my angsty zone to make it work. Will that dissuade you from reaching for the ice-cream and voodoo dolls? Probably not, but hey, I tried! XD Perhaps I can console you with the thought of an Akatsuki Christmas reunion next chapter?)
Violet203 (Is this a new reviewer? I do vaguely remember a Violet, but you might not be the same one. If you are a new reviewer, then thank you very much for taking the time to write one out. It's much appreciated! :) I apologise for making you cry. I have the funniest feeling this chapter might have done it again, but we'll see.)
Roxanne Morinaka (Thanks for signing your review, otherwise I wouldn't have known it was you! XD You are right. Oro is getting waaaay out of control. His affection for the Sauce is beginning to border a little on "psychotic, jealous, control-freak", and Sasuke's irreverent way of treating him and tendency to deliberately push all of his buttons isn't helping. I'm glad you liked the pranks. And the "hammer time!" It's so true. MC Zabuza, keepin' it real.)
Luna-Lunak (Aie! You are another one I was sorely worried for, lol. I hope it isn't a case of the suspense is literally killing you. And the drama. And the angst. And the wounded pride and hurt feelings and all the other horrible stuff that went on last chapter and was pretty much the core of this chapter. Yeah... I guess this fic has kind of went to a dark place - but it is necessary, I promise you. It'll be worth it in the end. I can't tell you whether that end will be a happy or not, but you can always have faith in the master plan...)
Ashtray'Heart (Heyyyy! I recognise your screen name! You're the one who wrote that amazing NaruSasu fic with Sasuke as a student, coffee-house monkey. I love that fic, so I'm really glad you decided to wander over and take a look at mine. I'm flattered. :) Thanks for leaving a review, too. They're always much appreciated. :) I agree with you that it's so damned hard to try and write everyone into something. Especially with Naruto! There are so many names and characters to juggle. Now I know why Kishi always makes TenTen a bit crap.)
fiore777 (You must've had your update radar on, or something, because that was quite uncanny. To answer your Powerpuff girl question: Sasuke has watched it, Jiraiya has not. Sasuke is a fairly recent Konoha University graduate and, during the considerable downtime a student with a full scholarship with no need to work possesses, he watched quite a lot of crap TV. And well done for spotting the Oro hand-grabbing of Sasuke. You are right. Despite everything, the depth of feeling will never go away...)
Austeria (First off, having read your wonderfully eloquent and kind review (squee!), I suggest that you get writing. Pronto. Your comments about grand acts of gluttony and the use of the word 'culmination' (I love that word, no idea why) leave no doubt in my mind that you could write an absolutely cracking fic if you put your mind to it. I expect to see you registered and firing out one-shots within the month! ;) In all seriousness, though, thanks so much for the nice comments. I've had quite a few people say to me that they usually hate, hate, hate OroSasu, but that this fic is so retardedly silly that they're willing to let it slide. That's good, because it's what I was aiming for. Plus, if you managed to (even shakily) predict the plot, then I fear your powers of insight. XD)
YoungSasuke (Do you study literature or something? You're very good at reading between the lines and into character's thoughts and emotions. I suppose one of your predictions definitely did come true this chapter: the can of worms was, indeed, super-sized, and came in Oro flavour. Mmm... Oro flavour. Tastes like madness. And Sasuke, I think, learned a hard lesson about how his actions affect those around him when Kimimaro threw his words back at Oro and came up with such spectacular results. Sasuke is the one person who can affect Oro on a profound level, and I don't think he has quite realised it. Until now...)
eerabbit (I know, right? XD And look! Moar drama!)
alloysuis (Fuck me running... That is an absolutely beautiful phrase. Must make a mental note to use it at the first given opportunity. Oh yes... I am glad you agree with my resolute wish to conform to my Master Plan for this fic. The end (and epilogue) have been planned out for ages, and everything (and I mean everything) has been working towards them, which is probably where the Actual Plot thing comes in. XD And I'm glad you like my Karin. I was indifferent to her at first, but now that I've had to write her, I've developed a soft spot for her. And there is something really sexy about her, isn't there? Cannot put my finger on it, but it's there for sure.)
Beqs (I think your last review just about summed up everyone's reactions to thirty-eight. I wonder whether I won't be able to sleep tonight for the sound of the general noises of disgust and outrage plaguing me from over teh interwabz. I can practically feeeeeeel the hatred, lol. XD)
Insomnniac Owl (You know what? I am so damned glad someone liked the bidet. Suigetsu didn't even need to be in there, but dammit if I wasn't going to fit in that bit about the bidet because the idea made me chortle in a public place and I would've embarrassed myself for nothing if I hadn't put it in. Bidets freak me out too. And my dad designs bathrooms for a living, so there's one in one of our bathrooms. It just sits there, gathering dust. There is no point in it, because no one ever uses it. And yes... there is a touch of the old violence in their relationship. How much that is down to a little too much passion and how much is down to their desire to have control over one another is up for debate. Glad you liked the drama too, because there was an extra helping in this chapter. XD)
Chromde (I'm glad you like your Sasuke a fighting Sasuke. In this fic, and in the manga and the anime too, I think that's all he knows how to do. He struggles vehemently against everything, believing himself to be at war with the world. If someone tries to force him to do something, he automatically resists. I guess that's one of Oro and Sauce's major relationship problems in this fic, and is kind of my way of throwing a bit of canon in there, just for laughs and drama. And yay for picking up the hammer time and Cillit Bang! references. Did you ever see that Cillit Bang remix JAKAZiD did on YouTube? Amazing...)
SasukexXxSakura (I know! Why did he do that? Oro, you first-class moron! I feel your anguish, lol.)
Bri (I think your "omfg why did Oro do thaaaaaaaaaat?" comment pretty much summed up everyone's reactions. I have the funniest feeling everyone is going to come out with an absolute loathing for him after this chapter, lol. For some reason, I still sympathise with him (a little). But then, I know why he's doing it. XD I totally agree with you on Madara, though. He is a slimy, sleazy rat-man-beast with an agenda. Do not trust him as far as you can throw him. Kimimaro... well... he's caught up between Oro and the Sauce. That's not a position I'd like to be in. Look what happened to poor Karin. But, omg, how much did you squee when Yondaime popped out in the manga?)
ArilianaFireQueen (Hi again! Lol, I was wondering where you went to. You even dropped off the face of LJ. Bloody real life rearing its ugly head, I ask you! :p Though that is a really weird, selective computer problem. Has someone put a filter or blocked the port or something? Strange. Anyway, lol, yes. I apologise for traumatising you last chapter with all the OMGDRAMANOES moment with the KimiOroSasuKarin love square of doom. I think there were a few people who were like, "ARGH Y U DO THIS TO MEEEEE?" Hope you get your mac fixed, and thanks for reviewing!)
nodaaaaaa (Lol, I always have to count how many As there are in your screen name, so I can get it right when I reply here. XD But yeah... last one was pretty intense. If you were on the edge of your seat last time, you've probably fallen off it by now. XD I put in an extra helping of drama. Maybe a little too much, because I'm starting to feel sorry for Oro and the Sauce. :p And I think my writing style might be subtly shifting again, that's probably why it read differently. Probably.)
wertyit (Yay! Another new reviewer (and possibly a new reader!) Thanks for taking the time out to write one. It's always much appreciated. :) And I hope the other reviews haven't totally spoiled the plot of the rest of the fic for you, lol. XD)
chibibaka1 (You know, I'm glad you said you like the way I'm combining comedy and drama in chapters. I'm starting to get a bit worried that the fic is turning into an angst-fest - especially after this chapter. I mean, it is sort of necessary, and I'm lightening it right back up next time, but yeah... a bit worried, so thanks for the reassurance. :) And I'm so glad you got the Powerpuff Girls reference. And the episode too! I love Mojo Jojo to death! He's proper comedy gold, that little monkey is. XD)
Kaira-chan15 (I love that you're going back through each of the chapters and leaving me nice reviews here and there. It makes me grin like a loon every time I see them, and it's great because it reminds me of the plot that has come before (always a good thing, because I'm so damned forgetful, you have no idea!) And omg, I remember the excitement at the thought of finally getting to use that Hidan scene. It had been lurking in my head since the beginning, and I was like "YESSSSS!" XD But to answer your question, I'm not in a band, alas. I was going to Wembley stadium to see Muse playing. It was awesome!)